Jane and Rochester, continued
by havingteawithyou
Summary: The continuation of the story of Jane and Rochester as a young, married couple, deeply in love- beginning on the morning after their wedding night. Filled with all the honesty of marriage, including sex. Thank you so much for reading. Ongoing!
1. Chapter 1

Jane woke to a warm morning that glowed with every brilliance of dawn. Light flooded the room and bathed it in a yellow haze. The opened window let in the fresh morning air, which was heavy and fragrant with flowers and dew. Jane's eyes opened slowly; she knew that it must still be early, for her whole life she had woken up according to the schedule of a servant. She guessed that it might have been around the 6th hour of the day. She turned her head, her face instantly breaking into a radiant, somewhat shy smile as she saw her husband sleeping beside her.

Edward Rochester lay sleeping. He was still and quiet, his breathing deep and low. Jane admired his every feature, despite all he had been through, despite all that had scarred him, she still thought him to be the most beautiful man she would ever know. His face shone with a light sheen of sweat which lingered as the morning sun streaked across his face. It touched his sharp jaw, and moved through his hair so that he became a vision. For a moment Jane was overwhelmed with emotion, tears almost rose to her eyes. She loved him too well. She felt too much for him. How could she bare this moment of gratitude. She learned forward, moved by an unexplained force of love, and kissed his cheek. The moment she had moved from his embrace he began to stir. As he woke, Jane kissed his jaw, his forehead, his chin and finally planted a soft, loving kiss on his lips. She was now free to show affection now, to indulge him, to make up for lost time that had passed between them. As she kiss broke his eyes fluttered opened, his dark, beautiful, unseeing eyes turned to face his wife.


	2. Chapter 2

'I did not mean to wake you, I'm sorry" Jane said quietly.

"Can this be?" he said to himself. "Can I be waking in such bliss to have Jane beside me, kissing me. No, it cannot be, my heart would surely burst from happiness".

Jane smiled as his lips reached for hers. She willingly pressed hers once again to his, but this time the kiss was deeper, and more passionate. She melted slowly back into his arms and put her head on his shoulder, their bodies once again becoming entwined.

"Good morning, my wife" he said, happiness radiating from every feature.

"Good morning, my husband"

"Jane" be began, his voice filled with feeling, "Let there never be a morning where I cannot be here with you when you wake". His fingers, which burned her with every touch, caressed her cheeks gently.

Jane smiled, looking at him. Yet his face turned, the brightness slightly dimming. "How do you feel?"

"Happier than I have ever felt" was the honest, heartfelt answer.

He kissed her forehead, lingering before pulling away.

"Are you in any pain?"

Jane shook her head, "No, no pain. I am a little sore, but that is all"

Momentary anguish flashed over his face- Jane knew that when she had called out in brief pain last night it had worried him, and he had been cautious in proceeding, giving his attention fully to her.

"It shall not be the case forever" he promised, "It will become better, less painful"

But Jane was smiling, confused at what on earth he sounded so apologetic for.

"I cannot for a moment imagine feeling better than I felt last night" she said, unable to convey to him in words how true of a statement it was. She knew she must have sounded slightly childish as she had said it, but the proud smile that played over his face had pierced her heart, and she found herself with no words to explain further.

"We have our whole lives to understand that, my fairy"

Jane closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She could smell her husband, that which was distinctly him. His soft curls tickled her face as she slipped her leg comfortably between his own. Suddenly she was reminded of a certain concern, one which had been lingering in the back of her mind since the night before. She did not wish to ask for reassurance, or even an answer, but she knew how it was pick away at her peace of mind if left unattended, and so she opened her eyes to once again look at .

"May I ask you something?"

"Anything"

"Last night, was I-" she paused, thinking. "Was I all I should have been? Did I do all I was meant to do?"

turned toward the ceiling, one soft laugh leaving an incredulous smile on his face. And suddenly he became serious as he answered her.

"There is no right way, Jane, to go about such things. Outside of pragmatic, base actions a couple must complete to be formally sanctioned by God, there is no formula to follow. All we must ask of each other is truth, and honesty. I tell you now with fullest of heart, that last night-" he stopped to close his eyes and smile a private smile, "was the happiest night of my life. Even now, I can scarce believe my memories of just a few hours ago are real".

He reached for her lips and immediately pulled her closer to him. She felt a wave of love rush over her once more, nearly drowning her in feeling. His hand pressed into the small of her back and she wished to be closer to him than she was, to be bound to him in every possible way. She smiled as the kiss broke and her hand fell to rest on his chest. He smoothed her hair gently, and she sighed deeply, closing her eyes. Within moments, she was once again asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Hours must have passed before Jane woke again.

When she did the air was no longer heavy or fragrant, it had turned cold and sharp. The room was now cold too, as was the bed. Jane reached to her side but found no one there, and in sitting up and looking around the room she found herself quiet alone. Puzzled, she pulled the blankets around herself until hearing the turning of the door and watching it be pushed slowly opened. had reentered the room, holding a tray full of tea. As he moved across the room Jane knew that the quiet care he took was a result of not being able to tell if she was still asleep or awake. He gently laid the tray down on a table close to the bed and stood up to close the opened window. Returning to the bed, he sat facing Jane.

She could tell his mind was busy, busy with the thoughts of not being able to see the tea in front of him, or the room, or his new wife. Quickening to end his misery, Jane reached forward and took his hand. His face brightened instantly as he brought her hand to his lips, kissing it lightly.

" You are freezing, cold as a block of ice!"

"I am not so very cold"

"Come" he said. He removed the robe from around himself and for a moment exposed his beautiful body. Jane smiled to herself as he wrapped his warm robe around her shoulders. He felt around for his nightshirt before finding it at the end of the bed and pulling it over his head.

"I assume that is the consequence for leaving you alone while this blind blunderer went to fetch tea"

Jane laughed " _My_ blind blunderer"

"How enticing you make me seem, enchantress. You must know how dangerous false images can be"

"No, there are no false images. I was merely reminding you that you belong to no one but me, that your life is mine, and every fiber of your being is included in that".

A loving kiss was his reply.

Soon was busying himself with the tray of tea. He felt, with great care, for the cup and poured slowly from the pot. Then, he took a spoon, filled it twice with milk and dropped it into the cup. Jane watched in surprise.

"How is it that you know what I take in my tea?"

"Because" he explained, amused. "I spent a year calling you to my presence for tea just so we could talk, and I could be with you. And then I spent another year envisioning those times as a way to keep myself breathing when everything was entreating me to stop. It is a memory I treasure in the very deepest chamber of my heart".

Jane was struck by the immense love of his reply, and as the cup was placed into her hands she received a kiss on the cheek. As he began to pour his own tea Jane wished she could have said something to him that fully expressed her gratitude. Nothing seemed that it was enough. But from its infancy, their relationship was one in which understanding passed between them, unspoken. She had always felt he understood her fundamentally, and so words were sometimes simply the physical sound of what was already known. She mulled over this peaceful thought as he turned to her, sipping from his own cup of tea.

''What is on your mind, Jane? what thoughts hover in the forefront of your mind? I can tell this is no longer a quiet silence, but a busy one"

Jane's mouth turned slightly at the corners before she put her cup down.

"I was thinking only of pleasant things, of our newly married lives together, and if there is anything you anticipate from this? anything you are apprehensive about, or expectant to receive? You see, I know far less than you do regarding these things'

"I have told you" he replied, roundly "I do not wish to bring the weight of previous troubles into this marriage. I want no mention of that women that haunted our happiness and plagued our closeness".

But he dissolved, and he sighed heavily taking Jane's hand.

"No" he spoke softly "No, I mustn't hide things from you. My life is yours. I shall withhold nothing from you. It is difficult because one day had not passed before I did not wish to God that I was no longer a married man. And so, I never did consider myself such. That marriage, as it was, was not filled with hope, or love, or possibility. It was filled with dreaded duties, separation and isolation. It is nothing of a worthy mirror to hold up to our marriage, and so you see that it is untrue that you know far less than me".

"If that is the case" continued Jane "What is it that you wish for us in our marriage?"

"Happiness" he replied "And love at the root of everything- as the thing which serves to bind, but never breaks. I could wish for nothing more. What is it you wish for?"

"Honesty, and truth. For I know all other things will follow in their wake"

He laid his cup down, which was now empty and smiled. "I love you Jane Rochester, with every atom of my being"

"You are everything to me" she confessed, pressing her forehead to his and closing her eyes.

Their lips met in a passionate embrace. 's hands ran through Jane's hair, as she was gently pushed back into the pillows. She felt herself kissing differently, with more need, with more desire. As if her kisses were asking for something she had not put into words. She could acknowledge her own want more freely now, and imagined the restraint of her husband for many months as he waited for the moment she too could be honest about her own desires. Jane pulled, without consciousness at her husbands nightshirt in an effort to remove it but was stopped by a low voice.

"No my darling, we must not", a painful restraint in his voice, "I swear to you that I will never deny you any pleasure, but this morning I am sure you are sore, and I cannot hurt you".

Jane pulled away, nodding in understanding. But Edward reached forward, soothing with a deep kiss.

"Only this morning".

Edward and Jane lay in bed for the remainder of the day, talking constantly, and in a manner where no subject was omitted. Jane felt deeply moved, loved and protected. She was grateful, and blessed beyond what was deserved by her. She laughed more than perhaps she had in the whole of her life.

When the sun began to creep behind the clouds, trying its hardest to hold it's grasp on the day, they left their bedroom in order to retrieve some food from the kitchen. It was a simple dinner by necessity, but one no less enjoyed by either. And when it was done, and things were cleared away, they returned once again to their bedroom, this time for sleep.

Jane had already found that the most comfortable position for her to sleep in was wrapped in her husbands arms, her head resting on his outstretched arm, her arms drawn up to his chest. Jane had the somewhat unfamiliar, but nonetheless wonderful feeling of protection wash over her as she lay pressed into her husband. He rubbed her back gently as she closed her eyes and spoke softly.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"You said this morning that there must never be a morning where we wake without each other. I ask you now for a night never to pass between us where I cannot bid you goodnight and attempt to convey to you how much I love you, and how happy you make me at my hearts core".

Jane pulled back in order to look into his face, which was filled with an indescribable look. Jane knew that similar to her, he had never been loved in such a pure or honest way before. He kissed her forehead slowly, then her nose, her cheeks, chin and finally lips, where he lingered with such love as to make Jane feel quite lightheaded.

"Goodnight, my love".


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Jane again woke before her husband.

It was a cold day with rain pouring heavily from the sky. She lay for quite some time, just listening to the sounds of rain on the roof. It was such a peaceful, constant sound, and she couldn't help but feel incredibly grateful for it. As she lay there, she thought of all her husband had given her, even in these first days of marriage. He had been exceedingly loving, gentle, and took such care in listening and responding to her. Momentarily she felt inadequate, wishing there was more she could do to show her gratitude. Immediately, the idea came to her and she gently removed herself from her husbands arms before standing and pulling his nearby robe around herself. She opened the door quietly and slipped out into the empty hall.

In truth, Jane had not much time to explore Ferndean house on her own. She had missed many small details of the house because she was often more concerned with the man she passed through the home with. But as she progressed down the hallway she couldn't help but notice that it was an oddly grim house, with dark wood on the floor and walls. Emerald green carpets stretched over the floorboards and the windows remained small and out of sight, only casting light high up so that the rest of the hallway remained quite dark. As she reached the end of the hallway she pushed opened the door of the library and stepped inside.

The library, out of all the rooms in the house, looked to be the one least attended to. A thick layer of dust lay over all the books, tables, and chairs in the room. Things seemed disorganized and out of place, and according to the dust had been so for quite some time. Jane saw one book that was laid on a table next to a large armchair, which sat in front of the hearth in the room. She imagined that it was read by Edward some long time ago, perhaps while on a hunting trip, which Jane gathered was the only time Ferndean was ever used by the Rochester family. He had perhaps laid it down here while being called away for some reason and was never given the chance to return to it. Of course, if had been able to read, if he had not lost his eyesight, this room would have perhaps been the brightest and best used space in the home, and the book wouldn't have remained unfinished. But as Jane wiped the dust from the cover of the book to reveal the title "Flora and Fauna of West Africa" she was reminded that her husband would never be able to return to finish the book. Well, at least not on his own.

Determined, and feeling happy, Jane gave the book one final shake in an effort to remove any lingering dust and left to return to her bedroom. As she entered the room she saw that was stirring and when his eyes opened she smiled, and sat on the end of the bed beside him.

"Jane?"

"Yes my love"

His face softened into a smile at these words, at being addressed in such a way.

"How did you sleep?"

"I slept as soundly as I ever have" she smiled, allowing his wandering hand to take hold of her waist and draw her near.

He seemed surprised to feel his robe instead of her skin and looked at her, puzzled.

"And yet you've not spent your morning in here with me, where were you?"

Jane laughed, kissing his cheek. "It is of no matter, you shall know soon enough".

He raised his eyebrow at her, but then sighed, saying "I do not like that I have to trust you . Just as I don't like the feeling of his robe as opposed to the feel of you and your skin"

He pulled her forward into a deep kiss by tugging lightly on the tie around the robe, and with ease the knot came undone and the robe slipped from around her.

Not wanting to remain outside of the sheets with no robe, Jane broke the kiss to climb back into bed beside him, laying the book in her hand on the side table.

"And how was your sleep?"

"Jane, my darling, at one time I wanted nothing but calm sleep as I have been given these past days. Sleep that would drive worries from my mind and allow me momentary peace of mind. But now I find that I do not wish to sleep at all, for there is not enough hours in the day for us".

Jane blushed, not expecting such an answer. She kissed his cheek and ran her fingers through his mass of curly hair.

"No, I believe you must be right" she said.

Jane reached for the book on the nightstand and placed it into her husbands hands.

"What is this?" he asked, surprised.

"Tell me what you think"

"It is a book, of course Jane. But why have you given it to me? You know very well I may as well use all the books in this house for fire kindling, for my eyes do not serve them any purpose".

Jane took the book back from him.

"No, you have no use for them yourself. But seeing as you have in no way lost your ability to hear, I shall read them to you".

He could not hide the apparent happiness on his face at this prospect. For such an intellectual creature to be deprived of literature, of books, it was too large of a shame.

"So, I have taken this book, which it seems you may have been reading before, "Flora and Fauna of West Africa", but I will go and find any book that you wish if this does not suit".

He laughed as she sat up, kissing her shoulder.

"By God she is real, she is flesh and blood. How blessed I am for her".

Jane turned to kiss his lips briefly before opening the book and beginning to read.


	5. Chapter 5

Jane read for a long time, pausing every so often to ask if she should stop, but always being entreated to continue. She loved serving him, she loved how he lay back on the pillows with his eyes closed, listening intently to every word. She loved when it when he suddenly spoke to tell of his own experiences, of his own travels and encounters. She loved to ask questions and to have them answered.

As she continued, however, Jane felt a trail of soft kisses being planted across her back and the sensation made her lose the spot on her page.

"Edward, I cannot read while you do that" she said, smiling to herself and closing her eyes as the soft kisses moved to her neck.

"Then don't" was his simple reply.

Jane closed the book and turned to face him. He drew her near with a passionate kiss, his hand pressing lightly in the small of her back in order to bring her closer. Jane put her arms around his neck, kissing him back as he turned them both skillfully so that Jane's back was pressed into the pillows beneath her. As the kiss deepened Jane could feel a pulsing in her core that was not so unfamiliar or embarrassing. She could smell his distinct smell, feel his strong body, his stomach, arms and back against her own burning skin and wanted nothing but him.

The kiss was suddenly broken as Rochester pulled away, smoothing hair away from Jane's face.

"Jane?" he begged, looking for her consent to continue.

With such passion, Jane felt her desire strengthen and nodded in confirmation, puling his lips back to hers. He kissed her forehead, her neck, along her jaw and finally in the nape of her neck. He then moved down her chest, between her breasts and down her stomach. Jane smiled, pleasure pulsing through every nerve in her body.

He then returned to her breasts, holding one in his hand while he sucked the other. Jane's breathing became labored, she could no longer hold in the small moans which issued from her mouth. Edward smiled as he switched to the other breast, Jane clenching her fist around some of the blankets.

He moved down further this time, kissing between her thighs and finally

"Oh!" Jane cried involuntary. His tongue had slipped to her most private area as he came in and out of her.

Jane thought her head would explode, she wanted to close her legs, the pleasure was too much, it was building and building. She moaned, louder and louder, now completely unable to control herself. Edwards hand rested on Jane's stomach as he worked and Jane could do nothing but rub her fingers over his hand. Soothingly, she felt his fingers close around hers as without warning he sucked her most sensitive area.

"Edward!" she cried as suddenly waves of pleasure moved over her whole body. She could no longer speak, she could no longer keep her eyes opened. Her whole body was fire, as was his touch. He drew his head up, looking to Jane.

"Yes, my darling?" he said, a prideful look illuminating his whole face.

"I did not know-" she began, breathlessly, but she was silenced by a deep kiss.

Feeling the sensation building again, knowing that she needed more, Jane's hips thrust involuntarily into her husband. He smiled through the kiss, running his fingers through her messy hair. She was still having trouble catching her breath fully.

He turned Jane over so she was on her stomach and planted kisses all along the small of her back. He sucked playfully on her bum as she grew hungrier and hungrier for him, for him to be closer to her.

"Darling, I will need you to help me here. I need you to come up on your knees slightly"

Jane obeyed, bringing herself onto her knee's, her face resting on the pillow.

"Now relax Jane, place your weight on me"

She obeyed again.

He massaged her reassuringly before she felt him enter inside of her. Deep moans issued from them both and they paused for a moment, taking in the sensation. It felt different this time, deeper perhaps, and as he began to rock she was forced to close her eyes, biting her lip in pleasure. He rocked slowly at first, and then it became faster, and stronger. She felt him tightening within her. And then, in a moment all came to a high as she felt his release, felt his body shudder, and then hers. She lay, gasping for breath, smiling, infinitely happy.

She rested her head on his outstretched arm, her back against his chest, head still swimming with feeling. She brought his hand, which was entangled in her fingers to her lips and kissed it. She felt his soft lips kissing her head, her shoulder and neck. Never in that moment had she ever felt more loved, more protected, more safe. She turned to face him, and she found a vision. His hair was messy, his curls pushed away from his face. His eyes were sparkly, his face glowed, his features were soft and gentle. She cuddled close to him, tracing slowly with her fingers the scorched skin of his shoulder. Her lips tenderly kissed where her fingers had traced as she placed her head on his shoulder.

"You are perfect" she said, softly.


	6. Chapter 6

He was taken aback by these words. She had never called him perfect before, because of course, he was not. Just as she herself could never be called perfect. But in that moment, looking into his eyes, feeling the way her body fit into his, she could think of no other way to describe him so truthfully.

A sudden sadness spread across Rochester's face; he looked up and then back at Jane. She was sure he must have been blinking back tears. He looked at her weakly before saying, "I wish I could see you. I wish I could see your face, your beautiful searching eyes. I have now come to terms with losing my sight, but I fear I shall never not regret being unable to see you".

Jane took his hand in hers, kissing it gently.

"If only I could watch the way you sleep".

Jane still kept a tight hold on her husbands hand, massaging it lightly and looking into his deep, dark eyes.

"You have me, all of me. I reside in you. All my thoughts, wishes, and desires are yours. What of sight when you hold my soul?"

The profundity of such words seemed to resonate in a place deeper than sadness. He closed his eyes, and brought his lips to Jane's temple. She melted beneath his tenderness, wishing he would never pull his lips away.

"Jane, how can anyone love another person as I love you?"

. . .

The next morning continued to be rainy with the possibility, however, of some sun breaking through the thick, heavy clouds. Jane was awoken by her husband, nuzzled into her neck, kissing her gently. She stirred, smiling, and opened her eyes to see his warm face.

"Good morning my love"

"Good morning sir "

He pulled away, looking disapproving.

"I cannot call you Miss Eyre anymore, so I must call you Miss Rochester then, I suppose?"

The name still sounded strange, but in no way unwelcome to her. She laughed and played with his hair absentmindedly.

"No, you must not call me that"

"Why ever not!"

"Because, you must have a name to call me when you are very angry with me, or at least attempting to be very stern and is perhaps the best fit"

"Ah, and how must I address you when I am not quite angry with you?" he asked, playfully.

"I believe you may call me whatever you like, madam perhaps?"

"No, such a thing will never do. It is heartless and meaningless. No, indeed I shall call you my love, or my darling, or my heart, or my life for all are the truth".

Jane caressed his face with her thumb, bringing his lips to hers and kissing him deeply.

"I am afraid , however, you shall still always be my master"

His face once again twisted with annoyance before Jane said "So long as I always remain to be yours".

He chuckled softly, kissing her forehead.

"I am yours in every way"

Rochester felt Jane's arm and the thin sheen of the night's lovemaking that lingered there.

"Come, we shall draw you a bath".


	7. Chapter 7

Over the next few days the weather began to clear, becoming warmer and drier. Three days had passed by when the most beautiful day moved over, leading Jane and Rochester to a picnic lunch in a nearby meadow that was filled with the first spring blooming flowers.

They ate modestly, for the servants had been sent away during the honeymoon. But Jane did not mind, and nor did Edward. On this particular day, they sat under an impressive oak tree which was tall, with a mass of leaves overhead to shade from the warm sun. Jane was reading to him as he lay outstretched, his head in her lap, eating an apple. The book today was ancient philosophy on the soul of man. As Jane read, Rochester couldn't help but pipe up, discounting cold notions of souls and praising those which depended on love and passion.

"So, then you side with Aristotle, Jane, who says that love is one soul inhabiting two different bodies" he asked, curiously.

"How could I be married to you and say otherwise?"

"You could say otherwise if you acknowledged that you are a far superior individual to me, and thus a more elevated soul"

Jane looked at him skeptically. "Perhaps if I believed that I could argue for it, and yet I do not"

"And yet" he continued "You sit here and do nothing but indulge me with the sound of your voice with poetic words"

She smiled, "Because circumstance demands it, and I enjoy it"

He sat up, Jane closing the book as she felt his lips press against her temple.

Jane spread his legs and sat between them, leaning on his chest and laying her head back on his shoulder. He kissed her cheek sweetly and wrapped his arms around her middle.

"Are you comfortable, dear Jane?" he spoke softly

"Very" she replied, looking out at the field of flowers. The grass of the field was taller outside of the tree's shade and it blew gently in the wind. She smiled at it and closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of the afternoon air.

"I could fall asleep, in fact" she said, not bothering to reopen her eyes.

"There is no need to resist, I will be here when you wake" he promised.

Jane smiled and shook her head, "I would rather be here with you, sharing the day".

And so they did, for hours and hours, until the sun began to set and a slight chill crept over the hills and grass. They walked home, arm in arm, still talking as honestly and enthusiastically as ever before.


	8. Chapter 8

When they arrived back at the house Edward asked for Jane's help in drawing a bath. It took quite some time, for Jane was weary of carrying more than one boiling bucket of water up at a time and she forbid Edward from helping. Unhappily sitting on the staircase, he provided much entertainment for Jane.

Finally though, after the better part of an hour the bath was ready and she watched her husband remove his clothes. He did not look nearly forty, she thought to herself. His solid stomach and arms, his broad chest and shoulders and long torso were traits of a man almost half his age. She smiled to herself as he lowered himself into the tub, sighing deeply. He slipped his head under the water and soon emerged, his curls hanging heavily around his face.

Jane, wishing to be useful, took the soap from beside the tub, dipped it into the water and then began running it through Rochester's hair. He closed his eyes, greatly enjoying the sensation of being taken care of.

"I'm not quite sure if I should scold you for allowing your hair to get so tangled or kiss you" she teased, taking a nearby brush and combing through his hair as gently as possible.

"I would prefer the latter, despite perhaps being in need of the first"

Jane smiled and reached around to kiss him, but instead his arms wrapped themselves around her and pulled her close. He buried his face between her breasts, kissing her tenderly, the feeling running through her like ice, despite the thick material of her dress.

"The warm water is very relaxing Jane" he said, temptingly.

She could resist him no longer,she had no wish to. She made quick work of discarding her already wet clothes, and letting down her loosely pinned back hair. As she turned, she caught sight of herself in a mirror, fully naked. It was the first time she had seen herself naked since she had been married, and to herself she looked different. She did not know how, but she felt different too. Was it happiness? partially, but not quite. It was..pride? self assurance? full realization of who she was?.

As she surveyed her features, her hips, her lips, her breasts, she realized that these completely normal features felt precious. As she turned away from the mirror she understood, beaming to herself. She walked to the tub and stepped inside, Edward holding her hips and guiding her between his spread legs so that her back rested against him.

"I just caught sight of myself in that mirror in the corner" she said, looking to a mirror that he could not see. "It is the first time I have been myself fully in a mirror since I have been married and the strangest feeling came over me"

He raised an eyebrow, turning his face to look at her.

"What of, Jane?"

"You make me feel like a woman" she said, her own heart filling with the truth of these words.

Edwards face stretched into a perfect smile, half pride, half overwhelming love.

"Jane, my darling Jane, you must not say such things to me, for a fear I will not be able to control myself. Not with that sweet honest voice of yours, speaking to my hearts core, assuring me of what has passed between us"

She turned to face him, kneeling gently on his legs and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Then you must not make me feel such a way, for I find it makes it hard for me to control myself"

Grinning, he leaned forward to kiss her, she kissed back, pushing him lightly against the back of the tub. Edward wrapped his arms around Jane's waist and drew her close, running his fingers through her partially wet hair. As his kisses moved to her jaw, her collarbone, her breasts, she sighed happily, her hands cradling his head.

"I love you" he whispered, his dark eyes penetrating her very thoughts. She lowered her head, pressing her lips to the base on his neck and along his shoulder before resting her head there.

"I love you"

Edward paused from resuming his kisses, pulling away and smiling to himself.

"You are tired my darling"

He moved her hair away from her face, kissing her temple as he tucked a loose strand behind her ear.

"I am not so very tired" was the poor response.

"Come" he said, standing from the tub and stepping onto the floor. Jane soon followed, the towel he had for himself being gently wrapped around her. Within moments her husbands entwined hand in hers lead them from the room, and within moments she was in bed, her face pressed into her husbands shoulder in sleep, protected in every possible way.


	9. Chapter 9

Jane, for the first time since her marriage, did not sleep well that night. She tossed and turned, drifted in and out of sleep, always waking to find how little time had passed since she had last closed her eyes. She watched her husband sleep,he was always so calm and peaceful. His deep and low breathing had become a sort of lullaby to her, and she imagined that there was no sound she would rather hear in the whole world.

As he slept she gently traced her finger along his chest. He usually fell asleep into Jane, but this night he slept on his back, an arm outstretched that Jane rested her head on, the other rested on his stomach. As she touched him he began to stir, but as she moved to his face, caressing his cheek with her thumb his eyes fluttered opened.

"Jane my darling, is everything alright?" he asked, his voice heavy with sleep.

"Yes, all is well. But I haven't slept much tonight, and as I lay here looking at you I couldn't help wanting to feel you"

He smiled, chuckling softly and closing his eyes.

"Jane your honesty is enough to make my skin crawl his desire. How honest and yet how wanting your quiet voice sounded just now".

Jane, blushing, took his hand that rested on his stomach and held it in hers.

"I just could not sleep, I am sorry for waking you"

He shook his head, kissing her temple.

"Do not apologies to me for waking me after an uneasy rest, Jane. But if such is the case, then perhaps we should tire you out" he said, grinning deeply and moving on top of her, his lips meeting hers in a passionate embrace. She eagerly meet his lips, kissing him deeply. She wrapped her arms around his neck in order to draw him closer and as he obliged her, she felt a familiar feeling throbbing at her core. Sensing this from her, Edward turned them so that Jane sat atop him, straddling him.

"Jane, you take he lead" he said, rubbing the side of her leg encouragingly. "You know that I go inside you of course, but from this position you will be able to be in control".

She felt slightly nervous, she was still so inexperienced compared to her husband, what if she did something wrong? What if he felt nothing from her in return? As if he had read her mind he took her hand and kissed it gently.

"You can do no wrong, my love".

With her core burning stronger, Jane reached in for a kiss which was soothing while simultaneously reviving her doubt. She pulled back from the kiss, took his manhood into her ends and easily moved him into herself. It was a completely new sensation, she heard a moan issue from below her as she began to rock in and out. At first her pace was slow, but it became faster as she felt a tightening inside of her. Edward tossed his head from side to side, his face twisting between pleasure and restraint. She knew that what was building within him was growing stronger and he did not wish to finish without his wife. She thought she could watch his face forever, listen to the sound of his labored breathing. She leaned in for a kiss but found herself unable, overwhelmed with feeling and the dizzying sensation of reaching her point of climax, her lips fell lazily to her husbands cheek. He grinned at this, kissing her forehead and jaw as she dropped her head towards him. Suddenly with one final cry Jane felt his release within her, and a wave of pleasure came over her. He shuddered beneath her, a low groan issuing from him. Jane, tired but filled with absolute joy fell forward to rest on her husbands chest.

For a moment Jane felt as if she couldn't breathe. She couldn't open her eyes, her head was spinning, she had never felt more like herself before, never felt more self assured or fulfilled. Edward had revived, his face stretching into a dazzling smile his face turning towards Jane.

They lay in silence until their breathing had normalized again. Edward moved Jane's hair away from her face and pulled her mouth to his to kiss her deeply. She willingly kissed him back with every ounce left in her body. As he tried to pull out of her, Jane broke the kiss.

"No, you mustn't" she begged

"Why not?" he whispered lowly, kissing her neck.

"Because I need to be as close to you as possible"

He continued to kiss her neck, moving to her jaw.

"I need the comfort of you, the feeling of you. Without it I do not know what I shall do".

There words had touched him deeply. He pressed his lips against her forehead but he lingered there rather than pulling away. Jane felt herself being turned, pushed gently into the pillows, her face lightly caressed by his thumb.

"You have all of me, forever", he promised, "There will never be a moment where I am not fully yours in every way. You shall never have to be without it".

He paused, looking at her. His eyes filling with something indescribable.

"By God Jane Rochester, how can anyone love a person as I love you?"

"The same way I love a person as I love you, Edward Rochester".


	10. Chapter 10

The official end of the honeymoon was marked by the servants returning to Ferndean a week after the wedding had taken place. Rochester only kept two servants after the fire at Thornfield. Jane was convinced he would have kept none if he was able to function doing things on his own, but this of course would never be the case for him. John and Leah were an older married couple, their age showing more and more in their ability to work. Jane suspected that any other master of a home would have released them from service long ago, and she believed this is precisely why Edward kept them. John and Leah were not nosy, they were not intrusive. They preferred to work quietly, uninterrupted and had a genuine care for . They had liked Jane too, she believed. Leah often stooped Jane in the morning to ask after herself and the master, and Jane would often sit in her kitchen and help her peel potatoes or make bread, for her hands were failing her in a painful way to acknowledge.

Because John and Leah were hardly ever present, little did Jane and Rochester's _routine_ change.

One morning, a month into their union, Jane was sitting in the library alone. Since discovering it, she and had spent much more time in it, her reading to him- often for many hours. She had dusted the tables and chairs, sorted the books, cleaned the piles of paper and ink and aired the room so that it became quite a pleasant place to be. This morning, however, Mr. Rochester had been called into a meeting based on his estate. As he had grumpily dressed with Jane's help, she reminded him that since the honeymoon was over, they would, in a sense, have to revert back to normal life, including meetings. This had not improved his mood, he had mumbled something about the soul sucking trite, trivial matters of estate and stocks before retreating from the room. Jane had only been amused by him and had resolved to finish a book she had been reading the previous day. It was in this state that her husband had rejoined her an hour and a half later looking a little less sullen but a little more drained. Jane called to him as he had entered so that he knew of her presence and he came to sit beside her.

"My darling, you think I should need you to call out in order for me to know you are in here?" he asked, smiling.

Jane had smiled, but then she frowned.

"You look tired, my love" she said "Is all well?"

"Oh yes, things are very well. In fact, there is something I wish to speak to you about Jane that I believe will make us both happier".

"Oh?"

"Jane, now that we are married, I want us to have a home that is ours. Ferndean is not your home, and it is certainly no home to me. It's damp walls and dark surroundings are no place for spirits such as ourselves to be. I could not bring you here and expect you to live happily. My father acquired this estate quite accidentally and I fear had always wanted to rid himself of it's burden. This house was only ever used as an escape from life, and I have no wish to escape you. We have the means to live anywhere we choose, in a castle if you should like! , though I know your humble nature would forbid it".

He paused before continuing, looking more serious.

"Jane, as much life as you have breathed into this home, as much freshness and goodness you have imparted, this house is filled with memories of isolation for me, of loneliness and despair. Must we truly reside here forever? Raise a family here?. Of course, if you are happy here, if this place is all you could wish for, then we shall not be moved from it. But tell me now what you think".

Jane took his hand. "I cannot pretend I have not entertained the thought of moving from this house for a clean start, for a better start. I know so much of your past is bound to this house, I know that you walk the halls here differently from me. But I would be content, more than content, living anywhere so long as you are beside me. You were the first person I have ever known that gave me a place to call home, and that home is you. It was never Thornfield, and it isn't even Ferndean now, rather, knowing I had a place to reside in you that made me feel at home".

Edward brought their joined hands to his mouth, pressing his lips to them gently.

"Shall I tell Cooper to begin looking then?"

"So long as you are fully aware that we will not be living in any sort of castle" Jane teased.


	11. Chapter 11

The meetings in which Mr Cooper had come to Ferndean were not a particularly good start for Jane and Edward's search for a home. During the first meeting, as Jane and entered the room with her husband, Cooper had looked confused.

"Sir' he had said, smiling as if him and Mr Rochester were sharing some secretive joke between them. "Are we to have this meeting with your wife here?"

"Yes, Ms Rochester is absolutely to remain with me"

"Ah, I see. As your assistant and aid for your-" a pause "condition".

"No, Ms Rochester is here because she is my wife, and nothing less of it. Now proceed" he had snapped.

The meeting proceeded with continued bumps although, from that point on, he had made an effort to be especially kind to Jane, complementing her on her wish for an attractive garden and many windows to bring in natural light.

"Ms Rochester, very sensible, very sensible. When you do indeed look at selling your home later, or even pass it alone to, uh, family, these are very attractive features to have in a home".

Jane had nodded in agreement but said nothing. She did not think it was worth testing her fortitude with Mr Cooper.

"And to think" he had said after an overlong pause which had been caused by this odd habit of looking off into the distance "Meesley manor could be your home. Oh excuse me, excuse me for wishful thinking" he had prattled, turning the parchment in his hand dramatically.

When he had returned to his carriage and the sound of horses' clicking heels were safely heard, Mr Rochester turned to Jane.

"What an insufferable man" his voice sounded restrained. "All that talk of wood finishes and dirty fireplaces ruining the peace and calm one could feel in a room"

"Were you not fully interested?" she said, acting surprised.

"And to think" he began, watching the carriage at the end of the drive meet the road and turn to the left "He was so out of sorts because you were there, Jane. Small, quiet and kind Jane scare someone? imagine!"

"I'm sure it was not me, rather it was the fact that I am a woman that frightened him, if indeed that sort of frenzy is not his constant state. How foolish it seems that a woman should be excluded from such matters as a home she is to live in the majority of her life".

Edward placed his arm around Jane's waist, kissing her temple.

"I am indeed equally intrigued and frightened to see what homes he brings for us on his next visit" she said, grinning.

Jane and Edward retreated back into the house, laughing together.

That night, Jane and Rochester sat together in the sitting room after dinner for a very long time. It had been a wonderful meal, and Jane and her husband had spoken openly about insecurities they had before their marriage to one another. Jane couldn't help but feel themselves being fused even closer, for he had trusted her with his most personal thoughts, and had listened to hers in return. As he spoke, the warm hue of the fire dancing across his face, Jane found she had no will nor any power to tear herself from his side.

"When did you forgive me?" Jane asked, looking into his deep eyes. "You say that you did not blame me for my leaving, but you must have been so angry".

"Oh Jane, there was nothing to forgive. I was angry, yes. But it was at myself, and never at you. How could I possibly harbor any frustration towards you when I had threatened to blacken your perfect soul for my own selfish gain. No Jane, I was more hurt that you did not think to confide in me, your old master and closest friend. I was hurt you did not enter my chamber the following morning after you had been well nourished and tell me in person that you had to leave. I have always loved you far too dearly to force you into anything you did not wish to do. As I have told you, I would have willingly given you half of all my wealth without even asking for a kiss in return. For those days of your disappearance I was sick to my stomach with worry"

"I would have come to you" Jane promised "I would have come to you if I thought for a moment I had strength enough for it. When we spoke that night, when you begged me to stay, begged for me to become your wife, everything in my power was telling me to surrender, to give in. I could not face the mirror of my broken soul. I could not look you in the eyes and tell you that I would be gone, for that meant I had to tell my own self I was to go and that was too much to bare".

"I know-," he began, his face contorting with pain "that when you relayed your story to me of how you came to live with your cousins you considerably softened the blow for me. I know Jane, you must have suffered greatly, no matter what narrative you conveyed to me. Tell me now, how did you forgive me after that?"

Jane shook her head, looking down at their interwoven fingers. "There was nothing to forgive then. I had forgiven you the moment you had asked for it, and in the deepest chamber of my heart I knew I could never hate you, or despise you. Perhaps it would have been much easier if I had, but you see I did not".

"If you had married me that night, Jane, what would have been different?" he asked slowly.

"Everything. I could never have come to trust you again if we had already been married. I would have been happy, fulfilled, but never trusting of you, for we would not have married as equals"

"I wouldn't be able to hold you in my arms" he replied, his voice filling with regretful sadness. "I think about that a lot at night, when you fall asleep before me, laying in my arms. I would never have been able to hold you there so tenderly. I would have felt like a monster, for I would have been one. By God, what a life if I could not hold you with the love I possess for you now".

Jane stood from her armchair, sitting on her husbands lap beside her. He smiled at his, feeling her head fall to rest on his shoulder. She swung her legs over the end of the arm of the chair and looked into the warm, flickering fire.

"Do tell me again" she asked

"What am I to tell you, my darling?"

"The love you possess for me" she answered, warmly.

His face softened into a warm smile as he bit his lip. He looked at her as he spoke. "I love you as my own flesh. You are my life, the sun and moon and stars of my world are guided and directed by you. I have no wish but to please you, no desire but to bind myself to you in every possible way. Yet, I remind myself how weak all my words are, for no word I could possibly utter could describe the depth of the affection I feel for you. Since this is the case, I shall leave the telling to my soul, which is the same as yours. In this way, I could hope for you to understand a fraction of what you mean to me, and that would be enough".


	12. Chapter 12

One morning towards the end of spring, Jane stood over a table in the corner of her husbands study sorting through mail they had received since their honeymoon ended. In honesty, it had been hard for her to sort through it, for she knew so little about matters of estate, investment and tending for servants wages. She found this funny, as not so very long ago she had been reliant on receiving the mail she now sorted with her own hands.

Mr Rochester entered the room a short while later fully dressed. He was wearing one of the outfits that he had worn when Jane first meet him, his waistcoat and pants were the same shade of chocolate brown and his tailcoat was a forest green. His hair was combed slightly away from his face and Jane thought him absolutely handsome. Upon closer inspection she realized that his waistcoat had been buttoned incorrectly and so she stood in order to assist him. As she undid the buttons he grinned.

"Jane, you wish for me again? Why we have just left our bed for the morning"

A shy smile crept over her face as she began to rebutton his waistcoat.

"I know you would wish for such to be so, but I am merely tending to a poorly buttoned waistcoat"

He kissed her briefly in thanks.

"What is it that occupies you right now Jane?" he asked

"Hm, you must guess"

Edward paused for a moment looking perplexed but amused. "I believe you are standing now before me, reasoning when to come forward and kiss me good morning".

As her fingers slid the last button into place she stepped back to smile at him.

"You forget that I kissed you this morning in bed, this morning in the kitchen and again while I dressed. You are not deprived"

His eyes brimmed with happiness as he looked at her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"No, indeed I am not, Jane".

He kissed her forehead gently, in a particular way, for her knew it was her weakness and thus, she could be more willing to comply to him.

"What is it you are in want of?" Jane asked, knowingly.

He smiled, looking down at the ground, amused at her unwavering understanding of him. "I ask only for your trust, I have a surprise for you".

Jane's face twisted into uncertainty. "You have my trust"

"Good, then come"

And with that, she was pulled from the room.

. . .

Minutes later Jane found herself in the carriage, riding towards some unknown surprise. It was a cold day, despite the spring beginning to move into the summer, and having been pulled quickly from the house she hadn't time to take her shawl with her. She shuddered slightly, trying desperately to hide it, before her husband turned to look at her.

"Oh my darling, you must be cold. I am so sorry, I should not have been so thoughtless in removing you from the house so quickly, here-"

He took off his own coat and wrapped it around her. It was warm, it smelled of him, but Jane reluctantly pushed it away.

"No, now you will be cold. I am well!"

He looked skeptically at her before replying, "Jane, I feel you shudder, I feel you bringing yourself, perhaps without notice, towards me. I am not cold, take my coat".

Sometimes Jane forgot that without his sight his other senses were heightened. He could feel more, hear more, was more in tune with everything his failed eyes could no longer provide. With still some hesitancy, but relief, she took the coat and wrapped it around herself.

"You will tell me when you want it back?"

Edward chuckled softly and kissed the top of her head, "Yes".


	13. Chapter 13

[Thank you, thank you to everyone who has been reading this story. I am more grateful than I could tell you. Please leave a comment at the end of the chapter telling me what you think of this new experience for Jane and Edward. I would **love** to hear from you 3 ]

. . .

The carriage ride took perhaps an hour and a half to the south. Slowly, the road became less rocky, the dampness of the earth seemed to leave, and the world brightened. The still frosty spring of the north seemed to be irrelevant on this road, for all was green, and in full bloom.

As Jane sat, looking out of the windows she reflected on what carriage rides had always meant to her. Without status, without fortune, without coming from a place with access to a carriage it had become a symbol of transitional time in her life. As a child the first time she could remember being in a carriage was when she was brought to Lowood. It had been a long, miserable ride; rain had beaten down on the carriage that was forced to take the road slowly for fear of veering off of it. Then the next time she had taken a carriage was from Lowood when she first came to Thornfield hall. She had been filled with so many emotions then, excitement mingled with fear, anticipation with expectation. She had hardly known what to expect.

Certainly not this.

She had not expected to one day be in a carriage that she could order at will. She had not expected to live in a home with servants to tend to her at ant given moment. She certainly had not expected the man who sat beside her, quiet now, but not normally. A man she loved above everything else in the world, the one she loved so deeply that it was impossible to express. Her husband.

At times it still seemed strange to call him that. Not because he did not seem like it, not because he did not love her as a husband loves a wife, but because she had always resigned herself to not go in search of someone to marry. Her plans had been to acquire a small cottage close by to the place where she taught. She wasn't ambitious, she was not set to aim loftily in life. She had been ready for, and expectant of a quiet life and had received anything but.

Jane squeezed Edwards hand, for her personal thoughts to which he did not know wanted reassurance of his own reality. Without averting his gaze from looking emptily out of his own window he smiled to himself and squeezed her hand back.

After some time had passed the carriage turned down a long lane that was covered by a row of tree's on either side. It was impossible to see up ahead, it was impossible to see the sky above them. Jane smiled at the road's particular beauty.

"Edward the lane we drive down is positively beautiful" Jane told him. "It has tree's covering it on either side that create a canopy overhead. I cannot see one patch of blue".

"Cooper said as much!"

Jane froze, staring at him.

"Cooper said? But that would mean-"

"Indeed, we drive towards what I believe will be our new home, my darling" he said.

Jane became more determined to see the home up ahead, but it was still impossible. Then suddenly sun began to break through the tree's and soon the whole carriage was once again brought into sunlight. Jane opened the carriage window to look straight ahead.

There stood a house, indeed the most beautiful house Jane had ever seen. It was not small by any means, indeed it was larger than Ferndean, yet it was smaller than a house a man of Mr Rochester 's status would normally live in. The house was a light grey stone, with small, flat columns running up the front, dividing the facade it into three equal parts. The front was covered in windows, allowing all natural light to enter at will. Vines covered the middle of the house with pink flowers growing from them. On the roof stood a low railing which allowed a view if one should wish of the beautiful land which surrounded the house. On the lowest level an entrance was visible, jutting out slightly from the flat surface of the home. Larger windows than on the upper levels flagged the entrance. The walk towards the house was not made of stone or gravel, rather, very low cut grass. Surrounding the low grass walk, however, was thigh tall grass, clearly maintained but not unnatural looking. Lavender plants of deep purple and small yellow flowers grew freely here too. At the end of the low grass walk were two unobtrusive black iron black gates flagged on either side by trimmed hedges that also served as a sort of green hate. Beyond the gates Jane could not see much of the land which immediately surrounded the house but was excited to take a closer look.

"Well Jane?"

Her husbands question had pulled her back from her dream like vision.

"It is perfect" she said, smiling warmly.

"Come, let us walk through it. I am afraid you will have to describe it all to me in great detail"

Jane smiled, taking his outstretched hand.

"I should like nothing better".

And with that, she was helped from the carriage, took her husbands arm and walked the grass towards the home.


	14. Chapter 14

It took a long time to go through the entire house, partially because Jane took such care in describing each room, each hallway, each view out of every window. But it was also because Jane was just so surprised by the home, it's beauty and how fitting it was for her and her husband. Edwards full and vigorous imagination, along with questions he asked freely along the way, created a full picture of the house in his mind.

The rooms in the house were beautifully decorated, with furnishings that were not harsh nor overly extravagant. Everything felt light, and airy. Things were wonderfully bright with the lightly colored furniture and the extensive windows covering the front of the house where the sun rose and set. The rooms were of a good size, all with hearths for crackling fires. There were guest rooms, a very extensive library, beautiful paintings covering the walls, a dining room, a comfortable area for the servants to live and work in. Overall, they could not have been more pleased.

As they walked through the sitting room Jane pushed opened the large doors leading into the garden which were large panes of transparent glass. In stepping into the garden Jane beamed. The gardens were large- further than her eye could see, excessively overgrown and absolutely perfect.

At this moment Mr Cooper returned suddenly, calling out to the Rochester's frantically as they looked at the gardens.

"Oh Mr Rochester! Do not be alarmed at the gardens at present, they are ill kept for the old groundskeeper grew ill, a Mr Morris. You could though, I am sure hire your own and have this place fixed up in no time".

"Thank you" said Jane "But the gardens are perfect. I love them when they are overgrown".

Mr Rochester smiled as Mr Cooper mustered a not so convincing smile and nod in agreement.

"Well" he said, awkwardly, "now that you have seen the entirety of the house, perhaps I could introduce you to the servants here?" , extending his arm in a way that told Jane to retreat back to the house. As they turned the corner from the sitting room into the main entrance of the house Jane saw a row of perhaps 12 servants, all smiling at them. Jane was immediately struck at the different ages of the servants. Some were quite old. One woman looked as if she was nearing 70 or perhaps 80 years old. She managed a slightly more awkward bow than the others but none the less genuine. And then some servants were quite young, one boy looked as if he was perhaps only 11 or 12. His hair was messy and he looked quite dirty.

"This is Mr and Ms Rochester, the potential buyers of this home. There are all the servants one should ever need in a home this size. Too much, perhaps for just the two of you. I would imagine you will be sending some away" he said, rather distastefully. A look of fear spread across the servants faces as he spoke but quickly Mr Rochester interjected.

"Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen for coming to greet us, we appreciate it greatly. I know us coming must have been distracted you from your work".

They were slowly waved away by Mr Cooper and retreated to the servants hall. As Mr Cooper turned towards Mr Rochester, Jane released her husbands hand and walked quickly to stop the young boy she had seen in the line of servants.

"Excuse me" she said, catching up with him.

He turned to look at her, at closer glance he looked positively sweet with round eyes and a head of curly red hair. He was thin, however, and looked unwell.

"Hello madam" he said, in a thick french accent. Jane smiled

"Bonjour petit monsieur"

His eyes lit up as he said, excitedly. "You speak french Ms!"

"Yes, I do. And I believe my husband speaks it even better than I. What is your name?"

"Louis, madam".

"And what do you do in this house, Louis?"

"I am a stable hand" he said, struggling to find the words in his vocabulary. "I am sorry, but I must speak English. It is not good for me to speak only French here".

"I think your English is marvelous" Jane said, touching his shoulder.

Suddenly a voice called out for him from the hall and he ran off, saying goodbye to Jane before he did.

Jane was left standing there, filled with one million questions, but forced to retreat to her husband without the ability to find any answers.

"Well you see-" Mr Cooper was saying "The previous owners of this house died and had no living relatives to pass it on to. This is quite strange indeed, but it has caused quite the upset among the servants. Good grief, you would think there is no other jobs cleaning fireplaces or cooking in all of England".

"I am sure if these servants have worked here for the whole of their lives, they are part of a routine that would be hard to break, especially based on age" Mr Rochester said shortly.

"To be sure, to be sure, but I wouldn't let that weigh on your mind while you make the decision. And with that, I shall leave the two of you until tomorrow, where I hope to hear your decision" Mr Cooper said, beaming at them both.


	15. Chapter 15

As soon as the carriage doors had been closed and they were bound for Ferndean, Edward turned to Jane happily.

"Tell me Jane, what are your thoughts?"

Jane paused, thinking.

"I do not think we can be in disagreement about the house. We both seem to already be so attached to it. If it is possible to live here, I would love for that to be our home. Though I cannot imagine that if I were with you I would contest any house we lived in".

Edward learned in, guided Jane's face to his and kissed her gently. She did not know if it was the kiss or the rocky road that made her feel lightheaded, but she assumed it had been a bit of both. When he pulled away he was looking thoughtful and serious.

"Jane, if you say so then the house is ours. I will sign the papers first thing tomorrow. But in order to do that I will have to have an answer regarding what we are to do with all of those servants. 12 servants for two people, that will be 6 servants each. It is quite the number"

"And you think we should send them away?" she asked, apprehensively.

"How can we Jane? Those are people reliant on this employment to feed families and to care for others. There are old couples, people incapable of work outside of what they have known their whole life"

"And small children" Jane added, sadly.

"How young Jane?" Edward asked, surprised.

"The boy I spoke to today was perhaps eleven or twelve. He was not eating enough and looked very dirty. He told me he was a stable hand, whatever that may entail for a young boy"

'Too much work, I am sure. So that is where you ran off to?"

" Yes, I wanted to ask him some questions. He spoke French, but his English was not good. He had trouble speaking to me, and I wondered, for he cannot be in school if he is helping around here-"

"I see your old governess ways are springing up within you, Jane" he said, grinning. But his grin fell as he sighed.

"And I also see that you care for this boy and his well being along with all the other servants. I know we feel the same way on this issue".

He grasped her hands and held them in his, looking at her intently.

"Because everything I have is now yours, I will ask you if financially you would like to take on all the servants. We have enough, for it is a quarter of the servants I kept at Thornfield hall. But I ask you all the same as I want to make no decision without you".

Jane rubbed his hand with her thumb, looking upon his hard exterior but seeing nothing but his perfectly kind and gentle soul.

"Then yes, I want to take on the servants, I want to live in this house and above all else, I want you".

Edward chuckled softly and kissed her cheek, his lips clumsily missing her mouth as they hit a particularly large bump in the road.

"Good God Jane, how desperately I wish to be home with you, how desperately I want you" he said lowly in her ear.

She smiled and closed her eyes as he kissed her neck and jaw.

"No Edward, you mustn't"

"Why ever not?" he said, drawing his lips away from her collar bone. "Who would ever know? You do not sound convinced I must stop yourself".

Jane held his face in her hands as she pulled back from him.

"Good things come to those who wait"

Half grumpily, he sank back in his chair.

"You do not have to tell me Janet"

Jane smiled, and turned to him.

"That is the first time you have called me Janet since we have been married"

"Is it? An old habit I suppose, provoked by your teasing restraint. To hold back and to restrain yourself has not been in your vocabulary since we have wed" he said, grinning.

Jane kissed his lips briefly.

"It is a good thing I love you too deeply to hold any grudges against you".


	16. Chapter 16

The last night the Rochester's spent in Ferndean was an oddly quiet one. Jane lay in her husbands arms and yet there was nothing said between them. Jane knew they were both quietly reflecting on their own experiences, their own final night in this house. She had only been happy here, there was nothing to tarnish her memories of the house. But for her husband she knew that moving would be a long awaited break from a haunted past.

She turned over on her stomach, her outstretched arms laying easily on his chest.

"Are you well?" she asked softly

Edward nodded his head.

"Yes, all is very well" he replied.

"Then why has all the brightness left your countenance? Why do you sound so unlike yourself?"

He lay for some time in silence before answering her and when he did, Jane could tell he was fighting back emotion from rising to the surface.

"Jane, knowing that you lay next to me, your naked body resting over my outstretched arm, knowing that in doing so you must feel protected and loved, that you must trust me...it is hard for me to fathom what I have been given. Tomorrow we are to move into our new family home, just the two of us, as husband and wife. I cannot help but think tonight you are no more substance than one of your shadows which often came to visit me at night when I lay alone".

Jane sadly moved forward, resting her chin lightly on Edwards chest.

"I am here, my husband. I am here in every way possible. I know you know this, and I know regardless you are tortured by old fears. Perhaps we both must become better at trusting that when things are good, they are good".

Jane reached to play with Edwards fingers from the arm that he rested his head on. She did not raise her face from his chest but the feeling of his fingers in hers was a sensation she often craved.

Edwards face turned to kiss her extended arm that reached across him and smiled.

"Jane, you are right. Fear must never plague any precious moment we spend together".

He kissed her forehead gently, speaking softly into her ear.

"Souls such as ours were never meant to be severed, and I do not intend to try it again any time soon".

. . .

Jane and Edward had very few personal belongings to take with them, and as a result little was brought to the carriage on the morning they left Ferndean for the last time.

"Are you not even a little sad to say goodbye to this house?" Jane asked, holding Edwards arm as she took in her own final view.

He shook his head and turned to her.

"No, Jane. I cannot say that I am, really. I am only excited to have a home with you where we reside together. I have no wish to keep this place in my memory, or our lives. However, if I cannot legally rid myself of the god forsaken place then perhaps we shall have a refuge from each other when we are old and gray after all".

Jane laughed, admiring his resolve to leave the past behind him, the casting off of one final burden.

"I shall keep it in the back of my mind for reference" she teased, watching the few belongings being tied to the top of the carriage. "Let us go"

He smiled at her and kissed her temple before turning and leading them to the carriage. Jane helped him find the step of the carriage as she was ushered inside. George closed the door behind them, wishing them well. He would arrive the same day with his wife Maria, but they would stay on until all had been taken from the house.

The ride to their new house was not so very long, but it was long enough for Jane lay with her head on her husbands shoulder, her eyes begging to close. Edward smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"You are tired, Jane?"

"No, I am quire well" she said, half-heartily.

"You may be well but you did not sleep soundly last night. You tossed and turned, your breathing was no so deep as it is in moments of peaceful sleep"

He had been right, Jane was strangely caught up in her own fears of changing house, for her whole life had been a tradition of being hastily uprooted and moved without warning or delay. She was not worried of the man who sat beside her, but these things still were heavy on the mind of a person wishing for sleep.

"What is it that weighs on your mind, Jane?"

"Last night I was thinking of moving. I was thinking of how at one time, I was terrified of moving- of being dragged from place to place without ever having a space to call home".

Jane looked up at her husband, who was looking at her with deep concern.

"It is a silly fear now" she continued "and I know quite well that such a fear shall never plague me again. But it simply left my mind full of feeling, of reflection and gratitude. For the first home I have ever known, is you. And who could ask for a more beautiful home than that?"

Edward planted a long, gentle kiss on Jane's lips before she let her head rest once again on his shoulder. She yawned slightly, trying to stifle it silently but it was to no avail for Mr Rochester had heard.

"Sleep, Jane. I am here and I will be here when you wake".

"We shall be arriving soon, I mustn't"

"Shh, not another word, my darling"

Almost before his sentence had ended, Jane had drifted into sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

By the end of the day all was moved into Jane and Edwards home. That was not to say however that everything had been moved into it's proper place. Furniture lay scattered in varying rooms, barrels and crates held items that no place had been designated for yet, and although they had begun early in the morning the job was no where near completion when the sun began to set.

The moving had worked up quite an appetite and so dinner was initiated with enthusiasm. Mr Rochester had given specific instructions that all were to eat at the same table tonight, no matter their station. And so the grand dining room table was laid for a dinner of 14 people. Jane was, at first, weary of this. Although her husband had the kindest intentions, he had perhaps not taken into account that these servants may never have eaten at a laid dining room table before. They may have been more weary and nervous to eat before their new master than pleased at the gesture. But to Jane's delight she found that she was quite wrong. Everyone ate with ease, gratitude and good nature. It was only the young boy, Louis, that ate without proper manners and he was readily checked by Ms Jennings, the housekeeper.

When supper was being finished and final fork fulls were being eaten Mr Rochester spoke to the table, taking Jane's hand.

"Thank you, everyone, for a hard days work and for sharing this first meal with us. My wife and I intend to speak to you all tomorrow in order to understand what duties you previously had in the house, and, which duties you will be continuing with in the future".

Jane smiled "We look forward to hearing from all tomorrow".

And with that, and many thanks, the servants swept from the room, all clearing the table as they went.

. . .

"You, Mr Rochester are a very unconventional master" Jane said as they ascended the staircase together.

"And why is that, Ms Jane?"

"Firstly, you marry your servant-"

"Governess" he corrected, "Never my servant"

"Governess, if that is the name you prefer to give to your servant".

He shot her a warning look.

"And then you keep a house where you eat with your new household and plan to meet with the servants in order to better understand what work they are capable of rather than simply allowing them to continue with what tasks they had before"

"Well they ate tonight with us because they worked hard today and if they had to serve us dinner first they would have eaten far too late. As for choosing their own duties, well seeing as it is only me and you, and we have 6 servants each, I am sure work can be delegated based on need and ability. I have a feeling some of the servants here have been previously overworked".

Jane kissed his lips softly as they reached their bedroom door.

"You are very kind" she said, softly.

"It is you, temptress, your effect is wearing off on me" he teased.

Jane undressed quickly that night, eager to get into bed. When she was left in just her slip, she climbed into the cold sheets of the bed and pulled them up around herself. It felt relaxing to just be still, to be doing nothing besides laying in bed. She thought her body may dissolve into the mattress, never to reemerge.

'Husband you best be quick. I am freezing" Jane called, shivering slightly.

Her husband laughed lowly and walked towards the bed just in his undershirt. As he passed in front of the fire the light illuminated his frame under the thin material of the shirt and Jane sighed. He climbed over Jane, swinging one leg on either side of her.

"Thank you for everything today, Jane. For your patience with this blind blunderer" he said, seriously.

Jane reached her fingers up to brush a curl away from his face.

"Shh" she soothed "I would do it one hundred times over if only it meant I could spend that time with you".

He leaned in to kiss her passionately, driving her gently down into the pillows. Jane suddenly did not feel so cold. As the kiss broke he fell to her side onto the bed and sighed deeply.

Jane lay in silence for a minute, looking up at the ceiling peacefully. She did not know a moment in her life where she felt more overwhelmed with all that she did not deserve. How did she, small, quaint, insignificant Jane Eyre end up with this life that lay before her. How had she earned a life where she could ask for nothing in the world she was in want of?

Jane turned towards her husband but as she did she saw that he was fast asleep, laying on his stomach, his face resting peacefully on the blankets. Smiling to herself, she pulled the blankets up around him so he would not wake up cold. She kissed his hand which lay close to her and was asleep herself within moments.


	18. Chapter 18

Jane awoke to the feeling of a gentle hand smoothing the curve of her hips, her breasts and her behind. She stirred slightly, allowing for better access to where she wished to be touched, yet her eyes did not open. She smiled as she felt her husbands lips kissing her shoulder, her back and arms. His soft curls fell around his face as he worked, sending shivers along Jane's body. As she turned onto her back he climbed atop her, straddling her on either side and kissing her stomach through the thin material of her slip. Jane moaned softly, raising her arms above her head and opening her eyes.

"Will the wanting of you ever stop?" he asked aloud, pushing the material of her slip up in order to reveal her soft skin. Her hands wrapped around and joined at the back of his neck, wanting to feel some part of him. She felt his love, it pulsated through her like like fire, she felt it in the way he moved, in the way he had learned her anatomy.

He ran his finger over a mole on the top of her thigh and smiled.

"I am the only person in this world to know of that mole" he said, a hint of pride in his tone of absolute love.

Jane spoke, smiling. "No one shall ever know me as you know me. Never will someone have ownership of me as you do".

Edward nodded, looking unseeingly upon her.

"No Jane, no one could take ownership of you without your soul, and I promised to keep it safe".

His mouth was pulled needily to hers as he spoke, she could not help herself. He smiled through the kiss, parting her legs gently.

He broke the kiss suddenly and climbed to the end of the bed, sliding Jane with him. He knelt on the floor and pulled her hips towards his ready mouth. Jane tried to watch him but could not, her eyes were forced closed and her head was forced back into the blankets. The feeling of his lips, his mouth working passionately sent pleasure pulsing through her very skin. His tongue moved skillfully through the folds of her most private place. As his tongue entered her, his hand moved to massage her center of pleasure. She felt an expanding in her stomach, a pounding in chest. Lights seemed to flash under her closed eyes. Jane writhed, moaned, it was all she could do to keep from crying out. But at last it had become too much, and a familiar feeling rolled over her of being unable to control herself in any way. She cried out and her husband pulled away from her, laughing lowly.

"Jane Rochester, it is good that the servants do indeed sleep far off" he said, grinning and kissing her lips. Jane, still struggling to recover was silent, breathing heavily. His fingers felt comfortingly for her fingers which were raised above her head. She opened her eyes slowly and saw her husbands face, flushed and full of feeling. He nibbled each of her toes lightly before moving up her leg and to her inner thigh. He kissed her now wet area before trailing kisses up Jane's stomach and in-between her breasts. Edward stood, moving over his wife with great care, their hands still entwined.

As he stood before her Jane pushed up Edwards nightshirt, revealing his body beneath. She sat up, feeling dizzy for a moment before pulling the shirt over his head. She sat on the edge of the bed, her lips planting kisses along his lower stomach and waist. Deep, masculine groans issued from her husband as she worked. Jane knew that if she touched him in certain ways or in certain places she was guaranteed this reaction. Such noises, such expressions deepened her own desire. As she playfully kissed him he once again knelt before her, drawing her to him and kissing her deeply. She wrapped her legs around his waist and wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, and yet he was not close enough.

Edward took Jane's shift and pulled it easily over her head. Putting his hand on her lower back, Jane was guided into a laying position on the edge of the bed. He stood before her, she stroked him gently, taking his manhood in her hands with intent. The effect was instant, she had full power over him. He threw his head back, a smile breaking from his lips. But suddenly he took her hands away. From this standing angle he slipped himself into her, penetrating deeply. Jane moaned perhaps much louder than before, he filled every space within her, he completed what had been missing before. He rested in her momentarily before feeling her hips move helplessly. As once again the familiar wave of pleasure began to build and build she begged for him.

"Edward!, Edward" she pleaded

"I am here, my love. I am here" he promised.

His lips found hers, hot and wet the kiss soothed Jane. She liked when he made love close to her, their skin touching off one another. He moved Jane back away from the edge of the bed so that he could climb over her, still moving in and out. Ending in one moment of divine union, of perfect love-love they both proclaimed in a shared cry of pleasure, Jane felt a release within her and the radiating love move through her very veins.

Jane lay silently, not daring to open her eyes, not daring to move. She did not want this feeling to end.

"Why is my little bird so quiet? indeed I miss her voice which is song to me" Edward asked wearily, moving beside her.

"I am so utterly happy" was her simple response. "I do not know what to say for I am so happy".

She turned onto her side, her arm propping up her head. She looked on her husband, naked, masculine and opened beside her. Her arm reached across him in order to play with the soft curls with fell around his face. Smiling to herself, she laid her head on his chest. His heart was still beating so fast.

"I love you" Jane said softly in his ear, he rubbed her arm gently.

"Jane, you are the whole of my world. You are everything to me. If all else came away and ceased to be, but you continued, I would still be".

She shook her head.

"How did it come to be that my life is this?'

"This?" he asked, kissing one place on her jaw and neck repeatedly.

"Laying here, in your arms, trying to recapture sense and mind after you have loved me in such a way that is almost inconceivable"

He smiled, one singular chuckle issuing from him.

"Well Ms Rochester, you agreed to marry me, to be my wife. You agreed to share my bed every night, or perhaps even all day. You promised your confidences, your trust. Above all you promised your love, and I never thought I would be the receiver of such a good and pure thing. By God, how it plays on my heart at every moment".

He tucked a piece of loose hair behind her ear before kissing her temple lovingly. He pulled the covers around Jane and caressed her forehead with his thumb. Leaning in for one final kiss on the forehead he drew back,

"Goodnight, goodnight my darling".


	19. Chapter 19

In the following days Jane and Edward meet with all the servants and all in all, they were very happy. All seemed loyal and devoted to the house in which they worked. The final servant to enter interviews was the boy Louis, who walked in shyly, yet respectfully.

"Hello master Louis" Edward had said as Louis sat before him.

"Hello sir, madame" he said, nodding at Jane.

'Ah, Monsieur vous etes francais"

"You speak french as your wife does!" Louis said in surprise, perhaps even in relief.

"I spent some time in Paris as a youth, perhaps not much older than you. But I fear I am out of practice"

"Oh no! Your francais is wonderful. Ms Rochester has said as much" he promised.

Edward smiled, looking toward Louis.

"Louis we have called you down today because we wish to know what your duties are in this home, if there is anything you are doing now that you particularly wish to continue with or anything you dislike and would like to give up".

Louis thought for a moment.

"Well, I work in the stables with Mr Mills, but the last couple here did not ride and did not leave the house often. So us in the stables were not needed. Since then I help where I can, doing small tasks here and there".

"And do you have family?" Jane asked.

"No ma'am, none of which to speak. I am afraid I was abandoned at a young age but I am no bastard!" he said, strongly.

Jane smiled kindly at him. "No Louis, I am sure you are not. I myself had no family until I married Mr Rochester, and he was quite the same'

Louis looked surprised at Jane's honestly, but grateful for it. He nodded at her, an understanding in his look.

"Are you happy working in the stables?"

"Oh yes miss, I like horses above all else. Sometimes even people. Oh, perhaps I should not speak so".

Jane and Edward laughed

"Then it is settled, the stables is where you shall remain" Edward said. "I look forward to seeing you as head of the stables one day".

Louis thanked him excitedly, sweeping into a bow for Jane as he left the room.

"Jane, let us keep an eye on him. He is a child, a mere boy. He should not be working like this at his age, however the other option would be a boarding school and it cannot be much better'

She squeezed his arm lightly and nodded. "Yes, we must"

"Though I know you naturally would take an interest in him and thus he is well taken care of" Mr Rochester said, grinning at Jane.

. . .

As the days stretched into weeks, Mr Rochester became very comfortable in their new home. He could walk around on his own, perhaps not with ease, but in a way that he did not seem a complete stranger to the house. Jane too was contented, except with the fact that Edward seemed to be dragged into more estate work than ever before. He had assured her in bed one night that this was all very typical of the transference of estates, and that the amount of time it demanded of him would not last long.

"Otherwise" he had said, kissing her in bed one night "I would not be able to continue with it, for already it is an annoyingly long time to be separated, and I count the minutes until I can be rejoined with you".

Edward had not excluded Jane from the meetings in any way either, for she had attended several. But she being ignorant of all estate work found she could not keep up without asking many questions, and thus the meetings were greatly extended. As a result, Jane had decided to simply busy herself with other work during those times. But she couldn't help feeling a little selfish in wishing for him to return to her, for she knew that to be involved so heavily in matters of estate made Edward feel as he had before, perhaps more so of a husband, master, and man. His servants adored him, they worked loyally and kindly towards him. Jane still found it difficult to call them "her" servants. It was so close to the date when Jane herself had been in the same position as they, and it played on her mind at every moment she saw them. She had tried, many times, to interject and help with small tasks and yet she was always hurried away by a willing hand. In such moments Jane was forced to admit that although she was not unhappy in any way, she was not contented with simply sitting around.

One morning, four months into their union, Jane had decided to walk into town to the post office to receive the letters that had arrived. She had stopped Tom, who usually received the posted letters, and asked for him to allow her to go instead. Agreeing to her request, Jane entered the house again in order to tell her husband. She found him sitting in a meeting with Mr Leimens, a local magistrate. Jane knocked softly on the door before being entreated to enter.

"Hello Jane" her husband said brightly as she entered.

Mr Leimans looked lightly surprised at him knowing his wife entering the room without seeing her. But he knew Jane's knock, her walk, the sounds of her dresses and thus he knew when she had entered. Edward stood and moved swiftly from behind the desk.

"Mr Leimans if you'll excuse me for a moment" he said, feeling for Jane's hand and leading her from the room.

Outside, behind the closed study door Edward turned to his wife.

"Jane, do you come in search of more knowledge of mortgages and wages and estate?" he asked, smiling and raising his eyebrow at her.

"No, I cannot say that I do. I think perhaps I shall never be master of this estate as you are"

Edward laughed softly "What then?"

"I was just informing you that I am walking into town to pick up this mornings mail. I didn't want you to leave your meeting and find me gone without explanation".

His face sunk, he looked serious.

"Jane, I do not like the idea of you walking to town alone. This road could be filled with people and things that do not wish you well. I can be of no use to you if something were to happen- you must wait until the carriage can be arranged"

"My darling, from Thornfield I walked to town most days. I was always unharmed"

"Jane, do you think I would have let my pet lamb walk into town, even in those days, if I did not know the road by heart and could assure that there would be no danger?"

She sighed, caressing his face with her thumb.

"I am not asking for your permission, I am telling you where I am so that you may know if you came out of your meeting and could not find me".

He stepped towards her.

"And what if I was to say you are my property, you belong to me, and I forbid it", although his tone was stern Jane found his fixed expression softening.

"Then sir I should laugh at you, and say you are dreaming. I own you in the same way you own me, and that ownership involves no restraint".

He sighed and looked down.

"I married a strong woman indeed. It seems I will not get my way".

When he looked back at her his face was filled with worry.

"My love, please, be quick".

"Of course, I should not want to be away for you for longer than that" she said, kissing his cheek.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her lips deeply. Jane did not know whether it was an attempt to stay or not, but the kiss broke and she took her bonnet from the table beside her.

"I love you".


	20. Chapter 20

Jane reached town within a half an hour. The walk was beautiful, lined on both sides with fields of fresh grass that stretched as far as the eye could see. Secretly, she had not felt very well that morning and so the fresh air did her immediate good. Birds sang in trees, bees buzzed around flowers, the sun warmed her face. All was quite well.

Town was not quite large like London, nor Bath. It was not extensive or grand, yet it housed many stores and houses in which people who worked in the mills and on the river lived. Its cobble streets and stone buildings were always filled with people that Jane did not yet know. The post office was on the far end of town, so she had time to survey all that surrounded her before she reached the reason she had come in the first place. She saw children playing, men working, woman talking animatedly, surely sharing all the gossip from the days before. Jane drew attention, for she knew people understood her to be the wife of the well known, very rich Mr Rochester. She thought people expected her to be like Blanch Ingram had been, beautiful, tall, slender and graceful. And yet she was not. She was plain, small and quiet. Certain judgments followed her, for she knew that people did not know of the true reason Thornfield stood as a blackened ruin, but they did know that the woman who walked before them had married her master, and such was not often heard of. Jane did not mind, it did not worry her in the slightest that these people may be thinking unkind things of her. She was happy beyond words, contended beyond what she deserved, and all was right.

Jane entered the post office and heard a bell ring. It was empty, and she could not see anyone initially. Suddenly, a figure appeared from behind a stack of letters looking frazzled and distracted.

"Hello" he called, not looking up from the letter he surveyed.

"Hello" Jane replied, stepping forward towards the counter.

"How may I help you ma'am?"

Still, he did not look at her. He threw the letter he had been examining aside and picked up another which lay on the top of a nearby stack.

"I have come to collect today's mail. The mail of the house of Edward Rochester".

He suddenly looked up. His glasses slid halfway down his nose, and he pushed them up with his index finger.

"Ah, you work in the house?"

"No indeed, I am Ms Rochester".

Another overlong pause where he sized her up considerably. Jane stood before him, slightly uncomfortable, wishing he would hand her the letters so that she may be off.

'i see" was his reply as he handed Jane the bundle from behind the desk.

The bell dinged again as the door was opened by another woman, perhaps a little older than Jane but not by much. She looked a little frantic as she entered, pulling off her hat and addressing the man who was still eyeing Jane. Glad for the distraction that took his gaze off of her, Jane thanked him briefly before turning and exiting the shop.

Outside, she walked a little ways down the road before stopping to look at the letters. Most were addressed to Mr Rochester but the last one was addressed to her. Jane beamed upon realizing it was from Diana and Mary, she had been indeed waiting for a reply for quite some time, nearly three months. She had written to them shortly after her marriage to explain to them all that had occurred since she had left them. Edward had hung over her shoulder as she wrote, asking for the words to be read aloud to him.

"I have married _him_? What Jane, do they know of me already?"

"Indeed, I told them all"

"All? Oh Jane I'm afraid you set a poor reputation before me"

"No, of course I do not. They know how deeply I love you, and why"

"Then perhaps you should refer to me in sweeter sentiments? I have married my love, or my darling-"

"I shall be forced to write 'My greatest torment' if you do not sit back and allow me to write"

He slumped grumpily back in the armchair besides Jane, glancing unseeingly forwards. Jane looked up, grinning at him slyly.

"He has proved to be a satisfactory husband and lover-" Jane said decidedly, pretending to scribble down such words on the parchment before her. But she was stopped by Edward, who pulled Jane onto his lap in the adjoining armchair.

"You shall pay for that one, witch" he promised, bringing a laughing Jane close in his arms.

"Promise me that you speak the truth"

She shook her head, smiling at him.

"I cannot"

"Why not" he asked, kissing her nose.

"Because it would be a lie".

He grinned at her, his head tilting to rest against the back of the chair. She thought in that moment he could not look more handsome.

"By God is my love for you, which radiates from every atom of my being, not enough?"

Jane smiled running her fingers through his soft curls.

"It is more than enough. It is everything".

He guided her chin towards him and pressed his lips to hers, bringing her body to a wonderful weightlessness.

"You are my whole world, Jane Rochester".

Jane smiled at the memory as she stared at the reply letter. It made her want to return home perhaps a little faster than she But suddenly she was pulled from her thoughts in hearing a voice calling to her. She turned to see the woman who had entered the post office after her hurrying after her.

"Hello, I am sorry, you left a letter back in the shop, I wished to catch you" the woman said, struggling to catch her breath.

"Thank you very much" Jane said, taking the letter in her outstretched hand. "I appreciate it. My name is Jane Rochester".

"I know" said the woman smiling, "I am Eliza Moore. I've just moved here as well".

"It is very nice to meet you, Ms Moore" Jane said, smiling.

"Oh, it's Eliza. Are you walking this way?"

"Yes, I am"

"Then I shall walk you back as far as your house, for I am sure your house must come before mine. Mr Moore wanted a house quite far from town".

Jane smiled as they headed towards home.


	21. Chapter 21

"I am glad to have meet someone here" Jane said as the exited the town. "Especially someone who is new, like myself"

"Well, I say I am new because I have felt so isolated here. In truth, I am not very new at all, although that is how I feel".

They walked over a small bridge with a brook beneath it, which was the main divider between town and the surrounding area.

"How long is it that you have you resided here then?"

"Almost a year. Me and my husband moved here just shortly after we had been married. He does not like London, you see".

"And so then he is happy here while you are not?"

"I believe he is more than happy" she said, smiling weakly at Jane "But I am not, for I love the city. I love balls, and dances and society. He prefers nature, a hunting riffle and his dogs".

"I fear I am the opposite of you" Jane said, "I have not much desire to partake in society"

"Well as a governess you wouldn't, would you?"

But Eliza's eyes widened as she spoke and she covered her mouth in horror.

"I am sorry, I have spoken well out of turn".

Jane smiled and shook her head.

"No, do not apologize, it is the truth. You are right, being a governess exposed me to very little society. But I do not believe I have a natural disposition towards it in any case. I am generally quiet, and I much prefer to watch and to listen rather than to talk and be heard".

"Oh no, I love to talk" Eliza said, happily. "I fear that at home another thing my husband loves is peace and solitude. I do not ramble to him as I am sure I ramble to you"

"No!" Jane assured "You do not ramble".

"I do make it seem though that I am unhappy with my husband, and I certainly am not. He is a wonderfully kind and decent man. He just enjoys his time alone. It works in our marriage, for otherwise I think we would fight often. Perhaps that is not quite right of me to say".

Jane slowed her walk to look meaningfully at her saddened companion.

"I think marriage is a very complex relationship, one that is greatly different to every couple. I do not think there can ever be a formula for what is 'right' or 'wrong'. It then must be a very personal matter, and you must determine for each other what passes between you".

Eliza smiled at Jane, and nodded slowly.

"I believe you must be right, you speak with such confidence. It leads me to believe you are a greatly loved woman".

Jane smiled, "You flatter me greatly, for at times I can be a person lacking great confidence".

Eliza laughed, agreeing wholeheartedly.

When they arrived at the walk of the Rochester's house Jane said her goodbye's to Eliza. She had been a good walking companion, Jane had enjoyed her conversation. Once she had seemed a little less worried about the impression she was leaving and spoke with ease, she was very pleasant and agreeable. She left Jane with the promise that she would send her an invitation for afternoon tea for one day later in the week and that Jane must agree to it. She continued to her house, looking a little happier perhaps, and a little more determined. Jane, hurried up the walk, more eager than she was willing to admit to see her husband.

. . .

As she entered the house she was greeted by Ms Jennings who informed her that Mr Rochester was sitting in the library. Thanking her, Jane set off for her husband. When she opened the door she saw that Edward was pacing by the fire, looking sightless out of a nearby window. Immediately he had turned towards her in hearing the door, his countenance brightening without him intending for it to be so. Jane threw aside her cloak as Edward spoke.

"Woman, where have you been all this time? I have been worried sick, I have been unable to accomplish anything while you have been away"

"My darling I have only been to town and back, I've been only a little over the hour"

"It is when I sit here alone, waiting for you to return, unable to know where you are"

Jane advanced, standing before him and taking his hand reassuringly.

"Perhaps it was not right of me to leave you without you being able to know where I've gone, or to come and find me. I met a woman in town, which is why perhaps I took a little longer than expected coming home. I am sorry".

Edward shook his head, turning away from his wife.

"Jane, I cannot make you slave to my wishes. It is hardly your responsibility to mold your life around this blind block. Of course you should be able to walk to town for as long as you like without me. As you say, you are not to ask me for permission if it is your wish to go".

Jane played with the fingers that rested so easily in hers.

"It is my responsibility in every way" she assured him "I married you because I do not want it any other way".

His face relaxed a little and a small smile almost played across his lips.

Next time come with me, I do not wish for distance from you, and thus we would both be happier together".

"Always" he replied, kissing Jane's lips briefly.

Jane pulled back from him, grinning broadly.

"Woman you called me?" she teased "I think I liked that".

"Well you aren't supposed to, I was attempting to be cross with you" he said, kissing her temple.

Jane laughed as Edward stepped back to sit in his large armchair by the fire, gently pulling Jane with him. She sat on his lap as he easily moved her legs over the arm of the chair so that she might be more comfortable and wrapped his arm around her waist. He put his chin on her shoulder as she sorted through the letters, reading to him which ones had arrived.

"I forgot! Diana and Mary responded" she said happily, slipping that letter from the bottom of the pile and opening it. She read it's contents aloud,

"Dear Jane,

Mary and I could not be happier for you. When we received your letter we could only pray that you had indeed secured your happiness in marriage. Please tell us that you are content, and that you find married life all you hoped it would be. The way you described Mr Rochester to us the night you departed left Mary and I in no doubt of your affection for him (Jane felt Edwards lips brush her neck). We are all quite well here. Mary and I intended to finish our terms of work at our respective governing positions before moving back into father's old house to reside permanently. Your great kindness Jane, has given us every comfort in the world. We cannot write so happily of St John, for we hear so very little from him. He is preparing for his departure, and he has very little time for even us. When he departs we are sure that we will not see him again, but as it is his wish, and what he believes to be God's, he will not be stopped.

Please write your return letter soon, we wait to hear from you.

Diana and Mary".

"Jane, you must invite them here. It seems these women have great sense".

Jane shook her head, speaking warmly, "You say that because they approve of you'.

"But of course".


	22. Chapter 22

That night at dinner Jane found she had no appetite. The food that sat on the plate before her all seemed so sickening that she could hardly swallow one bite. She assumed she was becoming ill as the weather had been changing, tt was turning into fall now, and a crisp wind swept over all of England. Jane eventually put down her fork and moved her plate away, unable to look at her food anymore.

"Jane, are you well?" her husband asked, glancing towards her.

"You sit here and yet you eat nothing, and you have eaten nothing all of today".

"I suppose I am simply not hungry" she said, honestly.

Edward felt for Jane's forehead, pressing his hand to it lightly.

"Jane, you are quite warm. I am sure that if I were to look upon your cheeks they would be flushed and colored. Come", he said, rising out of his chair and moving Jane's back.

"We can have our tea while you are in bed".

It wasn't until Jane was undressed from the days warm clothes and got into bed in just her slip that she realized how unwell she truly felt. Edward had gone to request tea and had taken it at the door when it had been brought up. Jane pulled a pillow against her back and learned against the backboard of the bed. She had not focused on her husband making the tea, but her attention was brought back to him when he offered her a cup. Thanking him, she took it in her hands and drank gratefully.

"Thank you" Jane said "You are right, I should be in bed".

He smiled graciously and busied himself making his own tea. "Do you find you are often sick, Jane?"

"No, the opposite. You see, you have treated me too well, my body has relaxed too much".

He smiled and chuckled to himself as he pulled a chair up beside her at the bed, his arm resting on her legs.

"I thought such was the case. I took ill very often as a child" Mr Rochester said. "It was for no other reason than I was often told I was sickening, and I was spoiled. Perhaps similar to Adele sickening at times when you were her governess".

"I did notice at times when she claimed to be sick she had no signs of such being the truth".

Mr Rochester laughed, sipping his tea.

"And now?" Jane asked

"Now I sicken very infrequently"

"I believe that must be good thing, I cannot imagine you faring well with a cold. I can think of you being deeply angered and deeply annoyed, casting off everything in your path".

They laughed together, and Mr Rochester looked unseeing upon her with his dazzling eyes.

"Witch"

He felt for her lips, and pressed his to hers deeply before Jane pulled back.

"No, you mustn't. I am sick, I don't wish to make you so".

"I do not think that will make much difference now, love. Not when I kissed every inch of you last night, and this morning".

Jane sighed with happiness at such words as his lips reconnected with hers. When the kiss broke she hung, suspended in the air. He had a certain way of kissing her that left her desperate for more, which left her feeling lightheaded and dazed. Jane laid the cup on the table beside her and slipped down into bed, her head thanking her for resting on the soft pillow.

"Tell me a story" Jane implored, reaching for his hand. He laid his own finished cup down and gave both of his hands to her, thinking.

"Shall I tell you of the first time I saw the ocean".

Jane smiled, she herself had never seen the ocean before. It would be a dream to see, and he must have guessed this, for he took her reflectful silence as a yes.

She listened with great interest, closing her eyes so she could only hear her husbands soothing voice. She had always loved his voice, she had loved how deep, yet how gentle and melodic it was. She loved the feeling of her fingers in his, and as he spoke she gave his hand little squeezes in moments of happiness or enthusiasm. Sometimes she received a small squeeze back, all while he continued talking. He was a natural storyteller, for her noticed small details other people did not. He remembered the white foam of the waves, the smell of salt, the eternal sounds of the moving water. He remembered the stark contrast between the tan sand and the bright blue of the ocean. He remembered feeling quite alone there, despite others being around. He was totally at peace there.

"It sounds so beautiful" Jane had said when he finished.

"Jane, it was unlike any other beautiful thing, And it is equally beautiful all over the world".

"I should love to see it one day" she confessed, pulling the blankets up around her shoulders.

"And you will" he promised, kissing her hand, which was still wrapped in his. "I want to see it through your eyes, I wish to see the whole world anew through your eyes, Jane".

She smiled as he stood before her, "I should let you sleep, I am sure you are in need of it"

He paused, looking lovingly upon her.

"Goodnight my darling", his soft lips pressed against her forehead.

"Goodnight Edward" she said, seeing him smile at the sweet way his voice had been pronounced.

"I shall be out here if you need me".

And with that, he swept from the room, closing the door softly behind him.


	23. Chapter 23

Days passed in which Jane only felt marginally better each morning. Not contented with laying in bed, Jane took to reorganizing the library with her free time. Indeed, she had nothing but free time. She had enlisted the help of her husband so that he could prove useful and not feel unhelpful, yet including him seemed to complicate the whole process as it took him much longer to accomplish a task then it would have taken Jane. Still, she did not mind in the slightest, in fact, it kept them both very happy.

Jane reentered the study, struggling to balance her arms filled with books, and found Ms Jennings handing Mr Rochester a bundle of bound letters. He thanked her, and she bowed to Jane briefly before exiting the room.

"Shall I read them to you?" Jane asked, laying down the books in her arms on a nearby table.

"Please do! My arms feel like lead from all the hauling of books"

Jane smiled as he sat in his armchair by the fire. It was a cold fall day, and it was a welcomed warmth. She sat beside him in her armchair and was handed the stack of letters. The first three were of a business nature, Mr Rochester cursing them all in turn. Jane couldn't help but grin at him impassioned response to the rather mundane letters.

"Oh Jane, do not torture me further. Please, read on" he said, tapping the stack still in her hands. Smiling, she continued.

"There is one from Mr Eshton!' Jane said, and Mr Rochester's face contorted in surprise.

"Eshton? Why on earth would he be writing for?"

Jane opened the envelope and slid out the letter, reading aloud

"Rochester,

It has been too long. I believe we are both greatly changed men since we saw each other last. Married men we are! I married but last month and moved into your own county where you reside with your own Ms Rochester. I was thrilled when I heard the news. My wife was too, for she is eager to meet a new friend and my old one. You and Ms Rochester are to join us for tea this Friday afternoon, I shall hear no objections. Please send a response as soon as possible, I await it eagerly.

Eshton".

. . .

Friday afternoon found Jane and Edward in a carriage, driving towards Mr Eshtons new home.

Edward had absolutely refused the idea at first, and indeed he refused it until he received Mr Eshton's response to a letter Jane had sent unknown to him saying that they would be there Friday afternoon. Jane knew that although he may be cross at first, he could not remain in his house forever. But to her surprise he seemed to have taken courage in her belief that he wasn't broken down enough to remain locked away, and so he welcomed the chance to see an old friend.

The carriage ride was perhaps half of an hour, not far at all. The area was not large at all, and so the Rochester's and the Eshton's boarded on both sides of the county's limits.

"Jane, do you remember when he took the carriage into Milcote and you refused to take my hand?" Edward asked, suddenly.

"Indeed, for I wanted to keep you at bay"

"Holding hands is no bold act, Jane. You wore gloves for pity's sake!"

"I know. In truth it was because I did not know to what degree I could trust myself under your influence"

He laughed a masculine laugh and played with her bare fingers in his.

"Jane, to think then all I knew of you were your hands and your face"

She blushed slightly, she felt so safe in his confidence. She trusted him with everything. Even the most intimate act of trusting her body to him was an easy and natural one.

"Now" he began "I do not know the timid girl who refused to take my hand. Now your hand in always entwined in mine, or resting on my arm. It is a permanent state of guidance you so willingly give".

"I do not wish it for a moment to be any other way" she assured him, "not for an instant".

He smiled reflectively, turning to her.

"And we shall brace this tea together as well?"

Jane kissed his cheek. "Precisely".


	24. Chapter 24

They pulled in front of the Eshton's house, a large, manor house that Jane was surprised to see the young Eshton owned. It was meticulously groomed- the grass, the bushes, and the drive cleared in a fashionable cleanliness. As the carriage stopped the Eshton's came out of the house, smiling.

Mr Eshton was as Jane remembered, bright, pleasant and agreeable looking with a warm and genuine smile. His new wife was a very beautiful woman, with long blonde hair and bright green eyes. Her hair had been carefully tended to, curled, and brought to the side in a long platted hairstyle. Her dress was of a rich purple color with very elegant fabric and of a flattering style. She waved enthusiastically as Edward helped Jane down from the carriage.

"Rochester!" Eshton called, bounding forward to shake his hand

"How do you do? It has been too long, far too long since we have had the pleasure".

"Eshton you sound well! I hope that you are, I see your spirit has in no way been dimmed" Edward said, very happily.

"Not as of yet" Mr Eshton said, glancing at his wife.

"And Ms Eyre, ah, excuse me you are now Ms Rochester. I do not believe you have ever looked so well".

"Hello Mr Eshton, it is very good to see you again, I don't believe I have ever felt so well".

He smiled, Ms Eshton watched excitedly as they all reacquainted themselves, waiting for herself to be introduced.

"And this is my wife, Ms Anne Eshton"

Rochester bowed swiftly, removing his hat.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Ms Eshton".

"I am very happy to meet some of Mr Eshton's friends, it has been indeed very quiet since we have moved here"

"Which was not very long ago, my dear. But let us waste no more time. Come Edward, you must tell me all I have missed. Anne, you shall find a great friend in Ms Rochester" he assured her, smiling at Jane.

"Have a good tea, my darling" Edward said, smiling at Jane and giving her hand a quick squeeze before releasing it.

"Ms Eshton" he nodded to her before walking off with Eshton.

Anne turned on Jane, beaming.

"Oh Ms Rochester, I am so glad you are here"

"Please, call me Jane. It is an absolute pleasure to meet you"

Jane was pulled into the house, and directly into the sitting room which was situated directly at the front of the house, looking out at the elegant drive. It was a large, greatly decorated room with ornate detailing. It seemed very old, and distant from the young spirit Anne Eshton possessed. Large fabric tapestry's hung on the walls depicting biblical scenes of scorn. Reminiscent of an older time, the room was immaculate, yet void of individual character.

"I know" Anne said, humored, seeing Jane view the room. "This house is very elegant, quite outside of what newlyweds inherit. But timing simply fell into place with the death of Me Eshton's rather elderly aunt and we were given this house".

She paused, looking around as if she was seeing it all for the first time. In turning back to Jane she laughed,

"It still amuses me sometimes to imagine myself a married woman, in a distinguished family, living in this grand house".

"It is quite strange, is it not, to find yourself a married woman each morning?"

A servant entered the room with a tray of tea. With expert caution and care, she poured and served the two ladies tea. Jane, painfully aware of the expectations of the servant thanked her personally, and in seeing the shy smile of the young girl, she bustled off back to no doubt the cramped and warm kitchen downstairs.

"Jane, tell me, what did you expect in becoming a wife?"

Anne's voice was suddenly filled with a sort of small distress, a wish to clear something that has been sitting in her thoughts for quite some time.

"I do not believe I ever thought of myself in a transition from unmarried woman to wife. I just understood myself as moving from a life of bleakness to feeling utterly happy and loved. I felt that with love, all the duties of a married woman would fall into place. But I had quite an unconventional path to marriage"

Anne smiled kindly "Mr Eshton has told me as much"

"Well, because of the way in which we came to be married, I never gave much thought how it would feel to be a wife. It just felt-". Jane paused. "It felt like things simply coming into the way they were meant to be".

Anne sighed deeply, laying down her cup of tea.

"Personally, I think it extremely romantic. So many things to keep you apart, and yet the love was meant to be and so it prevailed".

Jane smiled, sipping her tea.

"And what were your expectations in becoming Mr Eshton's wife?"

"Well" Anne said, slowly. "We meet rather quickly, and we became engaged even sooner after that. Although he has never said as much I believe he was feeling a certain amount of pressure from his family to settle down and marry. I hardly had a moments notice to take in what was happening to me until we were uttering our vows at the church".

Jane laid down her teacup, surveying Anne.

"But this was not an unhappy realization for you, surely?"

"Oh no, Mr Eshton has been wonderful. I could not ask for a better suited husband to match me in temperament or in humor. He is so very funny".

"He was ever kind to me, even when I was only the governess, the only one in the room he had the right to avoid completely. Yet he always made me feel heard and respected".

"Oh no, he told me when you were pulling up what an intelligent creature you are, and how he enjoyed speaking to you. I can see it in your face too. I can see that you are kind, very good natured and honest"

"You are too kind".

Anne looked a little sadly at Jane as she spoke.

"You may think me bold, Jane, in telling you this. I can tell you and your husband are friends, as well as married partners, and I am not my husbands friend yet. As I say, we knew so little of each other before we wed, we are still learning so much of each other every day. I am perhaps more excited than I should be at the prospect of finding a friend in you. I have been a little lonely at times here".

Jane smiled warmly, "I have never had woman for a friend. Indeed the only other friend I have known outside of my husband is a girl I knew a very long time ago that passed away. I am very excited at the prospect of us becoming good friends".

Anne smiled, seeming to gain more spirit.


	25. Chapter 25

The majority of the afternoon was spent at the Eshton's. Jane found the company of Anne very agreeable. Although she spoke frequently what she did say was meaningful and honest. When a butler entered the room in the late afternoon to inform Jane of her carriage arriving, Anne walked Jane to the door where they found their husbands laughing and talking heartily together.

"Edward for goodness sake, do not stay away so long this time. I have not laughed so in ages"

"No, of course we shall not. Next time you shall come to our home, if you wish".

Anne beamed at Jane who smiled back.

"It has been so wonderful meeting you Anne, I do hope I shall see you soon".

Anne nodded firmly, "Of course you will".

After final goodbye's and thank you's, the Rochester's entered their carriage and started for home, Jane turning to see Mr Eshton reenter the house while his wife stood waving.

. . .

"Tell me Jane" Edward said immediately "How was your company this afternoon?"

"My tea was lovely. Anne is a extensive talker, she loves expressing what she thinks and feels"

"And you, Ms Jane, love to absorb the emotions and thoughts of others far more than you like to speak, thus I can imagine you to be a good pair" he said, wisely.

Jane smiled "She is very pleasant, it would be hard to dislike Ms Eshton".

Edward's face twisted into a mild concern at her words, he was clearly thinking on what she had just said.

"I was wondering after you all afternoon, for I am afraid Mr Eshton was not gushing sentiments of his new wife"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Mr Eshton being a true man of science has always been eager to show off a new finding, whether that be a plant, an animal, or a person. He carries a certain pride with him in what he studies and what he keeps around him. He loves to showcase, and yet his wife he spoke very little of, and what he did say was slightly out of sorts".

Jane felt a small pang of sadness, but entreated him to continue in his explanation.

"He asked me of married life, of course. And I spoke of you as I always have, as my closest companion, and the greatest force of love-"

"You told him before we were married I was your closest companion?" Jane asked.

"Well", he said, slowly "I am afraid he did know extensively of my fondness for you, certainly on an intellectual and emotional level".

Jane smiled, touched.

"As I was saying, I spoke of you in the way I feel for you- with endless love. He seemed almost amazed at my depth of sentiment. When I asked him of his married life he said he was very happy, and that it suited him. Yet when he described Ms Eshton he said she was young in the ability to become overexcited over small matters and depended on him for entertainment, for she does not like existing alone. Indeed I was surprised at this slight coldness from a greatly impassioned man. He did not need to marry, certainly not at his young age. And thus it was for love that he did, and yet I cannot say I saw it from him".

Jane reflected on his words, on the reality of the situation. It was true, they had married fast, without hardly knowing each other. She told Jane they were still learning each other- it must have felt incredibly isolating.

"I do not know that Anne fully knew the man she was marrying. She told me that they married quickly, that she felt there was a certain amount of pressure from his family for him to settle down-to stop roaming the globe and to get married instead. Perhaps she did not realize what a man of science Mr Eshton is, and how devoted he is to his studies. Despite his easy, agreeable nature, he would not sacrifice his work, even for a wife".

"No, you are quite right. So she felt the same way towards him then?"

"No, I believe her to be very much in love with him. She spoke of him often, and with great admiration. But it was clear her idealized image of marriage had been molded into a more mundane version of everyday life. She did not say so much to me, but it was in her tone and her looks. But perhaps-"

"What Jane?"

"Perhaps I have been spoiled and I look on marriage differently than most. For surely happiness for one cannot serve as happiness for all. Afterall, who could believe a blind blunderer twice my age with an unstable temper could make me the happiest person on this earth".

Edward scorned Jane for such characterizing features before his face softened and he kissed her forehead sweetly.

"Who could believe this young woman could be my torturer and yet strongest force of love".

Jane laughed at him, putting her head on his shoulder comfortably. She did not want to be anywhere else. She felt protected, safe, cherished. It was his smell, the feel of his strong form, his breathing. It was all hers. This was home.


	26. Chapter 26

Over the next few days Jane couldn't help but give thought to the Eshtons. It had been playing on her mind how disillusioning it would be to find yourself in a marriage where the love you believed would be present suddenly dissolves before duties and responsibilities. It made her truly appreciate her husband even more. It was shocking and hard to imagine what some wives must suffer at the hands of their husbands when such a good, selfless soul stood before her at every moment. Still, she could not shake these thoughts from her mind, and they stayed with her in the following days of her tea.

She thought perhaps she had been the only one, yet one night she woke to Mr Rochester tossing violently in his sleep. She sat up quickly and heard him muttering, his face twisting into pain. As his tossing became more frantic Jane shook him to wake him. As his eyes flashed opened Jane spoke to him warmly.

"Edward, Edward, shh, shh, I am here"

"Jane" he said, breathlessly, "I have not dreamed like that in so long".

Jane took his hands in hers and kissed his forehead reassuringly.

"What torments you?"

"It is nothing to give any time to. It is a mere falsehood, one that has haunted me for too long and was brought on by our recent visit to the Eshtons".

Jane understood.

"I know it sounds silly, but seeing a married couple in perhaps a more real reality of marriage embedded seeds of doubt in the back of my mind as to how real our marriage can be. How can it be real, Jane?'.

She moved on top of him, moving her face close to his and kissing him deeply.

"Does that seem real?"

He smiled "I have told you before, gentle sweet dream, you shall fly too"

Jane lay beside him again, putting her head onto his shoulder. Her lips brushed his neck as she lay there, closing her eyes.

"Sleep easy, our love is not an empty promise. In fact, I am afraid that one day when you wish to be rid of me, you will not be able to do so".

He turned to face her, his face flushing with feeling.

"Kiss me" he said, lowly.

She pressed her lips to his passionately, him running his fingers through her loose hair. She could sense relaxation come over him and felt his ease when the kiss broke.

"What Jane, is that to be it for me tonight?

"Yes, I think so" she said, grinning and turning over so that her back was against him and his arms would be around her.

He chuckled to himself before cuddling close to her, his face buried in her hair.

. . .

The next morning Jane woke up quite early. Her sleep had been sound, and yet when her eyes opened she felt fully awake. She tried to untangle herself stealthily from Edward as not to wake him, but when she had moved she had woken him too. She grabbed her nightdress from the nearby chair she had hung it on the night and pulled it over her head before pulling her husbands robe around her and tying it at the waist. Walking back to the bed she sat on her husbands side, leaning on him for support.

"Good morning" Jane said happily. His curls were messy from the nights sleep and his face was pressed sleepily into the pillow.

"Morning my darling" he said, his voice heavy.

"Will you come down to breakfast with me now?"

"Mmmm" he moaned, feeling for her, "Come back to bed"

She shook her head, laughing as he pulled her to him, holding her closely.

"Please"

"I am hungry" Jane said, freeing herself from him. "I'll see you downstairs"

"You're forgetting something"

Pressing her lips to his, she smiled, kissing him quickly before heading for breakfast.


	27. Chapter 27

Breakfast was a quiet affair that morning, quieter than normal. Jane sat alone with her tea, waiting for her husband to arrive. It was a beautiful, vibrant morning filled with birds singing and wind moving swiftly through tree's. She couldn't help but feel very moved by it. The sun was deceptive, for it was not warm, but the world was flooded in golden light. What a perfect day.

At last Mr Rochester rounded the corner, fully dressed and looking expectantly for Jane's voice.

"Come" Jane said, "I must fix you up"

He walked towards her and she slightly moved how the cravat was situated under his waistcoat. He always turned a little sullen when Jane fixed a way he had dressed himself, she supposed it was such a mark of independence to dress yourself in the morning, and it was a task taken from him. But all the same she never hesitated to do so.

"I suppose my hair is combed too into a state"

"No, actually. But you need it cut"

"Which you will help me with today?"

"But of course"

. . .

After breakfast Jane asked for a bath to be drawn. Her and Edward happily reminisced about times in Ferndean when they were forced to boil water and carry it up over the steep flights of steps.

"And you witch" he said, removing his clothes next to the newly drawn bath "wouldn't let me assist you"

"Because the task involved boiling water and steep steps"

He grinned at her words, slipping his nightshirt over his head. Although Jane felt that she now knew his body as she knew her own, it was still a pausing moment every time she saw it. She had learned herself through that body, felt protected by it, safe with it. Her heart swelled as he dropped slowly into the tub, for she was still so deeply in love with slipped under to wet his hair and reemerged moving the hair away from his face swiftly. Jane sat behind him on a hair and combed his hair. Jane was very careful and took her time cutting his hair. Indeed she had never cut a males hair before her husband. However, his curly hair made it a slightly more forgiving task and she finished, happy with the result.

"See how does it feel" she said, combing through it once more.

His hands reached up and moved through it expertly. "It feels perfect, thank you my love"

Jane stood from the stool, drying her hands in a nearby towel.

"Did you know there are men in town that specifically deal with men's hair?"

"I do know that. I went to a so called 'barber' in the west indies, he did a terrible job and I have never forgiven the general men in the profession. Besides, I prefer you" he said, simply.

"Well then, I should be happy to maintain my duties" she said, handing Edward a towel for his hair.

When he stood and exited the bath he grabbed a different robe that Jane hadn't noticed hanging behind the door. It was a dark green instead of navy and was much newer.

"I figured" he said, pulling it around himself, "If my wife was to be in my robe half of the time, I should get a new one".

Jane smiled, surprised.

"You could have taken it from me at any time, you did not need to go and buy a new one"

"No, I suppose I did not. You must swim in all the excessive fabric, I suppose I could have ordered you a robe that would actually fit you, but, you like it and so it is yours".

Jane stood on her tip toes in order to kiss him in thanks and was immediately was drawn into a deep and passionate kiss. Edward placed his hand in the small of her back, drawing her even closer than she already was. His wet hair fell around her face, the robe slipped from its tie holding it closed. He lifted her bum and instinctively she wrapped her legs around his waist so that he could walk her into their adjoining bedroom. She could feel his burning skin pressed against her dress. She could feel her lips were needy and wanting.

Edward lay her down on the bed, moving over her earnestly. Now he was completely exposed, his robes hanging loosely around his shoulders. As he began to move down her stomach, Jane sat up quickly.

"No, you mustn't".

He pulled his lips away from her, looking up concernedly at her.

"My Jane, what is wrong?"

"It is my time this month"

"I have told you before that I do not care. Has something changed? Do you not want to be with me during your time?"

"No, it is not that" Jane said, beginning to feel more and more embarrassed as her cheeks becoming more flushed.

"Then what?" he said, gently "Tell me".

Jane felt tears rise to her eyes and the hot flood that came over her were painful.

She was gathered to his arms lovingly and held close. She cried into his shoulder silently, her body shaking slightly. He smoothed her hair consolably and kissed her temple while wrapping his robe around her for warmth. He held her until she spoke.

"I have missed my time for the past few months, and I thought-", she paused, "that I was with child" she finished in a devastated tone.

"What Jane? is this truly it?" he said looking pained, wiping tears from her eyes, "Have you been putting this pressure on yourself?"

She looked down at the bed "I know that you wanted children, and I wanted children, and I just thought that-"

"Jane Rochester, look at me" he said, turning her face gently to his.

"I want children with you, and I know you want children with me, yet we have been married but half a year and the weight of that unfair burden on yourself is too great. We will be blessed with a child when the time is right". Jane sniffled a little and he kissed her forehead reassuringly, closing his eyes. "Jane,you are my whole world. You have been from the moment we first spoke. If we never are given children together I will still have you, and that will always be more than I am deserving of". He paused, looking unseeingly at her. "You are everything".

Jane did not know what to say. She felt the weight lift from her shoulders the moment she had told him, and the tears that still came from her eyes were not so painful. She looked into his pained, loving face and saw nothing but a wish to comfort, to heal.

"I wanted to make you happier than anything else. My excitement perhaps got the better of my sense and I allowed myself to be overwhelmed in hope".

He shook his head, stroking her face tenderly.

"Of course you were excited, and you shall be excited again. It was simply not meant for this moment. But you Jane, you are my whole happiness. Nothing will ever change that".

Jane nodded, resting her head on her husbands shoulder.

"I should have confided in you sooner"

"You never have to tell me anything you do not wish to, Jane. But if it would decrease any worry-"

"Thank you" she said, drawing her head up to look at him.

He smiled warmly, shaking his head "We promised to love each other 'in good times and in bad, remember?"

"I do not think I am not likely to forget any time soon".

Jane felt his soft lips press against hers conveying all the love they did not have the words for.


	28. Chapter 28

**-I just wanted to say a very warm and genuine thank you to all the readers of this story. I absolutely love hearing from you, and reading what you guys think of the story. Jane and Rochester's story is one I really admire as much as I am sure you guys do, so it is wonderful being able to share it with you all. Thank you, thank you -**

Edwards warm hands slipped inside Jane's dress and massaged her back, she closed her eyes, smiling and laid her head once again on her husbands shoulder. Edward knew exactly how to soothe her, how to calm her, how to reassure her. She felt a pride rise within her as she considered how intimately he knew her, and how natural it bad been for his hand to find her back, her neck. How good it felt.

"Edward Rochester you are spoiling me".

"I very much doubt that, for it can never amount to what you do for me. Yet, it is in your nature to be humble and thus I will never hear the truth of it from you"

"That is because our truths are different one's, Mr Rochester".

He drew her face close with his hand was pressed gentle against the back of her neck.

"Must I show you that you are wrong, my darling?" he whispered.

"I think you must"

Smiling, Jane lay back on the bed, her arms raised over her head easily. Mr Rochester ran his hand gently up Jane's leg, moving her dress up with his fingers. He looked down upon her as if he could see her, as if she held an image of her in his mind as he worked. With assistance from Jane, he slowly removed her dress over her head. He bent his lips over her stomach, trailing soft kisses up to her breasts. Jane drew her knee's up in pleasure, her legs gently touching her husbands back. He smiled at the sensation, continuing to kiss up to her jaw. Reaching her face he kissed her lips lovingly.

"Are you convinced?"

Jane shook her head playfully, wrapping her arms around her neck, drawing the kiss deeper. Jane wrapped her legs around his waist as she unbuttoned his jacket sloppily, she felt lightheaded from the kiss. It was easy to remove his jacket, his vest and and finally his shirt. Jane traced her fingers along his stomach, side and bottom. He leaned into her touch, small moans issuing from him. Jane smiled at his expression as she touched him. He was so honest in these moments.

As he parted her legs again and felt gently up the inside of her thigh his fingers ran over the wet blood of her monthly. She sat up to look at him, fearful for a moment of his reaction. But he simply smiled to himself and kissed Jane's forehead.

"There's my Jane" he said, softly.

He moved back to her lips, kissing her passionately before it was broken by his entering of her. She gasped, her head falling back onto the pillows. He moved slowly in and out of her, for it grew her desire for him. He pulled her into a sitting position, holding her as he moved at a quicker pace and penetrated deeper. Jane's arms fell around his neck as he held her close, gasping and breathing into his neck. The rush of pleasure that came over her was so great and so vast that her body shuddered and lights flashed under her closed eyes. She felt her husband finish beneath her, releasing himself with her. She fell back onto the bed wrapped in her husbands arms, moving his still damp curls away from his eyes. He smiled at her gentle touch, and kissed her wrist before sighing deeply.

"Jane, if I could lie here with you all day-"

"I know. You have afternoon commitments"

"Damn them" he condemned.

"No, you shall be there, for you are master of this house and of all the servants that serve you"

"It can wait"

"It cannot" Jane smiled, pecking his searching lips.

He paused, turning unhappily to Jane. He kissed her forehead lovingly before standing and walking to the washstand. Jane could see the reminiscence of their lovemaking on him- standing to join him she wrapped her arms around him from behind and looked in the mirror he could not see.

"Perhaps the bath water will still be warm enough for a rinse" she advised.

He grinned as he left the room, entering the bathroom.


	29. Chapter 29

Mr Rochester was tied up in meetings all morning long. Jane, wanting to be useful and seeking some easy company entered the kitchens to peel some apples or potatoes for the supper that night. The servants were now used to Jane helping out around, and in truth they did not seem to mind.

"Good morning Ms Rochester" the group of women said as she entered the kitchens.

"Good morning all, how are you?"

"Well miss"

"You look better then well Jenny, you are simply beaming this morning" Jane said, turning towards a particular girl in the group.

"Yes miss, for I am an engaged woman"

"Oh Jenny! congratulations" Jane said happily, approaching her. Jenny flashed her the ring that was now on her left hand, it had a gold band with a small opal in the middle.

"Oh Jenny, it is so beautiful'

'Aye miss, is it not?

"And who is the lucky man?"

"Mr Campbell"

"I am afraid I do not know him"

"You wouldn't miss" she said hastily "He works in town, he is a cooper there. We are both busy, and so we see each other little. But last night he proposed"

"How long have you known him?"

"Must be two months"

"Indeed! it must have been a surprise then when he asked the question then"

"Well no ma'am. I knew soon as I lay eyes on him that he was going to be mine. You do not need to know each other long to know you are in love".

"No, of course. Excuse me, I spoke hastily. I did not mean to imply the short length of time you have known him is a bad thing".

"No miss, I did not think you were being cruel. We are engaged to quickly because, you see-" she stopped abruptly, but continued. "I am pregnant"

Almost immediately Jenny looked remorseful at what she had said. The girls around her shot her warning looks, as if she had been out of line to mention this to her employer. If she wanted to keep her job as a respectable woman she had spoken out of turn, for such a statement could have cost her a job. As she began to speak frantically in explanation Jane smiled kindly.

"If such is the case, it is even a more wonderful thing you are marrying. You shall have a child together! and that is a special thing for a man and woman to share".

A a look of relief spread across Jenny's face, "Well perhaps it is not the way I imagined it happening, but that is all that can be said now. I am happy, Mr Campbell is happy, so all is well".

"Exactly" Jane said, "As I am sure you girls know, I did not have a conventional route to marriage", the other girls shared knowing looks, "But I did not let that stop my happiness"

Emma, another of the kitchen workers smiled happily as she spoke, "Oh Ms Rochester, it does not matter how you came to be. I do not know that I have ever seen a married couple so in love. My uncle and aunt married at 18 and they had no love in their marriage, seeing as I had no parents to reference I was sure all marriages are similar to that. But Mr Rochester treats you with so much care, and so much kindness, it makes me think I will find a man like that".

Jane blushed deeply as Ms Jennings rounded the corner

'Ms Rochester, Mr Rochester is looking for you"

"Tell him I shall come directly".

Jane turned back to the girls in the kitchen, laying her basket of peeled apples back on the table.

"I shall catch up with you later" she said, smiling at them all.

"Goodbye Ms Rochester, thank you for the help".

. . .

Mr Rochester was in the hall, pacing back and forth energetically.

"Sir, how may I assist you?" Jane asked, her hands held behind her back, advancing slowly towards him.

He moved towards her, a sweet smirk on his face.

"How was the rest of your morning, my darling?" he said, softly.

"Perfectly lovely. I lay in bed for a little bit longer after you left, but it was lonely without you beside me, so I bathed and dressed quickly before coming downstairs".

"Mmm" he said, kissing her lips slowly. He paused as the kiss broke, looking longingly towards her.

"I thought, my sweet Jane, that you may wish to accompany me into town this afternoon".

"Of course, but what are we going for?"

"Some new books. I believe we are all out".

"I will grab my hat and shawl, one moment" she called, already halfway down the hall in excitement. Edward chuckled to himself, biting his lip as he shook his head.


	30. Chapter 30

When Jane returned from retrieving her things she found Edward speaking to Louis outside. She hung around the corner, watching their conversation from behind the door frame.

"They are wonderful horses Louis, you have quite good taste"

Louis beamed, nodding at his master.

"Thank you sir, I like horses so much. I take great pride in them here"

"I can see that. Perhaps you would care to accompany me the next time we are in need of buying a horse. I can feel this one is not young by any means, for its back is quite sunken, and as I am unable to see the horse for myself, I will need an expert with me"

"What about Ms Rochester?"

"Ms Rochester knows close to nothing about horses" Jane said, stepping around the corner. Edward looked to her, smiling at her reappearance.

"Indeed Louis, the first time me and Ms Rochester meet she bewitched my horse so that I was forced from it and she could save me by coming to my aid".

Louis' eyes widened with shock as he turned to Jane.

"Is this true miss?"

"Mr Rochester has greatly exaggerated the story, his horse was merely starteled coming upon me in a dark lane".

He laughed freely as Jane and Edward turned to each other, smiling.

"Do I have your word then, Louis, that you will help me? You see I cannot trust my wife".

"It would be an honor, sir" was the heartfelt response.

Mr Rochester opened the door of the carriage, helping Jane inside.

"Then I look forward to the occasion".

Louis bowed deeply and waved from the main door as they drove off towards town.

"That was very kind of you to offer that to Louis as something to look forward to, he looks up to you a great deal".

"It wasn't merely out of kindness, it will be helpful to have him along"

"Though you could easily choose a horse on your own?"

"Yes" he said warmly "Even so".

Jane smiled as he felt for her hand and yet a sad pang resonated in the pit of her stomach that caused her face to fall- he would be the most wonderful father. He was excited to be a wonderful father, to take care of a family. He had always been a natural caretaker. And she thought that she was about to hand that reality to him. She knew he had been genuine when he told her not to worry, that he had been hurt by her grieving alone, that he was speaking truthfully when he said he only wanted her and he would be happy. And yet she was painfully aware of a void that she was waiting to fill for the both of them. She imagined the feeling of being fully women she had experienced when she had looked in the bathroom mirror could not be so strong now if she were to look again. For now however, she pushed the thoughts from her mind and admired the view outside the carriage window.

. . .

Town was busier than normal on that particular day, and yet the arrival of the Rochester's carriage seemed to slow all the action. Heads turned as the carriage stopped and the door opened to reveal Mr Rochester. He extended his hand in order to help Jane down from the step and as she stepped out she could see the sheer amount of people who had stopped to stare.

"Have we drawn a scene?" he asked softly

"We have indeed, you would think Queen Victoria herself just exited our carriage"

He chuckled, "Then come, though I am proud to show you off I know that you are still no fan of attention", he held his arm out to her which she graciously took before he whisked her away.

The book shop was a rather quaint place. It was clearly underappreciated within the town for it was immaculate and almost always empty. Jane visited almost every time she was in town, and as a result she had come to know the shopkeeper by name- though he was neither a social creature or an introvert. He was simply busy and deeply interested in his work. As the door of the bookstore was opened and a small bell sounded the owner came around the corner to see who had arrived.

"Ms Rochester, hello" he said blandly, immediately turning back to the pile of books he was sorting.

"Hello Mr Jorde" Jane replied, "Where are your new books?"

"I am sorting them here now, if you would like to look at them I can make myself busy with another task".

Without waiting for a reply he abandoned his current task and disappeared behind the desk.

"Friendly fellow" commented Rochester under his breath. Jane smiled and silenced him.

"Shh, you must keep your comments to yourself".

"Then you must be kind enough to tell me which books are before us".

"Hm, let me see. 'The modern science of apparitions', 'The high and mighty-'

A groan issued from Mr Rochester

'The modern piano player', perhaps that one would not be so bad for myself"

"No Jane, for I can teach you better then a book"

"I will told you to it then" she said, feeling his hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

"There are books on world religions, philosophy, general theories of science"

"Shall we take them all?"


	31. Chapter 31

"You could always just come to bed as you are" Edward teased that night, helping Jane search for her nightdress.

"I could if I wanted to freeze"

"You would not freeze with me around, my darling"

Jane raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled

"I know the look, Jane, you must be casting my way"

Jane laughed and continued looking for her dress until Edward pulled it out from under the sheets.

"It looks like I will not be needed after all" he said as he handed it to her.

"We shall see about that"

Jane thanked him as she removed her robe and slipped the nightdress over her head. Edward got into bed easily, discarding his own robe. She smiled to herself, for the thin fabric of his nightshirt always showed off his strong figure of which he was so unaware. How attractive Jane found him in such moments. He looked simply childlike in his contentedness getting into bed.

"You always look so happy climbing into the bed" Jane said, walking over herself and slipping between the blankets.

"Do I? That is because I always am happy. I get to fall asleep every night beside the woman I love above all else in the world. With that promise every night who could not be happy?"

Feeling deeply moved, Jane propped her head up on her arm and looked at her husband. She touched the scar on his forehead gently, bringing her lips to it and kissing it.

"By God, if I had lost you then" she said, her voice breaking slightly. "What would I have been without you?"

Edward sat up looking serious. He took Jane's face in his hand and drew her close to him.

"I thought I had lost you Jane, and when I woke under doctors care I wished to God he would have taken me. I could not bare the thought of living in a world where you did not exist"

Jane nodded, tears rising to her eyes.

"Every ounce of anguish you felt was my fault, even a word from me could have eased so much"

"No Jane, my darling. Everything that happened was the fault of my deceit and my selfishness. How unfair I was to drag you into my broken world".

"Our worlds are broken without each other, I could never be whole without you".

He smiled sadly into her green eyes, though he could not tell that hers were brimming with tears, and his hands moved through her hair which fell down her back.

"I do not have the words Jane, to tell you what you mean to me" he said "for everyday I find myself deeper and deeper in love with you". As he spoke his fingers trailed affectionately along her back. She closed her eyes as his lips fell against her forehead. Smiling, she wrapped her arms around his neck and spoke softly in his ear.

"You do not have to tell me, I know".

The kiss that her lips were meet by was deep and loving. She moved into his embrace, wishing to be closer to him, wishing to be enveloped by him. Jane broke the kiss to brush her lips along his neck and jaw. He moaned deeply, and pulled slightly at the neck of her nightgown, Jane feeling a momentary cold at the top of her back. He fell gently back onto the bed and Jane pulled up his nightshirt to his chest. Jane traced her fingers along his chest and stomach, him moving beneath her touch. She smiled at the emotions which moved over his face. Her hands had such power over him, and his looks begged her to not stop. He kissed along his neck, his chest and stomach, sucking occasionally on certain places where his groans were issued strongly. She stopped only above his manhood, pulling back from him with a slight disappointment spreading across his face. Her hands found his face, moving away strands of hair to reveal his face fully flushed and filled with love. She smiled at him and kissed his lips lightly. Moving back to watch him as her hand found his manhood.

"Jane!" he breathed as her hand worked its power over him. She silenced him with a kiss, feeling his words transfer into his lips. His hand suddenly moved from her lower back to her wrist as he stopped her,

"Jane, you mustn't continue, I will finish before you"

"That is the point, Mr Rochester"

His hand let go of her wrist. Jane could feel the tension building and building from him, he grunted and groaned and she felt her own desire deepen at such sounds. He writhed beneath her until there was a release and his breathing began to slow. Jane kissed his slightly sweaty brow and moved over him, resting her chin on his chest. He smiled at her weight on him and rested his head on his arm.

"Oh Jane Rochester, I am not done with you yet" he said, sitting up so that she was straddling him. His hand brushed her cheek as his lips meet Jane's in a passionate embrace. As they kissed, his hand roamed her body, feeling every inch of her with immense love. His lips moved from her mouth to her breast where he sucked playfully through the thin fabric of her dress.

Jane moaned deeply, without control, as she did so she felt a pulsating in her core grow stronger and stronger. Edward moved to the other breast, Jane wrapping her hands around his neck and breathing into him.

"Can I please my Jane as she can please me?"

"Yes" she gasped as he pulled her nightdress over her head with ease.

Now exposed, the kisses to her nipples aroused her even more. He sucked lightly, and then with more strength. Jane's head rolled back, forcing to close her eyes. Smiling. Mr Rochester kissed her exposed neck and collarbone. She felt his hand move and suddenly his finger was inside her, stroking at a spot which made Jane delirious with pleasure. She clawed at his back unintentionally, begging for him to not stop.

"Tell me again" he breathed sensually

"Do not stop, please".

As another finger slipped inside her she called out, moaning. Edward beamed, closing his eyes and kissing her neck. She still straddled him and could do nothing but let her face fall into his neck, planting feeble kisses on his shoulder.

Suddenly she felt his fingers pull out and a small protest issued from her lips. Proudly, he looked at her.

"Come up on your knees a little, my darling, and stay where you are".

She obeyed him and he slipped beneath her. The sensation was completely new. His tongue ran through her private area with a different force and pressure. She gripped the headboard of the bed for support, moaning in the dim room. Whatever he was doing to her caused her to loose track of all her senses, she was at the mercy of his skillful mouth. And she did not want his mercy to stop.

"Edward" she said, weakly, feeling the building becoming tighter and tighter within her.

He pulled up from beneath her, looking sightless into her eyes. "Yes my Jane?"

"I want you inside me"

He skillfully guided Jane onto her side, moving behind her in the same way. He guided himself into her from behind and Jane gasped. As he began to move within her, Jane pushed her bum into his chest, arching her back instinctively as he moved. He put his hands on her hips, drawing himself deep within her. Finally, in one final thrust that took Jane's breath away she felt his release within her and his cry of desire as they lay momentarily motionless.

Still breathing heavily, Jane sat up, moving her husband with her. Wanting to feel him once again within her, slowly, he moved for her into a nested seating position and Jane sat on top of him, guiding him into herself slowly.

Jane looked into her husbands eyes, filled to her hearts desire with pure love.


	32. Chapter 32

Soon after, Jane found herself lying next to her husband, one arm resting on his chest, the other held the hand of his extended arm which served as a pillow for her head. The blanket had been pulled lazily around their waists and Jane looked to the ceiling filled with absolute happiness. All was very quiet besides the crackling fire which was beginning to die out. She watched the trees outside blowing furiously in the wind imagining the night that it must be outside. And yet all was still.

"Jane?"

"Yes husband"

A small smile.

"When did you become such an expert lover?"

Jane could not help but grin broadly.

"I was shown initially, sir, but since I have had plenty of practice".

Mr Rochester chuckled softly.

"With such being the case, my love, you must promise me something"

"I will give you my word on any promise I can keep".

"You must always promise to tell me what you wish for and do not want in this bedroom. Tonight you were so honest in your wants and in your desire, I cannot imagine a day to come where you felt you could not use such honesty with me".

Jane shook her head,

"I could never be dishonest with you, Edward. But especially not when you have shown nothing but a concern for me and my own desires in our marital bed. We have grown so much in these past months because I have been able to entrust my soul to you fully. I have never been made to feel unnatural, nor unworthy as so many women in my position have".

"That is because you hold too much power over me, woman" he claimed, kissing her temple. But as he turned to face her he turned serious, "And because I love you far too deeply to break your trust or your confidence. It must not be any other way with us".

As Jane cuddled into Mr Rochester, she swung her leg over his waist comfortably, burying her face in his chest.

"No, it mustn't" she said, sleepily.

Jane felt his hand move to her back, gently massaging it as he yawned. Within moments, they were both fast asleep.

. . .

The next morning Jane woke to a familiar pair of lips nuzzled into her neck, kissing her softly. She opened her eyes to see a fully dressed Mr Rochester smiling warmly at her.

"I am sorry Jane, you seemed so peaceful, I did not wish to wake you, but I did not want you waking up to an empty bed. I've been called into town for some meetings, and I believe it will take most of the day, so I will see you after supper".

Jane nodded, touching his hair gently.

"I love you" she said "Have a good day"

His soft lips pressed into her forehead, lingering momentarily.

"I love you, my absolute darling. Go back to sleep" he urged, softly.

He walked away from the bed, holding her fingers in his until it was necessary to let them go. He left the room, turning back to look at her as he closed the large bedroom doors.

Jane did not go back to sleep however, although it was still early she did not wish to lay in bed any longer. She was soon up and dressed in a simple but elegant light pink dress which fit her figure well. Since becoming married Jane was forced to give up her minimal dresses and the only one she possessed for many years from Lowood. Not that this was an unwanted shift, but at first it had felt weird to indulge herself in such a way. Jane had been threatened to not ask for anything she wanted but to simply go and buy it, and so she amounted a certain collection of dresses that she rather liked. She also styled her hair differently now, and with slightly more time and effort. No longer did she wear a bun with loose braids, but she wore it down, curled easily on her shoulder with many pieces pulled behind and tied. She thought she looked happier now, perhaps simply because she was happier.

After she went downstairs, ate breakfast, and spoke to the majority of the servants at the house, Jane entered the study in order to read some mail that had come in that morning. Firstly, Jane answered a letter from Adele. Adele had seemed to grow up a considerable amount in the past year and a half since Jane had seen her last. She wrote better, with more focus and sincerity. She spoke of how happy she was since being moved to a new school, which had been a result of Jane finding the conditions at her old school too harsh, and how much she enjoyed her classes and new friends. Jane replied, saying how happy she would be to see her at Christmas and to hear about it all in person.

Jane then replied to a letter Mary and Diana had sent that morning. Mary claimed that she and Diana were itching to see her, and that they would come to Jane as soon as they were suspected the limitations of them being able to come straight away regarded them setting St Johns estate as he had just departed for India. Jane wrote back with enthusiasm, saying she would be thrilled to see them at their earliest convenience and if they did indeed need help with any lawful practice in settling the estate to let her know, and Mr Rochester's lawyer would be sent for. As Jane sat back, looking at all that had come to her she couldn't help but smile. Everyone seemed happier these days. No one seemed discontent or unhappy. All was very well.


	33. Chapter 33

Not very long into the afternoon John and Leah entered the library where Jane was reading. She had not noticed them at first, she was too enveloped in the book she happily grazed through. It was a book on world religions, and she was fascinated by it. She knew that Mr Rochester was much more well read than her in this matter and so she hoped to catch up to him so that they could discuss it together. When Jane did not immediately notice John he coughed softly and Jane turned to look at him.

"I'm sorry John, Leah, I did not notice you there"

"Pardon miss, but a miss Eshton has just arrived. She claimed to be the new wife of Mr Rochester's old friend and so we let her into the drawing room, I hope that was alright miss".

Jane smiled "Thank you very much John, it was very kind of you".

"Will you want tea?" Leah asked, knowingly.

"I think that would be a very good idea, thank you very much".

Jane laid down her book, smoothed her dress as she stood up and descended the stairs until rounding the corner of the drawing room to see Ms Eshton sitting, looking around the room fixedly.

"Hello" called Jane happily, entering the room.

Anne Eshton stood quickly,

"Jane, I hope you do not think me imprudent to come without an invitation"

" I only hope you do not think me rude to wait so long before inviting you over. You see, the new house has many duties that Edward and I are still working out. Well, I should say that Edward is working out, for I know how none of it works. Do forgive me".

Anne shook her head, "Oh no, it was not rude at all to wait, indeed I came over because Mr Rochester suggested it. Mr Eshton and Mr Rochester are at meetings together today in town and Mr Rochester offered to take him in his carriage so if I indeed wanted to go out this afternoon I would not be stranded in my house. He suggested I come here, if I was lonely for he said you would love the company"

"And he was very right, I am glad you've come, please sit"

As they sat together Leah entered with a tray of tea. She walked over and proudly placed it on the table between Jane and her guest.

"Thank you very much Leah, you always lay the prettiest arrangement for the tea. Far lovelier than I could lay it". Leah looked quite contented with herself as she thanked Jane and left the room contented.

There was silence as Jane prepared the tea, finally Anne spoke, and the words burst enthusiastically from her lips.

"Oh Jane, I think your house to be absolutely beautiful. Perhaps the prettiest house I have ever been in. It is so bright, and airy. The windows are so large, the art so delicate-", she turned to look at her "I fear I am quite jealous. Every inch of this home feels as if it were made with specifically you in mind".

"You flatter me, Anne. I have never had my own home, and so I wanted to make this home right though I had no experience in doing so. Edward of course depends on comfort and ease of layout, for his eyes compromise him, and so that was the difficulty in finding a house. And yet, he surprised me by finding this home"

"You are not serious" Anne said in surprise, sipping her tea. "Well, he has surprisingly good taste".

Jane smiled, drinking her own tea.

"So, Anne, how are you?"

She asked simply because she noticed that although Anne was happy she looked almost surprised at the idea of company. Jane suspected it had been her first house call in quite some time.

"I am well, thank you. It is so strange, and wonderful I may add, to see a friend. It has been far too long".

"Well then I beg you, do not be a stranger here, you are most welcome, anytime".

Anne smiled gratefully and Jane felt she was genuinely willing to take up that prospect.

Anne and Jane spoke about nearly everything that afternoon. It was therapeutic for both women to have another woman to confide in, to tell her of wishes and concerns and perhaps even dreams for the future. Jane truly enjoyed Anne's insights and comments. She was more frivolous, and less serious than Jane, and thus she always had a different point of view. Jane believed that Anne liked her for similar reasons, and thus the two spoke freely, and happily.

Finally, Jane asked what had been hanging in the front of Anne's mind all afternoon. The subject she had not touched on, and yet was an understatement in all she said regarding her current life.

"How are you and Mr Eshton? How is married life treating you now?"

Anne shifted uncomfortably in her chair and paused and started several times before fully answering.

"I know I am a disappointment to him now. I know that I am not the type of wife he was expecting, nor wished for. He loves me, and I love him, that I am sure of. For sometimes we laugh so much I cry. But in serious matters of married life, we are distant. Laughter can be filled by friendship, ease can come from friendship-"

Her voice dropped into almost a whisper.

"I do not know if it is the same for yourself Jane, but in the bedchamber we are intimate so infrequently, and when we are he finishes very quickly and then turns over and falls asleep. I know that I am the mere mode for him to reach what a man needs. And yet to me, it feels almost as if it were a chore. I wish for him to be pleased with me, and yet I cannot help but imagine he does not feel that way towards me for he senses how I feel about the matter. When we sleep sometimes I am cold at night for he sleeps on the other side of the bed, I can feel no heat from him".

But in looking at Jane she paused, shaking her head.

"Perhaps all are silly complaints. So many women are mistreated in their marital chambers. My husband is good and he does not hurt me, nor does he complain. And this I should not-"

"Anne, if you have any reason to be dissatisfied in your marriage you are not wrong to voice a concern. It is not the sort of relationship in which you should not feel alone".

"You are right, Jane, in a perfect world. But in my reality I am a lucky woman compared to most and thus I have no right to complain".

"And yet, a married couples bedchamber does not mean you serve him, or even he serves you. It is a relationship between two people, two souls, and it must be understood in that way if you are to be satisfied".

"Which I see you are, Jane".

She blushed deeply, knowing she had given away indirectly several insights into her own marital relationship. She could speak with confidence, and she knew she spoke as a woman who was loved and respected.

"I love him with my whole heart"

Anne tilted her head, smiling sadly.

"I can tell you do. I can see it in the way he glances your way, in the way his face lights up when he hears your voice. In the way his fingers always search for yours when you are near. What a marriage filled with such love would feel like, I know not".

"I do not say such things to cause sadness of jealousy, Anne. What I wish to say is that without confiding in Mr Eshton you give up your power. Perhaps he does not understand the ways he is affecting you, and perhaps a conversation is all he would need to change that. Edward and I experienced what it is like to be dishonest in a relationship, and it is the most destructive force you can impose on yourselves. You deserve to be heard, and indeed you are lucky, for he is a good man who I know will listen to you. So many women are in relationships where there is no possibility of that".

"On our wedding night" she began, looking to Jane almost apologetically "when we consummated the marriage, he seemed to know what to do, and I knew nothing. I still feel I know nothing. So you see it is my fault I cannot satisfy him, for he seemed to know in what ways he could satisfy himself. How could I tell him such a thing makes me unhappy?"

Jane momentarily thought of her own wedding night- how she had been reassured by Edward when she confided in him that she did not know what to do. He told her to abandon all expectations, he had asked for her trust. He had been beyond loving and gentle. Not one moment of that night had been for him, it was for her. He adhered to every wish of hers, every emotion. He took pleasure in listening to her sounds, in touching her where she wished him to touch. He had protected her.

What a stark contrast to the shaken Anne Eshton.

Jane reached over and took her hand, smiling encouragingly.

"When you are unhappy, Anne, forever can be a very long time. Do not be afraid to ask for his understanding'.

Anne's eyes shone with tears, Jane did not know that anyone had every cared about her enough to be so honest.

"Thank you, Jane. You are truly the best friend I could have asked for".


	34. Chapter 34

At that moment, Anne's face turned towards the doorway in surprise. In looking, Jane saw Mr Rochester and Mr Eshton rounding the corner and stepping into the doorway, talking and laughing together.

"Hello, my darling" Edward said, looking forward blankly, waiting to hear her voice in response.

"Hello! You are indeed back earlier then you anticipated" Jane said, rising to meet her husband.

"Business in town was able to be completed in a much shorter time then they expected" Eshton said as Edward wrapped his arm around Jane's waist. Anne looked to Jane quickly from under her brow before standing and walking towards her own husband. Eshton smiled at her before turning back to Jane and Mr Rochester.

"Ms Rochester, would you be so kind as to show me around your lovely gardens? I would take Edward but I fear he would not do it justice".

"Oh, I have every faith that Edward could give you the most vivid descriptions of it, but I would be very happy to do so".

Anne looked momentarily hurt and surprised. A sad pang in Jane's stomach prompted her to squeeze her husbands arm.

"-That is, Ms Eshton, if you would be so kind as to accompany me down to the river. I fear I have not had the pleasure of speaking to you more then in passing since we have meet"

A small smile curled at the corners of Jane's mouth. Their thoughts were indeed perfectly in tune.

"Yes Mr Rochester, such would be lovely".

Extending his arm towards the door, Edward invited Anne to walk with him out of the front doors. Jane turned back to her walking companion.

"Shall we walk, Mr Eshton?"

The day was turning into night. The slight heat that was in the air that day had been replaced with a brisk wind. The last of the summer flowers in the garden had fallen victim to frost and the leaves on the tree's were starting to faintly turn to warmer colors.

"I always believed you could have been a scientist, Ms Rochester"

"Do you think so?"

"Indeed I do. You always seemed to have a keen eye for observation. I see it now in you as you survey the garden"

"You flatter me sir. I survey the garden to admire it's beauty which is great at this time of year. I do not however analyze it in any scientific way for I would not know where to start".

"And you think because you think as a woman you are incapable of grasping it?"

Jane looked to him, "No, certainly not. Rather, I do not know that I can look on a thing of such beauty with a critical eye".

"I was ready to rebuttal any claim of womanhood standing in your way, for you have a husband who speaks so highly of you and your ability to do whatever you set your mind to that such a statement would be impossible".

"He is wonderfully supportive and encouraging, he has always been so".

"And yet, you are a far better person then he. You have transformed him"

'Once again, you flatter me. But his influence makes me a better person, and I believe I influence him in the same way".

"I know that" Eshton said, warmly smiling at Jane. "You perhaps just had more work"

Jane suppressed a smile.

"And how do you yourself find marriage? For I know that for many years did not believe yourself to be the marrying kind"

"Anne is wonderful. She is a lovely woman. She is caring and kind and very good to me. I think that we are well suited for one another for time spent together and time spent apart is equally important to us. I fear I have burdened her with the amount of time I spend working however. I could indeed explain to her the work I am doing yet I fear she would have no interest in it-"

"Perhaps you could ask her' Jane suggested,"It is possible that she will be more interested then you suspect"

Looking slightly amused but convinced, Eshon nodded.

"You are right, Ms Rochester. I shall ask her on the carriage ride home. To assume is rather unfair".

Jane smiled at him

"I think that would be a very good promise to keep, Mr Eshton"

He stopped his walking to look at her.

"I am normally a very personal man that prefers to keep things to himself and yet I have just told you one of my deepest fears, how do you do it?".

Before Jane could respond he turned back towards the house gaining energy, walking faster then before, grinning.

"It is you women! Women all have the skill of deception and trickery, that is why men continue to fall for your kind. We cannot help wanting to study it up close!"

. . . .

"Cannot help wanting to study it up close?" Edward said, undressing that night before Jane. He crawled over her on the bed, his shirt half tangled around his wrists.

"Well I can't help but agree with him there"

He kissed her cheek sweetly before drawing back and pulling on his nightshirt.

"I must be careful what I tell Eshton about you or soon I will be referring to you as Ms Eshton"

"Oh well I don't know about that. I do not know if my countenance could bare in-laws that put me in a military fortress of a home with furniture that has not been changed since the 1700's. Besides, they would never approve of a governess as a daughter".

"For the record" he said, sliding into bed beside his wife, "My parents would not have approved of you either"

"Oh, is that true?"

Edward massaged Jane's back automatically as he grinned.

"No, certainly not. You are a woman with spirit, they never could have consented to that".

"And would that have changed anything?" Jane asked, pushing him gently onto his back and placing her chin on his chest.

"Not for an instant". His lips kissed her softly.

Jane rolled over in the bed moving to the outside so that she could feel the cool sheets. She suddenly felt very warm and rather uncomfortable. She sat up on the edge of the bed, pinning her hair up loosely to keep it from falling warmly around her face. Confused, Edward felt for her and touched her back.

"Jane, are you well?"

"I am well but very warm".

She stood, pulling her nightgown over her head and throwing it back on the bed behind her. Edward felt it to see what it is as Jane opened the window.

"Jane Rochester you best make sure there are no young men down in that garden tonight" he called from the bed.

Jane laughed, the breeze that hit her body was cooling and she felt immediately better.

"I don't know what came over me. I am just so warm".

As Jane stood at the window she heard Edward rise from the bed. He brought the armchair from in front of the fire to her and laid it down behind her.

"Sit, my darling".

Jane moved her husband into the chair before sitting on his lap.

"In being able to sit on your lap it provides an extra boost so that I can feel the breeze better. But, if you would rather be in bed-"

"No, no I am quite contented here" he assured her, resting his head against the side of the chair. His fingers trailed along her side and his face twisted into concern.

"By God Jane your skin is like fire".

She leaned into his touch on her forehead, closing her eyes.

"Should I call for a doctor?"

"No, no, I shall be well soon enough".

They sat for quite some time by the window. It was an especially dark night and as a result it was easy to see the stars as they hung in the heavens. Jane hummed quietly to herself, admiring the night sky and the sound of the wind moving through the trees.

"Do you know that I think you have the prettiest voice in the world"

"I know that you lie, for you have been a guest at the largest and most celebrated opera houses in the world, and thus you have heard all the most splendid voices in the world".

"Well, I wasn't about to suggest you audition for _D_ ie Zauberflöte, but your voice is unique and it is yours, so I love it. Besides, you are rather shy about your voice so I know when I hear it you must be happy, or, at least you are at peace".

"Do you remember-" Jane began, drawing her legs up to her chest, "When we were first engaged you asked me to accompany you on piano while you sang only for me to be swept from the bench-"

"Jane do not mention such an occasion. It pains me to think of it"

"Why?"

"Because, I should have let you fumble on the piano for as long as you like, without interruption"

Jane grinned, playing thoughtlessly with his hair.

"You can make it up to me now, if you would like" Jane said

"And how is that?"

"You can tuck me into bed, and kiss me goodnight and be next to me when I wake up in the morning".

He lifted Jane into his arms, looking unseeingly into her face.

"How is it that my amends is what I love to do most in the world".


	35. Chapter 35

Fall came and passed away with ease within the Rochester's home.

The house and the servants positions within it had truly fallen into a comfortable place. There was no more rearranging, no more change. Everyone went about their duties daily with happiness and a gratitude for their master. Jane herself could understand it. Once being a servant herself, she knew that one of the crippling fears one faced upon receiving new employment was always working for a master that was hard, violent or intolerant. Mr Rochester was quite the opposite. Oftentimes, Jane would find him talking to his servants almost conversationally. She remembered one day where she found him talking to a man in the silver polishing room about current problems this man had been having with his sisters child of whom he was responsible for since his sister had passed. Jane remembered being humbled in realizing how few masters would stop to truly engage with hired help. Although Mr Rochester was curiously empathetic in understanding situations outside of his experience, he only listened to this man as that was all he had wished for-and yet Jane thought the man left looking less burdened. Although Mr Rochester always knew where to draw a line between consideration and control the servants never seemed to need reminding of it, they respected him and thus they worked well.

As for Jane, she got along very well with all of the household as well. She often spent time with the women where she could be of use, whether that was in the kitchen, or laundry, or elsewhere. At first Edward had discouraged her, saying that she did not marry him to return to the work of servants. Yet when Jane had explained how difficult it was for her to sit back in luxury and watch other people work around her for her own comforts sake, that she could not bare it, he was quick to encourage her happiness, in whatever form it came. The women all had a sincere trust for Jane, especially the younger ones who were perhaps only 15 or 16. Though Jane was only a few years older then them herself, they were young for their age and at times silly. With Jane, they spoke of their hopes and dreams- their expectations for marriage and family. Jane even flattered herself that she may have kindled some ambition in them outside of what they believed possible for women of their station. It was wonderful to feel useful in some way to them.

. . .

One afternoon Jane found herself alone in the upstairs main hall. Although it was the primary passage through the third floor of the house it was always very quiet here. Jane loved sitting and admiring the beautiful views of the endless grounds. She reminded herself that the reds, oranges, and yellows which covered the earth could perhaps last a few days longer before falling to the ground and leaving the tree's bare. Jane pulled her knees up to her chest as she watched so intently the world around her. She saw no servants, nor did she see any movement of any kind. All was quite still.

Lately Jane had been feeling so utterly at peace. It was such a new and wonderful feeling for her. She had been happy, she had felt blessed, she had felt profoundly loved, and yet the feeling of peace was so different. It had been a habit of Jane's to not allow herself to ever become too comfortable in one place- to ever allow herself to believe a good thing should last. It would have been too painful for her to part from such things. But the life she found herself in now was one that belonged to her. She could not be thrown from this house as she had been thrown from her aunts, she could not be torn from here as she thought she would be torn from Thornfield. There was no danger in putting her guard down at last.

A door opened at the end of the hall that pulled her attention from her thoughts.

"Jane, Jane are you in here?"

"I am here" she called.

She thought her husband looked very handsome striding down the long passage. He wore all black besides his white cravat and his tailcoat of royal blue.

"I have been searching the house and grounds looking for you" he said, "I should have known you would be up here, admiring the view. Are the gardens changed today from yesterday?"

"They are warning today of the fall coming to an end. The world is not so warm, and the colors on the tree are so brilliantly vibrant that it means they can only last so much longer".

He nodded, staring out towards a view that was as vivid and illuminated to him as a night without stars. Up close, Jane could see that Edward's gaze was serious and determined- as fixed as the thoughts which hovered in the forefront of thought. Jane knew that if she waited until he willingly told her what was troubling him she would be waiting a very long time and so she reached forward and touched his arm.

"My love, tell me why you look so grave?"

"Jane, I do not know how to tell you what I wish to say" he said, slowly.

He sat beside her.

"It is okay" she encouraged, "I will listen with heart to whatever you say".

He nodded, reaching for her hand and massaging it reassuringly before he continued.

"Jane, do you wear a blue dress today?"

To Jane's surprise, she found that she was. It was a particularly light blue dress that she did not often wear.

"Yes"

"And do you wear something around your neck which is gold?"

"Yes"

He paused, looking weary and heart-heavy.

"At first I did not think that my sight was returning. Indeed, I called myself a fool for willing myself to believe this was the case. But the more I have denied it to myself the more vividly it has come to me as a reality. Small blurs of indistinct color may be all I can ever see, but it is more than I have seen before".

"Why did you not tell me?" Jane asked.

"I did not want to raise your own hopes, nor mine'

"There is no fear in raising your hopes, or mine, Edward. I would not look at you differently as a husband if you had sight, just as I do not look at you differently because you do not."

"Jane, how can you say that?" he asked, looking to her. "How can you say it would not matter? You have served me for so long as I am, you must-"

Jane silenced him with a kiss. Initially he was surprised, but soon it relaxed him in body and mind. His hand which was entwined in hers gave a slight squeeze before she kissed his cheek.

"I love you, more then I can tell you. And so it does not matter. Do you understand?"

He nodded, shaking his head.

"You dominate me, woman. I cannot refuse you"

"Indeed" she said, bringing his hand to her mouth.

"There are men in London who deal specifically with this type of sight loss. Perhaps there is someone there who can help, who knows much more than you or I".

"No Jane, it is too much fuss. To go all the way to London, when we do not even know if he will be able to help-"

"If, is the key idea. What if he can Edward, what if he can restore your sight?"

"And what if he cannot?"

"We will be as happy as we are now. It is worth it to go if there is possibility".

He looked to her, piercing her with his strong gaze.

"You have never been to London?"

"Never"

"And you will be by my side?"

"At every moment"

"Then Ms Jane, to London we shall go. If it means there is a possibility of me seeing you again, I would walk to the ends of the earth".


	36. Chapter 36

"I told you, if you do not complain about it, the ride will not seem so harsh"

"Jane, it is impossible to not complain for this damned road is filled with holes. I did not eat too long ago you know, where you have the luxury of having eaten very little at lunch".

"I ate enough to feel the effects of this road, thank you very much".

He puffed like a child, his arms folded as he gazed fixedly towards the carriage's window. Jane was forced to stifle a laugh under her breath. It would not do well to rouse his anger in this small carriage. Besides, there was much of the carriage ride left, and she did not think she could endure it if he became any more disagreeable.

"And I suppose then you are perfectly content on this carriage ride? You have not one thing to complain about?" he blurted out, his hands flying up in frustration.

"Well, I think not. For it is not the road's fault it has holes and it is not the carriage's fault for being forced to travel through them".

He shook his head quite seriously.

"I am glad for seeing this side of you" Jane stated, closing the book that was in her hands. In truth she had been able to read very little of it with the road in such bad condition.

"And why would you be glad to see this ghastly side of your husband?"

"Because, it is a reminder that I did indeed marry the man I fell in love with who was brooding, changeable and had a horrible temper. The man I am married to has softened considerably, and I fear I have made some mistake".

Edward at first looked stern, but soon his face broke into a reluctant radiant smile that brightened the grey, dull day outside of the carriage.

"I am happier now, even in this moment, then I have been in the rest of my life without you put together. You soften me, witch. You have power over me of which I cannot name nor master".

"Indeed, and that is how it shall stay".

Jane reached up and kissed his cheek lightly, but he moaned, drawing her face closer again.

"Shall I not even receive a real kiss?"

Jane had noticed that he never forced upon her a kiss that she did not impart. He always waited for her approval, he wanted her to kiss him out of love, and not out of habit or his sole desire.

"Mhm" she said quietly, pressing her lips softly to his. He took every ounce of her away. It was as if he pulled her very soul into his own, restoring it to her as the kiss broke.

"Now" he said softly, "Tell me that I do not have power over you".

Jane bit her lip shyly. Even in moments like this, she did not feel worthy of his love or attention- it still managed to surprise her at times. She moved close to him, feeling his arms wrap around her and join hands as to hold her in place. She closed her eyes, fighting sleep that was threatening to wash over her. Edward had noticed this, and all joking had left his tone as a result.

"Jane perhaps you should go to a doctor when we arrive in London. Your sleep has been so uneasy".

"I' am not tired" Jane reassured him.

He shot her a knowing look, his eyebrow raised.

"Jane, you are about to fall asleep in my arms at this very moment".

She tried to sit up as to appear more awake, yet Edward held her in place, kissing the top of her head.

"Shh" he soothed. " I am sure someone told me last week that I was to take care of myself above all others in the world, and if I wasn't willing to do so, this person would be forced to step in. Now, if only I could remember who that was..."

Jane smiled, half annoyed and half amused.

"Do you remember Jane?"

"Yes"

"Would you care to tell me who it was then?"

A shy grin.

"Perhaps I will go to sleep after all, perhaps it is for the best-"

"Oh, no, no. There is no escaping this argument Janet, for I have won it already".

Jane laughed, moving a curl back into place on the top of his head. She sighed contentedly at her husband. When he spoke again his voice was gentle, and soft.

"If you are to sleep, Ms Rochester, let it be on my breast".

Automatically, he removed his travelling cloak from around his shoulders and wrapped it around Jane like a blanket.

"No, the carriage is cold" she protested, pushing it away.

"No, look, we shall trade" he said, wrapping her shawl around himself instead. Jane laughed, resting her head on his chest.

She paused.

"You are everything in the world to me".

He rubbed her arm affectionately, as she leaned into the kiss which was planted on her temple.

"You are my world, my darling. Nothing could ever change that".


	37. Chapter 37

When Jane awoke hours later it was to the Mr Rochester shaking her gently.

"We're here, my darling" he said, warmly.

He turned swiftly back to the men who had just come from the inside of the hotel to the carriage.

"The name is Rochester, we only have the two trunks".

"Yes sir" they replied, undoing the luggage which was tied to the back of the carriage.

Jane handed her husband back his travelling cloak, reluctantly wrapping her own shawl, which was pitiable in comparison, around herself.

"Thank you Jane, you have warmed this cloak to the temperatures of Hades. Come!"

. . .

A few minutes later they opened the door to their hotel room, and Jane found herself shocked at it's opulence. Silk covered every furnishing in the room, heavy perfume filled the air, gold statues and detailing covered the room in every corner. The carpet was a rich scene of blues, golds, greens and pink- the fire crackled happily in a large hearth.

"What do you think?"

"I think this room is meant for Marie Antoinette. What on earth did you ask for this room for?"

He laughed heartily, closing the door behind him and hanging his cloak on a nearby rack which he felt through the air for.

"In truth Jane, they remembered my name at this hotel from years past. As I have told you, I was a frivolous young man that spent his money on the best things that wealth could buy. And so here we are. I did not bother to correct them however, because I knew it would greatly amuse myself to see how greatly this rooms grandeur puzzled you".

Jane shook her head, grinning slightly and throwing her own shawl over a nearby chair. She then lay down on the largest bed she had ever seen.

"Well then it is a good thing then this bed is so spacious, I will not have to be reminded you are here with me at all".

Jane sat up quickly, surveying her husband who stood before her.

"When you say you frequented this hotel in the past-"

"-It was because I was here on business" he assured her, "this bed was used for sleep".

Jane looked at him, her eyebrows still raised as he moved over her.

"Though, I must admit that is not what I intend this bed for tonight", he said, grinning.

"Oh really, is that so?"

"Are you going to torture me then, Jane, in refusing me?"

She shook her head, smiling. "No, for in doing so I would be torturing myself".

He chuckled, he always loved displays of her honest desires.

He felt for the ties on the back of her dress as Jane leaned forward for better access. She could feel already her desire burning within her core. She wanted him to move faster, to discard what she was wearing more swiftly. Skillfully, and with much practice, he undid her dress so that it slipped off with ease. He then undid her corset and removed her last layer of skirt before she lay before him in just her slip. Jane could feel her face burning, she did not know how much the fire was to blame. Feeling her with his strong hands Jane took her own turn in undressing her husband. She undid his cravat, slipping it from around his neck, before she removed the shift tucked into his pants. She paused to admire him and in doing so caused her husband to plant small, delicate kisses along her neck. Her hands found the way to his pants, working less efficiently then before- the hot kisses how being planted on her jaw was distracting. As she was able to remove his pants with some assistance, she fell back into the blankets again. She touched him, touched his most intimate area in a way that was gentle, teasing, and skilfully what her husband desired. She watched his body contort and flex at her touch, and suddenly he moved her hands above her head, positioning himself to enter her. His lips moved down on her lips as he slipped her shift above her head and cast it aside. He looked into her eyes as he moved inside her, but Jane felt immediately dizzy and sick.

"Stop" Jane cried out sharply, her face twisting into pain.

Instantly he froze, looking at his wife in surprise

"Jane, my darling, have I hurt you?"

"No" she said, her voice tense, "No, it was not you".

She closed her eyes, feeling a gentle thumb caress her forehead. She released a heavy breath, opening her eyes again.

"I am sorry, I do not know what came over me. I just felt suddenly dizzy and almost sick"

"Jane, why would you apologize for that? Come here"

He felt for her slip which he had momentarily cast aside and helped pull it back over Jane's head.

"No, no. I feel better now. Do not fuss over me".

He shook his head, "I know you do not".

He lifted Jane from the edge of the bed into his arms, kissing her forehead as he brought her around to the other side, closer to the fire, on the side of the bed she normally slept on. She climbed into bed, and in truth the warm blankets felt comforting.

"Jane how do you feel now?"

"Ridiculous in these silk sheets".

He smiled fleetingly, but soon his face was once again serious and concerned.

"You should sleep"

She looked into his honest, loving face and reached for his hand which he gave to her without thought.

"I am being very honest when I tell you that it was simply a momentary pain. I do not know why I feel so changed recently".

'Well, tomorrow, hopefully we shall know from the doctor. For tonight, you must rest easy".

Jane nodded, closing her eyes and feeling her husbands lips brush her forehead lightly.

Jane felt Edward climb into bed beside her, his still naked body was warm, and smelled distinctly of him. Jane cuddled into him as she always did, her face resting on his shoulder. She brought her hands to his chest and felt his strong arms envelop her in an embrace.

"It is still fairly early, I do not expect you to come to bed yet just because of me".

"I do not sleep well when you are not beside me, and I want you to sleep well tonight. Especially since we are away from home, in a strange bed and in terribly strange room".

Jane laughed, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

"You are my home".

"Mm. Remember you told me that Jane? When you returned to Thornfield after having left to visit your aunt?"

"I do indeed, for I did not intend to tell you and it embarrassed me when it fell from my lips uncontrollably".

"You surprised me when you said that" he reminisced, "Because I thought only someone in love would be induced to say such a thing in the way that you did. And I dared not believe that Jane Eyre could have been in love with me".

Jane turned onto her back, looking up at the strangely dynamic ceiling above her head.

"She was. Even more so then she trusted herself to realize".

. . .

They were quiet for a very long time, long enough that the comfortable silence had lulled Jane almost into a state of sleeping when her husband spoke very softly.

"Jane, are you awake?"

"Just. But by the sounds of your voice you are uneasy, and so you must tell me what is on your mind"

He sighed deeply as she propped herself up on her arm to face him. By the light of the now dim fire she could see that his mind was occupied and weighted.

"Jane, you have been so wonderfully hopeful about the doctors visit tomorrow. You have been so sure, and so encouraging about my sight being restored by this man. I know you did not intend to do so, but it ingrained in the back of my mind that in a way you will be disappointed if nothing is changed and he can do nothing to help. I cannot help but worry you will be disappointed, though you say you will not be".

Jane's hand moved to his face, she smoothed the scar on his forehead with her thumb and kissed it gently. She loved him so much in that moment she thought her heart may burst. His honesty, his ability to be vulnerable and trust in her was deeply reassuring.

"You are quiet"

"That is because I look upon you and I am overwhelmed with the love I have for you-".

She paused in frustration. When she spoke again it was with such honesty that it pierced her husbands core.

"Edward, how could you think that I would not look at you the same way if tomorrow we are told nothing will change. I married you for the man you are, I love you at every moment for the man you are. Your sight is not an element in deciding that. It is your soul I desire, and that cannot be touched by any outside force. Can you not see how perfectly happy I am with you? No, I will not hear otherwise from you Edward Rochester."'

He traced along her back absentmindedly, thinking over what she had said.

"You are right, Jane. I am just simply apprehensive myself"

"Shh" she soothed "I am here with you so that we may face this together".

He nodded, still looking fixed and thoughtful yet relieved all the same. He brought Jane close and lightly kissed her forehead. She moaned slightly as his lips searched for hers, kissing her lovingly. She moved back into her comfortable sleeping position and looking up at him, smiling.

"Thank you" was the heartfelt response.

Within moments, both the Rochester's were fast asleep.


	38. Chapter 38

The next morning was a quiet one. Jane woke well before her husband and dressed quickly. That morning she wore a dress of emerald green and hair was done simply, but elegantly- pulled back from her face in loose curls. After she was ready she left the hotel room to venture downstairs and find some food. Where last night she felt so ill, this morning she felt quite well with her hunger fully restored. Jane walked down the hallway, grand stairs and into the main lobby where she was stopped by a man at a large and ornate desk.

"Madam, may I be of service to you?"

"I am looking to have a meal made for breakfast, do you know where I can be directed for assistance?"

The man looked skeptical and almost a little amused.

"And where is your husband, if you are indeed not traveling alone"

"He is in our room"

"It is usually the husband that deals with such matters, madam".

"I cannot imagine why that should be the case if we are both going to eat breakfast together".

A long, overdrawn pause ensued where the man slowly flipped through a large book, opening to the current days page before turning it to Jane.

"Sign here please, breakfast will be brought up to you"

Jane did so, checking off for a simple breakfast with tea. When she looked up once again she saw that the man was attempting desperately to obtain the room number she was staying in. When he realized his face drained of all color and turned to horror.

"Oh, Ms Rochester, please. I am so embarrassed. You must forgive my skeptical conduct, you must know-" he leaned in as if they were intimate friends sharing an inside joke only they could appreciate, "-there are some people staying in this hotel who are not so refined as you or your husband. It is hard to know at moments if they could even afford a breakfast they requested-"

"I am afraid I have no time to entertain an establishment that bases the respect they show to their occupants by the amount of money they have spent on their rooms. When can we expect breakfast?"

The man at the desk looked dumbfounded.

"Perhaps 30 minutes"

"Thank you"

And with that, Jane ascended the staircase once more without another word.

Jane was so wrapped up in her thoughts and anger that she stormed into the hotel room without remembering her husband was asleep. He woke with a start as she closed the door hard. He felt around the bed before sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

"Jane?"

Her thoughts broken by his surprised voice, Jane walked to his side and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry, I was not thinking you were still asleep"

His face alight with amusement, he looked to her.

"Are you well Jane?"

"No, of course I am unwell, I am angry"

"Why?" he asked, feeling her fingers balled up and pulling them apart.

"I just went to obtain breakfast for us downstairs and I was met by a man on the front desk who treated me with utter disrespect until he realized which room I was staying in, and then his attitude suddenly shifted, then he tried to amuse me by saying how many people with less money were staying in this hotel and I left so angry at him and I do not understand why anyone should treat another person differently for any reason but especially because of financial reasons and I am so frustrated I cannot say".

Jane drew a sharp breath, laying back on the bed over her husbands legs. He looked down on her, smiling.

"It is not funny"

"No my darling, I do not think it is. I only find you irresistibly charming when you are angry"

Jane buried her face in the blankets, sighing.

Edward tried to touch Jane's shoulder but she slapped his hand away.

"Do not touch me"

"Jane!" he said in surprise, yet he had a very small smile spread over his lips.

"I'm sorry" she resolved, taking his hand and moving it to her back to massage. He chuckled to himself, shaking his head. As she felt the care of his touch she turned over onto her back to look at him and felt immediately guilty.

"Edward, what is wrong with me?"

"Nothing, not a thing in the world"

She felt like crying. Why the flood of emotion? Why had she been so impacted? So angered by the encounter downstairs? Jane had always prided herself on being a level headed person, on being in control of her thoughts and emotions, but this was unlike the Jane that she knew. There was a long pause of silence.

"Jane?"

"Mm"

"Can I kiss you?"

She sat up, wrapped her arms around her husband and felt his deep kiss. She did not know why she had slapped his hand away, she needed his touch, she needed him.

"There" he said softly "That is better, there is my Jane".

"I am so sorry. Lately I have-"

"Jane you don't need to explain. I just need to know you are alright, and not angry with me for some other reason you are not telling me".

"No" she said firmly. "I love you too well to hide anything from you, especially something that angered me".

"Then we shall say no more about it".

At that moment there was a knock at the door. Jane hopped off the bed and Edward covered himself in the blankets. The man from the front desk stood holding the breakfast tray in his arms, smiling a forced and unnatural smile.

"Here is your breakfast, madam".

"Thank you very much" Jane said, taking it in her arms.

"I hope you will enjoy it supremely"

Jane nodded and smiled briefly before closing the door behind herself. She carried the tray back to the bed where Edward was pulling himself into a seated position again, the blankets falling from around him.

"I hope you are hungry, there is enough food here to feed the British army"

"I am always hungry"

Jane smiled as she lay the tray on his legs for balance and made him a new cup of tea. She then set to her task of laying out provisions on plates before moving her husbands plate close to him and her own on her side of the tray. They ate together happily, not thinking of the day to come- simply enjoying one another's company. Jane thought she ate so much she would burst, for she was hungrier than previously thought. After commenting there were no scraps on her plate for him to eat, Edward rose and dressed. Jane could tell he was nervous, could tell that he simultaneously dreaded and wished for the appointment to come. She did not press him, for she knew his nerves would only settle once the job was finished. As she straightened his hat before walking from the hotel room she kissed his cheek sweetly.

"I will be with you at every moment"

He nodded knowingly.

"Come, let us go".


	39. Chapter 39

\- Hello! I just wanted to thank all the readers for their patience with me and my sporadic posting lately. Things have gotten busier for me in the last little while and it's hard to have the time to write on a schedule. Thank you for all your love and support, it means the world to me. I hope you are enjoying!-

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Jane and Edward took a carriage to the doctors building, however it was very close to the hotel. It was slightly embarrassing to be exiting the carriage mere minutes after entering, however she could rest easy in the assurance she did not know her way around London. Upon arriving at the doctors practice there was hardly a moment in which to stop and worry, for as they entered Edward was swept into the office immediately on account of the doctor being called away for an important house call shortly after. He just had time to squeeze Jane's hand before being walked into a room at the end of a long corridor.

Jane was left standing in the middle of the deafeningly silent room, slightly disillusioned and wishing she had been able to reassure her husband. She had never been to a doctor's office, had never seen a place such as this before. It all felt very new, and very foreign. Not to mention distant and cold. There was not a soul around- the walls were a dark and uninviting brown, along with the floor and chairs which all matched. Clutching her shawl close to her she turned around to see there was only two seats in the dark waiting area, one of which was occupied by another woman who looked similar to Jane in age. Smiling at her, Jane took a seat, still looking around the room.

"Hello" Jane said, after some time of staring around in silence.

"Hello" the woman replied, looking at Jane quickly, "Was that your husband just gone in?"

"Indeed" Jane replied

"I am here with my Billy too. Is your husband not seeing neither?"

"No, he is not"

"Billy was in a wagon accident 'bout four years ago now. Dreadful shame. He was so angry for so long- I did not think he would ever recover from it. But then we read this ad in the paper and we saved for it for quite some time. We are farm people, lives in the north, so we had a ways to come and travel don't come cheap".

"It certainly does not"

"And what about your husband, he always been blind?"

"My husband, Edward, was in a fire and suffered a severe injury during it. He has been blind for nearly two years"

"Dreadful shame" she said, surely. "Young men in their prime, their manhood snatched from them. I am sure it would be better for it to happen to us women rather than the men who provide. Dreadful shame".

Jane knew this woman was not an educated creature, nor a sophisticated one. But talking to her held it's own charm. She was honest, truthful and kind. She reminded Jane of those she worked with while being a governess. Good, honest people. She spoke often of her Billy and the love she had for him. Jane was touched, for since she had gotten married she had not meet another woman who seemed fully satisfied in her marriage. But here was the exception.

It took over two hours for Edward to return and thus Jane was very thankful for the women she sat with. When he exited the room it was impossible for Jane to guess what sort of news he had received for his mind seemed still and he was pleasant as he was during most encounters with acquaintances. The women beside Jane stood when the door opened to see if it was her husband but sat down once again upon realizing it was not. The doctor walked him over to Jane who half meet them across the floor.

"Ms Rochester, I think your husband has a very good chance of regaining the sight of one eye. The other is too badly damaged, and I very much doubt he will ever see from it again. But I believe I may be able to salvage one. It will require some work for about a week, however, and I will need you to remain in London during that time".

"Of course"

Mr Rochester turned to the doctor, thanking him.

"Ms Brake, your husband is at the end of the hall on the left. You may see him now" the doctor called to the woman sitting next to Jane.

Ms Brake rose quickly, nodding to Jane before bustling down the hallway hurriedly. She had left her coat and hair on the chair behind her.

When Jane and Edward were left alone his face broke into a radiant smile and he hugged Jane fervently.

"Jane, I am so happy. I have been so fortunate, but the thoughts of seeing you again-"

"I know, I know" she said, bringing his hands to her lips.

"Come, let us go. We have much to celebrate"

"Yes of course. But first, do you have your wallet about you?"

"Yes, but what for Jane?" he asked, handing it to her from an inside pocket of his tailcoat.

"The woman who was just with me, she paid a great deal of money to get here and she only works on a farm. I imagine this visit consumed every it of money they own-"

"Give them all that is in there, Jane. I believe it is 20 pounds"

He was right. The 20 pound bill was soon swiftly placed into the woman's coat pocket and Jane and Rochester left, arm in arm.

. . . .

That day they had a late lunch. They spent the rest of the morning walking around London and indeed resumed their walks in the afternoon. Jane described buildings and surroundings to Edward who impressively managed to guide them around by her descriptions.

"You must have spent much time here in your youth" she commented, their hotel coming back into view at the end of the long street Edward had guided them onto.

"I spent the majority of my time here. My father and brother resided continually at my house and I wanted to live away from them, and so to London I often went"

"For how long at a time?"

"Perhaps a month, sometimes longer. You see Jane, I was never much bound to Thornfield".

"It is sad that you did not have somewhere to return to that felt easy. Was it ever not the case? When your mother was alive was it different?"

He paused, thinking carefully for his answer.

"My mother was ruled by my father. Although I know she was capable of much more than she did, she was always dimmed by his control. This spread to all aspects of her life, even her children, and so she lost much of her enthusiasm in raising and caring for us. I believe she was in a prison just as much as I was, perhaps more, for it was her husband that she fell victim to".

Jane again felt the sad reality of so many women in their marriage. She wondered to herself what kind of woman she was on her own, in her quietest moments with no one to influence her. When she sat in her room looking out the windows in the morning, who was she in these moments? It was surely unrecognizable person to the women she showed most people. When Edward asked Jane why she was so quiet, and she explained what she had been thinking, he paused thoughtfully.

"I wish she would have had the courage to show me, to show everyone. It could have made all the difference".

Jane rubbed his arm comfortingly.

"But this does not bother you anymore? This doesn't linger in the back of your mind?"

"No, it does not. There is no sense in grieving for something you cannot get back. Besides-" he said as they reached the steps of the hotel, "-I have a family now. There is nothing more I could ask for"

Jane smiled up at him as they entered.

"Perhaps lunch?"


	40. Chapter 40

Over the next few days Jane had ample time to admire London. Edward spent the majority of the day with the doctor and so Jane was relatively confined to the hotel room. She decided to remain in the hotel room rather then sit in the office alone at the doctors practice for she had time to read, to draw, and most importantly watch the Londoners below her. Jane was fascinated with the way of life here, and from her seat in the window she had a perfect view. When Edward returned in the nights they often went out, for his spirits were lifted after returning to her after a day with the doctors. Close to the end of their week in London Jane had her own doctors appointment. She was not worried, for she knew she would hear nothing of significance. She was hopeful that the doctor would be able to give her something in order to ease her sleep and the result is that she would feel overall much better. She confided none of this in her husband, however, for there was no need to worry him and he had a natural tendency towards such. That morning Jane and Edward left the hotel together, Edward stopping to wish Jane well at the steps of her doctors office.

"I shall be worried about you all day"

"You shall not be. There is no need for it"

"I feel like I should be with you"

"Why?"

He grappled with trying to find a response until Jane squeezed his hand affectionately.

'I love you, now be off. I shall be waiting for you at the end of the day".

"Jane, is there anyone around?"

"No, not currently"

He leaned in and kissed her softly. Jane smiled at him, straightening the hat on his head.

"I love you"

"I love you my darling. I cannot wait until I can be with you again".

. . .

The doctors office Jane entered was slightly less daunting then the one her husband was currently in. This space was smaller but brighter and thus more enjoyable to be in. Jane again entered and barely had time to remove her cloak before she was whisked away into another smaller room that was stripped of all furniture besides a table, a desk and what looked like a modified bed. Again, she scarce had a moment to breathe before the door was wrenched opened and the doctor stepped inside.

"You are..Ms Rochester" he said, flipping through a clipboard and glancing back up at her, "Hello".

"Hello" Jane said

"Please, sit. How may I help you?"

"I am here because I have had trouble sleeping lately. Often I am too hot or too cold, I lose my appetite and then I find myself so hungry I cannot eat enough. In the mornings, and sometimes nights I am dizzy and feel ill".

"Let me check you over, Ms Rochester. Perhaps then we will have an answer"

He checked her thoroughly, asking her questions along the way. At long last, after what seemed like an eternity he told Jane that she could sit up. He pulled up a chair besides her, crossing his legs.

"Ms Rochester, you are married, correct?"

"I am"

"Then I believe you are expecting".

Jane's heart stopped.

"Expecting?"

"Yes indeed Ms Rochester"

"I've thought before that I may have been expecting, but-"

"This time I am positive, Ms Rochester. You are young, you are healthy, and I believe you shall have a good pregnancy. Is this your first time?"

Jane's face radiated uncontrolable happiness, the doctor was short and brief. He did not understand her sublime joy.

"Yes, it is".

"Then this is why you have been experiencing the pain, and the sickness, and the changing in temperature. It is quite natural, and quite normal. I will expect to hear from you if anything changes, but I do not expect it will. You are young, you are healthy".

Jane grinned at her doctor, covering her mouth.

"I am so surprised"

He smiled, standing.

"Ms Rochester, do you have any more questions for me?"

"No, I do not believe so"

"Then, I shall let your husband in"

Jane looked at him in surprise,

"He is waiting outside in the sitting room"

"Oh, thank you very much doctor".

He nodded at her before leaving the room.

For a brief moment Jane was left alone in the room and never before had she felt the way she did in that moment. She touched her stomach and couldn't help but feel tears rising to her eyes. She felt such a connection to the child within her that it transcended any words that she could have possibly strung together. Even now, even in just discovering her pregnancy she felt she could not separate herself from her child. She felt a breeze blow through the window and as it touched her face she felt that everything was exactly where it was intended to be.

"Hello little one" Jane said softly, rubbing her stomach, "We shall do this together".

The door once again opened, but this time slowly, to reveal her husband. He looked at her, and Jane could tell immediately that something was different.

"Hello my darling" he said. His eyes connected with hers, and the eyes that pierced her soul flooded with tears.

"By God Jane, I can see you. I see you", his voice broke as he rushed to her. Jane wrapped her arms around her husband and hugged him tightly. From the high table she sat on they were the same height as they embraced. When he pulled back to look at her he bit back a smile, bringing his hand to her cheek and wiping away her tears.

"You are so beautiful" he whispered as Jane turned her lips to the hand on her cheek. Once more he gathered her to his arms and they held each other close.

"Oh Jane".


	41. Chapter 41

They returned back to their hotel room, Jane being guided inside by her husband.

When the door was closed he kissed her deeply, pressing her back gently into the door. A small moan escaped from her as he worked which made him smile. He lifted her into the air easily so that she knew to wrap her legs around his waist, her arms meeting behind his neck. He walked them slowly towards the bed, laying Jane down before him. As he gazed upon her lying there Jane reached for his hand, pressing her lips to it. He moved over her, making slow work of removing her clothes. Though she knew he could do it with great ease and speed she knew he was taking his time, savoring the moment. It made it feel almost slightly nervous, for he had never seen her naked before. What if it was not what he expected? Surely she was so small, and so unlike the desirable women. But he loved her, and she him- and that is what created desire after all.

Thankfully, he did not see her face as she thought such things over, for he had cast aside the first layer of her dress, letting it fall to the floor. As he continued to remove each layer Jane felt more at ease, for he seemed to become happier and happier. She ran her fingers through his hair as he worked, and often he looked up at her in order to kiss her lovingly. Soon, Jane was left in just her slip. Through the thin fabric Jane knew you could see quite a bit, and he examined her with great curiosity. He leaned down and tenderly kissed Jane's breasts through the thin fabric, sucking her nipple slightly so that it poked at the slip. Jane threw her head back, for she found this particularly hard to resist. He raised himself so that he was looking directly upon her and kissed her lips gently.

"Jane Rochester, you are so beautiful".

His eyes sparkled in the fire, and his face was flushed with feeling. He could not have appeared more attractive in that moment. As he touched the end of the slip in order to pull it over Jane's head her hands stopped his, looking fully into his eyes.

"My turn".

Grinning, he submitted to her so that she made quick work of discarding all his clothing. He enjoyed watching the determination of her work, and her enthusiasm as she did so. Finally, once he was fully himself before her Jane returned to laying down so that her husband could remove her slip, and as he did so she assisted in putting her arms over her head.

As he slip was too case aside he stared at her, surveying every part of her body. His strong hands moved to over her and his mouth followed behind. His lips trailed every part of her body, kissing every place with the most love. Jane rose and fell to his touch, she was at his mercy. He often stopped to look at her face, to kiss her, to soothe her moans of desire. His face broke radiantly as he saw her struggling to fight back a cry of delight as he kissed up her leg.

"Jane" he said said at this, his voice filled love, "You have been lying to me. You are an angel"

She smiled, laughing slightly, looking down and then back up at him.

"Every inch of you is mine"

She nodded,

"You belong to me"

She nodded again,

"And me alone".

She kissed him, not with passion or desire, but supreme love. He slipped his hand into the small of her back as he drew her closer. As the kiss deepened she felt his hand move to her most private area. She gasped a little as she felt a finger inserted within her, moving skillfully to touch the place which made her burn like fire with longing. She could no longer kiss him, for her breathing was becoming more shallow. As another finger entered her her hips involuntarily thrusted into his fingers, wishing them to penetrate deeper, wishing for more.

Her hands which gripped the sheets searched for him and she looked at him.

"I want you inside me"

"Not yet, my darling" he promised, kissing her lips soothingly and moving slightly deeper within her, "I want to watch you".

He brought her to the brink off her desire as only he would ever be able to so. She could no longer open her eyes, and she tried to bite back her loud cries of pleasure. He watched her all the while, moving with her, and putting all his care into her. Finally, his skillful fingers caused Jane's body to shudder beneath him and her thoughts to turn fuzzy. A wave of happiness had poured over her and she was left, breathing heavily, her head turned to the side feeling like it was made of lead.

She felt soft lips kiss her temple, her forehead and jaw. The gentleness of his lips pulled her from the high she had just left and brought her into a comforting reassurance. Edward was looking at her, smoothing her hair and away from her face, and as she turned her head to look into his eyes he kissed her lips too.

"It is unfair" Jane said, slipping her hand to his back and rubbing it lightly.

"What is my dear?" he asked, kissing her collarbone and feeling her breast in one hand.

"I am powerless with you. I could not fight you, even if I had the will to".

He chuckled softly, kissing the nape of his wife's neck.

"I intend to make you surrender".

He trailed a line of kisses down between Jane's breasts, stomach, and eventually reached her womanhood. Jane could not bite back her calls any longer. As she felt him working, his tongue moving she thought the expanding in her stomach may become unbearable. She threw one arm over her head, the other remained over her thrown over her stomach. As she moaned plea-fully she felt her husbands hand searching for hers and entwining their fingers together on her stomach. It was the most comforting thing in the world. When he pulled away to look at her she smiled, touching his face. He positioned himself to enter her yet looked to her for confirmation. Jane nodded and felt him fill her with the most honest love. Jane clung close to him as they moved together. As her back arched he caught it with his arm, suspending her slightly and penetrating deeper. Jane felt the tightening in her stomach expand until she could bare it no longer. Once again the wave of divine happiness moved over her, but it was stronger this time. Her senses seemed to disappear, she felt simultaneously weightless and like lead. She felt her husband release within her and she smiled, finally opening her eyes to see him fall down on the bed beside her, breathing heavily but looking fundamentally happy.

They were silent for a few minutes, Jane could tell Edward's mind was racing and so she did not wish to interrupt him. She only traced his arm absentmindedly, staring at the ceiling, listening to the sound of her own breath. She turned onto her stomach, placing her arms on her husbands chest and resting her chin there. He turned to look at her, smiling.

"I cannot believe I did not know"

"What did you not know?"

His prideful thoughts shone through on his face as he spoke, "How you look when we make love. How your chest turns slightly red, how your brow has a slight sheen, and how when you are overtaken your eyes cross, ever so slightly".

Jane blushed deeply- she had not known these things before.

"And now it is not just your chest that is slightly red Jane, but your face as well. Why!"

"You make me blush, for I did not know those things either".

"No.." he said, playing with their intertwined fingers. "There are only two people in the world, Jane, who know that. And they are both in this room".

She smiled, looking to him with great love.

"Well" she said, moving her face to match him at eye level. "When we make love you have a smile that I do not see in other places, and it is divine. I love seeing it above all other things. Your curls become a tangle on your head which I am forced to comb out later and your arms tense and relax in a way that does not support the theory you are an old man".

"And who said I was an old man, madam?"

"I believe it was...you" she said, playing with his indeed tangled curls.

"Well" he began, "I do not feel much like an old man".

. . .

Shortly after they fell asleep in each others arms. Like most nights recently, Jane woke shortly after to find she could not sleep, and so she gently untangled herself from Edward, wrapped a blanket around herself for warmth and sat by the still crackling fire. Now with her new knowledge of her pregnancy she could not feel in the slightest bit upset she was up. She was grateful beyond words, and happier than she had ever been. Why was she of all people worthy of this? Because she was a women, it was what she was made for. Her body was capable of crafting another human being, to bring it into the world.

As she sat there for a very long time in gratitude and love she felt tears rise to her eyes.

"Jane?"

She hastened to wipe away her tears but in vain, Edward had seen.

"My darling, what is wrong?" he asked, kneeling before her.

"Nothing is wrong"

"Then why do you cry?"

She was ready to tell him, but more tears came to her eyes as she went to speak and she shook her head. She felt his warm hand close around hers.

"Today while I was at the doctors I received some news-"

"By god Jane, why did you not say so before now? Are you well?"

"I am more then well, I am perfectly happy"

"Then what was this news?"

"I am with child, Edward".

A long pause.

"You are pregnant? Are you quite sure?"

"I am positive, or at least the doctor was"

Edward's face looked for a moment unlike anything Jane had ever seen. Shock, happiness, gratitude, and love all played across his face.

"Jane we will have a child together?"

"Yes" she said, smiling brightly as Edward pulled her into a close embrace. She hugged him closely, he was everything.

He rubbed her back, pulling the blanket back around her shoulders that had fallen around her as he kissed her.

"Thank you-" he whispered, looking at her so that Jane could see his eyes gleaming, "For all you are, and for all you give me. You have made me the happiest man in the world".


	42. Chapter 42

Nothing could dim the spirits of Jane and Rochester over the following days. They stayed in London the following day in order to see Mr Rochester's doctor and receive an okay to leave. He was thanked most graciously and seemed to have grown a fondness for his patient. Mr Rochester's doctor had told Jane how he enjoyed seeing her husband on account of his knowing so much about the world- he said was so well read and thus interesting to talk to. Jane had agreed heartily, and had found the general interaction of the doctor to be warm and kind.

It was touching to watch Mr Rochester on the carriage ride home. He was so grateful to once again see countryside, tree's, flowers, lake's and streams. He pointed each out to Jane enthusiastically, saying that she had described them so well on the way there that it was almost as he had imagined it. She herself was happy to see it, to be reminded that they had left the city and were returning home. She had enjoyed the change of scenery but confided to her husband that she could never reside there permanently. He had laughed, calling her a shy creature but in turn had agreed, saying that city living lacked a certain privacy and peace that one needed in order to maintain sanity.

Mr Rochester's return to the house was a very joyful event. He was greeted by each of his servants, all happy to see them both returned and so well. He confided in Jane later that several people looked much more severe then they truly were, and that others had a softer face than he imagined, yet he was happy to know them all. They had prepared the most elaborate and exquisite feast in celebration of his return and it was a wonderful night. Mr Rochester then took to doing a thorough examination of the house of which he was very happy. He commented again and again how much like a true home it felt, and how he loved to see touches of Jane throughout it all. His favorite room, like Jane, was the library of which he spent much admiring.

"Doctor says I will not be able to read much, or for very long" he said sadly, running his hand along the spine of a book. It was the first time Jane had seen his spirits at all dimmed.

"Such is alright seeing as I still must have some task so you know I am your wife".

He laughed, pulling her to him.

"I do not think I should need reminding of that, Ms Rochester".

. . .

One early day in December Jane woke feeling her husband was plotting something. He had been out of bed uncharacteristically early, glancing out of the window expectantly. When Jane confronted him as to what he could have been looking for he simply replied "Oh nothing, admiring the view"

"No one wakes at 6 in the morning to admire the view" Jane said, her eyebrow raised.

Edward had smiled and walked back to the bed to kiss her forehead.

"You forget yourself, my darling, a person who does it frequently".

Jane had been silenced into submission by this comment of which she could not argue. She had never quite adjusted to married life allowing her time to sleep in in the mornings.

At breakfast he once again was acting odd. When Jane turned to look at him he was always already observing her and as she looked at him he turned away, smiling.

"Edward Rochester?"

"Yes Jane Rochester?"

"Do not tease me, I know you are up to something"

"I am up to nothing of the sort"

"Then why do you look at me in that strange way?"

"It is called admiration, my darling" he said taking Jane's last bite of toast off her plate and eating it. She had indeed very little appetite in the was still ill in the mornings, she was still having problems eating great amounts of food at one time, but all in all she felt wonderful, happy and more than contented.

Later, as Jane dressed for the day she struggled to find a dress that would still fit. Jane was now four months pregnant and was starting to show through her dresses. Because she was so small in frame the pregnancy showed itself much earlier for her, and so at four months she had formed quite the belly. She pulled on multiple dresses but found the majority would no longer be useful until her 9 months had passed. The door opened and Edward stepped inside looking to his wife who was standing quite naked in front of her wardrobe, struggling to find something to wear. Smiling, he approached her and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck.

"I love this body" he said, looking at her in the mirror before him. "I love it for what it, by the grace of god, has made".

His hand touched her belly and she felt comforted by it. He was so excited. He often lay in bed at night kissing her, and tracing along her belly which was the manifestation of love they had for each other. Jane smiled as he bent down, kissed her belly and drew himself up to her level.

"And I love most of all the women who owns it. God, she does not even know a tenth of the love I have for her".

Jane, smiling, stood on her tip toes and kissed him gently. His hand ran gently up the small of her back and stopped at the back of the neck.

"I love you" she said softly, and a kiss on the forehead was his sweet reply.

"When you are dressed, come downstairs, there is something for you there".

As he walked towards the door Jane turned on him.

"You were hiding something from me"

He grinned

"I think you will forgive me when you see what it is", and with that, he was gone.


	43. Chapter 43

Jane, too anxious to see what was downstairs, did not take long getting ready. She sought a blue dress that had always been a little big on her which now fit perfectly and when it was on she pinned her hair back simply so that she was presentable. As she descended the staircase into the main hall she heard oddly familiar voices- but who was it? In rounding the corner of the sitting room her eyes fell upon Diana and Mary Rivers, talking enthusiastically with Mr Rochester. As soon as she had come into view the sisters had noticed her, and as all their faces became alight with happiness they pulled her into a tight hug, squealing with happiness. As Jane hugged them she opened her eyes to see Edward standing behind her. She smiled at him brightly and he smiled back at her.

"Diana, Mary! What are you doing here?"

"We are here to see you of course!'

'But how?" Jane asked, still surprised.

"Mr Rochester arranged it all. He wrote us to invite us, but made us promise to keep it a surprise".

"I do not know what to say!"

"My god Jane, you look so lovely, so happy. And you are-" , But Diana stopped.

They looked to Jane and saw her condition. Glancing at each other quickly, they looked back at Jane.

"You are with child?"

Jane beamed, unable to contain any of her raw emotions in the moment. She thought there was too much happiness in her, that it would just seep out from every fiber of her being.

"I am"

They were all pulled once again into a tight hug, and the girls repeated again and again how excited they were for Jane.

"Ladies" said Mr Rochester, "I do not wish to intrude on your reunion any further-"

"No, no you must stay" Mary said, "For we are family now, and we all shall be excellent friends to one another. We do not wish to expel you from our company".

Mr Rochester looked to Jane, who nodded warmly.

. . .

"So after you two were reunited, you were married within two days?"

"Yes, just enough time to acquire a priest"

"That is all it took?"

"Nothing of what had been planned before mattered anymore. No dress, no feasts, no carriage that was to head for Paris. To have each other was more than enough", Jane said warmly.

"But how did you know that you were truly right for each other?" Diana asked, almost leaning off her chair in earnest interest.

"Because the person you truly love will never requite thought or contemplation. From the moment I first spoke to Jane the question never entered my mind if she was the right person, for she was the only person I could ever love from that point on".

Mary, who's chin rested on her hand, sighed heavily.

"And was it the same for you, Jane?"

Jane looked to her husband and in their glance they exchanged a shared thought. They had discussed this privately before. But if Jane gave Mary the honest answer there would be something innate about the nature of their relationship that would be impossible to capture in explanation. She could never know, as her husband knew, how she grew to love him slowly as she came to realize he was the home she had always been in search of. So, instead, Jane answered honestly, but shallowly in comparison to what she truly felt.

"It was not quite love at first sight for me, nor even after our first conversation. Rather it came on gradually, with every word we exchanged, I believe I came to love him a little more and more".

Diana and Mary smiled at one another.

"And have you found marriage to be at all difficult?"

"In ways it is" Jane replied truthfully, "Because you hold the happiness of the person you love most with you at all times. You always worry if you are loving enough, supportive enough, giving enough. But if you know how to be honest, and communicative, then all can be worked out".

Edward nodded,"Marriage is more a responsibility than a difficulty. It should be an honor rather than a burden to want to hold your partner's well being with, or even above your own".

"How wonderful".

"But Diana, Mary, you must tell me more about yourselves" Mr Rochester said kindly, "I fear Jane has the pleasure of knowing you both, and I neither".

"Well-"

At that moment, Leah stepped around the corner.

"Sir, Ms, dinner will be ready in an hour or so"

"Thank you, Leah" Mr Rochester said. "Ladies, would you like to be settled in your rooms before dinner? I do not mean to cut your story short and yet I do not want you to be uncomfortable at dinner if you would like to rest for a while before. In leaving our narrative here, I shall have something to look forward to before dinner".

Jane was touched, and yet was not surprised, by Edward's kindness. Though he knew very little of them yet, for they had asked Jane and him a great deal of questions, he was listening with great interest- taking clear measures to make them feel comfortable and at ease.

"I'm sure after the journey you are tired" Jane said, touching Mary's shoulder, "Come"

"I would not refuse a chance for a rest" Diana said, gratefully.

And with that, Jane brought them up to their rooms while Mr Rochester went to answer some mail that had come earlier in the afternoon.

. . .

"Jane, he is a dream" Diana had said, sitting on her bed and smiling at Jane.

"I have never meet a man so intelligent, or kind. He did not treat us as inferiors, rather we were given the benefit of the doubt rather and not judged under preconceived notions".

"No, Edward is not interested in rank, or fortune as a way of dividing people. Rather he values people who are honest and interesting. I fear he is rather wonderful, in every way".

The door opened as Mary entered. Though they had just left her at her room across the hall she had quickly discarded her bags and come to join them once again.

"Look at you Jane, you are as gitty and as overcome as a child. What good friends we shall all be" Diana continued,

"Oh yes, I can tell it now" Mary agreed enthusiastically.

Jane smiled at them both, and they inquired after her look.

"I am just so happy to see you two again. I have missed you greatly and often wondered how you were doing".

"We are always quite well, Jane. Especially with all you have given us".

Jane shook her head, "I could never repay your kindness to me, not even for all the gold in the world".

They laughed together, "What strange notions of family you have, Jane".

"And speaking of!" Mary said, rising, "Jane, you are expecting! How dare you not tell us".

Jane laughed, backing towards the door.

"I must let you two unpack and freshen up. Otherwise we will be here until 2 this morning just talking. At supper we will fill each other in on everything".

And with that, she was gone from the room.


	44. Chapter 44

Jane walked softly on the floor outside the library where her husband was. She did not want him to hear her approach. She did not have to unlatch the door for it was not completely closed. Placing her hand on the door and pushing lightly, she stepped into the room quietly.

Edward was indeed with his letters. He still found it difficult to read on his own, for his eye became tired very quickly, and Jane could see him straining to make out the most likely messy handwriting of the letter her held. As she stood there momentarily he looked up and saw her.

"Why do you smile at me in that way Jane? You smile as if you are thinking very hard".

"I was simply thinking I am envious of the time where I could observe you for as long as I wished without being noticed".

Edward shook his head, smiling, as Jane stepped towards him.

"There cannot be a possible thing to observe for that length of time in this form, Jane".

"Only my entire world" Jane said, sitting comfortably on his lap.

He lay his letters aside and adjusted himself so that Jane would be more comfortable. Jane was very thankful that no matter what he was doing, or what they spoke about, she was always free to perch herself on his lap, and to be embraced. She said this aloud to her husband and he smiled, looking to her with his brilliantly dark eyes.

"Of course you shall always be free to do so. Who could deny someone they love such a simply gesture?"

Jane lay her head back against the armchair and played with Edward's curls, spinning them around her finger. He watched her as she did so, with such peace and stillness in his eyes that Jane could not help but leaning forward and kissing him longingly. He gathered her to him, tracing his finger along her lower back. When the kiss broke Jane continued to look into his eyes.

"Thank you"

"Mmm" he said, still contented from the kiss. "There is no need for thanks".

"And yet I know the effort it took to contact Diana and Mary, and it is something that you did not have to do"

"No, I suppose not. But it was something I wanted to do".

Jane pressed her lips to her husbands forehead and looked to him thoughtfully.

"Now, I will have to find a way to thank you"

He raised his eyebrow and grinned boyishly at Jane.

"I do not think you shall have to think very hard".

He leaned in to kiss her but Jane stopped him, running her fingers over his lips.

"I love you"

His playful mood had turned, as Jane's had, into something more serious. His eyes never broke from hers as their fingers intertwined.

. . .

Supper was wonderful. Diana and Mary got along with Mr Rochester almost more than Jane had expected. They found him charming, amusing, and easy to talk to. Jane was primarily quiet during dinner, for she knew the girls had many things to ask of Mr Rochester and he had much to say in response. She did not mind, however. She was happy to hear them speak to one another so well. Diana and Mary asked him of his world travels, of his ability to sing and play piano, of his extensive knowledge. Jane could tell that the girls lacked what he had seen and loved in Jane- a natural curiosity and wish to learn. She had always listened to him with keen interest, yet was willing to contest him when she thought him wrong or unfair. Diana and Mary listened readily, willing to accept all that he said as the only truth of reality. It was for they had never meet someone quite like him, not because they were foolish.

When dinner was over they sat for quite some time in the sitting room, still speaking among themselves. Jane found herself to be extremely tired. She did not wish to be rude, yet she found herself more and more tempted to fall asleep in the chair in which she sat. Finally, when Diana and Mary were commenting how tired they were, and how longingly they craved a bed, Mr Rochester glanced at Jane, who must been closing her eyes in sleep.

"It appears we have all stayed up far too long" he said, smiling.

Although it appeared that Diana and Mary had not noticed Jane's tired state in the excitement of their conversation with Mr Rochester, her husband had. Jane stood first, and the others followed.

"Tomorrow" said Jane "I think we should take a walk, perhaps into town. I know you will love the beautiful surrounding land".

"Oh Jane, we are excited for it. How lovely"

They all said their good nights at the end of the hallway where Diana and Mary's rooms were. When the doors had been shut, Edward put his arm around Jane walked with her to the other end of the hallway.

"Jane Rochester, you look as if you could fall asleep at this moment walking down the hallway. Why did you not retire sooner?"

"I did not wish to be rude, I know you all would have disbanded if I had retreated early".

"Jane, do not be foolish"

"Edward,I am only tired, I do not have the plague. Do not worry yourself so, you get too worked up and I do not believe it can be good for you".

" _You_ are not good for me, temptress".

He watched her as he held the door opened to their room and Jane stepped inside. Edward turned to close and latch the door, and by the time he had turned around Jane was was already climbing into bed. He walked towards her, pulling the blankets around her so that she would be warm. But when he spoke to her, he found she was already fast sleep.

Smiling, he bent down and kissed her cheek lovingly.

"Goodnight, my Jane".


	45. Chapter 45

The next morning, Jane woke before her husband. It was early, perhaps 6, but she could not sleep any more then she had. She got up and dressed with ease without waking her husband, for he was a heavy sleeper. She took her time doing her hair and putting on her clothes, in her current state she hardly rushed to do anything now. As Jane stood looking at herself in the mirror she smiled- she loved being able to see that she was pregnant. Although it was societal custom to hide the pregnancy for as long as a woman could, Jane did not want to, she was so happy, and felt so fulfilled. But her joyous mood was slightly dimmed when she looked in the mirror for she realized that in town she would need to buy some fabric to make some new dresses, she only fit in two now and that was quickly changing too.

After she was finished dressing and was ready to go downstairs, Jane walked to Edward's side and sat on the edge of the bed. It was a practice that had translated from his time of blindness, but he did not like to wake and not know where Jane was. And so she moved his curls away from his face and caressed his cheek with her thumb until he stirred.

"Good morning" Jane said, smiling at him.

"Morning" he said quickly, his voice heavy with sleep.

He turned on his back in order to look at Jane and in seeing her, his face softened.

"Good morning my darling".

A brief kiss.

"How did you sleep?"

"Very well. And you?"

"Quite well"

"And yet you are up very early"

"I just went to bed early, and so I did not sleep in as long. I am feeling wonderful".

"And how are you this morning?" Edward asked, sitting up and leaning down to kiss Jane's stomach. "I cannot wait to hold you in my arms, I do not think I will ever be a happier man than in that moment".

Jane smiled at him, the extremes of his moods were amusing to her now. Though he was far less hard and changeable than he had been previously, when there were moments of it, Jane simply smiled at him. In this moment, however, he was so gentle, and so loving. How well she loved him in such times.

"This little one is causing me to no longer fit into any of my clothes. I now only have two dresses that fit, and one just barely. When I am in town today, I must get some new fabric for some dresses"

"I vote for a red silk dress, one that hangs from the shoulders and is easy to remove"

Jane raised her eyebrow at him."Your vote is discounted, it is not reasonable"

"It is reasonable for my eyes"

Jane laughed and stood from the bed, yet her hand was still held.

"I must go downstairs and find Diana and Mary for breakfast"

"No, no, you must stay with me" he said, pulling playfully at her arm.

"No, you must come to me downstairs"

"I am not free to kiss you there as I am free to kiss you now"

"Then kiss me before I go"

"Mm, gladly".

Edward drew her near and pressed his lips to her passionately. For a moment she was lost in the kiss...her determination to leave had slowed. She eventually drew back and opened her eyes slowly to him, smiling.

"Don't be long"

"I wont be".

. . . .

Diana and Mary were not yet up when Jane arrived downstairs, in looking at the clock she saw it was only 7:30. But the girls, similar to Jane, had not taken advantage of the luxury of sleeping in, and they were up within ten minutes of Jane arriving downstairs.

"Good morning" Jane said brightly as she saw them looking around the hall.

"Morning dear Jane" they said, rushing forward to greet her.

"Please, sit with me. How did you sleep?"

"It was the best night's sleep I've ever had" Mary said, grinning broadly.

"I thought I would sink into the mattress" Diana agreed.

"You do not have to rush out of bed in the mornings, so long as you are here you are free to do what you wish"

'How could we justify staying in bed with so much excitement to be had?"

Jane smiled, "I agree".

Jane conveyed to Diana and Mary the options for the days activities over breakfast. Easily they chose a walk into town. They were excited, for even though the town locally was relatively small compared to some, they had never been in a place larger than where they grew up, and so it would be very different. They had asked Mr Rochester if he wanted to go, and yet he said he would stay at home and continue to read, if it was suitable to them. Outside, when they were out of earshot of Mr Rochester waving from the step, Diana turned on Jane.

"I suppose Mr Rochester will not come because we are to look at dress fabric and surely other feminine things of which he has no interest? We could always pick another activity if he wished to be included".

"It is not because of the activity he is not coming. Indeed, Edward will come along in most any activity, if for nothing else for the support and companionship. I believe he does not come because he does not wish to tread on our toes, and he knows we still have much to catch up on".

Diana looked slightly saddened.

"I fear I was looking for a slight hitch in his otherwise good character. I say this as a friend, as I am sure you know. He is so well read, and so intelligent-though far too much so for my intellect, yet perfectly suited for yours. I lay in bed last night thinking of how I do not think I shall ever find such a man who loves me in the way Mr Rochester loves you. In fact I have never seen anything like it before. You have a claim on him, and a control over him. Though he is not pitiable and wilting in your presence as some men are in marriage. He is not disengaged. You are a true unit. Such is certainly not the natural state in marriage- I have seen it in my mother and father. Though they loved each other, she had no say, and she had no power. He made almost every decision alone, and never sought her opinions".

"And you often observed this?" Jane asked

"Oh yes" Mary agreed, "As Diana says, he appreciated my mother, but as a companion, and not as a love. In her later years she felt very alone, I fear. And very isolated. Though she knew she had little to complain about, for he never raised a hand to her, and his stoicism was better than a passionate temperament prone to wrath. He was very like St. John, in fact".

"And yet it is unfair to expect the same for yourselves" Jane said, somewhat forcefully. "I resigned myself to the belief I would never marry- I wanted only a small place of my own one day where I could live simply and be happy. I would not marry if it were not for love, and i doubted the possibility of that. But love was swept into my path in the form of a man who, like you say, thinks of me as he thinks of himself. But I did not ask for it, I left the choice to providence, and here I find myself. You must look upon yourselves with kindness, and do the same".

"There is one man.." Diana said slowly, looking forward thoughtfully.

"I cannot believe you have held this from me for so long!"

Mary laughed, "You are not alone Jane. Diana! Who can you possibly speak of"

"He is a naval captain, a Captain Roy"

"He sounds distinguished, where did you meet?" Jane asked.

"I meet him while visiting Rosamond Oliver, surely you remember her"

"Of course" the listeners answered in reply.

'Well, this was a friend of her cousin who was visiting. We did not converse for very long, or on more than a handful of occasions, yet I must admit I was taken with him".

"Diana! When will you see him again" Mary asked

"Possibly never, and so I try to not think of him. Still, sometimes I find my mind wanders.."

"Naturally, your face practically glows at the mention of him" Jane said, touched.

"Well, I will not be a silly romantic, and so I must not put my mind to him again"

"We shall see about that" Jane said, glancing at Mary happily.


	46. Chapter 46

Town was unusually busy that morning, so Diana and Mary experienced the true life of a vibrant town. Several people stopped to talk with Jane, and she introduced them to her companions. Jane was proud to introduce them, they were sensible, kind and friendly souls. Then they moved with pleasure from shop to shop, commenting on all that they saw.

"Who on earth would this suit?" Mary asked, holding up a rather elaborate gold bonnet brimming with roses and flowers of every color imaginable. Jane took it from her and placed it on her head, grinning.

"Me?"

"Jane remove that at once, you look ridiculous. Far too pretty for that gaudy hat".

Smiling, she laid it back on the rack and joined Diana, who had already chosen the fabric for Jane's new dress.

At that moment, the door to the shop opened and Blanch Ingram swept inside. At first Jane did not believe her eyes, it was a very surreal experience. She looked very out of place in the store, for she was dressed as if she were heading to a ball. Her pink satin dress, her red jewels, and elaborately arranged hair all looked very odd in the early morning. As she turned and her eyes fell on Jane she looked genuinely shocked. She could not easily hide her dissatisfaction as Jane could, and so her greeting was much colder then she intended it to be.

"Ms Eyre, what a surprise, though I believe I am to call you another name now"

"Hello Ms Ingram" Jane said, perfectly kindly. "I do indeed hold another name now".

"I must say- I am still surprised. When Mama told me the news I considered all factors and yet I could not find reason within it"

"Reason within what, Ms Ingram?"

"Well, your union of course. I know it was quite the dramatic departure when you left poor Thornfield. Yet I never expected you to return to him, not with the way he lied to you".

Jane felt a fury rising within her. How dare she make comment so lightly on such a devastating event for Jane.

"Whatever both our faults were in the past, he has well atoned for it since and has more than made it up in kindness".

"I do not know that I could be so forgiving-"

"Well then, it is fortunate it is not your approval he seeks" Jane said, still reasonably, and yet very firm.

Blanch Ingram looked taken aback.

"Well, I myself am fortunate to only have suitors at present. They benefit my cause far better than a husband could. They wish to treat me like a princess, and like a princess is what I believe I am entitled to".

Jane smiled, "Then I am glad to hear you are contented"

"Oh yes, of course. I am always contented".

Jane knew this to be a lie, and yet she also suspected half of what came out of Blanche's mouth was a lie.

"And do you now live in this part of the country?"

"Good heavens, no. I reside in London now. I am here on a quaint visit of a friend, a Lord Kingston. Do you know him?"

"I am afraid I do not"

"That is indeed an awful shame. Perhaps some time you two shall cross paths"

"Indeed, perhaps someday".

At that very moment, Diana and Mary, who had clearly been listening to the conversation, came over and stood beside Jane.

"Ms Ingram, these are my two very good companions, Diana and Mary Rivers".

"It is a pleasure" they said together, smiling upon her warmly but secretly mulling over her unpleasant character, Jane was sure.

"How sweet you two are" Blanch said, in a condescending tone. "I am glad to see Ms Eyre has _some_ friends"

"Ms Rochester" Jane corrected, "And now, if you'll excuse us, we must pay for this and be on our way".

It was not until Jane turned that Blanch saw that she was pregnant. If she was unable to hide her surprise before it was nothing to how she looked now. Blanch looked as if she had swallowed something unpleasant whole, and Jane, smiling small to herself, paid for the fabric easily.

"Thank you, have a good day" Jane said to the clerk. "And goodbye, Ms Ingram".

She was unable to reply. Surprise and anger still lingered on her face as Jane said goodbye to her and promptly left the store.

The walk home was filled with laughter.

. . .

Jane did not mention her encounter in town until later that night. Indeed, Edward was out in the stables with Louis when Jane arrived home and remained here until dinner where they spoke of happier topics, and of Diana and Mary's first experiences in town. The girls had spent the evening designing the dresses they were to make for Jane. Although Jane could sew, Diana and Mary had a particular talent for it, and thus were to be far more trusted with the task. Mr Rochester did sit with them in the evening-though he read, he often chimed in conversation to everyone's delight. Jane always thought her husband was quite the celebrity with others around, and often outshone whoever he was in the room with.

"You know, I had quite the encounter this afternoon in town" Jane said, laying her final items of clothing to the side as she undressed.

As Jane sat on the edge of the bed, Edward knelt before her and slowly removed her stockings.

"Which encounter was this?"

"I ran into Blanch Ingram"

Edward froze to look at Jane.

"By god, that is not a name I have thought of in quite some time. What could she possibly have been doing here?"

"She was visiting a Lord Kingston"

"Ah" he said, tossing her stockings aside and standing up with some passion "It all makes sense now. The most unfeeling, unsympathetic man on this side of the country".

"Well, she has not much changed-"

"How could she? Selfish people never change".

Jane climbed into bed eagerly. She had been feeling slightly off in the evening and was ready to sleep. Edward soon joined her and they stayed up talking for a long time. There was nothing in the world Jane loved more than simply talking to her husband. Eventually however, they fell into a peaceful sleep. When Jane woke however, she was hit with a devastation she could never have imagined.


	47. Chapter 47

Jane was awoken suddenly in the night by the strangest feeling in her abdomen. It was sharp, and quick, and it ended as quickly as it had begun. it had almost gone away enough for Jane to sleep when it happened again. Jane sat up, clutching her side in pain. She was warm, overwhelmed, and this time the pain did not go away. She quickly flipped back the sheets and saw that she was covered in a pool of dark blood.

"No" she whispered, fright flooding her veins.

Standing up, Jane saw the full extent of the state of herself. She too was covered in blood- the pain was agonizing.

"No, no" she called, rousing her husband from sleep.

"Jane?" Edward asked sleepily. He saw her standing beside the bed and quickly was on his feet and at her side.

"Jane my darling, are you alright?"

"I just felt- and the blood, Edward the blood".

She was starting to panic now, she pulled herself from his arm and paced the room, her hand touching her forehead as she stared off blankly into space.

"Jane, what is it?"

But she wasn't listening, she didn't even feel him take her arm again.

"No, no, the baby, it cannot be coming now"

Jane was more frantic than ever. Her mind was raving faster than it ever had. Too many emotions threatened to overtake her. Her hand fell on her forehead and she pushed her hair back forcefully. Edward stepped before her, placing his hand on her heart.

"Breathe. Breathe. Breathe".

She looked into his eyes, trying to calm herself , but was frightened by her own sharp inhale.

"That's it, that's it".

"It's too early" Jane cried frantically, her eyes wide, "It is too early".

"It's alright, it's okay, it's okay"

"What do I-" but Jane's voice was frail, and she could not continue. She put her forearm on her husbands shoulder, trying to balance herself from collapsing. Though she did not acknowledge him, he followed her intently with his face, trying to connect with her. He put his hands on her waist, staring into her face.

"Make it stop" she pleaded pitifully, "Make it stop".

Anguish spread over his features.

"What can I do?"

Jane backed away from him, covering her mouth in horror. Yet he did not release his grasp on her arm. Tears now spilled from her eyes. She looked at him in a desperate prayer.

"It's too early" she groaned, sobs issuing from her, "Oh God, no, no, no"

"Shh" he soothed, and yet his composure started to slip into panic too.

"Jane, what can I do? Tell me what to do?"

She shook her head desperately, her head felt as if it would burst. He guided her back against so that she fell onto a nearby table. He dropped before her, holding her still around the waist and looking up at her.

"Tell me" he begged

"Save it" she cried in desperation, "You have to save it".

"Our child is gone, my darling. You must let me help you"

"No" she begged, crumpling on the floor, "No".

Shock caused Jane to not recall the way her husband had brought her back to the bed. He lay her on his side and removed the blankets that were now soaked in her blood. Her breathing continued to be sharp and irregular, she could not catch her breath. She did not remember how he had removed her from her bloodstained clothes, and pulled off his own nightshirt to slip over her, before grabbing another of his own along with a jug of water.

He lay beside her in bed, dabbing her burning forehead with cool water. For a second, his face, the cool water, and the smell of him in his shirt slowed her attack of panic. She gasped for air, looking into her husbands face.

"Our baby"

"Yes, my darling" he said, his voice breaking slightly.

"It is gone?"

"It is gone".

He could not risk long phrases, for then his voice would break fully, and he would have no strength left for her.

"Why?"

He continued to soothe her with the cold water. It drew her back from slipping into the unconscious. He drew the blankets up around her and pulled her hair back away from her face. How broken was her soul, how shattered her heart. She grasped his arm which was applying the cloth to her cheek and cried in sadness. He pulled her into a close embrace, holding the back of her head in his hand. Her sobs pierced his ear and she pulled desperately at the back of his shirt.

"Oh God, why?".


	48. Chapter 48

"It is not your fault, Jane. It is no one's fault".

Jane lay in her bed, her mind blank, and her thoughts bare. She surveyed the ceiling, for it was all her heart could bare. Her husband lay beside her on his stomach. He brought himself up on his forearms so that he looked directly into her face, his soft gaze never leaving her. Her fingers traced his jaw lightly. She needed him, but she could not yet speak to him. His voice was gentle, and low, and it mimicked the soft candlelight of the room. Whatever panic had slipped from him hours before was now replaced with concern, and a wish to heal.

"I should go and get the doctor"

"Why? What good would it do? The baby is gone."

"There is you to be considered".

"No".

Edward looked down, when he looked back at her his eyes were sparkling with tears. His thumb caressed her cheek as he spoke.

"My sweet Jane. When we have ten children, all running round under your feet and filling this home with laughter, this will all feel like a dream".

Jane nodded bravely, holding back the tears that came brimming to her eyes.

"My god, I have failed you"

"Shh, you have not failed. How could you say something like that?"

"Because what if I am not capable of bearing children? And I can never give you a child"

"You are the gift I have been given which is capable of bringing life into this world. We shall try again. And if it is not in God's plan for us to have children, I shall hold precious every moment I spend with you, until my last breath, and never wish for more than you".

Jane looked to her husband, and seemed for the first time to hear what he said. He smoothed her hair and kissed her forehead lovingly. A calm that had eluded her for hours began to once again feel familiar. In the smallest way, she was comforted.

Jane's thumb traced Edwards eyebrow as she cried slightly.

"I fear-" she began, "that my heart is broken"

"I promise you, I shall hold all the broken pieces until we can put them back together again" he assured her.

Her face turned to kiss the hand which caressed her face. Edward watched Jane as her eyes feel heavily with sleep- her body needed rest- her emotions had exhausted her, the pain had exhausted her. She was in his nightshirt, for hers, filled with blood, was soaking out of her sight.

"That's right" Edward encouraged, "Sleep my darling. I will be here when you wake".

. . .

And there he was. Every morning for a week.

Each morning Jane woke to the dazzling sunshine, she felt her head pounding with shame and guilt. She could tell her eyes were swollen from crying the day before and that her lack of appetite had caused her to be weak.

Diana and Mary tried very hard to disguise their concern. Though they did not see Jane for two days after the miscarriage, Mr Rochester arranged for Ms Eshton to come and take the girls out on various activities so that they did not just sit around the house, It gave Jane a quiet home, and him time alone with her. When they did see Jane they were of little comfort, for their shock and sadness was heightened in seeing Jane's state. They learned quickly that trivial pleasures held no power in cheering her, and although Jane did not mind seeing them, they did not take her mind away from what she had lost.

Edward stayed with her, loving her with untiring care. He sat beside her all day. Sometimes they talked, sometimes they sat in silence, with him only caressing her hand in communication. Some days she cried in his arms and other days she was silent, and still. He always seemed to know what she needed without asking. And yet Jane felt like such a burden. She knew that she was causing so much worry and concern. She saw her husbands face- saw his manner. In quiet moments she too could see he was devastated as she was, yet he could manage a certain strength that Jane could not muster yet. He ate little too, and was hesitant to leave her alone for too long. She communicated this to him, confided how she felt and how she wished she could not be such a worry. She was brought to his embrace and held close, being assured she was not acting in any way she did not have a right too. He understood.

Diana and Mary left finally at the weeks end. Though it was the intended day of their departure, there was a relative hesitancy to leave as their things were brought down to the carriage. Mr Rochester had gone down to see them off, assuring Jane he would be back. The opened window of their bedroom, and the breeze that day carried their conversation to Jane upstairs. She looked out the window at the carriage, and heard Diana ask, sadly.

"Are you sure there is nothing more for us to do, Jane is so broken"

Edward shook his head,

"I am not worried. Jane is a stronger woman than any I have ever meet. She needs time, and time we have".

Jane felt a surge of strength in her husbands words. It gave her back a partial amount of confidence that had been stripped from her.

"Well, you know where to reach us if such should change. Thank you for all you have done for us"

"No, thank you for coming. I have enjoyed meeting the women Jane has praised to the heavens, and you have certainly lived up to every expectation. I hope to see you again soon".

And with that, the carriage headed towards the road, with Diana and Mary Rivers headed for home.

 **\- Thank you all for your great kindness to me with your comments. I know these were hard chapters, so I would love to hear your input on them! I always love talking with you guys and sharing thoughts, good or bad. Life has been busy, so thank you also for being patient with my odd posting schedule. Hope you are all well! -**


	49. Chapter 49

The following morning Jane lay in her husbands arms, her chin resting against his shoulder, looking outside of the opened window. It was a bright day out, despite the heavy rain that pounded on the window. The light that hit her face was friendly and welcomed. Edward rubbed her back, looking down upon her fixed eyes. Jane felt comforted cuddled into his chest. She moved her face down into his shoulder and closed her eyes. His hand held the pack of head and he kissed the top of her forehead.

"I want to take you away from here"

Jane pulled back slowly to look at him,

"All I want is to be alone with you- truly alone".

Jane shook her head,

"I fear I am not good company for anyone right now".

"You will always be the only company I want. It would only be for a few days, some quiet time for us. You should sketch and draw to your hearts content, and we could read together, and walk. There is too much here for you right now Jane, and your mind is overwhelmed".

Jane looked into his eyes, and nodded.

"I want to be better, to feel better- and I want to be your wife again",

"I am afraid, Ms Rochester, that you shall be my wife regardless of what happens to us. You are stuck with me".

He paused from his moment of playfulness and looked seriously at her,

"Let me take you away".

Without her consent he never would have planned anything, and he would not make her go. But because Jane believed it would do them both good, she agreed. She could tell he was burning for it, and she had no desire to deny him any small thing she could offer him. So the next day, Jane sat on the bed and watched as Edward loaded her things into a trunk for her. She had gotten up and dressed in one of her old dresses, seeing for the first time the new ones she had made hanging painfully before her. It had been a setback, and Edward had guided her back to the bed where she remained until the trunks were packed.

The servants sorrowful glances were hard for Jane to walk through, some even turned and busied themselves with invisible tasks rather than look at her. John and Leah, however, were steady as ever. They wished the Rochester's a wonderful break, and waved them off from the steps of the house. Jane had been happy to see Leah's courage in approaching her. In fact, Leah came and spoke to Jane at times in the past week when Mr Rochester was busy. She liked her very much indeed.

The carriage was riding towards an unknown location, and Jane's heart, though heavy, felt like it was beating again.

. . .

"No, Jane, you must not look" Edward said, pulling Jane's hands back over her eyes.

"I know, I must trust you"

"Exactly- oh, watch your step here".

Jane was being lead towards something that she did not know, and waited anxiously until she could open her eyes.

"Okay..open"

Jane took her hands down from her eyes and immediately her heart lifted and lightened. She laughed a singular laugh in surprise, tears filling her eyes.

"The seaside. You've taken me to the seaside".

They stood at the edge of a cliff which overlooked shockingly blue water. White waves crashes against the base of the tall cliffs and the sounds of the ocean were the only things which pierced the air which was heavy with salt and mist. She wanted to say more to her husband, but found she was momentarily unable to. Her hand touched his arm in hopes of communicating, and he pulled her into a close embrace. She smiled into his chest, turning her face to look again at the water below.

"You always wanted to go to the seaside"

Jane nodded as tears slid from her eyes.

"I did"

"Do you remember when you first told me that?"

"When we first met- during the fourth evening you called me to you after dinner"

"I asked you where you wished to travel, seeing as you had never traveled beyond moving from Gateshead to your school. And you told me, 'Anywhere where I can see the ocean. I have never been so lucky to see it'. And then we spoke of it again during our honeymoon- when you lay in my arms in bed, and we talked about what normal couples do for their honeymoon, and how ours was forced to be so different".

"We were so happy then" Jane said, softly.

Her husband pulled back from her, looking directly into her eyes. His hand traced her face, his thumb running over her lips lovingly.

"We can still be that happy, Jane. But please let me in, please confide in me. It is to much to bare alone, to believe your feelings are yours alone, and will disappear with time. I need you. I need you as my wife, and my best friend, and most cherished companion. I cannot move through this world without you. And I cannot move through this world seeing you so unhappy. We lost a child Jane, but we must not lose each other too. You have been there for me every moment I did not think I could continue on, and your faith in me with my frustration and anger never hardened, and never faltered. It is my turn to be that for you".

Jane saw the passion in which he spoke, and immediately she felt guilty for leaving him from her confidence.

"You are right. I have left you alone in this-".

"No, you have every right to wanting to keep your thoughts to yourself."

His fingers closed warmly around hers.

"I left you alone, because I felt as if I had failed you. I know now that is untrue, but it took me some time to fully understand that for myself"

Jane paused, and ran her fingers along the buttons on his coat. She looked down and back up at him thoughtfully.

"You must be frustrated with me, you must think me-"

"No" he said softly "I know that I love you in every imaginable way. That is all I think of when I think of you"

Jane wiped the tears quickly from her eyes and breathed deeply.

"I want to tell you everything, I do not want to keep anything from you anymore"

He took her hand and began guiding her away from the cliff. The ground was rocky, and so their movements were slow. But with all they had to say to one another, the extra time was welcomed. With every word Jane spoke her heart felt like it was healing itself. Though she still hurt, and was angry, she was not isolated in her emotions. There was someone who shared her emotions, and made her fears dissolve before her very eyes. It was not perfect, but it was a start. A very encouraging start.


	50. Chapter 50

Jane and Edward arrived at a small cottage house on the seaside after a half an hour walk. John, who had driven them there, had dropped off their trunks at the door. The house was very small, and very old, but quite beautiful. It was only one floor, one room. Jane smiled as they entered- the simplicity of the place was exactly what she needed.

Jane had made a comfortable fire as Edward had moved the trunks inside and brought in some food which he also packed. It was quite an isolated spot, and Mr Rochester did not think there would be a place nearby in which to get food. As Jane stood in the window, looking out at the ocean before them, she could not help but think he was right. There was not a sign of anything else around for Jane busied herself and boiled some water to began making tea as Edward pulled off his coat, hanging it on the coat rack by the door.

"By god, today is a cold day" he exclaimed, sitting in front of the fire in the only chair in the place. Jane walked towards him very slowly, balancing two cups of tea awkwardly in her hand. As she approached he reached up quickly to relieve her of the very full cups.

"Thank you, very much"

"Perhaps I should have poured some out"

"No, indeed not. Today is far too cold a day to waste any of this precious tea".

Jane smiled as she was guided onto his lap- she tucked her feet into the corner of the chair and rested her head on his shoulder.

"What do you think?"

"It is beautiful here".

Edward smiled, rubbing her leg instinctively.

"This is the sort of place I have always secretly wanted to escape to. It is so different from all I have ever known".

"I was indeed wondering if this is considered roughing it for you"

He chuckled, kissing her cheek. "You are wicked Jane. No, this is not roughing it".

A strong wind blew through the house, carrying the small sound of a whistle through the old stones. The fire before them flickered and Jane sipped contentedly from her warm cup of tea.

"Imagine, people once lived their lives here together in this place. So intimate, and so quiet. They would have rarely encountered another soul, and their reality would never have extended beyond the other love they must have had for one another".

"Do you think we could make it together out here, Ms Rochester?"

Jane nodded immediately, she did not need the time to think.

"Yes" she said softly, "Not only make it, but thrive".

He played with her free hand, his thumb running over her wedding ring repeatedly. His glance was fixed on the fire before him, and the glow played across his face onto his warm smile. Something hovered in the front of his mind, and Jane could see him trying to string words together in order to tell her. She stopped his hand which moved over hers and held it steady.

"What is it?"

"Will you want to try again?"

Jane's stomach turned anxiously, but the answer was clear. She did want to try again, and she did want a child with Edward. It was all she could think about in the glorious months she was pregnant. She simply did not want the pain again- the fear that once again she would be left childless and broken. But her thoughts had resulted in a long paused, and Edward's face had sunken,looked slightly worried. Jane eased his suffering by nodding surely, and running her fingers through his hair.

"Kiss me".

It was the first time he has kissed her lips in a week. But the moment their lips locked Jane felt like she had found her way fully back to him. The feel of his hand in the small of her back was reassuring, and as he drew her near Jane felt as she had not felt since learning of her miscarriage. The kiss broke and Edward pulled back to gaze longingly at her.

"I will not touch you, Jane, until you want me to".

She tugged lightly on his shirt collar, pressing her forehead to his. She moved his hand to the inside of her thigh and he traced his fingers slowly upwards. Instantly, she moaned deeply, and Edward's mouth curled slightly at the ends. It was like something had been reignited within her, and her heart of ice had melted at his touch. He kissed her jaw slowly, and she leaned into the feeling of his soft, skillful lips.

"I want you to" she said, breathlessly, "I want you".

He gathered her to him and lifted her into his arms. His lips brushed against hers as he carried her to the bed in corner of the room. It was further from the fire, and colder here. He lay her down gently, and climbed over her, bringing her lips once again sweetly to his. She pulled him closer as they kissed, wrapping her arms around his neck. His hands took to unbuttoning her dress. He worked slowly, for the kiss was distracting. But with the last button he was able to cast her dress aside, yet as he went to remove her slip Jane stopped, pushing her hand against his chest.

He looked at her inquisitively, and she shook her head, one tear sliding from her closed eyes.

"What is it darling?"

His thumb swept her tear away, and she took hold of his arm,

"My stomach has not changed yet, I still appear pregnant".

He smoothed her hair back, and kissed her forehead.

"Every inch of you is mine to protect-" he spoke lowly in her ear, "please, trust me".

Her hand dropped to allow him to continue, and he discarded her last layers of clothes. Both their clothes lay discarded beside the bed as a soothing calm came over Jane as Edwards lips trailed her body, as he caressed and sucked and kissed. Jane radiated comfort and happiness. Their hands lay intertwined above their heads, squeezing together in moments of immense pleasure. Edward smiled as Jane struggled to keep her eyes opened. He kissed her deeply, forcing her head back into the pillow. He turned her over gently on her stomach and kissed up and down her back, across her shoulders and chewed playfully on her bum.

"Are you going to make me beg?" Jane asked, gasping into the pillow.

Edward smiled and lay on his side beside his wife.

"No, I cannot resist you any longer, even if I wanted to". Face to face Jane wrapped her legs around his waist as he entered her. She gasped, staring into his eyes, using her legs to push him deeper inside her. She clawed helplessly at his skin, watching his own face contorting with pleasure. His deep exclamations of pleasure made her heart soar. Smiling herself, she felt a pressure inside herself that was so natural and so right, it was his smell, his voice, it was him inside her which drove her over the edge.

Waves of pleasure moved over them. Jane shuddered beside him, and soon, as he released within her he cried out similarly, calling her name and falling motionless beside her. Jane, still trying to catch her breath held him close, her hand pressing into his back and shoulder. Her vision was momentarily blurry as she looked at him, smiling softly. But soon he was in full focus, a slight sheen on sweat over his skin, his face softened into the most perfect smile Jane had ever known.

"Jane" he said, his voice horse, "I wanted to watch you as you came, but you distracted me- there is still some of that temptress within you".

"Well" said Jane, pulling them both into a sitting position, her sitting on top of him, facing him. He still moved within her, slowly, and gently.

"Well what, Jane Rochester?"

"Perhaps you will just need to bring us there again".

They kissed deeply, communicating to each other all that could not be said in words. Another cold breeze blew through the house but Jane did not feel in the slightest cold.

"I love you, so deeply, that I will never come close to being able to tell you"

He smiled, kissing her shoulder and back. They made passionate loving until the day had passed into night.


	51. Chapter 51

All was still when Jane woke up hours later.

A fire was crackling beside her was the first thing to fill her senses. It had been so cold in the corner of the room earlier that Edward had pushed the bed in front of the fireplace on the opposite side of the room. For the first time in a very long time, Jane laughed as she watched Edward push it across the room, him grunting the whole way that it was so fragile it way come to pieces at any moment. The memory made her smile as she lay in bed. It was still cold, but not near so much by the fire. And not when she was wrapped so closely in her husbands arms. They had fallen asleep quickly, but perhaps only two hours had passed before Jane woke again. Her eyes flickered opened slowly, revealing her husband laying beside her. Seeing him asleep was perhaps her favorite sight in the world. His strong body lay easily, his face was relaxed and peaceful, his curls hung down on his face and the light of the fire illuminated a soft glow over his features. Jane signed happily, for with him her heart was full. The blankets had fallen from him so they just rested around his middle, yet it was very cold, even under the blankets and she knew he must have been cold. Jane moved in order to readjust them but she had moved too much and had caused him to stir. He woke hastily, rubbing his eyes.

"I'm sorry" Jane said softly, biting back a smile and pulling the blankets up around his shoulders. "Go back to sleep, I did not mean to wake you".

"Is everything alright?" he asked, his voice low with sleep, yet smiling at the way Jane was caring for him.

"Everything is more than alright. I am lying here thinking of all the reasons I am so happy, and many of them are because of you"

"Well, why do you not tell me some of the reasons so I can rest well?".

"I am afraid not, we will stay up talking too long, go back to sleep now and I will tell you in the morning"

"I do not need that much sleep Jane" he protested,

Jane rose up beside him, moving over him and propping herself up on her elbows.

"Well, a man like yourself does needs rest. Moving that bed today, and those trunks...why you must be positively drained", as she spoke her fingers traced playfully over his chest.

"How wicked of you to tease me, woman. In fact, it was you who gave me the largest workout today" he said, eyebrow raised, grinning boyishly at her. As he went to kiss Jane she pulled back, smiling.

"What? Not even a kiss for your husband who has slaved away for you today moving trunks and an especially well-made bed so that you would not be cold?"

"My lips are frozen from the cold"

"Now that-" he said, smiling, "I can fix".

And fix it he did.

. . .

"You really are a truly wonderful lover" Edward said, tracing his fingers weightlessly along his wife.

Their hands were entwined instinctively.

"Thank you, I had a very devoted teacher"

He chuckled and kissed her breasts momentarily, lingering over her nipples slightly, sucking with the most delicate touch. She smiled at him, running her fingers through his messy curls. As his fingers ran up her most private area her body shuddered, her hips thrusting into their teasing movements. It had been hours, and still her body craved him and his touch. They were making up for lost time after all. In the week after her miscarriage, they had made no love- which was the longest amount of time since their marriage by far they had gone without it. Perhaps it was not womanly for a wife to have so much desire for her husband, but she did not care. He was hers as fully as she was his.

He had been watching her as he teased her and bent to her ear to speak lowly into it.

"By God, you are divine. Christ, will I ever not want you?"

Jane's lips found his quite naturally, and they moved in perfect unison with one another.

"I was thinking the same thing just now"

He smiled, kissing the side of her nose.

"I know, your body is so responsive, so willing".

Jane blushed slightly as he grinned, falling back to her side.

The silence of the cabin was comforting. Far off in the distance Jane could hear the sound of waves hitting the shore. The sun was starting to rise, and the first signs of daylight were breaking through the windows of the cottage. Jane turned onto her stomach to look at the sun beams directly, but it was not enough. She stood and walked over to the window which faced the ocean, sighing deeply at beautiful noises. She could see the sun struggling to poke through the horizon, and wished for a moment that she had it's view of the world.

"Look" she said, turning to face her husband. But he was already looking at her, smiling proudly as he surveyed her form standing before him. He rose from bed and walked over to her, blanket in hand. He went to wrap the warmest one around her, but Jane wrapped it around his shoulders and stood before him, wrapping it around herself as well and holding the front together. She leaned back into his embrace.

"Have you ever seen a more beautiful sight?" she asked, her fingers touching the window longingly.

"Come" he said, "We have the best view in the world before us. We can watch it rise together".

After dressing quickly, and pulling on their coats, Edward wrapped Jane in his scarf and in the same warm blanket from the bed. She grinned as he wrapped her so tight she could not move her arms from being pinned to her sides. Laughing, she was swept into his arms and carried onto the beach, bundled up and immobile.

"Edward I-" but she could not finish through her laughing,

"Yes Jane?"

"I-", but more laughter prevented her from speaking.

"Jane what is it! I am waiting!" he said in a fake annoyed voice, for he too was laughing.

"I can't move!"

"Can't you?" he said, faking confusion.

She could do nothing but grin into his chest. It was cold out, but not as cold as the day before. In fact, this time of the morning was bearable in its temperance. Perhaps she had simply been wrapped in too many layers, but she was fuzzy with feeling and warmth. Once they had reached a dry spot that was close to the water, he set her down and spread a different blanket beneath them so they did not have to sit on the damp sand. As he sat, Jane remained standing- admiring the world that stretched out before her. She imagined all of the souls who had stood here as she did now and thought about the world before them. How vast, how extraordinary. How small they must have felt in comparison to its grandeur.

How small Jane felt.

The salt breeze filled her nostrils and cleared her very soul. There was not another sound in the world except for the rhythmic washing of the sand from the waves, beating the shore as it had for hundreds of thousands of years. Probably since the beginning of time. And yet here Jane was, a small piece of an endless story. Though people stood here before her, and would stand here after her- she still felt her own power and importance in that moment. It was as if time itself has stopped. No matter what came to pass, no matter what challenges faced her, she could stand through it. She was sure of that.

She turned to her husband, radiating the hope which flooded her veins.

"Oh, Edward" she said, out of the blue, not looking at him, but feeling for his hand. She was brimming with this sudden feeling, oh which words were inadequate. Though he looked surprised, he smiled and closed his fingers around hers.

"Jane, whatever has just came over you, you must tell me at once. You are absolutely glowing with life!".

And so she did. And for hours they were the only things in the world to one another. The only thing keeping them grounded in reality was the lapping ocean, and the birds which were beginning to call overhead.

It was the most beautiful sunrise Jane had ever seen.


	52. Chapter 52

Hello everyone, happy holidays!

Thank you, so much, for your patience in my sporadic posting over these past few weeks. Things have been very busy, as I am sure they have been with you too. I wish you all the very best in the new year and every happiness.

Thank you, as always, for being amazing readers. I am so humbled.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The trip to the cottage did Jane and Edward a world of good. They spoke late into the nights and into the morning about everything. Though this was not a new practice for them, it was unique in this, for it unburdened their minds and hearts. The miscarriage had been the real first test of their marriage, for everything up until the moment they had lost their baby had felt like a dream. Despite Jane feeling guilty for not having told him how she was feeling earlier, he understood, and she did not wish to burden herself with guilt that was unfair to carry. She no longer walked around with the sinking feeling of dread for the future, or how she was to face anyone who knew she had been pregnant. The person who was once Jane Eyre still burned in her veins, and with her, she could accomplish anything.

The carriage ride home was a quiet one. Mr Rochester fell asleep within minutes of the carriage leaving the cottage and Jane was happy to support his head on her shoulder. She laughed to herself at her perhaps pious behavior the first time she and Mr Rochester were in a carriage together. She had repeatedly knocked his hand away as he tried to hold hers, but she had wished to keep him at bay, and not let him run her over with feeling. She had been naive then, but was not wrong in her actions. She only wanted to make sure all was right, and not a passing romance. She knew that he had experience with other women intimately, something of which she knew nothing; and though she had never felt that pressure from him, she wanted to keep him at a distance- to make sure he did not only desire her for _those_ reasons. But now, having been fully loved by him, having lay with him, having been caressed by him, she could not imagine something further from the truth.

Edward stirred, and Jane's eyes were diverted from the rolling hills and fields before her. He readjusted in his seat and without opening his eyes, felt for Jane's hand. In finding it, he eased back into sleep quickly and was still once more. Jane eventually fell asleep too, for the night before had little sleep in it. Upon hitting one major hole in the road, however, both were jostled awake and looked at each other amusedly. Edward wrapped his arm around her and brought the blanket closer around them, for the wind had picked up and the cold wind ran through the moving carriage.

"How happy we will be to arrive home where the fires are lit" Edward said, a little grumpily, blowing hot air into his hands as he rubbed them together. But his face suddenly fell and he looked at Jane curiously.

"You are happy to be returning home, are you not?"

Jane nodded, "Yes, I am very happy. I know I told you I could have stayed in the cottage forever, but I am happy wherever you are. I love our house, I love the servants there, and I love living there. I would not trade it for the world".

Edward smiled, kissing Jane's temple as he held her close.

"I have faith.." he began with conviction, "that we are able to conquer anything together. I cannot imagine there is a worse thing to experience in a marriage, or a larger test of strength, and yet I love you more now than I ever have"

Jane nodded, rubbing his leg lovingly.

"I am so very lucky for you" she said, softly. It was a simple statement, and one which in comparison to how she felt, was shallow. He smiled down at her, and then looked out of the carriage window.

"Look, there is the post. We are very close".

. . .

As the carriage pulled up the drive of the Rochester's house, Jane could see the servants pour out of the house. They stood in line expectantly, the women smoothing their dresses and the men standing tall. Leah and John walked the line of servants, assessing the appearance of each one. When the carriage stopped, the door was opened by a smiling John who helped Jane from the carriage.

"Hello mistress" he said kindly. His old, dark eyes sparkled with care as he greeted her. She was very happy to see him.

"Hello John"

"I hope you are well', the statement was almost a reluctant question. Jane nodded knowingly.

"To be away from this place for a few days did me quite a lot of good. But I am happy to return home"

"Exactly miss" he said, smiling.

Leah whisked Jane into her arms as John greeted Mr Rochester. Soon, however, John was hurrying around to the back of the carriage to remove the luggage- only to find that he could not. As soon as he had gripped the sides of the trunks he was forced to drop them again. In seeing him grappling with their weight, Jane was reminded of his age. She looked to Edward who had already noticed and was glancing concernedly at Jane. Quickly, he moved to the back of the carriage.

"John, good man, allow me. I have overpacked, I do not expect anyone else to carry the weight of my indecision".

This was a lie. In fact he had packed lightly, but the lie was an attempt to protect his pride. Before John could refuse, Edward had already lifted the trunk down from the carriage and laid it on the ground. A younger footman rushed forward to take the trunk and soon it was out of sight- leaving John looking more worn and older than before. Edward once again looked to Jane, for he too must have come to a realization of faithful John's age. Leah did not seem to notice, however, she stood talking to the cook, who was busy listing off potential meals to celebrate the Rochester's return. Eventually, everyone retreated once again into the house with the promise of dinner being a roasted chicken and all of Jane and Edward's favorite side dishes. With this prospect, the Rochester's retired to their room.


	53. Chapter 53

When they arrived at their bedroom the young footman was leaving, having just dropped off the trunks.

"Thank you, so much" Jane said, catching his as he abruptly left. He looked surprised as he spun awkwardly on the spot in order to face her once again. "We very much appreciate it".

"It is m'job, miss" he said, not unkindly. And with that, he was off around the corner and out of sight.

When Jane turned back to her husband he was standing looking at her smiling and shaking his head, his weight shifted easily to one hip. She tried to ignore him at first, but he did not change his amused pose as she made her way about the room, beginning to put things away. And so she turned on his roundly, trying to hide a grin.

"What is it?"

"You are so pretty"

"Stop it, I have told you before of the effects of flattery"

"I am quite serious"

"Then I suppose I should thank you-", a pause of apprehension, "-but I will not".

He chuckled and walked over to her, blocking her hands from searching through the trunk for things to put away.

"Come now, we do not need to rush in putting this away", he took her hands in his and guided her away from the trunk, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking up at her. "Lie down with me for a little while, for a rest".

"You tempt me" she said as he dropped her hands and pulled her close by her waist, burying his face in her stomach and kissing it softly. She moved his head back, running her fingers through his hair so that he was looking directly up at her, "- but I must not".

"Just for a little while, please. You look so tired"

"Exactly, I will fall asleep"

"Then I will wake you when the time comes".

Jane, having run out of arguments, climbed onto the bed beside him and lay on her stomach, closing her eyes and sighing deeply. He smiled, leaning over her and kissing her hip lightly. She tugged gently on his arm so that he knew to lay down with her too and within seconds was wrapped warmly in his arms, her back pressed into him comfortably.

"Now" he said lowly in her ear "that did not need to be the fuss that it was"

Jane grinned and looked out the opened window. Snow was now falling outside, large flakes which fell slowly to the earth. Jane beamed watching them, how beautiful- the first real snow of the year. Jane had always hated snow. At Lowood, it had been a signifier for less food to go around, colder hallways and entrapment within the school for many months on end. Even arriving at Thornfield the first winter she was there, it had seemed very cold and isolating there, which the snow added to dramatically. Without money for winter boots, or a cloak it had been impossible to leave the house. And yet Mr Rochesters arrival had seemed to soften that blow- not just soften, but transfix her completely away from her problems. But here, in this moment, Jane thought it would have been immensely unfair to dislike the snow for any reason. For the first time in her life, it could be an enjoyment, and not a barrier.

"How do you feel about snow?" Jane asked quietly.

He chuckled masculinely in her ear and paused thoughtfully. "It is beautiful to look out at when the world is covered in it, when it is low enough to ride a horse in, it is a softer ride and thus a better ride. I suppose it gives meaning to the summer, spring and fall. Without snows cool influence we would not know the keen pleasure of the warmth of summer, the flowers in the spring, or the fires of autumn".

Jane rolled over to face him, smiling warmly.

"That is quite the poetic answer" she said

"What can I say? I am the most romantic person I know".

Jane relayed to him her own experience of snow. As she told him he looked slightly sunken, and dejected.

"At times I forget your childhood, Jane. How it is a miracle you are here with me at all. To fear not having enough food, or risking a cold daily from no heat-"

"What do you think would have happened if I had perished without miracle's intervention at Lowood school? What would have become of Edward Fairfax Rochester?"

The answer was quick, and ready. "I would have continued my worldly travels, for a little while, and become increasingly more dissatisfied with them. Eventually I would have resolved to settle as an premature old man, and yet it would not have been at Thornfield, for too much of my soul was haunted there. And it would not have been Ferndean- there I am not sure what I would have done. I think I should have died a very old, and very unhappy man with so little love left for the world and the things within it".

"Your answer was ready for my question"

"Because not so very long ago, for a year, I was forced to live my own created reality".

Jane had not noticed her arm was laid over his arm and was rubbing his back, but he closed his eyes at certain moments when she moved a certain way and she could see that he enjoyed his intimate gesture- as he enjoyed all intimate gestures.

"What of you?" he asked, "What would have become of Jane Eyre?"

"Well, what I always expected for her. I only wanted a little money from a regular salary to build a small house where I could be comfortable, and content. I never ventured marriage- for I knew I neither had good looks or any fortune. I know that I would have eventually grown discontent in my sheltered life, but I would stop the thoughts and call them selfish seeing all I had been given, and that would have been the routine for the whole of my life".

"But surely Jane you would have married. Your brightness, your goodness, your loveliness could not be hidden for long. Who is to say you would not have reconnected with your cousins and married Rivers?".

"I can honestly say, I would never have married without deep love at its core. As I say, I wasn't expecting to marry, and so I would not have been disappointed in turning someone down that I did not love. In no life, under any circumstance, would I marry Rivers.".

Jane paused, looking at him and smiling.

"Besides, no man would have allowed my power as you have. No man would have treated me as an equal, or given me the right to my emotions and thoughts. No man would have submitted to my scolding, or tormenting as you have-" he smiled brightly

"I have said it before woman, you have a power over me which I cannot name, which makes me helpless in your presence".

"Good" Jane said, "You need to be dominated'

He grinned boyishly and ran his fingers across her shoulders, "Only by you".

Jane yawned widely and tried to force her eyes opened convincingly. Edward laughed, kissing her forehead.

"Sleep my darling! I promise I will be here to wake you. You are so stubborn to resist sleep".

She smoothed her thumb along his cheek, nodding knowingly.

. . .

Supper that night was a private affair. They ate late, long after the sun had retreated behind the clouds and so their dinner was illuminated by candlelight. At first when they arrived at the house the servants set their place settings at opposite ends of the table, out of custom of most married couples. But it was awkward and uncomfortable, and so after weeks of Jane moving her plate beside her husbands, the servants had finally begun placing them beside each other naturally.

After dinner, Edward left her in order to get a bath- but Jane walked around the house in it's darkness. It was unusually quiet. There was not another sound from any person, any door creaking, not even nature herself. All was eerily still, and Jane felt momentarily she was the only person alive in the world. It was an odd sensation, one that she had not felt in a very long time. But as she moved to the front of the house, looking out of the sitting room's wall of windows up at the stairs in the endless heavens, she knew it was not a bad feeling as it had once been. Here she could feel alone, but knowing that at any time she could walk upstairs, crawl into bed to find her husband laying there, waiting for her arrival to fall asleep, it was impossible to feel alone.


	54. Chapter 54

The next morning Edward was immediately swept into meetings after breakfast which held him for the whole of the morning. Jane took to repairing the edge of one of her dresses which had needed some attention for quite some time, for it had started to fray. The rip was significant, and, not being on the seam, Jane had much work to do in order to restore it without notice. Indeed, she was still working on it when the bedroom door opened and Edward entered without her notice. She was singing to herself, much more confidently then she would if she had known someone was present. It was a song with a beautiful melody, one which rang through her head whenever she heard it sung.

 _"Believe me if all those  
Endearing young charms  
Which I gaze on so fondly today  
Were to change by tomorrow  
And fleet in my arms,  
Like fairy gifts fading away  
Though would'st still be adored  
As this moment thou art  
Let thy loveliness fade as it will  
And around the dear ruin  
Each wish of my heart  
Would entwine itself  
Verdantly still"._

"You are singing my song!" Edward cried, happily.

Jane turned quickly, blushing deeply. It was indeed the song he sang to her very often. It was an old Irish folksong, no doubt appealing to him for the mention of the fairy ways and of enduring love. Jane was suddenly struck by the stark comparison between his voice being so light and soft as he sang, and her own blundering version.

"I have made the melody heavy handed and very unromantic"

He laughed, but quickly encouraged her,

"Of course you have not. Please, sing me the second verse"

She was about to say no, but he anticipated it and gave her an irresistible look of encouragement.

 _"It is not while beauty_  
 _And youth are thine own_  
 _And thy cheeks_  
 _Unprofaned by a tear_  
 _That the ferver and faith_  
 _Of a soul can be known_  
 _To which time will but_  
 _Make thee more dear"_

She paused, momentarily forgetting how the lyrics continued. When she looked to Edward for help he was beaming so wide she thought he may envelop the whole world in his happiness. Easily, he joined in, signing lightly so that it was primarily her voice that could be heard.

 _"No the heart that has truly loved_  
 _Never forgets_  
 _But as truly loves_  
 _On to the close_  
 _As the sunflower turns_  
 _On her god when he sets_  
 _The same look which_  
 _She'd turned when he rose"._

He was all pride and happiness and warmth as he smiled at her.

"I wish you would sing more often"

"I wish your singing voice was not far superior to mine, then perhaps we may be on the same playing field and I would not feel so self-conscious."

Jane had not noticed how his hands had closed around hers as he had settled before her.

"You talk nonsense, my darling. I think your voice is beautiful. And just now, I am in need of hearing it".

He kissed Jane's forehead as she watched him slide into the armchair beside her. She was ready to give some teasing remark, but in seeing his face, she stopped herself. Whatever meeting that had absorbed him most of the morning was not of the usual kind, for he never looked so thoughtful in leaving them. In then occurred to Jane that perhaps he was not in meetings all morning, but had remained in the study after the meeting, thinking.

"Tell me what it is" Jane entreated, warmly.

Without averting his gaze from the window his look softened a little and he sighed deeply.

"I was visited this morning by Mr Webb"

"The local magistrate?"

"Indeed"

"What ever for?"

"He came because he is retiring. I was told he was in ill health, which I fully believe based on his appearance. He told me that he was relieved when he found out I moved into the neighborhood, for he knew there would be someone to leave the job to..."

Jane paused, "Do you mean that he wishes you to take over the job of magistrate?"

"Indeed, he asked me to start immediately".

Jane repositioned herself in the armchair, turning her full body to face her husband.

"And what did you tell him?"

"That I would need some time, that I would need to speak to you first".

Jane knew little about the full role of the Magistrate's, but she did know that in the countryside Magistrate's were responsible for dealing with small levels of crime- theft, violence, and small civilian disputes. The job always seemed to belong to someone much older, and very established. Whether it was entrusted to someone with a strong sense of justice above someone with a large fortune, Jane highly doubted.

"And how do you feel regarding the offer?"

He rose suddenly and strode to the mantle of the fireplace where he rested his arm restlessly and gazed intently into the flames.

"I do not know how I feel, I never assumed I would be offered a position of such power. With you, I am happier than I deserve to be, and I am more than content with my life as it is. But I cannot help considering this has not fallen into my path by mistake, perhaps I am meant to accept this job. I do not wish to live a life as one who is rich, and idol. I am sure Mr Webb chose me because of my wealth, and though he wishes me to be feared because of it, I would like to be the opposite for it. God knows I am not a good man, Jane. But in this I believe I could be fair, or at least fairer than most".

"Of course you would be, and you would be wonderful at the job. It sounds like your mind is indeed made up"

He shook his head,

"No, I have an ultimately very important reason not to"

"What is that?"

"You, Jane. I do not know absolutely, but I am sure the job would require much time away from home".

Jane could not pretend like this would not be a blow. She did not want him away from home, away from her. But to limit him for her own personal pleasure would be more than selfish, and so with a forced smile she continued,

"You would not have to worry about that, I would be content with any arrangement so long as you were happy"

He grinned,

"You are an astonishingly bad liar, Jane Rochester. Besides, it is not you that I worry about. It is myself. I would not wish to be away from you for any extended amount of time- in truth even small amounts of time without you make me tedious and short-tempered".

He walked back to her and once again resumed the chair beside her, kissing her hand and sighing before continuing.

"Mr Webb and his associates have asked me to come to London tomorrow in order to review finer details of the roles and responsibilities of the position. I would have turned them down on account of not wanting to travel so far for a position I am sure I will turn down, but Adele arrives the following day and I think she would very much enjoy the surprise of me being there to take her home".

Jane smiled, "Of course she will! You must go".

"It will be two days"

"Two short days".

Jane felt uneasy about Edwards decision. If she had not been in the equation, he surely would have accepted. But she was in the equation, and he had turned it down for her sake. Her positive comment about two short days was perhaps her subtle way of trying to impart her support if he did choose to take the job- but it was feeble, and lacked heart.

. . .

The next morning Jane woke up feeling incredibly fulfilled. The small breeze which blew through the opened window fell upon her face, which was still flushed from the night of lovemaking. The rosy feeling in her cheeks was spread throughout her whole body, and she had no wish to ever leave the bed in which she lay. And yet she was alone, for no warm arms encircled her, and held her close. She rubbed her eyes and looked about the room. Sitting beside her on the bed was Edward, and he immediately answered her questioning look of what he was doing with a soft kiss.

"Shh, lie down my darling. I am sorry I woke you. It is still so early, and you can continue to sleep".

"You have an early departure then?"

He nodded, "Too early, I'm afraid".

Her fingers played lightly wish his, and she nodded.

"Of course, it is a long journey".

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers deeply. She pulled him closer, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck, as a small moan issued from her lips. The kiss broke with Edward laughing, smoothing the hair away from her face.

"I see that I leave you unsatisfied"

Jane shook her head grinning, "No, the issue is that you leave me too satisfied".

"Why do you torment me, woman" he asked, turbulently, pulling the blankets down so that he could kiss between her breasts and along her collarbone before drawing back and kissing her forehead.

"I best get ready".

He stood and walked to the closet to began dressing as the sun's first light began creeping through the window.


	55. Chapter 55

Thank you everyone for the patience. I have been so busy lately, and overrun with everything that I didn't want to scrap together a chapter so that it was only mediocre. From now on I will be posting more regularly. Thank you, so much, dear reader!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Mr Rochester was up, dressed, and ate a quick breakfast all before the sun had fully risen. Jane watched him as he moved about the room, falling in and out of light sleep as he did so, being woken up when he moved close to the bed or made a particularly loud movement. He kissed her goodbye, and was gone, leaving everything to fall into silence once more.

With him gone, Jane rose and dressed a little slower than she would have if he had stayed in bed. She washed her face in the water basin, the cool, refreshing water soothing her face which was still puffy with sleep. She glanced at herself briefly in the mirror; the almost see-through material of her nightgown showed that there were no longer any signs of her having ever been pregnant. As she lifted off her nightgown over her head she saw the dark purple stretch marks across her stomach that had at one time been the symbol of the growth of her child. She ran her fingers over them lightly and felt tears flood her eyes. Edward had been nothing but a support, and a great force of love and comfort, but he could not understand what she truly felt. The idea of being pregnant lingered in her flesh and blood, and she at times still felt the guilt of not being able to support the child that had been within her. The thought was painful, and she quickly brushed away the tears that fell down her face. She needed moments such as this- moments where she could grieve alone. Glancing at herself again she could see that her eyes were now puffy, and bloodshot, but on the whole she looked much healthier and happier than she had been in previous days. She once again took the basin and brought some water to her face.

Everything was perfectly silent in the house, there was the sound of nothing but her own hands dipping into the water. She deeply enjoyed the peace of the early morning alone- she always had. She went to the bathroom's window and peered out at the wakening world. The snow covered landscape was bathed in warm sunlight as it rose over the far away horizon. Jane thought it looked as warm as a summer day, though surely it was still very cold outside. She touched the pane of glass thoughtlessly and sighed deeply. What a beautiful morning.

In the days that Edward was gone, Jane was kept very busy around the house. Not only was it her first time ever watching a house- her house, be decorated for Christmas, but there was much more than she expected to be done for it. She was involved in everything; she strung popcorn on lines for the tree, wrapped boughs around the banister of the main staircase, watched great amounts of food come in and out of the house, all while being completely enamored by the entire process. The house was extremely vibrant in its attempts to prepare for Christmas, and the spirits of all within the house was touching. Jane was reminded however of something she had been putting in the back of her mind for quite some time- hoping it would go away. John was showing his age. He was no longer young, or strong, and he seemed to struggle with even the smallest activities. Jane could see that Leah stepped in at times and eased his load, but for the majority of the time he seemed to struggle with even the simplest of tasks. She took her time to think of how best to ease his responsibilities.

Jane received a letter from Edward on the second day of his absence. He said that the carriage had encountered some trouble on the way to town and to be sure they would be forced to stay in London longer than expected. Jane, in reading the letter, felt a small pang of regret she had not gone as her husband had wished. Part of her was uneasy whether he would decide to take the position of the magistrate or not, and she thought selfishly that if she was there, it may be a reminder for him that he did not need to take the job. Surely it would drain him, bringing out his impatient and at times, short character. It would not be good for him, Jane thought, and yet she had no right to restrain him from things he wished to do. She would support him, no matter his choice, as his friend and his wife. She shoved aside her selfish thoughts and returned to her task of wrapping bushels of holly berries with the servant girls in the kitchen.

Finally, five days after the carriages departure it came back over the drive, bringing all the servants to the front of the house and a very excited Jane. She did not realize the burden of being someone who liked to share with no one to communicate her thoughts to. The carriage had hardly stopped before the door flew opened and out came Adele, beaming as she ran towards Jane's opened arms.

"Ms Eyre, Ms Eyre!" she cried, hugging Jane tightly.

"Hello Adele, I am so happy to see you again".

Truly she was. Adele had been a wonderful student, and she had loved her dearly. Here she was again before her, and Jane could not be more pleased. In hugging her however, Jane could feel she was much thinner, and her clothes which before had been decadent and girly was reduced to a grey tunic with a simple lace collar. A glow of Adele's innocence was gone, and it was replaced with a more mature look- bags under her eyes, even.

Jane, feeling a little saddened forced a smile as she rubbed Adele's back.

"It was such a surprise to see Mr Rochester come- I do not think I have ever been so happy"

Jane looked up to see Edward around the back of the carriage, helping John lift the heavy trunks down onto the ground. Jane smiled, unable not to at the renewed sight of him.

"I am so glad! I am sure you must have been very surprised. But I am sure you are tired after a long journey. Will you not join me for lunch? You can tell me absolutely everything then"

"But of course, I have so much to tell you, so much to say! I hope that you and-"

"Come child" Leah called, taking Adele by the hand, "We will get you washed up and ready for lunch"

Adele looked back at Jane,

"I will come to your room in a moment" she promised. Adele nodded and continued on with Leah.

As she turned, Jane saw Edward beaming at her and she quickly rushed to him, being lifted into his arms.

"Hello my darling, my darling"

"Hello!" Jane said, closing her eyes as she hugged him.

He set her back down on the ground and kissed her cheek, her chin, her nose and forehead. Jane grinned as he brought her lips to his and kissed her sweetly.

"I've missed you" Jane said, interlocking her fingers with his.

"Perhaps you would not have missed me if you saw the person I was standing on the side of the road with a broken coach wheel and then stranded in London"'

Jane laughed, looking into his eyes,

"Do not tell me you were disagreeable?"

"Me? No, of course not!"

He kissed Jane's temple before putting his arm around her waist and walking them towards the door.

"My God how I've missed you. And now you've seen our Adele once again?"

"I have, and I fear I find her spirits depressed and her frame far too small"

"I wish I had better news for you Jane, but I regret to tell you there is much to be said about the school she currently resides in. I told her to take everything that belonged to her, for she cannot go back there- though she does not know yet".

Jane nodded at him slowly, smiling encouragingly.

"We shall work it out".

He rubbed her hand and smiled.

"Indeed. She will enjoy Christmas here, and from there we can help her".

"And for now..." Jane said, walking away from Edward, but still having her fingers wrapped in his, "I must go and see Adele in her room for a moment".

"No you must not, you must kiss me once before you go"

"I have already kissed you" Jane said, laughing

He smiled, "Then kiss me again, it has been a full five days"

"Well, in that case.."

He pulled her waist to him for one final kiss before she went into the house. She turned back to shake her head at him, smiling.


	56. Chapter 56

"Adele may I come in?" Jane asked, knocking softly on the door.

The door was wrenched opened and Adele smiled up at Jane.

"Of course"

She ran back into the room, leaving Jane grinning as she closed the door behind herself and stepped inside. Adele was still unpacking her suitcase, though its contents were small.

"I see you have a uniform at your new school" Jane said, commenting on the three other dresses identical to the one she was wearing. Adele nodded, folding the final one and laying them in a pile to one side.

"Indeed, we are all to look the same. We never wear anything else"

A slight pang to Jane's stomach.

"And what became of all your pretty dresses you once wore?"

"Most of them I left at Thornfield before the fire, and they were lost. The ones I look to school were taken from me".

Adele no longer sounded sad about losing her dresses, but Jane could tell in her voice that at one time she had been, and that feeling was now replaced with disappointment.

"Well, that will never do for our Christmas party",

Adele looked at Jane questioningly.

"What do you say if me and you take a trip into town tomorrow. We can find a dress there for the Christmas celebrations"

"Oh madam! How wonderful! Yes yes!", she threw her arms around Jane's neck and hugged her tightly. Jane smiled, kissing the top of Adele's head.

"Now, let us leave all this packing. I shall help you when we are finished lunch. You are too hungry, I am sure, for this right now".

And so, hand in hand they walked from the room, Adele telling Jane excitedly of how pleased she was to be home for Christmas.

. . .

Dinner was absolutely wonderful. The kitchen staff had prepared Adele's favourite meal which she ate heartily. She never stopped talking, owing, Jane thought, to the fact she wasn't aloud to speak during meals at her school, just the way Jane had not been able to talk during mealtimes at Lowood. This idea, however, had not occurred to Mr Rochester, for he looked increasingly more frustrated as she continued to talk.

"And then the carriage ride home, ah, it was wonderful. Mr Rochester was so funny, and I was so thrilled to see him"

"I am surprised, Adele, that you have found so much new information to tell me since that carriage ride only a few short hours ago"

Jane shot Edward a warning look, but Adele had not noticed the comment tied up in her own thoughts.

"Mr Rochester allowed me candies, and treats, and was very good to me when I said I ate too many and felt- oh! and I have learned many new songs, in french and in English. Perhaps after supper I could sing some for you, I am sure you will not object-"

"Adele, your supper will soon be cold" Mr Rochester said, and under his breath to Jane, "if it is not already like stone".

Jane kicked his leg lightly and he pulled back. There was the faintest trace of a grin on his face.

'You are right, I should eat. It has been so long since I have had a meal such as this".

"Adele, what kind of food do you eat at your school now?" Jane asked,

"Mostly porridge, pies, sometimes cabbage soup, and on very special occasions, perhaps twice a year we have chickens".

Jane nodded, glancing at her husband as Adele turned back to her meal, seemingly unphased by the sadness of her comment. He looked at her, taking her hand encouragingly.

"Well Adele, I am sure you have not had everything quite so good as Katie's pie, I know I certainly have not"

Adele smiled, "Mr Rochester, indeed you do have a sweet tooth afterall".

. . .

Later that night, Jane was drying her hair after getting a bath when her bedroom door opened and Edward entered, immediately looking for her inside the room. When his eyes fell upon her his searching face softened into a warm smile.

"Now" said Jane, wringing the water from her hair, "You must tell me everything I missed while you were away. I feel like I have hardly spoken to you all day".

"That is because we have not spoken today; Adele did not stop, though I know she is only excited. Still, if she continues on with puffed pastries my patience may wear thin", He paused, "No! They _will_ wear thin!".

"As you say", Jane warned, "She is simply excited".

Seeing Jane struggle with trying to undo the knot in her robe, Edward effortlessly walked to her and began working with the knot as he spoke again.

"Your goodness impedes my hardened ways. It will never do, so instead I will tell you of my encounters in town. I meet with the magistrate council, of course" he said, cautiously. "And what they put to me was a very good offer".

Jane's heart sunk a little. She thanked Edward briefly as the knot came undone and her robe opened. She began walking about the room looking for her night gown, an action she would not have done if she was not trying to avoid her husbands gaze.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, quite impossible to turn down, in fact"

Jane turned to him, nodding and mustering up a smile.

"Then I am happy that you will be content".

He advanced towards her, taking her hand warmly into his.

"It is, however, quite as impossible to turn down the position as it would be to accept it".

Jane looked at him, confused.

"I belong here with you. I belong in my home. How could I expect to live happily without you?. Perhaps one day when I am very old and very grey you shall want me to be gone, and I will need an activity to busy myself with, but for now, I cannot be separated from you".

Jane looked down at the floor, smiling slightly to herself before looking back up into his dark, telling eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him gently, feeling his hands press into her back and cradle her close.

"I would be lying to you if I said I was not happy with your decision".

He kissed her temple, speaking softly. "I know"

"But" she began, stopping quickly,

"But...?" he asked, pulling her reluctant eyes back to his own,

"But I do not want you to look back at this decision one day and think you made a mistake, or gave something up for me. I would never ask you to give up anything for me, surely you would grow to resent me"

"Resent you!" he exclaimed, "Jane, I can promise you that I could never grow to regret a decision that brought me closer to you. It is simply impossible".

Nodding slowly, she played with their interlocked fingers.

"Just so you know, I shall still want you when you are old and grey".

"Mm, is that so?"

"More then ever".

He kissed her lips sweetly before noticing her opened robe. He grinned, walked to the other end of the room and picked up her nightgown from a table close to the window.

"You always place it where you do not remember and then cannot find it"

Jane laughed as she took it from him.

"And you always misplace your cravat and cannot find it. Problem is that you are in no way systematic in where you leave things, and you are much messier than I am, and so I can never direct you to it".

His features glowed as a laugh played across his face- Jane knew he took such delight in being known so well by another person. The simple act of Jane knowing he often misplaced his things showed that someone else held his behaviours and activities close to them. The intimacy was something he had never known.

Jane didn't bother putting on her nightgown before slipping into bed, she was still warm enough from her bath and the fire had warmed the room comfortably. Edward looked at her as she pulled the blankets up around herself, closing her eyes.

"Are you tired, my darling?"

"No, not particularly. Just happy".

He crawled into bed, propping himself up on one arm over her. Jane traced her thumb over his lips.

"I am happy because my family is home. Because I wake up every morning immensely thankful to have a family, and a home and, right now, for everything feeling like it is exactly where it should be".

Edward kissed her forehead, lingering slightly before pulling back slowly and softly pressing his lips to Jane's. As the kiss deepened he pushed Jane's hair back away from her face. He grinned as she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, pulling them in deeper.

"How" he began, softly, "How could I ever have imagined that anything could be worth sacrificing a second with you"

Jane smiled, sighing happily. She let her fingers trace the scar on his forehead and around his eye.

"They are still grizzly marks" he said sharply.

She shook her head,

"No, they are not. Nothing of yours could ever be grizzly to me".

He brought her lips to his once again, his finger tracing up the inside of her thigh. She gasped lightly as his fingers trailed over her.

"Now, Ms. Rochester, I believe I owe you a debt I must repay"

"Indeed, you have kept me waiting for you for over almost a week"

"Then I shall keep you waiting no longer"

As Jane relaxed back in the pillows she felt his head between her legs, her hands gripped the sheets as she felt his soft lips move about her, causing an immediate reaction of her wanting to cry out in pleasure. But just as he begun there was a loud knock at the bedroom door and Jane looked up dizzily.

"No" he said, firmly, raising his hand to stop her. But seconds later the sharp noise of hammering was once again heard on the door and Edward pulled back from her.

"Dammit"

Jane could not help but giggle at her husbands raw frustration as he rose and pulled his robe around himself. She covered herself in the blankets, pulling them up around her face to stifle the laughter. He glanced at her before opening the door, shaking his head at her amusement. He opened the door only a crack, and Adele's voice filled the room.

"Oh Mr Rochester! Thank goodness! There is this horrible noise coming from my room, it is a horrible, wailing cry coming from the window. I think it cannot be right, it must be a ghost"

"Adele" he said, shifting his weight annoyed, "It is only the window. The room was cleaned before you came today, I am sure it was simply not closed all the way. Open it and close it again".

"Even if that is true, I am too upset to sleep. Where is Ms Eyre? She will not object to me sleeping with her"

"Jane is changing" he said quickly, "She cannot see you right now".

"Then why are you in the room?" she asked, innocently confused.

"Because Adele, we are married. Now, go back to your room and sleep! The sooner you fall asleep the sooner you will wake up to a big breakfast".

And with this, she was gone. Jane heard her little feet bolting down the hallway as Edward turned and closed the door. With his hand still on the knob, he looked at Jane who was grinning broadly.

"I do not know what I shall do with that child"

"Tell me something" Jane asked as he discarded his robe once again, "Who indeed changes in the middle of the night?"

"Hush, I had to think quickly" he said, crawling back over the bed. "Now, where were we?"

As his fingers pulled back the blankets from around Jane and traced the curves of her body the door was knocked on once again, though cautiously this time,

"Mr Rocheste-"

"ADELE GO TO SLEEP NOW!"

With the sound of echoing feet running through the hallway once more Jane was filled with uncontrollable laughter. Edward's face broke into a smile as he began laughing too. He dropped his head onto Jane's stomach before pulling up and shaking his head, defeated.

"I give up!" he cried.


	57. Chapter 57

Jane woke up for the first time in a week cuddled into Edwards chest. She opened her eyes slowly, closing them again in seeing him still peacefully sleeping. As a consequence, she fought with herself for quite some time before finally rising and slowly getting dressed. She had been so comfortable, and so content. It was one of those mornings where if she wanted to, she could have stayed in bed until noon. Edward did not stir as she disentangled herself from him, no doubt because he was back in his own bed. After she had dressed and done her hair she walked back to his side and climbed playfully on top of her husband, dropping her weight onto him and laying so that her head fell into the crook of his neck. He stirred now and turned to look at her confusedly.

"Good Morning Jane" he said, his voice thick with sleep.

"Good Morning Edward" she said, smiling at his childlike ways as he rubbed his eyes.

"I am going to go and help start a big breakfast for Adele. It is still very early, I doubt she will be up. But I did not want to leave without a kiss from you first".

"Well then, madam, I guess that I should kiss you"

He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to hers as his hand rubbed her lower back affectionately.

"Let me help you" he said, "I'll get up and help you".

"No, no" said Jane, "I will have trouble enough with being aloud into the kitchen to help. You sleep for a little longer. I'll see you downstairs".

"Okay" he said warmly, bringing his hand to her face and tracing her hairline with his thumb.

"You look so beautiful this morning"

"You say that every morning"

"That is because you are so beautiful every morning"

"Now i _know_ that you are lying"

He grinned at her as she stood up.

. . .

Despite the early hour of the morning when Jane went down into the kitchen, it did not take long for Adele to join her there. Like Jane, Adele had been accustomed to spending time in the servants corridor of a house and so was comfortable fluttering around the kitchen, talking among the servants.

"Miss Adele, I hear you are to go shopping today" Jenny grinned at Jane and then at Adele, kneading the dough in her hands with power and familiarity. Jane sat next to her, peeling apples for the pie that was to be prepared later on.

"Ah yes, Ms Eyre- Ms Rochester- Jane-"

The girls in the kitchen giggled as Jane laughed,

"Jane. Yes Adele?"

"What time will we leave? I cannot help but ask, I am so very excited".

"We can leave directly after breakfast"

"Where is Mr Rochester?"

"He is still in bed"

"We cannot eat until he has risen, do you think I could go up and-"

"Adele, you must have patience"

"Well, Mr Rochester does not understand how exciting a new dress can be".

The girls in the kitchen snigered and Jane smiled, yet tried to look seriously at Adele.

"Will you not help me Adele? I could use some assistance with these apples"

"Well" said Adele, springing out of her seat and walking towards the door, "I think I should go and see what books there are to read", and with that she was gone like a flash from the kitchen up over the stairs into the main house.

"Oh Jane" said Lindsey, "You are so wonderful with children, I can imagine you made a fine governess".

"Well, if I was it was because I worked very hard at it and I loved it a lot. Sometimes I even miss it"

The girls looked at each other, and Jane smiled,

"You must think me selfish, or ungrateful for grieving work that I do not have to do to make ends meet-"

"No Miss" said Jenny, kindly, "You are the very best mistress we could possible wish for, and Mr Rochester is the kindest master. You both are always so aware of our situation, sometimes it does not even feel like we are servants we have that many liberties. We have much free time to ourselves, our living corridors are bright, and airy and spacious, and I never fear the idea of approaching you if something were to arise".

"You see, I am, in places in my heart, still the Jane who was a servant and remembers all the disrespect servants expect to receive unjustly in their life. And so I cannot imagine being a mistress to someone else that is different from what I would have wanted in a mistress".

She paused, continuing thoughtfully.

"My life was not meant to be this way. God knows it is not what I imagined my world to be. I do not want to ever forget the people who continue on the path of life I was supposed to be on".

Jenny, Lindsey and Molly all looked at one another, and in turning back to Jane she could see that they were touched.

"It is easy, Jane, to not care for anyone. But we will always be indebted to you for your great compassion and consideration".

"You say that to me as you make my favourite, apple pie. How could you owe me a bigger debt than I now owe you"

As they laughed with one another Mr Rochester rounded the corner, smiling at them all.

"Good morning ladies" he said, "Jenny, Molly, Lindsey, I hope you are well".

Out of habit they curtsied awkwardly before pulling themselves out of it half way through and standing up straight.

"Good morning Mr Rochester, I am very well", they said in varying phrases.

"Jane I see you have been put to work"

She smiled, "Indeed, if I am only good for peeling apples then I will certainly peel apples".

He flashed her a meaningful look with his eyes that was full of love and admiration before turning to the other girls in the room.

"Molly, how is your father?" Mr Rochester asked thoughtfully, "I know he is unwell"

"My father is still ill, sir. Where I grew up, sir, and where he lives now has no doctor. His best hope for medical care is to travel to a neighbouring county and yet of course he cannot gather finds enough for it. For now, he remains at home with my sister and her husband".

He nodded, "I am very sorry to hear it. Ladies, I must take my leave of you, but I wished to say hello".

He turned to leave, but looked back, "I'm sorry, but Molly? Would you mind assisting me for a moment upstairs? I hate to take you away from your duties here, I know you are very busy".

"Of course sir"

. . .

Jane left only a minute after her husband and Molly had left the kitchen. In rounding the corner she heard them talking in lowered voices.

"Molly, your salary is for you. You worked hard for the money, and it must be yours. Please, it is not a large sum of money".

"Sir, it is too generous. I cannot just take it".

"Then, if you would prefer, I will deduct a little from your salary each month to pay it off, that way it is not generosity, it is just given to you in full now so that you may take care of your father. Please, I will hear no more protests, I know how he is important to you".

Jane could hear Molly's voice fill with tears.

"Thank you Mr. Rochester"

"Do not thank me. Now, shall I send the money express by horse? It will reach your home sooner that way".

A sniffled response was the answer.

"Okay. When you are ready you can bring me the address. Please, do not be upset. I look forward to hearing of his positive news".

Jane stepped out from around the corner, and Molly smiled weakly at her, trying hastily to wipe tears from her eyes.

"Molly, would you like to take a short walk, get some fresh air?" Jane asked kindly, taking her arm and rubbing it encouragingly. "I think in the kitchen things are taken care of, for now, and I know how hard it can be to work with a cloudy head. I always find a walk does me much good".

"I would appreciate that, ma'am, very much. Thank you".

Molly left, looking exceptionally lighter and happier. She was wiping tears from her eyes still as she descended back downstairs, no doubt to grab her cloak and winter boots. Jane turned back to her husband, taking his hand.

"Why are you such an exceptional person?"

"A better question would be why am I such an exceptionally rich person. It is only right, with the money that we have to do some small amount of good where we can".

Jane looked down at his fingers which were playing with hers instinctively.

"The fact that you view life in that way makes you an exceptional person, Edward Rochester".

"It is you that has softened me, witch", he kissed her nose. "I am slowly losing my ability to be hard and cruel and grumpy and stern- especially if it is at the risk of losing you".

Jane pulled him closer to her with a light tug as his lips pressed against her temple.

"Come" he said, "Let us find Adele'.

"Wait" Jane said, stopping him.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing. I just love you".

"Mmm" he said, pulling her mouth to his. "I love you too".


	58. Chapter 58

Jane and Adele were waved off by Mr Rochester as they started their journey towards town. Jane would have suggested a walk, but it was too cold and the ground too frozen. She remembered that Adele enjoyed a walk, and seemed to talk most openly and honestly when she was doing so. And yet, the conversation towards town was more mature than Jane initially suspected. Adele had thoughtfully asked her what her life was like away from Thornfield in the year she had left.

"So, you fled because you did not wish to be lied to?" Adele asked, sadly.

Jane paused before she answered, it was the first time someone had asked her the question so directly. And yet, she did not wish to lie, especially to Adele, for she was part of her family and had every right to know. Jane had thought for so long that Adele turned her gaze out of the carriage window, seemingly deciding that her question would not be answered.

"No, I did not wish to be lied to. But, more importantly, I could not marry without trust. And Mr Rochester, in those times, could not trust me in the way he should have. You will learn as a woman, Adele, that many men will try and make you believe that your thoughts and feelings do not matter as much as they do- and you must promise me to resist every single you are faced with that".

"Of course Miss Eyre, you have shown me how to do it'.

Adele did not understand how profound her words were, but Jane could not stop her thoughts from running over the power of her words.

"You have shown me", Jane thought.

. . .

It was still quite early in town, and yet the bustle of midday was already occurring. Men and women flooded the streets, people traded across crowds and spun fabric far out into the streets. There was no amount of life like that in town. As Jane glanced at Adele, who seemed to be unphased by the variety of life, it occurred to her that perhaps Adele was much more comfortable with city life then even she was. She had, after all, grown up in Paris, and though Jane had never been there herself, she imagined it to be the very epitome of city life. In casually asking her if she liked town, Adele smiled at Jane.

"Oh yes Ms. Eyre, very, very much. It reminds me of my childhood in Paris".

Jane smiled, "You know Adele, you need not call me Ms. Eyre anymore. I am no longer your teacher"

"Would you prefer then?, Ms Rochester?"

She shook her head, "No, you may call me Jane, if you like. That is what friends call each other, is it not?"

The look on Adele's face was quite new. It was a look of maturity, a look of happiness and pride. Perhaps she had never had a mature friend, and perhaps she had never had a friend like she expected to find in Jane.

"Of course, Jane", she added, unable to contain her smile.

They entered the fabric store first, Adele's brimming excitement not allowing for any other option. The men in the fabric shop had become increasingly more friendly to Jane in the last little while since they learned of her substantial wealth, and yet Jane paid this extra attention no mind. She could not imagine pretending to respect someone who treated people with little money like secondary human beings. For that had been Jane, for so long.

Jane and Adele joined the line of women who stood before them, Adele scanning the shop excitingly.

"What colour do you think I should get? And what style? For if I choose to have puff sleeves we will need extra fabric"

Jane shook her head, "Adele, you do not need puff sleeves"

"Oh but I do, it is the latest fashion"

"Well there you may have me Adele, for I know nothing of the latest fashion".

"And yet, you dress much better now, and look far more beautiful then when you wore your heavy grey dresses to my schoolroom"

Jane shot her a sideways look, "It was practical, Adele. And besides, there was no one for me to impress"

Adele raised her eyebrow at Jane in an exaggerated way and she grinned.

"I wasn't intended to impress anyone", she corrected herself.

The owner of the shop saw Jane and Adele in the back of the line and awkwardly shuffled from around the counter.

"Ms Rochester, always a pleasure, always a pleasure".

He pushed his small and plump face towards Jane's, smiling awkwardly with a great lack of genuineness.

"Good morning" Jane replied, politely.

"Ms Rochester" he said, leaning towards her, but speaking just as loudly- she stepped back uncomfortably. "Please, come to the front of the line, you do not need to stand with all these people".

"No thank you" she said firmly, stepping away from him and holding her ground. "We shall do very well to wait our turn".

The women standing in front of Jane had hushed their conversation and half looked back at her, ready for her to leave the line and no doubt complain to one another about her inconsideration when she had gone. Yet at hearing her resolve the looked at one another, their faces softening, and quickly they returned to their conversation. The owner of the shop had once again bustled off back to the counter and resumed his duties there, looking disgruntled.

Suddenly,there was a loud explosion outside and the sound of close gunshots. Everything went very quiet. And then there was screaming, and orange flames rolled through the streets. Adele looked to Jane, her eyes wide with fear. The shop owner rushed to the door and looked out, his face suddenly filling with panic.

"Good god, they are blowing carriages, the fire!"

As the group in the shop began to panic, Jane took Adele's hand firmly and looked her in the eyes. "Adele, do not let go of me. We need to get out of here, now".

Jane pushed opened the shop door, and immediately was meet with smoke, fire and the smell of gunpowder. Barrels, wheels, and wood were on fire, and carriages consumed in flames were in the streets . People were screaming and crying, calling out for people and pouring from shops. Jane turned to her side and saw that the building next to the fabric shop was on fire. She wrenched the door back opened and cried out for people to move, that this building would soon be engulfed in flames and there was the rush of people from the shop, pouring into the thickening streets. Jane could see strange men, unfamiliar men walking into the town bank, armed. She had breathed in smoke, and coughed furiously as Adele cupped her mouth.

Wordlessly, Jane pulled Adele along, running towards the end of town, towards home. If only they could get out of the city, then Jane could stop and check on Adele, then she could process what had happened. But there were too many people, and too much confusion to make it very far. In the distance Jane could hear horses, men and then the firing of guns. Starting to panic, and unable to see what was coming, she pulled herself and Adele into a narrow alley between two houses and peered out from around the corner.

"Jane I am so afraid, what is happening?"

"I do no know, Adele. But stay close to me and we shall be okay".

As the sound of horses came closer and the riders came into view, Jane was filled with relief and great horror as she saw a group of men riding towards the city, armed, aiming at the group of strange men now herding people in the streets with their guns, telling them to get out of the way. Mr Rochester came into view first, his face stricken with fear and panic-his impressive horseman skills allowing him to head the group with Mr Eshton, the latter looking sickened and grave.

"EDWARD!" Jane called.

His head immediately turned to the source of the sound in just enough time so that him and Mr Eshton broke away from the group that continued to ride towards the centre of town. Gunshots sounded at an increased rate as Mr Eshton pulled up short in front of Jane, who quickly hoisted Adele onto his horse.

"It's okay miss Adele, we shall be home before you know it" he said encouragingly.

Jane felt a strong hand grab her arm and pull her up onto the horse. Mr Rochester's arm secured itself around Jane's waist and without another moment lost they were off, tearing away from the site. As they quickly rode, Jane saw the flashes of other men on horses headed in the opposite direction, no doubt looking for their own loved ones. Jane said a silent prayer that all was well, that no one was injured, and that the only damages would be to buildings, and not to people.

"Edward" Jane said, squeezing the hand that secured her waist against him, suddenly returning to her senses, "How did you know to come?" . She knew her voice sounded shaky, and she coughed viciously.

He squeezed her hand back reassuringly, talking into her ear. "You are safe now, Adele is safe too. We will be home soon".


	59. Chapter 59

When they arrived back at their home there was a great many worried-looking servants outside.

"It is alright" Jane said as they stopped before them, "We are fine".

Edward dismounted quickly in order to help lift Jane from the horse. He took her into him closely and then took Adele with his other arm to him.

"Eshton, thank you" Mr Rochester said, nodding to his friend. Jane looked thankfully at him too as he tipped his hat to them.

"I am at your service".

As they entered the house servants flooded to them, for until Jane properly looked at Adele she did not notice how dirty they both were, and how dishevelled they looked. There was dirt streaked over her white dress, on her face and even in her hair. Jane quickly said that she would assist Adele, clearing the crowd as she and Mr Rochester went upstairs with Adele.

. . .

Adele had been shaken by the event, but after getting cleaned up, and some genuine consoling conversation, she was almost fully herself once more, asking Mr Rochester to take her outside for a walk around the gardens to show her the different trees there.

"Later, Adele. You see that you are all cleaned up and yet Jane is not. I must make sure she is quite as clean as you are now"

Adele nodded "Of course, I shall play with Leah".

And with that, she descended the staircase, turning back to Jane.

"Thank you, for saving me".

Jane smiled sadly, putting on a bravely confident voice, "Do not be foolish Adele, you were in no danger with me".

When she had rounded the corner of the staircase, and the sound of her footsteps running down the steps were gone, Jane walked into her bedroom, wasting no time in quickly shedding the dirty clothes she had on. It was a way to try and push back all the emotions she was trying desperately to suppress . As she pulled on her robe and tied it around her waist she walked over to Edward and hugged him from behind. It was involuntary and she could not help it; The reality of what could have happened that afternoon washed over her and she was more thankful than ever to feel him and touch him. He looked at her over his shoulder ,surprised, and turned her around so that she leaned into his chest, her hands covering her face.

"Jane" he said meaningfully, "I am so sorry".

She felt a hot flood of tears rise to her eyes, desperately fighting to push them back. But she could not hide from him, and he gently guided her face to his, seeing her emotional tears.

"I do not know why I am crying" Jane said, her face cracking into a brief smile before wiping her eyes.

"Jane! Of course you are upset, it must have been terrifying", his gentle hands brushed loose stands of hair away from her face without even thinking of it. The look of concern and love which radiated from his look begged for her to share how she felt with him.

"It was. But it is over now, and we are safe. I guess it was just such a shock, and it all happened so quickly, I hardly had time to think. And then to imagine what could have happened-.

Edward's gentle thumb wiped away her newly fallen tears and he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"You mustn't say those things. You are my whole heart, and I cannot live without my heart. We are here, now, in each others arms. Adele is safe with Leah downstairs. That is what matters".

She nodded knowingly, yet did not loosen her grip on her husband. He held her close, cradling her in his arms.

. . .

Jane scrubbed herself clean in the drawn bath as Edward sat beside her, explaining how the events of the morning had unfolded.

"Eshton came over shortly after you left, and brought with him the news that he passed the carriage that was ordered to carry money to the bank in town on his way over to the house. I thought this was rather odd as it is not meant to be common knowledge. It was something I knew only from having been in London while meeting with the local magistrate. Then as we sat here talking over a drink I remembered that yesterday there was an understanding that a group of bandits on the edge of the country, which is also odd because there are much wealthier counties, arguably more desirable to raid not very far away. Thus it only made sense they had been tipped off that the carriage was passing through. I had an uneasy feeling, and Eshton agreed it would be best to ride into town, if for nothing else than to be at ease knowing all was well. But we were then informed by John as we saddled our horses that these bandits had been spotted riding into town and so we took off with mighty speed".

"But the other men who rode with you?"

"Same intuition, I suppose. Or perhaps by this time they had simply learned the situation. We certainly did not have the time to rally any supporters".

Jane nodded, sinking beneath the water and wetting her hair. Coming back up to the surface she looked at her husband.

"It is just so unfortunate such a senseless act happened, it was so meaningless. Those men that tore through caused such damage and harm. And yet they will ride off, never to think of this place again or the people they hurt".

Edward nodded, sighing deeply.

"Unfortunately that is the nature of crime such as this. Tomorrow we shall be able to see the full extent of the damage. There is no telling how far those fires spread".

Jane shook her head, leaning back against the tub and running the bar of soap through her hair.

"This is no so very uncommon in cities. Within the walls of Lowood or Thornfield you were not liked to be exposed to such things, but when I lived abroad in many different cities it was in fact quite common. And yet, I know you better than to believe your compassionate heart can simply turn off your care. I only ask you do not burden yourself. It is your blessing and your curse to care so deeply".

Jane looked at him, his smiling face observed her thoughtfully.

"Is there no end to how much I love you?"

"You can love me by handing me my towel", she said, pointing to the table where she had placed it.

He walked over to where she had indicated as she stood from the tub in anticipation. When he turned around again he looked at her and she covered her breasts.

"What is it that you are doing?"

"Waiting for my towel"

"No, no. You covered yourself up when I turned around, why is that?"

"I am...cold" she said, unconvincingly.

He stepped in front of her, smiling in disbelief.

"I cannot believe it. My own wife covering herself from me"

Jane could not hide the grin which spread over her face.

"You were taking your good time walking back to give me the towel so that you could look at me".

"And what is wrong with that?" he asked, leaning in to kiss her. Jane dodged the kiss and slipped the towel out from underneath his arm, quickly covering herself with it. She walked into the bedroom without glancing back, but anticipated the moment he would confront her. The moment came almost instantly. He swept her into his arms and sat her on the window ledge by their bed, which was at his waists height.

"Now listen here, Ms Rochester" he teased, "I am afraid such will not do".

"No?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer to her.

He intoxicated her with his kiss. As he pulled her deeper into himself she could feel her hips involuntarily thrust into him. He smiled through the kiss in feeling this, knowing that he had conquered her ability to resist him through teasing. Jane felt his hand run up her leg slowly until his thumb was touching her centre of pleasure. She gasped as he began to make small circular motions and soon found she could no longer kiss him. She pressed her face into his shoulder, feeling a pressure expand in her stomach. She gasped sharply, pressing her cheek to his. He bent his face, sucking her neck playfully. Her towel fell helplessly from around her as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Edward" she breathed

"Yes my darling" he said, kissing her jaw.

"Please take me, I need you".

He pulled back to look at her, love radiating from every atom of his being. She pulled his lips to hers as he lifted her from the windowsill onto their nearby bed. She lay before him, her arms behind her head. How much she loved him in that moment. He moved over her, discarding his layers of clothing with her help until he was left in only his shirt. He climbed over her, kissing her with more passion and attention.

She pushed her head back into the pillow as his lips closed around her peaked nipple, her back arched and she could feel warmth and comfort pulse through her body. She held the back of his head with her hands and breathed heavily. She reached for his shirt and with one swift movement was able to pull it off over his head. He smiled down at her, moving to the other nipple. He watched her intently as she tossed and turned in pleasure, gripping the blankets of the bed, or him. Her lips attempted to feebly kiss him, but she was too overwhelmed in her own feeling to achieve this. As he moved down further, his lips parting her most intimate area she cried out in pleasure. This was bliss, this was ultimate love. Laying there after taking as much pleasure as she could, Jane sat up, straddling him, placing her hands on Edwards chest and beginning her own trail of kisses along his firm stomach and shoulders. A low groan issued from him as Jane moved- for as much as he had learned to master her, she had mastered him too. He gripped the back of her hair lightly, learning into her touches and kisses.

"Jane, no, you must not. This is meant to be for you, not for me".

"There is no pleasure for me without you feeling the same" she assured him. He skillfully inserted his finger into her at these words, she knew that she had evoked something deep within him. She moaned helplessly, pulling back from the kisses she was planting along his collarbone.

"To touch you is for me to be pleasured, Jane. My pleasure is in yours"

His finger stroked inside of her in the most overwhelming way, and her argument was overruled. He grinned at her, how much she needed him, the power he had over her.

"I am yours, fully. Do with me what you will" he promised her.

"I just need you"

Jane was gathered to his arms for a deep and passionate kiss before she pushed him back into the bed gently. He lay on his back, looking up at her as she kissed every inch of him. His eyes rolled back in his head, he groaned deeply. She could feel her own desire building with each movement, each sound. How much she longed for him. She climbed a top him, inserting him into her in a unified sound of pleasure between them both. As she began to rock back and forth she looked into his eyes when she could, other times they were forced shut. He held her hips, helping guide them deeper into him. He kissed her lower stomach lovingly. When it had reached an unbearable amount of pleasure, Edward skillfully flipped Jane onto her back and moved atop her. As he moved inside her he heard her characteristic deep moan of happiness. He planted soft kisses along her neck as he started moving slowly, but she wanted more and indicated a faster movement for him. When he had obliged her, she fell back into the pillows again, feeling him fully rush over her like a wave over a shore. In one final extended exclamation of happiness, her world spun and she could feel nothing else but him.

She was indescribably happy.


	60. Chapter 60

Jane lay, her back pressed into her husband, his arms wrapped around her, holding her close.

"Jane, I have a question"

"Mhm?"

"Why did you cover yourself up when you stood from the bath?"

Jane paused, there was a sadness in his voice she did not expect. She turned over to face him, looking at him intently.

"I just-" he stopped himself and sighed before talking again, "I cannot bare the thought of me making you feel self-conscious and weary in my presence-"

"Edward, no." Jane assured him, running her fingers though his hair affectionately, "No".

"Then what?"

"I was merely teasing you. You were watching me at length and so I decided to tease you a little by covering what you were gawking at. If anything, you have given me the greatest gift of being honest and opened with the desire I have for you. I am not ashamed, and I am not restrained like so many other women are. You have never made me feel like my want of you is wrong, or unfeminine or unnatural. It was the one thing I was worried about in marrying you- I wanted you so desperately before, though in those days I did not even know what that meant. But I was scared of revolting you with the love I felt, even for a man as passionate as yourself".

"Jane, my darling, wherever did you attain this notion?" he asked, viewing her confusedly.

"Every women that has spoken to me on the subject. They seemed so distant from their husbands, I was worried what I felt for you was not right and once we were married it would shock you, and you wouldn't be able to view me in the same way".

"This is the case for some couples, I am sure, because they feel nothing true towards one another. For me alone, it is all I could ask for. To know that my wife still loves me, and wants me- that I am enough for her...There is no greater happiness than that".

Jane's eyes never left his, she stared into them, dark and deep as they were and nodded peacefully.

"Do you remember, the morning after our wedding you asked me if it would always feel that way, if laying together would always feel so good?"

Jane nodded, "You told me it would get better, and it has. Every time."

He kissed her lips deeply, loving her with every ounce of his being. She shivered under him, for it was cold in the room, despite the roaring fire. Edward broke the kiss to retrieve his robe from the floor beside the bed and wrap it around Jane. She looked on heart was filled that moment with so many things.

"That night, I entrusted you with my soul, and there has never been a safer keeper".

His face glowed with warmth as he looked upon her,

"Jane Rochester. I do not know how I could live without you".

She kissed his temple and turned her head to look out of the window.

"Edward, we just made love in the middle of the afternoon"

"Yes" he said, pridefully, "And I would do it again in an instant".

Jane grinned at him, trying to appear serious, "I know you would".

He smiled sweetly and lay back down next to her, allowing her to once again cuddle into him.

"Should I cancel tonight?"

Jane pushed her palm into her forehead, "Oh tonight! I forgot".

"It would be no problem! I can just tell the Eshton's that after the events of today-"

"No, no, I simply forgot. I do not want to disappoint anyone. I would love to see them".

"Alright then" he said, looking boyishly at her,"Then again, I could cancel and we could stay here all day.."

Jane laughed, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

. . .

Mr and Ms Eshton arrived for dinner at six o'clock. Adele stayed close to Jane, excited to meet the company. Anne rushed towards Jane with much excitement, taking her hand and telling her how much she had missed her company in the weeks they had not seen each other. Jane greeted her with equal enthusiasm,

"And who is this?" Anne asked, smiling kindly at Adele

"Ms Eshton, this is our Adele" Mr Rochester said,stepping behind Adele, "We are lucky enough to have her here with us for Christmas".

"Adele, it is very nice to meet your acquaintance. You look quite beautiful tonight". Adele blushed, looking at Jane before turning back to Anne.

"Thank you, you look lovely as well".

"Adele has already eaten, for she was too hungry to wait. But she hopes that you will allow her to talk with us after dinner. I fear I have told her all too much about your wonderful fashion and she is quite intrigued".

Anne laughed, "But of course. I should love that".

"That is our Que Edward, the ladies do not desire our opinions of fashion"

"I would not say that Mr Eshton, I am sure you have many enlightening things to say on the subject" Jane said, and Eshton smiled.

"You have caught me. And yet, I cannot be over-shone on the subject Ms Rochester, which I'm sure you would do to me. If Rochester would be kind enough to offer me a drink I could make a dignified escape".

"Come then Eshton, we may keep your dignity in tact yet. Ladies, we shall see you soon" Rochester said, glancing kindly to Anne and Jane before heading for his study with Eshton.

Adele ran off with Leah to help finish supper for the Adults and so it was just the women left, who moved easily into the sitting room, informing each other of all they had missed since seeing each other last.

"Jane", Anne started slowly, "I was so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I cannot imagine how horrible it must have been for you. I am sorry if I speak unjustly, if I am crossing bounderies I am not meant to cross-"

"No, Anne" Jane assured her, "You are free to speak of whatever you wish with me, we are good friends. It was horrible, it was absolutely heartbreaking. I cannot describe to you the pain I felt, and admittedly still feel in some rare moments. But, Edward is more than a support to me, he has been so comforting".

Anne smiled and looked down at her folded hands.

"Mr Eshton has hardly spoken to me these last weeks".

When Jane looked sadly at her she seemed to gain some courage and continued, "He has been so busy with his work that when he comes home he only wants time to decompress and relax. I understand that, he works so hard. Yet, he has spoken recently of wanting a son, which, given our current situation, is hard to attempt. It has made me only a little stressed, but then I am reminded of his kindness to me, and the freedom I am given in comparison to some women and I feel more at ease. It is just, well, hard".

Jane nodded, taking Anne's hand.

"It must feel like a lot of pressure, and with no ways to resolve it"

Anne nodded enthusiastically, "That is exactly it".

"And have you spoken to him?"

"Yes. He said when he is not as busy, we can talk about it then. And I believe we shall, that time just hasn't come yet".

"Anne, we know him to be a good man. Perhaps he is not aware of how pressing your feelings are. You must mention it to him again".

"You are right Jane, but there is little point in it. If his mind is in work, it hears nothing else. I shall be patient and wait".

"If you think that is best" Jane said, nodding.

Anne's smiled softly and looked at her friend.

"Jane, you are in an unusual situation. Mr Rochester, it seems, is far better to you then most husbands are to their wives- my Mr Eshton is as well. Mr Rochester just happens to be an exceptional case. I cannot hold Mr Eshton's involvement with work against him, I have learned to accept it, and be happy with it".

Jane nodded, smiling.

"Do you know what he is working on now?"

"Something regarding creation of similar looks in siblings. To me, the answer seems simple. If you come from the same parents you are likely to appear like one another, and yet he believes there is more to it".

"I always loved biology. I think what he is studying must be very interesting".

She laughed, "Jane you are quite the amazing women. I cannot claim the same of my interest, but yes, I am sure it is very important work. Where did you gain an interest in science?"

At the moment, dinner was announced and their conversation was carried back into the hallway and towards the dining room.

"I believe I have always had a fundamental interest in it. When I lived with my aunt she had a great collection of books I read often. When I moved to Lowood that changed, and suddenly we were no longer encouraged to read new sciences. It wasn't until i went to Thornfield and encountered a once again extensive library of scientific books that my interest could once again be fuelled-".

Jane looked up and saw Edward and Eshton standing in the doorway, stopping their conversation as she and Anne approached.

"It also helped I had someone around who was all too willing to share his extensive knowledge with me".

"Nonsense, I never told you anything you did not already know- she is that well read you know" he said, looking proudly to Jane.

Anne smiled, looking between Jane and Edward until Eshton spoke.

"Anne is well read only in fashions, of which no one is her equal, and retains all local gossip someone could want to know".

Jane watched Anne's face drop ever so slightly before she smiled, not totally convincingly.

"It is a woman's job. How else would you know half of what you know without my keen skills of observation?"

"You are quite right my dear".

Jane took Edward's arm, closely followed by the Eshton's as they went into the dining room, hungry, and full of conversation.


	61. Chapter 61

The conversational dynamic during dinner was an odd one that night. In fact, when Jane thought of it, the four of them had spent virtually no time together, it had mostly been brief exchanges in hello's and goodbye's, but no extended conversation. Edward and Mr Eshton were natural and easy friends through their shared intelligence and curiosity for the world. Jane, who shared similar interests and curiosities could keep up in conversation well through her remarks and her questions. For poor Anne, however, it was not so easy. She could not enter into conversations already occurring with ease, and often became bored by what was happening around her. When there was a lull in conversation, she asked questions which were answered, but never could lead to a fuller conversation. Jane and Edward often spoke up to encourage her voice, and yet her husbands lack of interest seemed to deject her further. Edward asked Anne questions he hoped would draw her out, and with luck he did. When she did open up she was absolutely lovely to talk to, and the genuine interest that came from everyone as she spoke made her bloom with happiness. The conclusion being her inability to converse was the result of a lack of self-confidence, and not of material.

Jane watched Eshton as his wife spoke, and she could see the love he had for her. He was entertained in seeing her unfold, and Jane imagined it was close to what attracted him to her when they first met. But she knew that marriage often encouraged security in people that made them submissive, placing people into routines which could dull their thoughts overtime. It made Jane sad; to be married, and attached to someone only through fleeting reminders of why you liked someone in the first place was a painfully isolating thought. Although some people may claim to enjoy the detached but comfortable arrangement of marriage, Jane did not believe that in the deepest and most private spaces of their hearts they did not grieve for what could have been.

As Jane looked at Edward she smiled. He was an absolutely wonderful conversationalist. He was so full of life and so full of energy that it was impossible not to be drawn to him. He was an encouraging listener with guests, far more than Jane imagined him to be before she married him. Where he had teased Jane, and prompted her to engage with him fully and unreservedly, with guests she had noticed a fair scepticism in his manner. Perhaps it was because the company she often saw him with was those he did not like. Now when speaking with others Jane noticed his acute awareness of manners in order to make someone feel comfortable. Often times she had realised in conversation he knew far more about a subject then the speaker, but not wanting to appear rude he joined in equally with them, adding to it his own knowledge. He turned to Jane, looking away quickly, but turning back to her in seeing the look on her face. He smiled at her warmly, and she at him as Anne and Mr Eshton exchanged some words between themselves.

"Hello darling" he mouthed,

"Hello" Jane mouthed back.

They looked at one another until Anne turned back to Jane enthusiastically.

"Mr Eshton and I are throwing a Christmas ball this year at our house. You will of course be coming, will you not?"

Jane blushed deeply, "I have never been to a ball before"

"Then you must come! Think of all the fun we will have. Adele may come too, there will be other children there and I think she will enjoy their company. They must come, mustn't they, Mr Eshton?"

"But of course, Edward is the finest dancer and is sure to outshine us all"

"I am afraid I am out of practice"

"As if. No, the matter is quite settled. You two shall be our prime guests. Just give your word"

"Yes of course, we shall be there" Edward said, graciously.

. . .

"Yes of course? Edward! What would make you say such a thing?"

"Jane, I do not understand-" he began, Jane undoing her dress with unnecessary force and throwing it over the armchair in their bedroom.

"Edward, I have never been to a ball. Half the county is showing up, and all it will be for me is embarrassing and uncomfortable. I do not know why you agreed to it in front of them".

"How rude would it have looked if I refused?"

"You did not need to refuse on the spot, you could have made up something about scheduling and conflict later on-"

"Jane Rochester promoting lying, I do not believe it"

Jane stripped to her nightdress before walking to the mirror and sitting down, letting down her hair and brushing it through with the comb before her.

"You were born into this world Edward, and I was not. You forget that"

"I do not forget it. It is because of that that I accepted in the first place!".

Jane spun around, laying the brush down and looking at him. He too was undressing with some ferocity.

"Jane, I did not forget you would be ill-equipped for the ball and agreed to our invitation blindly. You will have me. I am all too aware of custom, and dances, and manners which occur, and I can show you. I had no doubt of you learning, for you are smart. I would never abandon you!".

Jane shot him a look as she climbed into bed, her back against the headboard, her arms crossed.

"Not only would you have me, but I would also have you there Jane- for i would never agree to go alone to this, and I would be proud to have you on my arm"

"As your thing to parade around and show off?"

"As my wife!"

"As your _wife_ you should have cared enough about me to ask" she threw back at him.

As Edward blew out the candles and climbed into bed they turned away from each other decidedly.

It was a horrible quietness in the room. Jane wanted to cry. The argument had been her fault, she knew it was rooted in her own insecurity about the world marriage had brought her into. Her husband had done nothing wrong. He had been right- he was only being polite. It was not like he could have refused them at the table, and Jane would not have refused them at all. It had been her fault and she could not fall asleep like this. She sat up, looked momentarily at the door and turned to Edward who was staring wide-eyed at the bookshelf across from the bed.

"Edward, I cannot lay beside you knowing you are mad at me. Please, will you hear me?"

Her voice was soft, and filled with sadness. He turned over in bed to face her and she took his hand. She half expected him to pull his hand away, and yet he did not. There was a comforting warmth in his touch. He sat up next to her, taking her other hand in his as well.

"I did not mean to treat you thus, I was feeling self conscious in not knowing the customs i would have to exercise at the ball. It was my fault. I know in my heart that you would never abandon me, and that i could rely on you. I do not know what came over me. Please, forgive me".

Edward shook his head softly and caressed Jane's hand with his thumb.

"Jane, it is me that you must forgive. It was not right of me to accept the invitation- to accept anything, without your agreement. We are married, and I do not want to make you feel as if I must control decisions, or that we are not equals. i also knew that this would be a foreign experience for you and you may be apprehensive for it, yet that did not stop me from agreeing".

Jane looked down at their intertwined hands and then back up at him.

"I want to go with you. i want to be there as your wife. I just do not want to do it alone".

"You will not be alone, you have me, always. I only want to do such things together from now on. Please know that".

He rubbed her back naturally, and she felt a great weight lifted from her.

"Did we just have our first fight?"

Edward smiled slightly, somewhat confused.

"I guess that we did. But why keep track of that?".

"Because it was easy to resolve. I was willing to be honest with you, and you were equally honest with me, and we heard each other".

"That is because lying cannot sustain relationships, which we well know. I promised to never do it again"

Jane looked at him, nodding.

"If I hadn't spoken first, would you have spoken to me eventually?"

He lay back down on the bed, closing his eyes and nodding.

"I could never fall asleep next to you knowing you were upset with me. It would have eaten away to my hearts core. I was just building up the courage to say something".

Jane lay back beside him, this time resting her head on his chest and her hand on his stomach.

"Tomorrow, if it is suitable for you, I can teach you a dance- One dance that we will dance so perfectly that we will not need to dance another for us to entrance the onlookers".

Jane smiled quietly

"I would like that".


	62. Chapter 62

When the next morning came Jane rose and dressed with more excitement then she had anticipated. Afterall, learning to dance for a ball was a completely new experience for Jane, one she thought she would never have. She went down to breakfast with Adele where she told her of the plans for the day. Adele had leapt with excitement from the chair in which she had been eating her breakfast.

"Jane, you shall be so beautiful dancing among all the ladies there. Surely you will be the most graceful one of all"

"You speak prematurely Adele, I am sure I will not be very naturally graceful"

"Nonsense!" Jane's husband called, leaning naturally against the door frame. She smiled at him briefly as he wished them both good morning, kissing Jane on the top of the head and patting Adele's back.

"It is too bad you cannot dance with the ladies, Adele. I am sure then you could hold the eyes of everyone in the room".

Adele sighed, looking dreamy.

"I know, how tragic"

Jane and Edward shared a quick amused look.

"With time Adele!" said Mr Rochester, sitting beside her and being handed a plate of breakfast. "You are young, you must enjoy your youth and not wish it away".

"But grownups get to do all the fun things"

Jane looked from Adele to her husband who was raising his eyebrow at her mischievously. She grinned shyly, shaking her head .

"Adele, you will have time to do all the things adults do. But for now, you must be content and thankful for what you have. Many children do not even have shoes on their feet".

She slumped back in the chair, nodding, "Yes, you are right. I shall be content and eat my breakfast".

"Besides Adele, I hear that there is to be a special delivery for you today. I do not think you will feel just content when it arrives"

"Oh, Mr. Rochester, what is it!"

"We will have to wait and see" he said, smiling.

. . .

After breakfast Adele wanted to come watch Jane learn to dance, however the special delivery arrived and, to her great delight, Adele had found it was fabric Jane had ordered to make her a new dress. Their intention to get fabric in town had been dashed, and though Jane knew she did not particularly need a new dress, she had still promised it to her. So Adele hurried off to show Leah excitidely, and to begin planning while Jane and Edward were left alone in the ballroom.

Jane felt extravagant saying they had a ballroom in their house, partially because she did not dance and so it was an unused space, but also because their house was not as grand as some larger manors were that did not even have ballrooms within them. The previous owners must have simply wanted one, and so it was a luxury that they had been given upon buying the house. Yet no one ever went in this room, though it was indeed very beautiful, and Jane wondered to herself why the beauty of the room had not encouraged her to learn to dance previously. The room itself was long with the floor being an attractive, medium toned wood. The walls were of equal interchanging of wall and window, the view being of snow covered trees and the large extensive hills of the gardens. The walls were a dark baby blue, and the ceiling was rounded with ornate decorations along the moulding.

"Well, Ms Rochester. May I have this dance?"

Edward extended his hand to her, and smiled. She placed her hand in his.

He swept her into his arms, his hand holding the small of her back and the other grasping her hand, extended from their bodies easily at shoulder height. Jane smiled up at him as he started to move her easily around the floor.

"I do not believe this can be right, Mr Rochester"

He smiled softly as she pressed her cheek to his.

"It feels right to me"

"What do you think would happen if we were to show up and dance in such an intimate way?"

"I think we would cause a great stir- people would not know how to take us. We would not be invited to any more balls, I'm afraid".

"Partially because this would be wholly improper"

"You may be right, but it feels better here then dancing here-" he said, pushing her apart from him, raising their joined hands away from their bodies and standing ridgidely upright.

"Ah, so this is what I am meant to master" she said, adjusting to his awkward position.

"Indeed. Now" he said, dropping the pose and moving Jane to the wall of the room. "I know that no other man will ask you to dance- or by god I shall have something to say about it-", Jane smiled, "But seeing as you do not have the full experience, I intend to give it to you. Now, I am an ardent admirer of you and I have been building up the courage to ask you all night to share a dance!' he called, running to the other side of the room and stopping. Jane laughed heartily. He stopped, looked at her, pretended to skirt around those "dancing" on the floor and stood before her. When he spoke his voice was very formal.

"Madam, if you are not otherwise engaged, may I have the pleasure of the next two dances?".

Jane smiled, curtsying briefly and looking back up at him, "I would be delighted".

She took his outstretched arm and was lead onto the dance floor.

"Now Jane, do you trust me?"

She smiled, "Yes"

"Then follow my lead"

. . .

The Eshton's Christmas ball was to take place Christmas Eve. The days leading up to the event were filled with happiness and much excitement. Adele was absolutely thrilled at the thought of being with children of her own age. The Eshton's niece, Susanna, was going to be there and she was Adele's exact age, and from what Anne had told Jane they seemed to be very similar in tastes and temperament. Though Jane knew in young girls this age could be at times immature, she thought Adele was too desperate for a friend to allow any disagreements between them, if such was to be the case.

Edward said that he was excited to appear somewhere as a married man, and Jane could not blame him. Though she scorned his words of being able to attend with a very angel for company, or having the most beautiful girl there on his arm, she could not fault his pride. Though of course he had been married before, he fought to conceal the truth and always appear to be the opposite- the bachelor. But now he was free to take pride in his wife, to enter the room with her and have her for support and encouragement. Jane blushed at the thought. To be so loved, and so admired by your husband, and feel the same way towards him, is all one could ask for.

Jane herself was excited for the new experience, one she never imagined herself to be part of. She wouldbe there as Ms Rochester, and her growing nerves could only be at ease only in knowing she had the unfailing support of her husband to help her though her first ball. It all seemed overwhelming at times, in Jane's still limited social mind- but Edward was always there to encourage and restore faith to her doubts. She had learned the dances quickly, and enjoyed dancing them with Edward. He was indeed a wonderful dancer and an easy partner. She was left then with no reason but to be excited for the upcoming ball.


	63. Chapter 63

Hello everyone!

i just wanted to say thank you, so much, to anyone who has taken the time to read this story. I began writing it because I love the story, I love the characters and I love to write but I never imagined I would get such a kind and warm response. Hearing your extremely kind comments is just so heartwarming and encouraging, I feel so humbled. Hope everyone is well, and thank you again, I love hearing from you xoxo.

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Jane woke the morning of Christmas Eve to the brillant white light of a snowy morning poking through the drawn curtains. She stirred sleepily, opening her eyes slightly before covering them again from the suns bright rays. She turned over in bed to see Edward, completely naked and exposed, the blankets having fallen off him in the night. She observed him for a moment, his perfect form, his face free from burden or worry. She did not know what it was about him, but he had such a confidence in the way he held himself, and yet not for a moment did that confidence translate to arrogance or vanity. In fact, Jane knew he thought quite the opposite of himself. But he was free in his body, honest in his exchanges with Jane, and effortlessly masculine.

She found it hard, even now, even after 9 months of marriage to him, to resist him. Not only to resist him, but to resist her own desire for him. He had been the most earnestly loving husband in the world, for so many reasons- reasons Jane was sure he could not even fathom. He had always loved her without expectation, without his own agenda. He had loved her for everything she was, and everything she could not be. How rare, how wonderful to be accepted under such terms. Indeed, she had loved him for the same reasons, and in the same way, for she loved him in spite of his faults, and misgivings. And yet it did not seem surprising for a woman to love her husband faithfully and unconditionally. It was _his_ faith and loyality that would seem surprising to some. Never to Jane. How unashamed she was in his presence. How right and natural every feeling of hers was to him.

Her thoughts had overpowered her actions. She removed the blanket from herself and climbed over her husband gently. His body had reacted to her weight on him, but he remained still and sleepy. She felt lightly down the line in his back, to the top of his buttocks. At her touch he stirred more, as he always did when being touched there. Jane smiled to herself as he moaned deeply into the pillow. She kissed up his back lightly, planting kisses all along his shoulders and neck. She paused along his jaw, burrying her face into the crook in his neck and kissing it sensuosly. He pulled his face back in order for her lips to have better access, and his face changed from peaceful ease to aroused contentness.

"Jane" he breathed in her ear. It sent shivers through her body.

He smiled at her briefly before she kissed his temple and then forehead, and he once again closed his eyes, leaning into her kisses.

"Mhm?" she said, softly, bringing the blankets around his shoulders. From laying outside of the blankets for some time his skin was like ice. As she relaxed back into bed beside him he opened his arms, and she knew that he was looking for her warmth. Without objection she cuddled into his chest, feeling his chilled skin.

"That is better".

There was a small pause in which Jane was filled with indescribreable happiness; A smile broke from her lips and she closed her eyes too.

"Edward?"

"Mhm?"

"It's Christmas Eve"

He looked down at her,

"Indeed my love, Merry Christmas Eve"

He pressed his lips to Jane's forehead before gently guiding their mouths together. At first the kiss was slow, and meaningful, but soon it deepened, and was needier. Edward cllimbed above Jane, the blankets still hanging around his waist, and continued to passionately kiss her back into the pillows. Jane wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him closer. She felt his fingers lightly tracing up her leg. He played with her, circling in the same place or drawing his fingers very slowly up to the top of her leg and over her hips to her stomach. He smiled at her small gasps of protest each time he stopped.

"I'm sorry my darling" he breathed to her, "I am teasing you, and I should not"

He made up for it by kissing her with such love that Jane felt completely overcome by him. The love he conveyed to her in each kiss was stronger than the last and she was consumed by him. His smell filled her senses, his hair fell around her face, his solid body lay beside hers and, for a moment, his mouth alone had complete power over her.

"I do not believe I married you, Mr Rochester, because I expected I would recieve no teasing from you" she said, holding his chin between her thumb and finger.

"Can you ever forgive me?".

Drawing him closer to him she pressed their foreheads together, pecking his lips briefly.

"You are forgiven', she teased.

He lay down beside her in the bed once more and Jane resumed her position of being drawn into his chest. His hand stroked her hair affectionately but instinctively, for he was deep in thought. The pause of silence was so great that Jane had almost fallen back to sleep when his voice woke her again.

"Jane?"

"Mmm", she was amused at her own voice's lack of enthuasium in tone.

"I thought I was the one woken so prematurely from my peaceful slumber, is it not I that is supposed to be going back to sleep"

She opened her eyes to look at him,

"You are, along with me".

He kissed her cheek and laughed.

"But Jane, I want to give you a christmas gift now. I am too excited to do anything else".

Jane turned on her back so she could look directly into his eyes, she shook her head at him in disapproval.

"Edward Rochester. We said we were not exchanging gifts"

"No, you said that we did not need to give gifts, to which I told you that firstly, because you have never recieved a christmas gift before you should have one, and secondly as your husband I believe I know you the best, and love you most, and want to. Besides, I know there is no chance that you did not also get me something for Christmas as well"

Jane grinned crookedly, "Only because I knew you would not listen. That being said, it is not Christmas yet, we cannot exchange gifts yet"

"Of course we can, for I know you have more than one for me and I have more than one for you"

Jane narrowed her eyes, "And how would you know that?"

He tried to look serious, but his face broke into a guilty smile.

"I may or may not have seen some wreapped packages in the closet"

"Edward!" Jane said, sitting up qucikly

"Jane!"

"Did you touch them?"

"Maybe just the top one but nothin- ouch Jane!"

She had smacked his arm- rather lightly she thought, but all the same he had deserved it.

"Jane you cannot sit so and look so disapprovingly at me"

"Edward Rochester, you are the oldest child I have ever meeet"

He held her face and kissed her roughly, "It is a good thing I love you so dearly, otherwise you would have to pay deeply for that comment".

She grinned slightly as she stood up, walking to the closet in order to grab the smallest parcel wrapped within it. She rushed back to bed, stopping to grab her nightgown that was hanging over a nearby chair- she forgot how cold it was out of the blankets with nothing on. Edward already was there with a parcel in his hand, meaning it had been tucked away inside of his side table somewhere. He glowed with anticipation as Jane sat down beside him on the bed, crossing her legs.

"Shall I give yours to you first?"

He handed Jane a small paper package that was tied with blue ribbon. It has been her first ever gift. She had been given things for her wedding of course, she had been given a house, a husband she loved dearly, and she had even been given small things at Lowood such as new shoes when they became avaliable, but only if the shoes she haad been wearing were so badly worn that she may as well not have worn shoes at all. But she was never given a gift for an occasion, not like this. She ran the package through her fingers and smiled to herself. When she looked up Edward was observing her with a warm, knowing smile.

"Open it" he said, encouragingly.

Jane unwrapped the brown paper to find a dark mahogony box. It was beautiful, and ornately carved with foliage around the edges. She lifted up the lid of the box to find a pin inside resting on a red velvet cushion. It was a gold hairpin that was long and thin, -tastefully understated but extremely beautiful. On the end was a small flower with metal petals and a diamond centure, and in the middle of the pin was a beautiful swallow, made of dark saphires. Jane was striken with the beauty of the object, and more importantly, she was struck with what it represented.

"Edward-" Jane began, but she was speechless. She took the pin into her hand and turned it gently.

He looked quite serious as he observed her,

"Do you..like it?"

"Like it?" Jane asked, looking at him, "It is absolutely perfect. I cannot imagine a more thoughtful gift"

His face sofened into a humble smile.

"It reminded me of you so much. It is so beautiful, yet small and understated like yourself".

She reached out to take his hand in hers.

"A swallow. I have always been so to you, I believe" she said, warmly.

"Ah yes, you are right. But my bird has long since flown from the cage that life had bound her in. Now I see her soar cloud high, and I admire her in flight or at rest"

"You were the first one to see her her wings, and have faith in their flight"

His soft lips were pressed sweetly to her forehead. Jane smiled at him, running her thumb over their joined hands.

"Thank you" she said, with as much truth as she could impart.

"Of course, my darling".

Jane looked at the item once more before placing it back in the beautiful box and laying it on her dresser. She did not want to stop looking at it, but her husband was sitting expectantly, and she so turned and placed her own gift for him into his hands.

"Is it not new, it is not very big or expensive-"

"Shh, Jane, do not be silly" he said sureadly.

He unwrapped the parcel quickly and opened the small pouch that his pocket watch rested in. He took it out and looked at Jane curiously.

"Turn it over", she said, nudging his arm with a smile.

In turning it over he saw that the back had been engraved. In small and skillfull writing, the words "My eyes onto the world" had been carved into the watch. It had been what he had told Jane when he had given her the pocket watch many months ago now. He was still blind then, and carried his pocket watch out of habit and not out of practicality. When she had asked for the time one day, he had given it to her, telling her to keep it on her person. It had seemed a fitting symbol of the love they had for one another, and how far they had come together as one in time.

"Keep it, Jane. I will not be needing it. From now on, you shall be my eyes onto the world. I have no use for it".

Edward looked up at Jane. The most wonderful expression of being inexpressionably humbled moved over his face as sun did when breaking from behind a cloud. His face was serious as adressed his wife, his eyes appealing to her deepest level of trust.

"This is the most important gift I have ever recieved in the whole of my life" he said, "I shall treasure it always".

His lips found hers and drew them into a loving kiss. She climbed over him, kissing him happily in return. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

This was bliss.


	64. Chapter 64

After a few extended hours of lazily drifting in and out of sleep, Jane rose and dressed. About halfway through getting ready she woke her husband, who only needed half her time to be ready for the day. She would have let him sleep at length, only for he had to address the servants at breakfast when they were all sure to be around. As they left their bedroom together they were meet by Adele in the hall, playing with a very old, and very grey pilot. The poor dog was now blind, and was not up for long journeys- nor even short ones. He did not run down the halls of this house as he did in Thornfield, he did not even beg for food at his masters side. He was very dormant and quiet now. Still, he often curled up at his masters feet at night and was patted affectionately. It was all an old dog could want, Jane supposed, to have served its master well and be loved in old age.

Just as breakfast was served, Edward called all the servants into the dining room. They seemed surprised that he did so, yet he continued.

"Good morning. I am sorry to call you at breakfast, I know it is your time to yourself when we are eating and I am taking away from it. I wanted to say this to you all directly, however, so there would be no confusion. Ms Rochester and myself told you last week that, with the kind exception of John and Leah who are staying to help us here, you all are free from work from today, the 24th until the 28th of December. It did not occour to me however that you would have no way of returning to your famailies in the village and beyond- especially not in the snow that it looks like we are starting to have. Please forgive my insensative thought. John has very kindly agreed to help me with a coach that will bring you where you need to go, for no one's home is more than 5 miles away. After breakfast we shall load the trunks onto the coach and be off. For anyone who is staying here for Christmas, you are free now to do as you wish".

"Merry Christmas, and thank you for your very excellent and very hard work this year" Jane said warmly,

"And this week!" Adele enthuastically added.

They all came up to thank Jane and Mr Rochester, and Jane felt a slight sense of doing some good. She understood the lives of these servants and how ill treated they often were. Though Mr Rochester was a very good and fair master and had the greatest amount of respect from his servants, he would not have thought of this on his own. It took no convincing for him to agree with Jane to let them have a few days off, yet it was only her experience of being alone on Christmas which allowed for it. She wished in those times that someone had thought to consider her in such a way. Though, in hindsight, it is perhaps not very likely that she was lost from the mind of a certain person on Christmas. The thought made her smile and she greated Jenny, one of the girls from the kitchen, who stood before her.

"Good Morning miss. I am staying here for Christmas, for my family are not near these parts and I left on unfavourable terms. I know that you are attending a ball tonight, and though I am a kitchen girl I do have a great experience with doing hair and such. I worked for a Ms Jones before I came to work here, a wicked woman, and I did her hair. She was so vengeful and angry that I became sure to do her hair good the first time. I am wondering if I may be of assistance to you?"

"Oh Jenny!" Jane said, "That is exceptionally kind of you! I fear I was worried about it quite a bit, for I have such little experience with hair myself, though I was not about to ask anyone to stay here during their time off for my hairs sake. I would be so grateful"

"Perfect, then it is settled. May I ask little Adele too?"

"You may, though I can guess her answer"

They smiled at one another, and Jenny and rushed off to Adele without another word.

. . . . .

Mr Rochester was gone most of the day with John in the coach, for John could not lift the trunks off the back of the coach alone anymore and could not ask the ladies to do so either. Mr Rochester promised he was happy to get fresh air and see off the servants, which while not being completely true was true enough, and enough for John to set off happily with his old master as his companion. Jane had waved goodbye to them all before returning indoors and spending some time in the servants corridor with the women there. They were all thrilled to have some time to themselves, and spoke with Jane openly, as if she were a close friend and a fellow servant. Was she not still, in many ways?

Jane and Adele also spent some time together, reading, talking and being real women together. It occoured in this conversation with Jane that one day, when she was older and more mature, she and Adele would be wonderful companions. There was only a 10 year age gap between them, which at this moment in time was a vast number, but in time it would seem very little. She had matured greatly, even in the year Jane was away. Perhaps it was partly the natural course of becoming more mature, but Jane thought it more likely to be the result of attending a strict school which forced her to grow up faster. It had done the same to Jane. Not that Adele's school was like Lowood, but any school where you are removed from family teaches you to be more independant. Jane was excited for the eventual prospect of having her as a friend.

Jane bathed at around 4:00 to prepare for the evening. She enjoyed the quiet time in the bath, for she was preparing for the night ahead. She was not nervous, for that was not the right word. She was not at ease, surely, but also was not unhappy. She only wanted the night to go well, she wanted to be acceptable as Ms Rochester, for she knew that people certainly had preconcieved notions of what she would be like. Jane never thought anymore about how their marriage was perhaps not conventional, for what others thought mattered so little to her, but she realised that for others it may not be so easy to overlook what was not typical. She was so quiet, and rather shy. She hated any amount of focus on her, but if it was for being the wife of the man she loved so dearly, and one she was proud to stand beside, she thought that she could take the judgemental speculation.

. . .

Later, there was a knock at the door as Jane slipped into her dress for the evening.

The dress Jane was wearing that evening was by far the most elegant she had ever owned. It was a cream satin dress with straight neckline across the chest, leaving the smallest amount of the top of her shoulder showing. From the neckline was the smallest amount of lace showing, making the neckline very femanine. The sleeves were long, with one band just below the shoulder which allowed the rest of the sleeve to be slightly puffy before ending in a closed cuff. The skirt was full, but not excessively so, with pleats starting at the waistline and cascading down to the bottom. The whole dress was covered in beautifully embroidered small flowers with leaves extending from them and as Jane slipped it on, she couldn't help but see herself as beautiful.

"Come in" Jane called,

Jenny stepped into the room, carrying several tools for styling hair in her arms.

Her eyes widened as they fell upon Jane, "Oh, Ms Jane, you look quite stunning".

Jane smiled, blushing slightly.

"Thank you so much Jenny. I think it the most beautiful dress I have ever seen. I have never owned anything that could even be compared to this. I almost feel silly in it, like someone as me is not meant to wear it".

"Nonsense" Jenny called, laying her things down on the table in front of Jane's mirror. "You will do just as well as any lady there tonight- better perhaps! For you are a better person".

"I only wish that good intentions could cause suscess in these situations, it would be impossible for me to fail".

"Here miss, I will help you with your corset, we shall do up this dress, style your hair and then you shall look the part too".

Jane smiled, it felt good to have a woman friend, she did not care that it was her servant- such a claim of class status on friendship seemed absolutely insupportable. She admired her for her honesty and goodness, and what of class when she carried both in abundance.

Two hours later Jane was finished. Her hair had been curled from the root and pulled loosely back into a bun, which was held in place by a braid which incircled it. Jenny had pulled a few pieces of hair loose in order to be curled around her face. It was a beautiful job. Jane had never looked so well.


	65. Chapter 65

Mr Rochester arrived home some time during the period Jenny was helping Jane get ready for the ball. Jane was sure that he was downstairs likely eating supper, or finding other way to keep himself occupied, knowing that she and Jenny were busy. She amused herself as she thought it was also very likely he was keeping a distance for his own sake, having little interest in watching women formally dress for an evening.

Mr Rochester kept no manservant for himself, nor had he ever had one. He had told Jane in one of their first ever conversations that he found it excessive, and that a man should be able to put on his own clothes or shine his own shoes without having to be waited upon. In those days Jane had found it surprising to hear a man in his position speak in such a way, and it was an endearing equality in a man that she had to fight with reason to find goodness in. In hindsight, the comment had been prophetic for there came a time in his life when he absolutely required assistance to be dressed, to walk, to read, to write. Now Mr Rochester did not keep a manservant because he had a wife for assistance, an experience that was a truly new one to him and one, she believed, still surprised him at times. She saw it when she fixed his tie or straightened out his tailcoat. How strange that a life can change so much.

Jane had not noticed the door open during her reflection, and so when she turned and saw her husband leaning against the door beaming at her, she smiled.

"Ms Rochester, how is it possible for you to become more and more beautiful every time I lay my eyes upon you" he asked, advancing towards her and placing his arms around her waist.

"Do you think I look the part?"

He kissed her forehead thoughtfully before drawing back.

"You are perfect. I shall look quite haggard beside you, Jane".

She smiled and shook her head as he began to undress before her, changing into his clothes for the evening.

"Never. You have a natural presence that is too great", and in a lower tone "Edward Fairfax Rochester's pride could never allow it".

He chuckled softly, "Well, tonight I fear we both shall attract some unwarrented attention, regardless of the presence that we have. I am sorry you shall be forced to endure that"

Jane stepped forward and helped smooth his cravat, re-tieing it as he pulled on his waistcoat.

"If such is to be the case, then let it be so. I will be happy there with you, as friends of Mr and Ms Eshton, and nothing else shall matter. I did not marry you because I thought I would be entering into the normal situation of wives. I married you for the exact opposite reason".

He smiled at her, his eyes shining and full of feeling.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. I was only thinking how beautiful you are"

Jane could not help but blush slightly. It was a phrase he often said, but she was always moved that he continued to say it with overflowing with feeling and honesty. He brought her closer to him by pressing his hand into the small of her back and brought their lips together in a slow sensual kiss. She suddenly felt the urge to abandon the whole ball and remain here with him, just the two of them- without the dancing, the hair, the shoes, the dress...

"I want you" Jane begged as the kiss dissolved, "all of you, without any of this". She lightly tugged on his cravat.

"Mmm" he said, his voice filled with a happy pride, "It has been quite some time now since we have made love, hasn't it?"

"It has been since yesterday morning" Jane said, grinning.

"Ah yes, last night you fell asleep in my arms as soon as you made it to bed"

"I suppose I was tired"

"Indeed!" he teased, kissing her forehead lightly. She looked up at him, and his look of immense love penetrated her soul.

"Tonight, when we are home, every inch of me is yours"

"I shall hold you to it, Mr Rochester. Now sit, I must comb out this black mass of curls".

. . .

Downstairs, Adele was sitting uncharacteristically still in the sitting room, waiting in anticipation for the night ahead. Jane knew she sat unnaturally still in order to not rumple her dress or make her hair fall out of place, and in turning to her husband they shared a knowing, humored look.

"Adele! Are you ready to go?"

She stood up quickly and beamed at them.

"Yes Mr Rochester!", as she moved towards them she stopped dramatically.

Oh, you both look tres magnifique! Together you are like a couple from the most romantic novel! You shall be the best looking people there tonight- that I am sure of".

Jane smiled, "Thank you Adele. You look very, very pretty".

Though Jane knew she did not need her vanity flattered, she did indeed look very well. The lavender coloured material that arrived for her had been skillfully made into a beautiful dress that was appropiate for her age, but in style was slightly older than any dress she had owned before. Her hair was curled in its usual way, but she had added little sprigs of flowers into her hair so that she looked quite lovely. In seeing her, Jane only hoped she had a wonderful time, perhaps would even make a new friend.

Edward slipped on his cloak and hat, "I will be back in a moment" he said, touching Jane's arm lightly before departing.

As he was gone to get the coach with John, Jane helped to dress Adele in her winters cloak. It was a wintery Christmas Eve, with white snow falling gently on the ground, but not sticking to it. As Adele spoke rapidly into Jane's ear, she could not help but pause a moment, unable to hear anything else but the quiet of the endless nature outside of their home. How quiet it must be in some far off wood, a place where likely no one was ever to trod, but existed independantly and freely. Jane smiled at the thought, of a wood covered in white, never a footprint to be made in the snow.

"Ms Eyre? Jane"

Jane looked back at Adele,

"Do you think it will happen?"

"Do I think what will happen?"

"I shall ruin my hair with this cloak around it?"

Jane smiled, shaking her head.

"No Adele, I believe you shall be fine. Besides, here is Mr Rochester, you will not have to worry about your hair anymore".

. . .

The carriage ride over was surprisingly silent. There was much on the minds of everyone in the carriage, and Jane felt her courage falter momentarily. Fear and nerves made her think that perhaps it would have been best to decline. Yet almost immediately she was reminded that to do so would have been unjustifiably wrong. In looking at her husband across the carriage, however, he smiled warmly at her, and his look restored her reserve. She knew he had been observing her, and that her unspoken thoughts were as transparent to his as his own and he only wanted to reassure her that all would be well. It had worked, as it always did.

"We must be almost there" he said, straightening up and looking out of the carriage window. Jane did not know how he could tell where they were in the almost dark, but she knew his sense of direction was far superior to hers. It was one of his traits that always amused her, he was never lost.

"Now Adele" Jane said, turning to look at her, "You must promise us to not eat too many sugary things. It has never served you well"

"No, for you I will not, seeing as you were good enough to let me come with you".

Mr Rochester looked at Jane, his eyebrow raised.

"Of course Adele, why should you say you were not aloud to come, you were invited by the Eshtons afterall"

Adele looked at Jane, pausing briefly before answering her,

"Well, at my school they told us that balls are wicked. They are places of indulgance and extravagance"

"Adele, a ball is not wicked. A person can act wicked no matter where they are. But a ball itself is not wrong. How could we take you to such a place if that is to be the truth of the matter?"

"Your only job here tonight is to enjoy yourself" Mr Rochester interjected, and she seemed to hear his words and take full heart. Jane knew she had seeked his approval for so long before she had ever come into their lives that his words of encouragement were music to her ears, always. And with those words the carriage turned, up the drive of the Eshtons house. Jane could already see a line of carriages approaching the door and her nerves threatened to overtake her once more. How truly strange this would be for her, for she was still small, quaint, quiet Jane Eyre.

As their carriage stopped in front of the door Mr Rochester exited first in order to help the ladies down from the carriage. First Adele shuffled off, jumping off the last carriage step and beaming up at the house. Then Jane. She stepped out, lifting her dress over the small steps as she descended them. Mr Rochester did not drop her hand as she was safely on the ground, but held it, smiling at her encouragingly.

"You have me", he promised, You musn't worry about a thing. They will love you, as is always the case"

Jane smiled, thanking him wordlessly and taking his arm.

"Ready miss Adele?"

She nodded and took his other arm with enthuasium.


	66. Chapter 66

The ball was a glittering event, an absolute spectacle unlike anything Jane had ever seen. Jane had been at the Eshtons house several times of course, but the decorations and sheer number of people present made the house unrecognizable. The entrance way of the house was quite large in proportion to the house, but tonight it was filled with so many people that it seemed extremely small. There was the immediate sound of indistinct chatter, a band playing far off inside the house and heavyhanded laughter. As the Rochesters entered, they were spotted immediately by the Eshtons who waved enthuastically and made their way across the crowd, with some dofficulty, towards them.

Anne Eshton took Jane's hands and held them tightly.

"My friend, you are by far one of the most beautiful women here tonight"

Jane blushed deeply, she could see her husband looking at her proudly out of the corner of her eye. She was not used to such compliments.

"You are not bad either Rochester" Mr Eshton said, slapping Edward on the shoulder. "For a man of your age you are increadibly well preserved, and clean up rather smartly".

Edward laughed,"I am not sure if I should thank you or scold you Eshton"

Eshton chuckled characteristically and turned to Jane, "Ms Rochester, you are indeed a vision tonight. You look absolutely lovely"

"Thank you" Jane said warmly, but quickly she saw Anne's composure turn. The glow faded that had been on her face as she looked down at the floor, trying to muster a believeable smile.

"I must say-" Jane began again quickly, "Your wife could not be a more beautiful hostess. You are very lucky. Mr Rochester could not rely on me to be a quarter of the hostess that Anne is"

"I agree, dear Anne here is wonderful at parties. I fear nothing with her, all will go very smoothly tonight".

Anne seemed to regain a little reassurance at these words, yet Jane knew most woman would prefer for her husband to view her as beautiful over being practical and helpful. In moments such as these, Jane saw through the cracks of a seemingly good marriage that everything was right regarding situation and comfort, but in terms of meeting emotional need, one could feel very neglected.

In being tied up in her thoughts, Jane had not noticed that Edward had introduced Adele to Anne, and reaquainted her with Mr Eshton.

"Little Adele, what a very french name" Anne said, smiling down at her.

"Indeed Madam, I have lived in Paris for some of my life. It is where I am from. Perhaps my accent gives me away"

"Well we are happy to see you have accepted our invitation. Our neice is here, surely you would like to meet her?"

"Oh yes, I should like that very much!"

"Then you must come with me now. She waits in the back parlour for all the children to arrive".

Adele glanced back at Jane and Mr Rochester expectantly, waiting for an answer. Her eyes sparkled with excitement, and she was practically half walking away before Edward chuckled.

"Enjoy yourself Adele, we shall be here if you need us".

"Behave well" Jane reminded, smiling.

And with that, she and Anne Eshton were gone, immediately absorbed by the thickening crowd of people.

"Now" Eshton began in a low voice, "You two are practically the guests of honor here tonight. I must say, I think people were equally excited to come to the party as they were curious to see you two here. Already you have been asked about-"

Jane felt her husband draw her nearer,

"There are also a few people in here attendance that you have already both been aquainted with. For example-"

But he was stopped by a loud thunderous roar from a drunken man who had just entered, bounding towards Eshton with excessive enthuasium.

"Eshton, old boy, remember me? Your father and me were companions in Mr McCoy's practice-"

"We shall see you later" Edward said lowly to him, and Eshton nodded his appreciation.

Jane once again resumed her husbands arm, being lead into the main ballroom area.

. . .

Jane was struck by the atmosphere of the ball. Though inside the ballroom was slightly less compact and thus less immediately loud than the entrence way, it was still very busy. There were couples for as far as the eye could see, old men is large top hats smoking cigars and old women with heaps of fine jewels hung round their necks, wrists and foreheads. There were officers of the local army who had been invited who were talking enthuastically to young girls standing around them. There were men sharing great conversations amongst one another, laughing heartily and talking enthuastically while their nearby wives looked on, bored and excluded from the highly entertaining conversation. There were women standing in a circle, leaning in and speaking lowly to one another, no doubt regarding the state of the couples there. There were the smells of food, of candles, of wine, of wood and people, and Jane smiled. What a small bit of the universe was contained in this room at this moment, she thought.

"Now Jane, we have survived the initial encounter" her husband said, bending close to her ear and speaking lowly. She grinned and turned to him, looking into his dark eyes.

"Edward, this is so unlike anything I expected"

"That is because even for an upperclass ball this is quite extravagant. You see, Ms Eshton's parents are both dead, and that is why he was able to obtain this house- which you already know. But he only told me last week that Ms Eshton still has a very aged and very wealthy aunt who is to be in attendance tonight. That is the reason for all of this" he said, gesuring at the room.

"That is certainly a lot of trouble to go through for an elderly, and distant aunt"

"When I told you Jane how wonderful it was that you have no family to interfere, I was serious"

She shot him a humored look.

"And these people here tonight, certainly they are to add to that image for her? They are not all personal friends of his?"

Edward shook his head, "No, I know that as a man of science Eshton would rather spend time in a study than with friends. His friends are choice, and few".

Jane looked around the room in response,

"When attending these events was a normal occurance to you, did you enjoy it?"

Edward thought momentarily, "Yes, and no. Yes, because I was young, rich, and the excitement of all young men at that age was upon me. As a young, single man I was expected to dance a great deal, which I enjoyed, and I liked the thought that others were making speculation of who I would endow my great fortune to. I could drink and eat freely, and be completely unburdened from worry. I was however aware of the moral shallowness of the events, and that is why I cannot say I truly enjoyed it. I danced often, but I never wanted to talk with the women I danced with any longer than the duration of the song. I hated drunkeness, and so drinking lost its appeal. I generally did not enjoy my company, and although I liked people speculating over my money, I never wanted those speculations pushed upon me".

Jane looked at him,

"You always remind me that your childhood, and indeed young adult life was lacking in genuine interactions"

"It was void of it, well into my adult years as well. That is until I meet you".

She squeezed his arm affectionately, "Do you think you would have wished to talk with me after we danced?"

He laughed, "Jane, you know very well you would have transfixed me completely. I should have been angered into discovering everything about you. I could not have walked away from you, even if I set my heart to that reserve".

Jane started to ask him another question, but she was quickly turned by her husband away from the crowd, his face hardening drastically.

"Jane, of all the people that could be here tonight. There is a man who is approaching who is the biggest disgrace to the name of man-"

"Edward, who is he?"

"A plantation owner who I knew in Jamaica. Dammit, he approaches. Jane, do not say anything to him that you do not want the whole of this party to know by the end of the night"

"Edward...Fairfax...Rochester!" called a loud voice with strained dramatic effect across the ballroom. Several people standing close by looked, but in not knowing the man whos voice rung out they looked away with little interest.

"Mr Tibs" Edward said, bowing rather stiffly at him. "It is a surprise to see you here tonight"

"I am here on a trip from Jamaica, clear my fogged Caribbean head for a little while before returning back into the thick of it. I was stationed in town with the militia who are here tonight when news came of the invitation, and I knew it would be extended to me. Good god, I do not believe I have seen you since your own time in Jamaica"

"We have seen eachother-"

"Oh yes!" he thundered in interuption, "We saw eachother in Bath, 12 years ago or a little shorter. By god, you have changed!"

"Mr Tibs, allow me to introduce my wife, Jane Rochester"

He turned to Jane, as if recognizing her presence for the first time. But in seeing her, he could not avert his gaze from her. He stared at her, his dirty eyes trying to see what she was unwilling to reveal. His grubby face grinned uncomfortably and his greedy hands rubbed together expectantly.

"A Ms Rochester indeed, who would have believed it"

Jane tried to muster a half smile, but the light tone in her otherwise angry reply was surprisingly believeable.

"It seems strange you should be so surprised by Mr Rochester marrying, seeing as you have not made contact in 12 years. Much changes about a person in 12 years"

"My, my. Aren't you outspoken", feigned Mr Tibs. His impression of manners had failed badly, unlike Jane, and Mr Rochester shot him a warning look which could frighten off any man. With this look, Tibs continued more carefully.

"Of course you are right my dear. I knew Mr Rochester quite some time ago. Though I am not sure that men are capeable of changing at their core, you may change your clothes, your hair, or your turn of phrase, but in your soul you are quite the same as you have always been".

"Men with that resolve lack self dicipline and a desire to change" Edward said firmly, "Mr Tibs".

He nodded curtly at him before taking Jane's hand and guiding her away. He moved swiftly, though not with any alarming speed. Jane imagined Mr Tibs still standing on the spot, grinding his teeth together- but she dared not look back.


	67. Chapter 67

Jane could see the burning anger on her husbands face as he stopped them far away from their encounter with Mr Tibs. He turned to Jane, shaking his head reproachfully.

"I am so sorry darling"

"Why should you be sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for"

"He is a disgusting man. The way he was eyeing you. I have half a mind to go back there and grab-"

Jane took his hand, "I am well, and so are you. Do not let him see that he has upset you so, it surely was his intention in stopping you"

Edward looked over at the spot where the encounter had happened, only to see Mr Tibs talking with another man, making over-exagerated gestures and being quite loud.

"Jane why must you always be so level headed? That man deserves any violence that comes his way"

"To make up for when you are not, and perhaps that is so. But you, Mr Rochester, are not that kind of brutal man"

"I was at one time, witch. You reformed me without my permission". He sighed "I promise to tell you more of my dealings with that-man, when we leave here. I promised to withhold nothing from you"

"I shall listen with opened ears"

He smiled at her, and then leaned in close to her.

"You know, I do not like being unable to freely kiss you here"

Jane smiled, shaking her head. When she looked up she saw that several women standing in front of them had turned around to look. Jane took comfort in them surely not being able to have heard what he said to her, thus they simply looked like a loving couple. The women smiled forcefully before turning back around and talking in close whispers again.

"Come, let us get a drink, you must be warm"

. . .

While at the drink table the Eshtons found their way to Jane and Mr Rochester once more. After explaining everyone had arrived, and that any latecomers would be greeted by the servants, Rochester pulled Eshton aside to mention the presence of Mr Tibs to his friend.

"I wonder what they could be discussing" Anne said to Jane, curiously sipping her drink. Jane stepped closer to her and spoke in a lowered voice.

"We just encountered a Mr Tibs, do you know him?"

"No, I cannot say I do. Perhaps mister Eshton does"

"I do not think he does either. Edward knows him from a long time ago, and Mr Tibs claimed he came on behalf of the invitation to the ball being extended to include the Militia with whom he was staying"

"Oh Jane, but what is wrong with him? Do you think he poses a danger here?"

"He is no gentleman. He was excessively rude to Edward just now, and was a brute in conversation. He just eyed me top to bottom, God knows what he was thinking, trying to get a reaction from Mr Rochester. I fear no young woman here is safe, and I am sure that they are discussing that now".

They both glanced over at their husbands who looked puzzled and concerned. Eshton caught Anne's eye and looked back at Edward before advancing to his wife.

"Anne, I am sure Ms Rochester has filled you in. Mr Tibs is not the only problamatic man here in attendence that I have noticed and I fear they cannot stay. Though I am not sure how to take care of it. We can wait until they drink a little more, then they will be easier to deal with. But there is no assurance of time in such a method-"

"But my dear, how did this happen? We did not invite such men"

"It is not your fault Ms Eshton, with a ball this size it is not uncommon for people to make an appearence who were not invited. I fear it is unavoidable in many ways. I promise you that it will not reflect badly on you. We shall take care of it"

Mr Rochesters words seemed to comfort Anne, and she nodded, reassured.

"Thank you Mr Rochester. I do not want a scene"

"And no scene there will be" confirmed Eshton, "Come Rochester, we shall deal with this now. I know some men who will help us"

Edward looked to Jane for permission to go. He had promised her that he would not leave her side and she could see the betrayal of his promise was pulling at him. But Jane nodded, answering firmly.

"Be safe, I shall be with Ms Eshton"

He nodded,

"Thank you darling, I shall be back soon"

And soon the men were off, absorbed by the crowd.

. . .

In the time Edward was gone, Jane meet with some of Anne's friends. They were all pleasant and happy girls, very contented with their appearence and very happy to have to chance to find a husband at the ball. Jane had an odd moment where she realised that she was married, so happily, at a young age. She perhaps should have been in the same situation as the girls here, scouting the room for a husband and being aware that every action she made would be observed and taken in account. But then again, without being Ms Rochester, she never would be here at all.

It was not until these women had spoken at length for some time, and had run out of things to say, resorting to talk of town markets and the weather, that Mr Rochester returned with Mr Eshton, who looked proud and accomplished.

"Trouble has been diverted" he promised Anne, "Now we can relax at our own party"

"What happened to them?"

"Well, me and Mr Rochester took care of them. You need not know the details"

"Come then, let us have a dance! We have been too long without one" Anne said, grinning at Jane and dragging her husband away.

Anne walked to the front of the room, smiling around at the gathering as any good hostess should.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming. The dancing shall begin now, with the first dancing being the Fair Mode"

"Come Jane" Edward said beside her, tugging her arm lightly,

"Edward, no!" Jane said, lowly, "We cannot go up the first dance, everyone will be watching"

"Perhaps. But if we wait, people may think you were building up the courage all night to dance".

"But I have been" Jane interjected, yet her husband smiled and took her hand.

"Come, I shall be with you".

Jane had no reason to resist any longer. Her husband took her hand affectionatel, leading her onto the dancefloor. She stood across from her husband, her hands at her side. At first she was self conscious of those standing around her, and she felt her heart beat increase so that she could feel the pounding in her throat. But she looked at her husband and he smiled in a way that was reserved for only Jane. He winked at her as the band started and they moved together.

. . .

Jane had never danced before, but by the end of the song she could tell that she would want to continue to dance often in the future. It felt so right to dance with someone she loved, it was a joy to feel eachothers hands touch, to move together around joined hands, to turn away from eachother only to turn back and grin. The beautiful music filled the hall with happiness as the onlookers watched, some smiling slightly, some looking on with a more critical eye- of who was dancing with who, who could make a suitable pair in the future. It was a small political, sometimes innocent and sometimes loving act. What could be more wonderful.

As the song came to a close with the pull of the violin string in a long and low note, the couples clapped formally, turning to the band and directing their clapps and smiles to those in the loft above them. They nodded respectfully and laid down their instruments on their laps as the couples turned back to one another.

"Ms Rochester. You are the most beautiful dance partner I have ever had"

Jane blushed, smiling shyly, "You must say that, because I am your wife"

"I say it because it is true, look", he tilted his head and Jane turned to see the crowd looking at her, some looked surprised, others looked impressed, and some beamed happily at her. She turned back to her husband who was chuckling softly,

"If you were not married, Ms Rochester, you should not have to worry about having a dance partner for the remainder of the night"


	68. Chapter 68

Jane danced all night long.

As the night progressed, Jane spoke to an innumerable amount of people. There was a cotninual flood of individuals which threatened every moment Jane and her husband tried to share. Mr Rochesters old friends came to greet him with much happiness, and he in turn was extremely proud to present Jane as his wife. His friends laughed with Jane, saying that they were quite sure Edward could never find a wife that was of his equal, and Mr Rochester teased that they had been right, for his wife was quite his superior. Jane could tell that with the minimal amount she spoke the men were impressed with what she knew. This was of no compliment to Jane personally, she just knew they had such small expectations for womens ability in conversation that any discussion outside of petticoats, frocks, and gossip was quite astounding. How little they knew of their fellow human beings. Women too floated over, some hung uncomfortably close to Mr Rochester, giggling loudly at his comments, even when they were not funny. Some complimented Jane on her dancing, others inviting her to tea at their house. As nice as they all had been, Jane suspected that many of these interactions would fall through-that none would come into actual being. It just seemed everyone wished to meet the new Ms Rochester, the women that so many people thought would never exist, the wealthiest woman in the county with the highest rank who came from the lowest birth. And yet, Jane took comfort in spite of all the expectations placed unfairly on her that she was the only wife in the room who seemed to be introduced with equal pride and affection. Though Edward was quite popular and seemed to entertain any person who came to talk with him, he never forgot his wife who stood beside him, and never excluded her from parts of conversation that was outside of her understanding.

"Hello, Ms Rochester?"

Jane turned to see a women standing before her. She looked slightly older than Jane, perhaps thirty or so. She wore a rather plain dress of a medium, ashey blue colour. It had no detailing, and hung loosely on her small frame. Jane, in this womans presence, immediately felt insecure about the way she was dressed. Indeed, her dress was still plain compared to some of the women here, but it was far more luxurious than the dress of the women that stood before her. It was clear that this women had no maid, for a maid would have taken in the dress at the waist, and fashioned her hair in a more elabourate way then it was plainly styled at present. Jane for a moment felt like a fraud, for in this woman she saw herself. This is who she was, she associated with this women, not the world of glittering golds and diamonds about her. Had she momentarily forgotten herself?

"Hello" Jane said, almost apologetically, "I'm Jane"

"Jane, I am Joan Olsen"

"Its nice to meet you, Ms Olsen"

"Joan" she corrected, smiling slightly from the corner of her mouth. Jane saw that the smile on her face was a forced and unnatural one. But suddenly her face sunk again and she looked as if she did not know a way to continue with her thoughts. Jane could see the pressing matter of what was on her mind, and so she smiled encouragingly at her, hoping that casual conversation would make her feel comfortable enough to say what she wished to.

"Joan, I am sorry, I do not remember where I have meet you before, but you look very familar to me"

"I am not sure if we have meet, but we live near one another. And I am often in the market as I know you are, so perhaps there"

"Oh, yes, of course! You do live close by to me, and I see you in the market on occasion. I sometimes wish I was better at remembering faces, but since I am still fairly new here, sometimes it is hard to remembe-"

"Ms Rochester, I'm sorry. I am so embarassed, I hardly know how to ask you. My husband, Mr Olsen, left the party quite some time ago, I have not been able to find him and I fear he forgot to collect me before he left-"

Something had caught the ear of Mr Rochester and he excused himself from the friends he was speaking with, turning round to Jane and her new aquaintance.

"Ms Olsen, I met your husband on the way out. He was quite unwell, and as a result I am sure was in a stooper enough to forget his manners. It is no bad reflection on you, I assure you."

She looked like tears may well in her eyes before Jane placed a hand on her arm,

"Ms Olsen, you shall ride home in our carriage. You are on the way, and of absolutely no inconvenence. Besides, I should love the oppertunity to get to know you better".

She nodded uncomfortably, glancing back and forth between Jane and Edward.

"Thank you to you both. Your kindness has saved me much humiliation tonight"

"But of course, we are neighbours afterall. It looks like we are starting to disperse for the night, indeed, it is quite late- later than I thought. I saw Adele only a minute ago-".

"Jane, I shall go and find Adele, you and Ms Olsen can put on your cloaks and meet me in the front foyer. If I could take a guess, she is in the room with the sweets".

Jane smiled as Mr Rochester walked off. However, despite his intentions, he was immediately stopped by a man standing in the doorway of the ballroom.

"Come Ms Olsen, I do believe we shall be much faster in going to find Adele" Jane said, amused.

"He seems to be a favourite amongst the guests tonight" Ms Olsen said, gesturing to Mr Rochester who now had a large crowd standing around him as she and Jane navigated their way through the crowd.

"He has not been to a ball such as this for quite some time. I think people are happily surprised to see him" Jane said, smiling, "-Though he is absolutely wonderful to talk to"

. . .

A few minutes later the Rochester party stood in the foyer, thanking the Eshtons. A very sleepy Adele leaned into Jane as they spoke.

"Thank you, dear friend, for coming. Indeed your presence outshone the host- though I cannot say in that I am surprised. And thank you for bringing your lovely wife"

Jane nodded at him, smiling with a polite nod

"You rather exagerate, but it has been a pleasure Eshton, Ms Eshton"

"And thank you, Ms Olsen", Anne interjected, seeming to wake Ms Olsen from a trance. Jane was thankful Anne had not left her acknowledgement until last.

"Thank you for the invitation. I had a wonderful time".

Jane felt a sadness in the pit of her stomach, for she knew this was false. But Anne understood, and promised that the next time she invited Jane over for tea, she would be more than welcome to join as well. Ms Olsen nodded gratefully and left with the Rochesters who loaded into the carriage one by one. Edward helped the ladies up over the steep step which was easy to miss under their dresses. Ms Olsen looked surprised as he held out his hand to her, but accepted it and entered the carriage first.

. . . . .

Adele fell asleep during the ride home. It left the time for Jane, Ms Olsen and Edward to talk. But because Ms Olsen was still deeply embarassed by her husbands less then appropiate behavior, she spoke with no natural ease and with a mind that was clearly absorbed in other thoughts. When they arrived at her house, Ms Olsen gave a stiff but grateful goodbye before being meet by a servant in her drive. Edward had made a move to stand and exit the carriage to help Ms Olsen down, but she turned on him as she grasped the door and sighed.

"Thank you, Mr Rochester, for your great kindness to me. I needed assistance in a ride home tonight, but I will not trouble you to treat me like a lady when my situation clearly enforces I am not one"

"Ms Olsen, whatever your husbands actions, they are not yours. You may apologise for him, if you feel you need to. But we will not accept any apologies for your own proper interactions" Jane said, firmly.

At first Ms Olsen looked surprised at Jane's tone, but quickly she relaxed and nodded,

"Thank you, Jane. Not one in one hundred women would have answered me with the honesty you just have. I heard I could expect such from you. Goodnight"

And with that, she began the walk to her house and vanished behind the main door.

Upon arriving home themselves, Adele brought into the house by Mr Rochester. Leah and John were still up to meet them, helping Adele out of her cloak. As John went to put away the horses and Leah went upstairs with Adele, Edward turned to Jane.

"My darling, come, you look as if you are about to collapse into my arms in sleep"

His lips pressed into her temple as he took her hand in his, leading her up over the stairs.


	69. Chapter 69

Hello Everyone!

This chapter is a long one! I have been so busy lately that writing consistantly has been a challenge, so I am sorry for the long waits. But my schedule is clearing up now, so you can expect more consistancy from me.

Thank you all, so much for reading. I can't even tell you how much it warms my heart to read your comments, I absolutely love getting them and I am so truly grateful for all the suport.

I hope you are all well, take care!

xoxox

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Jane got changed as quickly as she possibly could that night. She splashed her face with water, unpinned her hair and got dressed in her robe before leaving her room to check on Adele. Jane indeed still wore her husbands housecoat that she had obtained in the first days of their marriage in private, but when she was outside their room, she adopted a rather more suitable one.

When Jane opened the door to Adele's room to look in upon her she found that she was already sound asleep. She crossed the room with caution and moved beside her bed, smoothing Adele's hair and kissing her forehead. Jane moved away from the bed and closed the curtains of the window for she knew that if she did not, Adele would wake up with the sun and not rest again until she had woken everyone in the house. The thought made her smile. She paused momentarily to admire the beautiful night sky- how calm everything looked. How still. She thought she could even see the beginning of a snowfall.

Outside in the hallway Jane ran immediately into Leah, who looked very preoccupied with the stack of linens she carried in her arms.

"Oh, m'lady, I am sorry that I put Adele to bed without your permission"

"Oh no Leah, I am very grateful that you did. She was so tired in the carriage on the way home. Indeed, I am sorry you are up so late and working, at that! I know you must be tired. I am mortified if I gave the impression that you had to work tonight".

"Quite tired, I'm afraid. But you gave me no such impression, I am just keeping busy"

Jane took the stack of linens from her arms and looked firmly at her.

"Then I wish you goodnight. And I want to thank you for all you have done, truly".

"No, I wanted to thank you, m'lady. I- Well, when it was first learned that you and Mr Rochester were to move I admit I feared that me and Mr John would be out of work. It would have been understandable, for we are not young, nor as useful as we once were. Yet I somehow knew I would not be abandoned in my old age".

Jane took her hand in hers,

"No, Leah, it is I who should be thanking you. This year has been one of great change for me, in which I have had to learn a lot. You have only ever been gracious to me, and kind when I have faltered. No one has been quite so generous with me as you have. If my thanks can be conveyed in the simple action of having you part of my home as a mentor and friend, I am more than lucky"

Leah smiled, nodding.

"You are a wonderful mistress, madam. The best I could ask for. Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas Leah, and to John as well".

As she turned and walked one way down the hall Jane turned to walk the other way. She opened a closet in the hallway and placed the linens inside, making note to return the next day to fix up the untidy stack she had created. As she closed the cuppboard door she turned to see her husband leaning characteristically in their bedrooms door frame. They smiled at one another as Jane approached.

"What is it?"

He pushed away from the door frame, standing before her as she reached him. The smile that illuminated his face was one of absolute prideful love and admiration.

"Nothing, nothing at all"

Jane raised her eyebrow, looking up into his dark eyes.

"Hm, I see"

He kissed her forehead sweetly and placed his hand in the small of her back.

"Bed?"

. . .

Jane watched Edward intently move about the room. He washed his face eagerly before shedding his clothes onto the floor- it was too late to worry about properly putting it away. He stood completely naked as he searched for his nightshirt which he could not see was hung over a nearby armchair, completely unaware of how desireous it made Jane to see him so unaware of his own beauty. Jane grinned to herself as she covered herself in the blankets from the bed. Edward eventually located his night shirt and in pulling it over his head looked up at his wife.

"You watch me, my darling"

"Indeed"

"I cannot imagine why"

"I like what I see, and I want it in my bed at this moment"

He chuckled as he climbed over the bed, the fire illuminating his beautiful form through the light material of his nightshirt. His loose curls hung around his face, which he pushed back easily with his hand as their lips meet. She immediately drew him nearer to her, deepening the kiss. She tugged unconsciously at the neckline of his shirt, trying to get to his skin, to get closer to him. This action made him smile into the kiss. His hand moving up Jane's leg and to the hem of her nightdress before she broke the kiss, looking up at him. Her hand traced his cheek affectionately as he looked questionally at her.

"Edward, not tonight, I'm sorry. I fear my very skin burns with desire for you, yet I am so tired, even now I could fall asleep".

He pressed his lips gently to Jane's forehead.

"No, of course. Do not apologise my darling"

He relaxed back into the bed, drawing her to his chest, but Jane turned to him, propping herself up on her arm slightly.

"But, if you are still willing to indulge me a little bit..."

Jane tugged her husbands nightshirt off over his head with his assistance without the slightest objection. He grinned amusedly at her as his naked form was once again exposed. She knew he smiled at her open honesty in her desires, for he often commented on how happy it made him feel. She in turn pulled off her own nightdress so that their bare skin touched as she sat up and climbed on top of him.

"Mmm" he moaned, wrapping his arms around her waist and looking deeply into her eyes "Now you are just teasing me"

Jane ran her fingers along her husbands back, tracing the scar on his shoulder lightly and bringing her lips to it. She felt his body slightly shudder beneath her touch and the thought made her chest expand and fill with joy. She knelt up, straddling both sides of his legs so that she could kiss his neck gently, sucking slightly in a teasing and loving way. She felt his hands grip her side as he drew the space between her breasts to his skillful lips. She gasped slightly as he kissed her breasts, throwing her head back. Her mind was unable to concentrate anymore on the kisses she had been planting along his neck and collarbone.

"Sweetheart?"

"Yes?"

"You are driving me mad'

Jane relaxed back against him once more. She felt his hand rub her back reassuringly as his other hand slipped between her legs. She felt his thumb brush her womanhood slightly, and with rather embarassing force, her body responded by thrusting into his touch. He chuckled, looking into her loving gaze.

"You do want me, don't you?"

"Mmm"

She kissed him in response, his arms pulling her into a close embrace. The sexual energy that had run strongly between them had turned to a less desperate, and more loving one. It was one of the skills they had aquired in their marriage. Jane never felt unsatasfied, even if she couldn't engage in lovemaking, because Edward someone knew how to make her feel excessively loved, if with nothing else other then a look, a touch, or a kiss. With this, she could never feel unsatisfied, and she knew the same was true of her husband. As frequently as they made love, as passionate as it was at times, and how slow and gentle at others, to him, her hand touching his chest, her lips pressed to his lips, her fingers tracing his scars, her voice in his ear was what he craved above all else.

"Now, tell me Ms Rochester, how do you feel after having survived your first ball?"

"I feel wonderful, and that you know"

"I do indeed, you were practically glowing the whole of the night"

"That is because I am happy. Happy to be seen as your wife, happy to dance, happy to see you so well admired by all around you. I am just so happy about so many things"

He chuckled softly as they relaxed back into bed, Jane laying against his chest. How perfectly she fit into him.

"Tell me them all"

Jane paused in thought.

"I am happy that it is Christmas Eve. That little Adele lies asleep down the hallway, that through that window I can see snow falling in large and heavy flakes to the ground, that all is very quiet and still-"

Jane paused again, still looking outside into the snowy winter night.

"And I am happier than I could ever express in knowing that I lay here on your chest listening to the sound of your heart. There is no greater form of love that I know".

"Come here" he breathed softly.

He pulled her chin towards his mouth slowly and kissed her lips sensously. When the kiss broke he put his hand to her cheek, caressing it naturally with his thumb. She smiled into his eyes and kissed his lips briefly before laying back into his embrace.

"Merry Christmas Edward"

"Merry Christmas, my love"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Jane?"

Jane felt her husbands hand on her shoulders, trailing down her arm gently. She stirred from her sleep easily, the tone of his voice indicated that nothing was wrong, and so she let her eyes flicker opened easily. The room was still mostly dark, though she knew if she pulled back the curtains even the smallest bit, a flooding of warm dawn light would fill the room and cover them. She turned to see her husbands face, laying beside her, flushed and full with feeling.

"My darling, I am sorry. You have been resting, and I have tried to sleep beside you, but I cannot"

Jane's hand reached for his and held it tightly.

"My love, why can you not sleep?"

"It is you, Jane. I have watched you for hours laying beside me and all I have wanted is to take you into my arms and make love to you, slowly and passionately. I need to see your head roll back, to see the way your eyes slightly cross when you are overtaken. I need to hear you. You will think me a brute for waking you up to express such, especially with you saying that you were tired-"

"Well now I have slept" Jane said, releasing his hand from hers with a grin and moving closer to him, placing her chin on his chest.

"And what is it that you would like now?" her husband asked.

"Well, I should only like to go back to sleep if you have sufficiently, and thouroughly tired me out".

The words were hardly out of her mouth when his lips met hers in a passionate embrace. He pulled the blankets back from around her, revealing her to be laying on her stomach. His hand traced around her leg lightly before sliding up to the top and to her bum. He moved atop her, bringing his lips to the inside of her thigh, and kissing her sensuously before moving to the other side, all the time masaging her bum and hips. She moaned deeply into her pillow, clutching it to her as his skillful lips moved to every place she needed to be touched. She gasped sharply, her breath coming up short as he lifted her hips and moved beneath her, his lips finding her most intimate area.

"Edward" she breathed.

Edward pulled his face back from his work, listening to the silent protest of Jane's moan as he stopped. She felt his smile against her skin as he kissed her softly on her lower back.

"Darling, let me love you in this way"

Jane nodded, sighing deeply.

"Yes love?"

"Do not stop"

"No?" he murmured in her ear,

"Please. Do not stop."

He chuckled softly at his wife as he willfully obeyed her command, resuming his position beneath her. Jane felt her stomach burning, expanding to an unbareable degree. She felt as if she was about to burst, the groan coming from her mouth sounding quite foreign to her. Her raised hips gave him perfect access to her,and as she started to shake under the influence of his lips, unable to control herself any longer from spilling over the edge, he pulled back.

"Why-" she began to debate,

"My darling, I plan to make you wild with desire. To drive you to the very brink in every way I can. Do you trust me?"

Jane looked into his dark eyes. How warm they were even now as they burned with longing.

"Of course I trust you".

He turned her over onto her back so that he could move to enveloping her lips. His kisses felt so complete, they took every other feeling away from her mind- she could focus only on him. It was his smell, his touch, the way she gripped his arms, strong and muscular. As their lips continued in a passionate embrace she felt him prop himself up slightly, moving one of his fingers into her core with absolute familiarity.

The sensation immediately overtook her. The kiss broke as she panted slightly when he stroked within her, indeed she felt so close to the edge that her head spun with expectation and need.

"Stay with me love, look at me"

Jane brought her face back to his, she did not notice how close he was to her when her eyes closed and her head had fallen to the side. As he moved his fingers in one deep motion Jane bucked up, her back arching, her face torn in equal pain and bliss. How could he tease her so, how could she be so helpless in his presence. It was frustrating, she could not have him yet, and she needed him _now._

She forced her eyes opened again, she wanted to see him, to have her gaze fixed on him so that she could communivate with her eyes what confused words could not.

"You are so beautiful" he wispered softly, but she could muster no other answer than a frustrated moan. She wanted him to be more swift with her, to move faster and harder. But he insisted on his slow and sensous rhythm.

"I know darling, but do not fight for it, it will come"

Jane clung tightly to him as he inserted another finger against her in a new spot. She wrapped her arms around his back, her nails clawing his skin in desperation. He smiled at the feel of her hot breath on his collarbone. Her small noises were becoming more desperate, her breath shorter. She exhaled sharply, her plea overtaken by a deep, silencing kiss. As she thought she could bare no more he once again stopped, taking his teasing fingers out of her and moving his lips to her breast. He focused on her nipple, cupping one breast in his hand while the other was occupied by his mouth. She pushed her heels into the bed, throwing her arms over her head.

"That's it sweetheart, be still for me"

She tried to stop her writhing beneath him as best she could, to oblige him and to please herself in obeying, but it was harder than she thought. Her head was dizzy with desire, feeling equally like a feather and like a ton of lead. She never felt so aroused in her life, had she not woken up needing him so badly she would have loved this torture, but in this moment it was only torture that she could not have him. As his tounge flicked the small peak of her breast she cried out unexpectantly. Edward grinned against her skin, looking up at his wife's face with ardent love.

"Tell me" he implored, "Tell me what you want, my darling"

"I want you" Jane begged, her husband kissing away the single tear of frustration that had slipped from her eye. "I need to feel you inside me"

He smiled at his wife, holding her face in his hand

"Jane, the way you just called out-"

"Mmm, I shall do it again if you will give yourself to me"

He spread her legs with his knee easily, moving once again over her. He kissed up her stomach, to her shoulders and to her collarbone before lingering on her neck. She gasped, eyes closed, into his feather light touches, desperately pulling him nearer to her.

"You are so wet" he breathed softly to her, but moreso to himself, his hand running proudly over her soft mound. Her only response was laboured breathing.

Finally, at long last he positioned himself and filled her instantly with the ache that had been panging in her since he had woken her. She contracted around him, feelings of love surging through her body in waves. She cried out in final relief, a sound that to her husband was was better than any music, finer than any sound the world could create. The sound of her golden voice was divine, the only thing he needed to hear was-

"Edward"

It tipped him over the edge. He rocked into her, the perfect pace establishing cries and begging and moaning from his wife. But as she felt him becoming harder, and she felt herself slipping away from anty chance of recovery, she put her hand on his chest.

"Wait" she said hastily, and her husband stopped immeidately, looking into her face.

"Jane, are you alright? Have I hurt you?"

Jane shook her head, closing her eyes and smiling.

"No, you have not hurt me. I do not want you to finish before I can have my way with you"

The sound of her words made his heart throb, that she stopped them in the middle of breaking her over the edge because she did not want him to finish before she could make love to him. The thought tore at his heart.

"Then sweetheart, let me help you finish, and then you can do what you want with me".

"Be fast" she breathed, "I need you"

He moved her above him, ready for his action which he knew would have her crumpling in his arms in a matter of seconds. He pressed his thumb into her sensative area, applying pressure to her womanhood so that her moans and groans resumed. He then moved his lips to her private area and within seconds of his skillful mouth entering her, her body was flooded with waves of euphoria. Her body shook with pleasure after the long-awaited result had come, his scent filling her head, his touch burning her like fire. He moved away from her, laying beside her so that she could recover, regain her hitched breath, and slow her racing heart. Without looking at him, without opening her eyes, she felt for his hand, and in entertwining it with hers, placed it over her heart. It was enough to touch him, to feel him close- to know the protection he guarded her with, always.

"Ms Rochester, you are-"

"Not finished yet" she said, breathlessly.

Still recovering from her high, but wanting to feel him inside of her, she moved atop her husband, pulling him into a sitting position and straddling him. He groaned at the feeling of her weight on him, he loved when she was filled with the passion to take control. She moved her lips to his in desperate need, ajusting herself easily so that she could insert him inside of her. The reaction was instant. His low, masculine groan echoed in her ears as she began to move, slowly at first, but then rapidly. He was perfect, she thought, watching his face contort and strain. It did not take very long for her to climax again, and him to reach his peak, releasing himself within Jane.

Their joint cries rang momentarily in the still air.

Jane, tired and overwhelmed, fell onto her husbands chest, her face resting in the soft place between his neck and shoulder. She felt his heart pounding in his chest as he raised his hand to rub her lower back. She closed her eyes, trying to slow her own breathing. The vulnerability of making love caused her heart to crumble apart every time, but the deep love she felt for her Edward, and the deep love she felt in return, pieced it back together with the reassurance that it was stronger now then ever before. How lucky she was, to feel no fear or reservation in the face of her husband. He was the keeper of her soul, and she was the keeper of his. Nothing could be more divine than that.

Jane felt Edward lean back into the headboard, but she was too tired to look up from his shoulder. He moved her with him, gathering the blankets from the bottom of the bed and covering her in them. It was such an intimate action. She cuddled into his strong frame, feeling safe and reassured with his arms wrapped around her. His lips brushed her temple softly, sweeping over her brow.

. . .

"What was your first time like?" Jane asked some time later.

At one point she had gotten out of bed to open the window coverings and let in the morning light- the sunrise was too beautiful to ignore behind thick curtains. They had lay together for quite some time in silence, simply observing the scene outside, how the warm morning melted the chilled night. But suddenly Jane had the thought cross her mind and so she asked it out loud.

"My first time with a woman?"

"Mhm"

He looked slightly apprehensive, a look Jane was not used to seeing on him. He faced the window, so the thoughts which played over his face were heightened by the orange light which flooded all it could touch in the room.

"I have not asked before, because I know it does not matter, not to how I feel about you anyways. But, seeing as you know what my first time was like.."

He smiled at their memory, looking back into Jane's eyes.

"No, perhaps it does not matter much, but I promised to tell you anything you wished to know. I was sixteen when I was first with a women. It was an extremely awkward situation. I had been around the house much in the summer, for my plans to go and stay with my uncle in London had been changed last minute and I had no occupation. There was a girl who worked in the kitchens of the house, I do not believe she was there for very long, but she found me one day in the barn in midafternoon and sort of came onto me. Believe it or not, I was niave then, and I didn't quite sure what she was implying I do for her. It was rushed, and unfeeling and ended very quickly."

"Did she like you? I mean, did she fancy you?"

He smiled, "No darling, I do not believe she did. Or at least, I think she fancied the money that she would be granted if it turned out she was pregnant as a result. Again, I was young and foolish, I had no idea of the way these things play out, I was terrified afterwards".

"But nothing came of it?"

"No, like I said, I do not think she was in the house very long before she left again, so it all amounted to nothing".

Jane thought for a moment, but her thoughts were quickly interupted by a question.

"Did you never wonder, Jane? Were you never tempted by a man?"

"I had natural curiosities, yes. But the men I was surrounded by were horrible creatures, and they made us all believe that we would go straight to hell if we indulged in affection from a man. I pushed those feelings to the side, and concentrated on other things-"

"Like what?"

Jane grinned at him, "Like my work, and advertising for a position outside of Lowood school".

He smiled,

"Then you came to me"

"Indeed" she said, looking into his angelic face. "And all the feelings I had pushed to the side came rushing to the surface, threatening to smother me in their power. You awakened every need in me that I did not even know I had"

A strong, deep, and loving kiss was his response.

"You musn't tell me such things, love. They drive me to the brink of insanity".

Jane let him smooth her hair for a second before she looked more seriously at him,

"Is there a reason you did not want to tell me? I am not used to seeing that look of hesitance on your face when I ask you a question"

"No, it is not that I tried to hide something from you, it is only that it was so senseless, and meant absolutely nothing. In ways I wish I could have been for you what you were for me. Perhaps you would have enjoyed it more-"

"I would not have" Jane said, firmly. "Your experience made it perfect for me, it was easy for me to trust you"

"And how vulnerably you trusted me. You surprised me that night, Jane. You were so unafraid, you were so receptive. I was scared that my desire for you may frighten you off"

Jane shook her head, playing with the hair on his chest,

"I knew that while I did not know what to do, you would keep me safe. You soothed me, you asked me to trust you, and I did with me whole heart. You would never have forced me to do something I was not ready to do"

"No" he agreed softly, "I could never do that to you. I loved you too dearly then, and I love you too dearly now to make such an intimate act one that was harmful or unpleasant to you".

"Still" she continued, "At times you must have wanted to indulge yourself more than you did. When we first made love you made it about me alone, and all the pleasure was given to me"

He corners of his mouth curled up slightly as he bit back the happy memory.

"I wanted you to know the full extent of what intimacy could be, and I didn't want to push it on you too quickly. It was true then, and it is true now, my greatest pleasure comes when I can see you are satisfied"

Jane kissed his jaw appreciatively, she knew that her lips in that spot undid him every time.

"Besides", he maintained "I knew my time would come. And it has, a hundred times over my wildest expectations".

A few moments of silence as she lay against his skin,

"What is the difference?"

"In what, darling?"

"In making love to someone you love, and to someone you do not"

"Everything" was his ready response, "Everything is different. Everything is deeper, everything is more loving, everything is more divine. You forefit yourself to someone you love, and you put up walls with someone you do not. One act is selfish, and self indulgant, because you serve only to please yourself- the other is the deepest form of selflessness there is, because give up yourself in becoming one with the other person".

'That is beautiful"

"All divine things are beautiful, and you, Jane Rochester, are divine".

He played with her fingers as she spoke, and when he was finished he pressed his lips at length to Jane's forehead before kissing her brieftly as he pulled away.

"My love, you should try and go back to sleep. You had such a long night, and you were so tired going to bed"

"I'm not sure I want to. Talking with you is so much better than sleep"

He chuckled, "I agree with you, but we can't have Ms Rochester falling asleep at the Christmas table tomorrow, can we?"

"No, I suppose we cannot".

She turned over so that she pressed her back into her husbands chest, his arms enveloping her. From here, she could see the morning sun for herself, its orange glow still filling the room. She heard the low hum of her husbands voice in her ear, one of the most comforting sounds in the world. Everything in that moment was perfect.


	70. Chapter 70

Jane woke several hours later when the sun had fully risen and illuminated the whole room in a bright but warm glow. She woke before her husband, and carefully untangled herself from his arms before going to the washroom to freshen herself up.

She caught a glance of herself in the mirror, and what she saw made her smile. There was a thin sheen of sweat over her skin, and she was radiant- Her eyes were bright, and her whole face radiated and embodied how truly happy she felt. She could not have been more content in that moment if she wished.

After washing and dressing, Jane walked back over to the bed and sat beside her sleeping husband. She leaned down and pressed her lips to his cheek, and moved her hand to his forehead before he started to stir.

"Edward" Jane said softly, shaking his arm gently.

"Mmm" he grunted,

"Its time to get up, breakfast will be very soon"

He stretched lazily before fully looking at Jane, his face settling into contented happiness.

"You look beautiful this morning"

"Thank you very much"

"I mean it, you are radiant"

"You have given me a reason to be"

A soft kiss.

"Must I really get up now? Can I not wait any longer?"

"Mr Rochester, am I to indeed believe that you are becoming too old for these early morning love-making session? It seems to have done you in"

"No, you wicked creature. _You_ have done me in"

Jane grinned as he took her hand and brought it to his lips.

"I shall be waiting for you downstairs"

"No!" he begged, tugging playfully at her arm as she went to stand up "Stay with me"

"Edward I must go!"

"Why"

"Because, I-I must be downstairs to-

"To what?"

Jane grinned,

"Stay"

Jane leaned in and pressed her lips to Edwards, feeling his hand move to the small of her back and hold her steady.

"I'll see you downstairs, Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas my love"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Downstairs, Jane was immediately met by a gleeful Adele, who bounded towards her and jumped into her arms.

"Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas Adele! how did you sleep?"

"Good. I was so tired last night, I do not even remember getting into bed"

Jane smiled, lifting her back to the ground and rubbing her arm,

"I know, we kept you out quite late"

Jane and Adele walked towards the library together.

"Oh, but I had the most marvellous time. The girl I was with, Sophie, she was wonderful. We had such fun together. I think she will be my best friend forever"

"Adele, that is wonderful news. You shall have to invite her here before you leave again for school, we would love to meet her!"

As Jane and Adele sat on the library couch, a momentary sadness flashed over Adele's face and Jane instantly felt sorry. She had no intention of bringing Adele back to the horrible school she had been placed in. It was an unfortunately familiar situation. The school had a wonderful reputation, with wonderful teachers and credentials advertised, but the reality of the situation was far from the expectation. Jane had been searching over the past few weeks for a school better suited for Adele, but she did not want to bring the subject up to her, not yet. She wanted her to have a wonderful Christmas, and to not worry about the changes to come.

"Yes" replied Adele, "I should be very happy for that. I will ask Mr Rochester later"

"Ask me what?"

Adele turned to see Mr Rochester walking towards her, and she ran to hug him tightly. He smiled knowingly at Jane- for he knew that Jane loved to see him more affectionate with Adele than he had previously been.

"I was going to ask you if I could invite Sophie over for tea, that is before I have to go back to school"

"Who is this Sohpie?"

"Mr Eshtons neice. I liked her very much, and she liked me too"

"Alright then, tea can be arranged. I shall send Eshton a letter tomorrow to arrange it"

"Oh thank you, thank you!" she said, kissing his cheek. She ran off around the corner to find Leah in order to tell her the news before Jane turned back to her husband.

"Edward, will you do something for me?"

"Of course, anything. Although it sounds rather serious, for all your sunshine is gone"

"I fear that such might be the case. It is Ms Olsen- I've been thinking about her. Her husbands actions last night, her late return home, her sentiments when leaving the carriage... I just have this feeling that things may not be quite right in that house this morning".

"Of course, I shall ride over as soon as I possibly can. Today would be impertinant, but tomorrow I shall go in the morning and inquire after both"

"Thank you" Jane said, squeezing his hand affectionately, "I appreciate it. I shall go with you, if you will have me"

"I will not. That man is a brute, and I will not have you around him"

"But perhaps I will be of some use there-"

"Jane, I commend your noble spirit which will not allow anyone to suffer, but you will do no good". Jane grew defensive at his tone, which was raised and angry. Her stomach turned uncomfortably as she looked at him.

"But she is a fellow woman, and I know what it is to suffer because of an abusive man. I was practically raised by them".

Edwards face turned dark and serious at her words, but he continued on.

"Exactly, you are a woman, and in his mind all you shall do is satisfy his dirty gaze and give him disgusting, filthy ideas"

Jane turned away from him and sat down on the couch.

"So that is all women can be- instigators of dirty ideas?"

He sat down beside her and reached for her hand but she tugged it away, and he sighed in frustration.

"Jane, of course that is not true. I do not wish to ever command you, or force any action upon you. But as your husband, it is my job to protect you. And if he were to touch you- I would never forgive myself"

"Then we must do something for Ms Olsen, for right now there is no one to protect her"

'I agree Jane, but a man's wife is-"

"Worthy of feeling safe."

He paused and sighed, nodding with certainty.

"Of course" he said guiltily, "Of course. Tomorrow I shall go and eye the situation. If we need to, we shall intervene, even if it is through lawful means".

Jane nodded, but in doing so she turned her gaze from him and looked towards the door, her hands crossed in her lap.

"My love, will you forgive me? I should not have said what I did in the way that I did. I know I am quite harsh"

"I am angry at the situation Edward, not you. I know the reality of that sort of man, what they are capable of, and why you want me to stay away".

"I'm not sure you fully do, Jane. Mr Olsen was arrested many years ago for running a compromising sexual house in Paris which he often frequented as a guest himself. Though Paris has many of such houses, his was notoriously filled with corruption, dirt, and crime. When it was discovered and shut down it caused quite the stir, and many of the women who worked there were cast out into the street, and he was set a court case".

"What a disgraceful man"

"Your words are kind Jane, for I can think of others that are far more fitting"

"But how is it then that you meet him during your time in Jamaica?"

"Well, he did not show up for his trial, and the authorities could not find him so the whole incident just was swept under the rug. When I arrived in Jamaica, I learned that he had moved there as well and was running the same sort of institution"

"How could he? How could his own conscious allow for that?"

"Because he had no conscious to interfere in the first place. Needless to say, I had nothing to do with him, but he did make enough of a name for himself and created enough of a stir to cause a problem in Jamaica which also got back to England. He was immediately sent for and arrested"

"Still though, how is it that you came to know him, and by name?"

"Ah yes, well" he began, shuffling awkwardly in his sear, "I encountered him first after I got in a bit of a fight with him while trying to defend a ladies honour"

"Oh, I see, you were playing the hero"

"Not exactly. I simply had too much to drink, along with caring for the young woman's reputation"

"I see"

Jane smiled slightly before Edward continued slowly,

"But it was not only that. He also was quite familiar with Bertha, on quite an _intimate_ level. I meet him, more than once in my house there alone with her, but only once caught them in a compromising situation"

"Oh Edward-"

"No, that anger is long gone. Any power he had over me is now gone too. Though when I see him now I cannot help but remember everything he has done, and all that makes up the horrible monster he is. That is why I do not want you to come".

Jane nodded, reaching for her husbands hand.

"I trust you. I trust that you know what is best. I'll not contradict your wishes"

"Please, just this once".

He pressed his lips to her forehead before pulling back,

"Thank you'

. . . .

The morning was absolutely wonderful.

Jane and Adele made cookies after breakfast down in the kitchen with Leah. Adele had never been in a kitchen, which was striking to Jane. As a servant, how many hours did she herself spend sitting in the kitchen, eating, warming herself by the fire, and finding someone to talk to when she was feeling lonely. The kitchen had always been a happy place for her, and she felt an odd sadness in knowing Adele would never know the simple pleasure of a fire, or of food when you are hungry, or a friend when you are sad. It was an odd sadness to have for someone, for all such things are a sign of being either deprived or unhappy. But still, such thoughts kept Jane grounded, and connected to the person that she had once been, and the person she still was in the quiet, laid to rest chambers of her soul.

When the cookies came out of the oven, the three women shared them over tea. They spoke of school, young gents, pretty dresses, good manners, and all other female things. It made Jane smile, for Leah, who was normally focused on her work and who was serious in her actions, was bright and cheerful in talking of her own experiences. Jane had never had a Christmas tradition, for she had never really had a Christmas at all, but she thought that this perhaps could become one for the future.

As they were talking, Mr Rochester rounded the corner.

"Ladies, excuse me. I do not mean to interrupt your conversation"

"Sir, you do no such thing" Leah said,

"Have a cookie" Jane said, handing one to him. He graciously accepted, biting into the cookie.

"Mmm, who am I to congratulate for these wonderful cookies?" he asked charmingly.

Adele beamed, both chiming in her and Leah's efforts.

"And what about you, Ms Rochester?" he asked, bending forward and stealing his wife's last bite of cookie.

Jane grinned while trying to give him a disapproving look, but Adele answered so that Jane could not reprimand him.

"She rolled the dough out the best, she made it so even"

Edward smiled at his wife, holding the back of her chair,

"Is that so? Well ladies, I did not mean to interrupt your afternoon, but I am glad I did in order to get this cookie. Jane darling, can I speak to you for a moment?"

Jane excused herself the kitchen and rounded the corner at the top of the stairs before her husband stopped her, smiling.

"What is it?"

"So, part of your Christmas gift was meant to be a surprise- no, you cannot give me that look"

"I have no look!"

"Oh yes you do, you cannot pretend like I cannot read you like a book"

Jane grinned, and closed her eyes, "No, continue with what you were saying, please"

"Well, remember how you wrote Diana and Mary a few months ago to ask if they would like to come for Christmas and you never received a response?"

"Yes, of course. It has made me quite uneasy"

"Well, they did write you, but in the towns fire not long ago the letter was lost'

"So how is it that you have come to know this!"

"When I was in town not long ago the postman ran out of the shop and told me that several letters were lost of ours, including one which he said was of a personal nature. Though he did not say who it was, I knew it was either Eshton, whom I had since spoken to and heard nothing from, or your cousins. So I wrote to them-"

"And!"

"And they asked to come and visit during Christmas. They were meant to come in two days time from now, but they experienced some issues in securing their home at the proper time and so they asked to come early"

"So they are here now?"

"They will be, in about half an hour. Would you like to join me? I said I would collect them at the train station"

"Of course I should like to come!"

He smiled, nodding. "I thought you may, shall we leave once you grab your cloak?"

. . . .

A few minutes later Jane stood in the porch, clasping her cloak together and pulling on her warm gloves.

"Darling, take my scarf, it is quite cold today and the wind is blowing"

"You will need it, surely"

"I will, but I have multiple, and your scarf has been missing for quite some time now. We shall have to remember to get you a new one, next time we are in town" he said, wrapping it around her neck and tucking it into her cloak.

"I feel so silly buying a new scarf when I simply misplaced the old one, but it has been so long now, I fear it is gone"

"I think we can find within our finances the money for a scarf, love".

Jane laughed, as he put his hand in the small of her back, guiding her out of the door.

The carriage ride was slower than normal because of the snow that covered the ground, but with Edward as her companion, Jane never felt the burden of time, in any span. But eventually, silence fell between them, and Jane spent her time looking out of the window. In time, Edward turned to Jane knowingly, and placed his hand on her knee.

My darling, is something the matter?

"No, I suppose not. I was only thinking of the last time Diana and Mary were here. I did not even get to say goodbye.I rejected their wishes to see me at that time, and the letter I wrote to them apologising I re-wrote about fifty times before I finally sent one which was not sufficient in the least in expressing my feelings"

"Jane, you must know that an apology from you was not needed. I know that you did not speak to them, and although I did, if only briefly, they were only saddened in knowing they could do nothing to help"

"I do know such, but the memory of that time-"

His hands wrapped around hers tightly, and he looked into her eyes with every ounce of honesty he could.

"If only I could take all your pain away, for I know how hard it still is, and how it weighs on your heart. I am so sorry. But you shall have me"

"And you have me" Jane promised, relaxing back into his arms. "With that promise, I fear nothing".


	71. Chapter 71

Jane and Edward arrived on the platform some time later. The train station was built an oddly small distance away from the town's centre, for it was much older than the actual town. It had all the charm of a very old and small towns train station, with only one box for the ticket seller and two benches outside on the platform. Here, at this time, it was absolutely quiet. Winters blanket of white had fallen over the station, covering the trees and benches in a peacefully silent hush. If animals moved in the trees or birds flew overhead in the sky, it went unnoticed by the pair which stood together on the platform.

After half an hour of waiting, however, the peaceful silence was interrupted by muttered angry remarks.

"Damn it" Edward grumbled, glancing down the track. "It is freezing here, and the train is beyond late"

Jane smiled slightly to herself, she found it almost endearing when he was frustrated, for he could not control it at all.

"Do they not realise that there are people waiting on the platform in the snow as they take their time?"

"Edward, do be reasonable. I am sure no one is wishing for the train to be slower. I am also sure that no one wants to work on Christmas, and thus you should be grateful there are people operating the trains today"

He glanced sideways at her, a small, frustrated look spreading over his face.

"Why must you always be some temperate Jane? Indeed, it makes me look quite bad"

"That is because your temper is a bad habit" Jane replied, turning to him fully and smiling slightly.

"It is a good thing I love you dearly, Jane Rochester. Otherwise I would be quite upset with you"

"It is that temper" she reminded.

At that moment, a train became visible in the distance, and Jane turned to face it excitingly.

"Look, here they come!"

The train pulled up at the station and the door was quickly opened as the conductor stepped out. Soon Diana and Mary emerged amongst a cloud of smoke, beaming at Jane as she came into view.

"Jane!" They called, jumping off the step and running towards her. Jane broke from Edward and ran to greet them, hugging them both tightly.

"Diana and Mary, I had no idea you were coming"

"We did not know that you would be here to meet us! Only Mr Rochester said that he would be coming. I fear we have caused him quite a bit of trouble. We were meant to come in two days time from now, but we unfortunately made a mistake in closing up the house and-"

"Your bags!" the conductor impatiently called from the train, holding both of them out dangerously as if he was about to throw them. Edward was soon at his side, taking the bags into his hands.

"Do not worry about that, he has not been inconvenienced at all. He was happy to hear from you again, and so am I"

Edward walked over to meet them, smiling warmly at them both and setting their luggage down on the ground as the train blew its whistle and began to pull away once again from the station.

"Ms Rivers', it is wonderful to see you both" he said genuinely, "I hope your trip was comfortable"

"As comfortable as possible with a train moving twice as slow on a snowy track. But all is well, thank you again for allowing us to come early-"

"Please, we shall hear none of that. You are family, and you are welcome at any time, with or without warning"

Jane smiled at Edwards words, squeezing his arm so that only he would know her appreciation. She knew that he was not raised to be a family man, and his life had not given him any reason to become so, and yet in marrying Jane he had made the effort to become one, and he had opened his arms to her own family without reservation. She felt a small squeeze in return.

"Come ladies, I shall not be responsible for everyone being sick this Christmas, we have been in the cold far too long. John has parked the carriage on the other side of the station. Its just this way".

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Back at the house, Diana and Mary became well acquainted with Adele, of whom they became extremely fond. Diana and Mary were both quite young in their demenor and even sometimes mind. Like Jane, they had always loved children, but they were better suited to play with children rather than to teach them. They were as good natured as children too in their ability to make level headed decisions with ease and goodness. And so, as Adele flashed them a plate filled with cookies that she and Jane had previously made in the day, they beamed with excitement. It was hard to not feel lifted in spirit around Diana and Mary.

"Diana, Mary, we have put you in separate bedrooms for your stay. I hope you do not mind, I know you have normally shared in the past"

They exchanged a small, almost guilty smile before turning back to Jane.

"Indeed, I think it will be quite exciting. But if it makes extra work for Leah, and John-"

"No, it of course it will not. By the time you leave us again, all the servants will have returned, and one extra set of sheets will not trouble them very much, I am sure of it. Indeed, as you know, we have many servants for a small household of only two".

"Three, right now" Adele corrected, and Jane nodded at her, winking.

"Then it is settled"

"Jane" Diana began, putting her hand on Jane's shoulder. "Would it be possible- I mean, would you consider it very rude if I were to have a lie down for a little while? I fear I am quite tired, and I understand that dinner is to be quite the event. I am scared that I will not last through the night if I cannot rest for a while now"

"Oh my, Diana, but of course. You are not guests here, you are family. You may do as you wish, you do not need to fear if something will appear rude. Especially not asking for some rest"

"Then I will not resist the temptation any longer either, I am off to bed" Mary said, grinning.

Before Jane could offer, Adele sprang up and volunteered to take them to their rooms.

With Diana and Mary having retreated to their rooms, and Adele no where to be found, Jane went back to her bedroom to have a moment alone. Though the day had not been overly eventful, she found herself to be surprisingly tired. So, she sat in her favourite armchair that sat in front of the fire, feeling its warmth over her face. She sighed deeply, leaning back and tucking her feet into the corner of the chair. Jane thought of perhaps picking up her cross stitch that she had been working on, but the far more tempting idea was to close her eyes and simply listen to the sound of the crackling fire.

A feeling of absolute peace came over her as she remembered an idea that she had clung desperately to during harder times in her life. Jane remembered that a person held solitude within them, at every moment. It only needed to be called upon in order to feel calm amidst a complete storm. How freeing that thought was. How many times did Jane sit in a corner of Lowood, looking for a piece of blue sky, or even grey sky, through a small window, hoping that one day she would not have to peer through a barred window to find it. It filled her with happiness to know how resilient her young and fragile heart had been in those times. When she believed she had nothing, she had herself. And that was more than enough.

. . .

Jane's head fell to the side and she was suddenly jolted awake. Looking around the room confusedly she saw that the sun was now near setting and the fire had largely died down, yet she did not feel its loss of heat for she had been wrapped in a blanket. She looked to her side and saw her husband reading beside her, his mind quietly and contentedly preoccupied in his words. For a moment he did not notice that she had woken, but when she stirred he looked up at her, his eyes softening as they fell upon her.

"I thought you would not mind me sitting with you, if I was very quiet"

"No" Jane said sleepily, "Of course not. But what time is it? I did not mean to fall asleep"

"Do not worry, I would have woken you in time for dinner if you had not woken on your own. You have plenty of time"

"You should have done so anyways when you came in, you did not need to sit in silence with your wife as company"

"And miss the sight of you sleeping? Never. Besides.." he said, leaning in closely to her, "I thought it was I who could not handle the early morning love making anymore"

Jane grinned slightly, the corner of her mouth curling.

"You are very unfair, you know. Most women can count on a lessening desire for her husband overtime, and she is free of the want which tugs on me at all times"

He had not moved his face away from hers, and as she tried to kiss him he pulled back, grinning teasingly.

"And what is it that you want?"

"You, in every way, shape, and form"

"Well, Ms Rochester, I can tell you what I want. I want to take you on that bed, or in this chair, or against that wall, where I can slowly remove every piece of clothing from you and then make passionate love to you until you are calling out desperately for me"

Jane shook her head, she knew her cheeks were flushed and that her shyness made her husband glow with a certain pride.

"And" he continued, "If I was not certain we would wake the lightly napping Diana and Mary, I should threaten you with such love this very moment"

Jane looked at him, and the sparkle in her eye made her husband tilt his head questionally.

"I won't make any noise"

Edward swept her into his arms and began moving towards the bed in one swift movement. Jane laughed as he tossed her down and moved over her swiftly.

"We shall see about that"

But as he began to kiss her neck there was hesitant knocking on the door that became very loud knocking.

"Jane? Jane are you in there?"

"Dammit" Edward breathed into her,

"Shh" Jane said to Edward, secretly annoyed herself.

"Yes Mary?" she replied,

"Is now a bad time?"

"Yes." Edward affirmed silently to Jane.

"No Mary, of course not"

Edward pulled himself off Jane and sat back on the bed, pulling a pillow over himself before Jane opened the door.

"I am so sorry" Mary said, "There seems to be a problem in the kitchen that Leah needs help with, and I cannot seem to be of any assistance to her"

"Of course, I shall be right down"

Mary smiled at Edward on the bed before she walked back down the hallway.

"Duty calls" Jane said, walking back to Edward and kissing his cheek.

"Indeed. I thought the point of having servants was so that I could have you to myself of all time"

"Excuse me sir, that sounds almost greedy"

"I would eagerly be called the most greedy man in England if it were you I sought"

Jane shook her head, smiling.

"Do not be out of my sights for too long"

"I don't think I could, even if I wanted to" he confirmed, kissing her hand.


	72. Chapter 72

Thank you for all your support! I am so, so grateful for it. I _love_ hearing from you, so please feel free to comment, or ask a question!

Hope everyone is well!

. . . . . . . .

Dinner was announced at 7 o'clock. Jane and Edward sat at their table with Adele, Diana and Mary. It was indeed very happy times, Jane did not remember a more pleasant table anywhere. After dinner Adele had rose from the table, tired of the grown up conversation, and left to play with her dolls she had gotten for Christmas. They talked, laughed, and drank with great happiness.

"But we are told that you sing exceptionally well!"

"And who started that ghastly rumour?"

"Your wife, and I fear that she does not lie"

Jane smiled into her glass,

"You were told incorrectly, I'm afraid. I wish I could tell you otherwise"

"Well since Jane firstly doesn't lie, and secondly is not prone to giving sentiments out that she does not mean, I remain sceptical"

He grinned darkly at Jane,

"Regardless. My story is not interesting, and I know nothing of your own musical accomplishments"

"Diana and Mary both play the piano excellently" Jane assured, nodding to them both.

"We were taught by Jane" Mary said, "When she first came to us. She was quite a patient teacher. We had never been taught before, and she thought it a good thing"

'Oh, I did not say they were excellent because I was their teacher, only because they took to it far better than I ever did"

"Jane is not happy unless she is serving other people" Edward assured, he turned so that he looked directly at her. "It is one of her most beautiful qualities. She could have never married me if she were the smallest bit selfish, for that is exactly what I fear I am".

Jane felt his free hand, which was not occupied in his easy smoking, move to rest on her leg under the table. She moved her hand so that their fingers could interlock without suspicion of the table.

"You both are the perfect model for marriage, it is hard to look at you both and not be jealous of your happiness" Diana said suddenly, smiling with a small hint of sadness. "I know the likelihood of me ever marrying are very slim, let alone marrying well"

"You forget" Jane reminded, "I did not believe I would ever marry. I did not even think of it. At the time, I had resigned myself to a life of self-fulfilment. Perhaps that is why when I did meet Edward, things could be so natural between us- because I never had the expectation that we could ever marry. I feel women oftentimes do that. They meet a man and immediately the pressure placed on them becomes to find out if he is married, if he is engaged, if he is otherwise interested, and finally how they can become tastefully part of a circle in which he may by chance speak with her, and interact with her in a way that will lead to security and marriage with love being quite secondary. No one deserves a life of misery where they are tied to someone they cannot love or respect. Do not throw away your own importance because you believe you will not marry".

Diana and Mary looked as if they had taken some fresh courage at her words, and Jane felt Edward radiate immense pride beside her.

"But surely, Jane. You have always had more personal power and strength than we have. You have survived, even when you should not have. You have found power in your darkest moments in only yourself. I would not know where to look to find self reliance"

"You do not need to go in search of it, it is within you at every moment. It is only recognising when to call upon it".

Edward squeezed Jane's hand affectionately, as Mary turned to him.

"Tell us, Mr Rochester, reaffirm that some men indeed want a strong wife"

"I can speak for most men when I say that they do _not_ want a strong wife, for they cannot have a woman who is better than themselves threatening their own importance. But to men who matter, men who are gentlemen and intelligent, they could only want a strong wife"

"Then why are women told the opposite?"

"It is easier for men that way. It gives them all the power" was his simply and sad reply. "Marriage can be dreadfully unfair. And an unhappy marriage can only lead to two very unhappy people. I fear you can trust me on this score, for I know personally"

Diana and Mary nodded knowingly, for they knew of Mr Rochester's past. It always surprised Jane now little they were phased by this news. Perhaps they had trusted Jane's word of his character, and why he deserved to be forgiven, and thus had never felt the need to hold him further accountable. Or perhaps not being present at the time sheltered them in some ways from its painful truth, and thus distance made it easier to accept.

"I suppose then that I cannot grieve not finding a husband at this point in my life. I shall be content"

"And I" agreed Mary. "To think some women have no husband and no family. We are very blessed with the latter"

. . .

The conversation continued on for quite some more time, long into when the stars appeared in the black night. But Jane found herself less and less focused on it. She had consumed more than one drink during dinner completely accidentally- brought on by ease and the simple need for refreshment, but this already made her far more intoxicated than she had ever been before and she felt its effects by the end of dinner. Edward glanced over at her as she struggled to keep her slightly glazed eyes opened. It went unnoticed by Diana and Mary, but he grinned broadly with great amusement at her.

"I am afraid-" he began, standing up and grasping the back of Jane's chair "I am quite tired. You ladies are much younger than me now, I fear I am an old man and I must retire"

Jane had a sneaking suspicion that he was not tired, rather he was more concerned with her.

"Do not be silly" Diana and Mary chimed in, "We were waiting for the announcement too. It is quite late"

All four people stood up, and Jane felt Edward grip her arm for support as she wobbled slightly to her feet.

"Thank you, very much for this wonderful dinner" Jane said, needing to focus on her words in order for them to flow out coherently.

"We must thank you. It is the best dinner I have ever had" Mary said,

"Jane, Mr Rochester"

Edward bowed to them as they took their leave together, hugging Jane briefly before heading out of the room. When the footsteps of Diana and Mary had died out in the hallway, Edward turned to his wife.

"Come darling, I believe it is time for us to get you into bed"

"Why do you day that?" Jane asked, her words slightly slurring together. She was less worried now about her words coming out clearly in front of just her husband.

"I think someone has had more drinks than they are used to".

"Hm?" said Jane, looking at him confused, "I don't think so".

He laughed, and guided her away from the table with his hand in the small of her back.

"Tell me, Ms Rochester, how was your Christmas, all in all?"

"It was wonderful. I could never have imagined having a happier Christmas in the whole of my life"

"Good" he affirmed, kissing her temple, "Because I have one final gift for you"

"Oh?"

He pushed opened their bedroom door and guided her inside, sitting down on the bed beside her.

"Jane, when thinking of a gift for you I did not even know where to begin. Everything I found seemed so unimportant and pale in comparison to the gratitude I feel when I look at you, or when you lie in my arms at night. How does one show their whole world they are grateful for it? It is like trying to thank the sun or the stars. But, I also know that gifts mean nothing to you- that material wealth holds no flame to true wealth. So last week, when I asked for your wedding band for cleaning, I had it engraved along with mine"

Jane stared at him, and then at the band around her finger. Slipping it off, she turned it so that she could read the inside, in which new letters had been scratched into the gold.

 _Wherever you are is my home_

Jane felt tears flood to her eyes, for she remembered when those words had fallen from her lips in an unguarded moment. She had just returned from her aunts house after having been away for a month, and as she walked across the grounds of Thornfield she had stumbled across her old master. She secretly thought that he had been waiting for her that day, as he had done many days before her return, but never thought to ask.

"Were you waiting for me that day?"

"Yes. I did so frequently in the time you were gone, hoping one day that I would just come across you and have a moment alone with you before the normal routine resumed. And that day, when you spoke those words to me-" he paused, his face taking on a nostalgic smile.

"I meant those words. I meant them as much as I have meant any genuine sentiment in my life. I was embarrassed they came out without my permission, but, I meant them in full"

He took her hand in his.

"You are my home, Jane. And no words will ever ring with so much truth"

"Thank you" Jane said softly, slipping the ring back onto her finger and touching Edwards face, caressing it with her thumb. "Thank you".

She did not know what else to say, but she knew he understood her, and her inability to say any more. Such small, touching gestures often could not produce the right words to express gratitude, and so to try would be to insult feeling. She pushed him gently back onto the bed and climbed atop him, pressing her lips to his softly. He gathered her closer to him as the kiss intensified, pushing her bum closer to him before pulling back reluctantly,

"We can't make love tonight sweetheart"

"Why ever not?"

"Because, you have had more than normal to drink and it would be unfair. I would be taking advantage of you, and that isn't right"

"I am saying yes now though. You are my husband, and I am fully in control"

He chuckled softly, moving a curl that had fallen out of her hair away from her face.

"Jane Rochester. God knows I do not need more tempting to want you more. But it wouldn't be right, and I will not do that to you. Is it not enough to just lay with me for a little while?"

Jane smiled and nodded as she stood and turned around so that her husband could help her undo the back of her complicated dress. He did so without being asked, and soon she was able to slip out of it. Within seconds they were both in bed. Jane was gathered to him, her forehead resting against his cheek so that she could feel the air from his nose. Her arm fell over his stomach, and his arm stretched across hers, holding her close to him, the other cradling her back. She slipped her legs between his and sighed deeply. Jane really would prefer this to anything else between them. This was divine, this was sacred. There was no facade here, only him. His smell, his touch, his sound.

"Edward?"

"Mmm" he mumbled sleepily,

"I don't feel very well"

"The best thing that can be done now is to sleep it off. I have had to do it one or two times myself"

"Mm" said Jane, "One or two?"

He chuckled and closed his eyes again.

"Yes, you wicked creature. Once or twice. Perhaps a third time".

Jane smiled and closed her eyes too. There was silence for quite a while.

"I'm hungry."

"Jane, how is that possible? You just ate"

"I know, I know. But I just am, all of a sudden"

"Can it wait until morning?"

"No, I don't think so. Its all I can think about, and I won't be able to fall asleep until it is out of my mind"

"Well, we can't have that, can we?" he asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"No, no, you sleep. I will be back in a moment after I've had something"

"No one should eat alone"

"No one should have to leave their warm bed either"

Edward looked at her sharply before sitting back, not breaking eye contact with her.

"Fine. We shall compromise. If you go downstairs and find some food and bring it back up, I will make up a spot made up by the fire in which you can eat your fine dining"

Jane smiled, standing up and tying her housecoat around herself.

"Sounds perfect".


	73. Chapter 73

The following few days were wonderful.

Jane, Mary, Diana and Adele spent much of their time together. They went on walks into town and around the grounds, talked and laughed, played music and simply enjoyed being truly in each others company. Jane learned in their talks one day why Diana may have been discussing marriage so ardently, and seemed more than usually disappointed in her current situation. As the ladies had set out on an afternoon walk, Diana and Adele walked further ahead than Jane and Mary, and Mary turned to Jane with a rather grave countenance.

"Diana is unhappy, Jane. She has been trying to conceal it from you, for she did not want to influence the mood of the holiday here, but she is quite sad"

"It is of a romantic nature, is it not? That is why?"

Mary nodded, walking slightly closer to Jane as she continued.

"Diana meet a naval captain, a Captain James Franklin, not very long ago at a party held by Ms Oliver, well, Ms Grover now. It was not the sort of party in which any men of his distinguished character should have been, and so no one was expecting him to be there. Yet, Ms Grover claimed a close acquaintance somehow tied to knowing his sister, and so he arrived out of his own good nature as he was passing through town"

"Seems very good of him indeed"

"Yes. Well, he and Diana were quite compatible with one another. I have never seen her so taken with another person in my life. Rather touching, to everyone present. But anyways, when the party was over he was suddenly vanished, and I could tell Diana and disappointed, yet when it is so brief an encounter I think the heart heals faster, and so soon she forgot about the Captain Franklin..until he showed up at our door not two days later".

"He came to your house?" Jane asked, surprised, "Without having anyone to introduce him? Indeed, he must have been very taken with her"

"Yes. And he sat for tea for nearly an hour before he left, promising to return again. Which he did, for two months, weekly"

"Mary!" said Jane, still quietly "But surely that sort of behaviour lead her to believe, quite strongly, that he had marriage in mind? You concern me now that you say she is quite sad"

"Well yes, that is exactly the problem. Diana heard the news some time before we arrived here stating that he was intended to be married to a Lady Dorit of London, quite different to the dear Diana we all expected to hear him make an announcement with"

Jane glanced ahead at Diana, now pointing something out in a tree to Adele.

"But Mary, this cannot be right. There must be something sinister, or at least quite unfair in the matter. No man visits a woman weekly for tea for two months to announce at the end he is engaged to be married to a lady in London. If he is indeed a naval Captain, he would have no need for a wealthy wife. A marriage to Diana would be perfectly right, and it seems would ensure a great amount of happiness".

"There is no consolation in this truth, I'm afraid. It will always be open ended, always be a matter of what could have been. I only hope that her heart is resilient enough to open itself again"

"It will" affirmed Jane, "I thought my heart had closed for the rest of its life at one point, indeed I prayed for such to be the truth. But, it is not within human nature to be sad, or forever heartbroken. We search for people and things to love, it is what sustains us".

"Still" continued Mary, "I should like to see this Captain Franklin again, and let him know exactly what I think of him"

"It would be wise that we do not see him. Who knows what he may be subject to under our anger"

They laughed together as they made an effort to catch up to the others in the party.

. . . .

Later, Jane sat at her bedroom vanity. She struggled to take her hair down from the elaborate way she had pinned it up. She grinned at her own appearance when she next glanced in the mirror, for her hair was bushy and quite wild. She began to brush it out, but the more she brushed it, the worse it was. Trying with difficulty to flatten it, the door swung opened and Edward stepped inside, throwing off his tailcoat in frustration. Jane paused what she was doing to watch him, but he was completely absorbed in his own thoughts. He unbuttoned his waist coat and threw that off before laying back on the bed, breathing heavily.

"What has happened to you?" Jane asked, taking out her pearl earrings and laying them on the stand before her.

"I am dreading something I am afraid I will have to do"

Jane stood from the dresser and moved to the bed, laying opposite her husband, she too looking up at the ceiling.

"I must give John his notice"

Jane nodded solemnly, turning her head to look at him beside her.

"I just caught him struggling down in the kitchen to move a rather light box. I cannot allow it to go on. It would be quite unfair to his health, and irresponsible of me as his master. But I do not imagine a way I can tell him that will not wound his pride. No man of his age deserves to have his pride called into question"

"I know, I have seen it for myself. It has been painful each time to watch him try so hard to disguise it".

"But Jane, having served my family so well, for so long, it just does not seem as if we can cast him off, never to see or hear from him again. I just wouldn't feel right"

"No, of course not. Do you have a solution?"

"No, I don't. Besides inviting him to stay as just a resident, which would also wound his pride, I cannot think of anything".

Jane rubbed his arm affectionately.

"Do not worry, we will work it out. I know you want what is best for him, and that is exactly what we will figure out how to do, for that is what I want as well"

"And Leah?"

"Leah is still an excellent and capable worker. But I know she will not work if her husband does not. Still, as you say, she has been as valuable to me as John has been to you, and I have grown very fond of her. I cannot imagine sending her on her way and not knowing what becomes of her".

"I know" he agreed, placing his hand over hers. "So, as you say, a solution will come".

Jane rolled onto her stomach so that she was facing him. She placed one hand on his chest, feeling the light material of his shirt. The other she ran through his hair intimately.

"You need a haircut"

He chuckled softly and nodded. He pulled softly at the ribbon which tied her hair together, and as it came undone he laughed.

"Well, well, Ms Rochester, look at you!"

"I know, I know, I tried to flatten it-"

"No, I like it, you look quite wild. Truly otherworldly"

Jane laughed as he reached up and pressed his lips to her jaw. She grinned at him. He was always so tender, in every action he did. And yet, he remained so masculine- always protective of her, always having his focus on her. Yet now it did not seem so imbalanced as it once was, for she found herself with her focus on him most of the time too. Even this small kiss on the jaw conveyed so much. In this case, it indulged her, for he knew she liked being kissed there. It was playful, yet it wordlessly reminded her of how no one would ever know her like this again- never love her like this.

She kissed his lips lovingly before pulling back and looking at him.

"Edward, do you know a Captain Franklin?"

"A naval captain, or a captain of the militia?"

"I'm not sure, I couldn't say"

"Then why is it you ask?"

Jane relayed the story of Diana's heartbreak to Edward in full, and at the end he lay back, thinking to himself.

"What a disgraceful man- to lead a woman on in such a way. Especially a man of his rank, and no doubt fortune, knowing that anyone who knew and cared for Diana would consider it a reassuring marriage for many reasons. It was very wrong of him indeed. I can look into his identity, if it would bring any consolation to Diana"

"I am sure she would like to know, but, I am not sure it would do her any good. I think it is best to let him drift into her memories, rather then let him sit in the forefront of her thoughts. Sometimes more knowledge is not better"

"I agree with you. Sometimes it is best to leave matters of the heart alone"

"That isn't the response I would expect from my Mr Rochester, who is all fire, passion, and love".

"No, but a person that loves you does not put you in a position where you feel alone. Where is the heart in that?"

"No" Jane agreed softly, "They could not"

Jane lay with her arm behind her head, looking up at the ceiling. Her thoughts were full, but with nothing in particular. The night was still, with heavy snow that fell in sheets and covered the sleeping earth. The fire crackling was the only sound that could be heard over Edwards beating heart. If only moments of peace like this could last forever.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Still, Jane came to know who Captain Franklin was- even without going in search of him.

Three days after Christmas, there was a knock at the door. Edward had gone on an errand he had promised Jane, and so she found it quite odd someone came in the middle of the morning, for no one would be coming to see her. John meet Jane in the library where she had been reading, stepping inside and bowing to her.

"I'm sorry to distract you, madam. But there is a gentlemen in the sitting room who insists on seeing a member of the family who is hosting the Rivers sisters. He said his name was a Captain Franklin"

Jane felt her heart skip a beat. Standing, she placed her book on the table beside her.

'Thank you John"

Jane walked into the sitting room, stepping in silently so she could observe the man before he noticed her presence. He was perhaps in his early thirties with straight dark black hair and dark blue eyes. He was tall, and very thin, yet this was balanced out by his attractive and well-maintained uniform.

"Hello" she spoke.

He sprang out of his seat rather awkwardly and turned to face Jane, bowing as he did so.

"Hello Ms. Rochester. I am Captain James Franklin. I am sorry for intruding, I know that we are not at all antiquated and that I join you during a special time, but I fear I owe an apology, and a great one that cannot wait. Is your husband home?"

"No, indeed he is not. But I know it is not him you have come to apologise to, and I am afraid the intended Ms Rivers is not home right now either"

His eyes lit up as Jane spoke. Clearly he had not been expecting her to know his purpose in coming, and his cheeks flushed with either defence or embarrassment.

"Ah, I see, you know why I am here"

Jane walked closer to him and gestured for him to sit once again, he graciously accepted and looked at her in anticipation as an awkward silence filled the space between them.

"I was told, yes. And because of that, I cannot imagine what your intentions are here. With all due respect Captain Franklin, you treated Diana very poorly. Part of the reason she joins us for Christmas here was to get some separation from the hurt she was feeling at home"

"I understand that. I understood the reason she left. But I just need a chance to make amends"

Jane paused, and looked at him intently.

"Captain, I cannot speak for my friend. And I will not make decisions for her. She is to return any moment, and I cannot say whether she will see you or not. But, I will not let her be hurt any further. I only warn you to be wiser than you have been, and have more kindness then you have previously shown".

"Ms Rochester, you have every right to look at me in an unfavourable way. But please, I did not mean to cause her any pain. I hope you know it was not my choice, rather-"

At that moment the door opened and Jane heard footsteps out in the corridor.

"John, where is Jane?" spoke a familiar voice, and in hearing the reply, Edward appeared in the doorway of the sitting room. He looked to Jane, and then to the man she was sitting with.

"Hello" he said, with some apprehension. He walked to Jane as she stood, watching the man across from her stand slowly, looking sheepish.

"Edward, this is Captain Franklin"

"I see" he said, placing his hand on his wife's shoulder.

"Your wife has kindly allowed me into your home, Mr Rochester. I owe a guest of yours here an apology"

"Indeed, I believe you do. Whether she is willing to accept it is a different situation"

Captain Franklin hesitated at his words, sighing before continuing.

"I know what your opinion of me must be. And for that I am very sorry. I had hoped that our first impressions of each other would not be like this"

At that moment, Diana and Mary rounded the corner, removing their scarves and laughing together. As Diana's eyes fell upon Captain Franklin the laughter fell from her face and was replaced with a look of shock.

"Diana" he said quickly, "Diana. Please, forgive me for showing up unannounced. I needed to see you".

"We will give you two some privacy"

"No" Diana said quickly, "No, Jane. That is very kind but you do not need to leave. Surely what Captain Franklin has to say cannot be so private that it cannot be heard by my family"

The Captain shifted his weight uncomfortably before looking up at the group which had gathered before him.

"I will speak the truth in front of whoever you want. I just want you to know what that truth is".

Diana and Mary sat before him on a couch, but Jane and Edward sat on the side in two adjoining armchairs. Jane felt Edwards hand close over hers as the Captain sighed, and looked at Diana with pleading honesty.

"Diana. Forgive me, please. I did not intend to hurt you. You must know that all I told you during our weeks of correspondence was true, and nothing was said in flippancy. I left you because I was forced to, because I found myself entangled with a woman I thought I was free from. You see, from the time I was a young boy I have been promised to a Lady Dorit, the daughter of a close family relation. Our parents had always intended us to marry, and so it might have been. Yet, Lord and Lady Dorit died tragically when their daughter was only 17, and she was taken in by an aunt who violently rejected me as a possible husband. I was cut off from all contact with her, and came to accept that I was free from any obligation I had to her. Much time has passed since then. This is when we met, and we came to form an acquaintance"

"And yet, that does not explain why you then left unexplained, or why you are here now"

"Of course, just a few weeks ago, I received a letter from Lady Dorit. She informed me her aunt had recently died who had prevented the marriage, and that she still believed our agreement held as I have not yet married myself. I agreed to meet her in order to convey that our agreement could no longer hold, for I had come to love another person and much time has passed from when I felt obligated to keep it. But, acquaintances who saw us meet took it as a sign that we had finally taken the steps to marry. Gossip travels too fast, whether it is true or false".

There was silence for a moment, and the room was filled with the weighing of the situation. Jane herself felt torn between the two accounts of his word. On the one hand she believed his story, as it was an old and common one amongst well-established families. On the other hand, there was no reason he couldn't have imparted this to Diana before he left, and been honest with her. Indeed, it would have saved much pain, and saved the trust that had ultimately been broken between them. Jane remembered that feeling, and how difficult it can be to rebuild such a broken bond.

"Captain Franklin-"

"James, please"

"Captain. There were ways you could have told me. I would have believed you, I would have trusted your word. What concerns me now is that you were not truthful with me. I do not even know what your purpose is in coming here. If I cannot be with you, I did not need to know this history. I could have continued to try and move on with my life-"

"But that is it, Diana. I do not want you to move on with your life unless it is a life with me. I made a mistake- but that does not change all we exchanged with each other during those weeks"

Diana looked to her sister, and then to Jane.

"Mr. Rochester, Jane. Would it be imposing of me to invite Captain Franklin to dinner tonight? Indeed, there is much to be said between us, and it cannot be said here now in a few minutes".

"But of course" Edward said, "While you are a guest here it is your home as well"

Diana looked back to the Captain, who looked grave and defeated.

"I extend to you an invitation to dinner. Perhaps before that time comes we could take a walk around the grounds. There is snow, but it is not cold"

Nodding slowly, he replied, "I should like that very much".


	74. Chapter 74

Hello all!

Hope you are well!

Please comment and let me know what you think of Captain Franklin! I would love to hear your thoughts 3

Next chapter soon. Thank you for all your continued support.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Should they be walking alone?" Jane asked, standing in the window with her arms crossed.

"We walked alone at one time, when it would have been considered quite inappropriate. You did not seem to mind then"

Jane looked back at her husband smiling. He was sitting in the library with her, which had a perfect view of the gardens down below, and had the best light at the peak time of day. He was reading before Jane had gotten up and moved to the window.

"Perhaps we should not have been left alone"

Edward chucked, "Why. Did you not trust me?"

She bent down to press her lips to his briefly,

"Not in the slightest"

Pulling back, she looked down at him.

"It is not because they are unmarried I object to them being out alone- it is his character I am not fully decided on. But then again, how much of a right do I have to develop an opinion of him when I know him so little?"

'You inarguably have a right in so far as you care for her, and you want only happiness for her. But do not let yourself be troubled by it, she does have sense and she will do what is best for herself. Jane darling, come and have a seat. Your pacing is making me anxious"

Jane laughed at the sweat she had worked herself into. She moved to the adjoining armchair beside her husband, only for him to stand, grinning and shaking his head. He walked to the window ledge and returned with the cup of tea Jane had left there.

"Oh, thank you" Jane said, "I do not know where my mind is today"

"It is a nice change for once. My lovely wife not being all-knowing, or completely composed"

"You wish" teased Jane, "Even in my most chaotic moments I could take you on in good sense"

Edward laughed, looking to Jane with a smile in the corner of his mouth.

"How very wicked you are, Jane. Drink your tea and behave yourself".

There was a knock on the door and Adele entered, her hands held behind her back.

"Hello Adele" Jane said, patting the couch beside her "Come and sit"

Edward shot Jane a slightly annoyed look as Adele sat, looking oddly sombre and thoughtful.

"I heard about Diana's story this afternoon. I am so sad for her. I just spoke to Mary who told me that Captain Franklin will be staying for dinner. Why is he aloud to come to our dinner if he is a bad man?"

The door opened again and Mary stepped inside, smiling a small, forced smile.

"Hello. I didn't want to sit alone in my room anymore, so I thought I would come in here"

Jane nodded, and looked back to Adele.

"We don't know that he is necessarily a bad man, Adele. He may be a man who was caught in a bad situation and made bad choices as a result. But whatever the case, it is Diana's decision. And as our guest here, she has every right to invite him over to dinner".

Adele looked to Mr Rochester who nodded at her.

"Jane is right Adele. You must not become hardened and sceptical of people. Everyone makes choices in life, and some choices are not easy to make. Some even feel impossible. When decisions seem impossible, we must try and show sympathy, and even forgiveness. You must remember at one time I was in need of it"

Adele looked at him, shocked by the honesty of his own words. Yet she nodded and smiled slightly at him.

"Ms Rivers must make her own choices" he continued, "Someday you will learn what that means"

"I do make choices now" she objected, "I choose my breakfast, and my clothes, and the route of my walk-"

"What he means Adele" Jane clarified, "Is that as we grow up, choices become harder to make. And sometimes, we can only make a decision based on what we know at a given moment- even when we do not have all the information we gain later on in our lives".

Adele turned to Mary,

"Do you agree too?"

"I am afraid I do Adele. You have two very wise parents"

The word "parents" had slipped out, for Adele was neither Jane's nor Edward's child. And yet, it was the relationship they had with her. But Jane thought to herself that Adele would always have a special relationship. For Adele was older- already set in her ways, and raised by someone else when she entered into Jane's life. Mr Rochester's interest in her had started quite late, and she had been so different from Jane and Rochester in behaviour and interests. And yet she was part of their family, regardless, and she was theirs.

. . . .

Dinner was announced and Diana and Captain Franklin were summoned. They had kept to themselves for the majority of the day, and because Jane sensed that there was much to be said between them, she did not feel the need to interrupt them. At dinner, Mr Rochester sat at the top of the table with Captain Franklin on one side and Jane on the other. Diana sat next to Jane, and Mary sat beside Captain Franklin.

"It has been a very long time since I have sat down to a home cooked meal" the Captain mused, "In the army, and especially the Navy, there is little opportunity for it".

Edward tiffed silently, enough so only Jane could hear. She knew he was slightly sensitive when hearing any man talk about his military career, for he had never had one. When Jane had asked him why, he reminded her that when he would have been starting his military training, he was sent to Jamaica to be married off, thus never having the opportunity. Jane amused herself in thinking it was probably a good thing he never entered the military, for there was not a single bone in his body that was inclined towards a conformist or obedient nature. Besides towards his wife, of course.

"Then I am glad" Jane answered, "I too spent some of my life not knowing the pleasures of home cooking"

"Oh yes? When was this?"

Jane could sense her husband was annoyed that Captain Franklin was asking private questions about her life, things that he knew were painful for his wife to recount. And yet Captain Franklin did not know this, so Jane explained.

"I was sent to a boarding school when I was ten years old, as I had no family who was willing to look after me. Hot meals were not part of our everyday experience there. Or any day, really".

Captain Franklin looked surprised. Jane suspected that he did not expect a woman without family or rank to be married to the richest man in the county. Indeed, she was sure he expected that she would have come from an established family. Jane also suspected that he was calling into question the easy life he assumed she lived, for he looked slightly guilty as he looked back up at her.

"I see. Well surely Ms Rochester, it has not affected your goodness. Mr Rochester-"

His tone shifted as he addressed Edward. Perhaps he was more comfortable talking with men, he did spend all his time among them, after all.

"You do indeed surprise me. I met your brother quite a ways back. He was in the navy too, if I remember correctly, at the time of his early death. And yet, I find you are nothing like him"

"Indeed, I have never been much like my brother and I think that must be a good thing"

"I fear there is no safe response to that question. Diana tells me you are quite intelligent, the smartest and most well-read man she has ever meet. It is quite the flattering title"

"There is almost nothing you could ask Mr Rochester that he would not have an answer to. And if he did not have it, surely dear Jane would. They are very well matched in intelligence, as they are very well matched in all things" Diana confirmed.

"Then they are lucky" the Captain confirmed, "I flatter myself that in being part of the navy I have seen much of the world that many people have not. I fear there are very few happily married people, for there are very few well matched couples. After seeing such unhappiness, I can only wish to marry someone who is my equal, who is my match in every way"

He looked across the table at Diana and sighed, sharing a private moment with her that perhaps he thought no one else could see. Jane looked to Edward, who slightly softened in hearing the truth and honesty in his voice. Perhaps what he had claimed to be the truth was the truth. Plain and simple. Mary looked to Jane too, and Jane could see her sister was more wiling to forgive the man she had become used to envisioning as her inevitable brother in law. Mary beamed at the words, her mouth curling into a smile that exuded happiness.

"So does this mean-" Mary began,

"I have told Diana that I want her hand in marriage, as soon as it is possible. But I have left the decision with her. I will not rush her, for there will never be a woman that I love as much as her"

"But there have been other women" Mr Rochester pointed out, "Ones that, as you have told us, believe they have a right to your hand in marriage. Can you assure Ms Rivers that this is no longer a concern?"

"I have done so" he said, firmly. "I have done so in the full intention to keep my word. And if there is any doubt on the matter, I would surely share a drink with you and discuss my estates situation"

Diana looked to her brother in law, imploring his help.

"Mr Rochester, I have no father. And my brother is in India. I have no one to stand in as such a figure for me, to look over finances and legal matters for a potential wedding-"

"Of course you do, you have me" he said, standing. "There is no point in delaying. I am sure you want an answer". He was soon joined on his feet by Captain Franklin.

"Ms Rivers, if this is your wish you will have to excuse us for a little while. Jane?" he said, asking for her permission to leave the table. He did not need to do this, and indeed, Jane did not think he would have made such a big production of it if he was not trying to prove a point about respect to his companion. But regardless, she nodded at him as he lifted her hand to his mouth, kissing it gently.

"We shall return to you ladies shortly. Try not to miss our company terribly".

. . . .

It was more than a short time later, however, when Edward and Captain Franklin returned.

Jane, Diana and Mary moved into the sitting room shortly after dinner where they had tea and talked. When it was time to put Adele to bed, Jane left for a few minutes and returned in the middle of a heated conversation in low voices between the two sisters.

"Diana. I only want what it best for you. As you made clear, the only family you have here is me, and while I cannot help with the finances of this match, or the changing of estates, I can help protect you from being hurt"

"Mary, you know I love you. But I want you to trust me, and trust my heart will make the right choice".

"It is not you that I do not trust."

Jane resumed her seat and Diana looked from Mary to Jane, her tone becoming less peaked and less frustrated.

"Jane, Mary. I know that you have meet the Captain under very unfortunate circumstances. But I love him, and I do not want you to hate the man I love. Though what he did was wrong, I believe every word of his apology. I hope you can too".

Jane reached out for her cousins hand and held it tightly.

"Darling Diana. Of course we will be able to. We just don't know him as you know him just yet. I only want you to know that you do not _need_ to marry. I know there was a time where marrying was quite important to ensure you some comfort in life, but I hope you know now that that is not the case so long as Edward and I are alive. If you choose to marry him, let it be for love and for love alone"

Diana nodded at Jane gratefully, "I know, Jane. It has been the most wonderful reassurance for both Mary and I that we will never be in want while you are living. Thank you"

"Do not be silly" affirmed Jane, "You are my family, and we have an unfair amount of money. What else could justify using it more than for family"

Diana and Mary smiled kindly, before Mary turned to her sister.

"We shall be happy for you. And if Mr Rochester returns and all is right, we shall have much fun planning your wedding. Especially since Jane's wedding was so in her quiet, unimposing, simple style"

They laughed together, Jane grinning slightly. She was reminded in that moment why a wedding with just her husband suited her perfectly fine.

. . .

Some time later, Edward and Captain Franklin finished up and left the office they had been occupying. Jane noted they seemed greatly better antiquated, Edward even slapping the Captain on the shoulder at some joke could not quite make out. After saying goodnight to a Diana, who was eager to hear from Mr Rochester about the financial situation, Captain Franklin was shown out by Jane. Edward waved him off, assuring the Captain he was left in very good hands with Jane for his departure before walking into the library with Diana and Mary.

"I see things went well" commented Jane happily as they walked slowly to the door. Captain Franklin's carriage had not arrived yet.

"Indeed they did. Your husband is a great man"

Jane smiled at him and nodded, "He is. The best man".

"If not for his kindness towards me, for his great love of you. The way he speaks of you is humbling"

Jane blushed deeply, and the Captain smiled.

"There is no need to be embarrassed. He reminded me of the way a lady deserves to be treated"

"I assume this lady you speak of is Ms Rivers"

"Yes" he said warmly. "I want to have a wife I can speak about in that way"

"And you will, I am quite sure" Jane said, encouragingly.

"Ms Rochester-" he said, stopping and looking at Jane as his carriage arrived, "I hope we can depart as friends. I am sorrier than I could say to have meet you under such a situation. But I hope in time you can learn to see me in a better light then I am sure you see me in now"

Jane nodded, wrapping her shawl around herself as the chilly night air blew.

"But of course. I look forward to knowing you better, Captain. There is no ill feeling between us at all. No one should be forced to live the consequence of one poor decision for the whole of their life. I myself have needed such forgiveness in my life before"

He smiled appreciatively at her and sighed, "I understand now that your high praise is not exaggerated. Until we meet again, Ms Rochester".

And soon, he vanished into the dark and silent night.

. . .

Jane was in bed that night before her husband. She found herself exhausted, unable to keep her eyes opened. She laughed at herself when she glanced at a clock, for it was only just eleven. For some reason, lately she just couldn't get enough sleep.

Next thing she knew, she was woken up suddenly when Edward dropped ungracefully onto the bed beside her.

"Dammit" he growled, looking at his wife who stirred, still half asleep and confused. "I'm sorry darling, I did not mean to wake you"

"It is okay" she said, her voice heavy with sleep. She turned over so that she faced the wall instead of him, but found as the minutes passed she could not fall back to sleep knowing Edward was now in the room, just not in bed yet. It was a frigid night, and even the roaring hearth did not have nearly enough heat.

"Where have you been? It is so late" Jane asked, rolling onto her back and rubbing her eyes.

"It's alright Jane, go back to bed. We can talk in the morning"

He was undoing the buttons of his shirt, pulling it over his head before searching for his nightshirt. He never could quite place his finger on where it was, for he never kept it in the same spot.

"It must be the morning by now" Jane commented, trying to see the clock on the mantel.

Edward chuckled, grabbing his nightshirt and slipping it over his head.

"No, it is eleven thirty five"

"What?" Jane asked, shocked. "I was only asleep for half an hour? Good god, it felt like 5 hours. And here I was about to scold you for staying up so late"

Edward crawled into bed beside her, kissing the top of her head as he continued to laugh.

"My darling Jane, where else would I want to be?"

He was always so warm, Jane thought to herself, as he drew himself up beside her, pulling her into his embrace.

"Nowhere, I hope".

He found her hand and played with her fingers simply as he looked into her face.

"I am sure you have much to tell me about your meeting with Captain Franklin"

He nodded, "Indeed. Many things, things that I cannot even tell Diana"

"Because they are bad things?"

"No, not at all. Just things that he should tell his bride to be, not me"

"Well now I am just curious"

"Which will be remedied with sleep. Look at you, your eyes are like lead"

"Fine, will you satisfy my curiosity on one point? Then I shall sleep?"

"Of course" he said, "But you have asked me this before, and I told you before that it is a possibly dangerous proposition to have your curiosity answered"

Jane shook her head, smiling slightly, but continued with her question.

"Did you like him? Outside of any pretence, outside of expectation?"

Edward paused, thinking.

"I did. And that is something coming from a man who is sceptical of everyone and their intentions. He is honest, and honesty leads to truthful relationships. And he is generous, and good-natured. He may be a little self-absorbed, and a little too eager to prove his knowledge to the world. But he is still relatively young, and a life in the military does not allow one to move in social circles very often and share that with others. His behaviour most likely impresses his friends in the navy, and he will grow out of it soon enough after settling down. He truly does like and admire Diana"

"Why do you not say that he loves her?"

"Because, Love is the most important thing that can pass between two people. After one meeting, I could not be certain enough to make the claim. I _love_ you, Jane Rochester. I have from the moment we first spoke. I would not lay that sacred title on any pair, and say it with lightness"

She kissed his temple sweetly, moving her hands through his hair. She turned quite serious as she spoke.

"You are everything"

He smiled at her soft voice, kissing her forehead.

"Everything" he agreed.


	75. Chapter 75

Hello!

So this one is a long one. But as always, I love hearing from you. I've tried to set up a lot in this chapter, so I would love to hear your predictions!

Take care!

. . . . . . . .

The next morning, Jane asked for breakfast to be brought to her bedroom. It was not because she wanted to be pampered, or that this was the normal routine, but because with all the house guests filling the house, it was difficult to have any time alone with her husband. She took the liberty of having it brought to her room without asking her husband because she knew he would not object to the time alone either, and so when there was a knock on the door, and Jane jumped out of bed to get it, Edward stared at her, confused. Returning with a breakfast tray, however, he smiled at her.

"Ah, I see. We are having a private breakfast today"

"Indeed" Jane said, closing the door with her foot and returning to the bed. "I thought we could have a little time alone, if only for a few minutes".

Jane often reflected on mornings like this. On the small moments that would not become a defining point in her life, but that defined everything. She savoured each aspect of each moment. The way he divided the tea between them, the way he handed her her plate of food before stealing a piece of toast from it. The way she could lay back against him, with nothing but the sound of the crackling fire, as she finished her tea was something that she did not take for granted.

"Jane?"

"Yes?"

"What is on the schedule today?"

"Well, I suspect we will hear an announcement from Diana, regarding her engagement. I know the girls will want to shop for wedding materials here before they return home, for the wedding dress and for flowers and such. Besides that, Anne Eshton is coming over to meet Diana and Mary. The girls are quite excited"

"Will the ladies get along with one another, do you think?"

"I think so. They are all very good-natured, and as women, even if they had differing views or opinions, they would be willing to hear what the other has to say. That is the sole key to success among women, understanding"

Edward sighed deeply "You make me jealous. If only such a skill would come by men more naturally. My financial meetings are hell on earth because men love to hear themselves talk"

Jane smiled at him, "But surely you are never anything but calm, and decorum?"

A flash of a smile.

"Jane, I don't know what would make you think anything else"

She took a sip of her tea, and silence fell over the room- that is until Edward looked down at Jane, who's back was against his chest and who drank her tea with not a care in the world.

"So it is not an option to stay in bed with you all day?"

"No" She said, amused, "I'm afraid not. For your friend Mr Eshton is accompanying her here, and I am imagining he is expecting to see you"

"Well until then, you are all mine"

He pressed his lips to her neck in just the right place, and Jane sighed deeply, closing her eyes. Edward grinned, moving his lips to her jawline.

"No" she protested, "I need to bathe"

A disgruntled exclamation from Edward was all she recieved until he sighed, "Allow me" he said, lifting her into his arms.

. . .

When the water was drawn a few minutes later, Jane undressed from her robe. Upon dipping her foot in the water she realised that it was still too hot yet to get in, so she turned and walked towards the bedroom where she could sit for a few minutes. But in walking past the long mirror, she was forced to look twice at the sight of her bare body. She glanced at her stomach, which was different than it normally was. Rounder?

She turned to her side, her hand moving over the smallest bump.

"It cannot be"

Jane had suspected a pregnancy herself, for lately she didn't feel quite right. She could not get enough food, she was always too hot or too cold, her moods changed quickly, she had trouble sleeping at night, and when she did sleep well, she still woke tired.

 _Could it be?_

She smiled to herself- a small, somewhat afraid, somewhat unbelievably, happy smile. Was this the second chance she had prayed so much for? Could she allow herself to be happy?

But her thoughts were interrupted by Edward walking into the adjoining room again. She did not want him to see her naked, she did not want him to suspect what she suspected. But of course, he had seen her naked. If not last night, the night before that. Did he already suspect? If he did, he did a good job of keeping it to himself. But Jane removed this thought from her mind- he was incapable of keeping emotions to himself. Surely he would have said something. She could choose when to tell him, so that she did not get his hopes up.

She sat down on the edge of the tub before he entered the room, covering her stomach by curling up her body. He rounded the corner with the newspaper in his hands, looking from it to Jane, amused.

"What are you doing?"

"The water is still too hot"

"Ah, I see. Do you know what I was just reading, it was the oddest thing-"

But Jane didn't hear the rest of what he said. Her mind was flooded with thoughts and questions.

Would she tell him before she was sure? No. She could not hurt him again. She could not get his hopes up again only to find she had nothing to offer him, nor could she ever offer him anything. How would she know for sure? The doctor, of course. But when could she go to town to see him? If Diana was indeed engaged she could go when the girls went to pick their wedding material. But what would she tell them when she headed for the doctors? They could not find out before her husband did. And then a thought occurred to Jane- a painfully honest and true one.

 _She did not want to go through this alone._

Jane did not want to sit in the doctors office alone, anxiously moving her fingers together as she waited to hear from the doctor. She did not want to take the carriage ride there and back with no one to talk to. She wanted her husband. She did not want to leave him out of anything. This was _their_ child, if it was a child at all. Marriage is about not being scared anymore, for you are bound to another person who takes away worry and fear. How lucky she was to have a man who was naturally so obliging, and so naturally fit for the role. To not appeal to his superior nature would be wrong of her, and hurtful, for he was her. Everything he was, she was.

Jane rose suddenly from the tub, stepping onto a towel on the ground and wrapping her robe around herself. Edward looked confused as he stopped reading the story from the paper aloud and followed Jane into their bedroom. Jane sat on the bed and he knelt before her, taking her hands in his and looking up at her.

"Darling, what is wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, Edward". A slight pause preceded her next words. "I only need your support"

"Of course. You have it, always"

Jane rubbed her thumb over his hand as she looked down at him.

"I know-"

But she could say no more.

Her voice filled with tears as she spoke. Not only was she having trouble controlling her feelings, but the fear she had been facing since looking in the mirror came down upon her at once. A single tear slid from her eyes, which she had forced shut in an effort to keep them in. Edward waited, saying nothing. She only felt the warmth of his hands, and the strength he gave her in times when the right words did not come. His hand moved to wipe away her tears, one moving after to the small of her back, reassuringly, the other remaining around hers.

"Edward, when I was just in the bathroom I glanced at myself in the mirror. What I saw confirmed what I have been suspecting for some time now. I believe I am pregnant"

His eyes widened slightly, moving to her stomach which was covered by the robe which was once his. Jane stood, and let the robe fall to the floor so that when he knelt up, he was eye-level with her stomach. His hands moved quickly, running over her slightly enlarged belly. He kissed her, still moving his hands over the spot where his lips had just touched. He pressed his forehead to her small bump as she wrapped her arms around his head. She felt her eyes swimming with tears once more, and he looked up at her.

"Jane. My darling Jane. You do not need to be afraid"

She allowed the tears to slide a little more freely as she returned to the bed and her husband once again knelt before her.

"You do not need to be afraid and alone in this. I know you Jane Rochester. I know that right now you are bursting with joy, and happiness, and excitement inside, but all that is stifled under you not wanting to feel those things for fear of being hurt again. I know why it is a scary thought, for when I think of the pain, and the grief of last time-. But you cannot let fear ruin such divine emotions. If it is within Gods plan for us to have children, then we will. And I fear that God could not have put so much love within you if he did not intend for you to be a mother"

"It is not only me, Edward. I know last time that my miscarriage hurt you deeply, even more than you let on to me. I do not want to be a disappointment again".

"I will tell you now what I told you then. You could never be a disappointment to me, ever. To even conceive such a thought as that would be impossible to me".

He kissed her hands,

"Be happy Jane. Allow yourself to be happy, please. This is the most wonderful news in the world"

She nodded, pulling him close to her in a tight embrace. He wrapped his arms around her, cradling her head with his hand.

"Edward, is it possible to feel so happy" she asked softly, unable to contain the smile which covered her face.

He pulled back and smiled at her, his whole face illuminated with joy.

"Yes" he said, his eyes filling ever so slightly with tears.

Jane shivered slightly, her exposed body had realised that it was still winter, and perhaps abandoning her robe was not such a good idea. Edward laughed slightly, picking it up off the floor and wrapping it around her again.

"Now, Ms Rochester. You tell me where I need to be, and when, and I shall accompany you when you go to the doctors, if that is what you want"

Sometimes it still shocked Jane how easily he could still read her mind.

"I fear it is not what most husbands do with their wives. I believe I am supposed to take Leah, or some other female servant"

"Well, I am not your typical husband. I thought you may have noticed that by now. I am afraid it is too late to be rid of me now".

Edward pulled her to his lips as they stood, kissing her deeply.

"And what would I be without you?"

. . . .

When Jane had washed and dressed some time later, she went downstairs to meet the other girls. They were only just finishing breakfast, which told Jane that they too had risen later today than expected.

"Good morning" she said, turning the corner of the dining room.

"Oh! Good morning Jane! We missed you during breakfast, My, you look lovely this morning" Diana said, sipping from her teacup.

"Thank you, how are you this morning?" Jane asked, looking between Mary and Diana.

"Wonderful" Mary said, glancing to Diana.

"And you?" Jane asked, grinning.

"I am a very happy, engaged young woman" Diana said, her smile the brightest Jane had ever seen it.

"Oh Diana" she said, reaching across the table for her hand, "How wonderful! I am so happy for you!"

"Isn't it perfect?" Mary joined, "Diana, the wife of a naval captain. Who could have imagined that?"

Diana looked to Mary, "Although I cannot lie, and pretend that it is not a huge reassurance, that is not the most important thing. I am happy to be marrying someone I love greatly. Someone spectacular. I am so lucky"

She held out her hand to Jane, and on it was a beautiful wedding ring with a large ruby in the middle. Jane saw the small, simple, but beautiful ring on her own finger that suited her so well as she went to take Diana's hand.

"Diana! Why did we not see this last night? It is beautiful!"

"I wanted to wake up an engaged woman for the first time. I cannot stop looking at it"

Jane and Mary smiled at one another, Diana's excitement was contagious.

"Well, I wish you every happiness in the world, my dear Diana. When will we be seeing your Captain again?"

"He said he would ride over today, just to say hello, and to formally announce to the family".

"Then, we shall celebrate then" Jane said, nodding.

"Speaking of husbands, where is yours?" Mary asked,

"Oh, Edward is in the study, going over some financial papers before the Eshton's arrive. He and Mr Eshton are entangled in some financial matter together, and managing the money has fallen onto Edward's shoulders".

"What is it that Mr Eshton does in the enterprise then?" Diana asked,

"Well, in fact, the enterprise is hiring servants for Mr Eshtons house. Mr Eshton was not always as wealthy as he is now, though he was never as poor as we were. He came into quite a bit of money when his very wealthy aunt died, and such is why he inherited the house he did, and why now he has the liberty of hiring some extra servants".

"He is a lucky man!"

"Indeed. But you see, he has no experience managing large estates money, so he called upon Edward for help. For now, Edward deals with keeping the finances in order while Mr Eshton meets with his tenants"

"Doesn't Mr Rochester have quite enough to do around here keeping all your servants?"

Jane smiled, "Quite enough, but he has a hard time refusing his friends. Especially old ones, like Mr Eshton. I am sure the whole place would crumble to the ground without Edward's mentor-ship, in truth. Still, the men enjoy each others company, and I enjoy Ms Eshton's, so it is a happy agreement".

"And when are your servants to return?" Mary asked pleasantly

"Tomorrow! If all be well"

"Which it is sure to be after the holidays to be home with their families. You must be the most popular mistress on this side of London"

Jane smiled feebly.

"I know what it is like to work for someone you despise. I know what it is to dread seeing your master everyday. I could not live with myself if I knew such was the case with our servants here".

Jane often found herself repeating this to people that commented on the supposed kindness she and Edward showed to their staff. Jane realised that most people could not understand the depth of what she truly meant when she said she knew what it was like to dread her master, for many of the people who commented had never had a master. Still, this made it no less true. Diana and Mary were perhaps the exception, who both worked under very poor masters as governesses. It was an incredibly vulnerable place within the house. Half servant, and yet partial member of the family. You were constantly at the mercy of your master.

. . . . . . . .

Just after lunch, Edward came to find Jane, who was the last one sitting at the dining table. Walking up to her, he bent down and pressed his lips to hers sweetly. Jane smiled as the kiss broke apart, her hand holding the edge of his tailcoat between two fingers.

"Hello" he said, lovingly

"Hello" she replied, pulling him down to her lips once again.

The kiss was more reluctant this time when it broke, and needier. Jane smiled at him as he sat beside her, entwining his fingers with hers.

"How are you?"

"I am perfect" Jane said, "How are you?"

"Unbelievably happy"

"Then kiss me again"

"Three times! Indeed, I have been blessed today"

He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and drew her near.

"Madam, Sir"

The voice made Jane jump, and in looking she saw John standing in the door,

"Sorry to interrupt, but the Eshton's have arrived"

"Thank you" Edward said, stifling a laugh. When John turned the corner, Jane covered her face in her hands and pressed her face into Edwards chest. He laughed at length. kissing the top of her head.

"I feel like a naughty school girl who has been caught doing something she shouldn't be doing"

"Good lord, don't tell me that" he teased, still laughing, "Or our meeting this afternoon with the Eshton's will be cut significantly shorter".

"Do not wink at me, Edward Rochester"

"What?". He stood before her, holding out his hand to help her from her seat. "What can I say? I am a man who adores his wife"

Jane was helped up, and her husbands arm moved around her waist as they walked out to the front door. The Eshton's had already arrived, and were stepping out of the carriage, smiling up at their friends.

"Edward, hello!" called Eshton, rushing ahead of his wife to shake Edwards hand.

Anne walked up to Jane, smiling warmly.

"Hello Anne, I do hope you have had a wonderful Christmas"

"It was well, thank you Jane. Though I must say, I have looked forward to your company again"

Jane looked at her friend, her voice was uncharacteristically serious.

"Is all well?"

"I believe so, but I don't exactly know if anything is wrong"

Jane nodded, slightly concerned.

"Is it to do with Mr Eshton?"

"No, no he is well. I was going to ask you if you knew anything. Mr Eshton has been acting very off lately, and he has told me nothing. Though, I know in some way it must relate to me, or more likely someone I know. He just won't tell me anything".

"I do not know either, I'm sorry".

Anne nodded, "It is okay. Perhaps he will tell Mr Rochester today. I am sure it is nothing, at any rate"

Diana and Mary appeared on the step for the first time and Jane turned to Anne.

"Anne, these are my cousins, Ms Diana and Mary Rivers. This is my good friend, Anne Eshton"

"Ms Rivers', it is wonderful to meet you both. Jane speaks so highly of you, it is impossible to not be excited to meet you"

"We were only just saying the same of you-"

"Ah, women coming together always get along so well. If only it was the same amongst men" Eshton called out, his hands on his hips characteristically.

"That's not true dear, not all women are the same and thus we don't all naturally get along But women of a similar nature do, and I think that shall be us"

The group of women grinned at one another before Eshton rolled his eyes at Edward.

"And yet they prove my point"

"Come" Jane said, glancing over her shoulder, "We shall have some tea, we do not need to stand and be the objects of judgement any longer"

Edward bit back a smile as the girls walked into the house, beginning to get to know each other.

. . .

As tea progressed, Jane found that her assumption had been correct; Diana, Mary and Anne all got along exceptionally well. Jane was secretly relieved, for she wanted a group of women who could get along, and were trust-worthy. After all, there is not quite anything like the relationship between women that love and trust one another in deepest friendship. When Anne found out about Diana's recent engagement she was extremely excited, doting over her ring and saying with great happiness that she would wait eagerly to see every detail of the wedding as it came into being. Mary told Anne of the insecurities she had told Jane of earlier in the week- that all the women she knew were married, or about to be, and she still had not meet a man. Anne listened intently, and assured her of what Jane had repeated as well; that no man is far superior to a man who treats you badly, and that you do not love. And then the River sisters had asked of Mr Eshton, and Anne had spoken of her relationship with him, opening up in saying that not being interested in science herself, she had created distance in their relationship that was prevalent at times where he was busy with work. She said that she felt if she had made more of an effort in the beginning to become more curious, perhaps they would be closer now, and she regretted that. It was wonderful to see what trust they had in one another- and now naturally it had come into being.

Jane felt slightly guilty sitting there, listening to all her friends opening up to the group with their secrets, fears, insecurities and joys. It was not that Jane did not join in, or did not speak to them. Rather, it was that her greatest fear and joy was inside of her at that very moment, and only she and her husband knew of it. She wanted it to remain that way for a little while- for it to be their own private world. There would be time enough to tell these ladies, and have them partake in all the happiness of having a baby within a group of friends. Just, not yet. Not while she was still unsure, and not until she had come to terms with this amazing gift.

But as they talked, the door opened and Edward stepped inside, smiling at the room.

"Hello ladies" he said, bowing to them. "I hope you are all feeling no pressure to create a fake facade of friendship for the sake of Mr Eshtons theory in front of me. Though if you were, you would indeed fool me."

The room laughed,

"Of course not. Any friend of Jane's has to be a marvellous human being, and I think that fits all the ladies in this room" Anne said, cheerfully.

Jane nodded, "But of course. It is my only condition in friendship"

Edward chuckled, "It is interesting then how you let that condition slide in your choice of husband. Would I be able to speak to you a moment, my darling? I will not detain you for long".

"Of course, excuse me" Jane said, standing and walking to him.

"Ladies"

Edward rounded the corner with Jane, talking lowly.

"Jane, I told you the other night that when I visited the Olsen's home that the family was not there, and that I could not find out where they were. I know this left you feeling uneasy, so I spoke to Eshton who was going to London, and who could possibly find an answer there. He was explaining to me what he had learned, but I thought you may want to know what he said, straight from him".

"Of course, is all well?"

"No, I'm not sure that it is"

Edward pushed the door of his study opened and Jane walked inside. Eshton was sitting with his feet up on the corner of Edward's desk, smoking a pipe and looking out of the large window that faced the side of the garden.

"Eshton, there is a lady here now, I am afraid you must act like a gentleman"

Eshton spun around, looking at Edward horrified.

"Forgive me Edward, Ms Rochester. I was thinking I was at my own home for a moment"

Jane smiled, "Do not be so bothered for my sake, please, sit"

He did, and looked at Jane rather regretfully.

"I was just starting to tell Edward what I had learned of Mr Olsen, but he stopped me, saying that you would want to know as well. I am afraid the news is not good"

Jane did not interrupt him, so he continued.

"Edward rode to the Olsen's house the day after Christmas, and he did not find anyone there. So when he heard I was to travel to London, and could possibly find an answer there, he asked to check into the situation. However, I did not need to look very far before I found that Mr Olsen had not returned home that night, and Ms Olsen, afraid and not knowing what to do fled to her sisters house, of which I am unsure of the location. From my understanding, Mr Olsen returned almost immediately after she left, supposedly after spending the night in another woman's company- pardon my blunt language. He is apparently furious, and has been madly searching for her, and she is no doubt too afraid to return to him"

Jane looked from Mr Eshton to her husband before turning her gaze to the floor.

'It isn't right"

"That she essentially ran away from her husband?"

"No" Jane said, looking at Mr Eshton, "That she felt that she needed to run away, that he wasn't home and that she didn't know where he had gone"

"But of course" he agreed, registering Edward's harsh look.

"Surely Eshton you do not put any of the blame on Ms Olsen. Her husband is a cruel, grotesque beast that cares for nothing but himself and his pocketbook. This is not her fault"

"No, of course it is not her fault. But now she has landed herself in an equally difficult situation to free herself of. She has run away from an angry, violent husband who has legal ownership over her-"

Jane felt her blood slightly boiling.

"-And on the other hand, she is with a sister who will not house her forever. Temporarily, she is free from a problem that will only get worse with time".

"What is it that can be done for her?" Jane asked, but it was her husband who answered.

"Jane, even with the best men searching for her, we have no right to expose her, nor even a right to get involved. Surely, if her sister knows, she has family who cares. Until she returns to her house here, we can't help".

Jane knew that he was right, and although it did not sit well with her, for the present she tried to put it out of her mind.


	76. Chapter 76

Jane walked back to the room where she had left the ladies more quietly than she intended to, and so caught the last bit of the conversation they were having without them hearing her approach.

"I know" agreed Diana, "It is extremely touching. They adore each other, more than any other married couple I have ever seen"

"And there is such respect. The way he listens to her when she speaks- it is written all over his face how much he loves her, and cares for her opinion. If only Mr Eshton cared one tenth as much for me. That is not to say he does not love me, just, not like that. No one loves another person quite like they love one another"

"I am glad" Mary joined, "Jane deserves nothing but happiness. And I am convinced that no one else in the world could make her happy"

A small smile crept across Jane's face as she listened. She rounded the corner, and all the ladies looked up at her.

"I'm sorry I took so long, I hope you will forgive my absence"

"We will if you do indeed tell us something wonderful you have read this week" Anne said, "We know that you constantly read, and because it is not so easy for the rest of us, we shall have to live out our reading through you".

Jane laughed, "I will indulge you if I can. What sort of book would you like to hear of?"

"A romance, I need some ideas" Mary said, to the ladies great amusement.

. . .

The afternoon progressed until it was time for dinner, at which time the two groups meet back up. It was nice to have Jane's full group of friends together, and to see how easily the interactions flowed between them. Edward watched Jane as they ate, for she knew he was concerned whether she was eating enough, and felt full enough. Indeed, the past few nights she had been sneaking down into the kitchens to get food after she had gotten into bed. But as the last bits of dessert were being eaten, Jane found that she was tired, and only wanted to retreat to her room for a bit of time alone. It was so easy for her to become tired these days, and as silly as it sounded, a full day of conversation mixed with dinner was enough to tire her out completely.

Soon after dinner the Eshton's left, waving goodbye happily and promising an invitation for the Rochester's and Rivers to come to their house before the girls were to return home after the holidays. This was enough to send Diana and Mary to bed very happy. Diana had found time during the day to tell Mr Rochester of her engagement, to which he congratulated her thoroughly. He assured her that she would need to worry about nothing regarding the wedding- that he would take care of whatever she needed, including the changing of her estate from her families to her husbands. Jane knew now from being involved in the estates money that to pay for a wedding was very inconsequential to her families finances, and that there was money enough to pay for fifty such weddings. But still, to Diana Rivers it was the most wonderful gift in the world.

Jane retreated to her room before her husband, as he was reading over some final assessments in his study before coming to bed. She enjoyed the silence as she undressed and took down her hair. Though she loved company, and especially the company of those she loved, she needed calm and silence to feel balanced again. She picked up her book and moved to her armchair by the fire, but she found she simply could not start reading. She could not focus. Her mind wandered all over the place, until it came back to the same subject.

All she could think about was her husband, and wanting to see him, and be with him.

She laughed at how irrational she felt- wanting him so much. The pregnancy, if that was indeed what she was, was making her feel increased emotions- that she could tell.

Jane stood up, pulling on her robe, and crept downstairs. She knew no one would be up at this time. Diana and Mary had already said their good nights, and John and Leah had long since retreated to their quarters and would not emerge until Edward had gone up to bed. She walked down the steps and walked into her husbands study where he was sitting at the desk, indeed reading over the papers he said he would be reviewing. He looked up, surprised, as the door had opened and then closed again.

"Jane darling, why are you out of bed? Are you alright?"

"Oh yes, I am very well" she said, walking over to him.

When it became clear she intended to sit on his lap, he pushed himself out from the desk slightly and opened his arms to her. She assumed her position, tucking her feet into the corner of the armchair and looking into his dark, serious eyes which were brimming with love and the simple awe that she was his.

"To what do I owe this great honour. It must be indeed an honour if you are out roaming the corridors in your nightgown and robe"

Jane shook her head, "I knew no one would be around, and I was afraid you would take too long coming up to bed"

He chuckled shortly, looking back into his wife's face. "Sweetheart, its been not even twenty minutes since I last saw you. I told you I was only looking over these few-"

But Jane's lips were on his before he could finish the sentence. He threw down the papers he had been holding to wrap his arms around his wife, his hand running through her long hair which fell in large curls around her face. Jane felt her heart beating faster and faster as he kissed her back passionately. As the kiss broke she pressed her forehead to his, closing her eyes and breathing softly.

"Come to bed, please"

His mouth curled into a smile as Jane kissed his lips briefly.

"To do what?" he asked, slyly.

Jane shook her head, looking into his eyes.

"I love you. I do not have words that even come close to describing it, and that is unfair, because I wish you could know".

"You don't think I know?" he asked, his hand cupping her cheek affectionately. "You don't think I know it when you look at me, or when you kiss me, or when I feel your hand on mine?"

"It can't be enough" she promised him, "Not compared to what I feel"

He kissed her cheek, then her temple before pulling back and looking at her.

"Thank you. For everything you are".

She felt him him kiss the top of her head as she curled into him and his warmth.

"I do need to finish this before bed though, but you are welcomed to stay here with me"

"I will be very quiet"

He chuckled softly, shaking his head and picking back up the piece of paper he had been reading.

. . . . . . . . .

The next few days were a blur of busy activity in the Rochester house.

The servants all arrived back at the house the following day, all well rested and seemingly very happy. Arriving either on foot or by coach, they came with their trunks and moved back into the servants corridors. Jane worried that perhaps they would feel lonely and sad coming back to work, but to her happiness she found that the opposite was true. Though some spoke of missing their families, all in all they spoke of being thankful that they got to return to such a kind Jane and Edward greeted their servants they found that quite a few had brought back gifts from their own home as a way of thank you. Boughs of dried lavender, dried herbs, homemade soaps, pies and cakes. Someone even brought Edward some homemade cigars that was based on an old family recipe, which he accepted as kindly as he could given the unpleasant smell coming from them.

Diana and Mary talked constantly of Diana's upcoming wedding. This was a new experience to Jane, for even when she was almost married the first time, she wanted nothing large or grand. In fact, she had reminded herself that the smaller the event, the better. But it was nice to be part of a wedding planning which was bigger than hers was. The excitement alone from the girls was wonderful to be around. Captain Franklin also stopped by frequently in the following days. Though his visits were not long, it was enough for Jane to come around to him. He was indeed very kind, and very good to Diana. He had wealth enough for them, a small but beautiful estate not too far away, and the respectability and reputation of a gentleman.

Adele and Jane spent an increased amount of time together as well. When Jane could see that Adele was becoming upset at the prospect of her school time drawing nearer, she told her that she would not be returning to her old school. Jane watched a thrilled Adele dance around the sitting room, beaming her charming smile. Jane assured her however that she would not be out of school long- only long enough for her to find her a better situation. Still, this increased time at home, along with the reassurance that she did not have to return to a place that made her so unhappy was enough to lift her spirits dramatically.

. . . . . . . . .

The night before the Rivers sisters were to return home, Diana and Mary, Captain Franklin, The Eshtons, Adele, and Jane and Edward had dinner. After finishing eating, however, Adele did not stick around for the conversation, rather she departed swiftly from the table to play with the new doll she had received for Christmas. Captain Franklin, Eshton and Edward all spoke well amongst one another, as the woman did when first brought together. Jane, a little pridefully, noticed that Edward always was in charge of the conversation although not through force or dominance. She suspected that the others simply respected him too much, and his presence alone was enough to keep them in line. Eshton was a little better suited at matching him in this way, but perhaps that was because he had known him for a much longer time. All the same, the Captain seemed thoroughly entertained with them both. But suddenly, Captain Franklin looked down the table and up it before announcing a proposition to the group at large.

"I wonder why it is that not all the men are grouped together and all the women grouped together. We are quite scattered here, and as friends I think we could break the tradition of having a wife sit with her husband. There is no need to bore the ladies here with our gentleman's conversation"

Jane was surprised at the comments brashness, but not at the comment itself. She had seen Captain Franklin struggling to show a sustained interest in Anne Eshton's admittedly long story about how she came into inheriting the house she lived in.

"Franklin" Edward interjected swiftly, "You forget that you are not in the army now. Perhaps you have been away from women's company for too long, and have forgotten their immense value".

Jane grinned to herself. She noticed that Edward referred to him as Franklin, instead of Captain- and she assumed this had something to do with the fact that he was proudly referred to as Captain quite a lot, and Franklin very little.

"Ladies, you must forgive me if you think my comment was meant to say I find your company unappealing. I only thought that you have things you may want to discuss amongst yourselves regarding quite happy events in the future, and I did not want to get in the way".

"And is your wedding something you do not want to hear of, Captain?" Anne asked

"No, of course I do. But I am expecting to show up the morning of at the altar with everything arranged according to how my dear bride wants it".

Diana blushed slightly,

"I want you to help, of course. I do not want to start our marriage making all the decisions alone"

"And rightfully so, Ms Rivers. I have a wife who has utter control over me, and I fear it leaves me at quite a disadvantage" Rochester teased, glancing at Jane.

"Impossible!" Captain Franklin once again chimed in, "Mr Rochester, you are not the kind of man that can be walked over by other men. I should know- I have meet many men who could not say the same of themselves"

"But it is not a man who walks over me, it is a woman"

"And do you agree with this, Ms Rochester?"

"Well, all I can say is that sometimes a man needs to be reminded he _can_ be indeed walked over, and my husband does not seem to mind too much as long as it is me doing the walking".

Eshton laughed heartily with Edward, with the Captain eventually joining in.

"I see we have married similar woman" Eshton joined, slapping the edge of the table with his hand in great amusement.

"You do indeed speak your mind, Ms Rochester!"

"I hope that I speak truthfully"

"I hear that you speak the truth on many things. That perhaps even you are more well read than your husband. Diana tells me that in your free time you hardly are found with another task other than reading"

"Ah, well since I am now a married woman, my free time is greatly reduced. But, even if it were still the case, it would be a falsehood, though one I wish I could take credit for, for it is very flattering"

Jane felt a small squeeze of her hand under the table.

"Jane knows a great deal" Edward explained, "And luckily for us, we enjoy many of the same things while also having many separate interests. It leaves much to be said between us at the end of the day".

"You are very lucky then. Not many could say the same, though I feel that those who sit at this table are the exception" Captain Franklin said, proudly.

Jane watched as Anne shuffled a little uneasily in her seat. She had spoken to Jane and the River sisters only that day about this particular insecurity of hers- that she was not as interested in her husband's work as would be convenient for their marriage. Jane suspected that Mr Eshton was not the sort of man to take a great amount of his time out of his schedule to explain to her the details of his work. Jane did not think him cruel, but simply that he came with the position that most men held- a wife's place was not in her husbands work. It probably never occurred to him that this upset his wife, and although Jane had encouraged her to tell him such, she felt it would not do any good.

Edward learned into Jane slightly as the table resumed happy conversation once again so that their soft words would not be detected by anyone.

"How are you?" he asked, "Have you eaten enough? Are you still hungry?".

Jane smiled, nodding at him and running her fingers over the hand entwined in her lap under the table. "I am very well, thank you".

He nodded, looking at her silently for a few moments. "You look beautiful"

"You look very handsome"

He scowled at her, unimpressed.

"And I thought we were just boasting of your truth telling ways".

"The truth can be subjective, so I am told"

"Ah, so I am not universally handsome then?"

"You better not be"

They grinned at one another as they resurfaced to the tables conversation.

. . . . . . .

After dinner, when all their guests had left or retired to bed, Jane was walking down the corridor to her room when she noticed a light in Adele's room. Opening the door ever so slightly, she looked in upon Adele, who was sitting up in bed, just thinking.

"Adele, are you well? Why are you still awake?"

"I am not awake because I am sad. I am awake because I am very happy".

Jane nodded as she sat lightly next to her on the bed.

"I am sorry if I left you in suspense. I should have told you sooner"

Adele shook her head, "No. I know why you did not tell me before. I am just so happy to not be returning to that school. You know, Mr Rochester came and found me today to apologise for the school he had sent me to. He promised me when he sent me away that he had done his very best to send me to a school you would approve of. Even though at that time, when he sent me away, it made him sad to speak of you"

"Mr Rochester did do his research. Indeed, I had heard of your previous school when I was a governess, and it was believed to be one of the the best schools. I am sorry that it turned out to be not what you expected, or what we wanted for you"

"Of course I do not think Mr Rochester sent me to a bad place on purpose. And at first, it was a good school. But when I was there a long time, things began to change"

Jane hugged Adele, smoothing her hair.

"I promise, you will have a say in where you go to school now"

"And I cannot stay here with you?"

Jane felt her heart sink a little.

"No, Adele. I am afraid that you cannot"

She nodded. "I know, you are married now. Mr Rochester needs you, even though he is no longer blind"

"Married couples always need each other" Jane said, kissing the top of Adele's head as she lay back in bed. "Someday, I hope you shall know what that is like"

"Oh me as well" she agreed, "But not too soon"

"No, not too soon. Goodnight Adele, sleep well"

"Goodnight Jane, I will see you in the morning".

Jane stood up and left the room, glancing back to smile at Adele before she closed the door.

. . . .

"Jane what is it that you are doing?"

"I am looking for something"

"Under the bed?"

"Yes"

"What is it?"

"My hairbrush"

Edward stepped away, glancing around the room

"You had it this morning-"

"I know I had it this morning. That is how I know it is now gone. Thank you for the help"

Jane turned away from him quickly, moving back under the bed and continuing her search before stopping abruptly. She sighed, and pulled herself out from under the bed to find Edward looking at her, slightly amused.

"I'm sorry. I'm frustrated"

"I can see that"

"Don't smile like that at me"

"I'm not doing a thing!"

Jane glowered at him,

"I think it may indeed be under the bed"

"It is not, I have looked there twice now"

"I know, I just like the view" he said, standing and tapping her bum.

Jane shoved his hand away and climbed into bed, pulling the sheets up over herself.

"Ah Jane, do not be like that"

"Like what? I'm just tired"

He looked at her, eyebrows raised.

"Do not touch me, and you won't get slapped"

"I'm sorry. I am allowed to touch you when things are well, and you seemed well a few minutes ago-"

"I am still well. Just tired"

"Alright, alright" her husband agreed, climbing into bed beside her. He lay back, hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling. Jane sighed in frustration, rolling onto her back to look up at the ceiling too. But then she turned back on her side, and then on her stomach, and then on her other side, unable to get comfortable in any position. Edward moved out of her way as she tossed and turned at first, trying very hard not to laugh. Jane was glad he didn't, for she did not trust what she would have said to him if he did.

"Jane-"

"No!" she said, "No! I am fine!"

He threw his hands up in the air in surrender, "I'm sorry"

"Don't apologise! Just come here, for goodness sake!"

As he moved closer to her, she wasted no time in pulling herself into his chest. She sighed deeply, looking into the dying fire. How idiotic she had been. The anger had flowed from her so fast that she did not have time to reason whether it was valid or not, she had just taken it out on him with a horrible vengence. And now, laying with her head on his chest, embarrassment and regret rushed to her cheeks.

"Edward-"

"Don't"

"But-"

"It does not matter" he soothed, pressing his lips to her forehead. The tenderness of his kiss pained her.

"It does matter to me. You mean everything to me, and I cannot just let anger rise out of no where and put it onto you simply because you are close to me"

"I would take it. I would take all your anger from you without complaint, if I could"

Jane looked at him, and he knew that she did not accept his words as an excuse for her actions.

"Jane darling, your actions just now are so unlike your normal self that it can only be comedic to me"

"But that is just the problem! It is so unlike my normal self- I do not know what is happening. I never lose control like this. It is so embarrassing that-"

"Embarrassing? In front of your husband?".

Before Jane could object again, he sat up so that he was looking her directly in the face.

"Jane. Having the emotion that most of us normal individuals call frustration is not embarrassing, and it is not losing control. I cannot help that your angelic qualities get in the way of seeing that. Now, we shall hear no more about it. You will kiss me goodnight, and you will lay back down on my chest, sleep as soundly as you always do, and that shall be the end of that".

Jane grinned ever so slightly, looking into the face of the man she loved so dearly it was impossible to express. She obeyed his orders, pressing her lips to his sweetly and drawing back to wish him goodnight. She then lay back down on his chest and closed her eyes, feeling perfectly content and at peace. A calm silence fell over the room as Jane breathed slower, and deeper.

"Now that things are well again, you can touch me. In fact, you probably should".

Edward laughed lowly, closing his eyes as he shook his head.

"God, what am I to do with her?"


	77. Chapter 77

Thank you all for your amazing comments. It honestly makes my day to read them. I love knowing what you all think of the story!

I love this chapter, I hope you will too.

I hope everyone is very well.

xoxo

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The following morning, the Rivers' sisters ate breakfast with Jane, Edward, and Adele before retiring to their room to finish packing. Jane was sad to see them go, for she loved seeing them. Being the only family she had ever known had not yet lost its appeal. She had to admit though, there was a comfort in having her house to herself again. The girls went to bed much earlier than Jane and Edward normally did, and proper custom dictated that this meant they also had to retire when the girls did. The girls were also more particular eaters than Jane and her husband, so some normal meals they enjoyed together had been put on hold for the present. But, all in all, their company was wonderful, and her complaints were few and small.

Because the servants had by that time all returned, it was a much smoother process getting all the trunks down to the carriage. Edward had to complete the task on his own when the girls had initially arrived, and although he did not complain, Jane (to her great amusement) could see him rubbing his back all afternoon.

Adele had a teary scene as Diana and Mary hugged her goodbye. Adele had become close to the girls, especially Mary, and their constant company,along with the constant promise of someone to listen to her stories, was something she would surely miss. But the promise that they would be back very soon was a comfort to Adele, and she stiffed her tears back with the promise she could be the flower girl at Diana's wedding.

Diana and Mary turned on Jane, both hugging her tightly.

"Thank you for everything"

"You don't need to thank me, it was absolutely wonderful to have you here" Jane said, honestly. "You are not the most high maintenance guests in the world to entertain, and above all you are family. We shall see you very soon".

They beamed brightly before Edward moved towards them.

"Ladies, I hope you will not stay away too long"

"We could not! We need to hear you play the piano again sometime soon"

He bowed his head to them, smiling.

"Your wish is my command".

The carriage doors were opened for them, and they entered . Edward put his arm around Jane's waist as the carriage pulled away, both parties waving until the carriage was long out of sight.

"Well, I have done my fair share of entertaining for a long time" Edward said as they turned to walk back into their house.

"Why is that?"

"I'm not sure I'm naturally cut out for it. I like seeing the Ms Rivers' of course. But by the end of it, I find I am drained, as I am no natural entertainer"

"Edward Rochester? Not an natural entertainer? Tell me again how you managed to house Ms Ingram in your house for over a month then?"

He shot her a disapproving look.

"You know very well why I put up with that party for over a month"

"Now that I know you even better, I find myself to be even more flattered that it was all for me"

He rolled his eyes,

"Yes, yes. You can take that small victory if you must".

Jane smiled. She watched Adele jump the steps leading to the house one by one with both feet. It was surprisingly child-like, despite how much she had grown up during her time at school.

"Edward, we must start looking for a school for her. We cannot prolong how much time she spends here, for I think the longer she stays, the harder it will be to go when the time comes".

"I know" he said, softly. There was a pause before he looked to his wife. "Do you wish her to stay here?"

"I loved teaching Adele, I loved being her governess, and I miss being a governess in ways. But I am not that girl anymore- now I am a wife. Adele deserves the chance to go to a good school, and have that positive experience for herself. She should make friends, enjoy being with just other girls for a while. There is a lifetime ahead of her for everything else she wants".

He nodded, "I agree. It will only do her good, and she will thank us for it one day".

But he paused, his tone unsettled.

"You don't regret that in marrying me, you have given up being a governess, do you Jane? I would understand if you did. When we were first married I know my blindness was the reason you could justify not teaching anymore. I was too much of a burden, and I depended on you for everything. Now, however, that impediment is not there anymore, and I wonder if you regret losing your occupation".

She rubbed his arm which he held as they walked.

"I could never regret anything that gives me more time to be with you. I want my only obligation to be to you, and our family. I love being your wife more than anything else in the world I could possibly do, more than I loved being a governess. Besides Edward Rochester, you still need me, blind or not".

He pressed his lips to her temple briefly and breathed to her softly, "Being your husband has been the greatest honour of my life".

She turned to smile at him and he kissed her forehead slowly, his lips a cheering warmth amid the cold winter scene.

"Come. You should not be out in the cold so long, you will get a chill"

They walked through the threshold together.

. . . . . . .

Over the following weeks that stretched into months, things remained very happy in the Rochester household.

Jane and Edward did eventually find a school for Adele. It was not acclaimed academically to the extent that the other school was, but it was very respectable, close by, and wonderfully warm and inviting. Jane meet with the headmistress and explained Adele's previous situation, to which the headmistress was very sympathetic. She explained to Jane that Adele's situation was not uncommon, in fact it was much of what made up the population at the school. She assured Jane that she could stop by whenever she liked, without warning, on the weekends when the girls had reduced classes. This made Jane feel very hopeful, and although she left Adele looking slightly watery-eyed, she felt sure that new friends would remedy her loneliness very soon. Edward was not allowed to come given it was an all-girls school, but he waited eagerly at home to hear and was equally happy as Jane to find the very different environment of her new school. Indeed, Adele wrote within a few days to say how wonderful everyone was, how good the food was (though not as good as home), and how she looked forward to seeing Jane and Mr Rochester again soon.

Jane's mood swings did not improve, however. Her uncontrolled bouts of sadness, anger, frustration and guilt pulled at her most days. Edwards patience did not waver with her, but he was worried it was having an emotional toll on her. When Jane had a bad day, mostly she sat and read, trying to remain as quiet as possible as not to take out her emotions on anyone else. When she did go to the doctors, however, and her greatest joy was truly confirmed, she was elated. The doctor reassured her these mood swings were merely a result of her pregnancy, and that women often went into hysterical behaviour as a result of becoming pregnant. Jane found this language to be a little extreme, but felt comforted all the same. Nothing could mar her or her husbands happiness that day, or the days that followed.

Jane tried not to feel nervous or on edge regarding this pregnancy, but it was not until she passed the four month marker of when she had lost her first child that she felt she could take a breath of relief. She knew this was no guarantee she would carry until term, but somehow it felt better. She felt lighter. She woke every morning with a smile on her face, and every morning she was reminded how lucky she was to look after the baby which grew inside her. Jane was humbled every time she looked upon her husband. She knew that he had always wanted to be a father, but had resigned himself to never become one given the situation he found himself to be in in life. Her husbands happiness and involvement in her pregnancy was not typical for men of his background or situation. She knew the fact he did not care whether it was a girl or boy was not typical, and she knew that the great amount of love within him was not typical. When they lay in bed, the sight of him kissing the bump of her stomach and caressing his unborn baby was enough to bring Jane to tears. He was an impossible mix of masculine energy, protection, and love.

At 6 months, Jane was larger than most pregnant women because of how small she was- even her fullest dress did not come close to covering the baby. But this did not matter, she had no desire to keep her pregnancy private anymore. She and Edward had had the wonderful time together, where they were the only two in the world who knew of their baby, and after moving past the point of her previous miscarriage, Jane was excited to share the news. Diana and Mary had been overwrought with joy, perhaps because they understood how much pain Jane's first pregnancy had left her in. The Eshton's were shocked at the announcement, but elated for them all the same. Adele had written them back with such quick scribbles of happiness that they could barely make out her words. Jane was congratulated by strangers in town, and those she meet passing on the road. It seemed everyone welcomed new life with an equal enthusiasm.

All in all, Jane was happier than she had been in her whole life.

. . . .

One day in early March, Jane found herself alone at home. Edward had left very early in the morning to deal with some business in town. He had gotten out of bed that morning disgruntled, claiming, as he moved around the room, that the earlier he left the sooner he would return home. But by the way he had forgotten to kiss her goodbye, Jane knew that he suspected he would be gone for most of the day.

She had been trying her hand at improving her drawing skills. It was something she had neglected over the past while, but something she felt was important to start up again. She placed a vase of flowers before her on a table, pulling her knees up to her chest and balancing the drawing pad on her legs. Eventually though, after hours of patient and concentrated work, her eyes tired and her head fuzzy with prolonged concentration, she stepped away from it and moved to the window.

Snow had lasted for all of the winter in England, and the fresh snow that had fallen the night before covered the earth outside, still undisturbed. Still, it was rather dull out, in spite of the fresh snow, for the sky was grey and dim. Jane could hear the wind whipping against the house, and howling overhead.

There was a knock at the library door and Jane turned away from the view to see John step into the room.

"Pardon me madam. There is a Captain Franklin here to see you. Should I let him in?".

"Of course. Send him in please, John"

The door opened a minute later to reveal the Captain, once again in his regimentals and looking quite windswept.

"Hello Ms Rochester. I hope you do not think my sudden visit is rude, but I was in the neighbourhood and thought I may call on you"

"Of course your visit is not rude, it is very welcome. I find myself alone today, and the company is much needed. Please, sit"

He bowed to her before taking the seat across from her.

"I hope that you are doing well, and the baby too. You look very well"

"Thank you, I am"

"You must be very excited now"

"I am so thankful, and so happy. If it was not for none of my dresses fitting, I would have a hard time believing it to be true"

The Captain smiled brightly,

"I dare say. And where is Mr Rochester today?"

"He is in town on business. He left quite early this morning, but I do not expect to see him today for quite a while"

"I am sure he is thrilled to be tied up with business all day"

"Ah, so you understand the joys of business as well"

"Not to the extent your husband does, I am sure".

"Well, nor do I. But the look on his face this morning was telling enough"

The Captain laughed, and Jane continued.

"He will be sorry to have missed you today"

"Well actually, in fact, it is you I have come to see today".

Jane looked at him quizzically, and he nodded.

"Yes indeed. I have a purpose in being here. Diana told me that my confidences would be safe with you, because you are non-judgemental and kind. Though I could have deduced that for myself."

"Thank you, that is very flattering. But would you not rather confide in your fiancee?"

"Here you have reached my hitch. My confidences are connected to Diana- certain things that weigh heavily on my conscious before I do wed"

Jane nodded, "Of course. Well Captain, I will hear whatever it is you want me to hear"

"Diana is the most wonderful woman I have ever meet. She is perfect for me, in every way. But you see, she is not the only woman I have ever meet, and, if I am being frank with you, she will not be the only woman I have lain with in my life"

His face burned a bright red as he spoke. Jane could tell that this new vulnerability cut at him like a knife, that he had to build up much courage to say such words to her. She waited for him to speak again, but his courage seemed to falter, so she intervened.

"Captain, I am sure that Diana told you of myself and Edwards unconventional union?"

"She did"

"Then you will know that when I agreed to marry my husband I knew he had been with other women. I agreed to the marriage not because this did not matter to me, but because he was honest with me, and never tried to hide that particular truth. I knew that if he was honest in telling me something difficult to confess, I could trust him. If I had not known going into the marriage, if that had been kept a secret, I cannot say I would have forgiven him, or ever felt the same about him".

"You are telling me I must be honest with her"

"I am advising that you do. Marriage forgives more than people think it does, so long as honesty and truth is at the centre of it all. Without trust, you will be so unhappy"

He nodded, seeming to understand her sentiment. He sighed as he looked up at her.

"You must think me a brute, and ungentlemanly. In truth, have not been with many women. In fact, there has only been two. One was when I was very young, I hardly knew what I was feeling before I was with that young lady. The other was some time ago now, but still in the near enough past for me not to blame it on youth. I had been at sea for months, only among men, and I sought a woman's care and company. Well, I did receive it, but it meant nothing and left me feeling empty. They never meant anything to me. I am only sorry that I cannot be the way I ought to be for Diana".

Jane looked kindly at him,

"We all live with mistakes we have made. But we do not have to live with the regret of those mistakes. Be honest with her. Implore her good nature. Be straightforward. Women are often wrongfully kept in the dark by their husbands, but in something as intimate as this, it would be especially unfair".

There was silence for quite a long time, but Jane felt that he needed the time to reflect and internalise, so she did not interrupt it. Eventually he looked at her again, and she could see the thoughts running in his mind on his face. When he spoke, his voice was as honest as she had ever heard it.

"How did you know to trust him again? After he lead you to believe that he was unmarried?"

Jane felt a small pit in her stomach. It was odd. When she thought about it, no one had asked her that question besides her husband- not even Diana, Mary or Anne. She had always assumed they had understood, or at the very least trusted her judgement until they meet Edward and understood the truth. It was a natural question to ask- one that must draw a natural curiosity from people who knew the story. From the outside, Jane's task of trusting him again must have seemed an impossible one.

She was so long in answering that the Captain looked quite nervous.

"Forgive me, Ms Rochester. I did not mean to ask an impetuous question. I know why you trusted him, I know he is an excellent man who was taken advantage of as a youth-"

"No, your question was not impetuous" Jane assured, "I have just never been asked it"

The Captain look a small breath of relief as Jane spoke again.

"I never lost my trust of him. I knew why he had lied to me, I knew that it came from a place of hurt and grief. He did a very wrong thing, but it was in the attempt to gain an honest, and pure love. His nature was made for that very kind of love, but it was forever denied him in his being taken advantage of. In spite of what he had done wrong, much wrong had been done to him. God knows he spent his time repenting. I left him because I knew that I would never stop loving him, and thus if I stayed I would be sacrificing the respect I had for myself. I left for myself, not to further punish him".

"You speak remarkably" Captain Franklin said, moving his hat in his hands absentmindedly, "You speak as if the pain he caused you is secondary to the pain you inflicted upon him in leaving"

Jane smiled a little sadly, "Knowing you have done something wrong that has cost you the chance of happiness forever is a horrible burden to bare"

The Captain looked down and chuckled briefly as he shook his head.

"Indeed, you are right. I do not want to bare that burden myself"

He looked back up at her curiously,

"You would have made a good sea Captain"

"I can assure you that your statement is quite wrong. I could never look up from being sick long enough to command anyone"

"Captains need to be honest" he laughed, "And the best are quiet leaders, even if they do get seasick".

. . . . .

As Jane suspected, Edward did not return for dinner, nor even after that. The evening passed into night without any word, and so Jane got into bed. She tried to stay awake, but she was recently so tired that as soon as she got into bed, she fell sound asleep.

The next thing she knew, she was woken by a soft kiss planted on her forehead. Her eyes fluttered opened to look upon a smiling Edward, who bent down and pressed his lips gently to his wife's.

"Hello sweetheart" he said, warmly.

"Hello" replied Jane, a little dazed with sleep, "What time is it?"

"It is very late. Nearly one"

"Have you just gotten home?"

"Yes, I'm afraid we had a problem with one of the horses. I am so sorry I did not get to eat with you, or wish you goodnight"

Jane's hand moved to his face, and she stoked his cheek with her thumb.

"You did not kiss me goodbye this morning, and you did not kiss me goodnight either. You have put out my whole day"

He learned over her, trying to make amends, but she moved her mouth away from his.

"I will say, I thought of only you when I rode in the carriage both there and back"

"I am sure you did. _Only_ me"

"Indeed. Well, I thought of what I was going to do to you when I got home"

"Oh is that so?" Jane asked as he climbed above her.

"Yes, and what you were going to look like, and sound like, and feel like"

He moved over Jane slowly, and this time she did not make an effort to move her lips away from his. He moved her down into the bed with his lips, pressing needily into her. His lips moved to her jaw, her collarbone and neck as she sighed heavily, arousal flooding her senses. Jane wrapped her arms around his neck as the kiss deepened and her breath hitched in her throat. He smiled at his accomplishment and pulled back.

"I imagined kissing you like this for a long while, and listening to the little gasping, pleading noises you make"

"I do not make gasping noises, nor pleading ones" Jane protested, smiling.

"You do indeed. But then-" he said, flipping back the blankets and turning them over so that Jane lay on top of him.

"I would move us like this so that you were lying the length of me, and I could feel your body stretched out over mine. I would have perfect access to feeling your bum, which I would do, good and proper".

Jane chuckled as he did so, pushing her palms into the bed and exhaling heavily.

"And then I suspect that your hips would make the small circular motions they are making now, and if you really wanted to encourage me, you could moan in the way that drives me to the brink of insanity"

Jane moaned playfully, chuckling slightly, and subsequently felt the result of it. His hot mouth moved over hers again, and she deepened the small circular motions of her hips.

"No distracting me Jane"

"I do not know what you could be talking about" she said, innocently.

As he looked at her, a smile still etched into his face, something changed. His face fell into a serious, questioning expression. Pure love penetrated his eyes with such force that Jane was momentarily taken aback.

"Then" he continued softly, his tone shifting also into seriousness, "I would tell you that your slip is in the way, and I would remove it like so. Then, I could observe your full body in complete honesty, and fall in love all over again with every inch of you".

Jane pulled herself into a seated position so that she straddled her husband, his hands moving onto her round stomach. New dark marks on Jane's stomach had formed recently, and had become a slight source of insecurity for her. She had reminded herself how silly it was to feel insecure, because of what they represented, but still sometimes she looked upon them and worried that her husband would find them unattractive. Tonight her marks just seemed darker and deeper than normal. But Edward's finger traced the lines of the scars and he kissed each with great tenderness.

"You must be the most beautiful woman in the world"

Jane pulled up his face to meet her lips, forcing him back into the pillows. He groaned deeply as he held Jane close to him. Jane's hands fumbled with the buttons on his night shirt, and he aided her in pulling it over his head. Jane was always slightly taken aback with the sight of him. He truly was truly the most handsome man she had ever seen. Jane's fingers traced the scar on his forehead, his neck, and down to his shoulder. He watched as she pressed her lips to his shoulder tenderly,laying her cheek against him. He slowly pulled her face close by her chin and kissed her. Once again he turned them so that he was on top of her, his skilful lips leaving her heady and breathless.

"Then" Edward spoke lowly, "I would make love to you".

He mounted himself over her and moved inside of her in one easy motion. She moaned deeply as the desperate need that had consumed her head and heart was filled. Her husband began to rock gently, watching her intently as her breaths became laboured and strained.

"I would wait until you told me to be slow or fast, or gentle or rough. I would wait to hear your cries, and your pleads, and I would try to tell you how much I love you, or what you mean to me, but-"

His thoughts were cut off by his own sharp breath and low groan of pleasure. Jane smiled briefly before her face contorted in frustrated need. His slow and steady pace was agony. She wrapped her legs around his waist and clung closely to him. He smelled so good, he felt so good.

"Shh" Jane soothed, "Shh"

She felt the pressure building inside her head, she felt her stomach expand painfully, she was so close.

And at once it all washed over her in a moment of unimaginable pleasure. Waves of sensation pulsed through her tired, weak body as she tried to remain strong for her husband, who released moments after her. She felt his body tense before releasing, and the sound of his voice ringing out was absolutely the most perfect found in the world to her. He lovingly pressed his lips to her neck, and her jaw as she tried to steady her breathing. He too was out of breath, a light sheen of sweat covering his body. Jane smiled at him as he kissed her forehead, his face breaking into a radiant smile.

Jane closed her eyes as she felt him press his lips slowly to her cheek. She sighed heavily, turning to look at Edward intently. She felt lightheaded and weightless.

"I love you" she promised him, taking his hand and kissing it sweetly.

"Tell me" he implored, settling back into the bed so that she could lay in his arms.

"What is it I must tell you"

"How much you love me"

Jane drew him close for a kiss before answering, running her fingers over his hip.

"I cannot. It would be impossible. I could not tell you the first time we lay like this, which means I certainly couldn't now".

He smiled happily, looking up at the ceiling and closing his eyes. There was extended silence until Edward turned onto his stomach so that he faced Jane, who propped her back against pillows.

"Then you must tell me of your day" he said, "Every boring detail, every unimportant thought. Something felt off as I got ready for bed, knowing that I did not know what your day was like"

"I must say, I felt quite well getting into bed and falling asleep without knowing how your day was" Jane teased, "Finances, estate property lines, and wages. All fearfully exciting"

"Ah, I see now. What a bore I must be to you. How kind you are for putting up with me".

"I am a saint" Jane confirmed, but she paused. "How were your meetings?"

"They were dull, but the work was well done. You know I would rather be home with you"

"Yes, but you are not just a husband, you are a master to many people on this estate"

"Including you?"

"So long as I remain yours, then yes"

He chucked, and ran his fingers through her messy curls.

"Today I looked for a solution for John, and Leah. And I think I may have found one. There is a small house on the edge of the estate, which has been abandoned for many years. The previous owner kept a vicar there, for the church that had a congregation here at one time. The church has since burned down, and no attempt was made to rebuild it. Still, the vicars hours stands. I thought I may offer it to them, as a sort of retirement home. I doubt John will take it as a gift for free, and nor do I think Leah would be happy accepting it, but perhaps if I can offer him some job on that end of the estate which is not really a job, but would occupy him, he will accept then".

"It seems like the perfect solution, almost like it was meant to be"

"Let us keep our fingers crossed that it will be. Now" he said, kissing Jane's stomach and between her breasts before looking at her, "What of your day?"

"Captain Franklin was by today"

"Oh really?"

"He came by because he had questions about marriage"

"You are very cryptic. What kind of questions?"

"Well, not really questions. He wanted advice regarding what to tell Diana, or not tell her,before they are to be married"

"I have an answer to that" Edward said, passively disgruntled.

"I told him that to know the truth is always better than believing a lie. At first he did not seem to like this very much, but I think he listened, and I hope he will take my advice"

"Why is it that he sought you for advice?"

"Because I am a married woman. Also, I think because he knowsour history, and perhaps believed I may have been more forgiving of the truth that he wanted to keep to himself"

"Which was?"

"He is not a virgin"

Edward looked from Jane to the fire, sighing.

"Of course if he knew our past he would come to you for advice on whether a wife would want to know if her husband was a virgin or not" he said, angrily. Jane ran her fingers calmly along his back so that he drew his gaze back to her.

"I know that you don't like all your choices of the past, but you cannot let them haunt you forever. We are married now, we have a child on the way. This does not matter anymore, or at least I will not let it matter if it costs us our happiness. Besides, as he will be family soon he has a right to know"

"So you believe in telling family every private detail of our lives?" he shot at her,

"No, I believe the opposite. But I also believe that when someone confides a difficult truth in you, one can afford to be trusting of them in return. Especially if you can help in being honest"

"So not every detail of our lives is known to our family and friends" he asked, gruffly.

"No. In fact, Anne asked me the other day if our relationship was suffering-"

"Why would she ask you a thing like that!"

Jane stifled a smile.

"Because, she assumed that since I am now pregnant we have not been _intimate_ with each other since our child's conception"

"Good God, the things women ask each other. And what was your reply to this ghastly question!"

"That I was baring it as well as I possibly could" Jane said, grinning, leaning forward and pressing her lips to her husbands teasingly. As she pulled back from him, his face stretched into a questioning look.

"Does she tell you of her own _intimate_ life, as you put it?"

"Oh yes, often"

"And do you tell her anything of ours in return?"

"Never"

"Why? If she confides such in you"

"It is private to me, and special. I do not want anyone else to know"

Edward shook his head, "Indeed. Well, I cannot say I am complaining about that".

Jane shrugged, "Well, besides, the more I talk to women, the more unique I find our situation. To many women, being intimate is simply about duty- doing what you must for your husband and enduring it as best you can. I think if I spoke honestly about what we have, what I feel when I am with you, I would make the other women feel cold and distant from their husbands when such is not the case, or at least if it is the case, it is not their faults".

Edward looked intently at her.

"I know I am not supposed to take pride in such words, but is it wrong if I do?"

Jane pulled him to her so that she could cuddle into his chest. She was tired, and after having been roused from sleep, she was feeling drowsy all over again.

"Well take pride in the fact that you woke your wife up to make love to her and she did not fall asleep during it. I am so tired these days."

Edward laughed heartily with Jane, kissing her temple.

"I did not wake you up with the intention to make love to you. I just wanted to hear your voice" he said, genuinely.

Jane smiled against him,

"Right, of course".

He grabbed the blankets up from the bottom of the bed, and located Jane's disposed nightshirt from nearby.

"Darling, its too cold to sleep without this" he said, but she was already sound asleep. Edward smiled to himself as he covered her in her own blanket before pulling the rest of the blankets from the bed over her. How perfect she was, he thought.

Within seconds, he too was asleep.


	78. Chapter 78

As the weeks further progressed, Captain Franklin and Diana's wedding began to become materialised.

The couple originally wanted a wedding in the early summer so that their honeymoon could take place at the seaside, but, as the planning actually began, it became clear that this wouldn't be an option. The Captain's family were travelling to Bath in the early summer to take up a summer residence, and the old and long English winter was sure to carry into early June, so a seaside honeymoon was bound to be a very cold one. The decision in the end was to move the wedding to early May. Jane was quite relieved at this decision. She was due to give birth in early June, and seeing as uncomfortable as she already was, she doubted she would be any more comfortable at the wedding days before she gave birth.

Diana did not have many people to invite to her wedding. She wrote to her brother with the news, and did not receive a reply for quite some time. When a letter did come addressed to her, she found it to be very cold and distant. He wrote that he did not have much time for letters, and that because he could not possibly make it back for her wedding that it was unnecessary, and a waste of the postal service in the town he worked in. Though he did congratulate her, and wished her well, his previous comments marred his kinder sentiments. Jane did not blame Diana for being upset with her brother. Jane herself had often been off-put and frustrated by his cold and distant behaviour which he claimed was caring enough. Yes, he was far away, but the fact that he was her only brother made Jane think that he would have made more of an effort to show enthusiasm.

Where Diana had almost no family to invite, Captain Franklin had a great number of people. Between his own large family, fellow military men, and friends, he had accumulated quite a large group by the time wedding invitations were sent out. The wedding was to take place in the county the Rochester's lived in. The small cottage and surrounding town that the girls inhabited was too small to host such a wedding, and it was a long ways off for the Captain's family to travel. It was easier to move the two girls to the Rochesters rather than the whole wedding party, and such was a happy arrangement.

The night Jane and Edward received their wedding invitation in the mail, they also received the enclosed note St John had written Diana. Jane opened the letters as she sat by the fire, warming herself before intending to climb into bed.

"Edward, listen to this. Diana has sent the letter St John wrote her, and I fear she has every right to be mad with him".

"I am expecting to be thoroughly entertained'

 _"Dear Diana,_

 _I am sorry if this is a late reply. As I told you when I left, the postal service here is limited and saved only for emergency. We tend to not send casual and friendly letters as it is a waste of valuable resources. Since it would be impossible for me to return for the wedding I wondered whether I should have sent this letter at all. Still, you must not think me uncaring, I am happy to hear your news. You tell me he is a naval Captain, and such is an honourable career. There is not more I can know from only a letter of his character, but I trust your judgement._

 _You may send word when you are married, I hope all goes well on that day and that you are happy._

 _St John"_

"What a charming man" Edward said, sarcastically amused, "A true gentleman"

"You see he is devoted to following the rules of the operation he is part of. That must count for something"

"You can swing this any way you want, Jane. It does not take away from the fact that he hurt his sister and does not seem to mind"

"No, indeed not" Jane agreed, laying down the letter beside her and moving to the bed slowly.

"I cannot believe he proposed marriage to you, and you considered him" Edward mused. "Surely after one day of marriage with him you would have died of a lack of stimulus and attention. He would have turned the passionate blood that courses through your veins to dust".

Jane shot him an amused, warning look as he sat on the edge of the bed to remove his socks. He paused from his task, looking forward.

"I just imagine you sitting at his table, knitting or quilting, or doing some other mundane task an elderly woman might do as parishioners come to your door, asking for their sins to be forgiven. At night you would sleep so far apart in the bed that you might as well sleep alone, and you would not dare move in your sleep for fear of taking too much of the blanket with you. If he accidentally brushed you he would apologise in a horrified manner, begging your forgiveness. But, fear not, you may have some private, intimate time together in the morning as you say his prayers with him. Hearing his own prayers read aloud to him may really get him going-"

Jane smacked his arm as he laughed, turning around and getting into bed.

"Edward Rochester, you are mad"

"You were mad to consider him!" he fought back

"You know very well I never actually considered him"

"Yes" he said, pulling her close to him and kissing her temple. She begrudgingly let him kiss her lips briefly.

"I should make you sleep so far away from me tonight that you might as well be sleeping alone" Jane said, unimpressed.

"I am afraid that will not do. I am too dependant on you now, I cannot sleep without you beside me. And I have a sneaking suspicion you would slowly make your way over to me in the night too".

Jane looked at him, her eyebrow raised.

"I do not know if you are saying such to suck up to me and stay on my good side, or if such is a twisted way of apologising for dinner tonight"

"Oh come on, you know I am being very serious with you when I said that to you. Besides, the dessert wasn't my fault, it was laid very close to my own plate, and I could not tell the difference"

"Right, well after one slice of pie it can be often hard to remember if the second is for you or not"

Edward chuckled softly as Jane turned onto her side and propped her face up on her arm so she could observe her husband.

"I wonder what marriage will be like for Diana" Jane mused, thoughtfully. "It must be so different for her than it was for me. I knew you. I knew how much I loved you when we married. I knew that I could entrust anything to you. That kind of bond made me unafraid. Our story is so unlike most, and Diana's is so typical. A woman is expected to meet a man who is respectable and gentleman like by chance at a dance or some other social event, you are introduced to him, and then if you are lucky,he likes you in return and calls upon you at home. Then, you spend the following months seeing each other on brief occasion only when there are others around you. How could this be enough to know if that is the person you want to spend the remainder of your life with?"

"So, you are telling me that most husbands are not their wives masters and do not impart of all his secrets and wrongdoings onto her? That most men and women do not spend hours upon hours alone in a study, talking of everything that could possibly pass between two people?"

Jane laughed,

"Little did I know all that time you were preying on me, waiting for me to fall desperately for you. You know, I thought we were friends"

He grinned at her, biting his lip characteristically. "You were my friend then, and you are my friend now. I treasure that above all else. As you say, our wedding was not typical, but then again, the love I feel for you and the love I feel in return is not typical. Diana, I am sure, will be a very happily married woman. They love each other, even if they are unaware of how little they truly know of one another now- and that should be enough".

He stroked Jane's cheek as he continued, drawing her close to him and pressing his lips to hers briefly, but overpoweringly.

"That is part of the joy of marriage, learning what your partner looks like in the morning, how they eat, the sound of them sleeping- all those moments are divine ones".

Jane placed her hand in his affectionately as he raised it to his lips.

Rain pounded on the window outside. Far off in the distance, Jane could hear the wind howl and roar, but that noise was smothered by the patter of rain. She loved its sound. It was nature's personal lullaby to her. After a long pause of perfect silence, Jane moved her hand unconsciously to her husbands hair and began playing with it. He smiled softly at the sweetness of her action, looking into her face.

"Are you alright darling? You play with my hair when you are uncomfortable"

"I feel okay. My back is hurting a little. Laying down is becoming more uncomfortable now".

"I know" he said gently, rubbing her back. "You do not sleep very soundly in the nights anymore either"

"I should not complain" she continued, "Mostly I feel very well. Having trouble sleeping is such a small concern to have"

"No, it is not a small concern. What can I do to make you more comfortable?"

Jane took his arm and stretched it out, laying on top of it with her back to her husbands chest.

"Is this uncomfortable for you?" Jane asked, "Am I too heavy?"

He chuckled, shaking his head. "No sweetheart"

"Your arm supports my back this way". She sighed deeply, That is much better".

He placed his hand on her stomach, caressing it with his thumb.

"This feels right, like it was always meant to be this way. Thank you for carrying our child".

Jane snuggled closer to him, moving her own hand to her stomach.

"You have made me so happy, in everything we have shared. I love you so much"

The rain beat against the window even louder as his lips kissed the back of her head, both easing into an easy rest.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jane prepared for the babies arrival as best she could, though she had no previous knowledge to use for herself. She had never lived anywhere where a baby had been born, so she did not fully know what the preparations consisted of. At Lowood they did not take children under five years old, and Jane was the youngest in her aunts home so she encountered no babies there either.

All in all, since Jane and Edward both did not know what to expect, they tried to have a sense of humour about the whole process, though Edward succeeded in this more than Jane. On one particularly bad day for Jane, her mood swings had overcome her completely and she found herself in tears on the floor after having torn the coverings around the bassinet. Edward had lifted her up and calmed her before promising that with a very little amount of minimal effort they could remedy the situation with new fabric and all would be well again. He looked amused as he took the torn material from her hands and kissed her forehead.

On another occasion, Jane had picked a fight with Edward over whether they would be hiring a nanny or not for the baby. Jane had said that she did not want one, that she was the child's mother and Edward was his father and there would be no need of one. Edward had agreed whole heartily, but suggested after that if she became overwhelmed, it may not be a bad idea to enlist some extra help. This had sent Jane into a fury in which she accused him of not thinking her capable, or able of being a good mother.

"Jane darling, that is not what I was saying. Babies are overwhelming for all woman. The extra help does not mean you are a bad mother-"

"And where will you be, if I am overwhelmed?" Jane asked, "Why is it that you will not be able to help with the baby? Do you think a father has no place in raising a child?"

"No, of course I do not think that. I am just saying, perhaps as first time parents-"

"We will be horrible" Jane finished, unreasonably.

Edward sighed, and Jane could see he was angry at the same time he was sad. Instantly she felt guilty. She hasn't meant anything she had said, and worse, she had upset him. She was used to her bad moods rolling off his shoulders with ease, but not this time. This time she had struck a nerve.

"I'm sorry" she said quickly, trying to remedy the situation. "Edward I'm so sorry"

"Do you really believe that?" he asked, solemnly, "People often say things when they are angry that are true, but they do not have the courage to say them when they are less emotional"

"No" said Jane, honestly and fully. "I don't believe it at all"

Jane reached out for his hand, and he obliged her at once. She put her other hand up to her mouth and shook her head. Tears rose to her eyes, not from sadness, but from being overwhelmed with her own emotions.

"Edward-"

"Jane Rochester, look at me"

She looked into his face- his warm, familiar, loving face.

"Now Jane Rochester. If you love me half as much as I love you, all is well. I know you are overwhelmed- oh darling, dry your eyes"

He pulled her close to him as tears streamed down her face. After a few moments silence he chuckled softly into her, kissing her temple.

"I'm sorry, I do not mean to laugh at you. You are just so sweet as you cry in my arms. Tell me what I can do to help"

"No, I don't need your help, I know it is silly. I also know you are busy, I shall be very well in a moment. You can return to your office now, if you like"

"Not until I see you settled, come" he said, tugging on her hand for her to follow him back into their room. "I will lay with you for a while until you are asleep. Then I will slip away to my study and be ready to see you when you wake".

"No, truly Edward. Look, I will go in and lie down myself" Jane protested, getting onto the bed and laying down with great difficulty. Edward watched in great amusement from the door, leaning casually against it with his arms folded.

Jane sighed as she relaxed back, looking up at the ceiling. Her large belly was quite inconvenient as she tried shifting around to get more comfortable. On her back, there was too much weight pressing onto her. On her side, she felt a strain as her stomach twisted her into a weird position. She was long past the time where she could sleep on her stomach. Jane looked over her belly to see her laughing husband walking toward her.

He climbed onto the bed beside her and kissed her lovingly. Jane kissed him back, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him closer.

"The doctor said that you could try laying a pillow beneath you. It may ease your discomfort"

He took his own pillow out from under the covers and helped Jane wedge it under her back.

"That feels better, thank you"

"Of course. Now that we know the world has not come to pieces, and you are well, I shall leave you"

Jane smiled at him, holding his hand for as long as she could as he drew back.

"Come find me when you are well rested. I shall wait for supper until you can join me"

"Alright" Jane said warmly as he smiled and closed the door behind him.

. . . .

One evening towards the end of March, Edward stormed into the house after a long day at work. He threw his coat to the footman in the foyer and did not bother to close the door behind him as he marched into his office. Jane was filled with anger as she watched him. Whatever distress his work situation had caused him he did not have the right to abuse the servants. She stood with some difficulty and made her way out into the hallway where William was pulling the arms out of his masters coat.

"William, you must allow me to apologise for my husbands unfair and unkind behaviour".

"Madam, Mr Rochester is the best master I have known. He is not unkind"

"No, but throwing his coat at you and ignoring you is not only unkind, but rude".

William smiled kindly, bowing slightly.

"All is well miss. I did not mean to disturb your reading"

"Well I am now about to disturb my husband, excuse me" she said, turning and walking to his study.

She did not bother to knock as she opened the door, and she found him where she expected to see him- leaning on the mantle of the fire, looking into the flames. He turned to look at her, but without saying anything he looked back at the flames.

"I know, Jane. You have come to get mad at me for William. I will apologise to him later" he said, dismissively.

Jane sighed and walked towards him, putting her hand on his back and the other on his arm.

"What is wrong?"

He stirred uncomfortably and did not draw his gaze away from the fire as he responded.

"One of our major share-holders in the estate has gone bankrupt, it has caused quite the negative effect. Though nothing has been said on the issue, I know the order will come in a day or two and it will take me to London in order to deal with it"

"But London is not so very bad. Before you meet me you were quite the travelling man. You will not mind-"

"No, Jane. It is not for a day, or even two. This sort of trip would take me a week at least. With the wedding right around the corner, and you looking as if you will give birth at any moment I cannot risk it. And yet, it is vital this is addressed as soon as possible"

"Edward, the wedding is in two weeks time. I am not due for another month and a bit. I know you have no desire to go to London, but it does not seem you have much of a choice in the matter. I understand how important it is to settle this, especially since it could be at the servants and estate land-owners expense".

"It is the worst time for this to have happened. I knew that man was not to be trusted. You have influenced me too much Jane, you have made me soft. Before I never would have allowed for him to be part of the share group" he snapped, unreasonably.

Jane stepped back from him and moved towards the chair in the middle of the room. She had no desire anymore to try and soothe him by touch, and frankly she had stood for enough time that day to stand by him without purpose.

"Well, whatever the reason, the damage has been done now. All that is left is for you to fix it. I have a sneaking suspicion that when we become parents, much of life will feel inconvenient like this. It is good practice, I imagine".

"I could not blame a child as I blame this man. Nor could I blame a child for getting me stranded in London for a week. There is only you to blame for marring my judgement" Edward said stubbornly, missing the point of Jane's sentiment.

"Well your mind seems quite made up" Jane said "I think I will go to bed". She stood up and made her way from the room. She knew Edward's reluctant eyes followed her as she left, but she also knew he would come to reason on his own, and did not need her to push him into it. So, she went into her bedroom and got changed for bed instead of fretting over his sour mood.

Sure enough, an hour later, the bedroom door opened and Edward moved sheepishly inside. Jane was reading in bed, already changed with her hair down, and did not show any notice of him when he stepped into the room. He threw off his clothes and hung them over a nearby chair before climbing into bed. It was an oddly warm night amid England's cool spring, and he hated sleeping with a night shirt if he could help it. Jane smiled to herself, he was indeed very guilty looking.

"I apologised to William" he said finally after waiting for Jane to speak to him, but realising he would be waiting a very long time for the sound of her voice.

"And what was Williams response?"

"He forgave me, quite kindly". Jane nodded at him and returned to her book, in which he had great interest.

There was another overlong pause as Edward sighed, waiting again for his wife to start conversation but knowing it would not happen.

"Look Jane, I'm sorry. I cannot bare your quiet punishments when you are angry at me. I did not mean to get so worked up, it was just the part of my day which tipped over the rest"

"You have already given all the apologies you owe to people. You need not apologise to me" Jane said, fairly. He rolled his eyes.

"Well if that is true, why do you shun me?"

"I am not shunning you. I am engrossed in this book" Jane replied, once again looking at the pages before her.

"You are not" Mr Rochester protested, snatching the book from her. "One cannot read a book upside down. Not even one as smart as you, my darling".

Jane blushed slightly as she realised the book had been upside down.

"So you were giving me the silent treatment"

Jane took the book back with some strength and laid it on the bedside table.

"I am not giving you the silent treatment. I am thinking of an solution to the problem we currently face"

"Are you?" he asked, a little sceptically.

"Well, I was thinking. Surely if a share-holder has been lost to the estate this will influence Mr Eshton's estate as well. While you are both gone I could ask Anne to come and stay with me. She would be plenty good in helping me greet the guests who will be staying here for the wedding, and helping me about as it becomes harder for me. Together we will keep the company until you return. Besides, as you said, you do not like socialising, and the captain's family is said to be quite disagreeable. Perhaps the longer you can stay away from them, the better".

"You are not wrong about me disliking entertaining difficult people, but Jane, you could go into labour at any time in that week. What if you were to give birth while I was away?"

"Edward, we have run that risk many times before. I had lots of opportunity to go before now. Besides, perhaps in being optimistic you will not be gone for a week, perhaps it will be less"

"It will be a week for sure, darling. But I am afraid this meeting cannot be delayed another minute. This seems like the best solution, besides taking you to London with me"

Jane smiled, shaking her head.

"And you do not mind greeting guests without me? Perhaps it will look very rude"

"You shall have a week to get to know them when you return before the wedding, it would not be rude at all- especially given the circumstances. Diana and Mary arrive in two days, and a day after that the Captain will arrive with his family-"

"Remind me again Jane why he ever agreed to let them stay in our home"

"Because they will have no where to stay of convenience besides here, dear. It would look rude of us indeed if we had a house filled with empty rooms while the rest of the wedding party struggles to find comfortable accommodations"

"I do not want you overtiring yourself, Jane, with the guests" Edward said, seriously "I know what you are like. I know you take on too much, and that your giving nature leads you into promises you feel obliged to keep"

Jane shook her head,

"I will not be overworked. It is only a house party. My only regret is that you will not be here with me, everything is easier with you beside me. Still, you have work to attend to, and I will have my work too".

He kissed her hand before drawing back to look at her.

"Thank you, my wonderful wife. I will leave first thing with Eshton in the morning. God knows we shall both be put to the test in the upcoming days".


	79. Chapter 79

The next morning the Eshton's arrived early so that the men could get on the road quickly. Anne brought her ladies servant and her clothes for the week, and was more than happy to oblige Jane in staying with her. In fact, she seemed extremely enthusiastic to come stay. The Rochester's meet the Eshton's outside as the the carriage pulled up, and Anne bounded straight over to Jane, taking her hands and speaking in excited whispers.

"Hello dear Jane, I am so happy you thought to ask me over. I imagine we both would have had lonely houses for the next week, this way he will be of great comfort to one another"

"Yes, exactly. Thank you again, so much, for coming Anne. We have the large wedding party coming in a few days, and I could not manage alone"

"Of course you couldn't, look at you! You are so big now"

"I know, I can barely get out of a chair now and I still have a month to go"

"Hello Ms Rochester, I trust that you will keep my wife in check while I am away" Eshton said, taking off his hat and bowing to Jane. "My! You are grown since last time we saw you Jane, and that was but a week ago"

Jane nodded, smiling "Each day I am convinced that am expanding exponentially. As to your wife, she will not be needing to be put in check. I am positive we will have a wonderful time, and she will be an invaluable help to me"

He looked to his wife, "I'm sure she will be"

"Sir, your carriage is ready" John called, and opened the door of the carriage in anticipation.

"Thank you John. Jane?"

Edward walked a little ways away with Jane so that they would be out of earshot and turned to her.

"I am not happy about this, but I am thankful for your understanding and for your friend being here to look after you"

"There is nothing to be understanding of. I know that you do not want this and that you will be home the minute you are able. Until then, I eagerly await your return"

He grinned at her, speaking even lower.

"I fear I will miss you terribly. I am sure to have very lonely nights until I am back to you"

"Yes, and you best not forget it" Jane said, straightening the front of his coat.

He nodded, kissing her forehead.

"I love you"

"I love you. Be safe, Edward"

"I always am"

He took her hand and lead her back to Mr Eshton and Anne, who were saying their goodbyes in more animated and lighter tones.

"Thank you, Ms Eshton for looking after my wife. I greatly appreciate it" Edward said

"Of course. we shall have great fun"

"I am glad to hear it. Goodbye then darling, we shall see you soon"

"Goodbye Edward, Mr Eshton. Safe travels"

The two ladies watched their husbands enter the carriage and pull away, waving from the step as the carriage moved out of sight.

"Well, here comes our week of freedom from our husbands"

Jane smiled at her, "Come, we shall start with some tea".

. . . . . . . . . . .

Anne seemed to know everyone in town, and people were deeply trusting of her. Perhaps it was her beauty, or it was her general friendliness and kindness to everybody, but Anne seemed to be confided in constantly. She kept the things she was told to herself, apart from telling Jane, who she claimed was the most trustworthy and honest person she had ever meet. Jane did not spread gossip, but in the small town she lived she thought it may be useful to know certain things of people, and without Anne she had no way of figuring those things out for herself. So, Jane never discouraged her friends gossip of other people.

As tea was brought to them in the library, Anne turned to Jane.

"You are quite the talk of the town at the moment" she confided, thanking Leah for the tea she was offered.

"I cannot imagine why"

"Can you not? You have married the richest man in the county who is also attractive and now the father to your child. Plus, he has an interesting past which people will always be interested in, but never know much about. Besides, people know of your general intelligence and kindness. Often with women these qualities do not go hand in hand"

Jane blushed, "That is flattering, but they couldn't possibly know that from me-"

"No, that is why one must be careful in how one treats their servants"

"Apart from wanting to treat them with fairness, comfort and consideration because as employers we have a moral obligation" Jane said, correctively.

Anne smiled, "No, of course. But servants do talk, and they speak the truth of their employers far more than those of the upper class".

"I believe that. You forget that I was a servant"

Anne nodded, grinning "Yes, but I also know that you did not speak out against Mr Rochester while you were his servant, nor would you have betrayed any employer you would have worked for"

Jane was always surprised at how casually Anne thought of her past. Most people in the upper-class circle felt she was unworthy to be part of it, but Anne had always considered her a true equal, in spite of birth rank.

"I am sure everyone thought the Rochester line would end with Mr Rochester, for, as you know, he did not have his family as a young man. People are happy for you- or jealous of you, at the very least."

Jane looked to her friend, shaking her head.

"I wish everyone could marry for love, despite rank and situation. The world would be much happier"

"You did" reminded Anne softly, "So there is hope for us all"

"And are you happy, Anne?"

"I feel very good things are ahead for me and Mr Eshton, Jane"

"You have withheld this information for too long already" cried Jane, "I can see you are itching to tell me the good news, out with it!"

"I too am pregnant" she said, grinning brightly.

Jane pulled Anne into a tight hug, smiling.

"I am so happy for you both, how wonderful!"

They broke apart, Jane still looking at her friend.

"Anne, truly, what perfect news. You must still be early"

"Three months" she responded, but she suddenly looked less than genuine as she continued with a generic reply.

Jane surveyed her with a raised eyebrow. "Friends tell of their troubles. What weighs on your mind? If you tell me you are sure to feel much better"

Anne hesitated before she spoke, rubbing her hands together impatiently.

"I am very thankful, Jane. You mustn't think me ungrateful"

"Of course I do not" she assured her kindly.

"Well, I am relieved, in fact. I was starting to worry I could not conceive children. Me and Mr Eshton began trying to have children as soon as we were married. At first I was very hopeful, but as time went on, and there were no results, I began to worry. I knew that if I could not provide him with a child he would find it hard to look at me the same as a wife"

Jane felt a small pit in her stomach at these words. She too had felt the same, when she had lost their first child. It was a horrible place to be in.

"Then" continued Anne, lowering her voice, "We were with each other so infrequently I was starting to think he could not _desire_ me anymore. I knew that if we did not try, at least with some sort of frequency, that we would not have any luck. In the last few months, however, things have been better for us. Mr Eshton has not been gone so much with work, and with Edward helping him at home with managing the estate, he is with me much more"

Jane finally understood why Edward had taken on the enormous task of helping his friend with the estate; it wasn't just for him, but it was also for his marriage. Eshton must have confided to Edward that he was away from home a lot, and coupled with what Jane told him of Anne's unhappiness he must have taken it into his own hands to secure their proximity. Jane smiled to herself- he was a romantic for others as well as himself.

"But that is no reason for you to be troubled now. This is very common in marriages. Having children, or having the pressure of needing to have children placed onto you can feel very overwhelming. Especially if both parties are not especially keen in the task. Not to say that you weren't-"

"No, Jane. I have no secrets from you. You are not wrong. Mr Eshton was not especially keen in carrying out the task with me" she confessed, a little sadly. She gained a small amount of courage as she continued, her voice renewed.

"I do not think I mind it now. At first I did, but I am content in my tasks at home. I am a lady of a fine house, married to a fine man whom I love and whom loves me. I knew when I married him that he was a greatly occupied man, but I did not anticipate how much, however, until after we were wed. I cannot complain, he was always honest with me about his devotion to his studies. I just believed, perhaps out of a want to, that I could change him, and that I alone would be enough to tempt him out of his books and studies".

Jane took her hand.

"Mr Eshton is a very good man. And I believe he loves you more than he could love any other creature on the planet. Even those which he studies. He just has a different way of showing it. That in itself is unique to your love. There is no reason to be anything but excited for all that is to come"

Anne squeezed her friends hand, nodding.

"He wants a son. He has said he wants a son first, and does not care what may come after. But it is important our baby is a boy"

"That is unfair!" Jane remarked, "For no one has control over whether their child is male or female. At least if he is not a man of god, he is a man of science and knows such things are out of man's control".

Anne shook her head, shrugging.

"It is a tradition which has been upheld in his family for at least four generations. I do not think he wishes to break the tradition now"

Jane shot her an unimpressed glance, "A tradition formed only by chance"

Anne looked amused for the first time, chuckling slightly.

"Well, at any rate there is not much we can do about it. I will keep my fingers crossed for a son. And I will be content in the meantime".

"Your husband, I am sure, is simply overwhelmed with the news, and in the excitement of learning this all has an overly idealistic image of how much he can plan the child you will have together. When the initial excitement has warn off, and he settles back into normality, you will be able to discuss such things much better- I promise".

"I am only worried of disagreeing, or causing arguments concerning our child. Mr Eshton was raised in such a way that his family expects him to raise his child in the way he was raised, and his father was raised, and his fathers father was raised. I only want our child to be raised as _ours,_ and nothing else. You and Edward do not have these problems, of course-".

"No" Jane corrected her, "We do. Sometimes me and Edward do fight, and God knows it is my fault. My moods I cannot control, and often time my anger or sadness or frustration are taken out on him. It is difficult, but he understands that I do not mean to hurt him. Mostly we talk- a lot, actually. Talking saves marriages, I believe that. It also gets a couple through difficult situations"

"That will be me and Mr Eshton, eventually. We just need more practice". She seemed to assure herself as she spoke.

Jane nodded encouragingly.

"All in time, Anne. I assure you that with time all will feel much more settled, and you will feel much more like the natural mother I know you are. Everything will fall into place".

Anne looked down at her teacup which was surely cold by now and smiled quietly.

"Thank you, my friend. Your very voice, and its truthful nature, gives me a revived hope. Now, enough with this serious, heavy talk. Let us talk of happier things"

"Indeed. I am always up for that" Jane agreed, taking a biscuit for herself.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

The night progressed with easy conversation and a happy meal. After dinner, however, both retreated to their own rooms in order to have some personal time to rest before bed. Jane waved goodnight to her friend and watched her enter her bedroom before opening her own bedroom door.

The room was surprisingly changed without Edward. The bed looked bigger, the fire sounded louder, and the room seemed suddenly too large for one person. Jane walked slowly over to the bed where she could sit to remove her shoes and her clothes. She bent, with great difficulty, and undid her laces before kicking her shoes off. She then unbuttoned her dress and laid it next to her before slipping on her nightdress. Being pregnant, such small actions seemed at times an impossible feat. She sat in silence for a little while before finding the strength to stand and walk towards the fire where she dropped into her armchair.

She looked into the orange flames- felt their warmth play across her face. It was one of those small moments she was exceptionally thankful for.

Jane was not particularly lonely without her husband. Indeed, she had lived most of her life without a husband to return to each night. And yet, something felt incomplete- and she suspected that until the day she died, she would always feel this way without her husband with her. It was like when one walks to meet a very good friend; you are not lonely in walking to meet them, for you enjoy the scenery and the sounds and the smells of nature, but still you are eager to reach your friend at the end. Jane silently remembered all the nights that she sat alone like this in her room, believing that the situation she found herself in was always to be the state of her life. How different her life was now. But how could she have known? How could she have predicted the absolute bliss that would flood every inch of her existence?

As she moved her hand, she grazed something on the table beside her. Turning to look, she saw a letter addressed to her in a hand that she would never mistake for anyone else's. She smiled as she slipped opened the envelope and slid out the letter within.

 _"My Darling Jane,_

 _I hope when you read this you are sitting down in front of the fire at the end of your day, as we normally do. I know that today must have been incredibly busy, and you will not find my letter until you collapse into your armchair with exhaustion. If this letter remains untouched when I have returned, I will know you have betrayed our nightly routine for something undoubtedly more exciting and fun. Still, my Jane is not one to abandon such things as brings her much happiness, and so I know I will find this envelope opened upon my return._

 _I miss you immensely. You will call me absurd for writing such a thing before it has happened, but I know that I will miss you very much at the moment you are reading this letter. London, as you now know for yourself, is a horribly lonely place, despite there being so many more people there. Tonight I will sit and look out of my hotel window knowing that there is not one person in the streets below that I could ever love one hundredth as much as I love you. I think of you, and our unborn child that will give us a family, and I fear my heart rings with so much joy I worry others can hear it. God has made a grave mistake with me, and given too much of the world's happiness to one person. I am sure of it._

 _Keep me close to your heart until I can return to you. I keep you close to mine always. I find that I cannot untangle the way your heart and soul has been woven with mine. At times it astounds me- especially in sacred moments like the one I find myself in now, watching you sleep peacefully before me. I am you, Jane. And you are me. You possess everything I am, and everything I wish to be._

 _If I am to be away from you, such thoughts shall sustain me until I can hold you in my arms once more._

 _Yours always, with greatest love,_

 _Edward"_

Jane stared at the letter for quite some time after she read it, thinking of how his hand had moved over this once empty page, writing her such words of love and devotion. She smiled to herself, closing her eyes. Her whole heart filled and swelled with love. He wrote with such intimacy that it made tears rise to her eyes.

Standing slowly, she climbed into bed, pulling the blankets over herself. With such words in her head, renewed in his voice, she could fall asleep without another care in the world.


	80. Chapter 80

Rochester's Point of View

Edward stood in the door of his hotel room balcony, looking out over the unknown and unfriendly city with a weary glance. This city had not always been unknown to him, nor unfriendly, but in the years that had passed between the time he stayed here frequently and his current life, it had become cold and barren to his eyes. The inexhaustible variety of life in London had always interested him, and from this balcony he could watch at his leisure, undetected. People shouted below, carriages crammed through the heavily populated streets, ladies with parasols in immaculate cream dresses walked by women so filthy with dirt that their once white blouses were now a blotchy brown. There was something so unfair about it- even as he sat in his hotel room Edward felt a guilt knot his stomach. City life had a way of making one see the juxtaposing extremes of life that life in such close proximity.

The journey to London had taken all of the morning with the rough weather encountered, and so when Rochester and Mr Eshton had arrived, they both were eager to have some time to rest for a while before dinner. The pair were not able to meet with the other share-holders until the next day, so any push to try and meet the night of their arrival would be in vain. Edward had retired to his room, but Eshton had gone to a local pub for a drink or two. Rochester had refused the invitation to accompany him, for he had no desire to indulge in any pleasure in town. He merely wanted to complete the task they had been set and return home with as little fuss as possible.

Edward's travelling cases had been brought up to the room by a bell boy and still sat by the door, untouched. Secretively Edward hoped to not unpack the trunk at all, for it would take longer to pack it up at the end of the trip and it would delay him in returning home. He chuckled to himself as he thought of the time in his life where he would have unpacked everything in a feverish rush so that the hotel room could prove to be as much of a mock home as possible. He may have even stayed in this hotel before, but if he did, he could not remember the specific time.

He lay down on the bed, the silken bed covers proving to be far more delicate and elaborate than anything he needed in order to be comfortable. It had begun raining, and what was at first a small patter of water had turned to thundering against the balcony doors within minutes. Edward smiled to himself- he hoped Jane could hear the rain if it was indeed raining at home too. As soon as he had heard it, he missed his wife's always enthusiastic and always genuine comments that seemed to slip out in excitement.

"Edward, can you hear that? It is raining!"

He loved those moments which were so unique to her. Moments of uncontrolled enthusiasm that came from nowhere and made her seem so childlike in the way they overtook her. It was one of those amazing things that happen to a married couple that would be impossible to anticipate- you know your spouse so well, and become fused to them in such a way that makes you grieve any moment of their joy or happiness you cannot be part of.

This small thought created a pang in his chest. It was not proper, and it was certainly not the typical situation for a husband to feel this way, he reflected to himself. It was also abnormal that he missed his wife not only as his companion, but as his best friend. His days of not having anyone he loved to return home to were far gone, and the craving he once had to get away and be on his own were now only distant ghosts of empty emotion.

How much he craved her company now.

At that moment there was a harsh knock at the door. As Edward rose to answer it, he heard a familiar voice call from behind it.

"Edward, open up"

The door swung opened and he looked at his friend sceptically.

"Good god man, I did have to make it to the door before I could open it. What is your rush?"

"My rush is more bad news, I fear you will not like it"

Eshton stepped inside and threw his coat over a nearby chair. Edward sat in a seat by the fire, signalling for Eshton to join him.

"Well Eshton, you may as well be out with it"

He looked at his friend seriously, as if he was gathering courage.

"If you knew what I was about to say you would not be so encouraging. Our other share-holders who we believed would be meeting tomorrow will not be the men we normally deal with. With something as big as this change in finances, the top bosses are coming-"

There was a slight pause,

"Including Mr Tibs and Mr Olsen"

"What!" cried Edward, rising from his chair "Good god, you cannot be serious"

"I am very serious Edward. I had no idea when I allowed the men to sign as partners that they were actually the bosses making the calls. The men who I am assuming signed on their behalf were quite different, and seemed quite trustworthy"

"Well of course they would. Two businessmen like that are sure to have friendlier faces than their own at the front of their operations. And they are absolutely coming?"

"Without a doubt"

Edward had not seen Mr. Tibs nor Mr Olsen since Eshton's Christmas ball. There had been quite the spectacle when they had been thrown out of the event, and Edward was always secretly surprised when there were no repercussions for them having being embarrassed in front of a rather large group of guests. But he had been right to expect a sort of revenge, for it came in this form, and at this moment.

"Well, we need them out of this partnership, as soon as possible"

"Rochester we cannot do that now. With the other partner having pulled out we will have almost no financial security. Surely these men can be reasoned with, and if not reasoned, manipulated by us"

"I will not be doing any deals with the devil" Rochester said, frankly. "I knew Mr Tibs in Jamaica, Eshton. I saw the sort of businessman he was then, and trust me, you will want nothing to do with the sort of business he will be offering"

Eshton sunk lower in his chair, looking at the fire with a heavy sigh and then back at Rochester.

"You know you have a clear advantage over me in this situation. I cannot pretend I know anything of estate's finances, or how they are run, even in spite of your generous lessons. If you tell me we will be making a deal with the devil, then I know you speak rightly and we shall end the partnership now. But there will be danger of financial ruin?"

"Minimally, but yes".

Eshton stirred uncomfortably in his chair.

"Rochester, you know I cannot agree to that, even with the chance being minimal. I have that large houses, people on my estate- Anne and her family! If they knew the trouble we were in right now.."

Edward sat back down across from his friend. He put his hand to his mouth in thought before drawing it back down to rest on his leg.

"With those two having signed a partnership with your estate, they will not rest until the house is theirs. Why do you think they went after you and your estate? It is the largest and oldest in the county. It was owned by your excessively rich aunt and has a reputation attached to it. They know you are inexperienced as a master of an estate and will plan to take full advantage of that. If you choose to stay passive in this matter, Mr Tibs and Mr Olsen will slowly take power from you through taking advantage and suddenly you will be without a home, regardless. If we end their involvement in the partnership now, you have a fair shot of financially recovering with no long lasting effects. You will also, more importantly, be a free man".

"But how can I possibly make them terminate their partnership?"

Edward took some time in thinking of his answer. He poured him and his friend a drink, and in passing it to him the solution came.

"Mr Tibs and Mr Olsen do not know of my involvement. They will believe that you act alone and are like any other new estate owner- prone to poor financial decisions, excuse the generalisation. If you appeal to them, saying that you have already ruined yourself financially and are looking for their help, they are sure to pull out. A house already in financial ruin will be of absolutely no use to them".

"Rochester you are mad. But I think it may work"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jane's Point of View

The middle of May was beautiful that particular year. Although the weather still remained cold, the growth of spring had arrived, and Jane's hope for all the beauty of summer was reignited. She could now take longer walks, and could dare to venture outside of the garden confinements. In her condition, Jane could no longer walk alone, so she was grateful that Anne did not mind accompanying her. On their walks, they spoke of the wedding party which would be arriving in the next few days, and what they knew of each member.

Captain Franklin had a singular brother, a Mr Franklin of London. Mr Tom Franklin had recently become the most eligible bachelor in London after a long engagement with a young lady had been called off. Mr Franklin had been engaged to be married since he was nineteen and the lady was seventeen, but they were forced to wait until the time her uncle had claimed she could marry, which had been five years. At the end of this five years, however, the young lady had claimed her love had found a different devotion, and so she ended the engagement with Mr Franklin and married the next week to a wealthy aristocrat she had meet in Paris.

Very little was known of Sir Franklin and Lady Franklin. But Jane had noticed a sort of caution the Captain had used in describing them the last time he spoke of wedding arrangements with Jane. From his own guarded description, she felt like they thought too highly of themselves, were judgemental, and suffered with a lack of perspective and understanding that the generally very wealthy possessed. Jane suspected that the Franklin's overall would not prove to be so easy going or as kind as the Captain was, but she was determined to win over their affections and respect for the sake of Diana.

Diana and Mary arrived three days after Anne had come to stay with Jane. Their beaming faces as the exited the carriage was enough to make all of Jane's concerns over the upcoming days disappear. The four girls hugged each other enthusiastically before Mary turned to Jane.

"You are huge, Jane!" she said, and the group laughed.

"I know, and I still have a month to go. Imagine"

"But you look beautiful, absolutely glowing" Diana said

"You look so yourself, bride-to-be" Jane said, "How are you feeling for the wedding?"

"Nervous"

"Oh don't be!" Anne said, encouragingly, "We will not be outnumbered by the Franklin's. Not with us four along with Mr Eshton and Mr Rochester"

"Oh yes, where is Edward! We thought he would be here with you at the door. Is he very busy today?"

"In a sense. Edward and Mr Eshton have gone into town to deal with some urgent business that could not be left. They departed three days ago, and Anne has been kind enough to come and stay with me until they return, and of course, for your wedding".

Diana's smile faltered a little,

"And will they be back before the Franklin's arrive?"

"We are not sure when they will return" Jane said, honestly, "But we shall do all we can to keep the Franklin's occupied until they arrive"

"Greeting new members of a household without any gentlemen present.." Mary began. But before she could finish the thought Anne cut in.

"- will be a blessing for them, I am sure. Ladies are far more entertaining than gentleman anyways"

With spirits raised a little higher, the ladies all entered the house for their afternoon tea.

. . . . .

Over the next few days, the girls planned meticulously what exactly would happen when the family of Captain Franklin arrived. No one wanted any mistakes, or anything to go wrong that could easily be avoided. As much as the Diana, Mary and Anne helped, the responsibility fell on Jane's shoulders to command her staff and run things smoothly.

The morning of the Franklin families arrival, Jane went down into the kitchens before breakfast to speak to the all the servants of the household. When she stepped into the room they all straightened and bowed to her.

"Thank you all, please sit. I know I must rest after those stairs"

"Oh madam, you need not have come down all this way, and in your condition-"

"Oh, please John, I merely meant it in good fun. But please sit"

The eager group sat after she did and looked upon her with anticipation.

"As you know, today there arrives a rather large party of guests for Miss Rivers and Captain Franklin's wedding. Thankfully for me, many of you have more experience than I do in hosting parties, and so I will depend on your generous guidance and help. I come to tell you that the party we are expecting are not, from what I have been lead to believe, very agreeable. I do not say this to frighten you, only to promise that if there are problems of any kind, to any degree, please come to me and tell me, for I will look after them. I know that you will be wonderful, as you always are".

The room of servants assured Jane of their commitment and readiness before she once again climbed the stairs and walked into the dining room where Anne was now sitting quietly.

"Good morning" Jane called, bringing her to her senses, "How are you? This is indeed an early rise"

Anne nodded at her, "I went to bed too early last night. I woke and could not get back to sleep. What is it you were doing down there?"

"Just conversing with my staff about the families arrival today" Jane said, sitting across from her.

"My husband sent a telegram" Anne said, holding a piece of folded paper to Jane. "Read it, it contains good news"

 _"Dear Anne,_

 _Me and Mr Rochester do well in London. We have devised a plan with our investors and hope to be home soon, most likely sooner than we expected. Hope you are well, E."_

"This is wonderful news. Seems like things have gone well"

"Indeed. It will be good to have them both home again, though staying here with you has been more fun than I have had in such a long time"

Jane grinned over the rim of her teacup at her friend as John came into the dining room.

"Ms Rochester" John said, approaching with a letter on a silver platter, "A telegram from Mr Rochester that arrived this morning"

Jane thanked him as she took the letter from him. Diana entered the kitchen at just the moment that the letter was opened so that Anne was distracted in talking with her. Jane opened the wax seal on the telegram and slipped out the contents.

 _"Dearest Jane,_

 _I hope you are well my darling, and that this telegram finds you at the breakfast table where you will have a healthy appetite and a beautiful morning._

 _Our business in London has proven to be far more difficult than we originally expected. I cannot say more over this telegram, but I believe the solution to our more intensified problem will be faster than we originally thought, so we will be home before the week is out. Keep control of the fort until I return, I know you have been doing so marvellously on your own already._

 _I miss you more than I dare say, and cannot wait to return to you._

 _Much love,_ _Edward"._

Jane looked up from the letter to see the members of the table eyeing her expectantly. She slipped the letter into her pocket as she took up her tea cup again.

"It was from Edward. He believes he and Mr Eshton will be home before the week is out, so I suppose within the next few days. Their business in London seems to need less time then they originally anticipated"

"Excellent" said Diana as Mary rounded the corner and greeted everyone good morning.

"What is excellent?" she asked as she sat beside Jane

"Mr Rochester and Mr Eshton will be home before the week is out" Anna answered quickly

"Good. I long to see them both again. They are such fun"

The rest of the breakfast conversation was lighthearted and happy. After breakfast was over, Jane retired to her room to change into something more fitting for meeting company. She called up her maid Jenny in order to ask her opinion on which dress she should wear. There was a soft knock on the door of Jane's bedroom as Jenny stepped in, smiling.

"Good morning Jane"

"Good morning Jenny, I need your help"

"But of course"

"As you know, company arrives today, and I do not know which dress to wear. The yellow is too bright and far too reserved for summer when our weather is still so cold. The dark green is too fancy I think, with the embroidery. The lilac is for the wedding in a few days. That leaves me with the light blue and the pink, but I do not know which one. I have never been formally introduced to strangers who will soon become family"

"Hmm" thought Jenny, holding both dresses out at arms length to look at them. "Both colours suit you very well, and you look beautiful in both. The pink becomes you especially, and though is it more simple than the blue, you can wear the blue when you dine with them and the pink now"

"Good thinking Jenny, thank you"

"Now, if we help you into this dress I can give you some suggestions on your hair?"

Jane began to slide off her dress so that she stood in her slip. Her large belly pulled the slip almost to her knee before she could pull it down. She laughed to herself, and Jenny smiled.

"I have hardly seen anyone so big as you in their eight month miss"

"You tell me so! I feel as if getting out of a chair now is a large accomplishment and I still have a month left!"

Jane often found that now she was so pregnant it was all people commented on. But she did not mind. She was beyond happy at the prospect of becoming a mother and she was humbled by others enthusiasm for her new families happiness.

"But you will do very well. You seem so happy, and the master as well. I cannot wait until there is a baby in this house, what happy prospects!"

Jane smiled at her, nodding.

"It will be so new, for all of us. In quiet moments I am even anxious for it"

"Enough of that talk miss" Jenny said, buttoning the last button on her dress and turning her around. "I shall hear none of it. You will be a superb mother. Beautiful! Now, to do something with your hair.."

. . . .

In early afternoon all the ladies sat in the sitting room on the front of the house, waiting for a sign of the coach. All ladies had changed, and Jane thought all looked quite lovely. Diana and Mary had certainly bought some new clothes with the money Jane had gifted them some time ago, for when she first knew them they owned nothing but the simpliest of dresses that were plain and practical. Anne, who was always dressed to the utmost elegance, had changed into a wonderfully becoming orange frock. Not much was said in this shared time of anticipation. Jane tried to start some conversation with Anne, but seeing how quiet Diana and Mary were made her reconsider idle conversation, and so she took to glancing out of the window for a sign of their arrival.

And a sign came.

Shortly after two o'clock a carriage came into view at the end of the drive. After Jane alerted all the women present to it, they wheeled around and stood up, straightening their dresses. As the carriage pulled up in front of the house, Jane stepped through the foyer and onto the steps to be introduced. Of course she recognised the Captain at once; He stepped from the carriage and walked over to Jane, removing his hat and bowing lowly.

"Ms Rochester, indeed you look well"

"Captain Franklin, it is a pleasure to see you again, as always"

"Ms Rochester, please allow me to introduce my family to you. This is my father Lord Franklin, my mother Lady Franklin, and my brother, Mr Tom Franklin. Father, Mother, Tom, this is the Honourable Ms Jane Rochester".

Lord Franklin was a very large man, tall in height and long in features. His proportions were abnormal to the average man, with extended legs and arms but a short torso. His face was sharp and pointed with a long hooked nose. Dark circles, no doubt due to a family trait rather than a lack of sleep, covered a large area under his eyes, which surveyed the surroundings with quiet but an unwavering judgement. He made no attempt to make any sort of contact with Jane, nor did he make any attempt to acknowledge her.

Lady Franklin was similar in build to her husband, though far more graceful. Jane was reminded that in her youth she was most likely a very attractive woman with a feminine figure- yet at this point in her life, age had changed her. She looked as if she clung to the last notions of youth left in her face and in her figure, though there was nothing close to that beauty left now. Without her air of grace, Jane thought she would have appeared very silly. Her beautiful dress was perfectly crafted to suit her ageing structure, and made her even more appealing to look at. The large and elaborate hat she wore covered the majority of her face, but Jane could still see it was hollow and sunken, and her attitude of superiority flooded every feature she had.

Tom Franklin was quite more handsome than his already handsome brother with fair hair, dark eyebrows and thick eyelashes. His eyes were a rich shade of blue that still somehow seemed warm. When he smiled at Jane to say hello, which was the first civil acknowledgement of her presence, his smile was not genuine, rather seemed excessively rehearsed to achieve the perfect effect of welcoming presence each time he imparted it. Still, when he spoke Jane was grateful.

"Ms Rochester, it is indeed a pleasure to meet you. My brother here was just telling me of you on the carriage ride over. He is quite impressed with you, you know"

Captain Franklin looked at his brother in an odd, reprimanding way. Jane felt too that the comment was inappropriate, given she was a married woman and he had not yet meet his brothers bride to be. Still, Jane smiled and smoothed over the awkward moment.

"It is a pleasure to meet you as well. I hope you shall enjoy your stay here, we are very glad to have you all"

These words were the first acknowledgement she received from either Lord or Lady Franklin. They looked at each other, and then at her.

"You have saved us from lodgings at that small, and ancient looking Inn in town"

"No dearest" corrected Lady Franklin, "We would have made other arrangements rather than stay there, but it was a rather grim prospect"

"You have a very happy situation here" Mr Franklin said, referencing Jane's home.

Though it was not yet summer weather, the ground was no longer frozen, and tree's had begun to bloom and blossom. Grass covered the land again, and the house looked perfectly maintained. She had exceptionally talented gardeners.

"Thank you, you are very kind. I am lucky to be so fond of my home. Please, will you not come inside? I fear that the wind grows colder as the day becomes longer. I will introduce you to our other guests".

The initial meeting of the Franklin's with Diana was not fully what Jane had hoped. Though Lord and Lady Franklin were outwardly friendly to her, and made seemingly friendly enough small talk, Jane could tell they were dissatisfied with the match. Lucky, in Diana's happiness in seeing her fiance again, she did not notice the somewhat cold replies and retorts her kind questions were meet with. After everyone had mingled among the group for some time, afternoon tea was brought into the room, and the group spoke generally with one another rather than the previous situation of personal conversations between two. Lady Franklin addressed Jane from across the table as she buttered her cake.

"Ms Rochester, indeed it is very odd that you greet us without a husband. He must be very busy currently to miss our arrival"

"Indeed ma'am. But even if he were here, and very busy, that would not stop him from the very happy occasion of greeting you as his guest. He is out of town at the moment on urgent business- we expect him and Ms Eshton's husband to return within a few days"

"I see" was her reply as she sunk back into the chair, eyeing up the room silently once more.

"I hope your journey here was enjoyable" Diana said, pulling out of her conversation with Captain Franklin, who sat beside her. "When we arrived a few days ago the roads with quite full of holes after the winter"

"Well, the further you get away from the city the more you can expect such" Lord Franklin said, "It is part of the charm of country living"

"And do you enjoy country living?" Jane asked, conversationally.

"I do indeed. I enjoy fishing and hunting and shooting. The reason I do not live as such is my wife- for she enjoys the refinements of city living far too much"

"We also raised the boys in the country" Ms Franklin interjected, "We have had our time of country living. Now that our boys are men, there is no need for them to live in the country. They can already shoot and ride, what else does a gentleman need from the country?"

"A wife, mother" the Captain interjected, looking to Diana and missing his mothers unimpressed glance.

"Well yes, of course" she covered, poorly.

"Will you raise your family here, Ms Rochester?" Asked Mr Franklin, rising and being offered a glass of alcohol from John.

"Yes, of course" Jane said, "Although I suspect that the country is the better place to raise a child regardless, me and my husband are both better suited for country living. We are not city people".

"Perhaps that is because you have such little expose, it can be quite exciting as a young person, in a new city"

"I am sure you are right".

Jane meant the comment to be unimposing, but it seemed to spark something in Mr Franklin. He turned quickly and looked at her, a certain excitement in his manner.

"You mean that you do not know for yourself?"

"No, I suppose not. I have had very little experience of town"

"So you cannot say that you do not like it. How very cruel of your husband to not take you to town when you were first married. How long have you been married now?

"Almost one year. But I assure you that he is in no way cruel to me, especially in not, as you put it 'not taking me to town'. I have been nothing but happy here"

"Goodness, almost a year. And still the idea of marriage bliss has not been lost on you. How charming that is"

Jane would have been compelled to make a more unkind remark to him about knowing nothing of marriage, but knowing what she did of his long broken engagement, she settled on a kinder reply.

"I would wish my own happiness in marriage on anyone, including your brother and Ms Rivers"

The awkward questioning put on Jane dissolved into happier chatter among the group once more as general conversation began again, but Mr Franklin did not take his gaze off of Jane. Even as he took a sip of his drink he viewed her over the rim of his glass, eyeing her with an eagerness and an interest that made her stomach knot uncomfortably. She wished in that moment more than ever before that her husband would come home.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The following days in the Rochester house were more relaxed and comfortable than the first day the two groups had meet-and that is exactly what the house felt like, two different group's co-existing in each others space. When Jane was alone with the girls or Captain Franklin she was quite at ease and happy, but with the Captains family she felt quite put on her guard and carefully assessed everything she spoke aloud as to not give any ammunition for debate or argument. She also avoided Mr Franklin, especially situations where it was possible for them to be alone. Though he did not do anything particular to her, she was still uncomfortable around him and wished for distance. Each night, Jane, Diana, Mary and Anne went to bed exhausted after a day of forced civility and conversation. There was not even a spare moment in the day to be alone, for the Franklin's were constantly in expectation of amusement.

Not only was Jane tired from the constant social interactions, but she did not sleep well in the nights and had a very small appetite in the days. In the afternoons she found herself almost drifting off so frequently that when it was time for bed she greeted it with great enthusiasm. Such was the case on the fourth night of her company's visit. Early in the night she started to feel her eyelids drop and her eyes could no longer focus on the fire before her. She had excused herself early, and retired to her room where she got changed for bed and was asleep before her face touched the pillow.

Hours later, Jane's eyes flickered opened to see a still relatively dark room. All was quieter now, which meant that much time had passed, and everyone had gone to bed. Jane looked towards the window and noticed the blind had been drawn over the window, an action she had forgotten to do before bed. As she moved her positioning in bed to look more closely she felt her body make contact with something solid. She turned over, with great difficulty, to see her husband laying beside her, his breathing deep and steady. Jane beamed with happiness, her face breaking into a wide smile. She leaned over and pressed her lips to his forehead without hesitation. She then kissed his cheek and his chin. When she roused him enough that he stirred, she pressed her lips to his softly. He curled up from his laying position and placed his hand on the back of her neck, drawing her closer to him. Jane kissed him back against the pillows before she pulled back, looking at his happy face. His hand reached up to caress her cheek and he kissed her forehead lovingly.

"I'm sorry" he said, gently, "I did not want to wake you when I arrived home"

"You should have" Jane protested, laying down beside him again. She felt tears flood her eyes and easily spill over, despite her efforts to keep them in. Her pregnancy made her feel every emotion enhanced ten fold. Edward did not laugh at the silly response, however. He moved above her,holding himself up on his elbow, his serious face kissed away her tears, and then he moved his lips to her trembling mouth. Jane felt herself subside slightly as he pulled back, moving her hair away from her face.

"It's alright. I'm home" he said, reassuringly. "I missed you too. More than I could say"

He lay back down beside his wife and raised his arm in mute invitation. She gratefully cuddled into his secure frame as he kissed the top of her head protectively.

"And how is this little one?" he asked, his warm hand moving to Jane's stomach.

"They are well. Kicking and moving all the time. But I have not slept well since you've been gone, and I have felt nauseous as I have not felt in a very long time. This little one is putting up a fight with me"

Edward nodded, his hand massaging his wife's back naturally and without thought.

"It will not be long now, and I shall have my share of taking care of this little one" he said, pride flooding every ounce of his features. Jane looked at him seriously.

"I cannot wait for you to take your turn caring for our child. I fear I have been carrying the majority of the weight so far "

He chuckled softly as Jane asked how his trip to London was, but Edward shook his head, kissing her lovingly.

"We can talk tomorrow. Right now, you need to sleep"

"You too, by the looks of your eyes" Jane said, moving her thumb gently over the tops of his cheeks, "You look so tired"

He nodded, "What can I say? I sleep better knowing you are beside me"

Jane pressed her lips to his one last time before wrapping her arms around his neck intimately. She sighed contentedly, feeling the lips that rested against her collarbone stretch into a soft smile.

"I love you" Jane whispered after a long pause, not opening up her eyes to see his response. He did not open his eyes either at her words, but sighed happily.

"Good God Jane, I love you endlessly"


	81. Chapter 81

Jane woke up some time later to the most brilliant spring morning she had ever seen. In the middle of cold, damp, dull weather was this singular beautiful, sunny, warm day. She opened her eyes to find herself in the same position she had fallen asleep in, her arms around her husbands neck, her leg hung easily over his, and his face buried in her shoulder. She could scarce remember a time she woke feeling more content.

"Good morning" Edward said lowly, causing Jane to smile- she did not realise he was awake.

"Good morning" she replied, pulling back to readjust her position- but he stopped her from moving by holding her close.

"No, no. Don't move. You are so warm. You are the best blanket in the world"

Jane smiled to herself, but then groaned.

"What's wrong?"

"I cannot lie in bed with you all morning. And that is all I want, to be alone with you"

"Of course you can, you are mistress of this house, you can do what you like"

"Not anymore, not with you around. Everyone is very enthusiastic to meet you"

"Damn them"

She sent him a curious, disapproving look before continuing.

"Besides...people will get very strange ideas of what I am doing with the master of the house if I do not show up to breakfast"

"I think I like the sounds of what you would be doing to him, so I must object to you going to breakfast"

When Jane sat up though, he could see that there was a deeper concern. Sitting up beside her he took her hand in his and guided her face towards his.

"Jane, what is it?"

"I would object to telling you, but then I also know that I would lose. Nothing is the matter, exactly. But one man in the party, Mr Franklin, the Captain's brother, keeps questioning me, and putting me on the spot in front of the group. I think with you now here, such will stop"

Jane knew that he would not like this answer from her, and he did not. His face hardened immediately and his voice became very cold.

"You mean to tell me Mr Franklin has been tormenting you?"

"A little, yes. An odd time". She added in the "odd time" detail, for she did not want her husbands anger to get the best of him. But it had been far more than that. It had even been far more than tormenting. The way he watched her, the way he did not pull his gaze away, the way he always seemed to infiltrate any situation where he could be closer to her. She hid these details in the hope that with her husbands return, the behaviour would stop. After she would tell him the full extent, and he would be angry with her for hiding it, but she would take her husbands personal anger later over his wrath towards Franklin in front of the whole party.

But her silence only further angered him, so she continued once more.

"It has only been minor things-"

"Like?"

"Commenting on living in the country as a newly married couple and not in the city, having so many servants for two people, things of that nature. It has not bothered me, and it has not stayed with me, but it has been more irritating than anything else. His actions are merely immature, not harmful"

These words seemed to sedate him a little. Immature was a better adjective than cruel, or hurtful...or worse.

"Perhaps I should not have told you, Edward. Especially if it will affect your civility towards him now when you meet-"

"No Jane. I would never have you uncomfortable to tell me something for fear of my reaction. Though I must say, if you drew that conclusion you would have some grounds to base that off of"

Jane smiled slightly.

"I just will not have anyone in this house who makes you uncomfortable. I do not care if there is a wedding, I do not care if he has no where to go. I do not care how important he is. I will not allow for it, and will turn him out myself"

"Then please trust me", Jane entreated, taking his hands, "Trust that I will take action and tell you if it gets to a point where such is necessary"

He eyed her for a few moments before nodding slowly.

"Thank you" she said, kissing his cheek before rising.

"I think I deserve a better thank you than that" he debated, moving to the edge of the bed and pulling her back gently by the arm.

"For controlling your anger towards a person you have not even meet yet? A person who happens to be doing nothing particularly wrong, and is very important to our dear friends happiness? I do not think so"

"Can I just have a kiss then?"

Jane smiled and bent down to kiss him deeply. He wrapped his arm around her waist, holding his hand in the small of her back. Jane ran her fingers through his long curls, sitting and straddling him on the edge of the bed. He looked amused at Jane as she cuddled into his chest, gazing out of the bedroom windows.

"Will you come down to breakfast with me now?"

"Yes"

"Will you sit beside me so that I can talk to you most and others minimally?"

"Yes"

"If I find I am still hungry after I am finished eating my own breakfast, can you offer me your toast?"

A smile stretched across Edward's face.

"Yes"

"Thank you. This little one is hungry this morning, I believe"

"But I must ask for something in return" he continued. Jane looked at him, grinning slightly.

"What is that?"

"That after breakfast, we can be alone together"

"Since I would like that very much it is not a fair thing to ask for"

"It is in my books. Come then" he said, taking his wife's hands in his as he stood, "The sooner we go down to breakfast, the sooner we can be together".

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Some time later, after they were dressed and ready for the day, the descended the staircase together, Edward offering Jane his arm. As they rounded the corner into the foyer, Jane was laughing at a joke Edward had made and did not see Mr Franklin waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. He looked sullen in an unguarded moment for just an instant when he saw Mr Rochester before he recovered, wishing them good morning and proceeding into the dining room.

"Odd" commented Rochester, looking at his wife.

"Indeed, but perhaps not so much, once you speak with him."

The dining room was half full when Jane and Edward entered. Mary, Lord and Lady Franklin and Mr Franklin were all standing and talking, soon to be joined by Mr and Ms Eshton, Diana and the Captain. Everyone sat at the table together, and Mr Eshton was first introduced, then Mr Rochester. The two men were immediately taken to, as they generally were. Frankly, Jane was relieved. Although she had not minded the company at all, she was not a natural entertainer, and so her husbands more commanding and sociable presence made things much easier. Lord and Lady Franklin seemed thoroughly pleased with his financial and social situation, and this closeness to Diana seemed to somewhat soften their view of her. They found him to be an intelligent, capable, social man, and this was enough.

"I wonder" spoke Mr Franklin aloud, waiting for everyone's general attention before continuing, "How is it that you two can be quite the model married couple everyone speaks of? You are far too similar. Marriage must be based on opposites, or else one gets bored of their partner?"

"Is this indeed your philosophy on marriage?" Rochester asked, a little annoyed. It was quite rude to discussing someones marriage in front of them, let alone in front of a whole group of people. "I must say as a married man I must disagree. Jane is similar to me, yes, because we must have common interests we share and are passionate about in order to share a sincere affection. But we are not the same people. Surely what I take away in wickedness she makes up for in goodness. She is far superior to me".

"But Ms Rochester" he continued, disregarding Rochester's reply completely. "You must see my point as a young person. You have married relatively young, and so you have missed the phase of your life where you could have travelled and seen the world. A life demands excitement, a life demands action. Surely you must want those things for yourself"

"No, not particularly" was Jane's short answer. Edward grinned ever so slightly beside her. "You forget that before I meet my husband I had no prospects of ever being able to travel, so I did not wish for it as you tell me others of my age do. As a married woman now, I have no desire to travel unless it is with him, for there is no other companion I would prefer. Still, as you say, we are young. There will be more opportunity to travel in future"

"Quite right, Ms Rochester" Lord Franklin said in agreement, "A young woman ought to have the goal of marrying, and establishing a family. These two things you have done. Your duty is played out. It is a far more important duty than excitement"

Anne looked at Jane, rolling her eyes ever so slightly. Jane smiled.

"Is this your wish too, Ms Rivers?" Lady Franklin asked Diana. It was one of the only things she had directly asked her since arriving, and so Diana was surprised at the action.

"Yes, of course. I have always wanted to be a wife, and a mother. I would consider it my greatest undertaking".

The Captain smiled at her from across the table, "And what an excellent one she will make. I would be happy, brother, to take marriage advice from Mr or Ms Rochester anytime. They are exceptionally happy, which is far more than most can say. Surely there is much to be learned from them".

Mr Franklin nodded without saying anything and took another plate of breakfast and the table subsided into smaller groups of talking once more. Jane looked over at her husbands plate to see there was nothing left but toast, which was laid on the plate close to Jane. She grinned silently at him as she reached over to take it.

"Thank you" she mouthed to him,

He smiled at her over the rim of his teacup.

. . . . . . . . . .

After breakfast, the party did not have a plan for the group. Rather, all chose different occupations. Lord, Captain and Mr Franklin were going riding and shooting. Mr Eshton was catching up on some papers he intended to read, and the ladies were walking into town to look for some ribbon for the wedding. Lady Franklin had expressed no interest in any activity.

"Jane, will you not walk into town with us?" Mary asked, referring to Diana and Anne in the foyer putting on their hats. "It is such a pleasant morning, the walk is sure to be lovely".

"I am afraid ladies that I need to steal Jane away, just for a little while" Edward said, placing his hand in the small of her back. "If you can forgive me for being selfish, I would appreciate it greatly".

"But of course. You are just reunited after all" Anne said, placing her bonnet on her head. "We shall try to enjoy our trip, despite your absence"

"I hope that you do. Also, if you happened to walk by the bakery, would you be able to get me some extra bread? I fear our chef here is quite annoyed with me for how much I have been eating, and is too busy to make more on top of cooking for a household of guests"

The girls chuckled and Edward shook his head, amused.

"Ladies, you can tell the baker to put it on my account, if indeed you walk that way"

"We will be back shortly" they said, and were soon gone.

"Jane, shall we go?" Edward asked

. . .

Jane and Edward set off into the garden into the perfect day. The sun basked the earth in the perfect warmth, and the breeze that blew through the tree's was pleasant and refreshing. There were no sounds, no birds signing, so talking, only the sound of the leaves being ruffled in the wind. Jane was enjoying the day so immensely that she did not see her husband watching her, smiling.

"You look so beautiful today" he said finally, a proud sort of smile playing on his face.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you are happy, and when you are happy you are always the most beautiful"

Jane gripped his arm and walked closer to him,

He pulled her in to kiss her temple before they reached the very edge of the property. They were very far away from the house now, so much so that it was barely in sight. They had slowly climbed a hill so that they looked across at fields of untouched land before them, while their house lay behind them. Here, they could sit under the shade of a beautiful, old tree and be completely alone together.

"Here, sit. I know that was quite the hill" Rochester said, laying the blanket on the ground under the tree and helping Jane lower herself to the ground.

"I thought as your wife I am supposed to be the one who cares for you"

He chuckled slightly as he grabbed the basket and sat down beside her.

"You talk as if you do not take care of me. Such would be a ridiculous claim"

He leaned back, his legs extended fully. Jane lay her head on his lap so that she was facing him, curling herself up slightly and closing her eyes. She smiled at the thought of her not needing to ask if she could, not wondering if it was an inconvenience to him, and not hesitating to do so. It was such a gift to know that the person you love wants only your comfort. He traced his finger along her arm as she spoke.

"Thank you for letting me lay like this"

He chuckled softly, "Jane, you need not thank me for such a small, unimposing act, besides, usually it is the reverse situation, after all"

"No" Jane interrupted, "It is not only letting me lay like this. It is everything you have done for me. This pregnancy has not been easy, but you have never made me feel like a burden-"

"A burden? Jane, love, how could that thought even come to your mind?"

Jane felt her cheeks burn with slight shame and embarrassment.

"Because Edward, I know it has not been the easy pregnancy and at times I have made your life miserable -"

"Miserable" Edward repeated, amused. "I do not care. I never asked for an easy life, I asked for you to be my life. I want you at whatever the cost. Besides, I like temperamental Jane. Her fits of unsolicited anger and unjustified grudges means that I receive many 'I am sorry' lovemaking secession's", he teased.

Jane sat up, or tried to sit up, but struggled. Edward, grinning, put his hand on her back to help push her up so that she could turn on him and look at him indignantly.

"You are taking advantage of my emotions in order to get apologetic lovemaking?"

He looked slightly stunned at her accusation

"- that is not even what it is! I am _not_ making love to you because I am trying to apologise for my high emotions. I am, or _was_ , doing it because I love you, and am attracted to you, and want to be with you almost every moment of the day. Then you tell me that you like my emotional torment because it means I am vulnerable and look to you for comfort? How could you?"

Edward grinned ever so slightly at her as she worked herself up more and more.

"You laugh at me" she threw at him, trying to move away from him swiftly but struggling to raise herself from the ground.

"No, I do not laugh at you. Jane, come back. It is not like you could get very far before I would catch up"

"I do not want to sit here with you anymore"

"Jane darling- ouch! Come now, I am not laughing at you. I'm sorry. Please sit"

She sat once more, looking at him expectantly.

"I smile at you because I cannot help it. I smile because you make me incredibly happy. I smile because you are still all sweetness when you are angry. I know you are not actually frustrated with my joking tone, you are just frustrated in general. But now, regardless, you must forgive me an unkind, and unfair comment-"

"No don't" Jane interrupted, waving her hand dismissively. "Please don't. My reaction was silly, you were merely being lighthearted, and were I less emotional I would have laughed. Please do not apologise. Besides-"

He raised his eyebrow at her,

"You are not _entirely_ wrong"

He chuckled softly, shaking his head and biting his lip.

"I see. Well, if it is true that you make love to me when you are in need of comfort, and I do indeed know that this is true, I am more fulfilled than I could possibly convey. I could never mock such a thing"

Edward lay down beside Jane, his outstretched arm acting as a pillow to her. Jane curled herself into him, her face resting in his chest. She was so tired recently that even the smallest task made her feel like she needed much time to recuperate. Her husband watched her adoringly, rubbing her side with the kind of affection and reassurance that was only between two people very much in love. He knew she was tired, and secretly he hoped she would fall asleep, the afternoon air mixed with the feel of her in his arms was enough to make him the happiest man on earth. He watched as the sun which poked through the leaves overhead played across her face and illuminated the different tones in her rich brown hair. As he thought, he felt her hand move across his chest to rest in his curls. He smiled. Below them, some ways away, there was a small pond which glistened and sparkled under the sun. Edward watched it with interest, his mind fully preoccupied with gratitude and happiness. Two birds flew overhead, their bright feathers remarkably visible in the light against the pale blue sky.

""Tell me about London" Jane entreated

"Would you rather not hear something more interesting?"

"No, I would like to hear about how it went- unless of course you are hiding something very dark and secretive from me"

Edward shook his head.

"You know very well there is nothing I need hide from you"

"Exactly, so go on. How was it?"

Edward explained the whole situation to Jane, how Mr Tibbs and Mr Olsen had become involved in the estate and how they planned to make it a ruin with minimal effort on their own part. Jane listened with interest, turning over the story in her mind as he spoke.

"So how did it come to be resolved?"

"Well, I guessed that since it was merely the estate the men were interested in, if they thought the manor had failed and gone under already, which given Eshton's new position as master of the house is not completely impossible, they would abandon the whole project for something that could be of value to them. While Eshton had lunch with them, explaining the fake situation of ruin, I sat in the corner of the hotel dining room, safely out of sight but not out of hearing. Immediately their interest was retracted and all danger seems to have been averted"

"But the house must be financially precarious right now? With two investors, no matter how corrupt, gone?"

"Eshton will be alright. It is only he and Anne, after all. They have time to build up more financial security. He is very lucky, had we not known, had we not caught their involvement in time, he would have most likely found himself without home or estate"

Jane looked at her husband thoughtfully,

"But of course you knew this of Mr Tibbs character. This is the business you spoke of that Mr Tibbs conducted in Jamaica"

"Indeed, he did the same thing to many plantations there"

"But why?"

Edward shrugged,

"Money is all that matters to some, and to the unjustifiably rich, well- they must have some game to play in their lives to occupy themselves".

"A game that affects peoples lives" said Jane, angrily. "Not only those wealthy people who reside within the house, but also the servants and staff of the house. Such behaviour is incredibly irresponsible".

"I agree completely with you. Someday he will be brought to justice- just not today"

The wind blew hard suddenly, and its rush moved through the trees so that nature's orchestra played one long, singular chord.

"And what else did you do while you were away? Surely you did not spend all your time locked up in hotel rooms"

Edward raised his eyebrow at her,

"You speak very unguarded for a newly married woman who's husband has been away for days in the city filled with exciting occupations and women of loose morals. Do you really wish to pose the question?"

"If I thought for a second the answer would have any truth rooted in exciting occupations or women of loose morals I fear I would be far too afraid to ask you"

Jane turned on her side to look him fully in the face- he grinned at the sight of her playfully rising up to address him.

"But seeing as you belong to me alone, Edward Rochester, I do not mind posing the question"

He smiled a wry smile at her before continuing.

"In truth I did not do much outside of working on Eshton's financial accounts. I had no desire to spend any time in the city without you. When we were not working, I went on walks to parks nearby and thought of how excited I was to return to you and our child. I lay in bed at night thinking the same".

He touched Jane's face affectionately as he posed the same question to her, asking what she did while he was away. Jane answered truthfully in saying that she and Anne spent most of the day together in each others company while the nights were spent in solitude. It had been Jane's request, and although it was not fully true, she told her friend the reason was that being pregnant caused her to need some alone time before bed to relax so that she could sleep. Edward smiled at this small bit of deception, encouraging her in her wickedness but also satisfying her in assuring her that it probably did not hurt to spend some time alone. She then relayed how the atmosphere changed when Diana and Mary arrived, for all energy became focused on the wedding and establishing comfort for the wedding guests that were coming to stay that all had different requirements. Jane confided that she found this more difficult than she thought it would be, and she often found herself bored by the guarded and surface level conversation of newly acquainted company.

Edward listened intently, listening between the words for Jane's feelings that went unspoken. When she finished, he surveyed her with pure honesty that seemed to pierce her mind and heart.

"But that is not all" he posed knowingly, "I know the Franklin's have been difficult, and hosting them in our home must have been stressful seeing as you have never formally done it before as a married woman. I'm sorry that I was not there as a help for you-"

"You would have been" Jane resolved, "That is enough"

"And yet" Edward said as Jane lay back down beside him "That is not it either. There is something else on your mind"

"Nothing worth mentioning, just general feelings of unease, is all"

"You do not have general feelings of unease" Edward protested, "Tell me what they are"

She stirred slightly before speaking, struggling to gather her complex feelings into coherent thoughts.

"Edward, I just feel so overwhelmed. In individual moments, all is well and I can focus on just getting one thing done at a time, but as soon as I step back and look at more than one thing, I feel like nothing is within my control and it frightens me"

"Which things? Let me put your mind at ease"

"Normal things. Perfectly normal things that every woman experiences. Hosting a wedding party, having this baby in a few weeks, becoming a mother, staying an attentive wife in spite of all these insecurities. But it is not only that. These days I feel overwhelmed by practically everything. And then I feel ashamed, for what I am experiencing is what all married women experience, and small tasks should not make me so unsettled".

"Jane, you are being unfair to yourself. You are extremely capable of anything you set your mind to, but you forget that all this is still new to you. It is new to me as well. Our life is changing drastically at this time, and frankly it is something we have no way of preparing for- such is frightening. I do not know the particulars of how we will be as parents, but ours will be the most loved out of any child in the world, and should that not be enough?"

"But Edward, how can you know that, or I know that? Raising a child is forming a whole person. Every choice you make, every word you speak makes an impact on their life. What if we were to make a mess of it all?"

"Then we make a mess" Edward replied, simply, "However, I think it is far more likely that we will just make mistakes. And mistakes can be fixed. We must allow some room for learning, after all. Was it not you who taught that to me?"

Jane ignored his response, her mind still filled with too many worries to internalise his words and gain the comfort that was to be found in them.

"And then I think what if there were no 'we'. I know the thought is unlikely, and thus unhelpful, but when you were gone away I thought of what would become of our family if something happened, and you suddenly vanished from my life and I was left to raise our child alone-"

"Jane stop" Edward said, kindly but firmly. "I will not let your fears turn to creating unrealistic possible situations that will haunt your mind. I am not going anywhere. I promised to you on our wedding day that I would be by your side through the whole of our lives, and that is where I intend to stay"

Jane sat up, breathing deeply. Soon Edward was sitting before her, one leg pulled up to his chest with his arm laid on it easily, the other leg stretched out. The arm resting on his knee reached out for Jane's hand, which she gave and he kissed gently.

"Now. We can do something about feeling overwhelmed. You need not do anything my love that puts you in a place where you feel distressed. You have servants, and friends, and above all a husband to do things for you in the final stages of your pregnancy. I shall take you from the house more, just you and I, for fresh air seems to be a cure for most things. You can rise in the morning when you wish, and sleep when you wish. I shall even ask the cook to leave some extra food in the kitchen for you in the nights so that you can sneak down and eat when you are hungry. There is no reason for you to be considerate of our guests schedule when you are so near giving birth. This is your home, you shall do what you wish within it"

Jane broke from looking into his eyes to stare out over the hills surrounding them. The day had clouded over now suddenly, and the heat in the air was now gone and replaced with a fresh, crisp breeze. Jane felt a cooling wind over her face that made her heart feel a little lighter.

"Edward, all of this is so silly, for what is wrong? Nothing"

"Nothing has to be wrong, Jane. What you feel is enough"

Jane surveyed him curiously.

"But surely you only say such because I am your wife"

"Well, of course" Jane felt her heart sink, embarrassment rising to her cheeks. "I would not care enough about anyone else to say such to them. You are the most important thing in the world to me, thus your feelings are the most important thing in the world to me".

A moment passed in which Jane played with his fingers absentmindedly. She rarely thought of such actions anymore as she did them, but this time she did, and the intimacy of the gesture made her smile.

"There is your beautiful smile" Edward said, cheerfully, "You must tell me what caused it"

"Nothing" she said, smiling at him and shaking her head, "Nothing I could possibly put into words"

Edward drew her closer by placing his hand on the back of her neck and kissing her deeply. Jane pulled gently by the collar of his shirt to draw him nearer to her. His other hand found the small of her back and lifted her up so that she straddled him. Jane placed her arms around his neck before he broke the kiss, looking at her.

"Darling?"

"Mmm?"

"Let me make love to you"

"What? Here?"

Edward chuckled in his masculine way before moving in closely to her face, biting his lip, and grinning at her.

"Yes, right here under this very tree"

"What if we are seen?" Jane asked, referencing the house that was admittedly so far away that it was near impossible to see.

"If we can be seen from the house, I would like to invest in whatever machinery has been developed to achieve such"

Jane looked long at her husband before laying down again, arms over her head, smiling up happily at him. He did not need any other signal to continue.

He moved over her swiftly, drawing her lips to his once again and pressing her gently into the soft blanket beneath her. Jane's breath hitched in her throat as she felt his finger tracing up her leg. Gasping slightly, and becoming embarrassingly overwhelmed by her husband far too quickly, Jane could no longer focus on kissing. She threw her head back, tossing it to the side as she felt her husbands hand graze her most intimate area. She drew in a sharp breath, closing her eyes and moaning softly. Edward watched her intently, enjoying the sight of her writhing and moaning beneath him. Pressing his thumb skilfully into her most pleasuring spot, Jane arched her back helplessly. Jane felt Edward bury his face in her neck and kiss her with such love and passion that she thought her head may explode. She felt so silly, it took nothing for her heart to race at an unbearable pace and her breathing to become so laboured- she had just missed his touch so much, and his smell and his look and his sounds.

Jane, her head foggy and dazed, pulled her husbands face back from working on her collarbone and shook her head at him.

"Please" she pleaded.

He nodded at her, kissing each breast through the thin fabric of her dress, "Promise me you will say if you feel any discomfort"

Lovemaking had become more complicated in the last few weeks of her pregnancy. She often found herself uncomfortable, unable to find a position which was not a physical strain on her body. It had given them a new sense of closeness to work through this new situation together.

She nodded in response and drew him closer in order to kiss him. With little effort, but great force, he moved inside Jane and both exclaimed happily at the feeling that washed over them that spread like wildfire through every nerve in their bodies. Edward's deep groan made Jane's heart burst with love. She felt a strain in her back as Edward rocked in and out of her. She clutched his arm tightly, the sensation caused him to pause and look at her.

"My back" Jane said, a little breathlessly. Edward nodded, placing his arm under her for support. She immediately felt the pressure lift as she lay back down on his arm.

"Better?" he asked, looking for the permission to continue.

"Mhm".

With this new adjusted position, Edward could quicken his pace. The lovemaking was desperate, and rough, the type of lovemaking that happened after a couple was separated for too long. And yet, it was extremely loving. Jane looked into her husbands face for as long as she could, until the pressure in her stomach expanded to her chest and head. Her eyes were forced shut, she could no longer feel what her hands grasped of her husband before her. She could only feel him in her, completing her, filling her with indescribable happiness. As Jane climaxed she cried out unexpectedly, clawing at her husbands back as she shuddered beneath him. He kissed her jaw before crying out himself- his voice echoing in the surrounding woods.

Dropping to her side, both lay next to each other, breathing and panting heavily, smiling at the feeling which pulsated through their bodies. At that moment, thunder cracked overhead and rain poured down on the beautiful surroundings. From under the shade of the large tree canopy overhead, no rain fell upon the Rochester's. Instead, they watched it pour outside of the trees protection. The sound of rain, and the smell of it filled Jane;s senses as she turned to her husband, who smiled knowingly at her.

"Looks as if we are trapped" Jane said, breathlessly

Edward pulled her near and pulled her lips to his, kissing her deeply. She felt lightheaded, intoxicated by the depth of his affection.

"I can think of what we can do to pass the time" he said, his eyebrow raised. Jane quickly placed her arms around his neck, sitting astride him.

"More like what I can do to _you_ in order to pass the time".


	82. Chapter 82

Despite the enjoyment of the afternoon, the hours of talking, casual lovemaking and eating the food Edward had brought along, the rain did not let up. In fact, it continued to pour and eventually the small place of safety under the thick tree cover where Jane and Edward had not gotten wet began to be infiltrated with rain.

"Jane, I am going to go back to the house and get a horse and then come back to get you"

"No, you cannot. All that riding in the rain will surely make you sick with cold"

"Perhaps, but it is better for me to get a cold then you, in your condition"

"No, I shall be fine, we can just hurry"

He looked sceptically at her, and Jane knew he thought of the rather long time it had taken them to walk to this place from the house. Surely in the rain she would need to be careful of slipping too. The idea of rushing suddenly seemed a silly one to her.

"Send Mr Eshton back for me. He will not mind, and then you will not be so wet"

"No, he would not mind. But riding in the rain is dangerous, and I trust myself over him"

"He is an equal rider to you. You said so yourself-"

"Woman, stop arguing with me" Edward said, his voice becoming raised. "Stay here and stay dry. Here"

He took his jacket off, ignoring Jane's violent protests, and wrapped it around her. Jane took the blanket off the ground and tried handing it to him, but smiling, he took the blanket and wrapped it around his wife's shoulders.

"Stay warm and dry, I will return for you in a few minutes"

He kissed Jane's lips before, without another word, he departed into the rain which drenched him instantly.

"IF YOU GET SICK, I AM NOT SITTING TO COMFORT YOU AT YOUR BEDSIDE" Jane called after him. She knew he would be grinning to himself as he ran away, but she did not find the situation funny.

She stood under the tree, her back to its trunk, stewing with anger. Soon he was out of sight, and Jane was forced to wait for his return.

The atmosphere of rain outside made put Jane in a quiet, reflective mood. She slipped into such quiet contentedness that the long time that passed while she stood there alone seemed to pass in the blink of an eye.

Jane was rarely alone these days. Being pregnant, there were always such a multitude of people around her who were concerned about her well being. At times, it was almost suffocating. She had always thought of herself as very independent ,and so she knew that if she needed help she would simply ask for it. The excessive amount of concern shown to her by others seemed to soothe their anxieties of her wellness rather then secure her own comfort. Edward had been sweetly overbearing in the beginning of her pregnancy- always concerned about the smallest activities such as walking and eating tiring her out. But as time had gone on, he had relaxed into the most wonderful, considerate partner. He helped her when she asked, and pried confessions from her when she tried to hide things, but he did not assume any of her feelings, and he allowed her her own space while never leaving her to feel abandoned. She often wondered where this instinct came from, but answered her own question in knowing how much of a selfless listener he truly was.

Still, she was immensely grateful for the support she received from everyone. Knowing what it was like to live and move through the world alone, Jane could not under-appreciate what it was to have people who loved her and encouraged her. To not feel such would be a betrayal to all she felt in her past.

Jane felt movement in her stomach, a slight kick. The action made her face stretch into the widest smile of which she was capable. In bed at night she was often woken by such an action, and her husband would place his hand on her so that he too could feel their child making its presence known to them.

"Hello my love" she said, softly. "I cannot wait to meet you. Mommy is so excited to bring you into the world. You will be so loved. I feel as if I know you already".

Jane thought often whether her baby could hear her, and though it certainly would not understand what she was saying, could it recognise her voice? Could it recognise its fathers voice? Did it feel the immense love that was ready to greet it?

Jane's thoughts were interrupted by an approaching horse. She straightened up, collecting her things and picking up the picnic basket as she did so. But as the rider came closer to her she realised that it was not her husband on the horse, it was Mr Franklin. His long black travelling cloak billowed behind him as he rode, and his dark hat, which sat on his head on a slant, covered the majority of his face. Jane stopped her advance towards him, feeling a twinge of annoyance in the pit of her stomach. He had a determined, pressing look on his face.

"Good afternoon, and what a beautiful one it is" he said sarcastically, gracefully dismounting the horse and joining Jane under the large tree.

When Jane did not reply to his comment he looked at her, and then out at the rain.

"I see you have found a sanctuary here that shelters for the rain. I am glad I have found it too"

"I am sorry to see your hunting trip has been postponed"

"I do not care, hunting becomes boring very quickly for me. Once you know you can shoot, the game is up"

There was a pause after that comment in which Jane considered all possible routes for leaving, all which involved running out from the trees protection into the rain. For Mr Franklin to have ended up on the side of the property it would have meant a very long and out of the way ride, for the hunting and shooting land was on the other side of the house. Jane thought this rather odd, given the weather.

"You best return to the house" Jane suggested, "The sooner you take off those wet things, the less likely you will catch a cold".

"Nonesense!" he objected, "I am always well, I never ail".

"I am glad to hear it"

"I do love getting out of my clothes though , wet or not" he said, and looked at Jane with an uncomfortably dark look in his eyes, "Nothing better then it".

His last comment was strangely casual, despite the heavy handed implications of his former words.

"I'm not sure why you think I would be in need of such a detail of your personal life, Mr Franklin, but I can assure you that I am not. Indeed, I believe those are the sorts of comments one keeps to themselves, for surely they can be of no interest to any other person and it only makes the speaker seem as if they have nothing more interesting to say".

Jane saw Mr Franklin's jaw clench slightly, it was a short, almost unrecognisable aggressive gesture before his face once again settled into its normal faux-passivity. She felt his mood shift.

"I would not call it a personal detail, Ms Rochester. All men feel such, it is no secret. All men _need_ such. As a married woman you must be aware of such. Or otherwise, you do not satisfy your husband as it is your job to do, and he is off with the rest of us, undressing in other women's beds".

Jane could not help the slight smile that stretched over her face, and the man next to her did not like it. He waited too eagerly for her answer, and when she spoke the response was not near enough angry for his taste.

"I think perhaps it is naive for you to believe you can speak for all men- especially on a personal issue. If all men were what you claim them to be I am afraid the respect held for them would plummet dramatically. I have no doubt of my husbands faithfulness."

His frustration continued to rise. He did not like the fact that he could not gain an angry answer from her. The more drastic and frantic he became, the more soft and detached Jane was. When she turned from his face she could see that he did not avert his gaze from her. His hungry, plotting gaze.

"What of respect when there is brute force?" he asked, grabbing Jane's wrist and twisting it painfully. Jane pushed his chest, attempting to move him away, but the contact only allowed him to grab her other wrist and hold her fast.

"Let go of me or I swear-"

"What? What is it possible for you to do? Scream? You won't be heard"

And suddenly his hand was on her breast, and his other sought to pull up her skirt.

Jane leaned back and punched him as hard as she could in the stomach, causing his to double over, retching and coughing. She ran out into the pouring rain, knowing that such would do her no good. She could not outrun him not even if he was incapacitated for a few minutes. She could not move quickly in the rain, and she could not risk injuring her baby by falling. Soon there was a hand that clawed her shoulder, pulling her back with incredible force. Jane screamed as she was shoved up against the old tree, her head hitting its trunk with quite a force. Dizzy,her head pounding and her eyes swimming, she could not fight being pushed onto the ground. She saw his grotesque face over her and then her dress' panel from chest to waist was ripped, exposing her breasts. Horrified, she attempted to cover herself, but she was more interested in fighting off the animal that attacked her. If what was coming was inevitable, she would at least fight to her last nerve, and inflict as much damage as possible. His hand grabbed the bottom of her face, pulling her inches from his own gnarled mouth. Jane, in wild desperation felt around for some weapon and located it at the end of her fingers. Taking a large branch that had gone unnoticed before, she swung it around and hit him in the back of his head. This diversion allowed her to pull herself out from underneath him and push herself away.

"You will pay for that" he barked, his violent promise as true in his eyes as in the words which were hurled from his mouth.

And then, out of no where, Mr Rochester had come. He had dismounted his horse and descended upon Jane's attacker so fast that she barely had time to register him before he was on top of Franklin, fighting him with such ferocity that Jane knew instantly who the winner would be. Franklin in seconds was reduced to a pleading mess, his face stained with blood, his eyes flitting between Jane and Rochester. She had never seen her husband in a physical fight before, but there was no doubt that he was faster and stronger then his opponent who was immediately overtaken. Jane was aware for the first time of her heavy breathing, of her soaked clothes and desperately fast beating heart. Her head still pounded, and she could feel how unsteady her hands were.

When she looked over at the entangled men again she could see Franklin was baring his teeth at Rochester and still attempting to win an already lost fight. And then there were more people, two more men on horses had arrived and were quickly engaged in the fight too.

"Rochester, stop" Eshton called, pulling his friend off of the attacker.

Captain Franklin stood over the pair in astonishment. Eshton and Rochester pinned Franklin down so that he could have his hands tied behind his back with rope Eshton had brought. The Captain bent down to tie the knot, looking at his brother with disgust and resentment. When Rochester saw that he was in no danger of escaping he turned on his wife. Immediately all anger vanished from his face. Her torn dress, her ripped hair, the sight of her clutching her throbbing head was all too much. He moved to her, his soft and gentle hand cupping her face.

"Jane, I- I do not have the words- I am so angry right now I could-" his voice shook with emotion. "I will finish him".

But Jane found she had no emotion left with which to respond. She could not even bare to look him in the eye. She gripped his arm wordlessly, fighting back tears that threatened to overtake her eyes. He watched her, a look of mingled uncertainty and sadness in his eyes. Taking Jane's hand, he walked to his horse and from a pouch pulled several dry blankets and a cloak to wrap around her. Such things were pointless now as she was soaked to the skin, but still the feeling of him pulling such blankets around her was the smallest comfort.

"I need to get Jane back, she needs to be somewhere warm and dry, if she has not already caught cold".

"We shall take care of this Rochester" Eshton said, referring to the now still man who was bound into stillness.

"I will take care of it" Captain Franklin said, shame and disgust ringing in his tone. "He is my problem, after all".

The look on Rochester's face had turned fierce again, but his touch was incredibly gentle. He helped Jane onto the horse, covered completely in warm blankets so she did not feel the rains effects. He then mounted behind, placing his arms around her and quickly setting off towards the house without another look.

Jane did not remember if they spoke on the way back to the house, but she thought not. She did not remember the exact words of shock and surprised that were uttered when she returned to the house, but she did remember the faces of Diana, Mary and Anne, all of who looked solemn and nervous. Edward waved away the attention of the servants, assuring them that he would see to Jane, and they were not to be disturbed until he said.

. . . . . . . . . .

In the safety of their room, when Edward had left her for an instant to find some dry clothes, Jane allowed her welling eyes to finally spill over with tears. She had been violated, attacked. It had happened so suddenly, and with such force. She had tried and failed to protect herself. Help had come to her, and she was forced to face the reality that if help had not come the outcome would have been far worse. Her baby would be fine, and she did not yet feel feverish from being out in the rain, and yet she felt sick to her stomach and was more aware than ever of the pounding in her head.

Edward had returned to her, and seemed to see her up fully for the first time. The hand that touched her face was feather light and warm. He traced her forehead, down her cheek, and ran his thumb over her bleeding lip. He did not seem to want to dry her tears, and she did not care if it pained him to see them or not. His hand found her tangled hair which had been pulled in frenzy. He then saw the front of her dress, and she dropped the arm which held the middle, torn part in place. Jane saw his eyes scan her, and she quickly turned away.

"Jane, did he-"

"No"

Edward ran his hands through his hair in distress,

"But he would have, that bastard would have. I swear to God when I see him again he will wish he had never been born"

Silent tears issued from Jane at his words. In seeing her he dropped his aggression and moved towards her again, taking her hands and kissing them gently.

"I am so sorry"

Jane shook her head, her eyes pleading with him to understand, to leave her for a little while. To let her be.

"I will be fine in a little while, I just need some time to think"

He looked at her, and with his usual mind-reading skills he closed his eyes, shaking her hands lightly.

"Let me stay, please. Let me stay with you. Let me help"

"Edward you can't"

Jane startled herself with the own frailty of her voice. It was hardly recognisable. She wanted to tell him what she was feeling, or rather she wanted to know what she was feeling. She wanted him to stay, to hold her, to make her feel alright again as he had done so many times before. But she also did not want to look at him, did not want to answer to anyone, did not want to be looked at herself. She wanted to dissolve.

"Yes I can" said her husbands soft, low voice. This voice he used in this moment was reserved for special moments- the most intimate moments that passed between them. And for the first time she looked him in the face, the privacy of his voice convincing her to do so.

Jane turned her back to him, undoing what was left of the bun and pulling her hair to the side.

"Could you please help me with my dress?"

As the dress was loosened and fell to the floor Edward touched her shoulders.

"Here is a towel"

She stepped out of her slip so she could fully dry her body. Again, Edward watched. Not with anger this time, but with an odder expression. Love? Guilt? Failure? All of those feelings?

As she dried her chest she saw that there were scratch marks above one of her breasts, no doubt made when her dress was torn. She quickly moved past drying this area and took the nightdress at the end of her husbands outstretched hand. After she was dressed, Jane moved into her bed. It was not late, and she could not justify going to sleep, but she did not want to look at anyone right now, she was not hungry, and she did not want to talk. She only wanted to lay down. Edward walked over to her after having picked up her wet clothes and brought them into the washroom. He moved the blankets up around her and smoothed her hair.

He was gone for a few minutes, surely changing out of his own wet clothes. When he returned, he brought a chair up beside the bed to sit on. Jane knew he did this as not to crowd her, and to give her her own space. But when he went to sit she stopped him, and he looked at her, searchingly.

"Lay with me" she said, "I do not want you to catch cold either"

"That is alright, I shall be perfectly well here"

"No, it is what I want"

He abandoned his chair and climbed instantly into bed with his wife. She turned to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him in a tight hug. She would have been contented to stay there for hours.


	83. Chapter 83

Hello everyone!

I am so sorry for the scanty posting lately. I came down with the worst flu and was put out for a while. Hopefully, this chapter is a gift I am giving to you for your forgiveness. I wanted to show a scene with just Jane and Rochester alone, I just love them so much, I hope you do too!

Thank you so much for all your comments. They mean the world to me, and I just **love** getting them. You are all amazing, hope you are well xoxoxo

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Jane's eyes flashed opened suddenly, and she felt how rapidly her heart was beating. She gasped as she woke, shuddering slightly. Edward moved beside her, and she only now became aware that she had been using his arm as a pillow. She found one arm across his chest, resting in his hair and the other pressed against his chest. She had remember laying here like this, but she only meant to do so for a moment. She did not mean to fall asleep.

"I'm here" was the soft promise whispered beside her.

Jane nodded, looking into her husbands dark, expressive eyes. He looked a little drained, but more so than that he looked attentive and comforting.

"How long was I asleep?"

"I have not really noticed, not long"

Jane's tears had long since dried, but the lead weight pressing on her chest had not lifted, and she knew it would not until she spoke, until she entrusted all her feelings to her husband.

"Tell me what you are thinking. Or even one thing you think of. Your silence is like a dagger to my heart"

"I do not mean to torture you with my silence. I will answer whatever you ask me. I am thinking of how your smell is familiar to me in this moment".

Edward's hand massaged Jane's back slowly. She welcomed his touches, for she knew that he did not expect anything from her, he only wanted to soothe and to comfort.

"How are you feeling?"

"My head still throbs, and I feel a little weak. Otherwise, I am well"

He looked knowingly at her, taking her hand.

"I know your body will mend, my darling, but I could not bare to see your heart chipped, or broken. It would surely break mine"

Jane turned on her back, looking up at the ceiling. She felt the rising of tears prickle her eyes.

"Edward I am so angry at him. Not only because of what happened to me, for in truth it could have been much worse, and the outcome could have been far more severe. I am angry that he _thought_ he could take me, that he believed it to be his _right_ \- that he felt it was normal, perhaps, to do as much to me. I do not know how to make sense of such a thought"

"That is because one cannot make sense of a falsehood, and one cannot forgive a lie that they are told to believe. Franklin is a monster, Jane. And you did not deserve to be the victim of his brutality"

His voice shook slightly as he spoke. It made Jane's stomach turn.

"I did not deserve it, and nor did any other woman who I am sure has suffered at his hand. Edward, how many of those women did not have a husband to tell who would listen to them? How many women are married to someone like Franklin, and suffer at their own husbands hand? I cannot even fathom it. I have been naive, spoiled by your goodness- it has made me blind to the true reality of most woman. I feel ashamed I did not know it sooner, and ashamed still that I feel this way when I have not suffered the full extent of what some women do"

"Jane you do not need to suffer too in order to be compassionate. I have been unfortunately privy to men's thinking of what a woman is deserving of. Some men believe that because their wife is their property they can treat her like their other property, like a horse, or the land they own or the money stored in a safe at a bank. Most do not marry for love. It makes it much easier to resent someone you do not love".

"You didn't"

Edward looked at his wife. In moments such as this he was reminded how lucky he was that they were able to talk of his past with little resentment. She had always been more understanding than he would have expected her to be. All of their marriage was stood on the foundation of openness, and honesty in all things. To ignore such an event that impacted both their lives would have been strange, and unnatural.

"No" he continued after an overlong pause, "No, I did not want to be filled with hate"

Jane was suddenly overcome and became very busy with trying to combat the tears which threatened to spill from her eyes. Edward, who lay on his back looking up at the ceiling turned to her, looking guilty.

"Jane, forgive me" her asked, softly, his voice filled with pain. "You wanted to come. You wanted to come with me, and I made you stay. If you had come with me, none of this would have happened. I am so sorry".

"No" Jane corrected him, shaking her head. "Please, do not tell me that. We both know you were only being thoughtful, and excessively kind. I would have listened to you eventually. It was the right thing to do for our child".

"But it isn't good enough" he said, emotion causing his voice to be unsteady. "Jane it isn't good enough. I am your husband, I am not supposed to allow these things to happen to you. I am meant to be there with you, always-"

He did not finish the thought, and he did not need to. Jane could see the guilt he felt etched on his face. She hated that look; She spoke in order to smooth out its harsh lines.

"Edward, you made it back to me in time. What happened was minimal because you were there for me. You did not allow anything to happen to me, for you made it stop. I tried, but I never could have held him off on my own. I cannot be easy if I know you are not, so I must ask you to not take on any fault that is not yours to bare. I need you now, I need you as my husband. Please"

"What is it I can do?" he asked, pressing his lips to her forehead slowly.

"Lie very still"

Her husband looked very confused as she climbed on top of him, straddling him with her legs.

"What are you doing?"

"I do not want any time to pass between making love to you, and having him- well, attempt such with me. I do not want such a thing to be spoiled in my mind, or leave me feeling dirty as I do right now. I want to feel like your wife, which I do most when I am intimate with you".

Edward looked up at her, his face radiating pure love.

"Jane Rochester, you cannot be real"

Jane pulled his shirt off over his head with his help, revealing his toned stomach and strong arms beneath. She touched him, and he felt so familiar. She knew him as she knew herself. Here she was safe, here she was protected. This is where she was herself.

"You are my home" Jane told him as he watched her curiously. "Being here with you like this is home".

Jane could see him struggling to not reach up and pull her near to kiss her, but she had asked him to lie still and she knew he was committed to keeping his word. She grasped his wrists as she leaned in to kiss him, instantly feeling him deepen the kiss, moving his hands to the small of her back so that her large stomach pressed into him gently. Jane smiled, and the sensation felt odd on her face- she had not smiled for so long.

She moved her kisses to his neck and jaw. She was particularly skilled at knowing where to suck and where to brush with her lips so that he groaned and moved restlessly beneath her. To see such made her feel powerful, and full. Womanly.

His short breaths that ended in grunts made Jane smile. He looked up at her, a smile falling over his face before it was quickly replaced with shock as her hand moved to a more private place.

"Jane!" he said in surprise, inhaling sharply.

"What?"

"Nothing" he smiled, weakly. "Not a thing"

"Good" said Jane, "I was not about to stop for you"

A small chuckle.

Jane bent down to once again feel his lips on hers. How much she wanted him. How much her very heart cried out for him, for his closeness.

As Jane mounted him to enter him he grabbed her hips, helping to guide her in.

He was ecstasy.

Jane established a slow pace at first, it was deep and gentle, and made her head feel light with anticipation. But when she tried to move faster and thrust deeper, she found herself too tired. Embarrassment spread through her like ice. This had never happened before, and not to this extent. Her breathing was strained, and she was sure that she looked red and overworked. But her husband had not seemed to noticed, he kept his eyes closed, his grunts continued, all seemed well with him.

"Edward, darling"

His eyes opened upon her, and he surveyed her face with worry.

"What is wrong?"

"I am too tired, I cannot finish"

To her surprise he smiled, chuckling slightly. He turned her over gently, his arm falling under her back in the usual pregnancy position that made her feel the most comfortable.

"Good. I was waiting for my turn"

He kissed her deeply, his tongue skilfully paring her mouth. But he could tell something was wrong, and so he drew back, moving her hair away from her face.

"It is okay. All is well. Trust me".

Once again she felt him fill the aching within her. She moaned deeply as he began to move, her stomach expanded to almost a painful degree. Still, she felt embarrassed, and her mood had depleted significantly. Edward watched all this play across her face, stopping himself in order to give her a meaningful look. Jane groaned in protest.

"I cannot make love to my angry wife, it seems wrong"

"I am not angry, proceed"

"You are put out, then, and I will not have it. Let me see what I can do about it"

Jane eyed him as he pulled opened her nightshirt, exposing her breasts. He gathered them in his hand and moved his mouth skilfully over one of her nipples and sucked gently. Jane gasped, pressing her lips lazily into his chest. She could no longer hold up her head.

"That is not fair" she said defiantly.

He smiled before moving to the next breast, his finger finding the area that wanted him most.

"Ah, I can see you are ready for me to proceed" he said, smiling and kissing her raised peak before drawing back, mounting above her again.

"Are you comfortable?"

She nodded.

Once again the immense aching that had been growing in Jane's stomach was soothed as she wrapped her arms around her husbands neck to be near to him. She stood no chance against him. Within a few thrusts she was finished, fire running through her veins and shaking her from head to foot. Edward smiled at his accomplishments as he finished moments later, crying out in the masculine way that drew Jane's mind back from the wonderful, golden, place he had brought it.

. . . .

"You will not punish me too several not not staying still?" he asked her some time later as they lay in each others arms.

Night was falling now, and the sky began to descend behind the hills.

"I suppose I can pardon you from terrible punishment, seeing as you saved me from an embarrassing end to our lovemaking"

He grinned privately, closing his eyes.

"Perhaps you would have had a disappointing finish, but not I. As soon as I feel your hands on me I have to fight the urge to give into you immediately"

"You are teasing me"

"I am not. Would you like to help me prove it to you?"

Jane turned over smiling, pressing her back into his stomach and feeling his arms encompass her in their warmth.

"Jane you are tired because you are almost nine months pregnant, you do not sleep well in the nights, you do not have an appetite and today you had- an emotionally draining day. One day, when I am quite an old man, you shall run circles around me and our lovemaking and I shall have quite a lot to be embarrassed about"

"Mmm, I cannot wait for such days of love to come" she said, "I think I shall love you even more then, if such is even possible"

"When such days come, we shall have to be very quiet so this little one does not know what his parents do so secretly into the night in their room" he said, kissing her stomach sweetly.

"I am not sure I am ready to see Edward Fairfax Rochester as a father. I do not know if I can trust you to not corrupt our child with such talk"

He laughed as he kissed the top of her head.

"Never shall that wickedness be gone from you, of that I am certain"

"I told you that you were not marrying an angel"

"Ah, but I did" he said seriously, his hand moving over her stomach. "My own angel, who loves me in spite of all my faults and shortcomings. I love her so much, it pains me to think she can never know"

Jane pulled the hand which held her in his arms to her mouth and kissed it slowly. She held it close to her heart as another wave of sleep threatened to overtake her.

"If I fall asleep, will you go downstairs, eat, and take some time for yourself for a little while?"

"No, I do not think so"

"Is it not even a possibility?"

He shook his head, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"I want to be here when you wake, sleep".

Knowing she would not win, she closed her eyes and was asleep within instants.


	84. Chapter 84

The next morning Jane stalled getting ready. She did not really want to go downstairs and face the crowd of people that were there, waiting to see her. She was sure that they would not look her in the eye, that they would tread lightly, and act unnatural. But, there were only so many ways Jane could pull on her stockings or fix her hair or fasten her dress. Eventually, her husband came around the corner, looking at her knowingly and encouraging her to come downstairs with him. Not having another option, and wanting to have some form of support with her, she left with him.

As she guessed, the guests downstairs did not meet her eye when she came around the corner. Jane suspected that they found it a very disheartening sign that she had stayed in her room the remainder of the previous day, and that they believed she felt worse, and more broken than she did. She could not give him that power over her. She would not.

"Good morning" she said to the crowd assembled for breakfast. A general good morning was the reply, and soon food was carried out to the table to distract from furthering conversation. Jane felt a small squeeze of her hand under the table from her husband as she began to eat.

Captain Franklin stirred uncomfortably in his chair before putting his hand into a fist, and gaining fresh courage to speak across the table.

"Ms Rochester, please. I hope you will allow me to speak to you now in front of your friends and family regarding yesterday. To leave things unsaid feels wrong, and unfair".

Jane saw Lord and Lady Franklin look up hopefully, surely they wished for their family name to continue unstained.

"Of course" Jane replied, laying down her fork.

"Ms Rochester, my brothers behaviour to you yesterday is unfathomable to me, and completely unacceptable. Though I knew somewhat of his wicked tenancies, I never thought they would move into the realm of harming another person, especially one who has been good and excessively kind to me and my family during our stay here. What he received from your husband yesterday was well deserved, and I feel no other feeling toward him right now other than that. Please, accept my apology"

"Captain, I do not expect you to take on the guilt and wrongdoings of your brother. You need not make amends for him, you need not apologise for him. All I ask, is that it is seen to that he does not do this to any other woman ever again. You have the ability to see to such where I do not".

The captain nodded, solemnly.

"It shall be my only goal at present, madam"

As Jane looked at Lord and Lady Franklin she was reminded of just how different their son, the Captain, was from them. She suspected they would have been the type of people to hang their heads at breakfast, and perhaps into lunch until the mood had lifted sufficiently enough that normal conversation would resume and they could forget about the event that transpired. If pride was the reason for this, which she suspected it was, she knew she would never receive acknowledgement. This made the Captain's forwardness, and his honesty that much more valued.

. . . . . .

Over the following days, the general atmosphere returned to the Rochester household. Once Lord and Lady Franklin had sensed that enough time had passed, they began speaking to Jane again- a little more openly and friendly than they did before. Diana also began wedding discussions again in Jane's presence, her excitement once again peaked and her anticipation proving to make her restless. Jane often saw her pacing rather than sitting, walking rather than staying still.

Still, Jane thought often of her encounter with Franklin. Though she tried, she could not shake the image of him from her mind. This she kept private, however. Her husbands anger took days to bring down, and if she told him that Franklin still haunted her thoughts from time to time, she knew he would seek immediate revenge. Her silence gave them both more peace of mind than if she spoke of her feelings. Still, she knew that he suspected her of exactly what she felt. She often caught him observing her, and he often asked how she was, and what she was thinking. Jane never lied to him, she only told him selective parts of the truth.

Unfortunately, Jane did not have much closure on the matter. Edward told her afterwards that Franklin had been brought to town and kept in an inn there, guarded from leaving by two police officers. But he could not tell her more. The Captain said that he had him brought somewhere in the countryside, at a residence he claimed was remote and isolated from society. So, with this knowledge, Jane did her best to move on, and put her focus into helping with the wedding.

. . . . . . . .

Jane sat with Anne and the Rivers sisters in the sitting room the night before the wedding, completing the final tasks that needed to be done. There was an overwhelming amount of work to be done, work that was completely foreign to Jane. Her wedding had been so small, so private, so intimate. She could not imagine being married another way. But for Diana and Captain Franklin's wedding, the idea was the complete opposite. Flowers, food, dresses, arranging priests, arranging a church, gathering friends and family, all proved to be a huge undertaking.

"Diana, was it the pink ribbon you wanted to hold your bouquet together?" Jane asked, holding up a pink and a white ribbon.

"Yes, the pink. Oh no wait. Now that I see the white I am unsure...what do you think?"

"I think it is your wedding, and you should choose what you wish for yourself. It will be beautiful, no matter what you choose, so choose from your heart."

Diana smiled at her,

"Sweet Jane. I am asking for opinions, for there are too many choices for just me to make alone".

Jane grinned, "Then I will say pink. It was your first instinct, and will look lovely with the arrangements of flowers you have chosen"

"Thank you" Diana sang, taking the light pink ribbon from Jane.

"No, give that ribbon to me. I shall keep it in the box with the rest of the things for the florist when they arrive tomorrow" Anne said, holding out her hand.

"That is all very well, but now the ribbon for the ladies hair must be given out" Mary said, holding out several different types of ribbons. Anne sighed, taking the green one, defeated.

"I ordered this when my dress was the same colour, but now that has changed. I cannot wear this ribbon with my new dress. Though it is so handsome, I hate to see it go to waste. Jane, won't you wear it?"

"Thank you Anne, but I have something for my hair"

"Mary then! Your dress is cream, surely it will suit"

"Only if you are positive" she said, taking the ribbon excitedly from Anne before the words were out of her mouth.

"I am so tired" Diana said, rubbing her eyes. It had become quite late by now, and with the wedding only hours away it was important to get some sleep.

"Diana, you run along. You too Anne and Mary, I can look after everything here. There is not much left-"

"Absolutely not Jane" Diana objected, "You are pregnant, you need your sleep. We can all stay".

"Please. I have trouble sleeping in the nights. This will not be a waste of my sleep as it will be for you. Go on, and be well rested. We need to see that radiant face of yours tomorrow"

After several more debates, all of which Jane won, the girls departed for bed, waving goodbye to her from the door. Jane found the silence relaxing, and the final tasks that needed to be completed took her no time. Pieces of lace, last tailoring details, and reading over marriage cards took only a few minutes. As she did such, however, the study door opened and Edward stood, leaning against the frame.

"Jane Rochester, what are you doing? Everyone else is gone to bed"

"I sent them" Jane replied distractedly, sorting letters of congratulations into two separate piles.

Edward walked over to her, sitting down beside her and taking the letters from her hands.

"Its so late Jane, it is time for you to be in bed too"

"I promised I would finish this. I told them I have trouble sleeping in the nights, and that this would waste none of my sleep-"

"So you lied to them?" he asked, half serious, half amused. Jane shot him a sideways glance before picking up two more letters. Edward sighed at her continued progress.

"Is it just sorting these letters? If so let me help, we shall get it finished in half the time"

"No, I do not expect you to do this. You can go on to bed, I will not be much longer"

"But tonight is an especially cold May night, and I cannot sleep without you. You see? It is for completely selfish reasons I help. Hand me that stack there"

Jane reluctantly passed him the stack of cards and he began sorting through them.

"Do we not have servants to do this for Diana?"

"It is tradition of the bride's woman companions to help her sort through her letters"

"It seems inefficient to me" he commented, dropping the first letter onto the larger of the piles. "All these traditions, and all this fuss over a marriage seems like wasted time when one can just get married and start living as husband and wife"

"You only say that because you did not have the patience yourself to wait"

Edward grumbled beside his wife, laying a letter onto the smaller pile.

"It is hardly that you were filled with patience either. You wanted to be married as much as I"

"Of course" she said, smiling at him, "I had pure thoughts, however only of love. I think you may have had a darker motive in rushing me into my wedding. Or more specifically, my wedding night"

He bit back his smile.

"You tease me such even though you know such is not the case"

"No, but I like seeing you blush"

"I do not blush" he objected, throwing down a letter with some force so that it knocked the stack over. Jane smiled to herself and returned to her own task as he scrambled to pick up the letters.

"Speaking of" Edward began, scanning the letter in his hand, "This letter speaks of the wedding night, and an attached gift that was sent with it? Surely this is not a gift from the Captain himself?"

Jane sent him a disapproving glance which he found very amusing before answering "That is from Lady Franklin's sister. She sent a nightdress. It is in that box beside you. That can go in the family pile"

"Good God" Edward said, ignoring Jane's last comment and looking over into the box laying on the table beside him. "Jane, surely that is not what she sent. Does she want the marriage to fail before it can even start?"

"What ever do you mean?" Jane asked, now dropping her own letters back into her lap. Edward drew his hand back uncertainly from the box as if he had seen some horrid thing was contained within it.

"Any man would have an impossible task of getting this thing undone. Look at all the buttons- look at the neck. Surely this is a device meant to cover every ounce of skin on the body, and where is the fun in that?"

Jane smacked his arm scornfully.

"You have no right to comment on such things. It does not involve you"

"No, I suppose you are right, it does not". He paused. "I do remember though the things that did involve me- what you were dressed in our wedding night"

"Do you?" Jane asked, slightly surprised.

"Well, I remember what it felt like, not what you looked like, of course. It was very lightweight, and I could feel the curve of you through the thin material. I remember being surprised by how comfortable you were, and how honest. You opened up like a flower to me that night, Jane."

"That was through no natural inclination" she assured him, "You made me feel easy, and at peace. I was not afraid because I trusted you. I just did not want to be a coward"

"Coward was the last word that would have come to my mind that night"

"All the same. I knew you were experienced, far more than I, and I did not want my lack of knowledge to come off as a lack of enthusiasm"

Her husband smiled warmly, "No one could say that of you, Jane"

She looked at him and smiled before she went back to her task. She did not notice that he was watching her, thinking of her. There was silence for quite some time, but he continued thinking of the words that sounds had long fallen from the air.

"That night" he began, looking thoughtful, "You stunned me. You changed my view of my world. Not because you became my wife, or were honest with me, but because you trusted me as no one has ever trusted me before. I did not know that kind of trust was possible, you showed it to me. And the remarkable thing is you did not need to think of it at all, it was so natural to you. I have never known that level of intimacy, in spite of every action I have done that people may deem to be "intimate'. I think about that often, I think about how I now know that level of trust, and hopefully our child will see it in me. That is my biggest hope, right now".

Jane looked at her husband, and could not help herself from taking his hand, from holding some part of him.

"If you did not know it before, you know it now. I see it in every look, I hear it in every word. I know you Edward Rochester. I know how often you lay in bed at night, thinking of our unborn child, thinking of how you will be as a father. And I know the answer you tell yourself, and that answer is unfair. You are more capable of love than I have ever seen in another person. Truthfully I think as a pair, I think we will make exceptional parents. Like you bring out the best of me as a wife, I think you will bring out the best in me as a mother"

"Then we shall be an exceptional pair, for you make me better in every sense, not just in becoming a father".

Jane threw her last letter on top of the now tall piles and was immediately helped up by her husband.

"Alright mother to be, it is off to bed for you. It is far too late as it is".

"And off to bed for you too" she said as the ascended the stairs together. "Without your sleep, I fear that when I rouse you tomorrow your dislike of weddings and parties will show through much stronger"

He grunted some retort as she pushed opened their bedroom door.


	85. Chapter 85

When Jane woke the following morning, she could sense that the house was filled with a different energy before she even opened her bedroom door. Very early she could hear rapid footsteps moving up and down the hall, whispered voices conversing quickly, and the closing and opening of doors with less caution then would normally have been normally shown by servants so early in the morning. But, weddings were busy days and indeed the servants must have been anxious to do their work well, and to prove their ability.

Jane got out of bed soon after she heard the noise outside her room. She had slept better than normal, but still felt tired and groggy as she moved about her room, washing her face and getting dressed for the day. She could not dress alone anymore, for her frame was too bulky and large for her to manoeuvre in the right way. She walked over to her husbands side of the bed, and sat down on the edge, rubbing his arm affectionately.

"Edward darling?"

"Mmm" he grunted into the pillow, stretching out his arm lazily.

"I'm sorry. Will you help me with something?"

He seemed more alert at her words this time. He lifted his head and looked at her, rubbing his eyes.

"Are you alright?"

"Quite alright. I cannot do up the back of my dress"

"But Jane, why are you up so early? The sun is just risen. Could you not sleep?"

"Listen" she said, bringing a silence over the room for a moment, "All those footsteps outside in the hall woke me up. Everyone is so busy, I cannot stay here and sleep while everyone is working so hard"

"Jane" he objected, pushing himself sleepily into a seated position. "You must think too of yourself. It is sure to be a very long day, and you do not want to find yourself falling asleep at the dinner table tonight.I do not mean to advise you, but I thought that you agreed to take on less, that we agreed that you needed to only relax in these final weeks of pregnancy?"

"I appreciate your concern, but I am very well. I promised you I would not push myself past my limits, and that has not changed. Weddings are exciting, and I am happy to be part of this day. I do not intend to overexert myself so much that I cannot even enjoy the day itself. I just know that right now I can help, I can genuinely help. And that is all I wish to do"

"Of course it is" replied her husband, half annoyed and half amused. "Well then"

He flicked back the blankets, exposing himself as he stretched and rubbed his eyes.

"No" objected Jane, "No you need not get up yet. You can sleep for another hour, at least"

"If you are up, so I must be too. As you say, I can be of genuine help"

Jane sat down beside him, taking his arm enthusiastically.

"I was not about to push it on you, but I am very glad you will be up with me. You know far more than I do of these affairs, and you seem to simply get things done in an orderly way with such ease. I suspect today that will be very useful".

Edward laughed and Jane stood, gripping his shoulder for stability.

"Thank you sweetheart". She kissed his lips quickly before departing. "I shall see you downstairs in a few minutes".

. . . . . .

She did not see him for a long time, however. It was so long that she wondered if he had fallen back asleep, and was planning on getting mad at him later. But when breakfast was called separately for both the women and the men, he was no where to be found. It was not until Jane stepped across the hallway that she saw him through the opened front door standing outside, talking to John and several of the men from the stables.

"I know that the shoe cannot be replaced in time, so use the other carriage. I do not think Ms Rivers will mind. We cannot have an injured horse pulling the carriage, if there was an accident my wife would never forgive me"

"Right away sir, we shall change carriages immediately. But there is something else, the priest of the resident parish is away and left the responsibility to another priest. A father Burkley. Father Burkley needs his own copy of both Baptism records for the wedding to take place"

"Good God, is there no end to problems today. Thank you for informing me, John. I shall need to search my study for both now"

He moved so swiftly into the house that he almost did not see Jane standing there. Passing quickly, he gave her a meaningful look before vanishing up the staircase.

'John" Jane called out, suddenly guilty

"Yes Ma'am"

"Would you please take Mr Rochester a plate of breakfast in his study? I am worried he will not eat otherwise"

"Of course madam" he said, smiling, "I think such is a good idea. The ladies, in the meantime, are waiting for you in the parlour"

"Right" Jane said, slapping her hand to her forehead. "Right, that is where I was headed, thank you John"

. . . . .

Breakfast with Diana, Mary and Anne was not what Jane wished it would be. In her mind, Jane imagined a slow, thoughtful meal filled with wonderful and hopeful conversation of the marriage to come between Diana and Mr Rivers. It would be that wonderful time in which women were only with women, and shared in the joys of just being together. In reality, the breakfast was rushed, almost wordless and did not involve much eating.

"I am far too nervous to eat" Diana said, pushing her plate away, "Or perhaps I am far too excited. I do not know which. I think I shall just go and find Jenny to start with my hair, that way you girls will not have to wait so long"

And with that she was gone, not bothering to wait for a response.

"I think I shall do the same" Anne commented, pushing away too her barely touched plate of food. "If I eat too much, I shall surely burst from my dress"

Mary, who had been shovelling food into her mouth paused suddenly and dropped her fork, looking at Anne.

"Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I can wait until this evening to eat. I will go and get dressed. Jane, will you not come?"

Jane looked up at Anne and Mary standing before her.

"I think I shall sit here a little longer. I have been on my feet all morning. I shall join you in a moment!".

"Okay. But hurry upstairs. We want you to be there as we get ready"

"Of course" Jane smiled as they walked out of sight. She picked up her fork and began to eat again, thinking to herself privately that there was no way she was abandoning her breakfast for any reason. She hardly remembered ever being so hungry.

. . . . . . .

Soon after she finished, however, she did make her way upstairs to see the others getting ready. Knocking lightly on Diana's door, she heard a sequel and Diana's voice called out

"Who is there!"

"It is me! Now let me in"

A moment later Jenny appeared in the door, beaming at Jane.

"Hello mistress. She looks lovely indeed"

Jenny was not wrong. Before Jane sat Diana, her hair fashioned in an uncharacteristically intricate way, with braids and curls intertwining on top of her head and large, heavy curls falling around her face. She was seated, but Jane could still see how beautiful the top of her dress was, and how well it suited her figure. Best of all she looked happy, and Jane suspected that this was one of the rare times in her life when she felt truly beautiful. The thought warmed Jane's heart- she remembered feeling that way at several times, and the feeling was a wonderful one.

"Diana. You look radiant. I do not remember a time when you looked so well" Jane said, advancing toward her and taking her hands.

"Sit, please" Diana said, indicating a stool beside her. "Jane, you have always been so right about so many things, you have given the very best advice, and have never lead me astray. I ask for your help again now".

"But of course. Take a moment and breathe, you seem quite feverish. All is well, just relax"

Diana smiled a weak smile at Jane before nodding and closing her eyes, breathing deeply.

"Jane, I am so nervous for what is to come. I am nervous to stand in that church in front of everyone, I am scared of what becoming a new wife will mean for me. I am scared to leave you and Mary to become a wife"

She paused, dropping her voice.

"...I am scared of my wedding night"

Jane reached out her hand and Diana took it with great desperation. Jane could tell such concerns had been on her mind for quite some time.

"Diana, I know when you think of everything at once it can seem overwhelming- but not just overwhelming, it seems impossible. Where you stand is where many, many women have stood before you. Do not let your fear of the unknown spoil your great happiness today. You love the Captain. You love who you are when you are with him. That is what matters- it is all that matters. All will be well, better than well, if you truly believe in what you share together. Trust that all will come that is meant to come in good time".

Diana looked at her for a moment, clasping her friends hands.

"Thank you Jane. I think you must be right"

"I am right. Remember, I was a bride at one time too"

Diana shot her a knowing look.

"No one who ever saw you and Mr Rochester together could say for an instant you were not meant to be together. The same cannot be said for me and the Captain-"

"You love him, and he loves you. Whatever is said by anyone who disagrees with the marriage is wrong, and not worth your time to think about"

At that moment the bedroom door flew opened and Anne and Mary stood in the frame, hands clasped to their mouth, staring at Diana.

"You are a vision!" said Anne, gleefully.

"You are the most beautiful bride the world has seen" said Mary, smiling at her sister.

"And Jane! Wait, you are not dressed yet for the wedding!" Anne said a little frantically. "Jane you must go now, you must get ready. Soon we shall be headed to the church"

"That is my fault" said Diana, "I kept her, talking of important things. She has put my mind to great ease"

"That is all well" continued Anne, "But if we are late to the wedding all shall not be well any longer. Run along Jane, I want to see you looking stunning too".

. . . .

As Jane sat in her room, waiting for Jenny, she thought over how her own first wedding attempt had been. It was similar to how this day felt. She woke to immediate attention from Ms Fairfax and the Sophie, Adele's maid. She had been fussed over as she had never been attended to before. She was dressed, her hair was done and her flowers all gathered without her input, so when she stood and looked at herself in the mirror she hardly knew the women who was looking back at her. She had been dragged to the church at such a rate that she could hardly catch her breath when they stopped. It had been on odd feeling, and an isolating one on her wedding day. She imagined that Diana felt similarly in this moment, for she had never had the money either to ever consider this sort of wedding. And yet, here she was. And as she looked at herself in the mirror, Jane thought that she too was confused by the woman who looked back at her.

Jane's real marriage was far different than this day. She had woken that morning feeling perfectly at ease. No one roused her from premature sleep, no one cut short her breakfast, no one fussed over her. She did not feel any pressure to rush herself until her then day-long fiance came knocking at the door, asking how she was, and inquiring when she would be ready. They had walked slowly to the church, Jane describing the day- the sky, the birds overhead, the brook that ran alongside the path they walked. The memory made Jane smile, for that day he was a different sort of feeling from the first day they had tried to marry. That morning, Mr Rochester was brimming with nervous energy over what he feared would be revealed at the last moment, and his fears had been realised. When they finally did marry his relaxed spirit was only that of love, and truth, and honesty.

The door opened and Jenny stepped inside, looking windswept.

"Jenny! Sit, please. You look exhausted. I imagine you have been busy the whole of the morning"

"Oh ma'am, it has been busy, but I enjoy the work" she promised, wiping her forehead quickly with her arm.

"I have no doubt, you are extremely talented. Still, that is no reason for you not to take a break. Sit with me for a little while"

"But mistress" said Jenny quickly, "We shan't have any time to sit. Your hair must be done, and we must have you dressed in too short a time. I was delayed with miss Mary's hair, I should have started that sooner-"

"Jenny!" said Jane, not allowing her to continue. "Please, you have been marvellous in taking care of everyone thus far" she paused, "Frankly, I do not care anymore what I look like today. This little baby within me is making me feel so ill today, and so I am content with just about anything".

Jenny smiled understandingly, moving behind Jane and starting to take down her hair from the bun it had been fashioned in that morning.

"I shall not have my mistress looking anything but beautiful, for that is what she is. Now, if little Master or Mistress Rochester is making you feel ill then I insist you take it easy while I work"

. . .

An hour later Jane was finished. She was dressed in a beautiful yellow dress that suited her very well. Leah had picked the fabric when it came to the house, and Jane was thankful for her keen eye, for hers was not so distinguished yet, and never would have picked the colour for herself. Jenny styled her hair very attractively, braiding down the sides of her head and wrapping the braids behind her head in a bun, while leaving the rest of her hair down, and gently curled.

The whole experience left her feeling frustrated. As she tried to speak with Jenny, servants continually flew in and out of the room, asking her questions, checking final details on the dinner menu, bringing flowers, reminding her of the time and the need to hurry. Jane could hardly get a sentence out without being interrupted by a member of the household. It was not their fault of course, but it left Jane feeling tired, strained, and flustered.

Jenny eventually left Jane in her room when she had finished, and Jane took advantage of the moment to herself to sit in quiet. It had been the kind of day where a moment of silence felt unnatural. She did not trust the wonderful silence, and had good reason not to. A moment later her bedroom door burst opened and Edward stepped inside, closing the door with a careless force behind him. He did not see his wife at first, so she just turned back around to look out of the window. Edward began discarding his clothes, throwing the different articles around the room. Finally he turned to where Jane was and jumped, his face turning angry as he tried to cover his naked frame with his nightshirt he now held in his hand.

"I have seen all of you before", Jane reminded him, eyeing the shirt.

He dropped his arm and continued with his task at hand with unnecessary force.

"You could have told me you were there, there is no need to sit there in secrecy"

"I am not sitting in secrecy. I am just trying to have some quiet time to myself, which I will now resume, if you do not mind"

For a moment Edward was about to argue, but in seeing her turn around and face the window again he felt the wisest thing to do was fall silent, and finish dressing. When he was fully dressed aside from his tailcoat he lay down on the bed so that his head rested close to the arm of Jane's chair which faced the window. He looked up at the ceiling, and sighed deeply.

"Will you mind if we are alone together?"

Jane felt a small smile attempt to rise to her mouth, and without looking at him, nodded.

There was complete silence for a period until Jane stood up and lay on the bed beside her husband. In that moment she felt herself relax a little bit, for she had realised she had not been alone in feeling overwhelmed by the wedding, and the whole marriage experience. She could tell that Edward was consumed with his own thoughts, and that his mind was occupied with not becoming short tempered and angry as he had been just a few minutes before.

She felt guilty.

Her and Edward had had so little time to communicate in the past few days. With house guests, demands and needs from them, Mr Franklin's advances on Jane, and the general stress of planning a wedding, Jane knew that pent up frustration she was not used to bubbled just under her skin, always threatening to overtake her at the smallest obstacle. The child within her was also making her feel more ill in the past few days then she had felt in months, and this also played into her increasing lack of patience. Jane missed talking at night with Edward. She missed getting her concerns and worries off her chest and having someone to ease her mind before falling asleep. Now, it was a matter of simply making it to bed and collapsing into an immediate sleep. Jane considered it a good night to not fall asleep in some chair, or on a sofa.

Her hands ran over her bump without thought, and her husband turned to look at her. His own hand found hers and brought it to his mouth briefly.

"I'm sorry" Jane began, all built up emotion falling from her lips now, "Edward, I am so sorry for all of this. No, no, listen. I know you will tell me that planning a wedding is not my fault, nor is it anyone's fault, it is simply stressful. But I have put so much onto you- more than you deserved. I did not even realise I was doing it. I just knew I could trust you, and took advantage of you. I mean, recommending you show Lord Franklin the shooting grounds was merely to remove him from Mr Eshton's presence for a while? That was not right."

"Yes, and while you had me do that, you were occupied with all the ladies, all their maids, all the dresses and bows and God knows what else for the wedding. Jane darling, I am only sorry you have been so overworked. I want to be there for you so that you can command work of me when you are overwhelmed. That is what one signs up for when one marries- hosting vast wedding parties for family that you obtain in union and suffering the difficult moments alongside the good moments"

"I know" said Jane, frustrated, "But it isn't only that. _We_ have suffered as a result, and that has been my fault"

"We are fine, my darling. But not being able to kiss you goodnight properly, and not being able to tell you of my day and hear of yours in return has not been good. It has made us both irritable and on edge. I promised I would ease your workload, and try to relieve you of any excess duties, and in that I have failed miserably"

"You cannot help when I sneak off late at night to work in the study, or lie to you about what I am doing"

Jane did not mind admitting this. She was a terrible liar, and knew she did not stand a chance against her husbands knowing glances.

"No" he said, resolved, "I cannot make you less stubborn. And I cannot tell you what to do. My only consolation is that the wedding is in a few minutes and soon all this shall be over. Our house shall be ours again, and we will go back to the way things were before. Is it wrong of me to wish for such?"

Jane shook her head,

"If it is wrong, then we are wrong together. All I want is to be alone with you again, for a little while. Before our child arrives and throws our lives into chaos once more"

Rochester smiled, leaning over to press his lips to Jane's temple. The intimate action made her feel warm, and full.

He moved over her slowly, pressing his lips to her forehead, then to her mouth. His kisses were sweet, and unimposing, and made Jane's heart feel invincible.

"You look so handsome" Jane said, speaking almost to herself as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Do you think so? Am I presentable?"

"Quite. Though, you must not be charming as well as good looking- you attract far too many women to you as it is, and I do not like it"

He laughed heartily, kissing her forehead once more. He always did such when he wished to wordlessly remind her of his love for her.

"You look beautiful" he said honestly, playing with one of her soft curls.

"I do not. I am puffy and so round I can barely sit and stand, and today am quite red"

Edward looked amused.

"You are perfect. You always are. Especially to me".

Jane eyed him before kissing him softly.

"Come, we have a wedding to attend".


	86. Chapter 86

Hello everyone!

I am so sorry for the long breaks in-between posting. I have been incredibly busy, but I have missed this so much!

Please tell me what you think of this chapter, and what will happen next ;)

Love you all, thank you for all your kindness. It means the _world_ to me. xoxox

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As Jane and Rochester descended the staircase, they found that the only people left in the house were the servants, who had indeed been invited to the wedding, Mr Eshton and Diana. All of the others had just left through the main doors. As Mr Rochester would be the one to walk Diana up the isle, with her brother in India and her own father being dead, it was customary for her to ride with Mr Rochester to the church. Jane assumed correctly when seeing Mr Eshton waiting in the hallway that he was waiting to escort her, and when they reached the bottom of the stairs, he held out an arm to her.

"I know I am not your gallant Mr Rochester, but do you suppose I will do as a escort to the church?"

Edward looked amused.

Jane smiled, "You are foolish. I shall be happy to walk with you"

She turned to her friend, who was indeed quite the beautiful bride. Diana looked nervous as she stood in the porch, and through Mr Eshton spoke to her, she did not seem to internalise any of his words. Jane squeezed her arm affectionately, and she looked up.

"I shall see you very shortly. Keep your head up" she spoke lowly so that only Diana could hear, "You look very beautiful"

And soon Diana and Mr Rochester were out of view, stepping into the waiting carriage and pulling out the drive. Jane turned to her companion and smiled as he gestured for them to begin walking. The church was a very short walk away, perhaps ten minutes if they were very slow (which she was sure to be). The day was beautiful and cool, so Jane felt refreshed by the walk rather than tired.

"I hear I am to congratulate you, Anne is with child. I have not had the opportunity to say so to you alone before now"

Eshton looked slightly surprised at Jane's words, but his reply was pleasant and happy.

"She told you then? Well, thank you Jane. it was wonderful news. We did not want to share the news before Diana's wedding, Anne feared it may take away from the excitement of her day. We were planning on keeping it a surprise"

Jane was not sure this was entirely true. It was not within Anne to withhold happy information- she loved to share, and she would have known that Diana would not have felt that sharing such happy news would interrupt her wedding. Jane thought it was more likely that Anne was nervous, and perhaps a little unsure herself, and wanted more time to keep the news of her child to herself. Jane suspected this, but she did not think Mr Eshton did, so she did not argue the point with him.

"It still is a surprise, no one knows besides myself. Not even my husband"

Eshton nodded in recognition and put his hands behind his back.

"She is very grateful to have you as a friend, especially as you are with child too. I think it is a large comfort to her, for she knows you will be more than willing to help, and share the knowledge you learn right before her. Anne often feels she needs the wisdom of others in her life, and she is very happy that wisdom is sure to come from someone as honest as you"

Again, Jane wondered. She had a sneaking suspicion that even if she wanted to be completely honest with Anne about the difficulties of motherhood that was sure to come in the upcoming weeks that she could not do so. For Anne, a difficult truth was one of the worst things in the world. Telling her that something that was beautiful, and wonderful was also extremely tough was sure to dampen her spirits completely until the birth. Jane did not see the point in doing so. She had seen births, seen babies being taken care of by nannies, seen servants scrambling to arrange bedtimes and clothing and blankets for the children, and was almost positive that Anne had not.

Jane smiled in response to Eshton, "Of course. I look forward to sharing with her. Although, my wisdom may be nothing worth sharing, if truth be told"

Eshton laughed, "The way Rochester speaks of you, he makes it seem as if there is no more fit mother on the planet than you"

"You make me blush, for his impression he placed on you is not true. I am at my best moments eagerly excited, happy and I feel very blessed but at my worst I feel unsatisfactory, and unprepared"

"Nonsense" Eshton interjected, "Time and practice, I suppose. Like with anything else in life".

Jane knew his comment was meant to be kind, and he intended it to be that way. And yet, Jane could not help noticing that there was a certain amount of distance he was already placing between him and his wife's role as parents. She could not pass judgement on him for this. Mr Eshton's attitude towards fatherhood was the epitome of what most men believed was right, and thus it was simply the custom. She knew he would love the child, and care for the child, but he would take no true active role in raising it. That was left to governesses, and to mothers.

Feeling slightly awkward about how thankful she was that Edward was to be a very different type of father, she changed the subject.

"There is quite the guest list here today on behalf of the Captain. I am afraid I know hardly any of them, apart from his parents of course"

"I know" remarked Eshton, his voice carrying the dread he felt. "It was the same with our wedding. Anne had so many relatives to invite, where I hardly had any. The day simply turns into formal meetings, which is pointless as you will never see the majority of them again, and will most likely not remember their names in any case, if you do see them".

Jane grinned at him.

"Especially me. You see, I am still not well-versed in the practices that growing up with rank and custom afford. I do not remember titles and names with ease"

"That is all well today, seeing as you are the lady of the hour. You will not have to do any such work"

Jane looked at her companion curiously.

"You look confused"

"Well of course, for it is Diana's wedding"

"Ah yes. But _you_ are the hostess. You are the one with the rank and fortune. As much as people come to witness Diana and the Captain's wedding, they really will be sizing you up, writing mental notes of your relationships, and your house, and your number of servants, among many other things. That is what truly matters at a wedding"

"You have a way of making one feel quite at ease" Jane said. He shook his arm in the air dismissively.

"Thankfully, you have a husband who is remarkably good with such. With him being around, you will not have to do much of the work. He is quite the figure among this society you know, Jane. He does not care what people think, which people do not like, and yet he is very charming, very intelligent, and very good at conversation. Such a combination baffles people who abide by custom. Anyone who meets him now can see how happy he is, and that is a threatening quality for any unhappy person"

"Well exactly" argued Jane, "Next to him I am sure to look quite the bore, and surely my plain upbringing and plain life shall shine through with too much ease"

Eshton laughed, "Except for you are not plain. You are an equal match to your husband, after all. I have never seen him submit to anyone but you before. Besides, as his wife, people will associate you with whatever qualities he carries"

"Wonderful" teased Jane, "Somehow that thought makes me more nervous than anything you have said before"

Eshton laughed heartily as they rounded the corner into the church yard.

There were a few people waiting outside the church, huddled around the door. They appeared to know each other well, and were most likely avoiding the crowd that was already inside the church to catch up in the fresh air. Jane could hear people approaching behind her, so she knew that they were not very late to the ceremony, for she had walked very slow. As Jane walked by the small group around the door she felt their eyes pierce her with their gaze. She felt surveyed and strange, for she really was not used to being the centre of attention. With character that was so unlike her own, Jane lifted her head with energy and smiled at those who were watching her and found them scrambling to soften their expressions, nodding to her respectfully.

Smiling to herself, Jane walked inside.

"I do hope that Anne does not mind that she lost her escort?"

"No, of course not. Anne wanted to be the first one out the door with Mary, she was not being held back by me this morning"

Jane laughed, "I can imagine it now"

And then Jane's eyes fell upon someone quite unexpected.

Sitting a few rows from the front of the church was Blanche Ingram, unmistakable, even from behind. She had a long, slim neck, bright blonde curls which were fashioned attractively around her face and a large blue bonnet which had feathers sticking from it which threatened to poke anyone sitting nearby. But there was no one sitting close to her besides the man who was with her. That gentleman was much older than she was, and for a moment Jane wondered if it was her father. But then she remembered Blanche's own father was younger than the man she sat with, had more hair that was less grey, and was less round. Jane was forced to deduct from their closeness that they must be indeed married to each other. Otherwise, such behaviour would cause such a stir, and Blanche Ingram abided by societal laws which would never allow for such a scandal.

It was a curious feeling to see Blanche again; Jane was struck at how little she was phased in seeing her. At one time, the very sight of her made Jane's insides turn uncomfortably. She was jealous of her, jealous of her looks and of her now-husbands attentions towards her. Now, she felt something that almost resembled pity towards her. Even her haughty expression could not hide how miserable she looked.

Eshton and Jane passed Blanche as they reached their seats, and Jane was sure that she could feel the eyes of Blanche roaming over every inch of her appearance. But Jane appeared very happy, and gave no reason for Blanche to suspect anything different. She was dressed in bright yellow, was 8 months pregnant, and was beaming at her friends that greeted her upon arrival.

"Hello" Jane said, sitting one seat from the end of the pew. She watched Mr Eshton slide in beside his wife who beamed at her.

"My goodness, it is good we came ahead of you. You quite took your time" Anne teased quietly.

"I cannot help it" Jane said, "I am unbearably slow, even to myself"

"How was Diana?" Mary asked, her hands clasped together.

"Nervous, but happy and excited too. The way every bride feels"

Anne smiled, "Not me, I was nothing but happy"

"Yes my dear, how could you not be? marrying this?"

Anne shook her head and sat front facing again. Captain Franklin stood at the front of the church, arms pulled behind his back, looking rather nervous himself as he rocked back and forth on his feet. He turned to look at the group who sat at the front of the church, and with many looks of encouragement, he looked as if he gathered spirit.

A few moments later, the crowd was called to silence and all fell still. Everyone turned to look upon Diana, and Jane thought she caught Blanche's eyes lingering on her as she turned to face the back of the church. There stood Diana and Mr Rochester, Diana looking shy but happy. Never in her life had so much importance been placed on her, nor so much attention. Jane understood the overwhelming feeling, but also felt incredibly proud at her spirit.

Edward, Jane noted, looked extremely handsome. As they approached, Jane thought to herself that he had never looked so well. He looked young, at ease, happy, and very unlike his sometimes typical, brooding self. His well fitting waist and tailcoat exhibited his unusually trim body for his age, which added to his overall appearance of wellness. Had some of the lines on his face even softened?

Jane took a secret pleasure in the contrast between her husband and Blanche's, who coughed away a horrible gargling noise loudly, pounding his chest as Diana reached the top of the isle.

As Diana was handed off to Captain Franklin, Edward walked back to where Jane was, moving into the pew beside her. She took his hand briefly, squeezing it gently as they sat down.

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If people had been surprised by the couple's union before the wedding, after the ceremony there could be no doubt of the couples sincerity of affection. As they recited their vows, Diana looked upon her husband with the utmost devotion and love. The Captain looked almost flushed by the emotion shown towards him, perhaps seeing the full extent of her feeling for the first time. The young love humbled Jane.

When the ceremony was over, Diana and the Captain entered the carriage that was waiting for them outside. They would take a private drive in the carriage first before arriving back at the Rochester's house for the party of people who would be waiting there to congratulate them. Jane greatly approved of this tradition. They deserved a moment alone together before being ambushed by well-wishers and friends.

The wedding party slowly dispersed from the church, Blanche and her husband being one of the first people to begin walking towards the house. Mary walked ahead with Anne and Mr Eshton while Jane took her husbands arm.

"Well, do you think we shall reach the house before dark?" Rochester asked amusedly, watching an old man within the crowd move ahead of them with significant speed. Jane shot him a disapproving look before he looked around, and in seeing that they were quite alone, and kissed her. Jane pushed him back, looking around.

"Edward, what if someone had seen that?"

His face stretched into a warm smile, "What would if matter if they did? Today is a day of love, and I love you"

Jane looked around quickly again before reaching up and kissing her husband briefly. He smiled, biting his lip.

"Who are you to scold me, and do the same action I have been punished for?"

"What does it matter? Today is a day of love, and I love you".

He put his hand in the small of her back as they continued and Jane breathed in sharply. She was in much pain from the walking, and even the smallest touch sent shivers through her. Though she tried to disguise her discomfort, Edward stopped her.

"Edward please, do not treat me as if I cannot decide for myself whether I should continue or not. Today I am in more pain than usual, but that does not mean I should not walk. I find it helps me, although it is painful".

He looked as if for a moment he was about to argue, but he sighed in defeat.

"Then lean on me a little more, darling. Take advantage of what little I can do to help".

She did so, and it felt a little better.

"Thank you" Jane said as they proceeded

"Thank you? For me listening to you? Jane you shame me with your expectations of me"

"No" Jane remarked, shaking her head, "For letting me lean on you"

"Of course. It is an easy walk for me"

Edward groaned as their home came into view, along with the many people in the distance which were also moving towards it.

"I know" Jane said softly, "It had been a long day for me too, and I crave nothing else but your sole company"

Edward slowed slightly as he looked at his wife,

"I would say that we can have some alone time tonight, but I fear that we will both be too tired. By God, perhaps I am getting old"

Jane laughed, rubbing his arm affectionately.

"You know I thought the opposite today?"

"Did you really? Or is this another of your cruel teases?"

"Truly I did. You look very well, especially compared to Blanche Ingram's husband-"

Edward stopped in his tracks.

"And how would you be able to make that comparison?"

"Because they are here"

"What? Where! I did not see them."

"They sat a few rows down on the opposite side of the church. She indeed saw you. She watched with great curiosity you as you walked up the isle. Perhaps she was having remorseful flashes of what could have been her situation in life"

Edward sent her an unimpressed, but amused look.

"I heard they were married last month in London, but I have not seen either of them in a very long time"

"So you know her husband?"

"Oh yes. Lord Marcus is quite the figure in London. And I am sure he will stand out today for being the oldest husband present, and the roundest-"

"Edward"

"Jane, I am not wasting any feeling of sympathy on either person. They are selfish, shallow, vain individuals who feel no deeper than skin. They deserve to be mocked"

"I rather thought they deserved to be pitied. I have never seen a sadder looking couple"

"What can I say? Selfish people never are happy and never fully satisfied. If they are indeed miserable, it is from their own doing. How can one pity that?"

"Some people do not have the ability to make better decisions. Some people know the difference, but do not possess the courage"

"You, Jane Rochester, had every right to be bitter, cruel, and cynical as you moved through life, yet you were not. You were the opposite, you _are_ the opposite. People can choose what they are, and they can change in spite of what life predisposes them to be. Blanche Ingram simply does not care"

Jane looked at her husband and sighed as they reached the front path of their house.

"Well, I do not care what you decide to think in your head. As long as it does not show. This is Diana's day, and it must not become about you"

"Fine, I will be well behaved and remain at a safe distance"

"I do not think that is possible" Jane warned, "It looks as if she waits for you at the gates".


	87. Chapter 87

Hello everyone!

We have a bit of a rollarcoaster in this chapter, haha, but I hope you will like it!

Please let me know what you think, who is in the right, and who is in the wrong.

Hoping you all are happy and well, xoxox.

(p.s. Whoever the guest was who wrote me a few chapters ago saying that they wanted to read while driving on a road trip, thank you so much. That was such a beautiful image, it made me feel so happy!)

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It was almost two years since Jane first meet Blanche, and though her appearance was different, it was no less beautiful. When they had first meet, Blanche had a youthful appearance and a rather mature and worldly attitude. She had dressed and styled herself in the most fashionable clothes of the time, wearing bright colours and arranging her hair with pearls and jewels and feathers. Now, Blanche seemed to dress to stress a different part of her person- the part that was now an extremely wealthy married woman.

She wore a light blue silk dress with two darker blue silk panels on either side of her waist. The middle panel of the top of her dress was the same colour dark blue, and was encrusted with jewels and diamonds which sparkled in the afternoon sun. On her neck she wore a long string of pearls with matching earrings which hung heavily on her ears. It was difficult to see how her hair was fashioned under the wide hat that sat on top of her head, but Jane could see that her youthful curls had vanished to be replaced by an older, more mature hairstyle. Her hat was a bright white, with feathers which stuck off in all directions, and although Jane thought fleetingly of a bird attacking the top of her head, the overall look was still very pleasant, and it was evident that much work went into arranging which outfit she would wear for the day.

Blanche's miserable look was now replaced with a look of clear superiority as Jane and Rochester approached. When the four did meet, they all bowed to one another.

"Mr Rochester, how wonderful it is to see you again" Blanche said, flashing him a fleeting smile.

"And you too miss- well I suppose I do not know you anymore as Ms Ingram" Edward said, glancing to the man standing beside Blanche.

Up close, Lord Marcus was perhaps more sad looking than Jane had previously thought him to be. His face was very puffy, dull and very red. When he coughed, angry blotches appeared all over his round face and his dry mouth let out a terrible rasping sound. His small eyes seemed to be buried amid his face, and he seemed so feeble on his feet that he may collapse at any moment. The small cane which supported his weight was surely not to be trusted. Jane noticed an odd array of different rings on nearly every finger, each decorated with different jewels and decorations. It must have been quite the task to simply raise up his hands with the sheer weight of the jewellery.

They were an extremely odd pair- so much so that one may even have thought Blanche to be a kindly relative, who, in her youth, was eager to assist her uncle in his old age. But this image of a compassionate Blanche seemed even more far-fetched than the apparent union between them. There was not even a whisper of affection between them, and Jane thought for a moment she could see repulsion in Blanche's eyes as she turned towards him.

"Ah yes, I am Lady Marcus now. We were married just last month in London, weren't we dear?"

He did not respond to her, he only beat his chest forcefully as another coughing fit came on. He waved his cane in the air, vague in what such a gesture meant, and all fell back into silence.

"Lady Marcus, of course you have meet my life, Lady Rochester?"

Jane wished to roll her eyes at the sound of the name. She never referred to herself as Lady Rochester, and her husband only did so when he was trying to prove a point. She did not think he had ever referred to himself as Lord Rochester before. Yet, Jane was sure that his desired effect of wanting to impress upon Blanche the equality of his wife to her in status was in vain, for Jane was not born with a title, but Blanche was.

"Congratulations" Jane said, wanting to feel more genuine in the sentiment than she did. "I hope you are very happy"

Blanche looked truly surprised she was spoken to, for she had ignored Jane's presence from the moment they approached. But she nodded, applying the same forced smile to Jane that she had shown to Mr Rochester earlier- which was fleeting, and lazy.

"We are. Exquisitely happy"

The phrase was so obscene that Jane was sure her husband was stiffing a laugh. No one married to Lord Marcus could be exquisitely happy, for he was far too detached and unaware.

"And I trust you are both well?"

Jane did not know why she asked the question, for she must have known she would not receive the answer she so desperately wished to hear. How happy would it make her to hear that Jane was miserable, and that her life was not easy, or pleasant. How content would it make her to know that she had won, and that marrying for the sake of love was indeed a farce. But no such answer came to her.

"Very well, thank you. I cannot imagine a time in my life where I felt better than I do now"

Edward smiled at Jane's words and uttered an agreement wholeheartedly.

"You must find marriage to be the same for you, Blanche?"

Jane knew that Edward threw in this last part in order to see her scramble to come up with a convincing response. She started, smiling and then laughing slightly at the lack of words which came to her. She threw her head back and lowered it again, an old look of stale happiness fixing itself across her face.

"Wonderful is not an appropriate enough word. My situation in life is excessively fitting. Few women could expect to have the luxuries and comforts that I possess. You must have found it shocking to enter into such a life Jane? With your humble background".

For a moment there was an odd tension in the air, and Jane was glad that her husbands anger did not compel him to answer before she could.

"In truth, I did not find it difficult at all" she answered immediately, "I adjusted all within my life to suit me and my natural disposition, and such has left me very content".

"She is a darling" Blanche said dismissively to Rochester, though she did not look away from Jane. If she thought this was indeed intimidating, she would be wrong.

" _She" e_ mphasised Rochester, looking at Jane, "is standing right beside you, and need not be spoken about as if she is not here. Jane is not just 'darling', she is marvellous- in every way"

"And soon to be a mother, I see" Blanche said, eyeing up Jane. "Forgive me if I was rude. How far along are you?"

"I am eight months along. I deliver early next month"

"I do hope it goes well. I know a young girl, well, I did know her. She indeed passed tragically during delivery not very long ago. Such a noble way to go as a woman. Well, her mother was quite heartbroken that it drove her to insanity. I believe she is now in 's in London. It just goes to show, does it not?"

"Such is horrible to hear" Jane replied genuinely. Her tone contrasted Blanche's so drastically that it made Blanche sound as if she was practicing poorly memorised lines for an amateur play. "I am indeed sorry. I wish her mother well".

Blanche looked annoyed that Jane's face had not drained of all colour. She was not afraid of giving birth, in spite of knowing that there were many risks and complications in doing so. She had long since decided not to be afraid of something that would come, regardless of how much she worried.

"And how is it that you are here today?" Mr Rochester was asking, "How is it that you know Ms Rivers?"

"Oh goodness. It is not the Ms Rivers I know, it is the Captain. His father was quite the naval hero and was close acquaintances with my father"

"How strange. The Captain said he did not know who you were"

"Strange indeed" Blanche covered quickly, though she did not look phased by Mr Rochester's revealing comment. "So many faces today, my name must simply have been forgotten"

"And were they not a beautiful couple?" Jane asked, this time almost for wickedness. She knew the answer she would receive.

"Well, they are an odd pair, aren't they? Diana is so poor, and from an even more desperate situation than- well, than some. Her dress, my goodness, how old fashioned! No young woman should be married in such a frock. It is insulting. Surely you had enough money, Mr Rochester, to buy her something far more becoming. The union perhaps could have been forgiven further if she at least _looked_ the part".

"I wonder that you have said such to me knowing that Diana is family to me, and a very close friend" Jane spoke, her voice clear and steady. "Whether or not you feel they are a odd pair seems to be irrelevant, seeing as they are so happy, and seeing as the Captain cannot care so for the opinion of a woman he does not even remember the name of"

Blanche looked flabbergasted. She opened her mouth to respond but no words came out. Edward held out his arm to Jane once more and turned to Blanche.

"Excuse me, but I am sure there are those who are looking for us, or will be very soon. Enjoy your afternoon, Lady Marcus, Lord Marcus"

Jane had almost forgotten about Lord Marcus' presence until Edward bid him farewell. He nodded, raising his hand in an odd sort of salute as the Rochester's departed. When they were well out of earshot, Jane turned on her husband.

"How did you know that the Captain does not know who Blanche is?"

"I did not know. It was a guess"

"Edward" Jane reprimanded lowly, "How wicked of you. I only used what you said because I was under the impression you were right "

"Which you can see, I was"

Jane grinned slightly, trying to straighten out her face into disapproval.

"Well, regardless. I find it hard to believe that the Captain would keep her company as a friend in any case. Did you hear what she said of Diana? It is so cruel, it is impossible to imagine anyone saying it. I can only think the cause is that very sad marriage she has found herself in".

"It may be even more sad than you think Jane- here, let us sit here a moment. Ms and Captain Franklin have not arrived yet"

They sat on the edge of a low stone garden wall and relief flushed Jane as she sat. She did not notice how long she had stood on her feet, and the rest from it was very welcomed. The Rochester's were not alone here, but those who stood around were so absorbed in their own conversations that their presence went unnoticed.

"Ms Ingram as you know left Thornfield two years ago believing that my fortune was not half of what she thought, and from that moment on I heard not one word from her. Because I expected such to be the case, I thought nothing of it, and did not think of her again or seek to learn anything of her life. A few months later, while in my prison of Ferndean I had heard that Ms Ingram had taken a fancy to a young man in London of substantial fortune and personal beauty. I was lead to believe, as many were, that she intended to marry him. And suddenly the rumours were no more, and were replaced with the news that the young man was engaged to be married to a very wealthy, and very dazzling young woman who had just been introduced at court months before. I admit, in my own depressed stupor I took pleasure in her pain. It agonised me to think that someone so worthy of true happiness, such as yourself, had it torn away forever because of me, and that a selfish, absurd, vain and shallow person could be rewarded. Then, a short time after, my happiness at her misfortune turned to a sort of regret. The young man she had fallen in love with had broken off his engagement for reasons one can only assume were related to miss Ingram- but by this time she had meet, become engaged to, and married Lord Marcus in a whirlwind. I think it could only have been to spare herself humiliation and loneliness. Well, if we have witnessed anything here, it is that Blanche has paid largely for her selfishness and forfeited all her chance of happiness in life".

The story sat in Jane's mind long after her husbands words had hung and fallen from the air. She suddenly felt sorry for her anger, and for the short way in which they had departed.

"I am sorry I treated her in the way I just did" Jane said, slowly.

Edward looked at her. "I did not tell you such to guilt you, Jane-"

"No, I know. I am sorry because she means nothing to me now, and the way I just acted towards her does not show that. In fact, it shows the opposite. I do not wish to lead her to believe she has any such claim over me".

Jane's husband sent her a knowing look, and he waited until her heightened feelings dissolved before he spoke.

"You cannot turn the switch which stops you from caring Jane. And I know part of you feels strongly towards her because you would not wish her unhappiness on anyone, and you do not like to see any fellow creature suffer"

"No" Jane said firmly, "It is not because of that- or at least not _only_ that. Blanche represents all I fear here, all the judgements that I am not enough, that I do not belong here, that I do not deserve what I have been given".

Jane looked over at Blanche who was now speaking to an elderly woman wearing an old tiara which must have been a family heirloom, and such was surely the topic of conversation between them. Lord Marcus sat behind her a ways back, looking unseeingly at the party before him. There was nothing in her manner which was wanting of compassion, or pity, and yet Jane could not help herself. In spite of her very core wish to hurt and wound wherever she went, Jane knew that Blanche knew no other way, and such was not her fault.

"But you are right" she continued, without looking back at her husband. "I would not wish a life void of love and true connection on anyone. If I did, even with her being the only exception, I would be no better than her in all her pettiness".

Edward looked knowingly at his wife, taking her hand so that no one else could see.

"And?"

"And...even though she is beautiful and elegant and graceful, I shall be content being the large, blundering, plain, pregnant wife"

He raised his eyebrow.

"Not what I was looking for, exactly"

"Hang on" Jane started, accusingly. She was helped to her feet. "What is it that makes you okay with her presence here today? Usually you cannot even stand the mention of her name. Why is it that I sit here and pour my hearts insecurities to you so that I look quite immature and petty and you leave with a clean slate, for perhaps the first time in your life?"

He grinned broadly,

"Because my large, blundering, plain and pregnant wife is far better than any other woman here today".

"Very smart of you to say, sir"

"Mmm"

At that moment, the general gatherings attention was brought to an approaching carriage coming through the gates. The gathered guests moved towards the carriage as it came to a stop and watched the newly married couple emerge, waving and smiling at all their friends and family. The sight of them made Jane smile. Although she was glad her wedding was so quiet, and so small, she could also imagine how wonderful it would have been to share your marriage with people you love, and people who love you in return.

Diana looked at Jane, waving as she beamed the brightest smile she had ever seen.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

The afternoon was a blur of new introductions, quick conversations, and occasionally the sighting of someone Jane was familiar with. She and Edward had become separated, and Jane was secretly a little nervous and upset that she had lost her ally. But, as Eshton predicted, everyone seemed to want to speak with her, and much attention was placed on conversing with the hostess of the afternoon. This was so much the case that she barely had any time to worry. Jane felt like a fraud in his role, however, for so many people had helped her, and so many people continued to work while she simply stood around, making introductions and repeating the same small talk. Sometimes she saw a flash of someone she knew- a fleeting glance from Anne, or Mary as they walked past. Jane envied their freedom, and wished for nothing more than somewhere to sit, and some quiet.

At one point, Jane stood talking to a young woman who was an old family friend of the Franklin's. She was just sixteen, very beautiful, and very eager to share her own accomplishments with Jane.

"This dress I did indeed have to buy for this event. Normally, I have a dressmaker in London that will tailor a gown for me, but seeing as my availability to come was so last minute, I had no choice but to buy it. My lady's maid was up all of the night, tailoring it for me. She is a doll, I don't know what I would do without her".

Jane found herself wishing that the young ladies invitation was lost in the mail, or perhaps that she could not, in the end, make it to the wedding celebration after all. Then, Jane saw Anne moving into the house and felt a vicious surge of envy that she could not do the same.

"- and I see you are pregnant. Congratulations to you and your husband. When is the baby to arrive?"

"Early in June, in just about a month"

"My, how exciting. Do you have any names in mind yet? Any family member who will receive the honour of having your child named after them?"

"Oh" said Jane in surprise. "No, I do not think we have any in mind just yet. Or at least, none that we have firmly decided upon"

"Well, such is best. It is always best to see a child before you name them. The name could be perfectly horrendous, and not suit them at all. Then you would waste a good name on a child that does not deserve it".

Jane nodded, trying to look as if she was taking into account this woman's information with interest. But, seeing as Jane could not remember her name or her connection to the wedding, she was sure to take in this advice in good strides. At that moment she felt someone approaching and then heard her husbands voice, come to her rescue.

"Excuse me, madam. I do hate to interrupt you, but I need my wife urgently. I am afraid the matter cannot wait"

The young girl did not look phased by this news. She nodded, smiling.

"But of course, we shall continue our conversation when she returns"

"Forgive me" Jane said, curtsying to her, before being lead away by her husband.

"My goodness Edward, I have never been so happy to see you before in all of my life. What can I possibly do to make this up to you-"

"Jane, go inside. Now"

"Excuse me"

"Inside. Now. Do not argue with me, just go"

"No" protested Jane, speaking firmly but low. She dropped her hand from her husbands. They were still surrounded by people, and she did not wish to draw attention.

"Jane" he said, anger bubbling up to his features, "Now is not the time to disobey me. Go inside before I drag you inside myself"

His tone was as jarring as being plunged into a frozen lake. This too felt like she was left gasping for air, shock filling her system and water filling her lungs. She was so hurt, so confused that she did not even know what to say. Without another look or word, she marched off towards the house, hoping that no one followed behind her. And no one did. When she reached the doors of the house she stepped inside, pressing her back against a wall and sighing deeply.

"Mr Rochester told you too then?" a voice asked.

Turning, Jane saw Anne standing by the staircase. If Anne had heard the way he spoke to her, she could not understand the sympathetic look on her face.

"Told me what?"

"That Mr Franklin is here. He just arrived"

Jane's heart plummeted.

"He is here? Now?"

"He arrived but a minute ago, as a guest of Lord Marcus, whoever that is. I know the name but I do not know the face"

But Jane had stopped listening. A million concerns flooded her mind. Edwards fury was so intense the last time he saw him, it was sure to be increased ten fold now, for he had the nerve to show up after what he had done and came on Diana's wedding day. Jane was sure if Edward could not find a weapon close at hand he would surely be okay with his fists.

"But Anne- Edward, last time he was here- I do not know what he would do-"

At that moment the door was opened and Diana stepped inside, looking confused and a little ruffled. Jane realised that it was the first time she had been able to speak to her since the wedding had happened.

"Ladies, what is it? The Captain just told me to come in here, and told me not to come out until someone came to get us. The three of us in here, surely we will be missed. We will draw attention being in his house. What has happened?"

"The Captain's brother has arrived" Anne said, grimly.

The door opened again and Mary stepped inside, looking equally confused. She relayed the newest of what she had seen, saying Eshton sent her inside, and Blanche was scanning the crowd, looking for Jane and asking people where she had went.

"That evil woman" Anne said, moving into the sitting room and staring out of the window.

"Anne, come away from the window" Diana called, "We cannot have her watching you, knowing you are hiding inside"

"She can look at me if she wants. I am now allowing her to think she walked all over me, for I am not hiding inside, I am being cautious. What a hateful woman"

"Jane, what is the matter?" Mary asked, eyeing Jane's face.

"It is Edward. I do not trust him. He was so furious with Franklin last time he saw him that I thought he may kill him"

"Mr Eshton too", Anne said, twisting her fingers nervously. "He spoke of it for days after. Goodness, I hope they do not do anything foolish"

"John" Jane called, catching sight of him passing by in the hall as he walked with a tray of drink. "John, I am so sorry to disturb you. It is Mr. Rochester, and Mr Eshton. Mr. Franklin has just arrived at the wedding, and I am worried that Mr Rochester will do something brash"

"Mr Franklin!" John asked, incredulously. "Back at my mistresses house? I will send two boys immediately to search for master, m'lady".

"Thank you John" Jane said, nodding encouragingly, more so to herself than anyone else.

. . . . . . . . . . .

Within twenty or so minutes, Captain Franklin returned to get Jane, Anne, Diana and Mary. The other women were satisfactorily accepting of what had occoured- that Mr Franklin was spotted and sought out, removed and all continued without any notice from the gathered group. The Captain and Diana walked ahead, back into the glittering summer sun and spoke lowly to one another until something he said caused Diana to slip her hand from his, nodding. She walked ahead with her sister, and the Captain hung back to wait for Jane to meet him.

"Once again, Ms Rochester, I find I am apologising to you on behalf of my brothers appearance here"

"Captain, please. I do not blame you for your brothers behaviour or conduct. In fact, I know why he is here, and that gives me _someone_ to be far more angry at, if I chose to be".

Jane thought fleetingly of Blanche, searching the crowd for her desperately.

He shifted on his feet uncomfortably before stopping completely, dropping any sort of formality. Jane appreciated this, for the plainness with which he spoke suited her far better than stiff manners.

"Jane, I must be honest with you. T he news of what happened here with you and my brother spread, no doubt by his own hand. Luckily, the story has so many different variations, all of which paint my disgraceful brother in the light he deserves, that people do not even care of the story anymore for they know its truth is much affected".

In her mind, Jane also thought that perhaps people did not care because the abuse of women in such a way was such a common occurrence, especially within marriage, it was not of interest to people anymore. The only thing that may have been of interest to those hearing the story was Jane's rank and marriage.

"Just please tell me, what did my husband do?"

"He did nothing" Captain Franklin said, plainly. "I was sure he was going to say something, but he did not- despite the fact that he would have been within his right to do so. He would even have been within his right to end the whole wedding party at that moment. But he merely spoke to the carriage driver of where to bring my brother, spoke to Lord and Lady Marcus who then swiftly departed, and returned to mingling among the crowd"

"I see" Jane spoke calmly- her voice not mirroring what she truly felt. "Thank you Captain. I am sorry on your wedding day-"

"No, please do not. Let us not worry of this so that is ruins the day. Let us celebrate"

Jane smiled at him, "Of course, we must. For it is an absolutely wonderful day".

. . . . . .

In truth, however, the rest of the day was ruined for Jane.

The situation of Mr Franklin's arrival, the stuffing of herself, Anne, Diana and Mary into her own home, and above all, the commanding tone of her husband played over and over in her head as she continued to speak with different people at the celebration. She could sense her husband trying to catch her eye many times, but Jane would not give him the satisfaction of a look. He appeared sheepish, and perhaps guilty, though Jane knew him well enough to know that he would not give a simple apology and be done with it. She wished to punish him, wished to delay their contact with one another for as long as possible- wished him to know how much he hurt her.

Feeling frustrated, rather drained from all the talking, and overheated, Jane moved towards a secluded wooded area close to where people were gathered, but far enough away so that the loud laughter was muffled, and seemed far away. Here, under a large tree which provided wonderful shade, there was a bench that Jane and Edward often sat in during the nights. Pushing off these frustratingly fond memories, Jane sat, sighing deeply.

"Hello" called a soft voice.

Jane looked up. She had been too focused on her own thoughts to notice a woman who sat across from her. The woman was not anyone Jane recognised, and was certainly not someone that Jane had been introduced to at the party. The woman had very long blonde hair that was wavy, half pulled back into a stylised ponytail, but the other half fallen out by this point. She smiled, an odd lopsided smile which made one side of her face look far fuller than the other; Even when she did not smile, this impression of a disproportionate face did not go away. Her face was very pale, with a very attractive natural blush to her cheeks, her eyebrows fair, and blonde. The most striking feature were her big blue eyes, which were large- almost too large for her face. Thick lashes that made her eyes look heavy, and sleepy, yet this did not take away from the sheer amount her eyes took up of her face. Her dress too was unusual, white and celestrail, rather young in style for a woman of her age. Her whole appearance gave Jane the impression of a displaced angel from a classical work of art, dropped into reality, and waiting for Jane under this tree.

"Hello" Jane responded, "I'm sorry. I did not see you there before"

"That is alright. You are Ms Rochester, hostess of the party. You must be tired. I would not blame you if you could not see a thing for the rest of the day"

"Jane- my name's Jane. And you are right, frankly, I feel a little overwhelmed"

It was perhaps not proper to release such information, and not to such a newly acquainted person, but the woman stared back at her with a knowing, non-judgemental look that gave Jane the impression she did not think her honesty improper.

"You deserve a break, that is what I am doing under this tree too. The wind is my only friend here, I can hear it occasionally when the breeze blows through the trees"

Her voice was airy, and lofty. It was not high pitched, and it was not low pitched. It was simply musical, and immaterial.

"I'm sorry, I do not know your name"

"I am Rose, Rose Blooming"

Jane smiled,

"Your name is beautiful. How fitting for a Rose"

The woman smiled,

"My family name was Buckingham, but I must admit, my married name suits me far better"

"Ah, you are married"

"Yes, for eight years now"

This surprised Jane. She thought this woman to be her age, or perhaps a little bit older. She did not have time, however, to try and calculate the woman's age for she answered in the form of speaking out loud, rather to herself.

"Imagine, I was married at 15. What a young girl I was then-"

She looked at Jane's stomach,

"I gave birth to my first child at 16 too"

"Did you?"

"Yes, but she died before she had a chance to live"

"I am sorry, truly. What a horrible experience".

The woman smiled again, looking unburdened.

"Thank you, Jane. I have had no children since, but I remain hopeful. That is what matters. If you'll excuse me, I must go find mt husband".

And without another word, without waiting a beat to rise and move, she was gone- vanished from view.

. . . . . .

The afternoon turned into evening, and still Jane thought of Rose Blooming. How strange the encounter was- how odd Ms Blooming was. It may as well not have even happened, she came and went so quickly. She seemed to be so untouched by expectation and custom. What a rare quality in a person.

As afternoon turned into evening, the crowd of people gathered thinned substantially. At one moment there was people, and the next moment, there were none. Jane, Mary, Anne, Mr Eshton, and Mr Rochester stood around the carriage of Diana and the Captain, all wishing to big them farewell. Their honeymoon would not be to the seaside, but the location was a surprise to Diana- who still looked dazzled by the attention shown to her, even as just her friends stood gathered around her.

With a tearful, but happy goodbye, Diana and Mr Eshton loaded themselves into the carriage and set off, towards the sun which was glowing bright in the lowering sun.

Mary turned to Jane as they made their way towards the house, smiling sadly.

"It is so strange. We have been together always- and now we shall be together no more"

Jane nodded, taking her arm reassuringly.

"I know I could tell you that you still are together as sisters, but I know that is not what you mean. I know you mean the intimidation of now living alone, without her"

Mary sighed, "Indeed, I only wish that we both could have been married at the same time- so that no one would have to endure this period of adjustment as I do now".

"But surely, when you return to your normal routine you shall feel better? There shall be more to keep you busy, and your mind will be occupied. You will not feel as you do now- that you do not have a place"

Even if Mary did not believe her words, Jane had much experience dealing with loneliness, and feeling like you did not have a place. She felt it constantly as a governess, never quite accepted among the servants, but never being part of a family either. It had been incredibly lonely at times.

"Yes, I think you are right. For now, my imagination runs wild with worried"

"Then you must get some rest, for everything looks better in the morning. It has been a long day for us all"

"Jane, you have a way of making me feel better- truly better. Not just for an instant, and not just by filling me with words that are untrue".

Jane shrugged, smiling slightly.

"I have experience of feeling alone" she reminded her, "Before I meet you and Diana, I had no one".

"But now we shall always have each other" Mary promised, rubbing her friends arm.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Upstairs, Jane sat in her bedroom, dressing for bed. She had exhausted herself trying to remove her clothes by herself, for she had refused her husbands help. He sat in bed, looking as if he was reading a book, but in truth was watching Jane over the rim of the novel.

Finally, when she was in the nightgown she took her hair down, brushing through it slowly, ignoring her husbands unwavering gaze.

"Will you not talk to me?"

"I did not know you wished to" replied Jane, "You have said nothing before now"

"Do not play with me, Jane. Do not pretend that you do not know me"

Jane wheeled around, looking at her husband. He did not lower the book he pretended was his reason for facing her direction, but he no longer pretended to look at it.

"Edward, the way you acted today makes me feel as I do not know you at all".

He rolled his eyes, throwing the book down beside him.

"Jane, you cannot still be upset over that? That was hours ago, and you know why it was done- for your own safety"

"I know why it was done, yes. But not because of you- not because you told me so, and not because you are my husband who claims his motive was my safety. No. Instead of confiding in me, being honest with me, you threatened me- threatened to drag me inside the house if I did not listen to you. As if I could not look after myself, as if my own feelings do not matter. As if I am some animal that you can command, and order about when you wish to"

Edward rose from the bed as Jane knew he would. He flung back the sheets and was on his feet in an instant- staring at her.

"My only motive is your safety. My only motive is _you._ i did not tell you because i did not want you to become scared, or frightened"

"You have no idea what I would have felt, because you have no idea what he did to me _felt_ like. I could not even confide to you at the time, for I feared you would do something reckless, something brash. I could not have that stress on me as well, so I buried what I felt- pretended that what I felt would pass. How dare you assume what I would have felt like if you had told me. Your distrust hurts more than anything anyone else could ever do to me".

The silence which fell over the room was deafening.

Without another word, Edward turned on the spot and was gone.


	88. Chapter 88

Jane opened her eyes for the hundredth time, still not asleep, and still not able to settle her mind.

Hours had passed. Long, agonising hours of silence had passed without the prospect of Edward coming through the bedroom door, slipping into bed silently, and falling asleep. She was no longer looking for any grand apology, and certainly wanted no dramatic scene. Jane did not even care anymore if they did not talk tonight, but she could not handle the thought that he was somewhere else in the house, probably thinking ill of her and of how she had acted.

Still, Jane knew she had done nothing wrong, and she was not willing to leave her room and go in search of him just to ease her own mind. Perhaps her yelling and her tone with which she spoke to him was wrong, and perhaps her unreasonable wish to ignore anything he said was unkind, but she was not wrong to be angry and hurt. Images of Franklin flashed across her mind and anger flooded her system as she was reminded of being pushed into her home like a child, locked away for doing something naughty. Did she not have a right to face him? To not appear to be afraid of him? To not give him power over her?

More time passed, and Jane finally admitted to herself that she was not going to fall asleep while so many thoughts and feelings ran through her mind. She got out of bed, and moved over to the fire, which was now reduced to only embers and ash. She took some wood from the box beside the hearth and threw in two pieces which caught immediately. A fire blazed once again, and the sight, smell, and warmth of it momentarily took away her negative thoughts.

Jane's hands found her baby bump as they so often did these days and smoothed her stomach thoughtlessly. For the first time a terrible thought occurred to her. Was this the way it would be for their child now? It's mother and father fighting? Perhaps not be all of the time, but enough of the timet to make it a trait which defined their family life. Jane starred into the fire unseeingly, wrapping her blanket closer around herself.

Was this what marriage is reduced to in the end? If so, she did not want to fathom the future for much long. Could it really be true that understanding, patient love only last so long? Did every marriage have a clock set on when the sense of partnership expires? Had they reached that point? Jane and the man she loved in the same way she loved herself.

It was absurd, jumping to these extreme conclusions over one fight, but in truth, Jane was not used to the unfamiliar feeling the fight left her with. They generally did not fight, and they had never remained mad at each other for this long. Never had Jane gotten into bed angry and been unsure whether or not her husband would shake her away during the night to talk. He always had.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Some time before the sun rose, there was the lightest touch on the door and it opened. Directly from the door you could see the bed, but not the fireplace which was off to the left hand side. Edward, in seeing that Jane was not in bed, stepped quickly into the room. When his eyes located her, he could see that she looked worn, weary and unhappy. She was wrapped in his old, large and warm robe which still engulfed her, despite her now being triple her normal size, curled up in her characteristic armchair.

Jane turned to face him and so he could see her eyes were slightly red, and practically brimming with tears, though she had not been crying.

"Where have you been?" she asked, slightly defensively. Tears had risen to her eyes upon hearing the door creak open.

"My study" he responded, gravely.

When she did not object to him moving beside her, he sat down in his armchair- not taking his eyes of of her.

"You've gotten no sleep either" Jane commented slowly, grabbing his chin and moving his face gently, "Your eyes have quite dark circles"

He nodded, but he did not really care what he looked like. What he looked like was surely secondary to what he felt.

"Edward, we do not need to talk right now" Jane stated, defeated. "We can just sleep until tomorrow, and talk then"

He paused, "Is that what you would like to do?"

"No, not really" she replied, softly.

Again, silence fell between the two, but neither had a particular desire to fill it quickly. They knew each other too well and too long now to mistake the silence for anything else besides what it was. Jane knew that if she spoke she would be asked to fall silent again, for the blame of this fight was with him and he knew that. Her speaking first, trying to heal the wound, only would have hurt more. So she looked at him, surveying his face.

"Don't Jane" he said, "Stop looking at me in that way"

"I look at you. It is in no particular way"

He moved his fingers back and forth over his knuckles, already clearly focusing on another thought. He sighed, closing his eyes before he spoke. His voice was low, and constricted.

"I came up here so that you could sleep. I did not come because I knew what to say to you, or how to say it"

"Well seeing as you are here now, I suggest you try"

"Try?" he asked, his voice rising, "Try? _Try_ to tell my wife how sorry I am for her being tormented and haunted by a memory of violence that I have made her too weary of speaking to me about? _Try_ to reconcile that in my own mind? _Try_ to find words that cannot come close to encapsulating how sorry that makes me feel? I know it is outside of your depths to know what such a thing could feel like Jane, but it is not for me"

"Edward-"

"No, Jane. I do not need your sympathy and comfort-"

"Excuse me" Jane commanded, firmly but not unkindly. "but you were wrong to assume I was trying to give you either of those things. Edward, I trust you. I trust you above everything else. I will listen as many times as you want me to hear your words, until they are right. But please, put me out of my misery, for I cannot reside in my world happily when you are angry with me".

"Jane I'm not-" he began, slightly surprised, but he cut himself off and sighed. "Jane, I am not angry with you. For Christ's sake, you are everything to me. All of this was my fault. And I am only ashamed with myself that I hurt you".

He reached for her hand, surely seeking the comfort he often did when he took her hand before saying something that was difficult. He did this without thinking and looked surprised that she did not pull away. The feel of his hand was warm and familiar.

"Please, forgive me" he said, his voice raw and honest. "Forgive me for treating you like less than you are. Forgive me from trying to shelter you from your own experience. And forgive me, above all, for not being a husband to you when you needed me most, and for leaving you to carry a burden that was not yours to begin with, and certainly not yours to walk with alone".

Jane looked at him, and her heart seemed to close over as if the two broken pieces were pulled back together with magnets and sealed instantly.

"Jane I, I tried so much to shelter you from Franklin because I was the reason in the first place he attacked you, and I could not bare the thought of that happening again in my presence. Such a reason was selfish, and I'm sorry. I know that before we meet, and certainly before we married, you possessed all the strength you hold now, and you moved through the world without me, and you did not need me to be your protector. But I am your husband, and it is in my nature to be protective of the things I love".

"But I do need you" Jane interjected, "I need you now more than ever, because I have woven you into my life as my partner. I did not know what that was before I meet you, but now I need it."

"Then forgive me, please. For I did not treat you as my equal, my partner. I treated you far less"

"Forgiven" she said, simply, allowing her thumb to caress the hands which remained entwined with one another.

"And that is all?" he asked, "I am simply forgiven?"

Jane nodded, "There is nothing to forgive. The punishment you would place on yourself is far more severe than anything I could impart onto you. I know that you felt your actions were wrong as soon as you did them. I just needed to hear it- I do not want to torture you, and I do not want to fight"

Edward pulled Jane gently onto her feet and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him and kissing her temple, his eyes closed. Jane moved into his frame, wrapping her arms around him in an intimate hug.

"My darling I am so sorry"

"I know you are" she said, moving into him closer. He smiled at his action, kissing her neck. His arms were strong, and protective, and Jane could not deny how much she loved him in that moment. As much as he owed her the apology he gave, she had become increasingly aware of how few men would have actually apologised to their wives. He had never done things the conventional way, he had done what was best for their marriage, and that meant everything to her.

. . .

Jane got into bed as Edward undressed and washed his face. Finding a comfortable way to sleep was becoming harder and harder, and she spent much of her time now in bed trying to locate that spot. Edward was already in bed beside her, eyes closed, when she was still tossing and turning.

"I think I'm too warm" Jane said, pulling herself into a seated position with some effort.

Edward looked at her before closing his eyes again.

"Then don't wear your nightdress" he said, simply.

Jane pulled it off over her head and felt instantly better. She wished she could remain like this, outside of the blankets the whole night, with just the breeze from the window touching her body. But then Jane thought again, and perhaps felt the opposite? Now the breeze was too cold, and she could feel goose pimples coming out over her arms. She lay back in bed, covering herself up in the blankets. But she did not heat up, she remained cold, and now her joints and bones ached with it.

"Now I am cold" Jane said to her husband, as if it was his fault for suggesting to remove the nightgown. "And I have thrown my nightgown away"

He grinned without opening his eyes, opening his arms to her.

"Well, luckily for you, I am very warm"

Jane wasted no time in cuddling into his side. He was right.

Silence fell over them as Jane looked over her husbands shoulder towards the window. The sun was just starting to rise now, and Jane wished she would have the strength to stay awake and watch it. Dawn was far better than dusk, in her opinion.

Jane felt Edwards hand in the small of her back, massaging it lightly. This sign of affection made he want to bury her face into his chest.

"Jane" he said, softly, perhaps wondering if she was still awake.

"Mhm?"

"Tomorrow, if you like, I want to hear what you thought you could not tell me before of Franklin. If indeed your mind is burdened, and your heart is heavy, let me take that from you. Let it be mine to carry- not yours alone"

"I should like that very much" Jane said, pulling back to look at her husband, "But you're right, tomorrow. For I am too tired now"

Edward bent down and kissed Jane's large stomach, placing his hands on her intimately.

"I am sorry little one, for keeping your mother awake. I love her, very very much".

Jane smiled at the stark contrast of his masculinity and his gentle, loving touch. She pulled him up to her face and was soon kissing him as she had wished to do all day.

Need, and desire, and want and love all rushed through Jane like a broken damn, and she did not feel tired any longer. The day had caused her so much stress and worry, and the one thing she counted on to help her through it was her husband, but after avoiding his gaze all day, and staying up all night waiting for him to return, his renewed presence made her heart soar. Surely there was never a woman alive who loved her husband as much as she loved hers. But it had stopped as suddenly as it has started and Jane could not help herself from letting out a disappointed moan. Edward looked at her with an mixed expression of being unsatisfied and slightly apologetic as he leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead.

This did not subdue the panging in Jane's stomach or chest.

Her expression must have given away her thoughts for Edward sighed and caressed her cheek.

"I dare not do more, my love. You will think I am trying- what was the word you used? Apologetic lovemaking. I do not wish to fight in order to make love to you afterwards. Besides, you should sleep, look at the rising sun"

"Mmm" Jane said softly, thinking.

Edward looked unsettled as he observed the disappointment on Jane's face before he broke into a knowing, radiant smile. He bit his bottom lip and turned back to Jane, moving a curl away from her face.

"Where is my beautiful wife who tells me what she wants?" he asked, moving her arms above her head and pinning them there as he teasingly brushed his lips against hers. This sent shudders through Jane, the flame once again burning within her and threatening to overtake her without her consent.

"Edward?"

She beamed, and could not help herself.

"Yes Jane?"

"I would like you to do whatever you want with me"

He raised his eyebrow at her,

"Would you indeed. This is indeed a dangerous proposition?"

"Yes"

He moved over her more closely now, speaking quite low.

"Then, I would like you to remain very quiet, and very still"

"No" Jane protested, trying to sit up. "No, this is not about torturing me. This is about you making up this day to me"

"Ah so this is apologetic sex then"

Jane looked disapprovingly at him, but could not help the small smile that crept over her face.

"You must be quiet, Jane Rochester..." he began, kissing her neck sensually" ..because we have guests staying in the very next room and your usual cries of pleasure are sure to rouse them from sleep and they will think some wild beast has climbed through the window and savaged you"

"I'm sure that is the first thing that they will think over suspecting you" Jane said as Edward lifted his hands from Jane's arms that were still drawn over her head.

"And you must be still.." he continued, drawing back the sheet and pulling off his own shirt, "Because I want to slowly make love to you until you are begging me"

"There is no need for that, you are torturing me now"

As his lips meet hers again, Jane could not contain her beating heart, nor her pounding head. She wondered if he could hear it too, and if she gave her own desperate want of him away too easily. His hands found her hips as his lips moved down her body. Her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, between her breasts and suddenly around the soft peaks of her breasts. Jane sighed heavily as he sucked, lightly at first, then with some force. Her head spun wildly with the feel of his tongue, and she threw her head back into the pillow, grasping his arm mindlessly. She could feel it coming, feel it building inside of her, clasping at her lungs and chest. Jane pulled up quickly and Edward drew back to look questionally at her.

"Darling, what is wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong" Jane breathed. She looked into his eyes for a few seconds before she turned away to respond. "I am going to come too quickly, and it is embarrassing. I am supposed to be mad at you"

Edward laughed heartily into Jane's shoulder, shaking in an effort to silently contain it. Jane smiled too, burring her face in him.

"Well Jane, it is not as if your record is only being able to once. I must say, it is a good thing indeed to know that anger towards me is a turn on. My goodness, is that blush in your cheeks?"

Jane pushed him back onto the bed, straddling him and pinning him down by the chest with her hand.

"Perhaps, which I think you shall have to pay for"

They grinned at one another as Jane pressed her lips to his, feeling his warm hands on her hips. Edward sat up with Jane still straddling him so that he could turn her gently and support her as he lay her back down on the bed.

As she had progressed in her pregnancy, Jane had experienced complications with sex. Though her desire did not change, her mobility and ability to participate had changed. At first she had worried of her husbands reception to this, but was relieved to find that he was patient and gentle with her, wanting her to be comfortable and at ease.

"Do not wait any longer" Jane said, "Not tonight"

He obliged her, moving above her and positioning himself to enter her. This position had always worked for them, but as he moved within her, Jane felt a sharp pain shoot through her spine and travel through each nerve of her whole body.

Jane cried out in pain, and Edward looked horrified. The cry of pain was foreign, even to Jane. The pain was gone as soon as it had come, but still her breath was heavy, and her husband looked down upon her, his eyes wide.

"It is okay" Jane assured him, putting her hand on his chest, "I'm okay"

"Jane you are not-"

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to frighten you".

"That is enough for tonight" Edward decided, drawing her up again before him.

"I am not in pain anymore" Jane assured him, "Be patient with me, please. I know that lovemaking is harder since I've been pregnant, but I want you as much as I ever have, and it hurts to not have you, far more than that pain I have just experienced. I know things may be different for you, but nothing has changed for me-"

"Jane, you have to know that what you say is impossible. To even conceive that I desire you less now that you are pregnant? Or that I have less patience for you? I am just terrified of hurting you, or our child. I do not mind waiting until our child comes".

"One more chance" Jane said, "One more and then if I am still in pain, we will wait"

Edward looked around the room and suddenly lifted Jane into his arms, carrying her to the long and wide table in the bedroom by the fireplace. The table was perfectly at his waist height, and the hard surface, unlike the bed, allowed him much more control with her. He lay her down gently,

"I think this will be better. But you must tell me immediately if you are uncomfortable"

He pressed his lips gently to Jane's and she kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck easily. She felt his hand move slowly up her leg, his fingers brushing her leg lightly until they reached her most intimate area which quivered under his touch. Jane closed her eyes, forcing her head back. He knew her so well, for within seconds she was arching into his touch, shuddering beneath him as he drew her face back to his and stared deeply into her eyes. Jane could not muster a sentence, but she tried to convey with her eyes what she felt in her heart.

And soon, bringing her to the edge of the table, he kissed his way down across her large stomach, and knelt down before her and spread her legs slightly so that his tongue could slip between her already wet folds. Jane gasped slightly, her voice hitching in her throat and her breath becoming caught in her lung. Her mind became simultaneously heavy and weightless, she could think of nothing else besides how happy she felt. She could not even think of her husband, and what he was doing to her.

He put one hand on her stomach as she moaned into her fist.

She ran her fingers through his hair thoughtlessly, wanting to touch some part of him but not having the strength to look at him. The ceiling was blurred in between the flashes of sight she could make it. As she felt the wall of pleasure smash into her and flow over her like being submerged in water, she arched her back, pushing on his head to move him away. It was all too much, she could not feel all this at once.

At the feel of her curling up, Edward put his hands over hers on his head and steadied her. He did not lift his head, he only ran his fingers over hers reassuringly. As she relaxed, he pulled back and looked seriously into her face. Jane reached for his hand and held it over her heart as her breathing normalised.

Edward kissed Jane's lips, holding her chin between his thumb and finger. He moved over her once again and entered her slowly. This time she felt a slight tenderness from the previous pain, but he felt good. The pang was momentarily soothed, and her heart leapt with joy.

"Alright?"

"Alright"

And together they moved, slowly at first, and then faster. Jane could feel herself climaxing again, felt her muscles contract and relax, felt her head spin and then felt her heart soar at the sound of her husbands deep groans beneath her. And then the moment of perfect bliss broke around her and Jane was filled with an intense awareness of her and Edward, together, as one.


	89. Chapter 89

The following morning came all too quickly, yet Jane rose and dressed, determined to see their guests off and thank them for all they had done to help out. Although she was not tired of the guests that had come to stay, she was eager to have some time alone in the house. Jane knew that her own mental soundness required time to reflect, and to be silent with herself. With so much going on lately, she had hardly had time to sit down, let alone reflect.

Lord and Lady Franklin departed before breakfast, claiming their presence was immediately needed in London. Jane thought it much more likely that now the wedding was over, they feared that Edward would confront them about their sons unexpected arrival at the reception the previous day. However, they were waved off without complication, and Lady Franklin told Jane she was sorry that she would not be present at every social party with Diana. The kind sentiment left Jane confused, but oddly flattered.

Much of the breakfast conversation was taken up by Anne and Mary, who were eagerly trying to guess what Diana and the Captain were planning on doing in their first days of married life. Edward sent Jane a slightly amused look over the table as the girls spoke of going to see plays and be seen together at assemblies. Jane knew his mind was mulling over what they had done in their first days of marriage, and in truth their priority had not been to be shown as a new couple. The focus of conversation then shifted to the women talking amongst each other while Eshton told Rochester eagerly of his new plans for an experiment he planned to start as soon as he arrived home. Jane thought she saw Anne looking regretfully at her husband, momentarily hurt by his words, before she turned back to Mary.

When it came time to depart, the group all stepped into the cloudy, cold day and bid each other fair well. Jane felt a sort of sadness for Anne in thinking she would return to her large house, which did not complement her naturally social and communicative nature. It was a silent house, and a cold one, despite the warm people who lived there. Anne suggested that soon Edward and Jane come for a visit, but Mr Eshton immediately pointed out that Jane was to give birth soon and they would have no time for things as silly as house visits. Though it was meant in jest, Anne looked dejected.

"Of course" she had said, looking embarrassed, "How thoughtless of me".

As the Eshtons said their goodbye's to Mr Rochester, Jane turned to Mary, who looked complacent. Jane's smile fell, and she turned towards her cousin quietly.

"You are not worried, Mary, of the future?" Jane asked, knowingly, "You know that Edward and I are your family now too, and you shall never want for anything"

"Of course I do, Jane" she said kindly, putting her hand over Jane's, which clutched her arm reassuringly. "It is only that never before in my life have I been alone- truly alone. Diana shall never return to me, and things will never be as they were before. Though I am incredibly happy for her, I feel guilty in wishing things could always remain the same".

"You are not wrong, Mary, to wish for comfort and familiarity. But your own life plan will unfold as it is meant to unfold, and you must be patient until it comes"

"Until my own happiness comes?" Mary asked, sunken.

"No" Jane said softly, "Until it all comes. The good and the bad. We must wish for a full life, not an easy one".

. . .

That afternoon found Jane alone in the gardens, taking a long walk. She was in no rush, for she was eager to see all the flowers and trees that had grown in during the last few sunny, warm days. The world was practically waiting to burst into summer.

Having made her way through most of the garden, Jane found the stump of an old oak tree on which to sit, and take a breather for a moment. The day had cooled even further, but the breeze was not uncomfortable, rather it was refreshing. Jane closed her eyes and listened to the swaying grass and the wind move through the trees. How wonderful it sounded.

Jane thought over much that afternoon- much that had threatened to overtake her over the last little while. She was forced to admit, alone amongst the trees and the plants and the flowers that she was equally excited and frightened for the days to come. Now, more than ever, Jane felt unequipped to be a mother. Was it not only three years ago she sat in Lowood, dreaming of the day when her life would change, and providence would shine upon her face? She remembered in her fervent prayers even wanting just one wish to come true, no matter how small, so she knew that a power lived outside of herself. She needed to know, in those days, that she was not alone. And the prayer had been answered, ten fold over what she would have been contented with. Her life was starting to feel like hers now, and in her silent moments she was starting to question less the authenticity of her own reality. If some divine spirit had granted her more happiness than she could have ever imagined having, then she was set on not wasting it wondering if it was real, or if it all had been some horrible mistake.

At times, Jane felt haunted by the ghosts of her past. Not physical ghosts, but that of old feelings, and old familarities that reminded her so much of who she once was. As she sat on the stump, her eyes drifted to the visible rings of it, made clear by the forester who had cut down the tree which was at one time surely beautiful. She had seen these sorts of rings only once before. Years ago, she had walked through the grounds of Thornfield hall and walked to find the tree Adele had told her had been struck with lightening the previous night. The tree had been split, and the gardener had cut it away, revealing very similar rings to these. The thought made Jane smile, for at that time she had been intrigued by them too.

It felt so long ago, but was it? Not really...not when she thought about it.

When the wind had turned colder, and the warm and sunny day had fallen into cloudy sheets covering over grey sky, Jane walked back towards the house. Walking back, she was painfully aware of how alone she was and she unwillingly thought of Franklin, and of the vile, repulsive way he had sprung himself upon her on a day just like this. Her heart felt slightly heavier at that thought, at the thought of his face. Jane had felt guilty for the way she had told her husband that she felt she could not talk to him, and was still carrying many feelings towards Franklin on her own. But, at the same time, to get it off her chest had been a relief. Having him know was a comfort to her, for she knew he would not let her suffer alone. She even looked forward to speaking to him, to sharing that sacred bond of trust with him, of being given the support she needed in order to heal, and put him out of her mind.

She passed in front of the old and poorly kept gate which marked the end of her houses property. This gate was far beyond where anyone would ever see, unless they walked past the full length of the immaculately kept gardens. Jane pushed the latch of the gate apart, even though it did not fully hold the gate together when it was closed. It was hard to manoeuvre, but she latched it again behind her in spite of its ineffectiveness. She felt she owed it that. It was an old habit, and she kept the gate out of a wish to remember the people who had lived in the house before her. At times, she felt her own sentimentality was silly. She could not blame this strange attachment on her pregnancy because she had asked for the gate to be kept long ago, when they had just moved in and the gardener had suggested tearing it down. When Edward had asked her later that night after speaking to the gardener why she wanted to keep it, Jane replied that somebody had once built it, and been proud of the way it was, and opened and closed it as they moved through their life as she did. The sentiment made her husband laugh, but he did not object, and he did not grant the gardener permission to tear down the gate in spite of Jane's wishes.

. . . . . .

Edward was waiting back at the house for Jane. He did not accompany her on her walk for he wanted to give her space and time to think. Jane knew he was waiting to speak with her about Franklin, and that nothing else would matter to him until such happened. When she pushed opened the sitting room door, she found him standing inside, leaned against the fireplace, his arm on the mantle, the other on his hip. He was deep in thought.

He brought his face around to Jane, looking warmly at her as he approached.

"Was it a nice walk?"

"Very nice, but rather chilly now, I'm afraid"

"Which is why Ron has been kind enough to light us this fire" he said, sitting down on the sofa in front of it. The hearth was enormous in this room, and Jane wondered if he chose to speak here because she loved it in particular.

Jane sat beside her husband, pushed her back against the arm of the couch and stretched out her legs, lifting them over her husbands legs so that her feet could nestle into the other side of the couch, between the cushions. She never would have sat this way had there been the possibility of someone entering. But Jane suspected her husband asked that they not be disturbed. It was one of Edwards most wonderful qualities, that such a thing never would have come to his mind as something unladylike. It made her comfortable, and that was what mattered.

He waited for her to speak, and Jane searched hard for words that did not come. She looked into Edward's face, sighing.

"I do not know that I will be able to find the words"

"Yes you will. You already have the words. It is only me"

Jane's heart warmed slightly. His confidence gave her fresh courage.

"Edward, at first I thought that the initial shock of the event had simply not worn off. When I lay in bed that night, I was tormented by reminders of what had happened, the feelings of what others must suffer who go through far worse, and I attributed it to- well, I do not know what I attributed it to. I woke the next morning still feeling like a lead weight was pressing on my chest and felt immense guilt. Nothing, in reality had actually happened. It was the thought of what _could_ have happened, and what he _wanted_ to happen. But I did not wish to afflict anyone. I felt silly myself, even though I was sure you would not think me so. Besides, there was a wedding to finish planning, Franklin's parents were staying in our home, and I did not want to take away from the excitement of the upcoming days. I pushed all feelings to the side and decided to put my focus into something else. But all these feelings just bubbled beneath the surface- they affected me far more afterwards than if I had simply told you when I first felt it. During the wedding, I felt so on edge and angry at myself that I could not fully appreciate the day that was not meant to be about me. I did not feel that I had a real reason to be so upset, which only made me feel more guilty. I was determined that he should have no more claim or power over my life. Then Franklin arrived, and my new wish to conquer any fear of him was dashed as I was sent inside, unable to defend myself and unable to address any of what I was feeling. I think, perhaps, it was the right place for me, for I do not know what I would have said. Still, anger and pain and confusion all came to a breaking point when I was told I could not confront something I did not have the ability to face alone, and I took it out on you. I told you of my pain in an unfair way, knowing that me hiding this from you would hurt you very deeply. I am so sorry. I should have told you, I should have told you from the start. I ask you for honesty in all things, yet I cannot keep up my own end of my condition for marriage".

All of her thoughts had flowed from her without thought and without effort. What a relief for him to know. It made every difference in the world to have someone to tell who did not scold her, who did not look sympathetic, who did not look mad, or pitying or proud, or happy she had told him. Her husband's face just looked intently, and then spoke.

"Jane, this was not meant to be about me. Do not apologise for having wished you told me, for my sake. Our condition for marriage is honesty, but sometimes it takes us a while to reach a place of honesty with ourselves. You are honest now, that is more than enough".

Jane nodded, her eyes burning with rising tears. As they fell slowly from her eyes she was thankful he did not pull her into an embrace, or kiss her. He merely placed his hand on her knee, and waited for her to reach for his hand.

"It was not your fault, Jane. I am so sorry that someone of your great love had to suffer such an act of hate. But look at me- no, do not turn away, this is important"

Jane looked back at him, breathing deeply. Another tear fell onto her face.

"You do not need to burden yourself with his actions. Jane, you are the strongest person I know. You face every challenge with such a fierce wish to do right, and to rise above what is wrong. Do not push away that strength now, do not make yourself believe that you do not deserve your own kindness".

Jane's fingers hooked tightly around the top of Edward's fingers. She did not notice how much she had been nervously playing with them as he spoke.

"Thank you" Jane said, feeling the air trapped in her chest release slowly. She was quite unable to say anything else. To confide in him meant everything. To feel his unwavering support meant everything. To feel his thumb moving over her hand meant everything.


	90. Chapter 90

Hello all,

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all your words of encouragement. They really help me to feel empowered as a writer, and I am beyond thankful. I have a question for you though! Would you rather more time between chapters, but have them be longer? Or more frequent, smaller chapters? I am up for suggestions.

I hope everyone had a beautiful end of summer. Hope you are well. Would **love** to hear from you, xoxoxox

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Dinner was announced some time later, and Jane smiled at the sight of only two place settings laid. Only this morning the table had been filled to full capacity, with not a bare inch left on which to lay everything. Now it was smaller, more intimate, and more familiar.

Jane always enjoyed eating with Edward. He was endlessly interesting, and thus always a pleasure to talk to. She loved the way he became enthused as they spoke- the way he swallowed quickly in order to respond to her, or to bring up another topic. That night, they spoke of the events of the last few days, but Jane stopped listening, she just looked at her husband.

"Is it odd that I enjoy the sounds of a quiet house over that of a loud one?"

Edward laughed as he answered, wiping his mouth with a napkin. Jane was reminded of how Lord Franklin had always flourished his napkin in an over the top way as he did the same action. It had made her want to laugh every time, and she dared not look at her husband during his performances at dinner.

"Darling, what would make you ask such a thing?"

"I've just been reflecting on me as a hostess..."

"Jane. No one has ever accused you of wanting to be the sole figure of attention. Parties hosted at your house require you to be such. It is hard to hide when everyone looks to you for guidence"

"I'm serious Edward. And I do not hide at parties"

He sent her a knowing, amused look.

"All woman talk so much of how they enjoy the company of others in their home. It is not that I did not enjoy the people who stayed, for I did. But, at the same time, I am more comfortable with our home like this"

"It is not odd, Jane. Everyone's actions must be guarded when there are guests staying in their home. You are simply not used to that"

Jane slumped back in her chair, arms crossed.

"Now, why do you look like that?"

"Because you did not struggle with it. You glided amongst the guests as if it was the most natural thing in the world"

"You forget the world in which I was raised. That was as much a part of my education as mathematics, or spelling. I do not enjoy it. I am good at it, however. Years of attending parties with unstimulating conversations and no real connections gave me much practice. The prospect of being able to tell you of all my feelings in bed at night helped too, and never before have I experienced that particular side of hosting a group of people in my home. I thought it was quite nice".

Jane smiled at him a little sadly.

"Sometimes I feel quite an ill fit for the roles I must fill"

"That is because you are. You are quite unfit for idle and small conversation, being cold, and being the centre of conversation. And that if all very well, for it is exactly the way I like you".

Jane watched him finish the last few mouthfuls before she opened her mouth.

"Thank you, thank you for all of your support. You helped me a great deal. I could not have managed without you- not for a moment".

"You know Jane, the curious thing is I was told by every single guest to pass on compliments to you of your hosting. I think you ran a smoother ship while me and Eshton were away. Your humility is almost foolish at times".

"If such is true, it is because you gave me confidence when I felt I could not do it. Thank you, very much".

He looked at her, he looked at her so that his rich, dark eyes flooded her senses with warmth and love. Such moments with him could not be recreated, they came from his soul.

"Of course"

Jane spooned a few more mouthfuls of stew into her mouth before laying the spoon down and pushing the bowl away. Edward sized up the contents left.

"Have you had enough to eat? I am sure there is other things in the kitchen if not"

"No, I am very well thank you" Jane replied, wiping her mouth with the napkin, "In fact, I have had quite enough."

"Which was not much" Edward contemplated, eyeing her plate, "Do you feel well?"

"As well as I can. I have a slight headache tonight, but I am sure it will pass soon"

Edward sighed,

"I cannot pretend that another advantage of you giving birth so soon is that you will no longer constantly feel so unwell."

Jane shook her head, smiling appreciatively at her husband.

"I cannot wait to be able to see my feet again, or sit down properly, or lie down properly, or move properly, or not be emotional at every moment of the day. Still, meeting our child will have made it all worth while".

Edward chuckled softly.

"I will miss you being big and round like this."

"Oh, will you indeed?" Jane teased.

"I will"

"And will you miss having to help me out of chairs?" Jane asked, holding out her hands as Edward stood. He took her arm and pulled her lightly to her feet. He put his arm around her shoulders as they left the dining room.

"I will miss being useful to you. In truth, you are far too independent for me to feel like I can give you anything"

He looked at Jane smile, and felt a slight pang of annoyance.

"You laugh at me?"

"No, I laugh because you are sometimes so self deprecating. You talk of my humility, yet you do not see how essential you are to our child's happiness. And to mine".

"Tell me" he said softly, stopping Jane outside of his office, "If your head hurts, shall I stay down here and do some work in here while you try and fall asleep?"

"I am going to get a bath, so I am not going to sleep just yet, but you are still free to wait down here"

"Hey, not if I was getting a show- ouch"

Jane twisted his hand, looking disapprovingly at him.

"Edward, what if a servant had been around to hear?"

"I see no one right now"

"Well I would probably hide too if I heard such a thing"

Edward chuckled as Jane went to ascend the stairs.

"Come back!"

"I am sorry, I must go clean myself. Very important business"

"Fine, but come sit by my fire in the study when you are finished"

. . . . .

Several of the woman servants helped to fill Jane's bath, insisting she did nothing as they filled the tub with buckets of boiling water. Jane always felt so bad letting her servants do work, but as Jane frequently reminded herself, servants worked, and their work was their pride. When a mistress or master denied them of their work, they had no purpose. Jane had experienced such feelings before, and such feelings left one empty, and without a place. So, enjoying the conversation they shared together as worked, Jane was happy.

Once the tub was filled, Jane was left alone. She took off her robe and eyed herself in the mirror. The mirror in the washroom was the only one in which Jane ever really observed herself. She remembered looking in this mirror once, and first realising she was pregnant. How small she had been then, but how powerful the miracle of the child inside her seemed. Now, there was no mistaking her pregnancy. She was huge- big and round from whatever direction you looked. Old and new dark marks stretched over her stomach as the visual reminder of her bodies expansion to make room for the child. Jane thought her breasts looked larger, but then wondered if she only thought this because she knew that is what happened to pregnant women. She laughed to herself as she thought that if they were indeed bigger, Edward surely would have said something.

Jane climbed very carefully into the tub, sinking herself down into the now just warm water. Jane had to admit to herself that one of the luxuries of being a newly wealthy woman she still enjoyed as much as the first time was having the time to take a long bath. She had spent so much of her life bathing occasionally in very cold water that this newly found ability to enjoy cleaning herself was still surprising at times.

Tonight however, Jane was eager to just get into bed and get some sleep. Several nights of disturbed sleep had left Jane more tired than normal, and she needed every ounce of energy she could be given these days. As she went to raise herself from the tub, however, her foot immediately slipped out from underneath her and she just caught herself on the edge of the tub. Heart racing, Jane sighed, looking around. She had heard stories of women slipping as they exited a tub, falling, and losing their children in final stages of pregnancy. The soap had made the floor of the tub slippery, and she dared not move again. She did not know how long she had been in there, but the water was getting a little cold, and Jane hoped it would not be long before help would arrive.

. . . . .

Quite a while later, when the night had begun to fall over the surroundings, and Jane could now only faintly see the room around her, the door burst opened and Edward raced inside, eyes wide with fear.

"Jane!" he exhaled angrily, rushing over to her, "Christ, I thought you had drowned. What are you doing- by God, you are freezing. What are you-"

"Help me from the tub" Jane said, holding out her hand. She had tried to raise as much of her body from the tub as possible, for now the water was very cold.

"Why are you still in here?" he asked, incredulous.

"The floor of the tub is slippery, I did not want to risk rising and falling down. I tried it once, and the result was not good".

Edward put Jane's arm over his shoulder and lifted her with surprising ease from the water. Jane was surprised to find her surroundings, with her naked and dripping water, far warmer than the one she had just left. She was set down lightly and handed a towel which she wrapped around herself quickly before running the other through her drenched hair. Edward watched her, and Jane tried her hardest not to shiver violently.

She moved wordlessly into their bedroom, grabbing her robe from the bed and sitting in front of the crackling fire that had been placed there earlier, most likely while Jane was still submerged in the frigid water.

"Jane, that water is like ice" her husbands equally icy voice cut through the air, "How long were you there?"

"I could not tell you"

"But as long as I saw the lady servants come back downstairs- that was forever ago"

Jane did not answer, she did not feel she needed to. She felt annoyed. If he was so concerned why did he not come up sooner? It would have saved her time sitting in the water. Why was it her fault?

"You are going to catch a cold. Exactly what we need right now"

"Excuse me, but I think I will be the one with the cold if I do indeed catch one, not 'we'. I'm sorry. But surely you must know it was not my intention to sit in a freezing cold tub and wait to be helped from it because I was afraid of falling and seriously hurting _our_ child. _Our child_ , who I have solely taken care of these past months. Surely you know that it also is not my intention to have you angry with me for something that made me only frightened and uncomfortable. I am sorry for the inconvenience I have caused _you_ "

Had Jane not been annoyed with herself, and the general situation, she wouldn't have become so angry. The look which instantly spread over her husbands face was telling enough of the effectiveness of her words. His face softened ever so slightly, and he brushed curls out of his face, looking deeply frustrated and lost for words. He began muttering but Jane was no longer listening to him. She did not need to be knocked over the knuckles like she was when she was deemed to be a bad child, and certainly did not need it from her husband. She stood, grieving briefly the warmth of the fire, and dressed for bed. Had Edward not been there, and if she was less stubborn, Jane would have enjoyed the fire's warmth for longer. She pulled her heavy nightgown over herself and rung her hair through a towel a final time before climbing into bed, and pulling the blankets up over herself.

"No, do not get into bed just yet" Edward said, his voice filled with defeat and regret.

"Why not?"

"Because, you getting into bed means you are done discussing what happened, and because I am guilty I could not bare that"

"I am not done discussing. We promised each other not to go to bed angry. I am merely trying to warm myself"

Edward walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, rubbing her side as to create more warmth. If she was not in such desperate need of it, she would have said something that would make him pull his hand away.

"This was my fault, again" he said, his voice only filled with honesty. "I've been a fool, a worried fool. Of course what happened was not your fault. I was wrong to suggest anything on your part besides concern. Forgive me"

"Not until you tell me what has happened to make you so upset" Jane said, looking into her husbands face. She had dropped all pretence now of being upset. The distress on Edwards face was more important.

"We were talking of you" he objected,

"And now I speak of you".

He looked at her for a moment before nodding.

"If I told you it was nothing, I know what you would say to me. It is nothing actually important, in fact I feel foolish saying it now, but I opened some mail for the estate and there are issues with payment from certain people, and I must go and collect them them tomorrow or the next day. These people do not have the money to give, and yet I cannot turn a blind eye, for it would not be fair to the others who pay into the estate. I hate that part of the job above all else. Still, this is not enough to overreact towards you".

Jane sat up and rubbed his arm reassuringly, placing her face on his shoulder.

"You are tired, and frustrated. Let us worry about tomorrow when it comes, but come to bed now. You will feel better in the morning, I am sure of it. We will face it together".

He nodded, squeezing Jane's hand before standing and undressing for bed. Jane lay back down, pulling the blankets over her once more and waiting for him to crawl into his space beside her. When he did, he looked at Jane intently, kissing her forehead.

"Are you alright, darling? I'm sorry. I should have come up sooner, my mind just got so lost-"

"Shh" Jane soothed, I am very well. Very cold, and now very wrinkly" she said, showing her fingers, "but well".

Edward kissed each finger, his face breaking into a small smile. Jane wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him closely.


	91. Chapter 91

The next morning, Mr Rochester explained in fuller detail the specifics of situation of the family working on the estate who could not pay their rent.

He explained that the family were called 'The Millers' and that they had fairly recently moved from a larger nearby town into the quiet country landscape where the Rochester's house resided. The reason for such an uprooting was not clear, but Edward claimed that the reason could not be happy, for they left in quite dire circumstances. The Millers had 7 children, all born within one year of one another so that the oldest was only ten years old while the youngest was just three- so finding work to sustain the family had been absolutely essential, and the top priority of the move. Mr Miller had been recommended in town to come to find work in the Rochester estate, for their home had gained a reputation for taking on those who needed work, even though there was only a single couple living in the house. Mr Rochester said that Mr Miller had come to him in considerable distress, only one step above begging for a job.

"What did he ask you for in terms of work?" Jane asked, trying her hardest to tie up her shoes- the task was very difficult.

"Anything. He was willing to do anything" Rochester replied, bending down before his wife in order to help her.

"And you gave him the job"

Rochester nodded, "I gave him a job, yes. I asked him and a few other men on the estate to help repair a bridge that had fallen into disarray on the far edge of the estate-"

"But Edward, that bridge leads no where. It was built when there were gardens on the other side of the stream. Now there is nothing there, why on earth would you ask for it to be fixed?"

"Because, it was close to where Mr Miller and his family lived and I heard he was very skilled with stonework. The family took up residence in an old cottage on the very, very edge of our land. In truth, I believed it to be inhabitable, and so I gave it to the family for an extremely low cost, more so for Mr Millers pride above all else, and there they settled. Well, true to his reputation, Mr Miller was an excellent stone mason, and the job was completed nearly instantly. It was done perfectly. I was shocked, truthfully, at his ability to finish so quickly, and so well. He was clearly eager to show his skill, and that he did".

Mr Rochester stood up from lacing up the other shoe as Jane thanked him. He moved to the closet and rummaged through, his mind clearly somewhere else, looking for his green tailcoat.

"But this was only one job, is that why he cannot pay his rent?" Jane asked, moving slowly to take his tailcoat from the other closet on the opposite side of the room and bringing it to him.

"He has had other jobs, small ones around, here and there. He has been paid for his work, and he has been excellent. But it would be unfair to overpay him, to both his pride and to the others who work equally well and are paid less. With seven children, it is hardly surprising that the money has not gone into fees to pay off living on the estate"

He turned on his wife, his coat buttons done up wrong, his frustration clearly visible on his heavy face. Jane walked over to him, placing her hands on his stomach and looking up into his face.

"Jane what will I do? Cast them out into the streets with nothing? Give them an unfair advantage over everyone else on this estate? Be unfair as a master to people who look up to me? And yet, how can I live with such coldness towards a hardworking, proud man. God knows he is more useful than me, and more skillfull with his hands. How can a man like that end up unable to provide for his family while we live here in the lap of luxury".

Jane undid the buttons on his waistcoat and straightened the fabric, re-aligning the buttons so that she could do them up properly. She let her husband release his frustration without reaction, but once he was finished she looked at him honestly, and moved her hand over his.

"You are an excellent man and an excellent master to everyone on this estate. We will go now and meet Mr Miller and his family. Surely talking with them is better than not knowing the full truth of the situation. If the news is indeed bad, we can discuss it further then. Perhaps we will find this all has been a misunderstanding after all".

He looked skeptically at her and she rubbed the arm briefly that she held.

"I know" she said, gently. "I know".

She did not know what else to say, for nothing could shift the looming weight that hung suspended in the air. Jane could not pretend that there was not some desperate reason why dues had not been paid, and she did not want to see the faces of two deserving people hear that their home was to be taken from them and they would have to move on.

"Hey" her husband said softly, bringing her face up with his thumb and finger and kissing her forehead. "Thank you for coming with me today. You know I do not do well with such things alone"

"I know. I only wish I could be of some help too".

Jane stepped away from her husband to pull her shawl around her shoulders. Though it was now nearing the middle of May, certain days were still cold and the dark grey sky outside looked telling of a cooler day.

"Will we leave shor- what are you looking at?" Jane asked, seeing her husband eye her with a mixed look of warmth and pensiveness.

"I just think you look very beautiful is all" he said, revolving slightly on the spot. He advanced towards her, holding out his arm but Jane reached up on her tip toes and kissed his lips deeply. He turned her slightly so he could wrap his arms around her middle and broke the kiss by planting one on her forehead.

"Would you like to postpone our outing today by just a little bit?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.

"In order to do what?" Jane asked suspiciously

"In order for you to lie in my bed" Edward said, greedily, slapping Jane's bum lightly.

" _Your_ bed, is it?" Jane asked, pushing him away playfully.

"Indeed. It is _my_ bed when _my_ woman is in it" he said, pulling her close to him again.

"And what about when it is my husband in the bed? Does that not make it mine?"

"Indeed, but seeing as I would be doing most of the work..."

"Hey! I cannot help that. I find it very hard these days to have much...momentum"

Edward laughed, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

"I know, I know, I know. And I love you for it"

"Come, we have a job to do. Stop delaying" she warned as she took his arm and walked them towards the door.

"Fine, but I am not happy about it"

"You are never happy about having to do difficult things" Jane reminded him, knowingly.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

The day was indeed brisk, and the wind was sharp when it blew. The walk to the Millers home was not far, but with Jane unable to move faster than a stroll, it took longer than it normally would have. Edward did not seem to mind however, perhaps he liked talking to Jane, but it as also likely he appreciated the delay in meeting Mr Miller face to face. The prospect was inevitable, however, for shortly their small cottage home came into view.

Jane remembered only coming across this place once since arriving in her new home. Since the bridge had been in such bad disrepair, and there was no other way to cross the stream besides going through it, she had been detoured from venturing over here again. From the last time she saw the place, it looked like a reborn place. There was life in it, Jane could hear children playing inside- they sounded happy.

Jane gave Edward one encouraging look as he turned to her, and he knocked at the door. There was a shift in the noise inside and the door opened, revealing Mr Miller. He was a short man, very broad in the shoulders and very strong looking. He had short, closely chopped brown hair and dark green eyes. His clothes were old, but clean, and well kept. His shoes were old too, but also had been recently cared for, for they had been polished and shined. His smiling face dropped instantly as he saw his master and mistress standing in the door. The child that had been clinging to him fell from his leg and was guided back lightly into the house.

"G'day" he said, his face flooding with concern and regret. The attempt to keep up a cheerful facade made Jane's stomach pang painfully.

"Good morning, Mr Miller. I was looking to speak to discuss financial matters with you"

"Indeed. I know why you are here. Mistress" he said, bowing his head slightly to Jane.

"William, who is it?" a woman's voice asked, reaching the door as well. Now all the children's laughter had stopped.

To Jane's surprise, Ms Miller was a dark woman with an accent that Jane was not familiar with. Her hair was cut closely to her head, her eyes were dark brown, and her dress which was old and frayed looked in worse shape then her husbands, and looked less well cared for. Jane suspected that she spent her energy on making her husband look presentable, rather than herself. Jane thought that the woman was rather beautiful, but her face too fell at the sight of Edward standing at her door.

"Good morning, Ms Miller. I am sorry to disturb you so early in the morning"

"No, all is alright. The children were already up. What is wrong. Mr Rochester"

"I was just looking to speak to your husband in private, Ms Miller"

"I am afraid our home holds no private space, sir"

"Then we shall use the surrounding grounds. They shall be of equal use to us, if you do not mind"

"No, not at all"

"Ms Miller" said Mr Rochester, turning to the frightened looking woman at the door's opening, "This is my wife, Jane. She wished to accompany me, to make your acquaintance"

Jane smiled at the woman, bowing her head slightly.

"It is wonderful to make your acquaintance"

"Please Ms, won't you come inside? Would you like some tea?"

"That would be lovely, thank you very much"

Jane did not turn around to look at Edward, but she watched Ms Miller send her husband a nervous look. When the door was closed behind them, the woman turned on Jane.

"I am afraid I do not have any biscuits to offer you, if I had known you were coming-"

"Oh no, please do not fuss for my sake. I know we have come unannounced"

Ms Miller smiled at Jane and busied herself at the stove. Jane looked around the little cottage and felt herself smile privately. It reminded her very much of her home back when she lived alone and taught in the little schoolhouse nearby. The walls were exposed stone, and the heart of the room was the large hearth that was not lit now, but was sure to illuminate the whole room when it was lit. There was a line over the fire where clothes were surely hung in winter to dry, but was currently empty during the summer months. In one corner of the one room cottage was a stove, where Ms Miller was now busying herself at the fire. In another, on the far side of the room, there were a great amount of small beds all crammed into the corner, with blankets neatly folded over the beds which were made perfectly. There was a large table which stretched most of the length of the opposite wall, still with breakfast dishes, but clean, and well attended. Jane turned around and saw Ms Miller observing her, looking a little apprehensive.

'I know it is not much- compared to your own large and beautiful home"

"I am very fond of your home" Jane said, "I had one very similar to it at one time, when I was a teacher. In truth, this is much more suited to my own personal style"

"You were a teacher?" Ms Miller asked, clearing two spots at the top of the table and gesturing for Jane to sit down.

"Yes, a governess actually"

"I have heard your story in truth, Ms. How you were Mr Rochester's governess at one time. But I thought you lived in the house?"

"Indeed I did. I mean after that, when I left. I taught many miles from here, and lived in my own house"

"Ah, I did not know. Oh dear, I have no sugar to offer you for tea either. Me and my husband do not take it in our tea-"

"I do not either, so it is perfect"

Jane was handed her cup of tea and thanked Ms Miller. She sat down opposite Jane at the table, her hands out in front of her, fidgeting nervously with her fingers. Jane felt very bad. She knew that Ms Miller must be worried, and that idle conversation with a stranger must not be what she wanted to deal with right now. Jane wished she could say something reassuring, something that would ease Ms Millers mind, but she could not, because she did not know the extent of what was happening between their husbands outside.

The awkward silence was broken by two children running into the house through a back door. The door banging opened scared Jane, but she smiled at the two kids that ran up to their mother.

"Boys, we have company. This is Ms Rochester, the wife of Mr Rochester, who owns this estate"

"Hello" they both said in unison. Jane smiled.

"Hello boys, how are you today?"

"I am thirsty" one little boy said, and Ms Miller smiled for the first time since Jane had laid eyes upon her.

"There's water in the pail, Jim".

Jane noticed that the boys seemed to be a mix of their parents. The boys did not speak with an English accent, nor the unfamiliar accent, to Jane, of the mother- it was a mix. They seemed very polite, and well mannered and were soon back outdoors, the door slamming shut behind them again.

"No matter how many times I tell them not to slam that door, they seem to forget"

Jane laughed, taking a sip of her tea. Before another silence could settle over them, Jane spoke.

"My husband tells me you have seven children"

"Ah yes. My babies. Five boys and two girls"

"Goodness. You must be a wonderful mother, they seem very happy and loved"

Ms Miller nodded with a confidence that had not been displayed before.

"My one job is my children, they are all that matters to me. And soon, I can see, it will be the same for you"

"Yes" sighed Jane, "I only wish I had your experience"

"Ah, I remember saying that too. The best experience is a mother, your own mother. Mine has now passed on, God rest her soul. But she was invaluable to me when I first was a mother. Her guidance helped me through the first few difficult months"

"You make me quite envious. I have never known my mother, she died when I was just three"

"Oh Ms Rochester, I am so sorry. I should have realised..."

"Jane. And it is okay, as I say, I never really got the chance to know her. I admit I am quite scared of my first few months. I have never had motherly support of any time in my life, so it is just me and my husband"

"Aye, but it seems you are very close, and I know Ms Rochester is very excited to become a father. He spoke to my husband about it one day, when he was repairing the bridge. My husband thought it was very touching, and indeed very rare for a man of his position to care so much".

But horror stretched over Ms Millers face and she put her hand over her mouth.

"Oh, m'lady. Forgive me, please. I did not mean to speak of your station as I just have, I am so sorry-"

"Ms Miller, please. I was not born into the station of which you speak. I grew up in a school for cast away young orphan girls. My wealth came as a result of my marriage, a marriage I would have entered into had Edward been the poorest man in England".

Jane paused, sighing and looking at her hands before continuing.

"I still feel out of step sometimes with my own life. I feel unworthy being called anything but "Jane". One of the disadvantages of having become very wealthy is that people who are exactly like me, such as yourself, feel a need to be very guarded around me, and I never get to truly know anyone besides the people who are, now, of my station. In truth, I find I have very little to say to such people. I like truth and honesty a great deal. And I admire people who can allow passion and truth to co-exist. So please, do not feel apprehensive in speaking around me".

Ms Miller looked a little dumbfounded. She stared at Jane, wordlessly until a smile broke over her face. She took a sip of her tea and nodded.

"I knew the very kind Mr Rochester could not have married just any woman".

"I'm sorry" Jane said, shaking her head, "I have shared too much"

"No" interjected Ms Miller, "I appreciate honesty too. Thank you".

Jane blushed slightly, because it had been the first time she had really shared these particular feeling with anyone, aside from her husband of course. But there was a rawness about Ms Miller, a truth in her actions as well as her words. Jane suspected she could be trusted with a great deal.

"So you are nervous then, for the arrival of your little one?"

"Indeed. I am a great deal nervous"

"But surely you have help in the form of relatives"

"Both my husband and I have no family. It is just us"

"Reminds me of me and Mr Miller. Well, he does have family, but they did not...well, _approve_ of the match between us. He has not heard from them since"

"Well indeed, they have missed out on knowing a wonderful woman. It is their loss"

Ms Miller smiled brightly, and Jane felt a sudden warmth for Mr Miller. He had cast everything aside, surely reputation and family, for the woman he loved. It was immensely touching, and she felt that he could be called on as an ally in all that was worth fighting for in the world. This only deepened the guilty pit in Jane's stomach.

But then she had an ideal.

"Ms Miller, what if you were to help me?"

"Of course I would be willing to help you"

"I mean it in a formal way. Me and Edward did not intend on hiring a nursemaid or governess for the child, but I cannot deny that I will need help that he cannot always give, help with womanly things. I know you are exceptionally busy here, but your children would be more than welcome to come up to the house with you, play as they wish in the gardens or in the nursery. I would not need you all day either, you would be back in plenty of time to make supper for your husband. And it would not be forever, only for a little while".

"Oh Ms Rochester, the offer is far too kind. We are servants, and we have no right to reside in your house, the children with access to the nursery and gardens. I am more than willing to help without pay".

"But it is far too much work for no pay" Jane protested, "And I am woman of the house. If I see it fit that your children can play in my home, so will all the other servants. Besides, you will find our house staff to be kind, and non-judgemental in any case"

Ms Miller looked at Jane, pulled between the tempting offer and turning it down. She learned forward, and spoke lowly.

"Right now, my husband and I are facing certain financial difficulties.."

"Then this could help, only until you were on your feet again. My offer is not generous, for it is I who would need your help".

Several minutes later, Mr Rochester and Mr Miller's voices returned through the opened window. Ms Miller pulled herself out of the chair, and Jane rose with much more difficulty.

"Thank you Jane, for everything. It has been, well, a long time since I have had a lady to speak to"

Jane smiled, "Please, consider what I have said"

"Of course".

The door opened and Mr Miller stepped inside, taking off his coat absentmindedly and hanging it messily over the coat rack. Edward soon appeared, and by the look on his face, Jane could tell that he had not been harsh or severe with Mr Miller. Such made Jane feel much better.

"Ms Rochester, how was your tea?" Mr Miller asked, kindly.

"Wonderful, thank you. Your wife is a great pleasure"

Ms Miller looked very red as Edward took Jane's shawl from the rack by the door and handed it to her.

"Thank you, then, we will be hearing from you shortly?" Edward asked, looking to Mr Miller. The man nodded in return, smiling slightly and the Rochester's departed, arm in arm.


	92. Chapter 92

"You seem happy" Jane said, tugging on his arm slightly as they crossed the bridge back in the direction of their house, "It could not have been so bad"

"No, in truth it was not" Rochester admitted, "Miller explained why financially they were suffering. His wife has a sick brother in York, and they sent a great deal of money to him in the belief they would have it returned to them. They were wrong, however, and they are still trying to recover. I do trust his word, so I gave him time to make the money back to me. Still though, if it is not returned within the time frame I allotted him, they will need to be told to go, for the sake of everyone's fairness".

"Sounds very fair to me" Jane said, hesitating slightly. She looked sideways at her husband and then down at the ground.

'Edward, I need to speak with you about something"

"What is it?" he asked, sounding immediately concerned.

"I offered Ms Miller her own kind of job today, a job helping me. I thought she was so good with her own kids, that she may be of help to me once I give birth. I was worried that Mr Miller's financial situation was more dire than you have now conveyed to me, and I thought that offering her a job of her own would be a help to that-"

"Well you thought wrongly then" Edward piped up angrily, slipping his arm out of Jane's. "Mr Miller is an extremely proud man. He works exceptionally hard to take care of his family, so that his wife does not have to work. You surely did more harm offering her a position than if you did not".

Jane stopped walking, turning on her husband.

"I offered her a position in order to be paid for something she offered to do for free. It was only right, the job is not a small one"

"Right, between two people it will be hard to take care of one child" Edward spat back, now more angry than Jane had expected him to become.

"You cannot help me with _womanly_ things" Jane argued, her voice still calm, unlike her husbands. "Ms Miller has had seven children, she understands what it is to be afraid, and alone-"

"Alone!? Alone? Where have I been these past eight months-"

"I will be alone in the delivery" Jane said, unexpected tears coming up to her eyes. When she spoke, she found her voice sounded feeble, and full of tears too. "I shall be alone in breast feeding, I shall be alone in the healing because there is nothing you can do to physically help. You have been more wonderful than I could have even imagined, but having a woman for support would have been a weight off my shoulders since I have no female family of whom I can call upon like most women can".

"Still" said Edward stubbornly, guilt over his wife's tears flooding his system, "You have done more damage by suggesting this than it could ever have done good. Ms Miller has seven children to care for. What did you think would become of them?"

"I thought that they would come to the house, play in the gardens for the few hours, maybe even just an hour, when their mother was with me. This was not meant to be long term, or having her come was not meant as a replacement for you. I was only trying to do some good".

Edward opened his mouth to speak and closed it again immediately. He looked around quickly at the trees and Jane took the opportunity to wipe her eyes.

"So this is what raising our child is to be? Filling our house with everyone besides family. What is it for? To distract from our own family unit? This is meant to be a time in our lives for just us. Me and you, and now our child. You have made me feel like you trust everyone above me to care for _my_ child".

Jane felt her heart plummeting inside her own chest, and could not hide the sensation from her voice when she spoke.

"How could you say that? Let alone think that".

Edward had crossed a line, and he knew it. He knew immediately that this had not been about anything else besides his wife wanting support from someone with experience like most women did. This had not been about him, and he felt ashamed. Her tears had crushed his anger, and the look on her face now- defeated and worn, made his heart shatter and splinter into horrible, painful shards.

"Jane, let me-"

"No" she said, firmly. Jane clenched the collar of his coat. She was still not angry with him, and again shame burned white hot in his throat."No, you can listen to me for a moment. I need you. I need you on my side. I need to be able to speak to you, and confide in you, and feel supported by you. There can be no more of this, no more of this petty fighting. Have we not wasted enough of our time together in this life being apart to have more wasted with fighting?

"You have me" he said quickly, pulling her to him, "You have me now in this moment, and every moment. I am yours"

The empty, secluded surroundings were void of all sounds besides the blowing wind.

"Then tell me, should I turn around and go back and tell Ms Miller that the offer is no longer an offer?"

"No" he said, shaking his head. "I am only tired, angry, and frustrated. This is our home, this is our child. You have a right to make decisions for yourself without consulting me, especially if they are regarding your happiness"

"But I want this to be equal" Jane objected, "I want us to make decisions together. I'm sorry, I should have asked you first. We are a team, and you are always going to be my top priority. If you are unhappy, then I cannot be happy"

He took her hands, noting they were cold, and rubbed them affectionately.

"I was stubborn, there is nothing wrong with what you did. We shall speak no more about it, apart from how sorry I am"

Jane nodded, releasing his collar and stepping back from him. She fought desperately hard to hold back another bout of tears.

"Why are we fighting?" she asked, her hand flying to her forehead. "Me and you simply do not fight. Why has it been so often lately, and over the silliest things?"

Edward took off his coat and wrapped it around Jane's shoulders as he answered.

"You know, they say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. If this is what will prove to be most difficult, I think we will be able to bare a lifetime of it"

But Jane did not looked comforted, so Edward wrapped his arm around her waist and smoothed her cheek with his thumb.

"We are two people now sharing one life. Difficulties happen. That is all this is"

"Then promise me something"

"Anything"

"Promise me that we will never let things go unsaid. That way, difficulties are only such for a little while"

"I swear it to you. Though, you do remember the man you married Jane? As much as I try, I am less temperate than you, more defensive, and far less good. I cannot keep things to myself, even if I try"

He kissed her temple, pulling her in close and began to guide her back towards the house.

"Edward, take your coat back. It is far too cold"

"I think it is best you have it, seeing as you sat last night in a frigid bath of freezing water for God knows how long"

Jane rolled her eyes, smiling.

"You do have a way of being quite dramatic".

. . . . . . . . .

The rest of the day passed in absolute wonderfulness.

Upon arriving back at the house, Jane went to her room in order to warm up by the fire. After sitting there staring into the flame for quite some time, fighting her own nodding head from slumping onto her shoulder, she could not deny herself the fact that she needed sleep. She got up and crawled into bed and drifted off into sleep before she had time to pull the blankets over herself.

When she woke up, perhaps several hours later, she woke to find a cup of tea laid by her head. She sat up, pushing aside blankets that had been laid over her, and took the teacup in her hand. But by the time she picked it up, however, it had become completely cold. For some reason, this gesture made her feel extremely emotional.

These days, Jane often found her own mind consumed, even more so than normal, with actions and thoughts. She had reflected lately, based on her experience at Diana's wedding, that people often moved through life blind to the weight of their own actions. At the wedding she had witnessed a man and a woman laughing together heartily, perhaps with too much drink, slam down their drinks on a tray held by Jane's servant Peter. The remaining contents of the glasses sprayed all over his white shirt due to the exceptional force they had been set down with. That morning, when Jane had gone down to the kitchens to speak to the staff regarding the wedding, she saw Peter having that shirt pressed. The action was small, and was surely small enough in the eyes of the man and woman, to never come back to their memories again. But it had made Jane think. It made her curious if she ever moved through her life as unthinking, or as uncaring for the effects of her actions on other people.

So, seeing this teacup made her heart ache with affection.

Edward had surely brought it up to her thinking she would be by the fire, but in learning she had fallen asleep, he laid it beside her on the nightstand in the hopes she would wake in time to drink it, and enjoy it while it was warm. It was that care for a person, the type of immense care that asked for nothing in return, that was the ultimate of selflessness.

Some time later, the bedroom door opened and her husband stepped inside quietly. He saw that the person he sought was sitting up in bed, smiling at him, so he advanced into the room with far less caution of making too much sound. He had no way of knowing how full her head and heart was with thoughts of him, so the best she could do was muster a thank you that tried to convey far more than two simple words possibly could.

"For what? The tea?" he asked, confused, "It is not even warm enough for you to drink it anymore"

"But you thought of me"

He sat down on the corner of the bed where she was sitting and took his wife's outstretched hand.

"I think of you always"

"I know that, but, oh- I do not know. It is difficult to explain"

Edward laughed, shaking his head.

"Try" he entreated.

"Well.." Jane began, trying to grasp all her feelings into coherent thoughts. "You brought me up tea because you had tea for yourself and thought I may want some as well. You clearly opened the door with a certain amount of caution because you did not wake me up when you came in, meaning you wondered if I was sleeping and you hoped you would not wake me in finding out. Then, you laid my cup down beside me in the hopes that when I woke, it may still be a good drinking temperature for me. And then you left again, quietly, so that I could sleep for longer. I don't know...it is just the amount of care that is contained in those actions for another person. All of it was completely selfless".

Edward smiled, a soft, warm personal smile to himself before looking back up at Jane. His eyes were as dark and mysterious as they ever were, but now Jane saw them as windows into a soul that was as familiar to her as her own.

"You sound surprised"

"I am no more surprised to learn of this then I would of any good action you do".

"And yet my 'good actions' as you call them are so small compared to the good actions which fill every moment of your day, Jane".

She pulled Edward towards her by the collar of his coat. She looked at him, she looked at every line on his face, every curl on his head, every wrinkle around his eyes and smiled.

"If I am good it is because you make me a better person. Or if not better, a far more loving one" she added, noting his sceptical look.

He drew her face closer by holding her chin between his thumb and finger. He pressed his soft lips to her forehead slowly.

"Make love to me"

Jane grinned, shaking her head.

"I cannot"

"Why?"

"Because, it would give you what you want"

"And what is wrong with giving me what I want?"

"All men need to learn increased patience, I think" Jane teased, bringing his face so close to hers now that she could feel his breath on her face.

"What would you know if 'all men'? And besides, I have been patient. Have I not allowed you rest, and to lay in my arms and sleep when you asked"

Jane felt a slight, unexpected pang of guilt, for indeed he had been very patient with her. But, her easy consolation was that Edward loved to be teased by his wife, and loved her to exert dominance over him.

"You have been wonderfully patient" she confirmed, "But I sometimes see the flicker of desperation in your eye when we lay together at night, knowing that you cannot turn me over, and press me down into the pillows so that you can hear my moans and cries in your ear. Or feel my legs wrap around your wais-"

"Enough Jane, I have done nothing to deserve this torment" he warned.

"Indeed you have. For you make your wife feel guilty for not being able to preform in bed as easily as you can, for the aches in my back and hips and shoulders, and bum (he raised his eyebrow) make it far more difficult", she argued. "It is not fair to make me feel guilty when I am being deprived too"

"You need not be deprived"

Jane ran her fingers over her husbands knuckles, eyeing him.

"Make love to me" he repeated, his voice not commanding, but now more serious

She could no longer deny what she was unwilling to sacrifice all along. Jane hoisted one leg over one of her husband's and straddled him. He pulled her face towards his and kissed her passionately, leaving dizzy and lightheaded.

"Supper will be soon" she gasped quickly between kisses, ending her sentence quickly as his hand ran slowly up her leg and brushed her already wet, intimate area.

"We can be fast"

"We _can_ be, yes. But making love with you right now takes a lot of effort, and a lot of energy. I do not want it to be quick.

Edward smiled darkly, brushing his lips millimetres from Jane's.

"Then" he said, softly, "You must allow me to do all of the work"

She gasped deeply as his fingers moved inside her. She clutched painfully a handful of curls from the back of her husbands head and grasped it tightly. Edward's sharp inhale caused a second hand to move to Jane's breasts. Even through the thick material of her dress, she could feel her peak harden and become dependant on his touch. Jane could no longer silence or suppress the deep moans that issued from her. As her husbands hands worked, she felt the familiar but never unwanted panging need build painfully inside her stomach. She pushed Edward back slightly in his chair so that he could apply a different kind of pressure to her. He responded immediately to her unspoken need by touching her in the spot he knew drove her wild. He watched her face, in awe. She was divine. Her heaving breaths, her wet lips, her blushing, burning face were all perfection.

"Thank you" she whispered fleetingly, unable to focus much more on her words.

He felt a sudden rush of tenderness for their connection as one being. She had asked for what she needed without speaking, and he had known what she desired. In return, she had thanked him. The simple act of it. He was overwhelmed with the realisation of the humility of intimacy between two people that flushed over him whenever she touched him, or looked at him or called for him.

"What do you want?" he asked, his deep masculine voice causing her skin to become alight with anticipation.

"To be naked with you" she said, easily.

Jane no longer was tentative in expressing her wants, and for this he was very grateful. Jane was a marvel to him, for she always seemed to embody radiance in whatever role she took with him in their marital bed. Whether she dominated him, let herself be taken by him- wanted to be gentle and slow or rough and hard, she always gave part of herself away and it was the highest honour of his life. Her trust of him was staggering.

He undid the back of Jane's dress with relative ease and she pushed herself out of the large gown. She had refused to wear a corset during her pregnancy, believing that even the ones designed for pregnant women could not be good for the baby. So, he had a much easier access to her in simply pulling her shift over her head.

During her pregnancy, Jane had gained the only insecurity, physically, that her husband had ever known her to have; Dark marks appeared across her stomach in order to make room for the baby, and Jane had felt uncomfortable seeing them appear for the first time. He remembered a conversation he had with her one day, when she had asked him to turn around when she got out of the tub.

"Why?" he had asked, genuinely confused.

"Because I asked you to"

And he had obliged, knowing the reason must have been something she did not want to address at the time. But later that night, in changing for bed, she knew she could not keep asking her husband to turn around whenever she was naked around him. So she showed him, arms crossed over her breasts, turning on the spot so he could see. He had been humbled and a little shaken by her shyness, and the insecurity which was to him one of the most wonderful things in the world.

"You are making room for our child, my love. What is there to find in that which is shameful?"

"I shall never be "perfect" to you again"

He had laughed, and shaken his head

"And I shall never not have damaged eyes and scars on my forehead and shoulders. I do not have the fear anymore that you could love me any less for it. You shall remain perfect to me until my dying breath"

Now, as the present Jane stood before him, he could see such marks again. They were darker now then they were before, but they had not multiplied in number by much. He thought they made her look extremely feminine.

When his clothes had been shed to the floor, he took her hand and guided her back to their bed. After the last time they made love, and he had hurt her, and this time he intended to be very gentle.

Jane lay down, looking up at him with such love and affection that it made his heart contract painfully. He paused, observing her, and she laughed momentarily.

"What is it you stare at?"

He climbed over her, cautiously, and pressed his lips deeply to hers. Jane wrapped her arms around him so that her hands ran down his back slowly. He groaned, and Jane felt pride spread through her like fire. He put his hand underneath her, in the small of her back, and lifted her gently so that her tailbone, which always seemed to be tender as of late pregnancy, could be supported. She sighed contentedly and looked towards the warm sun now pouring through the window. It was a complete reverse from earlier in the day, when they steel grey, cold sky covered the earth in a chill. Now, orange light danced across Jane's face as her husband kissed her forehead, cheeks, chin and then, with slight frustration from a waiting Jane, her lips.

"We do not have to do this, Jane, if you do not want to" Rochester said, Jane curling up as best she could to wrap her arms around his neck and plant feather kisses all along his jaw. His hands clung tightly to the mattress as she did so. "I did not mean to force you into anything"

Jane smiled, shaking her head.

"As if you could force me to do anything that I did not want to do, let alone something I want very much" she said, reaching for Edward's manhood and stroking it in her hands. Slowly, Edward lay down on the bed, and Jane moved above him, working continuously. His chest rose and fell, a light sheen of sweat covered his whole body. He threw his hands over his head, pushing against the headboard, fighting a losing battle of resistance.

"Why will you not give in?" Jane asked, slowing her speed to a desperate pace so that Edward moaned in protest.

"Because" he breathed, gasping for air. "I would rather finish with you"

"Well, I would rather watch you" Jane said, kissing a line up from his manhood to his collarbone.

"Jane!" he cried, his large and masculine hand gripping her slight lower back. She smiled and slipped him into herself with ease, gasping in audible pleasure at the feel of him.

"Love, do you feel alright?" he asked, massaging her hips gently.

"Mmm" she moaned, closing her eyes and biting back a smile.

Jane revelled in the sounds of his voice, the flexing of his muscles, the contorting of his face. He was so perfectly hers in the moments she could watch him that he moved her beyond words. To know that she had rendered him speechless, that he lay, his heaving breaths and chest a result of her touch, his shiny face the mark of his love for her.

All this ran through her mind as he looked up at her, a smile darting over his face before he turned them gently, so Jane's back rested against the stack of fluffy pillows.

He pushed deep within her, surveying her with complete alertness for any sign of discomfort. But she looked to be the opposite- peaceful and easy. Jane moaned deeply and clutched at her husbands skin as he moved in and out of her. She felt her fingers tingle, and felt her body become weightless as well as like lead. And then ocean waves of pleasure crashed over her, drowning her in sensation and love and fulfilled need.

She heard, as if from very far off, a cry that sounded so much unlike her own. As silence rang in her ears, she could hear the great pleasure of that person that had called out without being able to help it. Edward lay down next to her, his chest rising and falling at an immense rate until it slowed, and his breathing deepened again. Jane turned over, propping her chin on her husbands chest.

"Mr Rochester" Jane said, pressing her body against his in lying across his chest, "You are perfect".

His hand moved between their touching stomach's and found again her most intimate area, still slick with desire.

"I am not done yet with you, Ms Rochester. You would need to be married to a far younger man in order for me to immediately reach such a place with you again. But, you as a woman, my darling, can be brought to that place as many times as you want, and I intended to do it"

Jane put her arms above her head as he moved over her slowly.

"I am at your mercy"

He glanced up at her from trailing kisses along the inside of her thighs and bit his bottom lip suggestively.

"That is a very dangerous thing to say, Jane"

"I know" she grinned.


	93. Chapter 93

Quite some time later, Jane found herself laying in her husbands arms listening to the rhythmic sound of Edward's steady, deep breathing.

He had fallen asleep, as Jane knew he would, not even a minute after he had laid down beside her. Lately, he had not been sleeping as soundly as he normally did, no doubt feeling more stressed than normal with the new upcoming changes in his life. Jane knew how often he thought about becoming a father. And she knew how much he wanted to do the child right in his actions. Such matters weighted on his heart, and many times during a night Jane woke to find her husband laying awake, smiling quickly at her and telling her to go back to sleep.

But now it was he who slept, and Jane who lay awake watching him. The sun was now setting. The low hanging light which poured through the window fell onto Edwards face and bathed him in an orange glow. Every feature became illuminated on his face, and Jane thought she could spend hours here, observing each one. She did not know whether it was due to her pregnancy, or due to her heightened emotions, or if it was just fear, but lately Jane found that her mind drifted to horrific situations where she was left alone, and Edward was somehow gone. She had been forced to mull over in her mind what she would do without him. Could she go on without him? She would have to, they had a child on the way. Would she want to go on without him? No. The very thought of it made her stomach turn violently every time at a sickening speed. She had to remind herself how silly she was being, that he was here, and she was in his arms, and all was right in the world.

Jane propped herself up on her arm and let her free hand trail across her husbands chest. It was amazing how comfortable she was with him, how free she felt to ask anything of him, or do anything with him. She felt like she knew this body as well as she knew her own, every freckle on his arm, every hair on his head, every line on his face. She moved over him and pressed her lips to his stomach, his chest, his collarbone, his neck and finally jaw. He stirred slightly, but was soon settled again. Jane grinned- indeed he must be tired.

She ran her thumb over his lips gently and pressed her lips softly to his. His eyes flickered opened and Jane kissed his cheek sweetly.

"Oh God, did I fall asleep?"

"Yes" Jane replied smiling.

"For how long?"

"Oh, hours. Hours and Hours"

He sat up quickly to look out the window and shook his head, laying back down and pulling Jane close to him.

"Very funny" he mumbled, closing his eyes and exhaling contentedly.

"I thought so" Jane mused, feeling a sharp pain in her side. She reached for her husbands arm which was wrapped around her shoulder and moved it underneath her so that it cushioned her from the bed. Edward turned and looked at her wearily.

"Are you alright darling?"

"Mm, very. Just a little sore is all"

He pressed his soft lips to Jane's temple and held her there in a warm embrace. She liked this best of all- being held like this; being made to feel that she was loved in this way.

"You tired me out, you temptress" he accused, "I only fell asleep because you gave me a thorough run for my money"

"You sound surprised, as if I could not do that to you at all times"

He laughed, shaking his head.

"You are right. God knows you have kept up your end of our marriage bargain without any help"

"Without much help", she corrected.

He sighed, resting his chin on the top of Jane's head and looking towards the opened window.

"Jane, you have no idea how much I love you"

"But I do. I imagine it is similar to the way I love you"

He shook his head, "You taught me to love again. You broke down walls I had built up for myself for fear of being hurt. You taught me to be vulnerable again by trusting me with your whole heart. That requires a different kind of love".

"I do not know why you insist on drawing comparisons" Jane said, pulling back from him to look into his face. "What good can come of trying to win a competition of who loves who more?"

He smiled down at her.

"Its not about winning a competition for me. I just wish you could know".

Jane went to respond, but again felt a sharp pine spike through her spine. She winced, and Edward sat up, eyeing her unhappily.

"Should I call the doctor, love? This is not normal for even you, all these aches and pains all the time-"

"No" she said quickly, "No, do not drag the doctor out here for no reason. I am well"

"Jane, you cannot possibly know that" he argued

"But I do know. I know my own body. This baby has just been inside of me for so long that my body is tired. I walked a lot today, that probably did it"

This did not comfort Edward, who looked as upset as ever.

"Do you really wish to help me?"

"Of course I do"

"Then..." Jane began, climbing ungracefully over her husband and sitting on his lap, legs extended forward. The soft cushioning of his body felt better than laying on the bed. She rested her head back on his shoulder and sighed deeply. Edward pulled her hair away from her face and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her cheek.

"Am I too heavy?" she asked, slightly embarrassed. Edward shook his head, his voice filled with a mixture of amusement and disbelief.

"No my love".

"That is much better then" she said, putting her feet over her husband's.

"My, Jane Rochester. You are indeed impossible to please, aren't you?"

"I do my best".

Silence passed between them for quite some time, and Jane was content just feeling more comfortable then she had in a very long while. Edward smoothed her hair, consumed in his own thoughts. Somewhere far off, Jane heard a bird flying, calling out as it soared through the sky. She felt in that moment that if her heart was trying to send her a message, it was this one.

"I'm sorry" Edward said suddenly.

"I would turn to look at you in a questioning way, but I am far too comfortable"

He exhaled a sad smile and continued.

"For making love to you. It should have been enough that you said you were uncomfortable. I was selfish, I wanted you so much that I did not care what the cost was. That is not how one can act in marriage"

Jane ran her hands over the ones that wrapped around her waist and brought them to her lips.

"I appreciate your apology, but I do not need it. You did not force me into anything. You encouraged me to do something that made me feel infinitely better, even if it was selfishly motivated" she added, smiling. '"I would rather have you answer a question for me then hear you apologise"

"Then I am all ears"

"What is it like to be intimate with someone that you do not love?"

Edward was no longer ashamed of answering such questions, and Jane was grateful for it. She had many questions, and always liked hearing her husband talk of his feeling and thoughts, no matter what they were.

"It feels good, when the act is happening because you are doing it out of a desperate need which needs to be fulfilled. The act itself however is impersonal, often rushed, often wild and rough. To some men that may sound like a good deal, but it is utterly meaningless- worse than meaningless. It is numbing. I remember laying there afterwards, many times, positively despising myself for the beast I was. I did not know the difference yet, I did not know what _could_ pass between people. Being intimate with someone that you do not love, when you know the difference, must be positively unbearable".

"Not even if the woman was very beautiful, or very skilled?"

"No" he shook his head. "That idea of love fuelled by only beauty and skill, as you put it, is for a much younger and far more immature man. One comes to learn that the only thing that matters is the person you are with. Everything else falls into place when you have found the right person. If you loved in that shallow way, you could never feel the love of which humans were made for, and serves them right for being so selfish".

"It must be strange, lying in a strange bed with a strange person"

"I wouldn't know" Edward replied, "I never stayed around to sleep"

"Why?" Jane asked, "Surely if you could be intimate with them, you could sleep beside them for a night"

Edward shook his head.

"There are some things that are far more intimate than just being with someone when you are simply torn with need, Jane"

Jane relaxed back again, thinking.

"I never thought of it that way"

"It is the truth" he said, frankly. "I have never known what it is like to actually sleep with a woman, not until you, that is"

"Really?" Jane asked in disbelief

"Never a night in my life" he replied, grinning. "But why all these questions? Are you planning on finding out the answers for yourself?"

Jane shook her head, bringing his arms more tightly around her.

"No, that is why I have to love vicariously through you"

"Well" he said, shifting his weight, "I wish I could not provide you with so much worldly wisdom on this particular subject, but, here we are".

Jane turned around to face her husband, hand on his chest.

"I am glad that you can, I am glad that you have experienced all that you have. It has made you you. And I am in love with the person you are now- madly, deeply in love. Who is to say you wouldn't have been some obedient, starched white shirt wearing, nobleman who married a wealthy woman who was very beautiful instead of a stubborn, passionate, nobleman who married his poor, plain, governess out of sheer love".

He was all radiance and light as he kissed her lips slowly, and then deeply, and then with so much passion that it made Jane's head spin. He put his hand in the small of her back to draw her nearer.

"I think I would have always been stubborn" he teased, kissing her again.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The days pressed on, and Jane felt more unwell then she ever did.

She started to wake up sick again in the mornings, something she had not experienced for a very long time. Her whole body ached with pain, and sometimes even the slightest action of shifting her weight in a chair was uncomfortable. She had very little appetite and so she had very little energy to do anything. The only thing she could continually eat that did not turn her stomach was bread, and tea. Edward made a point to always have some on reserve for her, but she almost never wanted it when he asked.

She was trying desperately hard to maintain a positive outlook, and was trying desperately to not complain every minute of the day. Getting baths helped her, which she did frequently these days, but it was a lot of work for the servants to carry up the boiled water to the tub (despite them suggesting otherwise) so Jane contented herself mostly with lying in bed, trying to read but also giving herself a headache when she read for too long.

Jane felt endlessly frustrated, a mix of feeling guilty for being angry at her unborn child for things it could not help, and emotionally wrought in knowing that she was having such a difficult pregnancy when other women seemed to have a much easier time of it. Edward took to doing his financial paperwork and estate work in their bedroom, so he could be close to his wife if she needed him. When Jane had pointed out that there was no need to do such, that servants were in their household who were more than willing to oblige, he reminded her that he had promised her in sickness she would have no nursemaid but him. In truth, having him there was a comfort, even without them speaking, even without him glancing her way. It was a comfort to know he was present.

Jane read letters from Diana, which were surprisingly substantial in number. For a woman on her honeymoon, she seemed to have much time to write not only letters, but long and detailed letters. Jane could not deduce much from the letters either beneath the physical words she stated. Nothing pointed to her exceptional happiness, or nothing pointed to disappointment. She seemed like the old Diana, settled back into practicality and interested in the smooth running of everyday life. This made Jane smile; she should have suspected that her dear cousin would not carry the honeymoon glow for long.

Anne Eshton also visited, and Jane expected her to be ready to discuss her pregnancy at length with great excitement. She had been looking forward to have something more positive to speak of rather then dwell on her own problems. But Anne was a little quieter than normal, a little more reserved, and far more interested in how Jane was then talking about herself.

Anne sat in a chair beside Jane, filling her in on general questions about the town that Jane may have had as there was a knock at the door.

"Come in" Jane called.

Leah saddled inside with a tray laid with tea, biscuits, cookies, and to Jane's great amusement, bread. She made a mental note to thank Edward later for the thoughtfulness.

"Ah, thank you very much Leah. I really appreciate it" Jane said, taking the tray and laying it in her lap.

"And how is the Miss feeling today?" Leah asked, straightening Jane's bed covers.

"Today is better then yesterday, thank you. I think your constant supply of tea helped greatly"

"If it is all I can do to help, Madam, I intend to do it well"

"I am in your complete debt" Jane promised, handing Anne her own cup of tea.

"Hello Ms Eshton" Leah said, pleasantly, "Is there anything else I can get you?"

"Absolutely nothing, this is perfect. Thank you"

Leah bowed her head before retreating from the room. Anne spun around to smile at Jane.

"How is it that you have the kindest servants in service in this house?"

Jane smiled, "Leah is exceptionally kind, she always has been, to me. Leah and John were Edward's only servants when he lived alone for a brief time. I believe their affection for me stems from their loyalty to him, for they saw his increased happiness upon my return"

"Increased happiness" Anne mused, "I am sure you are greatly downplaying your husbands reaction. Thank you, by the way, for the tea. I can see that he has established himself over here" Anne said, gesturing to the corner of the room where he had made a table his temporary desk.

"He does not know how to help, because he cannot do anything to make me feel physically better. So, he sits there hoping to be avaliable if I need anything-"

"Which you never do, I am sure"

Jane smiled, "No, not often. But having him there makes me feel better, like I have a support"

"Well" said Anne, smiling "That is all that matters. Your comfort and support. Hopefully soon this little baby will come into the world and you will be free of all this discomfort"

"Speaking of" Jane began, sitting up further and straightening the pillows behind her, "How are you in your own pregnancy?"

Anne's face drained of all colour and furiously she bit back the emotion threatening to come crashing to her surface.

"I am no longer pregnant, Jane. I lost the baby"

Jane's heart plummeted somewhere deep in the depths of her stomach.

"Oh Anne, I am so- I never would have said if I- but I did not know-"

"I know you didn't" Anne said, closing her eyes and looking down, "I'm sorry. I should have told you right away, I just couldn't face the prospect of doing so"

"Anne, feel no guilt for me because you did not tell me. That does not matter. But you have been suffering alone, I can see that. Do you forget that I too lost a child? I know what it feels like, I know how consuming the emotions of loss are. You did not need to protect me from the weight of it"

"Oh Jane!" Anne burst, "Jane, I have never felt worse in the whole of my life. I have had so many thoughts and emotions spinning around in my head and I do not know what to do with them. I feel so ashamed, and so worthless, and like I have failed in the one thing it is my duty to do".

Jane felt tears that mirrored her friends' rise to her eyes. She nodded slowly, wiping away a singular tear. When she spoke, her voice was surprisingly strong, but soft.

"I know" she assured her, "I know what all those things feel like"

"But you do not know what it is like to go through it alone" Anne added, "When I told my husband he was clearly disappointed. It took me so long to conceive a child in the first place that we thought we may never have children. When I lost my baby he held me, and told me everything would be well again soon, but that has been the last we spoke of it. I lay in bed every night, trying to make sense of what I feel, knowing I have a husband beside me who I cannot wake up in order to talk about it. I am dejected, and I am tired. I wish desperately that I could turn back time and save my baby, I wish there was something I could do to get it back. I think of hardly anything else in the day"

Jane suddenly feeling painfully aware of her large and awkward stomach that got in the way as she leaned forward and took hold of her friends' hand.

"Anne. You did not fail. You are not worthless. You have not even lost a single ounce of your worth. This was outside of your control, it was a choice that you were not capable of making, or saving. Do not bottle up your feelings. Grieve for what you have lost, not only physically but what you have lost in spirit, and in happiness. You have to fully feel those things before you can hope to heal them. But you did not fail"

"Jane, if you did not go through the same experience I should be very angry at you right now, telling me that this was meant to be"

Jane nodded, she understood her anger, and she understand how frustrating it was not to have something to blame.

"How can it not be my fault? When other women- when you, stand before me at the end of your pregnancy. I could not even carry past three months, hardly enough time to even notice a child was there".

"Because it was not your fault"

Anne leaned back in her chair and bringing the hand that Jane had held to her mouth.

"I am so angry" she said, unable to finish the thought. Jane nodded at her, handing her back the tea that she had abandoned on the side table.

"You have every right to be- you should be! What happened to you was traumatic. Trauma has a way of lingering in our bones"

When Anne did not speak for quite some time, Jane sighed, playing with her fingers.

"The only way I could make sense of it was to know that the child I lost was not yet ready for this world. Or perhaps, I was not ready to be a mother to that child. It is hard to believe because it involves needing to forgive yourself for putting the blame onto yourself when you did not deserve it, and that is very hard. There will be second chances, there will be third, and fourth, and fifth chances if you want. This is not the end, this is a momentary stop on a long road to happiness. You just need faith, and a little more self love then you are willing to give just now"

Anne was looking out of the window now, and when Jane finished her eyes closed slowly as her hand reached once again for Jane's.

"Thank you, dear friend. Thank you".

There was a silence in the room for a very long time.

. . . . .

When Anne left several hours later, Jane felt that she was immensely lighter, perhaps because of what she had said, but far more likely because she had simply told someone of her imprisoning feelings. Jane could barely stand the sight of Mr Eshton when his carriage pulled up, and he stepped out to help Anne inside. Jane noted that he barely looked at her as he held out his arm, more interested no doubt in talking to Edward, who would be standing in the doorway to bid their guest farewell.

Jane turned away from the window, where she had promised to wave to Anne, and felt her blood boil within her veins. Why were men so selfish? And why did men never see the same things women did? Clearly Anne was dejected, and deflated, but her husband could not see that, despite looking at her everyday.

When Jane remembered to walk back to the window to wave goodbye the carriage was already halfway down the long drive. More frustrated than ever, Jane took to gathering things from the tea, the cups and plates of finished biscuits and bread, stacking them on the tray to return back to the kitchens.

She pulled on her ladies robe, which was not near as comfortable as her husbands old robe she used, so that she could be presentable to leave her room, took the tray in her arms, and walked out of the room. She was filled with so much angry energy that she did not register the stabbing pain in her side as she moved quickly down the long hallway. On the stairs, however, she took a few quick steps down and could no longer ignore the stabbing, splitting pain that shot through her back, spine and into her head. Jane clutched the railing of the stairs with great difficulty, trying to balance the wobbling tray in her other hand. She knew she would not be able to do so for long and so she let the tray slide from her hand onto the nearest step. She heard the clashing of certain things tipping off the tray and the smashing of porcelain. Clutching desperately to the rail, Jane lowered herself painfully to sit on the nearest step and clutched her side.

What was this pain? What was this new, foreign, mind numbing pain?

She felt her tender tailbone sticking into the step and tried shifting her weight, but more horrible pain.

"EDWARD" Jane called in a voice that was far more fearful then she expected it to be. "EDWARD, COME QUICKLY"

She heard the banging of doors downstairs, no doubt her servants having heard her cries and trying to come to her aid, but it was Edward who came speeding around the corner, looking at Jane in horror.

"Jane, darling" he said, looking at the mess of broken china and blood and Jane clutching one arm around the railing, the other holding her side. He swiftly put one arm under her and hoisted her into the air with surprising ease.

"Edward, I was trying to get downstairs and-"

"Shh, that does not matter" he said, "My God Jane, look at you. You are covered in blood"

"It is only from the broken china" she said, noting a slight pain in her hand that was no doubt fragmentary traces of the broken pieces.

She rested her head on her husbands chest as she clutched her bleeding hand tightly, trying to staunch the flow of blood. She felt faint, lightheaded, and was suddenly unaware of any of her surroundings.


	94. Chapter 94

When Jane came to her senses, she found herself once again on her bed, still covered in blood stained clothes, still feeling the reminiscence of pain in her body and her throbbing head. She tried stirring, but immediately felt a large hand pin her back down. She looked down to see her husband sitting before her with her skirt hitched up, extracting glass from a large gash in her leg. She groaned, putting her hand over her eyes. Embarrassment burn red hot in her cheeks.

"The doctor is on his way. When you dropped the tray you were foolishly trying to get down into the kitchens you managed to shatter a mirror too that was against the wall, it all came down on you". He did not sound very impressed, or very happy, and he did not look up from his task as he spoke.

Jane winced as he carefully took out a particularly large piece of glass and laid it in a bowl beside him.

"There was no need to call a doctor" Jane said, feeling a little defensive and greatly ashamed.

Edward ignored this comment.

"I did not know I had broken the mirror"

"Yes, and splintered yourself with about a million small pieces"

He looked down into the cut for any more fragments before taking a cloth from within the bowl of warm water beside him and cleaning around the wound. Even from her looking down on it she would see the gash was significant so she drew her attention back to the ceiling, trying to bat back tears.

His hand then moved to her arm, which was also bleeding. There was less debris in this wound, so his extraction was much faster. As he went again for the cloth Jane sighed, running her hand through her hair.

"Thank you" she said weakly, wiping away a singular tear that had slipped from her eye.

Edward glanced up at her briefly, a softer look in his face, and then resumed his task of cleaning her wound. Blood had dripped all down her arm, and onto her hands. She winced again as the hot cloth touched her arm.

"I'm sorry. It will be over soon"

She simply nodded, noting the pulsing sensation in her head. All she wanted to do was pull the shades of the window closed so that no more light could penetrate her room.

Edward finally took the cloth and dabbed it on the bridge of her nose, on her lip, and her cheek with such gentleness that Jane could barely feel it.

"Do my marks at least make me look like I have been some sort of hero?"

"You look like you have been given a good thrashing" he said, unamused. "Jane, what were you doing? You were in bed because you were unwell and then you get up to balance a heavy tray in your arms, while pregnant, while lightheaded, on steep stairs. I find you on the staircase having shattered a mirror over yourself, dropped the tray all over the steps and clutching your side in pain. Why would you have done such a senseless thing?"

"You make it sound intentional" she said, grimly. "I was angry. I was not thinking, I just wanted to be useful"

"Angry about what? Your friend had just left, was it something she said?"

"Actually it was" Jane piped up, remembering her friends heartbreaking words, "And it was about _your_ _friend_ Eshton"

"My friend Eshton" he repeated, "Out with it then, I shall be interested to hear what business you have in their marriage"

"A great deal actually, because Anne came over here today deeply burdened with the fact that she lost her child, and didn't feel as if there was a soul in the world she could tell. She said every night she lays awake for hours, grieving alone, knowing she cannot turn to her husband and speak with him. It made me angry, it made me angry she has been alone, because I cannot imagine what it is like to feel alone in such an unspeakably horrible moment. What got me through that time in my life was knowing I had you, every moment I needed you. No woman deserves to come to her friends house and break down into tears because she is confused and scared. If it was not for your selfish friend, who only sees what will benefit himself, she may be in a much better place"

Jane did not know why she kept articulating that Eshton was "his" friend, but it put the blame for his selfishness onto someone else.

"Jane, Eshton is a scientist, he is a busy man, he hardly has time to observe what he is having for supper, let alone-"

"Edward, he observes things for a living. He is selfish, and there is an end to it"

"You know nothing of that marriage. You know nothing of what goes on behind closed doors. You cannot assume anything. Eshton knew the kind of woman he was marrying, and she knew the type of man. Eshton is selfish by nature- goodhearted, kind, but self-centered in his life. It is who he is, and she knew that before they wed"

"Does that make it any better?" Jane asked, "Does that make abandoning your wife okay?"

"Of course it does not. All I'm saying is that Eshton also cannot be made aware of his selfishness if someone is unwilling to show him. Anne must wake him up in the night and confide in him, otherwise how else is he to know that she lays awake? I was the same way Jane- I was that selfish man. But you were honest with me, you were upfront. That directness made me aware of my ways. That disposition of intuitive communication is natural for you, so you did not think of it as difficult, but for Anne confronting someone may be hard".

"This is not Anne's fault" Jane said, "It should not take seeing someone's tears to know that they are in pain".

At that moment there was a knock at the door and Edward quickly pulled down Jane's skirt as the door swung opened, revealing an older, unfamiliar man. This must have been the Doctor, for he carried a case in his arms and looked authoritative.

"Rochester" he said, bowing his head in Edward's direction. Rochester greeted him formally, explained the situation, what he had done to try and help Jane, and the doctor walked over to start the examination.

"Hello Ms Rochester. I'm the doctor, and I'll be taking care of you today"

Jane felt a pang of annoyance as he pointed this out. Of course he would be the one taking care of her, he had just explained he was the doctor to her husband. Was she not in the room during that exchange?

He took a long time looking her over, checking the cuts for anything Edward had missed, pouring different liquids into the larger wounds and wrapping bandages around them. Jane felt invaded by this man. She was annoyed how he always addressed Mr Rochester when asking a question about her, even though whenever this happened, Edward looked to Jane and she answered. Still, after about three times of the ritual the doctor still had not caught on to her obvious offence.

Jane was glad to see him go. He had done nothing that Edward had not done already, and his explanation of the fainting spell was the typical, insulting explanation for women's feelings, which were always brought together as a homogeneous mass. .

"Women are often prone to fainting during fits of hysteria, madam. Seeing as you are pregnant, and far along, this is not only common, but to be expected due to the heavy emotional strain women are not built to tolerate. Do not fret, and do not worry. Soon enough you will feel much better"

"I was not hysterical, I fainted because of the blood, I am sure-"

"It is rather typical of hysteria, which seems the most likely cause"

Jane thanked him briskly as he swept from the room, addressing Mr Rochester.

"Sir, may I speak to you in private for a moment?"

"Is it regarding my wife's health?" he asked, bluntly

"Yes, indeed".

"Then of course it must be said in front of her. It is her health, after all"

"Indeed" the doctor said, sounding confused.

"For Ms Rochester's delivery, I think I should be the one to handle it. It looks as if she could be a tricky case, and things may get difficult during the process. I have delivered the babies of all great family who inhabited this home before- and I would hate to miss out on-"

"Thank you doctor" Rochester intervened quickly, "But we already have a midwife planned for such a time. Anything else?"

Jane felt a surge of affection for her husband, who now looked positively consumed with anger.

"No...no...I suppose that is all of it. That will be all for me now then, yes?"

"Yes, thank you again, Doctor" Jane said, a little more composed then when she had stated her former goodbye.

Edward left and returned to the room within a very short amount of time. In fact, he was sitting back on the bed beside her before the sound of the carriage pulling out of the drive could no longer be heard. He ran his thumb gently over Jane's swollen lip, looking pained and thoughtful.

"I'm sorry" he said, eyeing the small cuts on her face, "I did not mean to become angry with you, I know this was not your fault. And, if it were, that doctor would have been punishment enough"

Jane squeezed his hand.

"And I am sorry to hear of Ms Eshton. Truly, I am. Would you like me to speak to Eshton, the next time I see him? I will not confide anything that I could not know from simply being with him- he will not know that you have told me anything Ms Eshton said. But in this at least, I think I could help".

"I do not like the idea of becoming involved in other peoples lives, but in this case I think it matters a great deal"

"Then the next time I see him, I will speak to him. It does not take much private information to know that he spends too much time away from home, especially with a pregnant wife".

Jane felt her husbands fingers slide over her knuckles, but to him the action was subconscious and thoughtless. There was simply a need to touch, to comfort, to be close.

"I am sorry I have been so much trouble. Thank you for taking care of me".

The phrase had not even finished before Jane felt long suppressed tears rise to her eyes.

He paused, pressing his lips slowly to her forehead and drew back, caressing her face with his thumb.

"Now, what is all this about?"

"I am sorry, so genuinely sorry for all the trouble I have been"

He looked confused, running over in his mind the possibilities of what she could mean.

'Jane, it is only broken glass. We can find another mirror without too much difficulty, I think"

He knew from her previous seemingly random emotional outbursts that this could have been highly plausible, even likely given the circumstances, but the sad look which flooded her face told him that he was wrong. She breathed, wiping away the tears in directed determination before speaking.

"For months now, I have been far more of a burden then I have been a help. I cannot control emotions that in other times in my life could easily be quelled or reasoned with. I feel sad much of the time, or frustrated, or very happy, but I cannot seem to have a resting state somewhere in the middle of all of those feelings. What I wouldn't give to just feel calm, and at ease. All my emotions seem to be on overload, at all times. You-" she said, turning quickly on her husband, "You have been very understanding, and very kind, but surely you must be angry with me. Yet so much of what I have felt I have taken out on you because I was scared, or afraid, or unsure and I knew you were a place of safety for me. It makes me even more guilty to know then that you act to my face as if all is well and yet beneath the surface you cannot wait to see the back of me-"

"Jane" he warned, "I am not letting you run off any further with that thought".

"But you should let me, seeing as it is the truth"

"It is no such thing"

"Edward! You married me because I was practical, and logical, and temperate. I offset all the qualities in you that you did not like in yourself. We often spoke of it, lying in bed at night, and it made me feel like I had a place in our marriage, and a place within you. Now, I am afraid I am a mere shadow of my former self, and how could you love a shadow the same as flesh and blood?"

"Jane, I married you because I loved you. I did not marry you for some calculated reason as you suggest- to offset qualities in myself or to reap the benefit of your constancy. I married you because I love you, because my life is not worth living without you, and because you make me feel whole. What does it matter if you have been frustrated? What does it matter if you have yelled at me as many times as I can count on one hand, especially when I have deserved far more? Besides, I like when you yell at me, I find it very enticing"

"Not funny, Edward"

"Then know this" he said, firmly. "There is no point in being married to another person if you cannot rely on them to be present when things are not easy. I only ask for your trust, and not to doubt me. I love you. I love you now, I love you when you are crying, when you are frustrated, when you are smiling. You have given me the gift of allowing me to be myself around you, and now I hope I am giving you the same".

"That is the problem- you have made me feel so comfortable that I cannot withhold anything from you anymore. I feel so dramatic after each of these outbursts"

"I would call you more theatrical, rather than dramatic" he teased, appearing thoughtful.

"Now, I am going to give you very specific instructions on how to feel better" he continued in a matter-of-fact way.

"What is that?" Jane asked, laying back down on the highly stacked pillows of the bed. Edward smiled.

"You are going to kiss me, good and thorough, and then I will go and find a very good book that you are sure to be interested in and read it to you, at least until my eyes grow too tired to do so, and then you can read to me"

Jane smiled, shaking her head.

"Book first, then I will kiss you"

"Unfair" he commented as he rose from the bed and quickly pecked Jane's lips.

"Cheater" she called after him. She saw one last flash of his smile before the door was closed behind him.

. . . .

Some time later, Jane found herself wrapped in her husbands arms before the fire, listening to him read with the enthusiasm of a child. She supposed it had something to do with being so abandoned as a girl, but having someone read to her made her feel appreciated and loved in a way that pierced her heart. But it was not only that, the ebb and flow of her husbands voice, its warm familiarity, made her feel at home. She rubbed her stomach thoughtfully, staring into the orange flames.

"The spices, the colours, the heavy, hot air all gave me the sense of overwhelming nausea and panic. Nothing made sense in this strange place. No person alive made sense here, no tradition and no thoughts. The day was hot, and the fruit was sweet, but the night was bitterly cold and the water was salt. It was hard for me to imagine the type of person it took to live here-"

"Is that how you felt, when you first arrived?" Jane asked.

"No" her husband answered, "Not at all. I went to the Caribbean with a purpose, you see. So it was impossible for me to err. I did not have time in which to explore the beauty of the islands, for they are remarkably beautiful Jane. They are perhaps some of the most beautiful places on earth. And I liked the people there very much, my own negative experience came from a singular person, not the general lot"

"What is the fruit which he speaks of?" Jane asked, playing with her husbands hands.

"Well, they have so much fruit there that one could not imagine eating it all. Bananas, pineapple, guava, coconut, genips, and many more which do not have one name, but many".

"What are they like? What do they taste of?"

"They are sweet, and refreshing with their juices in the summer sun. One could eat fifty or so of each before becoming full. You can pick them from the trees, they are that abundant. Here in England we have so little fruit, it would be so hard for you to imagine"

Jane smiled, cuddling closer.

"It sounds absolutely wonderful. I think I should like to go one day"

"Then I should like to take you, one day. That is, if you can survive the boat ride there"

Jane laughed, "I do not know that I could! I have never been on a boat"

"Never?" he asked in disbelief.

"Never" she repeated, grinning.

"Well, six weeks, and that is at the very best Jane, you could be stuck on board, hurling up a lung over the side of the ship, green with sickness with no water or no peace and quiet. It is, well...it is not for everyone".

"Was it for you?"

"No! It was awful. If you think you have seen me in a fowl mood Jane, you should have seen me there"

She laughed, "Perhaps it is best that I did not see that. I am sure you said things I should never be able to forgive you for"

He closed the book, shaking his head and grinning, and turned to lay it on the table beside them.

"I am sorry that I never took you more places before our child was born, Jane. The extent of your travels with me have been to London, in order to repair my sight. You were never given a proper honeymoon"

"You know that I do not care about that" Jane said, looking into his face. "I did not want a traditional honeymoon, especially if it meant leaving your bed to go sightseeing"

He drew her close laughed against her temple as he kissed her.

"You astonish me"

"I know, I know, I've become horribly unladylike. Telling her husband of how much he loves laying in his bed. I should be ashamed-"

"But that is just it, you should have no shame. Your honesty and heart are mine alone".

Jane turned and smiled at him, running a hand along his chest.

"And yours is mine" she spoke softly as he pressed her hand to his lips.

"Yes" he promised.


	95. Chapter 95

When Jane woke early the next morning, she looked immediately at her hand which bore her wedding band that gleamed in the early sunlight. She had worn this ring for officially a year, yet in her heart she felt like she had worn it a lifetime. She ran her fingers over it thoughtfully, reflecting that in a year she had never taken it off, not even to clean it, or wash without it. It meant far too much to her to remove for any reason.

Her whole head spun with love as she looked over at her husband, as peaceful and undisturbed as he always looked in sleep. He lay stretched out in all the splendour of his naked male form with only a sheet tangled around his legs. Jane smiled and sat up awkwardly to pull the blanket back over him. His skin was cold to the touch, so she pulled another one around him from the bottom of the bed. Jane smiled as he stirred slightly, half dazed between sleep and waking, feeling around for her. He pulled her lazily into his arms, her back to his chest, and cuddled into her. Soon, she drifted back into an easy, deep sleep.

. . .

When next she woke, it was to a gentle rub of her hips. Opening her eyes, she saw Edward sitting beside her on the bed, playing with pieces of her curled hair.

"Good morning husband" Jane said, stretching sleepily. Her head felt groggy from sleep.

"Good morning, my love" he said, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. "Thank you for the extra blankets this morning"

"The least I could do"

She yawned, stretching lazily. Edward took her chin, tilting her head back and forth for observation.

"Well, it still looks as if you have been beaten up pretty badly. But your lip looks better- less swollen. Lets see about that leg"

He pulled back her nightdress and unwrapped the bandages around her leg. Jane craned her neck awkwardly to see, but saw nothing around her large stomach.

"Looks clean, no infection"

"All is well then?"

"Indeed, very well. Which is good, because I would hate for my wife to be ill on our first anniversary of marriage together"

Jane smiled up at him,

"You remembered"

"What do you mean? Of course I remembered"

"I've heard more than one story of men not only forgetting it was their anniversary, but spending the night out with women in houses of ill repute, not arriving home until very early in the morning"

"Well, seeing as I do not have a carriage with the horse being lame-"

A smack from Jane, and hearty laughter from him.

"I am only teasing you. But I do indeed know the places where the men you speak of go. What a horrible part of the city they are in. Grimy, and dirty, even for the very well to do who pay very well to have their secrets kept"

"You regardless sound familiar"

He shook his head, looking at his wife honestly.

"I only entered once to extract a man, whom at the time I considered to be a friend, before any trouble befell him. But why are we speaking of this today, of all days? Come. Enough time spent in this room. If you feel well enough, it is down to the dining room for breakfast".

. . .

Getting Jane dressed that morning was a worse ordeal than it had ever been. Jane felt weak and achy all over, so the simple act of pulling the dress above her head made her feel tired, and silly. Thankfully, Edward obliged in doing most of the work, his normally teasing manor regarding preferring to see her without the dress was abandoned for questions of comfort.

"Does that feel alright?" he asked, finishing doing up the back of the dress.

"Yes, thank you" Jane said, looking into the mirror.

The women staring back at her looked tired, with small cuts on her forehead, lip and cheek. Her hair was long and loose, and her complexion was pale. But still, Jane felt far happier than she looked.

"I look like a state, do I not?" Jane teased

Edward put his arms around her waist, looking into the mirror before them.

"I believe that is a loaded question for a husband"

"I'm serious"

"You look beautiful to me- and tired- and very pregnant- and a little scraped up- but still happy. Not like a state at all".

. . . .

Breakfast was a wonderful affair, mostly because Jane had regained an appetite that she had not had in days. She guessed that all the resting the previous day had done her some good.

Edward told Jane stories she loved to hear, of his travels, of bad nannies he had as a child, of foolish boyish activities. He guessed that due to her rigid and strict upbringing she loved to hear a story of even the smallest rebellion of which she was never allowed.

One day, Jane had told him the story of how all her hair had been cut off at the school when there was a lice breakout and the headmaster made all the girls do so for months afterwards.

"But why?" he had asked, in utter astonishment.

"Probably because it took our self confidence away, especially for the prettier girls. Also, probably because it kept us colder in the nights, having less hair"

"I ought to find that man and thrash him within an inch of his life" Edward had said angrily. To this, Jane made no objection, she only smiled slightly. He had always found this lack of objection very funny in a normally peaceful person.

This morning, however, he found his wife the normally happy, bright, communicative and wonderful person he knew her to be. She ate well, even objecting when he reached over to take her untouched bacon, claiming she was coming back to it.

Every time he looked at her, he felt a strong pride that was hard to describe. He was of course proud of her for everything, but the last few months had been so difficult and challenging that the fact she was here, in good spirits and as loving as ever made him stand in awe of her own strength. He only prayed that when she did give birth, she would continue to feel better and gain back her mobility. He missed seeing her stroll in the gardens, or leave for her long walk around the country.

. . .

The rest of the day passed very happily. Although Jane still grew tired very easily, she was not tempted to go and lie down for she was enjoying her husbands company far too much.

He sat in the drawing room with her and did something he rarely did- he played the piano and he sang. Jane loved hearing him play and sing more than anything in the world, but he did not like doing so himself and out of respect for him, Jane never pressed him to do so. Certain times, however, she relished in hearing him sing lowly when he did not think of himself doing it, or when he hummed in the night and she fell asleep to the sounds of his voice.

When he finished, he stood up and joined Jane on the couch, looking at her sweetly.

"I hope that has satisfied you until our next anniversary"

Jane cocked a smile at him.

"At one time, such claims of your superior voice and musical skills flattered you immensely. Now they only seem to embarrass you. Why is that?"

"It is not that you make me feel embarrassed when you ask me to sing. I do not really mind it, if you really want me to do so. It is only that it reminds me of a time when I did so for other people frequently, in an effort to make myself feel part of a world to which I did not really belong. Besides-" he said, looking to Jane, "I would much prefer to hear you"

"Well such will not happen because I have reason enough to make myself rightfully embarrassed when I sing. My voice is mediocre, if I am being a very kind critic"

"Well, even if that were true, the voice would still be mine, and I would still love to hear its sounds".

Jane could not help but grin slightly. She relaxed back into the couch, massaging her hands over her stomach affectionately.

"I do not think this little one will be inside of me much longer. I can feel you are restless to get out" she said, warmly. Edwards face glowed with anticipation at his wife's words. He too ran his hands along her, kissing her stomach lovingly.

"Oh Jane" he started, sounding soft and choked with emotion, "I never thought I would have children"

"But why?" she asked, turning on him, "How could you think such when you are someone brimming with love?"

"You forget Jane that I was surrounded by people in my life that made me feel like I was not worthy of any sort of love- not even my own. I promised myself I would never reconcile a child to dealing with that. And when I found myself in a position in life where I was married to someone I could no sooner picture having children with then a cougar or lion, well then I just knew I would never have them. I never thought for an instant, even in my quietest moments, that my life would end happily for me"

Jane shook her head at him sadly,

"Edward, so much of the hope of the future was taken away from you for so long- it is a wonder you survived it. Humans cling to hope above all else, and it was then the one thing you could not have".

"I was positive it was my punishment. My punishment for being reckless, and foolish in my youth. And then I realised something" he said, siting up straighter and looking to Jane. "All of it was to bring me to you"

"What do you mean?"

"I never would have meet you, Jane, had I not been forced to flee to Paris to escape my problems at home. For had I not made further mistakes that lead to me taking in Adele as my ward, I would never have had reason to advertise for a governess and you would have never appeared on my doorstep. It leads me to believe that God must have a predetermined plan for us, for I was put in this world for you, and you were put in this world for me. There is no other way it could have been for us. It just took me some time to get to you"

Jane's hand was already in her husbands, and she squeezed it lightly.

"No" she confirmed, her voice breaking slightly, "No, it could not have been any other way. I could not do this without you" she said, guesting around the room, "Or this" she repeated, touching her stomach. "It is strange to think I managed alone in the world for so long, for now my soul is bound so tightly with another that I know my life is not mine anymore"

He smiled his knowing, masculine smile which made her heart turn upside down. He stood up and bent before her, pulling her face towards his gently so that he could kiss her.

"I'm going to go and get some tea from Leah, alright? Then you can repeat what you just told me a hundred times over"

Jane smiled, holding his hand as he backed away until the last possible moment.

When the door had closed behind him, and his footsteps had long been lost down the corridor Jane felt a feeling she had never felt before. Below her waist she was completely wet, like she had been submerged in a tub of water. Jane pushed herself off the couch with difficulty and turned around to look where she had been sitting. The red couch was stained darker where she had been, and she felt something running down her leg. And then a pain in her abdomen, a sharp, panging pain that caused Jane to clutch the corner of the couch in pain. She could see her own knuckles were white. In that moment she had a dizzying realisation of what was about to happen. She sighed, breathing through laboured breaths. Another shooting pain.


	96. Chapter 96

"Jane, remain calm"

"I am calm, darling"

"Everything will be alright. Just remain calm"

"Edward, you are the only one who is not calm right now"

This last comment was ignored by Edward as he ran his fingers through his hair. One of the stable boys had gone to fetch Ms Miller, and Jane walked the room, trying to distract herself from the intense pain now coming every few minutes. She winced, grabbing her husbands arm.

He steadied her, looking into her face.

"What can I do?"

"Help me out of these clothes" Jane said. She burned red hot, and knew the layers would have to come off eventually. When she was just standing in her slip, she struggled to put her hair up out of her face. She felt beads of sweat rolling down her face and back and a pulsing in her head. Edward cupped her face in his hand and kissed her forehead.

"Ms Miller will be here soon. Just breathe, just breathe"

Jane could tell even in these early stages of labour it hurt him to see her pain, and she was fleetingly grateful he would not see her later, surely in much more pain.

A few moments later there was a quick knock at the door and it opened, revealing Ms Miller holding a basket and wrapped in a travelling cloak.

"Hello mother to be. How are you doing?"

"Well. I am having pains every few minutes"

"Then we are indeed well on our way. This little one sounds like they will be fast. Mr Rochester" she said, turning on him quickly, "It is time for you to leave, this is women's work, and you best leave it to us"

Edward looked surprised as Jane was brought over to the bed by Ms. Miller, but she looked back at him over her shoulder and smiled.

"All will be well, you may kiss her goodbye before we set to work"

Ms Miller put her basket down on the side table by the bed and turned busying herself with calling orders to servants waiting around. Edward moved towards Jane. She could not help but notice how hardened his face had become.

"I wish I could stay with you" he said softly, only so Jane could hear. She nodded her head, biting her lip.

"I know"

"But I will be just outside. I will not leave until I am aloud to see you again".

He pressed his lips to her forehead and then briefly to her lips.

Ms Miller turned on him looking stern and Edward smiled softly, "I am gone"

"Do not worry Mr Rochester, your wife is strong, she will have this little baby in this world before you know it. Now go on"

"I love you" Jane mouthed as he vanished from sight, nodding at her as he closed the door.

. . . . .

Jane gripped the mantle of the fireplace, Ms Miller standing beside her, rubbing her back encouragingly.

"You are doing excellently, Jane. This is all going beautifully. Just keep rocking back and forth"

"It does not feel like it is going beautifully" Jane cried, sweat now pouring down her face and back. Every inch of her felt like like icy fire, and her body was working harder than it had ever worked.

"It will not be much longer now. Stay with me Ms Jane. Do you feel another pain coming on?"

"I think so, yes"

"Then come back to the bed, it is time to push".

"Push? I can push now?"

"Indeed, it is time, come on, back to the bed"

Jane lay down, breathing in deeply. She was tired, but knew that she still had a lot of work to do. She was determined to have her baby.

"Jane, spread your legs wide and when you feel your next pain, push".

"Okay" she nodded, her heart racing in her throat, and when the next pain came she pushed with all she could give, a scream erupting from her as she did so.

"Well done girl! Well done" Ms Miller said.

Jane clutched the corner of the bed, panting.

. . . .

"I know you are tired Jane, but we are nearly there. On the next pain, one good long push for me"

"Okay" she gasped, a single tear falling from her eyes.

It had been hours, and Jane was starting to indeed become very tired and frustrated. Pushing had become very hard and she did not believe she could do it for much longer. The only thing that made her believe otherwise was her desire to hear her baby cry.

"Pain is coming" Jane said, lowing her head back onto the pillow.

"Then you know what to do"

Jane pushed and Ms Miller beamed.

"I see a head Jane, I see a head"

Jane looked up, smiling, "You do?"

"Yes my dearie, one last long, gentle push. Do not push too hard, you will hurt the baby's head. Just pant with me, and push very lightly".

Jane panted, gripping the pillow beneath her head.

And suddenly a cry.

It was the most wonderful sound Jane had ever heard. A cry- a high, shrieking cry, that told her that her baby was alive and well. She lifted her head slightly, looking to Ms Miller who held a baby in her arms wrapped in soft blankets.

"Miss Jane, you have a beautiful, healthy baby boy"

"A boy" Jane said, unable to steady her voice with happiness.

"A boy, he is beautiful, ma'am"

Jane pushed herself into a seated position and held out her arms so that the shrieking baby could be laid into them.

Jane looked into the face of her child and felt the warm tears spill from her eyes.

"Hello" she welcomed softly, "Hello my darling. I cannot believe you have come to us at last".

She kissed the top of the baby's head and cradled him close.

"You shall be so loved"

Jane looked up at Ms Miller and smiled, "Thank you, very, very much. I could not have done it without you"

"It was my pleasure, my dear. You were absolutely marvellous. So very brave. He is beautiful"

"He is perfect" Jane said, "Absolutely perfect".

"Let me go get your Mr Rochester. I say he is bursting to see this little one. He has not left outside this room for hours"

Jane looked down into the face of her baby as Ms Miller went to the door. When she opened it, Edward stood on the threshold looking into the room in great anticipation.

"Come in Mr Rochester, just for a moment. Then we must get your wife cleaned up"

Edward paused as he looked at scene before him. Blood soaked the bed, and the image of his wife's legs running with blood and her face covered in sweat surprised him. He stopped suddenly.

"Jane is fine, in fact she is very well. What you see is very typical"

He nodded and Jane looked up at him, beaming. He could see her eyes sparkling with tears and her face glowing with pride and love. He moved to her side, and knelt beside the bed, looking into the face of his child.

"We have a son" Jane said softly, her face absolutely radiating happiness.

"A son?" he repeated, feeling his own tears surfacing and blurring his vision.

"I will leave you two for a few minutes, I am going to bring these soiled towels and blankets downstairs to the laundry. I will return shortly to bathe you, Jane".

When the room fell silent Jane reached for her husbands hand, holding her child close to her breast.

"Edward, he is here, he is safe and healthy"

"Because of you" he said, kissing her hand and holding it to his chest, "All because of you, Jane. Thank you" he said.

She smiled at him and then at their son.

"Sit beside me, he wants to meet his father"

Edward lowered himself onto the bed and Jane lowered his son into his arms. Edward felt the small bundle of warmth in his hands and pressed his lips gently to the baby's forehead.

"Hello" he said lowly, "Jane look, he has so much hair, and it is so dark"

"I know" she joined, "He is very much like you"

His heart flooded with love unlike anything he had known. He was like him, but he was also like Jane, surely his heart had to be as pure as hers, for he was perfection, and untarnished by anything- much like his mother.

"He will be a hundred times better than me. For he is already more than my wildest dreams could allow for. Jane, I feel as though my heart is going to burst with love. I have a family, you have given me a family"

His raw honest words radiated through her like fire. She nodded, tears falling from her eyes as she lay her head on her husband's shoulder- tracing her fingers feather lightly over their sons cheek.

"I did not know I could feel love like this" she said, her voice soft but full of feeling.

Jane sifted her weight, breathing in through clenched teeth.

"Are you alright darling? How are you feeling?"

"I am tired, I am exhausted. My body feels as if it will never work again"

"It has been hours, Jane. Hours upon hours of tireless work from you. You need sleep"

The door opened again and Ms Miller came back inside,

"Mr Rochester, you are exactly right. Jane, you need sleep, and as much as you can possibly manage tonight. I will leave baby with his father, and I think the two shall be happily situated while you sleep. I shall just need to get you cleaned up first"

Edward laid the baby back in her arms and helped her to straighten up. Pulling the hair from around her face, he kissed the top of her head.

"Okay Mr Rochester, time to have some alone time with your little one. Jane needs her own time now"

Jane kissed her husband as she handed the baby back to him.

"See you soon" he promised, leaving the room slowly with their child in his arms.

Jane was helped by Ms Miller in giving herself a sponge bath. She was then changed into a clean slip and got into a clean bed made by the servants. Jane thanked them, and they smiled at her exhaustion as she spoke.

Ms Miller left to see the baby and Mr Rochester, and Jane was asleep before she had time to blink.

. . . .

When next she woke, Jane felt disorientated by the time of day it was. It was just becoming light outside, but it was still night and still mostly dark. The fire crackled cheerfully when normally by this time of night it would be long burned out. As Jane turned in bed, she felt how sore her body actually was. Every part of her ached, and she felt her limbs to be dead weight. But she was happy, more than happy, she was positively elated.

Jane clambered out of bed awkwardly, noting how different it felt to move without the immense weight at her front. She moved carefully however, noting how sensitive she felt in every gesture she made. She felt fresh and full of energy due to the sleep she had, and now only had one goal in mind.

She opened her bedroom door and walked into the baby's nursery next door, but her husband or baby were nowhere to be found. She stepped back into the hallway and walked to the end of it until she reached the library door which was opened partially and from which an orange light was glowing. In pushing it opened, she saw her husband sitting in an armchair by the fire, holding a small, squirming bundle in his arms. She smiled at the sight of her family and advanced towards them, putting her hand on Edward's shoulder.

"Darling, you should go back to sleep. It has only been a few hours, and surely you are more tired than that being sufficient enough rest"

"I would rather be with you two" she said, honestly. Edward spread his legs on the couch to make room for his wife between them and placed their son into her arms as she sat. Jane loved the feeling of her husbands legs and arms around her, she felt safe here, and at peace with everything in the world. He handed her the baby and she rocked him gently in her arms.

"I looked for you in the nursery"

"I thought that if he cried so close to where you were sleeping he would wake you up, but he has made no noise. He has been settled, and happy".

"Have you?" Jane asked, bouncing him lightly, "Have you been settled? and have you been happy?"

But as these words left her mouth he started to stir, and his sweet face scrunched up unhappily until he began to cry.

"He is hungry" Jane said knowingly, her own motherly instinct kicking in naturally. She unbuttoned the top of her slip so that she could bring their son to her breast. She did what Ms Miller had explained and felt him latch on. She felt a rush of happiness as her son began to feed. What a connection to nature she felt, what a bond was formed between them in that moment.

"Edward, he needs a name. You were certain we would have a girl, I do not think I heard any of your names for a boy"

"I have no male family, Jane, whom I wish to honour by naming my son after them"

"Which is the same for me, you know"

"Well now, we seem to have reached an impasse. What are we to do?"

Jane smiled, resting her head back against her husband.

"You know that I do not mind what his name is. I am happy with whatever you choose"

"We could name him after you"

"I was named after my father. I think our son should have his own identity, like every boy should"

"Then..." began Jane, "I want a name which reminds me of you"

She paused, thinking and then smiled.

"Do you remember the very first time we spoke?"

"Of course I do, I called you a witch and then accused you of bewitching my horse. Well, now I know at least that you were incapable of bewitching my horse-".

"I am serious. The first time we actually spoke. No pretences, not hesitance, no weariness of spirit. I was upset after a long day of frustrations, and tried my very best to hide it from you. I did not know then what I know now, that you would always be able to see straight through me. I entrusted my worries to you as I had never entrusted myself to anyone before. And I remember you listened to me with such selfishness that it shocked me. You did not make my troubles out to be more or less than what they were. You listened and then handed me a book you had been reading. You told me that there was nothing you could tell me that I already did not already know, but that you could give me a book that would make me feel better. And it did. The character in that book was named Henry, and I have quite liked that name since"

Edward smiled, closing his eyes.

"How do you remember such small things, Jane. Such small, fleeting things"

Jane grinned "It was not small to me, and certainly not fleeting. It was the first moment I _knew_ I loved you. I could not help it, and I knew that from that day on I loved you and would love you for the rest of my life. This child is a result of that day, and every day since"

Edward nodded, rubbing his hand over Jane's.

"Then indeed it was no small moment. And one worth naming our son after. Henry Rochester".

"Henry" Jane smiled.


	97. Chapter 97

Hello everyone!

This is a little bit of a shorter chapter, but this is just to tie you over until I have time over the weekend to write more .

Thank you all, **so much** , for the overwhelming support I have received over the last week or so. I am completely overwhelmed with all the exceptionally kind reviews and comments. I truly do not think of myself as a writer, only as someone who has a passion for it and likes to do it, so your encouragement helps me to continue so much.

I would absolutely love it if you wrote me a comment or review telling me what you would like to see, or what you hope for for our little Rochester family. I am in love with them already!

Hope everyone is well!

xoxox

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The following days were equal bliss and hardship in the Rochester home.

The Rochester's were immediately meet with the contrasting paradox of parenting, that you love something with all your whole heart that makes your life extremely difficult.

The first new nights included ten minute intervals of sleep in between Henry sleeping and then crying hysterically. Jane and Edward took turns at first getting up, but after three times of this cycle, Edward insisted that Jane rested while he dealt with the baby. She could not turn down this generous offer with her as tired as she was, but the price of sleep was dealing with an over-tired and cranky husband the next day. Edward grumbled his way though their entire breakfast, shoving food into his mouth silently, his heavy eyes not lifting from his plate. When he was finished, he mumbled something about a walk and left through the front door without another word. Henry had settled and fallen asleep in the time they were eating breakfast, but before the door had closed shut behind Edward, his crying began again and Jane rose from the table with toast in her hand to go attend to him.

When Edward returned an hour later, Jane was on the verge of tears standing in the middle of the nursery, bouncing Henry lightly against her chest. Nothing she had done had stopped his crying. Nothing she had tried had seemed to soothe him at all. Her frustration had reached an all time high when the nursery door opened and Edward stepped inside. He must have seen his wife's face, for he advanced towards her with his arms out.

"Give him to me, I'll take care of him"

"No, you need to sleep. You look terrible and I know you did not come back to bed last night"

"Yes, but you look as if you are about to explode, so I think it's best I take over" he said, somewhat unkindly.

"I can manage, thank you. Just go to bed"

Before he could argue, Jane stuck her hand out towards the door.

"Go now, please".

. . .

When he next woke some hours later, Jane was still in the nursery with Henry. He was not crying now, but he was whining and fussy and he had clearly drained every bit of energy Jane had. When she looked up at the sound of the opening door, Edward could see Jane's eyes were heavy, red, and slightly puffy. The bags under her eyes showed more than ever and she looked exhausted. She smiled a little sadly at him, her brave front moving Edward as she looked back at Henry, pushing the rocking chair in a steady rhythm.

Edward suddenly felt very guilty for going to sleep at all. He walked towards her and knelt before her, looking at her far more kindly than he had earlier.

"Hard morning?"

"Hard morning"

"I am sorry. I should have stayed awake with you. I was just so tired, I had not slept-"

"Shh" Jane said, rubbing her forehead and closing her eyes. "Don't apologise for anything. I should not have stayed in bed last night, we should have taken turns. This is supposed to be a partnership, based in fairness"

"I do not see what is fair about you delivering our child, doing all the work, and then having to stay up the night when you are exhausted and need rest".

"I just want to help" Jane said, Henry's little hand closing around her finger, "I want this to be fair".

"Me too. So, let me help for a little while" Edward said, moving towards her and taking Henry from her arms. "Go on now and sleep, you look exhausted. I've had my turn."

"I am drained, but I am not tired. I'd rather just stay with you"

Edward's heart softened at her honest words.

"Of course, whatever you want"

Jane moved over to the couch and lay across it, looking into Edward's face. He was now in the rocking hair with Henry who was finally quiet, if not fully settled. Jane closed her eyes, listening to the comforting sounds of the rocking chair squeaking every so often as Edward moved back and forth. She did not know how long she lay there before she fell asleep, but when she did fall asleep, she slept soundly for quite some time.

When her eyes next opened, she found she was covered in warm blankets and was alone in the quiet room.

. . . . .

That night, Jane sat at her vanity, braiding her hair. She and Edward had brought Henry's bassinet into the bedroom, because they wanted him to be close if he cried, and did not want to send the other person from the room to check on him every time it happened. This was easier for now, until he settled. Jane splashed her face with water, but had decided that she was too tired to rise and move to the bed. She supposed it wouldn't be so uncomfortable to sleep here, on this stool...

Edward was sitting up in bed, staring forward blankly, his mind surely consumed with a million different thoughts. His hand covered his mouth as he thought of how heavy his eyelids were, and how much his body craved the sleep he knew he would not receive. Jane glanced at him in the mirror, lost in thought and smiled to herself. He looked truly tired, and like he lacked the motivation needed to do anything. She sighed, stood with great determination, and moved towards the bed. Edward smiled at her as she made her way over to him and crawled into the blankets beside him. He put his arm around her immediately and kissed the top of her head lazily. She looked into the same distant and indistinct spot Edward had been looking at.

"Edward?"

"Mmm?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Better, with you beside me"

She pulled away from him and looked into his face accusingly.

"Do not tell me such if it is not true. I feel too guilty already for you to flatter me with falsehoods"

Edward smiled softly, laughing.

"It is not funny! I do not need to be flattered".

"I tell you no lies. The feel of you next to me puts me at ease, even when you are defensive for no reason".

She went to argue, but in understanding the truth of his words she simply cuddled closer to him, feeling slightly disgruntled, and drew her knees up to her chest.

"How are you, darling?" he asked lowly, kissing her temple.

"I feel completely overwhelmed"

"I do too"

He sighed, squeezing her arms reassuringly as he spoke again.

"Jane, I did not think it would be so much work, and so difficult. And then I did not account for how guilty I would feel for being so frustrated with something I love more than I can say"

"No" she said, rubbing his arm soothingly, "No you must not feel guilty. Being frustrated does not mean you love Henry any less, it just means you are adjusting, as we both are".

"I am just not sure how much of this I can stand- that we can stand as a married couple. Today I barked at you, accused you of not being able to take care of our son when in truth I know you are far more temperate with him already. I cannot live like that with you"

"Well darling, no one will ever accuse you of being too temperate-"

He shot her an unimpressed look.

"But" she continued seriously, "Today I sent you from the room because I did not want you to know how stressed I was, or how tired I felt. I did not want to fail your vision of being a mother that right now I feel like I will never live up to"

Rochester's heart plummeted, sinking into his stomach.

"Oh darling, I never meant to put any pressure on you-"

"No, I know" she said quickly, "I know. It is only your optimism, and for that I am grateful. I am just...well, trying to understand how different this feels from how I imagined it to be".

Edward nodded, looking down at her. He felt a sudden rush of appreciation for her honesty, for her resounding vulnerability. She was already spectacular, and already the love she had for their son poured from every atom of her being. The way she held Henry in spite of every challenge staggered him as an onlooking husband.

"You know" Jane said, pulling him back to the present. "Today, I woke to find you standing in the middle of the room, holding Henry in your arms, looking a way I had never seen you look before".

"My tiredness has made me that repulsive then?"

Jane shot him a crooked smile.

"I am being serious. I do not know what to call it, but the sight of you made me fall in love with every part of you all over again. Henry is exceptionally lucky to have you as a father. I know right now we are still learning, and we are frustrated with each other, but so long as we continue to try and sort this out, I am content"

He put his hand over Jane's knee and rubbed it affectionately.

"Me too. I will have much to do to keep up with you, Jane, as a mother. I know that already"

"Then I think we shall make a splendid pair" Jane teased, kissing his cheek. She slipped down into the bed and covered herself in the blankets.

Edward rounded on her, looking suddenly cross,

"Oh surely you can do better than that Jane? It has been a very long day, I think I at least deserve a real kiss from you"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I am already in bed. Perhaps tomorrow morning?"

"Tomorrow morning" he began indignantly, "Tomorrow morning indeed. Turn over and kiss me"

Jane pulled the blankets down and moved Edward closer to her by wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I love you, very much" she said, softly. Her hand traced his cheek lightly and he kissed her hand as it braised his lips.

"I love you" he said, lowly.

Their mouths were connected in an intimate embrace as he moved upon her. Jane felt a warm hand close around her waist, and felt the other move to the back of her neck. She could smell his unique sent, felt his tangle of thick curls, his solid stomach and arms. She smiled to herself as the kiss dissolved.

"Out of everything in the world, what can I give you?" Rochester asked, smoothing the hair from her forehead with his thumb.

"Nothing more than your arms around me as I sleep" she said simply, "I could want nothing more"

She cuddled into his chest, his arms holding her close to him as she sighed contentedly.

"Jane good God, you are always so cold"

"Shh"

"I am concerned!"

"Shh"

A brief pause.

"I cannot sleep"

Jane groaned.

"I bet you can, if you try just a little bit"

A brief pause.

"You know what would help me?"

"I do...and you will not be getting it"

"Why ever not? It is such a simply solution"

"No. Go to sleep"

There was a period of silence that stretched between them and Edward waited, grinning, knowing that guilt would eventually set in and cause Jane's front of sternness to crumble. As he predicted, Jane sighed angrily and lifted her head to kiss him quickly once more.


	98. Chapter 98

Jane woke with a start. The sun was now shining, beaming in through the partly drawn curtains. She smashed her head into the bottom of Edward's jaw as she sat up quickly, rushing out of bed and over to Henry's bassinet

"Ouch" Edward said, rubbing his jaw painfully, "What is wrong?"

But the sight Jane saw was comforting, not troubling. Henry was sleeping soundly and had hardly stirred at all from when she had put him to bed. Jane clutched her heart as Edward clambered out of bed.

"What is wrong?" he asked again, this time sounding more panicked as he reached her side.

"Nothing" Jane said quickly, "Nothing. There is nothing that is wrong"

"Then why did you tear out of bed to frighten me like that?"

"We slept the whole night. Look, it is sun. I thought surely something must be wrong".

"Then if nothing is wrong come back to bed" he said, steering her shoulders back the opposite way, "You should get as much sleep as you can. God knows he will not sleep soundly for much longer".

"Let us have some breakfast together instead" Jane suggested, "I slept well enough, and I would rather us have some time together to talk"

'You sound like you have something specific on your mind" Edward said, walking to the cabinet and starting to pull out his clothes.

"I just think we would do well to talk about how we spend our days, there must be a better way to live then how existed yesterday".

"What do you suggest?"

"Well, Ms Miller is coming today with her children. When she is with me I think you should take some time to yourself. Go and do something where you do not have to think of me or Henry. A walk, a ride, a trip into town"

"And then what about you? When will you have such a time?"

"Now that I am through the initial stages of my body healing, I am aloud a bath. I think I should like that today"

He looked at her, straightening up as he pulled on his waistcoat.

"And how are you feeling, generally? Are you still sore?'

"Very. I am told however, that this is normal. There was a great deal of tearing, so it is to be expected".

"And your back is still bruised, I see" Edward said, stepping toward and slightly pulling down the back of Jane's nightdress. Black bruises covered her back in sporadic places all the way down to her bum. She glanced in the mirror but pulled her nightgown back up around her shoulders.

She smiled reassuringly at Edward, for he looked far more concerned than she felt.

"All normal" she assured him, touching his shoulder.

"Alright, alright" he said, smiling "Breakfast time then".

. . .

During breakfast, a letter had arrived from Diana which stated that she and the Captain had moved into their new home and found it had not been touched since his grandmother had passed away some years before. She claimed that the bedroom was covered in her pink, lace, and flower decorations that left her new husband quite cross night. Jane, laughing, tried to convey this with Edward but simply passed it across the table so he could read it himself.

Edward face broke into a boyish grin as he read. He looked up at Jane, biting his lip.

"Quite the bedroom for newlyweds, is it not?. Imagine making love in your grandmothers bedroom"

"No, stop it. That is very unfair"

She snatch the letter back, grinning in spite of herself.

"Jane, how can you argue with me? Imagining him lying in a bedroom with pink walls and frilly curtains is an image I am sure he would not like Diana putting down in a letter as the vision of their married life"

"Why? It was not his choice of decor, and it will be changed soon enough. Besides, I imagine all the basic functions are the same for newlyweds, in spite of any specific location"

"Jane Rochester" he said in surprise, "Look at you. A worldly woman talking of the many ways one may make love"

Jane blushed slightly and Edward grinned.

"You know" he said lowly, "The fact that you still blush over such things around me makes me remember how painfully in love with you I am"

Jane surveyed him, his honest glowing face.

"I blush because you know exactly what to say in order to make me blush. Shame on you sir, for embarrassing your wife so unabashedly"

"Is it selfish to continue to do so just to see the pink blush rise to your cheeks?"

"Incredibly so"

"Ah, well, I was never accused of being a selfless man"

At that moment, Jenny came into the dining room, bowing quickly and awkwardly before standing up straight.

"Good morning sir, miss. Master Henry is awake"

Edward and Jane went to stand at the same time, but Edward shook his head, encouraging Jane to sit.

"Soon he will need feeding, and then I will be no help. Let me take care of him now, and you finish eating".

"Thank you, I will be up in a minute".

"Take your time" he said, placing his hands on her shoulders and kissing the top of her head.

Left alone in the dining room, Jane smiled to herself and finished the last few bites of breakfast happily.

. . . . . . .

Over the next few days, Jane and Edward continued to try and balance their new lives with Henry. Although things were not perfect, they were both far more tolerant with one another then they had previously been. They seemed to fall into a natural rhythm of parenthood that was tiring, but far more easy.

Anne and Eshton arrived a week after Henry was born to see him for the first time. Because neither Jane nor Rochester had any family to appoint, so they asked the Eshtons to be the godparents to their child. They were thrilled at the honour, and took on the responsibility with great happiness.

The Rochester's and the Eshton's stood in the entrance way to the house for a little while, talking of the new child, and Jane could not help feel the slight pang of regret for Anne as she held Henry, a little sadness plaguing her face. Edward could not possibly know, as Eshton could not possibly know, the thing that Jane guessed Anne was feeling. How unfortunate it was that she saw so plainly the happiness a new baby could bring when that opportunity was lost on her not very long ago.

So, when the men had left for Edward's office for some time alone, and Jane retired with Anne and baby Henry into the sitting room, Jane turned very honestly to her friend and said, softly.

"I am sorry if Henry's arrival is painful for you, as much as I know you are happy for me"

Anne looked to Jane as if she was about to argue, but then her resolved softened and she sighed.

"I am very happy for you Jane. I truly am, but perhaps my face does not hide my disappointment as much as I thought it did"

"I know you are happy for me Anne. But I do not want you to feel like you cannot feel disappointment too, and cannot express it to me because Henry sits before us. I was once where you are now, so I do understand. But I never had to face my dearest friend having a child when I lost mine".

Anne nodded, looking into Jane's compassionate face.

"You are so kind Jane. Truly, I am so lucky that I never need hide anything from you. But I must be honest with you, for something very wonderful has happened that has made me feel hopeful for the future, and the future of me and Mr Eshton having children. It has healed much of the pain I felt over losing my first child"

"Do go on" Jane urged

"Mr Rochester, shortly before Henry was born, came to my home one night to see my husband as he sometimes does on a spare evening. Well, I imagine he was speaking to my husband of you, and of the child you were expecting together, and I can only assume he alluded to how much he wanted to be a father to him, and how much he wanted to be present in his life. I could not say for sure what did it, but the following day, my husband came into my parlour. It struck me in that moment that it was quite possible he had never stepped foot in there before. I thought something must have been wrong, but he sat beside me, took my hands in his, and told me that he was sorry for the husband he had been to me. At first I objected, as is my custom to do with him, but he did not bend. He told me that he spent too much time in his study, and far too little with me. He said that in my time of hardship, he had left me alone because he did not know how to express to me his own sadness. He was a changed man, and for the first time since we were wed, I felt like we were still the two people who fell in love".

Jane's face had broken into the widest smile as she reached for Anne's hand.

"Anne, such news is splendid. I truly cannot convey my happiness to you"

"Thank you Jane. I knew he would come to his senses, it just took longer than I thought"

The two girls smiled together as Henry was handed back to Jane. Anne leaned forward and caressed his stomach with her finger gently.

"Seeing Henry now makes me sad that my pregnancy did not last. For if it had, we would have been in this united state with a baby on the way"

"But" Jane objected, speaking lowly, "Now, trying again to have a child will be much better, will it not?"

"Entirely" Anne said, a girlish happiness radiating from her.

At that moment, two towering figures appeared in the door frame. Mr Rochester, and Mr Eshton looked in upon their wives, both appearing amused. Jane looked to them, and felt her heart swell with love. Mr Rochester was still the sight Jane best liked to see, after all this time. She found it impossible that someone could draw their attention to another when he was in their presence. The radiance of life shone from every part of him, true happiness drew one to him in a way that was impossible to resist, and also impossible to explain. Jane was struck by the contrast of him standing next to Mr Eshton. Though Mr Eshton had always been considered more conventionally handsome than Mr Rochester, Eshton was placed into absolute shadow by him. Edward had never lost his unwavering sense of pride, or confidence in spite of his looks. It had always been one of the things Jane had admired most about him from the first time they meet. He had always been interested in things that lived outside of the material- things that resided in the soul rather than in the pocketbook. His own appearance, which never gave much reason for him to feel superiority over his fellow man, had given him a truer perspective on what real beauty is, and what real love must be based on. Without such, he perhaps never would have called his plain, quiet, and poor governess to his side at all.

'I believe Anne, that we are being watched"

"Indeed you are" Eshton said, "For we thought you ladies may be interested in a walk around the gardens. I am told you keep yours quite lovely in the summer, Ms Rochester"

"With much help, indeed" Jane answered.

Baby Henry slept soundly in her arms, and because he had yet to sleep that day, Jane suspected that he would remain such during their short walk. She ascended the stairs to place him into his cradle, informing Jenny that she would only be a few minutes. Jenny had entreated her to take all the time she needed, for she had been with the baby all day and was in need of a break. Although the sentiment was very sweet, Jane felt guilty being away from Henry for very long. Even though there were so many servants willing and excited to help, Jane felt a crying baby should have its mother, and not a servant to comfort it. Jane thanked Jenny and returned back downstairs to find the party already dressed and assembled for the walk. Edward passed Jane her cloak and gloves as she meet him at the bottom of the stairs.

"Did he wake?", Edward asked, lowly.

"No, he is sound asleep. I think he shall remain such, for he is tired and has not slept today"

"Good" Edward assured her, rubbing her back discretely so that Eshton and Anne, who were talking among themselves, would not see. "It will do you good to get some fresh air".

"You as well" Jane said, looking into his eyes, "You were up last night quite a bit"

"I am alright" he promised, as she squeezed his hand briefly.

Eshton and Anne turned on their companions and they advanced through the front doors. Immediately, Anne asked Edward to show her the rather impressive rose bushes she had heard so much of. He assured her that they were quite bare as of the present, but would be happy to show her at any rate. When they had vanished into the centre, more enclosed part of the garden, Eshton indicated that he and Jane remain on the outside where they had a view of the surrounding hills and trees.

"It is quite odd to see you with your normal mobility again. Towards the end of your pregnancy, it was quite painful to see you move about"

Jane laughed, holding her hands behind her back. "Indeed, if it was painful to watch than you can imagine my pain in having to ask for help to stand up"

Eshton smiled, glancing at Jane and then ahead towards a nearby hill that had a large tree on the top of it which cast shade in its wake. His face turned more serious, but he still looked pleasant.

"I believe I am indebted to you, Jane. For two reasons"

"Indeed?" Jane said, "You surprise me. I cannot imagine what for"

"That is because you do good things with such little thought that I am sure you do not categorise such things in your head, waiting for praise for them. Firstly, I must thank you for making a very old, and very close friend exceptionally happy. I remember when we meet in what seems like a lifetime ago in Thornfield hall, and I heard of his engagement to you, I was genuinely shocked at his choice. Not because I had anything against you, but because it was so outside of the acceptable custom. Now, I see how wrong I was- that there is much that transcends rank and society and gossip. It could have been no other way with him- I see that now. You saved a dying man from his own fate. You gave him back his life. Just now he was speaking of you and your child together in such a way that reminded me of what every person hopes to gain in their life, peace".

"Whatever I have given Edward, he has given to me in return ten fold, I assure you. Whatever small kindness I have paid him he already gave to me when I was penniless, friendless, and comfortless. There is nothing I could do to repay him what he has given"

Eshton shook his head, "There I must disagree. You changed him- softened him, smoothed his rough edges, brightened his countenance. Everyone who cares for him must thank you greatly".

"I am his wife, if I did not do so then I would be failing miserably-"

"You really are quite awful at taking a compliment" Eshton interrupted, chuckling to himself. "But you lead me to my second point of thanks- my wife"

Jane turned to him, his eyes fixed on his path up ahead.

"Rochester came and spoke to me. He rang me through for being distant and detached from my wife one evening when I was complaining she was quiet these past days. He told me that she had gone through something quite terrible that I had left her alone in, and that her quietness was as unnatural as me having no inborn curiosity. He told me not to ignore her, not to shun her anymore, and that my marriage would end in disaster if I let such go on. I threw him out in anger, pushed him from the threshold, and walked back into the house determined to not see him again until he apologised for stepping over a line- but you look surprised Jane, surely he told you of this?"

"No, he did not. But I can imagine why, for I am sure he had full confidence in your reconciliation"

"He is also aware of my childish and silly nature when I am crossed. I am sure he knows by now to simply ignore it. Well, I sent him a letter by post after a night of tossing and turning in order to apologise for my actions. I did not have the courage to do such to his face. I apologised because I tossed and turned that night out of the frustration I felt at the truth of his words. In response, I woke determined to make things right with Anne. I realised that I had forgotten to what degree I loved her, and the deep wish I had for her happiness. Anne needs to little in order to be happy, it seemed silly I could not grant her such eternally. Well, it is all settled now, and we are very happy"

Jane grinned at him, stopping their walk.

"I still do not see what I have to do with any of this"

Eshton cocked his head to the side, looking curious.

"Please, Jane. Though Rochester has never been timid in calling out my wrongdoings before, he would not have any way of knowing Anne's unhappiness. I would imagine you asked him to speak to me, and he did so under your wish. So, I thank you".

But Jane felt slightly guilty, and apologised for perhaps going behind his back to fix a problem that was none of her concern.

"Jane, I know it is not within your nature to be prying, or exactly. I know you did such out of love, and that makes it all very worth it"

Jane looked over at the sound of Edward and Anne turning the corner on the opposite side of the garden. They spotted them and moved in their direction, but were still too far away to hear Jane speak.

"I am so happy to hear things are now better in your home. I am very fond of you both, and I wish to see nothing but your contentment. I know what it is to live without love, and I would not wish it upon anyone, especially when the solution can be as simple as lending an ear".

Eshton laughed,

"You forget Jane, Edward has been very fortunate in his marriage to you. With your deep honesty, how could things ever become unsettled".

. . . . . . .

When the Eshton's left some time later, Jane went to feed baby Henry in his nursery. All was very quiet now, and the light was setting over the horizon. It was an early sunset, for the days were becoming longer as they moved into summer, but Jane was thankful in this moment that she could watch the orange hue cover the trees and hills and surrounding grounds as Henry nursed.

The sound of the door opening tore Jane's attention away from the sunset she had been so interested in. She covered herself without thinking, not knowing who was walking in, but in seeing it was only Edward she relaxed again, smiling up at him.

"Hello" she said softly, granting him a warm smile as he sat down beside her.

"Hello darling" he replied, with equal tenderness. "How are you?"

"Reflectful, and full of contentedness"

"Indeed? Go on, I must hear all about this"

"There is not much to impart. It is only this beautiful sunset, which has come so early in the day. I feel like it was placed here just for me to enjoy as I nurse Henry".

Edward smiled at her, drawing her temple to him and planting a soft kiss there.

"The beauty of that sunset tells me that it could only have been placed there for you".

Jane smiled, bemused.

"Edward?"

"Yes love?"

"I love you very, very much"

"I know you do"

"But today I feel it so strongly. Every time I look upon you my heart swells with happiness, and peace, and love"

Edward smiled to himself as she spoke, playing with her fingers. He brought them to his lips and kissed each one.

"Do you remember", he began, "Before we were married you teased me in such terrible ways- never kissing me, never telling me you loved me, never giving me the slightest indication of affection at all. You did so to keep me at arms length, I know. And perhaps you may have been right. But how much I sought such words in those days, and how willingly and truthfully you give them now".

"Indeed, I was trying to keep you at a distance. I did not think I could trust you. Now I trust you with my very soul. There is no thought, or affection, or action I could dare keep from you, nor a one I would wish to keep from you. My greatest joy is in confiding to you, and sharing with you. And the result of that has been Henry-" she said, gesturing to the baby in her arms. She felt water stand in her eyes, waiting to pour out. She felt silly for the rush of emotion and tried to brush the tears away. "- and I cannot imagine someone being more blessed than I am in this moment".

Edward rose, knelt before her and brought her lips to his by drawing her chin between his thumb and finger. Her lips were wet with tears, but his lips were warm and comforting. With each movement of his mouth he deepened the kiss, cupping her face in his strong hand. Jane moaned deeply, and she felt Edward's face stretch into a smile. He drew back, kissing her forehead reassuringly.

"You are everything to me, Jane Rochester. You always have been. You are my whole world, and without you, there could be no me. My sun rises and sets with you, the tides rise and fall with you, the wind blows and settles with you. It staggers me at times what you are to me, and how much you give without even realising".

Henry was once again fast asleep, and Jane stood suddenly and placed him lovingly into his cradle, arranging his blankets to keep him warm. She then walked back to Edward, taking his hand in hers, and pulling him to his feet.

"Where are we going?" Edward asked, looking curious.

"I have something I wish to give you right now" Jane said, something sparkling in her eye.

They walked together down the hall until they came upon their bedroom door. Jane pushed it opened and stepped inside, followed by her husband. Comprehension dawning on him, Edward stopped her once inside at the door and shook his head.

"No my darling. We were told to wait, for being intimate with one another can reverse all the healing-".

"I know that" Jane assured him, "But not everything I can give you involves _that_ part of me" she said, plainly "And tonight, all I want is you. This is not giving you something selflessly, this is indulging myself, and what I want, and need so desperately".

The glow in Jane's cheeks, the firmness in her resolve and the plea in her voice called him to action. He picked her up and brought her to the bed, laying her down gently.

"What are you doing?" she asked as he flipped her over and began undoing her dress.

"You see, it goes both ways. Not everything I can give you involves that part of you, as you say, either. Stay very still, and stay very quiet..."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

To be continued very soon xoxo


	99. Chapter 99

Rain smashed hard against the window. It was night now, and Jane lay beside her sleeping husband, still feeling painfully wide awake after hours of tossing and turning. Her bare flesh was warm, so she peeled back the blankets to her waist, feeling the cool air outside of the sheets brush her sticky skin.

Being intimate with Edward had made her happy- very happy, but in ways it also felt like a teasing game. She wondered if she had disappointed him, if she had failed him in her marital promises. Having sex was so regular with them, and now for weeks they had been without it. First out of the discomfort of the final stages of pregnancy, and now it was because she needed time to heal- weeks to heal. Tonight he brought her to the very depths of sublime feeling, and yet it was surely not as fully satisfying as it had been for them at other times. She wondered if he feigned contentedness with her out of courtesy, rather than out of truth. The thought troubled her and it kept her awake now as she lay listening to the rain.

She had asked herself again and again if she should wake him, if she should confide in him in order to put her own mind at rest. She knew the answer was yes, and yet her feelings made her feel insecure and silly. She had worked up the courage multiple times now, but it did not carry enough to make her follow through. He just looked so tired, and slept so soundly that to wake him for something she was not even sure of would have been selfish.

Too much time had passed, however, for Jane to believe she would fall asleep tonight of her own accord if she did not put her mind at ease. So, she turned over and whispered Edwards name in his ear softly. As she did so, she had warm thoughts of how often she had woken to the same gesture. It made her smile.

He moved only slightly and settled again quickly, so Jane propped her head up on her hand and shook his arm lightly. His eyes flashed opened, and he batted his eyes confusedly at Jane.

"Is anything the matter?"

"Yes" she answered honestly, "But nothing pressing"

"Have you been to sleep yet?"

"No, not yet"

Edward rubbed his eyes sleepily and turned to her, looking slightly more alert as his face softened into thoughtful consideration.

"What is wrong, sweetheart? I can see that something perches on the edge of your thoughts. Tell me"

She attempted to start her explanation, but words seemed to fail her. Edward listened patiently, but then entreated that she simply be honest, and speak from her heart.

"Edward" Jane began, playing with his hair absent-minded as she always did when she was looking for comfort. "When we lay with each other earlier, it left me with an unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach. I do not know exactly what the feeling is, but it has caused me to lie awake since, running over in my mind so many possibilities. So I must ask you, have I disappointed you? Do not lie. You can be truthful. I have prepared myself for the worst reply"

"Disappoint me? And prepare for the worst? Jane, whatever do you speak of?"

"When we were making love you seemed, I do not know- I just wonder if I am _enough_ for you now. We have not been with each other in such a way for weeks, and when we did try making love it was only a fraction of what it is meant to be- a fraction of what I know brings you the greatest pleasure. They say men need marital expectations meet, that they cannot do without such for long. I hate to think I frustrate you as I am now"

"And you think I would be less frustrated and more fulfilled in another bed? With another woman?"

"No, I do not think that either. I just want you to be happy, and to be in want for nothing. Tonight, I get the feeling that you were not as enthusiastic as you have been, because I dragged you into my bed like some common dog, broken with need and want. Perhaps you would have rather waited until I am healed, so that we could have tried again freely".

Edward chuckled lightly, causing Jane's blood to pulse with annoyance.

"Jane Rochester, you may drag me to your bed at any moment and I would not object in the slightest"

"But you _would_ call yourself less enthusiastic?"

"No, I would call myself more careful with you, and more gentle, for I am concerned with your health and well-being above my own needs and wants"

"Such is very noble of you, if such is true. And yet you admit to having needs and wants, such as I am sure I cannot give you"

"Jane" he said, his tone far more serious now. "What has happened to put such doubt into your mind? What uncertainty darkens everything I have laid down before you as a sign of my love?"

"Edward, I took you in here with the intention of making love to you in every way that I could because I love you very much, and want you to feel the love that I have for you at every moment. Instead, however, you wound up making love to me, and then I was too tired to return the favour to you. Even in what little I can promise you I failed, while you continue to give me everything. Surely this must grate on your nerves, and cause you to look at me in a different light. Such must be the case. Lately I have been far less of a wife, and far more of a burden, I know that. I just do not want to get your hopes up just to have them unmet, and to disappoint you-"

Edward shook his head, entreating her to make herself silent. Jane obeyed him, looking into his dark and searching eyes.

"No" he said softly. "I need you to listen to me very closely. You cannot say such things to me. To suggest you have failed me is so far from the truth I can only look on it in amusement. If only you could know what joy it gave me tonight to run my fingers along your body, now sanctified with the marks of our love, and listen to you, and feel you, and have you gasp my name in my ear. My inability to be with you fully right now reminds me of the sacrifices you have made in order to grant us a son, and it makes me the proudest man on earth. Do not talk as if there was a possibility that I could not love you as fully as I do now. Do not suggest that making love to you is the only thing that matters in this marriage. I know it is a large part of our happiness, but we both know there are far more important things".

Jane was silent for a moment. Insecurity beckoned her to find any fault in what he had said, but there was none. His voice rang with a genuine honesty which validated all of his words.

"I guess" Jane began softly, "...I am feeling more insecure at this moment then I thought I was".

"Why?" Edward asked, "Was it something I said?"

"No" Jane assured him quickly, "No, not at all. There have just been so many changes, and so much shifting in my life. I didn't want the one thing that makes me feel grounded and protected and like myself to be uprooted. Everything feels new, and unknown. I thought I would be better at motherhood, or at least that it would be easier than it has been".

He looked at his wife, his eyebrow raised.

"I would tell you the truth, Jane, that you have been exceptional. But I know your nature. I know that you strive for absolute perfection when it comes to things and people that you love. So, instead I will tell you this- you cannot be a perfect mother, and things cannot go perfectly all the time. If you have a singular fault it is believing perfection to be attainable. I have learned the hard way that things cannot be perfect, and that living in the best way one can is as close to perfection as we can hope for as humans. It is okay if things feel new and different now, all will settle, and all will be well".

Comprehension dawned on her as she sat up, consumed in the realisation of her own thoughts.

"Edward, how completely right you are. I was trying to be the perfect mother and the perfect wife and the perfect mistress of this house so that things would feel controlled and familiar again. Of course I was bound to feel like I failed, I was reaching for what could not be attained. ".

Edward smiled, sitting up to be beside her.

"So tell me" he asked, softly, "where is it that you feel safest?"

"With you"

"And where are we right now?"

"We are alone, together" Jane breathed

"So, right now, everything is right in the world"

Jane fell back onto her pillows and stared up at the ceiling.

"How long did you lie awake before you woke me?"

"A very long time"

He chuckled softly,

"I suspected as much".

Jane turned on her stomach, looking up seriously at her husbands amused face.

"Do you think me very foolish?" she asked, regretfully.

"Incredibly so. It is incredibly foolish to think that waking me is something you should not do. Especially when I have all the answers ready for you to set your mind at ease".

She smiled a brief smile and then rolled onto her side so that she could lie partially on her husbands chest. He obliged her without objection, placing his arm around her and tracing his fingers along her back. Jane breathed deeply, the weight that had been pressing on her chest since she lay in bed dissolved into nothingness.

"And for the record" he started, after some time had passed, "For what it is worth, you leave me the very opposite of disappointed in our marital bed, no matter the circumstance. It is quite staggering, actually. I am at a complete loss for power with you. I am always at your mercy".

"Why do you think that is?" Jane asked, genuinely curious in his answer.

"Because you master me, and I like to be mastered".

"Mhmm"

Very little time passed before Edward drew himself into a seated position once more, his mind clearly consumed with other things now- more personal things. He gently moved Jane off of him and brought his hand to his mouth, thinking.

Jane, sensing that he too needed to talk about something on his mind, rose out of bed and searched for her nightgown. She slipped it on quickly after finding it flung over a nearby chair before returning to the bed and sitting cross-legged before her husband.

"My turn" she said, encouragingly.

Edward looked at her, holding her hand warmly in his. His glance turned towards the window when the small smile had fallen from his face. There was nothing there to distract him, however. The drapes had been pulled closed, and so it was impossible to see the dark sky beyond.

"Jane, I need your advice, because you matter a great deal in the decision I have to make. I am only sorry it is trivial in comparison to what you have just told me"

"Impossible" Jane said, "Edward Rochester is not a man interested in trivial things. You shall have my honest advice"

"Well, I was visited a few days ago by Mr White, the closest magistrate that lives nearby to this county. You remember of course I was asked to become the new magistrate for this county"

"Of course, I remember" Jane said, recollecting her husbands encounter a few months before in being asked to take over the position of a rather old man who was no longer able to do the job.

"Well, Mr White visited in order to give me instructions on when I was to go to London to accept my post officially. At first I thought this trip to London was a little frivolous and unnecessary, seeing as it only takes the signing of a piece of paper for the role to be passed onto me. But I have since learned that such a display is a representation of the rest of my role as magistrate. My schedule would involve going to London multiple times a month, meetings every week with other local magistrates, and spending long hours at trials for convicted criminals in the closest cities"

"Oh" Jane said, a little surprised. "Sounds like quite a dedication of time"

"It is more than a dedication. I think it is an absolute devotion. The job to me seems like a way to entangle a man in the snare of local politics so that he has no time for his own life. It is a system designed for an elderly man, who perhaps is trying to escape his family as much as possible- it is not for a young man who has just had a baby and detests falsehoods and other rich men's company".

"But you still wish to take the job?"

"I know that I can do some good, Jane. I know that men can rely on me to at least be honest and fair if nothing else. I know the ways of corrupt men far too well, and I know these people are victims to it with very little voice to oppose it".

"But..?"

"But there is you, and Henry, who are both far more important to me than this. I cannot bare the thought of spending so much time away from home. I am your husband, and now I am Henry's father. My place is here, as your protector".

Jane rubbed her fingers over his knuckles,

"You know me Jane. You know I am not made for the company of those who hide behind their wealth and possess no brains or talents of their own. I could not stomach it, and especially not now knowing how much time I would actually have to be in their company and away from the one person I can talk freely and honestly with"

Jane reached forward and placed her hand on Edward's arm.

"I never want you to feel limited, Edward. I never want you to feel like having a family means you cannot take on projects and opportunities that mean something to you. With that said, however, I do not think it is within your nature to enjoy a job that consumes so much of your own personal time, and requires you to be so far away from home among people who are not of your kind".

He nodded, placing his hand over Jane's that rested on his arm.

"You are right, but there is also something more that complicates my decision. I know to whom the magistracy role will pass, and it is a Lord who comes from a very old, very corrupt family from the North who deals in the cotton trade. They have just moved here, and I had the unpleasant surprise of running into the oldest son a few days ago. His smug, pig like, idiotic-"

"Darling"

"Sorry. His smug face telling me all of what he thought and believed made me reconsider the whole decision I had laid to rest as soon as Mr White left this house. What do I do Jane? What can I do that will soothe my conscious and allow me to feel at ease in my decision"

Jane thought long and hard, but as she was unequipped with the knowledge of the system under which her husband was forced to make a choice, she did not have an answer.

"When I first meet you, you would never have been the type to become involved in local politics, or other peoples lives. And now, you care so deeply. Why the change?"

"You made me care" he replied simply, "When I meet you Jane, I was half of a man, shut off from the living and existing with an iron cage around my heart. Your love has made me care. I do not delude myself into thinking I am the most worthy man, or the most deserving of this, but I do know I am the best candidate for it right now. I only wish I could revert back to my old ways, so I do not have to feel the weight of my choice- knowing what response it will have".

Jane put her hand on the back of his neck, massaging him gently.

"Edward, your life is your life. You must make the choice that you feel is best. But I know you. I know how frustrated you can get, how impatient you can be, and how painfully honest you are in your interactions. You have to consider all of that too in a post where your ability to help people is encased in the opinions of those for whom you have no respect. You have to know that the wealthy, upper class men that you will be dealing with will not take your side, and they will not hear your reason if it goes against their own interests".

Edward grimaced, putting his hand to his head.

"But, for now" she continued, rubbing his shoulder, "put it all aside. It is very late, and there is nothing that can be done at present to remedy the situation that we cannot look at again tomorrow".

She leaned in and pressed her lips to his lovingly. He lay back in the bed, moving Jane with him so that she could curl up into his chest comfortably. She sought the warmth of his masculine frame more than anything else.

"You turn all my worries to dust, Jane Rochester"

Jane smiled as she felt his lips kiss the top of her head. He smoothed her hair and she felt the full weight of her eyelids for the first time since getting into bed.

"Thank you" he said "I know I am always a fool when I do not confide in you sooner"

Jane shook her head,

"I have much more to thank you for. Far more. Having a person to whom I can come to with my deepest insecurities, without fear of judgement, is something I think about often, and something that makes me feel very loved".

Jane could not see her husband's face, but she suspected that he looked prideful. He rubbed her arm affectionately and buried his face in her hair.

"That is because you are" he said lowly.

. . . . . . . . . . .

The next morning, Jane could not help but slightly regret their mid-morning talk. Henry woke very early, and his crying lasted for hours and hours. It was one of those unfortunate days where nothing Jane did to him seemed to help at all, so the extra energy found in sleep would have been helpful. No amount of bouncing, or feeding, or singing, or rocking reduced the shrieks from him.

"It is a good thing I love you very, very much" Jane said lowly in his ear, bouncing him against her chest. "You are absolutely exhausting".

She appreciated the time, however, in the way that it gave her time to read when he was feeding. She was absolutely determined to help Edward find a solution to the magistracy problem he faced. She was forced to be honest with herself though as she searched- Edward cared very much about righting the corruption of men who take advantage of those who cannot help themselves, but those were the exact men he would have to refer to as colleagues, and would have to make relationships with if he wanted to achieve anything. She did not imagine that he could accept such facades. She also doubted very much if he could have much of an affect in the way he would have to appease them, for he could never hold the position if he constantly opposed them. But it was unique to him, and so she wanted to find a way for him to be involved, but not in a way that would consume his life and his energy. So, she took to reading a law book that was in the library. It was dated a few years previously, but she took an educated guess that the laws had not changed since its publication. She flipped through the pages of the magistracy guide but found nothing that could be of help to him. Frustrated, and feeling slightly annoyed that she had found nothing by the time Henry finished feeding, she placed the book back onto the table, it falling opened to a random page as she stood and tried rocking Henry again.

"Come on little one, time for sleep now" she encouraged vainly.

. . . . .

"Edward, Edward no!" Jane whispered desperately as the door creaked opened. Edward froze, stilling the door so that it fell silent. Jane nervously looked down into the face of her baby, who remained asleep in spite of the commotion. With great caution, Jane lowered him into his bassinet and crept carefully away from him, beckoning for Edward to retreat with her quietly.

"He is asleep?" Edward asked softly, once the door was pulled almost closed. Jane worried that latching it shut would wake him.

"For the present" she said, placing her hand on her forehead and slumping against the wall.

"Good god, what time is it?"

"It is nearly two"

"What did you have for lunch?" Jane asked, her stomach growling.

"Nothing yet. I thought I would wait for you".

Jane pushed herself off the walk and walked to her husband, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him. He chuckled to himself, holding her around the waist.

"Come on darling"

"No, lets just stay here"

Another soft chuckle.

"I think it is soup today, I hear the women of the kitchen are very excited for you to try some".

Jane pulled back her face to look at Edward, her brows furrowed.

"I do hope you are not kidding. Otherwise, I may cry".

He put his arm around her waist as they walked the length of the hall towards the staircase.

"There will be no tears shed today-"

Loud cries issued from the nursery and both Jane and Edward froze.

Jane turned on Edward quickly, her mouth half opened in speech.

"You go on" he interrupted kindly, but firmly before she could speak. "I'll look after him".

"Just until I eat, and then I will be back so that you can as well" she promised, kissing his cheek before turning and descending the staircase.


	100. Chapter 100

Hello Everyone!

I am so, so sorry for the lack of posting lately. I came down with the worst cold I have ever had, and everything I wrote during that time was sloppy and just didn't make sense, and I didn't want to publish it. I hope you enjoy this new chapter, please let me know if you do!

I will definitely post more coming up _very_ soon to make up for all I have missed.

I hope everyone is better than I have been and I hope you have a good week!

(Also chapter 100! Ahh! I cannot believe it. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Without you all, I never would have written past chapter 5).

xoxox

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jane rushed her lunch and hurried back up to her husband, for there had been a large stack of letters placed in her husbands spot at the table, and one in particular was especially noteworthy to her. She ascended the steps two at a time, enjoying her regained full extent of motion, and pushed opened the nursery door.

"That was fast" Edward commented, somewhat confused. He half turned to look at her, "Did you eat?"

"There is something I want to show you. Something that came this morning".

More interested than before, Edward looked at Jane as she sat beside him on the couch. She took the fussing Henry from his arms so that he could take from her hands a letter which was yellowed with distance and time.

" St John Rivers" Rochester commented slowly, his tone hard to name as he read the address from the letter. "Strange, is it not, that he is writing to you now? After all this time?"

"Very strange. I have not heard for him in so long that I thought he must hate me, or at least had forgotten me completely. He writes letters to his sisters somewhat frequently but never replied to me when I sent him one. Will you read it to me?"

Edward opened the envelope and slipped the letter out, beginning to read.

" _Dear Ms Eyre,_

 _Writing from India takes much longer than one would expect. If you have not received a letter from me, as Mary and Diana have both indicated made you upset, know it is nothing personal. I am very busy in my new missionary role, and the luxury of the time to write is not understood the same here as it is to women who sit in parlours in England. If it is my well-being you are concerned with, know I am very healthy. I feel more connected to God then ever in my new role, and am grateful everyday that I made the correct, unpolluted choice in coming here. Though there were things back in England to keep me there in an easy, far more indulgent life, I took the path that will lead me to eternal salvation- of that I am sure. I pray for the souls of my fellow man and woman who cannot see God's plan so clearly as I can at present._

 _I hope Diana's marriage will be a positive and beneficial one to all parties involved. She said you promoted the union, thus I cannot assume it is impractical or ill-fitting. A naval captain I suppose is an honourable career, although I wonder if the temperament of a clergyman would have suited her better._

 _I hope that you are in good health and fulfilled in your religious commitments, which I hope have not been changed in the choices you have made._

 _St John Rivers"_

Edward put down the letter, staring at Jane.

"That man is never to come here. He can stay in India for all I care, but he will never step foot in my house"

Jane went to talk but he spoke over her,

"I will not have him speak of you in that way" he said firmly, "Implying that you have lost your religion and given up everything that is right in the world because you did not marry him and become a missionary wife. I will not have that"

"You know him far less than I do" Jane objected, "Though what he says is wrong, he does not mean it in a cruel way"

"Then he should be more aware of his words and what they imply"

"I agree" Jane said, "Yet I cannot fault him"

"Well I can" Edward said, still sounding angry "And I will do it freely".

Jane moved Henry to her shoulder and looked at her husband, thought he did not glance her way as she spoke.

"That letter revealed all I wished to know of St John, that he is happy and still yet unchanged in his ways. I was not looking for an apology or reconciliation I knew I would not get. There is a reason his proposal caused me to flee back to your side, for he showed me what a loveless person and loveless life was, and I could not bare the idea of becoming that. He is a product of his beliefs and his hurt, and not of love. Thus, I will not fault him"

"That is because, Jane Rochester, you are a far better person than I. There is nothing in that man I can find to respect. He disregarded your feelings, he supposed you, or perhaps wanted you to be the kind of woman who could live without love, and treated you as less than you are"

"You are right" Jane confirmed,

"And I do not like the fact that in the year you were away from me, he was with you. I do not like that thought at all"

Jane brought Henry to her lips and kissed his cheek repeatedly. His little face contorted into a smile,

"I remember that part all too well. But, all that is behind us now" she said, also kissing her husbands cheek. His face too softened slightly, but he still looked cross.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

In the weeks that followed, the late spring continued until the summer finally came. Warmth seemed to spread over England overnight and cover the earth in warmth, and bloom, and freshness.

Jane received frequent letters from both Diana and Mary asking about the baby along with Jane and Edward's overall happiness. Somewhat unhappily, she found Diana took on a far more domestic role than Jane believed would be good for her. She could not know for sure, for she hadn't seen her since her wedding, but just from the wording of her letters Jane felt a little suspicious of her sitting around stitching pillows and hosting tea parties. But Jane was forced to remind herself that she was not to judge what determined Diana's happiness, and indeed she did seem very happy. That was all that mattered, in the end.

Mary had taken up a new position just outside of London as a teacher in a school similar to Jane's old Lowood, but Mary assured it was far more friendly and warm. She seemed to truly like the work she was doing for the first time in her life, and Jane thus felt very happy for Mary too.

Little Adele, though she was growing less little by the day, wrote too. She wrote of new friends, new knowledge, and still sweetly lamented that she wished Jane to be her governess again, so she would not be away from her home, or her family. She was also quite desperate to see the new baby, but could not be granted the time away from school. She longed for the Christmas break, where she could meet Henry for the first time.

The Rochester family was very happy too. Very happy. Learning to be a parent had fallen into a pattern of what Jane believed would be the closest to ease they would experience until Henry grew up a little. And yet she did not want him to grow at all, she cherished every moment with him and everything she and Edward now shared because of him.

. . .

Jane woke early one morning after a restless nights sleep, and in knowing she would not be able to fall asleep again she rose, dressed, and then dressed Henry for a walk outside. She walked over to his bassinet and picked him up, whispering, as not to wake her husband, "Good morning little one. How did you sleep? Well, how did you sleep after four?"

She carried him downstairs, tickling his stomach as they went so he squealed and smiled.

"What is it?" Jane asked, grinning at his little face, "What!"

At the bottom of the stairs, servants were all gathered to start their tasks, lighting fires and starting their morning rounds of the house.

"Good morning Ms" Leah said in surprise, "You are up very early"

Jane knew that normally servants were put off and nervous when a member of the house rose before the morning chores had been done, for Jane had experienced such herself as a servant, but people greeted her good morning and continued onto their work seeming contented.

"I could not sleep" Jane said, bouncing Henry in her arms, "He fussed for most of the night"

"Oh little one" Leah teased, brushing his arm lightly,"How silly you are".

Jane smiled and looked to Leah, eyebrows raised.

"Silly indeed. I cannot wait until he sleeps through the night...even partway through the night"

"I know ma'am. I remember my sister struggled with the same thing. She was quite overwhelmed with it all, but unlike you, she had help. She was not so determined as you are".

"I do have help! I have all the servants here I know I could call on at any moment if I needed them. But I am determined, perhaps to the point of me being stubborn".

Leah laughed, "Indeed ma'am, but the child is lucky indeed to have you and the master for parents. He won't be wanting for love, that is to be sure. Are you going for a walk in the gardens now?"

"Yes, indeed. If the master comes down and asks, would you mind telling him?"

"Of course".

. . .

After Henry was loaded into his pram and wrapped in a light blanket, Jane wheeled him outside. The day was the same as the ones that had come before it. It was the perfect temperature early in the morning, but it did not get warmer throughout the day. The sun poked through the leafy trees so that it covered the grass in shadow. The warm light that bathed the earth gave life to flowers, plants and trees, and it gave Jane heart.

Since having Henry, Jane realised how much she had missed being able to walk freely for as long as she wanted without needing to stop for a rest, or without paining in some form. She felt so grateful, to an even silly degree, for days like this one now. For the peace and quiet the world brought so early in the morning, and for the calm it spread over her skin as she pushed her child along with her.

Henry was sleeping. Jane thought, somewhat amused, somewhat frustrated, that it was sad that Henry could sleep now so soundly, and always slept so poorly at night. She shook her head, smiling. She reflected to herself how often she looked at her child, and how she felt she could describe every inch of his little face blindfolded. His hair had darkened in the last little while, and more of it had seemed to grow in. In was thin and curly, and Jane could not wait to see what his head of hair would be like when he was older. His full cheeks were always rosy, and his eyes were identical to his fathers, deep brown and brilliant. Jane was thankful he looked like his father, for surely she had nothing to offer him in terms of looks.

She pushed the pram around a corner of the garden, her mind still flooding with thoughts and feelings. Being a mother was far better than anything she could have imagined before, because one cannot know what it is to love someone in that way before you are a parent. Jane knew she would give her whole life for this baby, a baby who could not walk or talk yet, who could not express his ideas to the world or tell of what he felt. But that did not matter, she would give everything to him in a heartbeat regardless. And yet, because of this she was in constant fear of something going wrong, or her doing something incorrectly. She roamed over actions and schedules and gestures over and over again in her mind, trying her best to do everything right, but knowing that this was impossible.

She truly had been trying to take Edward's advice to mind, that she was a perfectionist when it was impossible to be one as a mother and that would end in constant unhappiness, so she must relax and be more forgiving. She reminded herself of this often. Only the other day Ms Miller had been over and Jane broke down after not being able to get Henry to feed from her.

"Jane dear, this is quite normal. Let me help you" she had said, kindly.

"But I am his mother, shouldn't this be easy?"

"Not at all. Many new mothers have trouble feeding their babies at all, for you it is infrequent, and it is easy to get him to, look"

Ms Miller had readjusted him on her arm and he began feeding hungrily. Jane looked up at Ms Miller and sighed, feeling instantly guilty for ever having complained.

"Ms Miller, I should not be complaining. As you have said, many mothers have far more frustrating situations than me, and they have no help. I should be grateful".

Ms Miller smiled, shaking her head.

"My Jane, it is not difficult to get you to feel sorry. Child, you have every right to complain because you, like every new mother, are tired, overwhelmed, and frustrated. Do not try and apologise to me for being honest about such things. Now have you been eating well?"

"Yes"

"And lots?"

"Yes"

"Good. I know that Mr Rochester of yours is determined to keep you in good health. But us women can easily outsmart our men if we wanted to, and yet I can see you are in good health and good spirits overall".

Jane chuckled, "Indeed"

So, practising this new determination to be contented with being a work in progress would have to do for now, Jane pondered as she rounded another corner to enter deeper into the garden.

. . .

Jane returned from her walk feeling refreshed and enthusiastic for the day ahead of her. She thought that Edward may even enjoy a walk into town with her later, which would be a nice way to spend time together and get Henry out of the house, as Ms Miller had recommended. She claimed that fresh air made babies feel more sleepy, and Jane was willing to try anything to make Henry sleep.

After nursing Henry for quite a long time in the nursery, Jane rocked him to sleep and he settled into his crib without stirring. Jane crept from the room, not believing her luck in getting him to fall asleep and so quickly, and entered her own room next door quietly. There was no need for such caution, however. Edward sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on his socks when Jane entered. She smiled at him and he looked back at her, curiously.

Where have you been all this time?" he asked, "I thought I would have to send out a search party for you when I woke so early and found you were not here"

"Is that what you were intending on doing?" Jane asked, watching him pull on his other sock.

"Yes indeed, if you must know" he said, grinning, 'But now that you are home again safely, the danger is averted. I will not need to be called upon as your knight in shining armour"

"I wouldn't count on that just yet" Jane said, nudging his side affectionately as she sat beside him.

He kissed her temple quickly.

"And what plans do you have brewing for today?" he asked suspiciously, "I can always tell when you have a plan. You look so determined"

"I want to take a walk into town today" Jane said

"Alright...in order to do what?"

"Go to the bookstore"

"But Jane, you only went last week. Surely you are not through the books already?"

"I am not. But are you going to forbid me from going?"

He shot her a knowing look.

"Of course not. You may do whatever you please"

"Good, because I was going to do it anyways".

He chucked to himself, shaking his head.

"And I suppose you wish me to go too?"

"What makes you say that?"

"I know you Jane. I know you would not walk in here as blooming as you look now, talking about a walk into town later, if you did not want me to come. Besides, I now have a family to protect now, I must go".

"I doubt we will need much protection in the town square. Cobble stone is very threatening, but I think we could manage"

Edward rolled his eyes as Jane stood before her husband again, "There is more to fear in town, my darling, than cobble stone streets- even with you being very capable".

"Fine then, we would manage against the even more threatening bakery in town. You know, I was told by Ms Miller that while carrying a child some women eat a certain type of food far more, because of the changing body. I thought my want to eat from the bakery would stop once I had given birth, but I fear it has not".

"Good" Edward said slapping Jane's behind, "I like you with flesh on your bones"

Jane shoved his arm away, smiling.

"I wish you to come", she continued more seriously, "because I want to spend time with you".

"I've missed you lately" Edward said quietly, "Henry has taken up so much of our time. I miss seeing you throughout the day when we are not passing over duties or taking turns rocking our crying son. I miss talking with you before bed. Not even something as big as that- I miss you not being asleep when I make it up to bed so I can kiss you goodnight".

Jane sighed, taking his hand in hers and bringing it to her lips.

"You are not very upset by it though, are you?"

He shook his head. "If the price of having a son is that I have to share him with you, then I would be very selfish indeed to be upset by it- by any of it, for you have made me happier by giving me Henry than I ever could have imagined myself to be".

She allowed him to pull her into an embrace, his face buried in her stomach. She smiled as he kissed her gently.

"Edward" Jane asked softly, "Will you let me try something"

"You sound determined"

"I am. And I am afraid I need you for it, and may let you down in trying"

He raised his eyebrow at her,

"Impossible. But you may use me in any way you want"

Jane started to undo her dress slowly and somewhat awkwardly from behind. Edward watched her curiously until understanding dawned upon him. He took to taking off the clothes he had only just put on until he was standing in just his shirt. He reached his wife in one stride and stepped behind her,

"Let me help" he said, gently.

Jane dropped her fumbling hands and allowed Edward to undo her corset.

"It has been so long since I've worn one, I believe I have forgotten how to take it off"

"Well, luckily for you, I have not"

And indeed it fell to the floor at Jane's feet with a soft thud. She now stood only in her slip, and was free to turn and face her husband, feeling her own flush of feeling running through her body to the very tips of her fingers. She had restrained herself for so long, but now she was healed, and free to do so carefully at first, and with caution.

Edward put his hands under his wife so he could lift her legs up to wrap around his waist. Jane put her arms around his neck and kissed him lovingly as he walked them back into a nearby wall, pressing Jane's back against it.

Jane gasped. The rush of feeling and want and desire that rushed through her body was immense. She wanted him now, this instant, and did not want to wait, wanted none of the formalities.

"Love, what is it?" Edward asked, kissing her neck and jaw.

"I want to make love slowly and passionately and I want it to last a few long time" Jane said, more frankly than she intended to answer. Edward pulled back and grinned at him.

"Sounds wonderful to me"

"But I also do not want to wait another moment before being with you, even speaking like this is wasting time".

At these words, Edward moved her easily back to the bed, laid her down, and took off her nightdress in one sweeping motion. She felt the cool air hit her skin, and it prickled every bit of her desire to an unbearable degree. She pulled her husband close to her as he shed his final bit of clothing too and felt a soft kiss on her forehead before he he moved inside of her.

She cried out, her own desire threatening to drown her. She had wanted him for so long, and had held back so much that now when he was here and inside of her she could barely comprehend how happy she felt. He was moving now, slowly at first, but at Jane's indication he picked up the pace, grunting back his own sounds of pleasure as Jane's fingernails clawed his back. He was trying desperately hard not to be rough with her, to be careful in spite of her desirous, inflamed words. Jane moaned, hearing it soon interrupted by the sudden shock of her breath hitching in her throat. Edward, wanting to drive her over the top instantly, moved his thumb to the intimate spot which made her burn like fire. He suddenly stilled within her, gasping, and Jane felt a release and waves of feeling buried her in immense love and bliss.

Jane did not know how long she lay there, waiting for her head to stop spinning, or for her heart to slow once again. It thumped loudly in her ears, obscuring every other sense she had. She barely felt her husbands lips brush her forehead, or move her hair out of her face. She reached for him, for some part of him with her eyes still closed, and felt his shoulder, for he must have been looking upon her. She massaged it gently, trying to convey an appreciation that for now she could not vocalise.

. . .

"Do not say it"

"You do not know what I was going to say"

"I do indeed. And if you promise to inform me if I was right, then I will tell you now"

Jane nodded,

"You were going to apologise for our lovemaking being quick and for not thinking of me, even though I would have told you multiple reasons why that does not matter to me, and then you would have apologised for just laying here since"

"Well, I was not going to apologise for laying here, for it is only now I can line my thoughts up enough to speak"

"And who is to blame for that?"

Jane kissed her husband in reply and cuddled into his shoulder.

"But were you going to apologise for the rest?"

Jane looked up at him, her answer already formed, but she shook her head as her answer changed.

"No. I do not think I will anymore".

"Why?" he asked, grinning suspiciously at her.

"Because I do not have to. Because I am comfortable with you, and because you asked me to be honest and I intend to be honest with you, always. I have a luxury with you that most women do not share with their husband, and that is a level of comfort and trust that is hard to express. I enjoy being fully honest with you because it shows the intimacy we share together perhaps even more so than the lovemaking we just did"

"But it does come at a cost. In order to have such you must be with a vulcan-like man twice your age, who lived a life of poor choices before meeting you, and still has a bad temper and poor aides to help reason with himself".

Jane smiled, "Without those things I do not believe that you would be my Edward, and thus I could never wish them away".

He pressed his lips to Jane's forehead, pausing before drawing back and caressing her arm with his thumb.

"I think about my relationship with you all the time. You are the only person I have ever been willing to change for, and yet you are the only person that has never asked me to change. You have never wanted me to be something I am not. You are the only person that has ever accepted me for who I am".

Jane rolled onto her stomach and looked up seriously into the face of her husband.

"It is unloving to ask someone to be something they are not, or to do something they are unable to do".

"You say such as if it is easy, and common knowledge".

"It is it not, it should be. People would be far happier".

They lay in silence for a little while longer before Jane spoke again.

"I imagined us making love again being far more different than it was. I wanted to make love to you slowly, and passionately. I wanted it to last a very long time, but instead I felt like a wild animal and tired myself out in the process so that we had to finish very quickly".

Edward chuckled,

"I quite like it when you are desperate- it makes you so responsive. It gives me the liberty to tire you out very quickly".

"But I wanted to make you desperate" Jane said, slightly disgruntled.

"Jane, you do make me desperate. So much so that I have to stop myself now from turning you over and making love to you again, and again, and again".

Jane blushed slightly, burying her burning face in her husbands chest.

"There is nothing worse, Jane, than to be with someone intimately and know they are not being honest. It shatters all the trust of the carnal act and thus all emotional gain one can take from it. You are so refreshingly honest in what you want, and yet it never overtakes your concern for me and my own pleasure. You do not know how unique that is".

"It cannot be too unique, if one loves their partner"

"No, you are right" he said, gathering her to him, "That is why you could go through life and never tell me again that you love me and yet I would still know it to be true".

"But I will tell you" Jane interrupted, "Again, and again I intend to tell you how much I love you".

"Mmm, good, because I will never grow tired of hearing it".

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to the top of his wife's head.

"Come now darling. I believe we have a trip into town planned, we must go before it gets too late in the afternoon. I believe we can resume this later..."

As Jane got re-dressed her husband stood before her, fastening her cloak around her. She could not help but feel a certain warmth from within as she watched him drape it around her shoulders. It was such a private moment to have him button up her cloak, to protect her, to keep her safe. After the sex they had just shared, it felt like him guarding her from all harm, from anyone knowing what they had shared together. No one, upon seeing them, would know of what happened just before their trip into town, but Jane would be glowing as they passed from shop to shop, and although no one would know exactly why, they would be able to see how excessively happy she was. In that moment, Jane wished for that sort of happiness for the rest of the world.


	101. Chapter 101

The walk into town from the Rochester's home generally took only half an hour along a stretch of pleasant road. The road was flat and lined with trees in full bloom on either side, creating a tunnel-like appearance as the trees interlocked in a sort of overhead. Warm sunlight poked through the individual trees and cast light onto the path before Jane and her husband as they pushed Henry along, talking to each other.

"How do you feel today, about the choice you have to make regarding the position of magistrate?" Jane asked, as soon as they had rounded the corner out of their estate land. Edward paused a moment, thinking before he answered. When he did speak, his voice sounded tired and weary.

"I know Jane that the decision I have to make will leave me feeling unhappy, but not as unhappy as I would feel being away from you and Henry all the time in accepting the post. So there is no decision to be made. Still, if only I knew the position would be going to a worthier candidate"

"It seems to me, as a person who was never granted even a look into local politics before you, that the system is corrupt no matter what way you try and fix thing"

"The system is meant to keep the rich in and push the poor out, Jane. There is a reason the meetings are highly privatised, and why women cannot enter and why they last so long. I am sure the men simply drink and smoke with each other as the primary activity and talk of politics flippantly. I no longer feel part of that class of men, though I am bound to them by status and an old name"

"And why care at all?" Jane asked, hearing the sound of the road crunching beneath her feet as she paused her train of thought, "Why not just live a quiet, happy life with no one to give you more grief if your life than you have already been given?"

He grinned very slightly, and answered firmly. "Because you care, and made me care. Because if we are to raise our children here, and make this our home, I feel like some part of me just wanted to contribute to that, for you and for Henry. The ironic thing is, anything I decided within those meetings would have affected you and Henry the least, and served to only give myself more power".

Jane walked closer to her husband, linking her arm into his as he pushed the pram along.

"I think, I may have found some sort of solution for you. Or at least something to help you sleep better at night"

"Oh?"

"Possibly. I found a sort of loophole in one of the law books at home, but the book is rather old and the law could have changed by now, though somehow I doubt it"

"What does it say?"

"Is says that if a magistracy is left in the lands of two equally qualified men of the same calibre of family rank and station, the position could be jointly held".

Edward sent Jane a telling look.

"I appreciate that darling, but there is no way that me and Lord, whatever, could share a duel magistracy. It would be impossible".

"Of course it would, that is why you could do it with Mr Eshton"

"Eshton?"

"Mhm"

"But Jane, Eshton just moved to this county, his ties are in the very south of England, there is no way those ties would be strong enough here"

"No, but the family he married into are. Anne's family has lived here for as far back as she could tell me, surely that would bind him here, even if it is only through marriage"

Edward thought over Jane's argument but could see no flaw in it. She was right, if Eshton's married relations held he would have the strongest claim on the position over anyone else. But Jane knew, and Rochester knew, that Eshton would not want to take on the responsibility alone. It seemed like the perfect solution. Edward looked around quickly and in seeing no one, pressed his lips to Jane's briefly.

"Edward" she scolded, slapping his arm lightly, "Someone could have been looking"

"I checked" he said reasonably. "And if they were, they would have seen you just abusing me"

Jane looked at him, trying to send a disapproving look but trying far more to mask her smile.

. . . . . . .

Town was filled with the same sort of life and excitement as it normally was, with people running across the roads lined with horses and carriages, people selling in the streets, women stopping to talk and men sharing stories loudly over the general chatter. Jane felt an odd sort of rushing familiarly as she stepped back into the cobbled streets and looked around at the attached buildings brimming with life. It had been months since she had been here, for her pregnancy had eventually stopped her from being able to walk far or, in even more desperate moments, at all.

Since news had spread of the previous magistrates retirement, most people had come to assume that Mr Rochester would take the position. Perhaps it was more hope than genuine belief, for Jane reflected on the fact that her husband seemed well liked wherever he went, with both servants and social equals alike. People stopped him in the street often to talk, but he had a way of making them swiftly depart, for Jane knew he did not want to isolate her from his company, nor was he a natural when it came to generating small talk. He enjoyed deep conversation, not fleeting questions of the general shifts or changes in his life compared with others. When Jane had told her husband that she found this thought amusing seeing as he had grown up in a world that required pleasant and light conversation, he reminded her of their first conversation, and the brute that he truly was when it came down to it.

Today was no different. People stopped the Rochester's every few feet, craning over the pram and staring in at their sleeping Henry.

"He's lovely sir"

"You must be happy sir, that you were given a son for your first child. Secure the estate, y'know"

"Young Mr Rochester is to grow up to be the man his father is, of that I am sure".

When the people had finally cleared away, Edward turned on Jane, looking bewildered.

"I do not even know that man's name and he is telling me my son is to be like me? Well surely that shows he does not know me, or wishes to insult me. For I plan on my son being far better than me".

Jane looked up at him, smiling.

"If he is half of you, he shall be very well off".

As they turned a corner, they stepped onto a slightly quieter area with less traffic and less noise. This was the street in which the bookstore lay tucked into a corner at the very end. This shop was reserved for those who were educated, Jane had realised that in her many trips there. There was a startling lack of variety in person who entered the shop. It was uncommon to see anyone besides older men, and there were certainly no other women whom Jane had ever seen in there. One time she had asked Anne Eshton to accompany her when they were in town and a very uncomfortable Anne had made it very clear that it was simply not the type of place women go. To remedy this awkwardness in future trips, Jane had lied to the clerk and established the story that she bought books for her husband, as he was far too busy to come into town himself. This story seemed to work, and seemed to place her in the role of the docile wife that everyone wanted her to be in. The clerk, she was sure, had never considered for a moment that women could be interested in biology, anatomy, philosophy, or any other subject for herself.

As they pushed opened the shop door, the clerk looked up and pulled himself into a straighter position.

"Good Day Mr Rochester sir"

"Good morning"

"And to you Ms Rochester, of course".

His forced friendliness was painful for her to bare. His friendliness made every difference in the world because it was the result of her husband now being there, and so he had decided to be considerably more friendly and seemingly helpful than he had ever been when she was alone.

"And what is it that I can help you with?"

"Nothing at present. We shall do well looking on our own. I believe my wife is quite familiar with your shop, she was surely lead the way".

Jane stifled a grin and proceeded to push the pram along the isles.

The store looked small from the outside, but it was only narrow. The store inside stretched very far back, and was lined floor to ceiling in books. Jane sometimes wished she could have been able to say something to the clerk, but she knew if she did there would be no access to the things inside. She could live in incivility, but not without books.

Jane rounded the corner and pointed to a selection of thick, ornately bound books.

"Somewhere here we will find it" she said encouragingly.

Edward, who was far more familiar with the law books at home, took no time in scanning the walls before he pulled from the wall a heavy book and read the gold lettered volume. He flipped through it briefly before identifying it as the correct book.

"It looks like, Ms Rochester, we have some new reading material for tonight"

"How very exciting" Jane replied, looking to her husband affectionately.

. . .

Outside in the streets again, with orders having been given to deliver the large book to the Rochester's home, the Rochester's continued walking for a little while, enjoying each others company far too much to turn around and go home just yet. Henry continued to sleep, and so Jane did not feel a pressing need to return him home either.

"You know" Edward said lowly to Jane, "I always enjoy being seen with you at my side. I am so proud of you, and everything you are. I want to make other people incredibly envious that you cannot be theirs as well".

"It is funny you should say such, for I thought the same thing of you right before we left. No, I am being serious- what is such a look for?".

He learned in closer to her and she slowed slightly to hear him.

"Darling, let us go home. There is much to do there"

"What do you mean?" she asked, rather confused at the tasks he had planned to complete of which she had no idea.

"Our _unfinished business_ from earlier", he cleared up, causing Jane to blush violently.

"Good things come to those who wait" she taunted.

"So I hear, though I have never had to wait very long".

At that moment, a harsh and heavy voice rang out from across the street.

'Mr Rochester, MR ROCHESTER"

Edward turned quickly, startled by the desperate tone of the voice and a man scrambling across the busy street. To Jane's surprise, the strong voice came from an old man who was familiar to her, in some way. As he dropped his signalling hand, he reached the Rochester's, looking determined and self-satisfied.

Jane knew from her husbands reaction that this man was not a friend to him, and the forced civility was evident as the man stopped before them.

"Mr Rochester, it is indeed you. I was not sure if it was"

"Lord Marcus, what brings you to town here? You are quite a ways from home"

"Not any longer. Me and Lady Marcus have relocated here as of last week. She was tired of the country, poor thing. Then tired of town. There is no pleasing them, is there"

Lord Marcus, of course. Husband to Blanche Ingram, and surprisingly different from the last time Jane had seen him. They had last meet at Diana's wedding some months since, and at that time he was quiet and reserved, hardly speaking a word. Now, Jane understood it to simply be a temperamental mood, for he was much revived in spirit. Still though, he appeared old and somewhat in ill health. He had a grey tone to his skin, his teeth were yellowed, and his stomach was so large that it almost touched Rochester as they spoke, though they stood well apart.

Edward had ignored the Lord's previous comment, asking instead what had inspired the move to this particular town.

"Well, Lady Marcus wanted it, of course. I should never choose to move to a place like this. When my children were much younger, my first wife, who passed of course of fever, wanted to raise children in the countryside. I hated every second of it. The dirt, the grime, the crowded towns that you cannot rid of the filth and those who perpetuate it. I swore I would never live in such a place again"

"Surely you must realise now that you have moved to that exact place again. Though this is town, you are very much in the countryside, Lord Marcus"

"Well, no, there you would be wrong. Not if I have anything to do with it. I intend to involve myself in local politics- give this place something to actually be proud of. Pride can do a lot, Mr Rochester. No more grime, no more filth, no more sly and lazy individuals here. This will be a working place, and that work will lead to a better place for all to live. But you do not look so impressed with my idea's, Mr Rochester"

"I am not impressed with your ideas, Lord Marcus. I believe them to be the signs of general ignorance towards the subject of which you speak".

"My, we have lost our civility"

"You will never have my civility, because you do not deserve it, nor do you deserve it of any other civilised creature living here. I find you abused. I find your isolating ideas of progress lacking in any sort of truth. You are exactly the sort this type of place does not need. Someone who floats from point to point, wherever they can gain power. You did not come here because of Lady Marcus, you came because you saw an opportunity to seize the power you know would be denied to you under normal circumstances. How can I have any respect for such a desperate person?"

"How dare you" the Lord barked lowly, trying to avoid attention being drawn to him. Edward had not raised his voice, he had not even appeared to be phased by the Lord. It was one of the wonderful things about him- he never questioned his own superior presence in the face of those who showed ignorance and a lack of respect.

'If you will excuse me, Lord Marcus, I have my wife and child to return home. Good day to you".

Jane did not bother to look over her shoulder as they walked away from him, yet she imagined if she did she would have seen a man purple in the face with rage. Edward sighed when they had rounded the corner out of town, coming upon the view again of dirt road and trees.

"That is not the last we have heard of him, Jane", he promised gravely.


	102. Chapter 102

**Hello,**

 **I got a review that I couldn't respond to personally that raised a very good point about certain details of my story, so I thought I would just address it here!**

 **So, the review said, in a constructive way, that my version of Mr Rochester is not true to the Edward at the end of Jane Eyre, as his arm was amputated and he lost one of his eyes in the fire of Thornfield Hall. Jane Eyre is one of my favourite books, if not my very favourite, and I absolutely _love_ the fact that in the book the injuries happen to Edward. I did not change it in my story out of me thinking he was less attractive with physical injuries, or because I thought that it didn't matter. It was simply because I found it hard when I was writing to keep remembering to put the detail in every time it was mentioned, because I referenced the earlier part of the book often for inspiration and of course there, he wasn't injured. That made my opening chapters confusing and inconsistent, so in my version, Edward got to keep his hand and he still started their marriage blind but came to be able to see again. **

**I changed my version of Edward because I am not writing the continuation of the real Jane Eyre (as much as I wish I had that talent to!), and to me, I do not think these details are vital to the characters in my version because in the book Edward needs the injuries to happen to him- he needs to be stripped of anything that gave him power over people in order to show he had changed, and he was redeemed. We, as readers, know this by the point where my story starts- Edward has already redeemed himself to us.**

 **To me, what the injuries represent is far more important than the actual injuries themselves.**

 **Thank you all, again and again for all the amazing support. This is just such a happy place for me to come and write, and all the support has been beyond amazing. I am beyond touched and humbled by all the love.**

 **I hope you all are really well! Thank you, thank you.**

 **xoxox**

 **. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Edward spent the following days pouring over the law book him and Jane had procured in town. Because he was not trained in studying law formally, the language was cryptic and confusing, so he could only read through it in small amounts. The notes he compiled were then read by Jane whenever she nursed Henry, and although she too found the law to be confusing, she could not find anything within it that could weaken Edward and Eshton's case for a joint magistracy.

Edward had invited Eshton over one night to discuss the possibility of the union in high spirits and as Edward had suspected, Eshton was enthusiastic to take part. Jane reflected that unlike her husband, Mr Eshton had a very slight streak within him for wanting influence over people , for he liked to appear important and like he constantly had a task at hand to be completing. Anne, who would be more than happy to have such an influential husband, wholeheartedly agreed as well. This set the path in motion for calling the other local magistrates into a meeting in order to discuss the new proposition. It was agreed upon to take place in two days time.

. . . .

The night before the meeting, Jane lay in her bed with Henry. He was now sleeping soundly, a complete change from the rest of the day. He had shrieked, and cried, and whined for the whole afternoon, and Jane was thankful beyond words that he now slept. He had fallen asleep here in her arms, and she did not dare more him for fear of waking him and starting the whole process of soothing him all over again.

She had hardly heard from Edward all day. He had dressed and rose very early and had not returned to speak with her for the rest of the day. Instead, Jane heard the seemingly continuous closing of door downstairs and different men's boots clicking over the foyer floor. She had had a slight feeling of unease as she sat here alone, wondering whether this was to be the way things would transpire if he was indeed granted joint magistracy with Eshton. But somehow, a voice in the back of her mind told her not to worry. Edward may be busy at the moment trying to sort out the newness and confusion of the situation, but she was certain he would never, ever let that come within him and his family. He would have sooner given away half his fortune and all of his magistracy power.

When the door opened to the bedroom Jane did not bother turning her head to confirm who it was. Edward made his way over to the bed and kissed Jane's forehead silently. He lifted the sleeping Henry gently from her arms and carried him out into his nursery next door without a word. Jane sighed and stretched out in the bed when she was free to move her body and noticed a stiff pain in her shoulder where she had been laying awkwardly. She rubbed it thoughtlessly. It was still early but she was tired and without the sound of the bedroom door re-opening, she may have fallen asleep there and then.

"Hello my love" Edward said, sitting onto the bed beside her. She smiled up at him as he look her hand, bringing it to his lips.

"Hello" she replied softly.

"I am so sorry for today. You look exhausted"

"I am, but I know how busy you were."

"No Jane, we will not be starting off this arrangement with excuses. I heard Henry was crying all afternoon, why did you not come and get me, I would have rescheduled my meetings, I would have stayed up into the night working instead".

The voice in the back of Jane's mind had been confirmed, and she felt at ease to reply to him honestly.

"I never intended to make excuses for you. Nor would I ever do such. But this is what marriage is, it is making sacrifices for the other person when they need it, and having a tired day here and there".

"Come now Jane, you must be more angry at me than that. I would rather you be honest with me than gracious"

She shook her head and pulled his arm slightly.

"You look tired too"

"I could not say I was without sounding like a complete-"

"Mm" Jane interrupted, squeezing his arm.

"So you will not scold me?"

"No. I would much rather go to sleep".

He went to speak but stopped himself, his face softening into a slight grin.

"Fair. Give me a moment"

Jane watched him shed his clothes piece by piece. She enjoyed watching him, mostly because he maintained that irresistibly attractive quality of not knowing how handsome he truly was- in his case he did not even suspect it. If he had expected for a moment that she would be watching him and admiring his form, and had acted differently because of it, Jane would have been instantly uninterested in him. But he still had within him every trait Jane had fallen in love with, and with the recent weeks of chaos and confusion, such qualities in his support for her had come through stronger than ever. She had once remarked to herself that she had made an idol of him, and could not see his fullness of character through such a view, but now she thought she saw him as an idol in his fullness of being.

Edward climbed into bed and Jane noticed the automatic action she at other times may have overlooked. He lifted his arm so she could crawl beneath it. The action had most likely become a habit in the infancy of their marriage because Jane was always cold at night, and Edward, because he could not see, liked to feel Jane with him as he slept. Jane relayed this train of thought to her husband as she cuddled into him.

"I do not sleep very well when you are not beside me now. Thankfully, that happens to me very little. Do you think we shall turn into one of those elderly couples that sleep in different rooms because we need space from one another"

"Only if you start snoring"

He looked sharply at her

"I am not serious", Jane confirmed.

"I know that. But come to think of it, I do not know that I can think of a couple who did not end up in a similar situation a few years into their marriage"

"Well, for most people I can imagine that would be preferable. If you married someone you did not love, imagine sharing a bed with them every night. Perhaps once the task of having children was completed, it would be comfortable for both to live apart"

"It was the case for my parents. For as long as I can remember, when my mother was alive, she never slept with my father. In fact, I saw them talk very little and they interacted with each other very infrequently. Servants served as the vessel to pass messages between them. They could not even gather it within themselves to walk into a different room to talk to one another"

Jane propped herself up on her elbow as her husband sat up, his back pushed against the headboard.

"What were they like together? I know of your fathers character, I know less of your mothers"

"In knowing, Jane, how you are such a natural mother to our son, I can say that my own mother was a very detached one. I do not say such to flatter you, but because what I experienced as a boy for motherly affection was so lacking, I am surprised by your natural ease and love. My mother hardly spoke to me or my brother- she certainly never disciplined us in any way. As a boy, you expect to be disciplined by your father and softly checked by your mother every so often. Because my mother took no part in how we were raised, it left no buffer between my brutal father and his sons. My parents always liked my brother better at any rate. I am not sure why, for as a boy he gave them far more trouble than I. I was rather quiet, reserved, but with an active and relatively free mind. My brother spoke everything he learned, experienced, and felt. He was unkind to servants and disobedient to what little rule my parents put into place. He often rode out on horseback in the middle of the night and returned at breakfast so that everyone would be present to witness his return. At first he was scolded, but eventually my parents decided they could get so satisfaction from trying to discipline such an unruly son, so they turned to me. It was then, out of anger and frustration, that I gave them far more to discipline me over. I am not sure they ever forgave me for that. At any rate, my mother and my father were brought into an arranged marriage by my mothers father which I believe was the root of all unhappiness in my family. I never meet any of my grandparents, but I heard they were of the same breed as my parents. It was always evident to me that my parents had no love for each other, but over time I did not find an ounce of respect or at least comradery in raising sons that they shared with one another".

"That is tragic" Jane said sadly, "Perhaps they could have been very different people if they were not forced to marry a person they did not love"

"Yes, but that does not elicit the right to take out your frustrations on your sons".

"No" Jane agreed, "Of course it does not. If anything, it gives you motive to protect them from the unloving life that you yourself have experienced"

"Surely Jane you cannot be the result of unloving parents. Surely they had a far better relationship than mine"

"In truth I cannot say for sure. My mother of course died when she gave birth to me. But I can deduce, from my fathers grief, that he did indeed love her very much. They did not have a traditional marriage, for my mother came from a far wealthier family. The fact she married my father surely caused some strain in the family. Whether or not, however, they would have been good parents had circumstances been different, I will never know. I believe I reminded my father too much of my mother, I think it pained him to look upon me. I was the end result of him losing his wife, and for him it was perhaps not enough. I did not see him much growing up, for he was busy, and always travelled. I was not there when he died, under his wishes".

"Would you have wanted to be there?" Edward asked, sensitively.

"Yes, I think so. It would have made things easier for me. It would have made being shipped off to my cold aunt's house at least understandable".

"But you do not hold that against him?"

"No, of course not. It was his choice, and I respect it".

A silence fell over the resting pair until Jane pulled herself into a seated position in front of her husband.

"And how are you?" she asked him, seeing his sunken eyes and sallow complexion. Her hand reached for his face, smoothing the line of his brow and trailing her thumb over his lips, "in all honesty"

"Happy. Tired. Worn out"

"That is a lot to feel at once"

He grinned

"I am sure it won't be when you tell me how you feel, in all honesty".

Jane paused, allowing her husband to reach for her hand and play with her fingers as she thought.

"I feel...very grateful, very tired, drained of my energy, and yet I could not be more content".

"Mmm" Edward murmured, pressing his lips to Jane's slowly, and sensually. He pulled her gently forward, spreading her legs apart his his own as he manoeuvred her onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged at his hair lightly as he deepened the kiss. Jane pushed him down onto the bed so that she was kneeling before him, not breaking the kiss as she started to shed her nightdress. In an instant it was off without reservation, and Edward's warm hands were covering her cold body. His hand trailed her arms, across her breasts, his thumb rubbing her nipple as his fingers left shivers all over her body. He sat up to kiss her stomach, her neck, collarbone, his skillfull tongue leaving her skin alive and electric. His mouth moved to her breast, and in moving his hand to the small of her back and forcing her up, he sucked.

Jane arched her back into him, throwing her head back as he worked. He drew back every so often to watch his beautiful wife, who was so responsive and opened to him in every way she could be. But these periods of inactivity bothered her. She groaned in disapproval when he stopped. He kissed her lips sweetly and smiled at her slightly furrowed brow.

"What?" he said softly, "Is that not enough?"

"Not when you tease me in such a way"

"Tease you? How?" he asked, his hand trailing the inside of her leg and his fingers brushing feather light over her wet, wanting place.

Jane felt a lump in her throat, the hard lump of repressed desire and want.

"Edward Rochester" she said, her voice hoarse, "You told me that once we were married you would not deny me anything"

"And I intend to keep that promise" he confirmed, skimming his fingers again long Jane. She bucked slightly into his touch and he smiled.

"Then what are you doing now?"

"You see" he said, placing his thumb on Jane's most sensitive and responsive area and rotating in deep, continuous circles. Jane felt her eyes roll back in her head before they were forced shut. She bit her lip painfully. "I like when you are made to wait, there is always a little patch of red on your chest, and your gasping and moaning and begging is music to my ears".

He turned Jane onto her back and moved over her slowly, he pulled her lips towards his ready mouth and brought his tongue in to do the work that his hands had just done. Jane cried out at the feel of him, at the familiarity of the act that sent waves like fire through her body. He dipped into her, and Jane covered her mouth to quiet the noise of need that erupted from her like trumpet call.

Edward drew back momentarily and took her hands down,

"I want to hear you" he said firmly, but it was not a demand.

Jane shook her head,

"There is no one around to hear" he continued, teasingly kissing the spot where her hips met her womanhood. It was agony.

"I do not care about anyone hearing besides Henry. If he wakes up-"

"Then I will take care of him" Edward finished, pinning Jane's hands above her head and kissing her into silence. She could taste herself on his lips and did not resist him again as he pulled her hips back to his lips.

"Ahh" Jane half pleaded, half gasped, again. She could feel the colour in her own cheeks, the sticky sheen of sweet over her face. She reached for the hair on top of Edward's head and grasped it tightly in her hand. It did not seem to matter to him, however. Jane felt a shudder move over her body as her painful pulsation in her stomach intensified. She naturally tried to pull away but was stilled by her lovers hand. Her body curled as the wall of feeling smashed into her and she was showered in the debris of her own desire. She looked down at her husband, watching her like she was the most beautiful thing the world had ever created. Strangely enough, despite the very intimate act they were engaging in, this was the thing that made her feel shy, and like she had to shield her face from him.

Instead, Jane pulled him up to her and kissed him in a different way- not needing, or wanting, or passionate, but in a loving and intimate one. It had surprised him, but he responded to her instantly, placing his hands in the small of her back to draw her closer to him. His damp curls touched her face and she smiled, the scent of him and his lovemaking filling her head.

"You transfix me" she breathed to him, moving a curl away from his forehead to reveal his eyes. His dark, searching, feeling eyes. He chuckled slightly and kissed her forehead as Jane sat up and manoeuvred him so that he lay before her, spread in his full manliness.

She set to work kissing every inch of him she could, in running her hands over his strong, solid form. His arms and legs flexed and relaxed as Jane's lips braised over him. His deep, masculine groans were something Jane thought she could listen to for hours. His confidence, his unwavering gaze from her expect in moments where his head was pushed back into the pillow, was something Jane was jealous of. He trusted her so much, and his vulnerability was so raw that it was hard not to be moved by the presence of him.

Jane put her hand flat against his chest to push him back as she moved a trail of kisses down his stomach to his manhood. But she drew back, looking at her husband authoritatively.

"Remain very still" she said, "Do not move".

She moved her hand slowly to her husbands manhood and watched his chest rise and fall drastically as she began to move her hand back and forth at a purposely slow pace.

"Jane-" he groaned, frustrated.

"Shh, no talking either".

He thumped his head back onto the pillow and closed his eyes in a disgruntled fashion, causing Jane tremendous trouble in trying not to laugh. She knew he wanted to object to her unusually painful slow pace, but she wished to make him suffer for once- though secretly she didn't know if her reserve would hold up that long.

"Jane no. You are driving me mad" he said, sitting up slightly and grabbing her arm.

She laughed, pushing him back onto the bed and pinning his hands to the side.

"Stop it, you aren't aloud to do that"

"Says who?"

"Me"

"You are torturing me"

"Good, you deserve it"

He looked in amazement upon his wife.

"No moving, no speaking".

"Can I touch you?"

"No, that requires you to move"

"Not if you move closer to me.."

"I do not think so"

"What if-"

"Shh"

Edward put his fist to his mouth as Jane continued, continually teasing in the changing of her speed. She could see Edward's brow furrow and relax as beads of sweat appeared on his forehead.

"Just a little-"

"Edward!"

"Jane darling, I am just- wait, where are you going?"

Jane had gotten to her feet and moved off the bed towards the window.

"Oh no you don't" he objected, instantly at his wife's side.

"Where are you going?"

"You were not listening to me" she said, trying very hard to look disapprovingly at him.

"You knew I was a bad listener when you married me"

"Indeed. What I did not know is what a unfair lover you would be"

"Mmm, well, it has never seemed to be a problem before now".

Jane bit back a smiling retort as she wrapped her arms around her husbands neck and held him close to her. He hugged her in a close embrace, kissing the top of her head.

"And what is this?" he asked in a changed tone.

"I did not think of my plan through, outside of the covers it is very cold".

He took Jane by the hand and lead her back to the bed, guiding her down softly onto the warmed blankets.

"I can fix that" he promised, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it devotedly.

He positioned himself to enter his wife, standing before her and holding her legs on either side of him. She looked up at him as he became fused with her, and the fire in Jane's chest was soothed in momentary familiarity. He moved one of Jane's legs over his shoulder and pushed into her deeper.

Jane gasped at the deep sensation of him, clutching at the bed sheets desperately. He had been cautious the last time they had made love, was careful of her newly healed body and the prospect of having sex with her again. Now he was far more comfortable, and allowed himself to take the lead without validating everything with Jane. As he pushed rhythmically in, and out, in, and out, Jane's eyes were forced shut.

"Stay with me darling" he said, kissing Jane's leg.

And then the feeling of complete oneness with each other, the final meeting of repressed feeling and overwhelming desire. The feeling of all the breath in ones lungs being snatched away and being rushed to their brain, making everything feel foggy and unclear. Edward grasped the bedpost, crying out as he came a few seconds later, collapsing onto his stomach beside his wife.

Jane lay quite still for a while, looking up at the ceiling, marvelling at her own breathing as it steadied and her heart as it stopped pumping dangerously fast. The room was completely silent apart from the cracking fire and her own husbands soft thoughts. She turned and found him facing her, smiling at her peaceful and content face.

She moved her finger down the line of his muscled back. He smiled sleepily at her and closed his eyes, sighing.

"You have a very big day tomorrow, you should sleep" Jane encouraged.

"Mmm, right now I do not want to think of anything besides you"

"What about your nice, warm, comfortable bed?"

"Not even close to being as good"

Jane, beginning to feel the cold on her naked skin again, and worrying if she did not move now she would become too tired to do so at all, climbed into the blankets. She pulled them up so that only her eyes were visible outside of them. Edward rolled onto his back, and looked at her, laughing to himself as he dragged himself under the covers.

"How am I supposed to kiss you goodnight like that?"

"Make it quick, I am very cold"

She pulled down the blankets, felt a quick peck on the lips, and pulled them back to their original position. Edward clasped the back of her head and drew her nearer, kissing her forehead slowly.

"I love you" he said, his voice brimming with honesty, "I love you in every imaginable way a person can love"

Jane pulled down the blankets again, this time in order to free her arm to move her hand to her husband's cheek.

"I love you" she said, trying so desperately hard to convey everything she felt in the simple, common and extraordinary words.


	103. Chapter 103

The next morning was a chaotic one.

Henry began crying around 5:00, and Jane and Edward had an argument about who would take care of him.

"Edward your meeting is first thing, let me"

"No, it is already five, I will need to wake up not too far from now anyways"

"And I will have to feed him, which you cannot help with. Get back into bed"

So, Jane remained with her fussing and unhappy son for the remainder of the morning, rocking him and bouncing him in her arms. Ms Miller would not be by on this particular day, for some of her children had fallen ill, and she was taking care of them. Jane thought of walking down to the house later to wish the children well, and perhaps to bring them some herbs from the kitchens, but she quickly remembered that while the children were sick, she could not bring little Henry near them, for he was still so fragile as an infant and bound to take ill himself. So, she asked a servant from the kitchen to bring them instead, which she agreed to happily. Jane knew this particular young girl in the kitchen loved walks, and would appreciate the time away from the hot and busy kitchens.

When Edward was dressed and ready, he entered the nursery in search of his son.

"Where is my little boy?" he asked, moving towards Jane and lifting Henry into his arms. "Hello Henry. I could not go off this morning without saying hello to you"

Jane smiled, placing her head on her husbands shoulder and tickling their sons belly.

There was a knock on the door and Edward called for the person to enter. John stood in the door, his back hunched, looking far more tired and old than Jane had ever noticed him to be. His skin was like paper, and his complexion was dull and looked unhealthy. She was taken aback by the look of him for a moment. He did not even appear so the day before, how could he be so changed overnight?

"Sir, Mr Eshton is arriving now"

"Thank you John, I shall be down directly".

When the door had closed behind the bowing servant again, Jane turned on her husband.

"Dammit, there is never enough time. How much I wish I could stay in here with the two of you"

But Jane's eyes had lingered on the spot where John had just vanished.

"I know. I've noticed too. The time for him to retire comfortably on our estate has come. I will speak to him tonight"

Jane nodded, emotion welling in her chest. Edward kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back affectionately before kissing Henry's cheek, bouncing him lovingly in his arms.

"I will see you both soon" he promised, "I love you"

"I love you"

. . . . . .

The guests came all at once in a flurry of activity downstairs. Jane felt it would be rude, and it would not serve her husbands case, to not make an appearance of some kind. So she descended the stairs a little after the dignitaries had arrived and found them all mingling in the foyer, speaking of general topics and in light conversations. To Jane's delight she saw Anne stepping in through the entrance, smiling up at her.

"Hello Jane" she said lowly, after moving through the crowd of black coats and white collars, "Mr Eshton suggested I come with him today as I would be alone for the day. I hope I am not an inconvenience, or that you have other company".

"No, of course not. I was planning on spending the afternoon with Henry"

"Of course you were. Where is the little darling?"

"He is up in his nursery with Jenny. You may go up if you like, I was just going to meet a few people as Ms Rochester before returning back upstairs"

"Then I shall see you shortly"

When Jane turned around she was suddenly aware of everyone's eyes on her as there was a hushed murmur among the talking of the crowd. She could not place why- she could not even imagine why. She was instantly insecure and wanted nothing more than to avert her eyes to the floor and vanish into the walls where no one's searching eyes could find her. Then suddenly a more familiar and friendly face emerged from the crowd, and Mr Eshton stood before her.

"Hello Ms Rochester, and how are you?"

"Very well Mr Eshton, thank you".

The more they talked quietly amongst themselves, the more the crowd pulled their gaze away from Jane and returned to their own conversations. Jane sighed and Mr Eshton tisked quietly.

"I'm sorry Jane. I know you hate the spotlight being shone on yourself"

"I only hate stares. Why were they staring? Have they never seen a woman before?"

"Oh I dare say the men in this room have seen a few women in their time. It is because you are not the type of wife these men have waiting at home. You are involved in your husbands affairs, you are young, just had a child, and have quite a reputation in the town for being educated"

Jane felt a dark flush come to her cheeks and fought desperately hard to combat it.

"..And humble" Eshton continued, smiling kindly. "I think it confuses the men. It is so unlike what they have come to expect from their own wives".

"I should have followed Anne upstairs" Jane speculated, but Eshton laughed.

"Anne was already bombarded at the door on my behalf. I think she would have gone to sit on the roof if it meant avoiding such looks again. Oh, there is Lord Nelson, I must speak with him immediately. I shall see you soon, Jane".

At the moment Eshton departed Jane watched a man's eyes fall upon her as if he had been waiting for the second that Eshton would leave. He abandoned his conversation with a wig-wearing magistrate mid way through and moved to Jane swiftly. He was tall, robust and attractive for his age of perhaps mid fifties. His hair was white, but his face was young and seemed somewhat fresh, at least in intention.

"I am Lord Kingsley. You must be the young Ms Rochester"

Jane took note of the way he emphasised 'young' and remembered Eshton's predictions of why she had been such an object of interest. Afterall, Jane Rochester was the same as Jane Eyre- very far from a natural beauty.

"I am Ms Rochester indeed"

"Then tell me Ms Rochester, how did you do it?"

"I am sorry?"

"How did you do it? How did you make all this come into being?"

"Again, I must ask for clarification. I cannot imagine what you refer to"

"This! This gathering of people here today. I must say, the scale of it is rather exceptional for a local magistrate appointment".

"I am sorry your Grace, but you assume wrong. There is nothing I did today to make this happen"

"Then surely you must offer me some explanation for why we are here. Mr Rochester has never before expressed an interest in politics, and now that he is married he is the very epitome of a lawful man"

Jane felt angry. She did not like what this Lord Kingsley was implying, nor what he wanted to hear from her.

"My husband's interest in politics is not new, and nor is it inspired from any source that is beyond himself. At any rate, I believe that people change over time, that the timeline of one's interest does not matter more than the passion behind it"

"Do you indeed? I should very much like to hear what else you believe at a different time"

"I do not think that will be the case, Lord Kingsley. For what other occasion would we ever have to be in each others company again?"

Before he could reply there was a call made for the men to enter into the main room for the hearing. He was momentarily distracted by the order, but did not forget to answer Jane before moving with the crowd. His voice was low, and he smiled wickedly in such a way that incited fury within Jane.

"Perhaps you are too newly married to understand, Ms Rochester, that men and women create situations to be in each others company all the time. It is a matter of effort, not chance that two people are together".

Jane stepped firmly off the step where she perched to address him unreservedly.

"It is no wonder then that so much of the effort of men in England is wasted, if indeed it goes to such an unworthy goal. I am left with no surprise that men like my husband are needed so desperately in politics".

Lord Kingsley still looked surprised when he was escorted into the main room moments later. Jane grinned to herself as Edward appeared in the doors, smiling warmly at his wife as he moved to close them.

"Thank you darling" he said, lowly. And then he was gone.

. . .

Jane told Anne the story that she thought was amusing regarding Lord Kingsley, but Anne's reaction was different from what she expected of her typically good-humoured friend.

"Oh Jane, Lord Kingsley is perhaps the most infamous man in the courts of England. I am shocked he even had the courage to show himself here today. He got in some serious trouble not very long ago in the courts and was put on temporary hold from attending meetings".

"Then what gives him the right to come here?"

"Oh, local politics is not held to the same standard. He would not be exempt from physically coming, but he would face a great deal of shame in doing so"

"Well, I am not sure this man is even capable of experiencing shame"

"Too correct. Oh Jane I am sorry. No women should have to endure his company. If anyone deserved the title of pig, it would be him"

"I think I know the answer to what I am about to ask you, but what did he get in trouble for within the courts?"

Anne smiled ever so slightly,

"For being quite... _intimate_ with the Chief Justice's wife"

"Ah, then I am not wrong".

Henry began to cry in Jane's arms and she rocked him, trying to soothe him.

"Oh darling, what is the matter? What is wrong?"

Anne smiled at them, sighing in an almost oddly nostalgic way.

"Has he been any better at sleeping through the night?"

"No, and Ms Miller does not suspect there will be a major change until he will be almost one"

"Goodness. That is a happy prospect to look forward to. And I assume then you are up half the night?"

"Indeed. I am up one half, Edward is up the other"

Anne looked genuinely surprised. She surveyed Jane, looking rather curious as if what she had said was meant to be a joke that she did not quite understand.

"Really? Edward gets up during the night to take care of Henry?"

"Of course. It is his son after all"

Anne chuckled, shaking her head.

"You two amaze me. You are simply wonderful as man and wife, perhaps because you are so nontraditional".

Jane moved the now fussing Henry to her shoulder and bounced him gently.

"I am sure we are still rather traditional, just perhaps not so traditional as others. But it does work for us. I do not think it would be fair for a wife to be the only one to care for the child".

"No indeed, but it is the job of the nurse, which of course you do not have".

Jane shook her head, looking to her friend thoughtfully.

"You must think me so strange, a new mother, new to this way of life, and trying to do it all without a nurse. I do have my reason, however"

Anne laughed, "I know indeed you do. It may be strange, but I think it perfectly wonderful. Everyone should live the lives the way they see fit, its just that not everyone has the courage to".

. . . . .

Anne stayed the whole of the afternoon. The day was long, and the meeting did not seem to break for any period of time. Eventually tired, and hungry, Anne resolved to go home without her husband.

"Oh no" Jane protested, "Please, stay for dinner. It will be no trouble, and I would enjoy your company. Besides, Henry has just fallen asleep, we shall be free to chat at length for a little while anyways".

A crooked smile landed on Anne's face as she answered,

"I would actually enjoy that immensely. We have a new chef, you see, and she is still learning the way around the kitchen. We have had some interesting meals"

"Indeed?" Jane asked, laughing, "Well I suppose everyone must learn at one place. She is lucky she has such a forgiving mistress"

"But of course!" Anne continued, "I would not blame for poor girl for a few burned puddings in a new setting. But I did promise to return for dinner to try what she had prepared for the day. I do not wish to be rude and not show up".

"Oh no, you are very right" Jane confirmed, nodding, "I am sure she is excited to show you what she has come up with".

But Anne rocked on her feet, looking undecided.

"I thought Mr Eshton would be finished by now. He ordered for the carriage to come at four, but indeed he must have sent a message to have it delayed-"

"Because he knew you would be welcome to our coach. The journey is short, and the horses have not ridden today".

Anne smiled knowingly, as if she knew there was not even a need to ask her friend for such- she could have simply taken the coach and Jane would have thought nothing of it.

"Thank you Jane. Will you pass on to Mr Eshton I have gone home?"

"Regretfully", smiled her friend.

. . .

As Jane stood on the front steps waving to Anne she felt a wave of reflection break over her. As the carriage wheels carried it off further into the settling day, Jane felt strangely alone.

It was an odd feeling that Jane experienced strikingly infrequently now. She had spent the majority of her life residing in a place where she was entirely alone. She had always been dependant on the fact that if all else was to leave her in the world, she could make her way on her own with her own skills and intellect. Now, however, with a husband and a child and wonderful friends, she doubted such a life could suit her again...or could it?

Was this life of hers not so much like a dream that if it all ended tomorrow she could have accepted it as such? She surely felt like an impostor in her own life still- having servants,fine clothes, endless books and practically anything she wanted all seemed at times like something that would end- that would have to end. And yet she woke every morning to the same reality, and she wondered if over time she would stop having that realisation every time her eyes opened in the morning.

It was the kind of late evening which forced reflection upon every thought and feeling. Even the setting sun pulled at Jane's heartstrings in a way it normally did not have the power to. She thought of the day when her son would look up into the sky and point to it, and ask why it glowed so orange and yellow in the dying sky rather than remain a beautiful blue, or a dreary grey. She was suddenly filled with excitement for all that was to come for Henry, and all that would be before him in a life he would get to live.

Jane reflected that she would have liked to stay forever on this step, watching the sky until it had dissolved into night, but already she was walking back to her room, barely hearing the noise from the main room or the sound of her own footsteps ascending the staircase. She felt indecisive- hungry but not. Tired but not. Wanting to read but also wanting to sit and do nothing. She stood still on the stop in the upstairs corridor, wondering what to do. Her resolve, which was to go to her bedroom and wait to eat until Edward returned, resulted in her sitting before the lit fire, looking into its glowing flames. She barely saw the flames however, her mind drifted from point to point, suspended only by her own introspective mood.

She was not long in kicking off her shoes, and loosening the back of her dress so she could be a little more comfortable. The feeling of relief was worth the awkward tangle of the corset back of the dress. When Jane had settled again before the fire she stretched and caught sight of a scar on her leg she had largely forgotten about. It was healed now, and only a person looking very closely could have noticed, but the way the light of the fire flickered across Jane's body she could see it rather clearly. It had been the result of the struggle which had ensued when she was attacked down by Mr Franklin all those months ago. He had forced her up against the tree in the yard where she had been waiting in the rain and the bark had torn a gash in her leg. Seeing it now did not stir up much emotion aside from understanding how lucky she had been compared to other women, women who perhaps even felt such from their husbands on a daily basis.

She did not care that the scar had marked her body- her body was full of marks now that she had not had before. Her legs and arms both carried marks from her having smashing a mirror over her head and being forced against a tree against her will. Dark stretch marks which had appeared on her body during pregnancy had now largely vanished, but the imprint was still there and she assumed would always be. Her body itself was marked from giving birth. And yet none of this mattered, not at all. Perhaps if she had a husband who cared more, or if she felt less like a women because of them, but she did not.

Jane stared blankly into the fire, remembering the first time she really, truly studied up her own body. Of course she had observed her own body changing as she matured into a woman, but she had assumed at that time that it would only ever be herself who saw it, so it had not mattered at any rate. On her wedding night, however, she was forced to imagine that someone else would have access to it as she did.

Jane's mind drifted further into imagining that night..the feelings had been so potent she could access the memory at any time like it had happened mere minutes ago...

. . .

After dinner, Edward had assured Jane that he would be in his room until she returned to him, having readied herself for bed. His words had caused a lump in her throat, though in answering him it could not be detected. She felt silly for her nerves, torn equally between feeling perfectly comfortable and feeling perfectly inadequate. He had been so calm and self-assured when he spoke to her and yet his words did nothing but cause torment within her.

Jane changed out of her dress at a deliberately normalised speed, not wanting to rush or take too long. She folded the dress on the edge of the bed that she had slept in for the past few nights, understanding that the previous night had been the last time she would sleep there alone. That thought had been comforting, for it was not the intimacy she feared, it was the unknown. She was positive her new husband would know things, perhaps even expect things of which she had no knowledge. Above all, she did not want to disappoint him.

Jane stood before the mirror of her bedroom naked as she had been many times before. But this time her observing eyes looked for only imperfections, or things which could possibly not be to the taste of a man. She was rather small, with no curves or striking features- and she certainly had no natural beauty to pride herself upon. She supposed her hair was nice, for it was now loose and hung in long curls down her back. Even in twirling a curl around her finger though, she felt insecure. She hurriedly slipped her nightgown over herself and looked back in the mirror to see her familiarly plain self looking back at her. Not knowing what else to do, and not wanting to prolong her nerves, she left her room and walked down the hallway, pausing before pushing opened the door of her husbands room without knocking.

Edward sat in an armchair by the fire, looking blankly into it. He was quite relaxed, having discarded his jacket and unbuttoned his top button of his shirt. He had already removed his shoes and looked like he had dragged his hand through his hair to loosen it as well. His calm and easiness of being put Jane at ease, for his mind was not occupied with expectations, it seemed to be occupied with nothing at all. When he heard the door he looked up, waiting to hear the sound of his approaching wife.

Jane said nothing, but lowered herself onto his lap as she had done many times before, putting her arm around his shoulder. She was comfortable here, and felt at peace.

"Hello my love" he said, softly, putting his arm around her waist. Jane noticed how much more of his hand she could feel through the thin fabric of her nightdress, surely he must have noticed too. If he did, he did not embarrass her by acting like it.

"Hello" Jane replied, smiling, putting her head on his shoulder.

"You are tired" he said knowingly, "We can go straight to sleep my darling, if you like"

"No" Jane replied, "No. I have no desire to sleep".

He was taken aback at the quickness and honesty of her answer. It reinstated his faith in her desire to be intimate with him.

"Jane" he began slowly, "You know very well that I have wanted this for us for a very long time, in ways that you cannot even begin to understand just now. But I love you above everything else, and I want this to happen in the right way. If you are not ready, or wish to sleep, or want to stay up the whole night like this, I would be content to do all of those things".

Jane felt a little stab of guilt.

"Edward, can I be honest with you?"

"Of course"

"I wish to be with you, more than I trust myself to say. I want to give you everything I possibly can. I just do not know what to do"

His automatic and honest words managed to soothe the rapid beating of Jane's heart instantly.

"Trust me" he said lowly, his voice full of strength and masculine energy, "I only ask for your trust".

"You have my full trust. And my full heart" Jane assured him.

He pressed his mouth to hers in a slow and passionate kiss, holding her chin between his thumb and finger. He drew her in more deeply, and she pressed herself to him fully. He put his hand on the back of her neck and held her firmly to him. There was something different about his kiss, something more needing, and primitive. Jane allowed herself to be taken by him, overwhelmed by the feeling of his mouth on hers, making her head dizzy with desire.

When he pulled away Jane was left feeling disorientated, and like she was made of lead. Her small moan of frustration that escaped from her lips made her husband smile. He knew that if he took things slowly, if he could control himself, she would be mad with desire by the time he would take her her insecurities would melt away in the face of need. He stood up, lifting her gently from his arms onto the floor and walked her to the bed slowly by their interlocked fingers. She followed willingly, holding her husbands hand warmly between her own. Once that they stopped, he felt for her shoulders and ran his hand all the way down her arm to where the cuff of her nightgown ended.

"We are going to need to undress you for the next part" he said. Jane nodded, but as he could not see the action she spoke her confirmation instead.

"Lie back darling" he said, his tone half commanding, half gentle encouragement. She did as he asked and lay on her back before him. His hand reached for her leg and slowly began to drag the hem of the nightgown up until Jane felt the cool air hit her stomach, her breasts and finally her arms before it was lifted above her head. Edward discarded the item of clothing on the floor, not averting his attention from her.

There was nothing to hide now. She lay before him completely naked, completely exposed. But she felt strangely safe, and suddenly at ease with where she was. All her fear had manifested itself in her acknowledgement of how much she trusted the man before her.

Edward's hands set to examining her, painfully slowly. He grazed his fingers across her chest, down her arm, up her side and down her leg. Jane, out of no where, felt extremely frustrated. His touch was feather-light and agonising. She could not put into words what she was frustrated about, but she wanted more- wanted him to touch her more.

"Edward" she breathed, grabbing his arm.

"Hmm?"

She was suddenly embarrassed, she had not meant to practically beg him. She did not even know what she was asking for. He was only touching her, surely it took more than that...

But Edward seemed to know, for he smiled briefly and ran his fingers so devastatingly close to her core that she gasped audibly.

"I know, but I cannot give you that just yet".

Jane sighed in frustration as his thumb grazed over her nipple. She felt how sensitive she was, how much her body responded to his touch.

"You know" Edward began, kissing her neck, "One day, you will be able to tell me exactly what you want from me".

But Jane did not answer, she was too busy biting back a exclamation of joy as his mouth closed around her breast. She tried watching momentarily, but threw her head back against the pillow instead, pleasure rushing through her whole body to the tips of her fingers and does. As his tongue flicked her nipple she cried out, despite her desperate attempt to be quiet.

He looked up unseeingly at his wife, feeling for her arms and pulling them away from her mouth.

"If I cannot see what you look like, I want to hear you" he said, warmly. And then, in a lower and deeper tone, he whispered in her ear. "You are so beautiful".

He pressed his lips to hers again, and Jane felt how much she wanted to press her body to his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he too made a noise of satisfaction as she deepened the kiss. But he broke the kiss to resume his previous task, except this time he took the other breast in his mouth and teased her others nipple. Jane felt something tightening in her stomach- a pressure she had never felt before. Her back arched and she pushed more of herself into his mouth. He grinned against her skin, pulling back to kiss her stomach sensually.

Like his hands had done before, he now studied her body with his mouth. He planted kisses all down her arm, across her chest, and stomach. As he kissed up her leg she thought he was kissing impossibly high, keeping her away from what she wanted. But it couldn't be...could it?

"Part your legs a little for me darling" he said. Again she obeyed him and felt him duck his head between them. Surely he wouldn't?

But in an instant her own question was answered, he would. She felt his run his tongue along her and she moaned helplessly, trying to catch her breath. She felt light as air, and happier than she had perhaps felt in her whole life. The tightness that had subsided slightly in her stomach returned instantly and intensified ten fold. She slammed her hand into the headboard, trying to steady herself against the tumult of feeling building between her legs. And then his tongue slipped inside of her and she cried out his name in desperation.

Jane's own cries were drowned out by wave upon wave of pleasure shooting through her body like lightening. She heard the pounding in her chest rush past her ears as her eyes shut tightly. She pulled helplessly at Edward's curls, but she was too weak, even though her body felt lighter than it ever had. And slowly she listened and waited for her heart to slow, for her senses to return, for her head to clear of the fog of absolute bliss that had descended over it.

Edward had somehow moved up beside her, running his thumb around her parted, heaving lips.

Jane touched his face lightly before dropping her head onto the pillow again, feeling her chest rise and fall.

"I did not know humans were capable of feeling that" Jane muttered breathy.

Edward smiled, glowing with masculine pride.

"Not all humans are"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it can be a very different experience for people, depending on who they are with"

"Because some people are not very good lovers?"

Edward bit back a smile, feeling humbled by her lack of insight into what they had just shared.

"On a very surface level, yes. Some people are not good lovers. But, I think that is primarily because when you care about the person you are with, it is a very different experience. It cannot be surface, and cannot only be about your own desires, for you cannot silence the part of yourself that cares so deeply for another soul".

Jane looked at him, running her thumb along his jaw.

"How do you know that?" she asked,

"I have just learned it" he replied, softly.

Edward pressed his lips to Jane's once more, forcing his racing mind to be slow and gentle with her as he moved over her. She could not possibly know what they were capable of together- what he wanted them to share together, and he could not frighten her by blindly asking such of her. She needed to fall asleep that night at peace, and happy, not tormented by visions of him forcing himself upon her like an animal. He had no desire to do any such thing.

But she had been amazing. She had opened herself like a flower to him. Her trust and vulnerability spilled from every part of her, flooding him with confidence in himself and her. She had lay there, experiencing everything without fear or hesitation. She was beyond words.

Edward slipped his hand slowly between his wife's legs, no longer worried around frightening her by his touch. She gasped into the kiss slightly as his fingers slid effortlessly through sleek folds.

"Look at you" he said, "You are still so wet".

Jane blushed at the unembarrassed way he spoke of her,

"Is that wrong?" she asked, insecurely.

"No" he answered quickly, "No it is perfectly right. That is you wanting me".

"Oh". She marvelled at her own body, how in tune it was with her mind.

"Your turn to undress me" Edward said, sounding strangely amused. Jane watched him as he lay down on the bed, his shirt loose and somehow now pulled from inside his pants. He knew she would be hesitant, even reserved in doing this to him. But he wanted to show her from the very start of their marriage that they were equals, in every way. He never wanted her to be shy about asking for what she needed when she had the ability to do so, and that started in this moment. He was hers as much as she was his.

Jane moved, gathering all of her courage, and straddled him, sitting on his stomach as she moved her hands to his buttons. He groaned slightly, biting his lip in mixed arousal and amusement.

"You are not making this easy for me, Jane"

"What do you mean?"

"Sitting on me as you are now. Your small and slight fingers tracing my buttons"

Jane had reached the final button and pushed back her husbands shirt, revealing his chest. She set immediately to touching him, to touching his strong solid muscles and the soft hair of his chest. There was something irresistibly intriguing about him.

"Hmm" she mused contentedly.

It was too much, a man could only wait so long.

"Lie back darling" he said, manoeuvring her down slowly onto the pillows once more as he stood to slip off his trousers. Jane watched him, knowing he could not see the way she observed him, and the body that was so unlike her own. Her initial response was to look away, but she did not want to look away. She would not be embarrassed, she would touch and feel him instead. His level of comfort with her was almost intoxicating in its attractiveness.

Jane felt more relaxed this time in her exposed pose. She craved her husband to touch her, to make her skin feel like flame again. Surely there was more to what they would do...there had to be if that part of hers "wanted him" and he stood before her in all his natural male stature.

He kissed all along her body again, but this time it was not teasing and agonising as it was before. It was soothing, it was fulfilling. Her body arched into his confidant mouth- he kissed her where she needed to be kissed. If he paused momentarily, her moans of frustration were short, and quickly answered. He wanted her to be fully relaxed, and fully at ease.

As he kissed her body, Jane examined his muscles flexing and relaxing naturally as he worked. She thought she could observe this body for days. She ran her hands along him innocently, exploratory, sending unintended desire pulsing through her husband. But she could not continue, for feeling started to build in her again, and her heart began to thump in her ears.

Edward suddenly drew back from her stomach and kissed her lips lovingly. Jane looked at him mounting himself before her and felt a slight pang of fear mixed with exhilaration.

"Jane, this may hurt you a little. There may even be a little blood, but such will only be for a moment. I wish I could do more to prevent it-"

"All is well" Jane assured him bravely, trying also to assure herself. "I trust you".

"Alright" he said lowly, "Then I will need your legs parted again darling, just like that".

He kissed her forehead protectively before entering her slowly in one long thrust.

He was painful at first, the feel of him inside her was tight and uncomfortable. And suddenly he seemed to break through some invisible layer inside of her which caused her to wince in pain.

"Stay with me, my love. It will not be so for much longer, I promise" he soothed, looking slightly pained.

But as he had promised the pain had only lasted a few moments longer. The sharp sensation was replaced with a feeling of absolute fullness. The feeling that had grown painfully strong in her stomach and moved up into her chest was rekindled, this time with the intense power of raw desire.

And then he moved, rocking inside of her ever so slowly at first. She gasped audibly, the moan that followed releasing her pent up anticipation in one glorious breath. He moved faster now, increasingly attentive to her sounds and the feeling of her beneath him. Jane grabbed the bed cloths and balled them in her fist, gasping desperately. She felt the familiar sensation threatening to overtake her before feeling smashed into her with the greatest force of anything she had ever felt. She wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to home onto some part of him as her world spun and her head lost all knowledge of where she was. And suddenly she felt the most wonderful thing. A warmth spread inside her that did not come from herself and as she looked at her husband's face she saw that it was contorted in immense happiness.


	104. Chapter 104

As Jane's memory slowly dissolved around her she became aware of her surroundings again. Her room was still quiet, and she suspected that if she was not sitting directly in front of the fire she would have felt very cold. She had half expected to be aroused from her thoughts by Henry's cries, or the sound of footsteps on the hallway, but all had remained very still.

The memory she had been playing over in her mind left an expansive warmth within her chest, spreading all over her body. She could not help the smallest smile which played over her mouth. She understood now, more than ever, how different that night could have been for her. She knew what her husband had held back for himself in order not to frighten her, she knew he had moved with patience, and was gentle with her in spite of everything he must have wanted. And yet, without having experienced the vast and equal love she now did, she never would have known this, for he never would have told her something so selfish.

And yet, how many other women were left absolutely horrified in their wedding bed- stripped of all privacy and protection by the person who had promised to safeguard them. How many women did not know the difference between consummation and love? Surely without the stroke of miracle in Jane's life it would have been her too. Now it was easy to say that she never could have married St John, for in having known Mr Rochester she could not pretend, even to herself, that St John could have ever satisfied what she knew could exist between two people. But if she had never known Edward, things would most likely have been very different. She had never expected to marry for love, and if she did not know what love was then maybe her respect and admiration for St John would have made up her definition. What a stroke of divine luck it had all been.

The fire crackled loudly and Jane was aware for the first time how very hungry she was. She had decided that she would eat without her husband, for she had no way of knowing when he would finish and it was not worth the chance to wait. When she stood up, however, she screamed as her hand flew to her mouth. A dark figure was lying on her bed, his arms tossed over his head, staring up at the ceiling.

At the sound of her yell the figure sat bolt upright, looking alarmed and confused.

"Jane, for goodness sake"

"Edward, why did you not say that you had come in here? Good God, my heart is racing. You scared me".

"I did, but you didn't hear me, you were deep in thought apparently"

Jane blushed to herself as she waited for the rapid pace of her heart to slow. She must have been deeply in thought indeed.

"Jane Rochester, you are a vision" Edward said, amused at the sight of his dishevelled wife. Her hair that had touched the back of the armchair had loosened, just like the back of her dress which she had pulled opened to make herself more comfortable. Her shoes were still kicked haphazardly to the side.

"Did you just come up here?"

"I've only just come in here, but I sat with Henry for a little while he slept. The meeting ended a while ago"

At these words Jane made her way towards him, sitting on the edge of the bed and facing his outstretched body.

"Edward,I am so sorry. I did not even think to ask- My head was just so full, I thought about how it was going all afternoon but I just-"

"It all went well, very well, but there is time to talk of all that. Come here".

Jane allowed him to pull her into his embrace, with her back pressed to his chest. His warm arms around her made her smile, and she wanted nothing more than to remain like this for a very long time, if it was not to be forever.

"I am not used to seeing selfish Jane, so caught up in her own world and her own thoughts. Is everything alright love?"

"Oh yes, very much so. My thoughts were so consuming because they were so happy, not because they were unpleasant"

"Indeed? I would love to hear them"

"No" Jane responded, "They would make you far too conceited".

She sat up, pulling herself from her husbands embrace. Sitting cross legged before him, she reached for a curl on the top of his head and wrapped it around her finger gently. She wanted to just watch him, to see what she had studied a thousand times before. The odd sense of sentimentality that had washed over her still lingered in her mind, and she could have gushed to him every honest and deep feeling she felt for him at even the smallest movement, or the smallest hum of his voice.

He watched her knowingly. Jane had a feeling that he understood the way she felt, and she appreciated the fact that he did not ask her to explain. He only smiled up at her very slightly, studying her too as she watched his curl around her finger.

"Can I at least have a hint? I won't ask for more than that"

Jane eyed him sceptically.

"Edward Rochester, do you not think I know you better than that by now?"

"A small hint" he insisted.

Jane dropped her hand and looked at him, positive she was blushing.

"The first night we slept with one another" she said, rather cryptically. His face cracked into a sort of prideful grin as he nodded.

"Why were you thinking of that tonight?"

"I am not entirely sure. I feel sentimental and sad, and loved, and happy, and like I cannot possibly hold all the feelings that I feel right now. I suppose that is how I felt that night, in some ways"

"Where did you learn to be so vulnerable?" Edward asked seriously, "You of all people should have reason to distrust people, and hide away what you feel".

"But I do distrust people. You just happen to not be "people". You are mine. And I love you"

"I envy you Jane. I know that long since, in being given you, my sins have been washed clean. But I wasted so much of my life not being able to find my way, and making poor decision after poor decision trying to find a voice that was not ashamed. You are innately so vulnerable, even though you have a past that far out-rivals mine in misfortune. Why is it that you, with all your hardship and pain, came out a hundred times better than me?"

"Because you were rich, and had the money to enable your years of poor decisions. You also had people in your life leading by example, showing that living in such a way, if not good, was simply what one of a certain class does. I saw it in my own family too".

"Mmm" he said thoughtfully, leaning forward to kiss his wife's forehead.

"Just now" Jane continued, "When I was thinking about our first night together I was struck by something I have not considered much before now. Knowing what I do now about making love, and being with someone that I love as much as you, you must have had such high hopes, and such high expectations for us. Yet you never let on to me any of that, because I am sure you feared intimidating me. I know how much you held back of your own pleasure those first few days, and how much of an active choice that was. Was that hard for you?"

"No, it was not. I had high hopes out of sheer love for you. There was a time in my life when the woman's experience I was with was the biggest factor in how much I enjoyed myself. You perhaps don't know this as well as I, but being intimate with someone you do not love is very fleeting, because it is only about skin-deep pleasure that dissolves the moment your head hits the pillow. My high hopes for us came from believing that because I love you, far more than I knew how to say, it would be very, very different. And, it was. It was entirely new for me"

"But then why were you so cautious with me?"

"Because I knew the experience could be very shocking, and God knows I did not want to frighten you. If my own shameful amount of experience could be put to use, it had to at the very least be in a way that allowed myself to control my feelings for you- something which was far more difficult than I anticipated, by the way".

"Had you ever been with a virgin, besides me?"

"No, I hadn't. I intentionally sought out experienced women because I did not want the burden of having to show anything. And like I said, when the act is for shallow, personal pleasure alone, all you want is an experienced person who knows how to do the job right".

"But you did not find it a burden showing me?"

He smiled warmly,

"A burden" he sighed, slightly surprised and slightly amused, "Please do not tell me that your impression of that night is such"

"No" she answered definitively, "It is not".

"Good" he said, kissing her lips briefly, "Because I would not be able to live with myself if such was true".

"But please, tell me about the meeting" Jane implored, "It is far more important than what we have been talking about"

"I don't know...thinking of being the only one to touch you and love you in that way is about as good as it gets for me"

"Then love me a little more by indulging my curiosity"

Edward sat up, pushing his back against the headboard.

"Very well. The meeting, as you know was far longer than anticipated. But that was because there were some complications".

He paused, but Jane did not interrupt him so he continued,

"Lord Marcus arrived today in order to sit in on the meeting, but to my surprise he was not the one who caused a fuss. A man named Lord Kingsley came, who was in trouble with the courts a few months ago-"

"I know of him. I had the pleasure of meeting him earlier and Anne filled me in on his character afterwards".

Rochester looked cross as Jane spoke, so she put his mind at ease before he would continue.

"Well, Lord Kingsley felt that having a duel magistracy would be ineffective as it weakened the power of the position by having two people hold it rather than one, and that argument seemed to rally quite a bit of support. We could not sway the group away from the belief that two people holding the position would be bad"

"So what happened?"

"The best possible thing. Kingsley was positive that his position here historically has ties to an older family and so the magistracy would pass to him as a result. Turns out he was not made away that Eshton had married into perhaps the oldest family still living here with ties to its earliest local politics. He made a huge fool of himself, and Eshton was granted the position".

"But Edward" Jane began sadly, "You did not get what you wanted, you did not obtain the position"

"I got exactly what I wanted. Jane, I never wanted the pomp and circumstance of it all- the robes or the wigs, or the long meetings or long spaces of time that would separate me from you and Henry. That is why I asked for the joint magistracy in the first place. This is the perfect solution. Eshton has no strong political claims of his own, but he loves the ceremony of it all. He loves to travel, as does his wife. He will find it the most interesting experiment to date. I know that he will look to me for guidance, so I am ensuring that what I would have argued for will have a voice in court. Eshton is brave, and perhaps foolish enough to say whatever we talk of together, even if it goes against everything people are arguing. But you look disappointed in me darling, have I misjudged what you would think?"

"No, of course not. I am very happy for you if this is what you want. But as you say, Eshton has no political convictions of his own, how can you be sure he will not just let this role slip through his fingers? He loves a victory, but now he has won, the goal has been obtained, is that not enough for him?"

"No, I don't think it is. Anne's family have never fully accepted him, and he is desperate for their approval as much as he lets on he is not. This is the answer, the best possible answer to solve that relationship. He is even more enthusiastic now than I thought he would be".

"Then I am very satisfied. And very happy that you will remain here, where you belong. Now that it is all over I feel I am at liberty to be honest with you".

Edward shot her a wry smile.

"My darling, you are indeed very wonderful for not saying explicitly how you would have felt about me being gone away. It was very supportive of you. But if you think for an instant you can hide from me on your face what you feel, you are indeed very mistaken".

Jane grinned, crossing her arms.

"Fine, but for the record it works on other people. Just not you".


	105. Chapter 105

For the following few weeks, there may as well have been no one else in the world besides the Rochester's.

Baby Henry was now a few months old, and Jane and Edward were astonished at the amount he had grown. It may not have been so noticeable to other people, but Jane felt like very morning there was something different about him. It made her feel sad already for how fast she knew their son would grow up, and she held him closer than ever as they rocked him to sleep in the nights. Still, raising him was hard and she was more grateful than ever to have a husband who was very willing to do his own part, rocking Henry for hours sometimes when he would not sleep, or was fussy and could not be soothed. Jane was starting to feel more at ease with Henry, and less worried about every move he made. Edward often reminded her that over analysis would drive her mad, and although these words were wise, Jane knew that Edward often stepped in to check on his son when he was sleeping... just in case.

For the first time in what felt like a very long while there were no visitors or correspondences to the Rochester home either.

Edward had been right in his prediction that Eshton would take to his new post with enthusiasm. The initial ceremonial practices of the magistrate had carried Mr Eshton and Anne to town, so Jane had not seen either for weeks. She and Edward were more happy than ever at the turn of events, for Eshton was indeed gone far longer than Edward had anticipated he would be.

Adele had stopped writing for some time, for during the summer her school had relocated to France, and she seemed so busy that she could not write. Although Jane missed hearing from her old pupil, she was glad for the silence, for it meant Adele was very happy. Often in her previous school Adele wrote frequently, too frequently, in order to tell Jane of every little detail of her seemingly dull days. Now, weeks went by without word, which made it all the sweeter when a smiling Edward handed Jane a letter at breakfast with the handwriting that she had helped curate at one time.

Diana and Mary had also fallen silent. Diana was swept up into all the routine of a newly married woman that Jane had never experienced for herself. She had been toured around to all of the Captain's families homes, and introduced in town as the Captains new wife. Again, here Jane did not mind the silence. She knew that Diana was happy, and thoroughly enjoying her new life in somewhat of a spotlight, and that was enough to satisfy.

Mary's silence however made Jane feel slightly uneasy. After Diana's wedding, Mary had left for a new teaching post not so very far away. Perhaps half a days journey, on a good day. She had initially written to say that she enjoyed the position, and that she found warmth and comfort in her new house. But her very scheduled correspondence had fallen through, even with Jane having written twice to her of her own accord. Jane was positive if something was seriously wrong that she would simply come unannounced, but there had been no word or sign of her, and this pressed on the back of Jane's mind in quiet moments.

One night, Jane found herself in the sitting room with her husband and Henry, who was sleeping by the fire in his bassinet. There had been silence between them as they drank the tea that had brought in, but then Edward spoke the thought which had been recently filling Jane's mind.

"It has been a quiet few weeks, hasn't it?" he asked, laying his teacup down beside him.

"Very quiet" she agreed, "If I was not so worried about some of the silences, I would rather enjoy how much it has just been you and me"

He squeezed her hand affectionately, bringing it to his lips briefly.

"Do you remember what I often told you, when we were engaged to be married?"

Jane smiled, nodding playfully.

"You used to tell me 'I wish I had done everything on earth with you'"

"Mmm" he said, "I still wish it. Every person that comes into our lives takes me further away from that goal and I cannot forgive them for it. I wish there was only us, our family, together alone somewhere where no one else could find us".

"I remember you once proposed a similar idea to me. You told me we could live on the moon together, and Adele thoughtfully pointed out that it would be impossible for a very logistical reason- What would I wear for clothes?"

"Well, when she posed the question at the time I had an answer for it, but I fear it was not appropriate. I was always fine with the idea of you wearing nothing at all".

Jane shook her head disapprovingly at her laughing husband. But as he observed her his face fell, and he looked serious.

"But I can see you are not yourself. What is wrong, my love?"

"Mary. Or at least her silence. For everyone else their silence is a sign of busyness and contentment, I am sure. But she has no reason not to write. When I was a governess, I had so much spare time. Indeed, if you did not call me into your parlour every night, and if I had someone to write to, I think it should have consumed all of my time. Mary once wrote frequently, and now she writes very seldom".

"Is it possible she is just preoccupied? Or as you say kept busy and contented?"

Jane bit her lip,

"Edward, I just have this feeling that all is not right with her. I could be wrong, but it will bother me very much until I have the answer. Perhaps tomorrow, if it can be arranged, I can travel to see her".

"No Jane" Edward quickly objected, "It is half a days journey, and that is no small distance. At any rate it is on a stretch of quite deserted road. If you were to break down no one would know until nightfall, and you would be quite stranded. I will go, if such will make you feel better".

"No" Jane said, "I would not ask you to go alone, but we also couldn't bring Henry-".

"You must stay here with him. If I ride alone I will be able to move much faster than a carriage, I would make it in a few hours. Mary is my family now too, and I know how much she means to you. I will set out first thing in the morning and this matter can be laid to rest".

No matter how much Jane argued with him she could not dissuade him from his decision. She was quite angry with him as they got into bed that night because he had not listened to any of her suggestions for alternative ways to reach Mary. She was very eager indeed to hear from her cousin, but her husband had said it himself- the road was long and mostly deserted. If anything happened to him it would be impossible to know. He would have no riding companion as Mr Eshton was away, and nothing but his own internal compass could guide him. Jane pushed him away as he tried to use her as a pillow that night- she grumpily turned over and pulled the blankets up around herself defensively. He was being unnecessarily foolish, and posing a threat to their family should anything happen to him. There was no reason why two of the servant boys could not take horses together and ride the stretch of road, they would probably even enjoy the time away. And with two, they were far more safe. But, Edward was determined, and turned away from his wife as he slept. The bed was left unnaturally cold.

The next morning Jane woke to an empty bed. Rolling over, she found a note on her husbands pillow. The sun looked as if it had only just poked through the clouds and her eyes strained to read what was on the page.

" _Dearest Jane,_

 _I got up quite early to set off. I hope by the time you wake and read this letter I will be halfway there. Say good morning to Henry for me, he was still asleep when I left._

 _Last night left me very cold, and as a result I had an uneasy nights sleep. I hope that tonight my wife will be willing to once again be the best blanket in the world. The thought of it will keep me warm on my ride. I love you very much._

 _Edward_ "

. . .

Although the letter reminded her that she could never be truly angry at her husband for long, Jane had been too busy the rest of the morning to think much more about it. Henry was fussy, and Ms Miller came to the house to see Jane in the first time in what felt like weeks After she had nursed all of her sick children back to health she herself had contracted the cold and had stayed in bed to recuperate. Jane enjoyed her new friends company- so the morning went by quickly in spite of Jane not being able to get Henry to settle.

After Ms Miller left and Jane had talked to one of her servants about her upcoming wedding at length, she sat in the sitting room, rocking Henry and singing to him in the hopes of lulling him into a deep sleep. Immediately though, a figure appeared on the drive. Jane could see through the window a horse running at top speed towards the house. At first she thought it was her husband, but as the figure came closer Jane saw that the person riding was a much younger boy. He jumped off the horse before it came to a stop and Leah bustled out quickly to receive the letter he passed to her. Before Leah was back inside the house the boy was off again, vanishing as quickly as he had appeared.

Leah stepped into the room without knocking.

"It is urgent madam".

"Thank you Leah" Jane said, slightly distracted. She saw her husbands messy writing as she turned over the paper.

 _"Mary is coming home with me now. Make sure a room is ready for her. She will be staying for some time. Everything is under control now"._

Jane's eyes scanned the paper over in her hand again and again, trying to find some sort of understanding between the words that were cryptically scratched onto the sheet. What could possibly be so wrong that he was on his way with her, with a warning sent in advance? But nothing could be terribly wrong, he never would have send a letter if something was terribly wrong.

There was much rushing in the effort to pull a room together for Mary before her arrival. As the sheets were aired and the fire was lit, Jane paced nervously. The sun was setting now, and the time was beginning to close in which they would arrive home safely. Henry's shrieking had persisted in all the madness of the afternoon and Jane's head throbbed with the stress of it. When she finally sat down in order to have a view of the drive she rubbed her forehead painfully.

Jane could not pace any longer in nervous anticipation, and the safer option seemed to be to try and sit still for a few moments to quiet her thoughts. Her logic told her to relax, to trust that Edward had Mary and that they would both be here soon, but her mind was racing with different possibilities that formed a knot form in her throat.

No sooner had she closed her eyes and sighed in frustration then she heard the sound of an approaching carriage. With renewed energy, she sprang out of the chair and raced towards the door. As soon as the carriage had stopped Edward stepped out, looking to his expectant wife. His look told Jane to brace herself so she would not be surprised and a second later he helped a very pregnant Mary from the carriage.

Jane felt her heart plummet in her chest. What had happened?

Mary looked terrifyingly unlike herself- skinny and sunken. Her face was dull, and darkness surrounded her left eye as she avoided the look of her cousin. She looked more ashamed than Jane had ever seen anyone look. Quickly she advanced.

"Mary" she said, embracing her warmly, "I am relieved to see you. Come on, lets get you inside".

As Jane turned Mary towards the door she looked back at her husband who nodded to her encouragingly. Jane brought Mary upstairs to the room that had been prepared for her, her arm wrapped around the seemingly brittle and fragile frame that could crack and crumble at any moment. When the door had been closed, and they stood alone, Jane looked fully into Mary's face. She went to speak, but Jane stopped her quickly.

"There is no need to say anything right now" she assured, rubbing her arm, "I will not ask you anything you are not ready to tell. You indeed look very ill, so I would like you to get changed and climb directly into that bed. Then, I can bring you something to eat before you try and sleep".

"I do not deserve it, Jane" Mary mumbled weakly, brushing a piece of hair out of her own face sadly.

"You deserve the comfort of your families house, always" Jane assured her, "It does not matter what has happened here".

In this light Jane could see that Mary's eye was darker and more swollen then it had looked outside. As Jane helped Mary out of her dress she revealed dark bruises all along her body. It was horrifying. Someone had beaten her as a pregnant women. Jane thought she could see part of the bones in her back poking at the nightdress she put on over her head with some effort. Jane wanted to be ill.

When Mary turned back around Jane quickly was able to hide her disgust. It was odd. Her hair was perfectly kept, and her hands were clean, but the rest of her was a mess of dark and light spots all over her body. As Jane helped her into bed and pulled up the blankets, she was meet with the very odd image of a woman appearing child-like, and needing to be tucked in and protected inside safe walls. It made Jane's whole heart cry out with pity.

Jane moved to step away from the bed but felt a hand clamp around her arm. "Jane?" Mary called a little unsure and yet a little desperate,"Please. I do not want you thinking ill of me. I know what I must look like, and what appearance I give. I- well, that happened to me was not my choice, I never would have asked for it. I didn't even know it was happening to me- not until I couldn't help myself- I tried, but I, I wasn't able to-".

Jane sat back down on the edge of the bed, her warm hand closing around her cousins.

"Mary. Your whole body is covered in dark bruises which tell me that this was not your choice. Please, do not speak of such again in a way that implies you are to blame. When did this all start?"

Jane fought to keep her voice steady as Mary's face contorted painfully to try and stop the tears which flowed from her eyes.

"When I first arrived at my new position, perhaps after a week"

The anger that rose inside of Jane was paramount, but she could not lash out at her weakened and frightened cousin.

"But Mary, you have been writing me since then. Why did you not say anything?"

Jane was not so sure that this time the anger remained out of her voice, for Mary picked up quickly.

"I wanted to. But I was terrified someone would read the mail- that my master was having it watched. He threatened me so badly, I was sure he was watching my every action. And I didn't want to be seen like this...I am so tired".

She indicated her swollen stomach, and Jane nodded, closing her eyes.

"Mary, please try and get some rest now. We can talk of everything in detail later, but some food and sleep is needed first. Supper will be ready soon and I will have it sent up right away".

In truth, Jane could not have been more happy to leave that room. It wasn't because she was scared of what she had seen, or that she was in any way ashamed of Mary, but she had so many emotions flooding her that it overwhelmed her senses. How could this have happened? How could Mary have been this woman?

Jane arranged for a dinner tray to be brought up and then climbed back up the stairs, her mind completely unaware of where she was going as she marched. She stopped at the end of the very long hallway and grasped the window ledge, her breath short as she looked out into the day that was coming to a close. She placed her hand on her forehead and sighed. Two singular birds soared through the sky before her, a sight that during any other time would have made her smile. But today they were merely the reminder that crueller things existed in the world that blocked out the beauty of it all. How could she enjoy the sight of birds when her cousin lay behind one of these doors, feeling exposed and terrified.

Horrible visions came to Jane of what Mary had suffered, and although she told her mind to stop considering things that may not have even been true, the dark and fresh bruises on her body made Jane feel like her predictions may not be completely wrong. Who was this man? What kind of home did he live in? How fast could Jane make it there and blow off its roof with the lies he had fought so desperately to maintain. Did he have a wife to whom the news should be delivered? Or children?

But then there was the feeling of a gentle hand at the back of her neck that drew Jane back to her surroundings. The intimacy of it brought tears to Jane's eye instantly. She did not know how to feel at all.

"It's alright" Edward said softly, pulling Jane into his embrace. His other hand now found the small of her back and he held her close. She laid her head on his shoulder, wiping away her tears clumsily with the back of her hand.

"Edward"

He nodded, but Jane could feel his muscles tensing beneath his clothing.

"She is pregnant, and she was beaten".

He nodded again, kissing the top of her head slowly.

"I know. But she is here now. She is here and very safe. So long as she is here she is under my protection, and no more harm will come to her".

"It does not fix what has happened"

"No" he said, softly, "But it is a start at repairing what damage has been done".

His thumb stroked her lower back as they stood together, and even this smallest of actions made her feel better from the desperate person who had clutched the window ledge moments ago.

"Edward tell me, was the scene very bad when you arrived?"

"Come" he said, putting his arm around her and walking her again in the direction of the stairs, "We can go to my study and talk there freely. I will tell you everything I saw, and everything she told me on the carriage ride here".


	106. Chapter 106

Edward's warm and comfortable study had already been arranged so that two chairs were in front of the fire instead of one. It was almost the end of summer, but the days had been particularly cold, and there had never really been some stretch of time in which it hadn't felt like early spring every day.

Edward proceeded to tell Jane everything. He said that he had arrived at Mary's residence and noted that in asking for her there was a great panic. It took unusually long to summon her, and when she was summoned there were two servants who stayed in the room with them when they talked. Edward said he had asked for privacy, and they had said it was customary in the house to have servants stay in the presence of guests. So, he had decided to take her there and then, because there was something that felt too wrong about the house to allow her to stay. She looked like herself, but also nothing like herself. She had packed her things haphazardly, leaving some things behind that were unimportant and jamming the rest into the trunk quickly so that she was back downstairs within five minutes. Edward said that he could not help but notice the immense relief as she stepped into the carriage.

"And when you saw she was pregnant, what did you think?"

"I did not see it at first. That was another odd thing to me. When she finally emerged after the great production to retrieve her, she was wrapped in a rather large travelling cloak. I assumed, perhaps naively, that she had just been for a walk outside to clear her head as you so often used to do, especially since she took so long to come to greet me. I only noticed when I was helping her into the carriage, for the cloak slipped. It is a good thing I did not notice, however. I would have been hell bent on finding the perpetrator. And surely it would have been more important to remove her from the situation that hunt down the man she was most likely terrified of".

"No, of course. It is all rather shocking. I am not sure I would have known what to that is it? Where was the master of the house during all this? Surely he could not have let her leave in such a manor"

"He was away with his wife. It was only the housekeeper that meet me. She repeated again and again that the master could be furious, and that I best wait until he came home, but as you can imagine, I was not too worried about that".

Jane sat back in her chair, her hand to her mouth as she glanced thoughtfully out of the window.

"How could this have happened?"

Edward reached over and rubbed her back, massaging the base of her neck.

"Jane, love. What is the good of such questions? It does not change the situation in which we find ourselves and I know you will torture yourself with them"

"No, I know. But this is now a problem that is far more complicated than I know how to deal with. Diana must be informed, and Mary will forbid me from doing it"

"Forbid you? How is that possible? It is her sister, and if Mary knows you at all she will know not to ask you to hold secrets".

"But Diana is married now to a man who is more important that any person she would have expected. Mary knows that this information will change his reputation, and she would never do that to her sister".

"Good God Jane, the upper class have far more secrets to hide from the lower class, that she must know. And since she is now a part of it, she better get used to it".

"I'm not sure she does know yet, and what does it matter who holds secrets and who does not? This whole situation is a mess of which Mary should bare no blame, yet as a woman, it will always be her fault. Her word against her masters. That horrible, disadvantaged word that proves to servants that they have no power against the man that _owns_ them. One must always be indebted to a master, and when it comes to contesting him it is impossible. I cannot even imagine what she suffered at his hand. I have been so naive. I only ever knew you as a master, and it made me blind to the fact that my situation was not normal, and that other people suffer regularly because of the power dynamic between servant and master- but especially governess and master".

Jane pushed herself out of the chair, propelled by anger and a need to do something, and yet simultaneously knowing that there was nothing she could do.

"That master- that man, or whatever _thing_ he was knew Diana was poor, or at least had very little money to defend herself. Of course he could take advantage of her, of course he knew he could push her around at will. He must have been fully aware that it would be his word against hers".

Edward rose and meet Jane where she stood. He stilled her trembling hands and looked into her face.

"Jane, everything of what you say is true. That man, or that thing, is a monster. He knew of every advantage he had over Mary and appealed to it in order to ensure his own desires. I despise such men, I hate the kind of superiority they represent. So I promise to you that I will sort this. I promise to make this situation right. If we cannot take away what Mary has suffered we will at least punish him for causing it".

Jane nodded, a little defeated, a little tired, and more than anything wishing that this whole situation had never come to be. Edward pulled her into an embrace, and she hung her head lazily on his shoulder, tracing her fingers along the top of his back.

"But for now, Mary needs your strength".

"I do not have any, Edward"

"Yes you do. My Jane always has strength. Even if things are confused, and because I know you I know that they are, you must try and be the steadiness that Mary will need. I am sure she is feeling extremely judged right now- unsure of what you think of her, and very afraid for what will come next. Your reassurance will mean the world to her".

"But Edward, I do not know how to reassure her because I do not know what to do. Where will she stay? What will happen to the baby when she delivers?, What happens when word spreads as it is sure to?- a young governess that is pregnant fleas house while master is away. What can I tell her of the truth that can be known at this time that will not break her heart?".

"That this man will not get away with what he has done, it is as simple as that".

Jane hugged her husband tightly, comforted by his scent and his perpetual warmth. These familiar things set her heart at ease again.

"Thank you" she said genuinely, "I do not know what I would do without you"

He kissed the top of her head, but Jane drew her face back to kiss his lips. He smiled into it, pulling her chin forward with his thumb and index finger and placing his hand in the small of her back.

"My God" Jane gasped vulnerably "All I want right now is you".

Edward murmured something in agreement and kissed her neck sensually. Jane inhaled sharply.

"What can I give you now that could possibly tie you over?"

Jane smiled slyly at him, shaking her head.

"We have to tackle the largest problem first, for things can only become easier from there".

"What is that?"

"More like who is that"

. . . . .

Diana arrived the following day, much to the protest and anxiety of Mary. Jane had not told her everything in the urgent telegram, only that she was needed immediately,and without delay. Luckily, Diana had been relatively close at one of the Captain's family homes, and he was able to accompany her immediately.

In the early afternoon Jane found herself standing on the front step, waiting for the sight of the carriage to appear on the drive. She could have remained inside and perhaps done something more useful or productive with her time, but she was anticipating the scene between the two sisters and in truth did not know what to expect. She wanted to speak to Diana before she had the chance to rush in and see Mary's situation for herself. Jane was positive it would not be a calm interaction, and wanted to soften the blow as much as it was possible.

The sound of clicking shoes could be heard on the threshold behind her before Jane felt a reassuring hand at her shoulder. She immediately felt the unjustified urge to push it away, and perhaps her husband realised this, for he drew back his hand.

"Henry is with Mary" he relayed, kissing Jane's temple, "And he is very content. So you can relax and tell me what you are thinking".

Jane turned to face him, not fully able to meet his eyes.

"I am sorry. I know I have been terrible to deal with today".

Edward rubbed her arm and this time Jane felt no desire push him away.

"I know, but the reality is that you cannot do anything about it now. Diana is on her way, and she indeed needs to know. There is no other options for Mary".

"You are right. Diana needs to know. A sister lying to a sister is perhaps far more damaging than what we shall have to sort in the future for Mary and her baby, whether Diana and Mary realise that now or not. Mary is still quite furious with me"

"Well, be that as it may. She must also know you have nothing but the best wishes for her. Otherwise she would not be tucked into the bed upstairs like royalty. She should trust your judgement without hesitation. I do".

" _You_ are married to me. We have no secrets. You trust my judgement in a way no one else ever could. I am not sure that a wounded Mary would be so eager to, or even able to".

"Then I hope at least she appreciates in what good and generous hands she is in, if she is so quick to doubt your judgement".

Jane looked at Edward quizzically.

"You seem upset with her. Are you?"

"I am upset with the way she seems to think she has a right to be angry with you".

"She does have a right. And if she makes me a scapegoat out of me for a while to make things easier on herself, I do not mind".

"But I do. Here, she is a cousin and a guest, nothing more. You are the lady of this house, and I do not like the idea of her treating you as if you have been anything less than generous and gracious with her. She has hardly spoken to you today, after you have had her waited on hand and foot".

Jane sent him a sad look, and his demeanour softened as he continued.

"And yet, I will bite my tongue for you, for I know you care about her very much. And I do too. She is family".

"No" Jane said, shaking her head, "I agree with everything you are saying. Avoiding my gaze and pretending to not hear me when I brought her breakfast was unfair. But she is confused, and scared, and I only want to be a help to her. I know she does not mean the things she says and does at present".

Jane took his hand and ran her thumb over his knuckles slowly.

"I know" he said, without her speaking a word, "You have my full support in whatever happens. That you know"

Jane reached up and kissed his cheek sweetly.

"I do. Thank you. And you said Henry is with Mary now?"

"Indeed. She asked if she could watch him, to keep herself preoccupied. I did not see any trouble with it"

Jane nodded, "Thank you. And thank you for getting up last night with him. I think I was so tired I never even woke".

Edward drew her closer and kissed her temple, smiling slightly.

"So much thanking is happening. Good God, I must mark this down as a special occasion".

Jane screwed up her face at him.

"Very funny indeed".

"They say it is the small things"

"Hm, well _they_ are not married to Edward Rochester".

He chuckled, leaning in closer and speaking lowly.

"Why was it, do you think, that you were so tired last night that you didn't hear Henry when he cried? Do you think it could have anything to do with the vigorous and thorough lovemaking we participated in, or should I say that I preformed on- ouch!"

"Do not speak of such so openly!" Jane blushed, looking around frantically.

Edward looked highly entertained, seeing the bright flush come to Jane's cheeks.

"God, you are beautiful"

"And you are impossible"

And then, there was the sound of hooves on the drive, and the Rochester's turned to see a fast approaching carriage. Jane felt a reassuring rub in the small of her back as the carriage door was flung opened before it had even stopped. Diana dashed out, her eyes wide with fear.

"Jane, Mr Rochester, good God what is the matter? Are you well? Is the baby well?"

"Yes!" Edward assured her quickly, "Diana, we are all well".

"Then why the urgency? Why the rushed letter?"

Jane paused, feeling her husbands thumb move ever so slightly on her back.

"Diana, can I speak to you alone for a few moments, inside-"

"No. Not until I know why I am here"

"It is Mary-"

"Mary! Oh dear God, what has happened to her?"

"Nothing Diana, nothing bad. But she is here, and circumstances have...changed".

The Captain struggled to unload the luggage of the carriage, and so Edward left Jane's side swiftly to assist him, leaving the cousins alone.

"Jane. You must be very forward with me. My poor nerves have been wrung through on the drive over here, and I cannot take the suspense anymore".

Jane began guiding her into the house, trying to remove her from a public space where she could be seen. Inside the foyer, Jane turned on her cousin.

"A few days ago-"

"Directly, Jane. Tell me directly. I can hear details later"

A pause.

"Mary is pregnant".

Diana's face instantly drained of all its colour. Her sallow pallor carried the mixed look of confusion and pain to a deep place in Jane.

"She is what?"

"Pregnant"

"Impossible."

"It is very true, when she arrived yesterday-"

"IT IS IMPOSSIBLE JANE, THAT I TELL YOU-"

Jane dragged her cousin forcefully into the sitting room beside the door, shutting the door and wheeling around severely.

"Diana, you must be quiet now. I know it is a lot to take in but you must not scream your disapproval all over the house. Mary is feeling very fragile at present".

"Fragile? She is feeling fragile? Oh Jane, tell me you are joking. Do you have any idea of what this means?"

"Of course, we must find a way to deal with herself and her child-"

"No. It means that she made a grave mistake that is now her problem, and that has completely tarnished the family".

Jane's heart sunk like lead to her stomach.

"Diana, this was no choice, and thus no mistake on her part. She was forced. She is traumatised by it".

"Jane, I am glad that you believe that. And I want to, very very much. But how can we know? How can we know this was not by choice? God, I cannot bare the thoughts of that"

"Just talk to her, then you will see" Jane fought back, feeling her temper rise. "Diana, Mary is your sister. How could you think the worst of this situation and her? Edward went to that house, and he sensed the kind of existence she had there. It was so bad that he took her immediately from it. From what he tells me of it, it is consistent with what Mary says".

"And what is to stop your husband from lying to you? Perhaps he is accrediting the story Mary told in order to simply make you feel better".

"Excuse me, Diana, but my husband does not lie to me and certainly would never do it to soften any blow. He is as interested in the truth here as I am".

"I am sorry" Diana said weakly, hanging her head. "I am terribly embarrassed. I do not know what came over me. I was just so overwhelmed with everything- I know what a good man Mr Rochester is. I know he would only tell the truth".

"Sit, Diana please. There is a much better way of doing this than what is happening now".

Diana sat beside her cousin, rocking on the edge of the couch anxiously, her hand to her mouth absentmindedly.

"Tell me it all Jane. I will try my best to listen without judgement".


	107. Chapter 107

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!

I am so sorry. Christmas was exceptionally busy for me this year and writing became very difficult. But I missed it so much! And am thrilled to be posting way more often in the upcoming days!

I hope you are all well, and you have an amazing new year. I am more thankful for you all than ever and I truly, truly appreciate every message I receive SO much. I cannot even tell you my excitement when I get an e-mail from one of you. Your encouragement means the world.

Wishing you all the very, very best.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jane began explaining everything of what she understood of the situation, but as she spoke she could see that Diana's face had not softened, nor given the slightest indication that she was processing anything of what had been said. Jane understood instantly that her words were doing no good, and that to explain further would not convince her more.

Sighing, Jane reached across her lap to take Diana's hand. She seemed reluctant, pulling her face away in the opposite direction, but she did not move her hand.

"Diana, I know it is a lot to take it. I know it is quite shocking. But Mary is traumatised, and she is in need of your compassion and support above all else. We can sort the rest- do whatever needs to be done. But without your support as a sister, I think we shall fail miserably in whatever we try to do".

"Jane I-" Diana started, but she broke off, pulling her hand away slowly. Her face looked strained, torn between trying desperately to convince herself of something and looking terribly guilty for it.

"I love my sister, very much. I do not believe she would have done this of her own accord. I pity her very much indeed, and grieve deeply for all she has suffered. But I am a married woman now, a captain's wife. There are certain ideas of reputation I must maintain at all times. I could not embarrass my husband- not so early into our marriage. This scandal cannot break when I am still making my rounds to meet his family, it would be unbearable".

Jane was put off by Diana's cold and selfish words, but in an attempt to encourage her, she piped up quickly

"The scandal need not break at all. We can keep it very quiet-"

"For a little while, perhaps, but not always. These things always have a way of getting out, and I could not be associated with this situation when it does. Seeing as she is my sister, she must always be associated with me by nature"

"So you are saying that you are willing to sacrifice a sister for the sake of reputation? A sister that has done nothing wrong? That has only suffered at another hand?"

"No" she said quickly, but her brow quickly furrowed in thought "Not exactly. But I am also not willing to drag her scandal into my reputation. Not when my husband is so important and influential".

"And yet, if that is indeed what you believe, you would be willing for me and my family to ruin our own reputations in order to help her? What say you of my reputation? Or my husbands? So long as yours is not damaged I am assuming you believe it is all well".

"Jane, that is very different-"

"Frankly, I fail to see how".

At that moment, however, the door opened to reveal Mr Rochester and Captain Franklin, and the rest of Jane's thought fell from her lips. The Captain looked determined, but not upset, as he moved towards his wife. From Diana's attitude, Jane assumed he would be upset by the situation, even angry at it. But he was calm, and mature as he spoke.

"Have you talked with Mary yet?"

"No, not yet"

"Mr Rochester has just told me briefly of what he has just experienced with her".

"Yes indeed. Jane was just explaining some details"

"Then I should like to hear them, Mr Rochester did not have the time elaborate fully".

Seeing this as her opportunity to escape, Jane stood and made her way towards the door, calling back across her shoulder that she was going to go check on Henry without turning back for a response.

She was not a few feet outside the door when it closed behind her and Edward was at her side, sending her a knowing glance.

"Henry is fine with Mary for a few more minutes. I know that look."

Jane went to speak but stopped herself, putting her hands on her hips as she reconfigured her words to be less angry.

"I am shocked by Diana's coldness. Her response just then was shocking Edward, I did not even know how to react-"

"Come in here" he gestured understandingly, pointing towards his opened office door. Perhaps the hallway was not far enough away to conceal what she wished to say about her cousin. She was grateful for her husbands wisdom.

When the office door closed behind Jane with a reassuring click that promised privacy, she looked at her husband and shook her head. She began talking before Edward had asked anything.

"She seems to want no part of Mary in her life anymore. She is so consumed in her role as a new wife that she is refusing to see her own sister through the fear of losing an honourable reputation she has gained in her marriage"

"Do you blame her?"

"Edward, of course I do. I understand there is much newness in being a recently married woman, but I can imagine nothing that could tempt me into abandoning my sister"

"I only ask because I can see that Diana is far more insecure than you were when you married me. In marrying me, you married into a technically richer, more well-established, and older family than Diana has, and yet you never once thought of any of those things. Diana came from a relatively poor situation, and being less sure of herself clearly has made an impact on how she views herself as inferior within the marriage. She is probably defensive because she still does not feel like she deserves the life is now in".

Jane felt like snapping back some reply, realising that there was more truth to her husbands words then she wanted to believe, but he was right, and although Diana's actions were wrong they were not unjustified. She slumped back into a nearby chair and sighed.

"With that being said" Edward continued, "What she says and feels is not right".

Jane brought her hand to her mouth, her eyes burning with the threat of tears.

"It is just so odd to see, Edward. When I first meet Diana she would have done anything for her sister. I mean, look what she did for me, a complete stranger. I like the Captain very much, and indeed theirs has been a very good union. But Diana seems to have lost herself in marriage completely".

Rochester sat beside his wife, bringing her hand away from her mouth and to his lips instead. His warmth seemed to shatter the ice that had formed around her heart, and she felt calmer, and better than she had in days.

"I would wager that most people become lost in their marriage, and lose the person that they were before. I, for one, am exceptionally lucky and grateful to have a wife who has not only retained every ounce of her individuality that I fell madly in love with, but has grown with me, and made me a better man".

Jane looked at him seriously.

"Tell me something".

He smiled at her, "Anything".

"Tell me that I am angry with Diana now, but will not be for long. Tell me that she is only angry right now, and confused, and as a result has said things she does not mean. Tell me she will come around and this terrible situation can be made better".

He nodded, looking into her face.

"I am sure of it".

"Alright" she said softly, pressing her forehead to her husbands. "Then I will be patient and less angry than I have been".

She felt his familiar and comfortable lips find hers, and then the kiss had ended far too quickly. His hand cupped her face as he kissed her forehead.

"I love you" she said, softly.

"Jane help me" he pleaded, causing her face to break into a smile. "Help me. All these people are back in our house again. I am not a good social man anymore. I am tired of it all. I just want my family. Let them stay, but let us go, somewhere far away. Oh God almighty"

"No, no" Jane said laughing, tugging on his jacket collar, "I need your help. I cannot do it alone".

"If I had the bags packed in ten minutes, would you be at the door waiting for me?"

Jane shook her head, sighing into a laugh. "I think I very well would be".

. . .

When Jane left the office with Edward she found that Diana and the Captain were still sitting in the study, talking lowly very close together. But when Diana saw Jane was going to retrieve Henry she stood and said she would accompany her upstairs in order to see Mary.

The meeting of the sisters was awkward, and so oddly formal. Mary attempted very sadly to try and tell her sister what had happened to her while serving as governess to her awful family, but it was no good. Diana's poorly acted acceptance of the situation, with the additional inability to look Mary in the eye was not convincing at all. Diana very suddenly shifted the conversation to the fussing baby in Mary's arms, and then she talked about the conditions of the roads on the journey over, as if it was a matter equally as important as what Mary had just attempted to say. Unable to stand it any longer, Jane took Henry from Mary's arms and smiled at her.

"Diana, let us allow Mary to rest. She has been looking after my fussing son for far too long now, and it is enough to tire anyone out excessively"

Jane tried to sound as genuine and kind as she truly felt. Whether this worked or not she did not know. Mary looked very dejected and drained by her sisters rather cold and dismissive attitude. Jane was positive that Mary wanted to share more with Diana than she felt comfortable doing, and her fear that she would be judged had surely solidified during their encounter. Jane had tried to send Mary a reassuring glance as she closed the door, but Mary was glancing out of the window, her head turned away, and missed it.

Outside of the room, Diana made a bigger deal of meeting Henry for the first time, acting overly positive and overly sympathetic to how Jane must have felt as a new mother. Jane was uncomfortable that Diana now showed an interest in her son after having used him as an excuse to avoid talking with Mary about her pregnancy only minutes ago. When Diana offered to take him for a little while Jane politely refused, explaining that she and her husband would like some time with him before dinner, for they had not seen him for some of the afternoon. She accepted this without appearing to think much of it and walked off to find the Captain. Jane watched her until she vanished around the corner of the long hallway, mulling over in her mind whether or not Diana felt the way she acted or was just scared. She prayed it was the second option.

Dinner was a quiet and once again unnatural affair. The Captain was clearly unaware of the tension that had been established in the house throughout the day, or if he was aware of it he did not act so, for he talked of every mundane thing under the sun from estate flowers to the wonderful state of the roads leading up to the house. Jane passed polite answers, but was in no mood to elaborate on her responses. She did not think the Captain spoke in such a way in order to seem insensitive or passive, but the fact that he did not understand the severity of the situation was enough to frustrate Jane even further. When he began talking of racing horses being sold in town to Mr Rochester, who Jane noted bore the conversation unnaturally well for someone who had zero interest in horses, the need to speak subsided and Jane finished her dinner in silence. The guests retired early from having a long day of travel, and so thankfully there were no after dinner activities. When Jane went to check on Mary she found her asleep, and so she returned to her room, fully ready for bed.

Edward was already lying in bed playing with his son who was laid beside him, his arm serving as a protective wall around him. The sight of them together could have washed every negative thought from Jane's mind in an instant, and so she rushed to join them, undressing and redressing quickly before climbing into bed.

Edward, who had been smiling warmly at his son as he watched his tiny fingers curl around his finger, looked up at Jane.

"That dinner was-"

"I know. Terribly tense".

"Does the Captain not know of what Diana has been saying?"

"I do not know. But he acted as if he did not know, or does not care".

"Hm" said Edward thoughtfully, shaking his finger gently so that Henry gripped it harder. "Interesting. They spent a lot of time talking amongst themselves today. What else could they have been saying?"

"I know. I cannot imagine him not having any questions for her, nor her being dishonest with him. Still, his behaviour was strange".

"Well all I can say is thank goodness there was no after dinner activities. I do not think I could bare it. You forget Jane I am not a patient man, and my patience expired tonight during that conversation of racing horses"

"I know" Jane interjected quickly, "Thank you. You really did bare that conversation excessively well".

"Did I? Could you tell I was seething beneath?"

Jane smiled, "Only because I know you so well".

He chuckled as Jane softly kissed the top of Henry's head where his soft mound of hair always rested messily.

"All of this has taken me away from you far too much" Jane said to Henry, kissing him once more, "I cannot imagine anything more unfair. Any moment I am not with you is a moment wasted".

Edward relaxed back on the bed and looked up at Jane, "You are very right. Tomorrow will not be like this. I cannot stand seeing you upset, and I know you are only upset that you, Diana and Mary are not on equal speaking terms as you always are. Perhaps Diana will just need to sleep on it, and the shock of it all will have worn off by tomorrow morning".

"I hope so" Jane said, laying back too so that her head rested on the soft pillow. "I hope so very much. If not, I will speak with her more frankly than I have even today. This must end, and if it does not naturally, I will put an end to it myself".

"Do you think you will have to?"

"I guess we shall see".


	108. Chapter 108

Jane had a restless night. Henry was fussy and needed to be feed often, so even though Edward offered, there was no point him staying up with her when he could be sleeping. She decided to stay the rest of the night in the nursery with Henry so that her movements would not disturb her sleeping husband.

The long hours Jane spent up during the night gave her plenty of time to feel her own frustrations with herself and the actions of that day. She knew Henry could not help the things he needed at so young an age, but the strained relationship between Diana and Mary had made her feel drained and far more tired than she already was as a new mother, and her patience was worn thin. Still, in spite of all the frustrations, she was immensely thankful for the quiet time with just her and her son. In the moments he slept in her arms or even smiled up innocently at her, Jane felt that every moment she spent wishing for sleep had been selfish and silly. He was everything to her, and she would have given everything she had to make him happy.

When it became evident that the option of going back to a solid sleep would be impossible, Jane returned to her room to dress for the day. She carried Henry over to the bed where Edward was sleeping and bent down to kiss the top of his head, brushing his hair back from his forehead. When he stirred, Jane laid Henry in his outstretched arm and said lowly to him, "Henry is with you, darling. I have to get dressed".

Edward mumbled something incoherent in reply, but cradled Henry safely between his body and his arm. Jane walked over to her closet and tried to dress making as little noise as possible, but Edward was rubbing his eyes, looking up sleepily at her from the bed.

"Are you only now coming back? Please tell me you slept a little"

"A little indeed" she said, pulling up her stocking, "But all is well".

"Come here" he said, holding out his free arm in a call for her to come close. Obliging him, she walked beside the bed and allowed him to put his hand in the small of her back. He observed her closely, looking into her face.

"You look beautiful"

"To you perhaps. To the rest of the world I am sure I look rather terrible".

He shook his head, pulling her closer so that he could kiss her stomach before laying back down on the bed, holding the edge of her dress.

"Impossible" he smiled, but his face fell with concern the longer he looked at her. "Jane my love, come back to bed. You look so tired, and you were up all night. Let me get up with him, and you can sleep until breakfast is called".

"I fear that if I lay down and fall back asleep for a while I will be more tired when I wake again rather than if I just stayed up now".

"Then I will at least join you downstairs-"

"No Edward. Sleep a little longer yourself. You were with him the first part of the night and you look tired too. Everyone will be up soon enough, I do not mind".

"Tell you what. Give me a few minutes to cuddle with Henry and then we shall both be down to join you".

Jane smiled at him, running her thumb along his cheek.

"I will ask the kitchen girls to have a pot of tea ready".

"Mmm" he said, reaching up to meet Jane's lips, "I won't be long".

. . .

It was an exceptionally beautiful morning. Jane stood in the door frame looking out at the world, taking in all of its beautiful splendour and warmth. It was one of the first late spring days that truly felt like it was approaching summer at last, and she wanted nothing more than to be part of it.

"Nice day, is it not?" a voice called. Jane turned to see the Captain standing on the last stair of the staircase.

"Good morning" she said happily, forgetting all about her previous frustration with the situation of the house, "The day is a beautiful one".

"You are up rather early" he said, advancing towards her. Jane stepped back from the door.

"Indeed, I am afraid with a new baby I rarely sleep anymore"

"Of course" he said, smiling kindly, "I realise that you have no Nanny for Henry. I assume that is a choice that you and Mr Rochester have made together?"

"Of course" Jane answered, walking with him towards the sitting room, "As you know, when I was a governess I saw every sort of servant that a home like this employs. I saw many families rely perhaps too much on nannies, and they never knew the person their child grew to be. We did not want that relationship with our children. I know that having the luxury to have someone else take care of your children is not an experience most women have, and for the vast majority of my life I understood it to be my own reality, and thus I never wanted anything else".

The Captain chuckled, "You speak of my upbringing. I was far closer with my nannies and governesses than I ever was to my parents. To this day I do not know them as well as I would like. So, I must say I agree with you. Though my parents are not worth knowing too well. I believe our personal distance allows me to forgive some of the things they do".

They sat down together on the couches, Jane observing him.

"Do you find that hard?"

"Looking past the things my parents do? No. I would rather that than be frustrated with them".

"I never thought of it like that" Jane admitted, "I never knew my parents so it has never occurred to me that a level of privacy between parents and children is perhaps vital to getting along as adults".

"You are perceptive, Ms Rochester" he said, putting his arm over the back of the couch in an at ease fashion. "It is the case for me, at least. I cannot change the people my parents are, so my only other choice is to ignore the things they do".

As he fussed with the tea tray that had been brought into the room, Jane wondered secretly if that was also the attitude he adopted with marriage too. He looked up just as she was turning away.

"You observe me"

"I'm sorry" she smiled, "I do not mean to. I was only thinking to myself".

"Nothing bad, I hope"

"Of course not. You are family, and apart from that I like you very much".

"Thank you, but you know that I would not be surprised if you were upset after the events of yesterday. I know that Diana's reaction was not the type you were expecting, and you are probably disappointed in her".

Jane shifted in her seat, thinking it was best to be honest then to make up some other feeling towards Diana.

"I love Diana, as you know. But I am surprised at her, and I am a little disappointed in her reaction to her sister".

The Captain nodded and went to speak but stopped himself when he heard Edward standing in the door with Henry in his arms. As he moved inside, the Captain continued.

"Diana has taken her new role as my wife very seriously- especially socially. Meeting my parents I can imagine gave her quite a bit of a shock, and she perhaps believes now that all people are as serious and uptight as they are. I want you to know that I did not put any ideas of being ashamed of Mary's condition into her head, but I do not blame her as it is my group of acquaintances that has forced this new view in her mind".

Edward sat beside Jane on her couch, looking across at the Captain.

"Is there nothing that can be said to her to persuade her otherwise?"

"I spoke with her all last night. Give her time, please. She will come around"

"How can you be so sure?" Edward asked, handing Henry to Jane gently. "I am sorry to ask in a way that doubts Diana, but her behaviour hurt Mary yesterday, and while she is in my house she is under my care. If Diana's presence is upsetting her, then it is my job to keep them apart for present".

"I agree with you fully" the Captain said, "and I would do the absolute same in my own house. I know she will come around because she loves her sister far more than she cares about impressing my family. As far as I am concerned this is our family now. You both, little Henry and Mary. I like you all far more than my family I grew up with. I would never create a separation over something that is evidently not Mary's fault, and neither would Diana. I am sure she is only embarrassed this morning, especially for you, Jane".

"I do not wish her to be embarrassed, and there is no need for it. I understand Diana's surprise, and I know she did not learn of it in the best possible way. Whatever she said before I have always been willing to forget, for I know it came more our of fear or surprise rather than genuine feeling. I only want Mary to know this now too".

"Thank you both" the Captain said, genuinely. "You are both the very best sort of people. Mary knows she has been completely safe here, both from harm and judgement, and that is most reassuring thing to me. I promise you both that when she is feeling well enough to travel again, she shall reside in my house for the rest of her pregnancy. There will be no embarrassment, nor will there be any shame. She is my wife's sister, and she shall be treated such".

A small sniffle alerted the group to another persons presence. Diana had just stepped into the door and looked incredibly guilty. Edward put his arm around Jane as Diana moved forward, sitting next to the Captain on the opposite couch.

"Jane, Mr Rochester, I do not even know where to begin-"

"Don't" Jane said hastily, "Do not worry about explanations. I know who you are, Diana, and so does Edward".

"You were right Jane, as you always so rightly are. I was afraid, and I was surprised, and that is where my attitude came from, not because I actually believed anything bad of my sister. I've just been speaking with her before I came down to join you all, and I apologised. I hope it will be enough for her".

"Of course it will dearest" The Captain said, "Your sister wants your support, and now she knows she has it, and always has. Like I was just saying to Mr and Ms Rochester, she will be coming to out house to wait out the rest of her pregnancy".

"Really?" Diana asked in pleasant surprise.

"Of course. The Rochester's here have their own new baby, and have much to do to keep them busy as it is. Mary is your sister, and thus my sister too. When she is ready to travel, we shall arrange it all".

Jane looked at her baby in Edward's arms, smiling.

"Oh thank you" Diana said, looking up into the Captain's face.

"With that now being settled, breakfast is waiting for you both. Me and Jane have already eaten".

Jane sent her husband a curious look. She has not eaten, and neither had he, and if he thought she would be willing to skip breakfast he was sorely mistaken. She was quite starving after having waited up all night, and was very much looking forward to her food. When Diana and the Captain departed, Jane turned on her husband.

"What was all that about?"

"I know you have not eaten, fear not" he said, grinning, "I only asked for it to be brought to our room".

Henry began fussing and Jane reached out and took him into her arms.

"Indeed? Why?"

"Because I think Henry is hungry again, he has been especially fussy and I've been able to do nothing to soothe him. Besides that, I thought you may appreciate some alone time for a little while. I heard Mary and Diana speaking this morning when I was walking downstairs, and it did not sound entirely peaceful. I did not know what to expect, and if there was drama I did not want you to feel like you had to sit through breakfast with it. I think you had enough of that yesterday".

"I like how 'alone time' means time alone with you" Jane said, reaching over to kiss her husbands cheek. He looked sceptically at her as she drew back.

"Is that all I get? I believe I was rather thoughtful this morning".

"You are always thoughtful" Jane confirmed, "But no, you will get nothing else because someone may see"

"Who?"

"Anyone"

"I see no one now".

Jane grinned, but stood and began marching towards the door with Henry.

"Come on, breakfast awaits".

. . .

Edward was right, Henry was fussing because he was hungry again. All of the breastfeeding lately had made Jane feel sore and sometimes uncomfortable. But, seeing as it was for the person she loved more than anything in the world, she did not mind.

As she sat in the chair before the fire feeding, Edward observed her in between serving out their breakfast on two plates. He had told Jane before how much he loved seeing her breastfeed- how feminine she looked, how nurturing the act was, how he got to look upon the two greatest wonders of his life whenever she did it. Jane had cuddled into his shoulder on that occasion, letting him trail his finger along her back, making shapes. Admittedly, at this moment, she wanted nothing more than that again. All the stress that had been her life lately had only been bearable because he was with her, and at her side through it all. Without him, she surely would have crumpled under the pressure of it all.

"I love you" Jane said suddenly, waiting to see the look in her husbands eye when he turned to her. He looked up, his face soft and full of feeling.

"I love you" he replied, drawing her closer and kissing her lovingly. As the kiss broke, his lips brushed her forehead before he handed her a plate of breakfast and sat beside her, beginning to eat his own.

"Do you know what I found a bit odd this morning?" he asked, "Not even odd, but just bizarre?"

"What?" Jane asked, biting into her toast.

"The way Diana kept thanking her husband for _allowing_ her sister to stay with them. The whole situation just felt off to me. It was like she could not make that decision for herself without him approving, or that she wouldn't dare ask it of him unless he suggested it. The way she was looking up at him like a child granted its favourite toy was just...uncomfortable".

"You know, even before St John Rivers believed he was going to marry me, he wanted me to immediately quit my job and remain at home so I could always be there when he called. One time I was out visiting an acquaintance when he stopped by and he lectured me quite like a father when he next saw me, telling me I was reckless for stepping out of the house in the middle of the day. Really, he was frustrated I was not there at his convenience"

"Oh Jane, don't" Edward moaned, "I hate the mention of that man's name".

"Point being.." Jane continued, "I think men often treat the women in their lives that way, whether conscious or not, and most women simply adhere to it as 'the way things are done'. I too was put off by their demeanour together, but as you have told me again and again since marrying you, I am bound to see things I do not agree with often, and it is not my place to fix them- worrying about it will only cause me too much grief. Besides, Diana is happy, and now so is Mary, so all is well".

"I know, I know. I only wonder if such would have been the outcome if we were not around. Would the Captain have been so willing to take Mary in?"

Jane thought as she started her eggs, but she did not have a suitable answer.

"I would like to hope so" she said, honestly, "But I do not know".

"Well at any rate, we must finished and get dressed. The vicar is coming by shortly"

"What?" Jane asked, socked, "Who called him?"

"I did" Edward said, calmly finishing his last bite of food.

"Those are words I never expected to hear from you" Jane said, honestly.

Edward laughed, taking a sip from Jane's teacup as his was empty.

"It is for Mary, she asked him to be called"

"Goodness" said Jane, "I wonder why she asked him to be called"

"Well, I guess we shall see".


	109. Chapter 109

When there was the sound of the front door opening half an hour later, there was a great amount of speculation and anticipation in the house. The vicar that had been called was new to the county, having just transferred from Bath, and there was hardly anything known about him in the general circle of gossip. Even though Jane did not actively search out gossip, her position as a noble woman inevitably lead her into hearing it whether she wanted to or not.

As Jane, Edward, Diana, and the Captain sat in the sitting room talking, Jane could not help but feel worried about the nature of the vicars character. Although she did not fully know why Mary had asked for him to be called, she had a pretty good idea, and did not want Mary to feel judged for having confided in someone who was meant to bring reassurance. Frankly, Jane had spent enough time with men who claimed to be of God to know that not all of them followed the teachings of love found in their holy book.

When John was heard closing the front door, Jane and Edward stepped into the hall in order to greet their guest. To her great surprise, Jane saw a man standing before her that looked nothing like a vicar. This man was young, almost boyish, with dark hair swept to the side in a clean style and vibrant, youthful eyes. Jane amused herself in realising that at perhaps two and twenty he was a little older than she was. He looked shy as he was introduced to Edward, and then in turn to Jane. As he bowed to her, Jane sensed that he was a timid sort of person, though harmless and mannered.

"Father Morris, this is my wife, Lady Jane Rochester. Though I will say for her that she would be quite mortified if you called her Lady, she prefers less formal greetings"

"Hello Father" Jane said, curtsying to him. "It is very good to make your acquaintance".

Jane was grateful that Edward had clarified this time that she preferred a less formal title. The last time she had been introduced to one of her husband's work acquaintances he had insisted on referring to her as Lady Rochester every time he saw her, and Jane had had to work very hard to undo the habit. She understood that she had to be introduced as a lady, as custom dictated, but was not happy such was the case- it always left her feeling out of place and displaced in her world.

"Although I am Father Morris, I prefer Father Andrew, or just Andrew" he bumbled awkwardly. But Mr Rochester, whom Father Andrew had cut off from speaking accidentally, just nodded and took no notice of his intensely burning red cheeks.

"Father Andrew, you are new here we are told. You have just arrived from-"

"Bath" he inserted quickly, "I had moved there to minister in order to be closer to an elderly relative, but he has since passed on, and I had no desire to stay in the city. I am rather shy of strangers, if you could not already tell. I am not good at turning acquaintances into friends. It was one of the reasons I was hesitant to move to an entirely new place where I knew no one".

"Then consider yourself as having attained two new friends" Jane said encouragingly. "We have not had a resident vicar in the church since we have moved here. I am sure the news of your arrival will be very pleasantly received news indeed".

Edward sent Jane a hesitant, private look that Father Andrew had not seen. Jane grinned, knowing what the glance had been for. Since their marriage, the Rochester's had not attended church. At first it was because Edward was conscious of his lack of sight, and hated being in crowds that gawked at him. But since they had moved, and he had regained his sight, it was because there had been no priest at the local church. The old vicar who had lived there, whom Jane had heard was quite ancient, had died and no one had been available to fill his place.

"Well" said Father, beaming , "I shall be very happy to see two friendly faces in the crowd during my first ministry".

Edward groaned so only Jane could hear as Father Andrew was distracted by John approaching.

"Father Morris, Ms Rivers is ready to see you, when you are".

Father looked confused, turning back to Jane and Rochester.

"Mary Rivers is my cousin by marriage, as is Diana Franklin, who resides in the sitting room with her husband Captain Franklin. Both are visiting us at present".

"Ah I see" said the Father, looking less confused. "Then I am ready to meet another member of my flock".

As he was lead upstairs, Jane could not help but feel a soft spot for him. She imagined that with him, what one saw was what was buried beneath as well. She suspected that apart from private appointments as a result of his ministry, he could not hold a secret if he tried. When he was out of sight, Jane turned on her husband.

"I think I like him" she said, grinning.

"Of course you would" Edward said, a little bitterly.

"Oh, come now. I could tell you liked him too".

"Well..." he said, putting his arm around his wife, "He does not seem like the most threatening or righteous type".

"No, quite different from the mould" she replied analytically.

"But, I am afraid I shall dislike him very much if he inspires you to start attending church weekly".

Jane turned on him, looking him straight in the face.

"Edward Rochester, that is sacrilegious"

"I'm sorry Jane, but you knew who I was when you married me. My relationship with God has always been rather complicated".

"And mine has always been clear as a bell" she said, raising her eyebrow, "Otherwise, I am almost positive I never would have been brought to you".

His face softened as he looked at her,

"And I believe you told me the same, not so long ago".

He shook his head, "I wish you had a worse memory than you do".

"Then you must wait until I am very old, and very grey"

"I cannot wait to see you like that, and love you like that" he said, kissing her temple sweetly.

"Stop trying to soften me with your words" she said smiling slightly, but she found to her great annoyance that it had worked, and she had lost most of the resolve she had to fight with him. She wondered if he realised this, for he looked rather proud as he continued.

"All I am saying is that I prefer hearing God's word coming from your mouth, rather than a priest".

"Who knows?" Jane said, "Father Andrew seems as if he could be quite interesting".

But at that moment Diana and the Captain emerged from the sitting room and Jane assured Edward that they would continue that conversation later.

. . .

Father Andrew stayed with Diana for almost an hour. When he did return back downstairs, to Jane's great relief, he seemed to be in equally good spirits, so she was sure he could not have judged Mary very harshly.

After meeting Diana and Captain Franklin he declared how fond he already was of the family. Upon meeting Henry however, he became absolutely elated.

"I love children" he said, gushing genuine excitement, "Has he been baptised yet?"

"Not yet" Jane answered, "We had scheduled to travel to the nearest country with a vicar next week in order to have the ritual preformed".

"Oh no, then look no further than me. I would be very happy to do it for you, if you would have me".

Edward smiled, looking amused by Father Andrews excitement. "Of course. I will send a cancellation notice to the church immediately".

"Good!" he said, clapping his hands together, "Then we can arrange it in the upcoming days. I can come by, if travelling with the new born is difficult. As I have said, I am very new here and so I have very little responsibility as of right now. I would be more than happy to oblige. Captain Franklin, you also told me of a sickly aunt you have recently visited. I would be more than happy to accompany you to her house too for prayers, as there has been no priest recently to do it..."

Some twenty minutes later, after arranging a time to travel with Captain Franklin to his aunts, the Rochester's and the Franklin's stood on the front steps, waving to Father Andrew Morris. Jane could not help but grin. He was indeed entertaining if nothing else. She was happy to see some sort of vibrancy in the town. With the new, young priest and Mr Elton as the new magistrate, Jane felt like the old town was gaining momentum for a positive shift.

. . . . .

Diana remained upstairs for the rest of the afternoon, but seeing as she had gotten up and dressed for the vicar's arrival, Jane believed she was feeling overall better. She had taken her greatly-needed time to rest, but Jane felt it was more important to be active and doing things, no matter how small, rather than laying in bed and letting one's imagination run wild. She remembered when she had miscarried her first child wanting to lie in bed all day, doing and saying nothing. But she also remembered the first time she sat at the window for tea, and then in the sitting room, and then the first time she left the house. The progression forward had indeed given her hope that her life would once again be happy and full.

At dinner, however, Diana joined the others. There was much genuine excitement when Jane saw Diana round the corner, looking tentatively at the party assembled. In an instant there was a new place setting laid and she slipped in beside her sister, still quieter than normal but looking somewhat revived.

"So, Diana, how have you found visiting all of your new family?" Edward asked, perhaps aware that there was a quietness at the table that perhaps Mary did not appreciate.

"Oh, I have been equally happy and nervous meeting them. Unlike you, Mr Rochester, my husband has a very large extended family, and as you can imagine within the group are rather nice individuals, and also very...traditional family members. I do not think they approve of the union between us"

"Of course they don't" the Captain piped up, "But as Diana says, they are traditional. The word I would use is old-fashioned, and quite behind the times. I think they were still hoping I would marry an exotic princess of Morocco or Spain. Well, as you can see, they are slightly disappointed in their expectations, there is nothing too exotic about Diana".

Jane grinned as Diana looked at her, rolling her eyes.

"I remember when my cousin married. She was an exceptionally fine person, very talented and very beautiful. Well, my family was positive that marriage would be no issue for her, and indeed it was not. She received upwards of perhaps ten offers before she finally accepted an old man- a very old man, who was also a very rich man and well known where I came from. Before marriage she was absolutely devoted to family, visiting us all multiple times a week and always coming with some good news or glad tiding. After she married him though, she was completely barricaded in her new castle. We hardly ever heard from her, except when she occasionally wrote, but even then the letters were rushed, and lacked heart. Then one day we received a letter saying that she had died of a feverish illness, and that she had been already burred in the family plot at the estate. You can imagine my families heartbreak. The most shocking thing was that this old man was remarried again before my cousin was dead three weeks. This all happened when I was just sixteen, and because of that I knew I could never marry for money. She was a wonderful person, but caught up in appeasing my family, and assuring her own comfort- as if she did not have enough from her own family. Well, anyways, marrying for money alone was never my priority, and I am very glad it was not, for who could be my little caretaker more than Diana?".

. . . .

"Jane, do you think you could be my little caretaker from now on?" Edward teased much later, pulling on his nightshirt as Jane fed Henry by the fire. "The Captain seems to like Diana taking care of him very much".

"I have one baby to take care of already" she said, throwing him an amused look.

He chuckled, taking off his socks.

"Besides" she continued, feeling slightly offended, "I do take care of you. I have-"

"Jane darling, I am only teasing. I know how much you care for me. It was only his turn of phrase I found funny".

She shook her head, grinning slightly.

"I also liked when he later called her a noble little companion, what do you think all of that was about?"

"Perhaps exactly what he said. He finds her noble and a good companion"

"Come on love" Edward said, laughing, "There is no way that a newly married couple should be referring to each other as a 'companion'. That should be saved for when they are old and having trouble moving up and down the stairs. No, I think it is far more likely that they are sleeping in different beds, and the only thing they share at night is their prayers".

"Edward Rochester, if I was not feeding Henry I would come over now and reprimand you"

"I wish you would" he said, grinning darkly at her.

"Then just give me a minute" Jane said, threateningly, smiling back at her husband.

When Henry was eventually rocked to sleep and laid in his crib, Jane got into bed beside Edward, who was holding a candle up to a letter in his hand. He handed it to Jane without her asking what it was, and she saw that it was from Father Andrew. It was quite lengthy, but it was very minimal in what it actually said. It invited the Rochester's to remain for Henry's baptism the following Sunday, after church.

"You wanted to continue our conversation about this later" he said, ready to listen to her, but she shook her head.

"No. I do not want to just talk at you about this. I want us to make a decision together. I would like to hear all of your most honest thoughts".

She lay on her stomach, her chin resting on her hands which were fixed on her husbands stomach. She watched him, and he looked down at her.

"My most honest thoughts are this. My life made me a man who distrusted God. There was so little joy to be gained from even the best moment that I could not bare the thought of being punished so harshly by him. But, now my life is so drastically different, and so far from what I know I deserve. I have learned my lessons, and I have learned all my unhappiness was my own fault, not Gods. My only aversion to attending church now comes from two reasons, one, I have not been in so long, and two, I hate the idle gossip and looks of churchgoers".

Jane nodded, kissing his stomach through his nightshirt and rubbing his side affectionately.

"I do not want to force you into anything, ever. I never want you to resent me for trying to make you into something or someone you are not. But this is also important to me, and I do not want it to pass by with things not said".

Edward was giving Jane a sceptical look which told of his inability to ever resent her, but he continued regardless.

"Jane my love, I want you to be happy, and I know there are so few ways I can make you as happy as you have made me at every moment. I want what you want. I want to be better than I have been in past. I want to live a better, cleaner life in future. I want our son baptised and I want to be at your side. So, let us go on Sunday"

"Only if you promise me something"

"What is that?"

"That you will give me your honest thoughts when we are finished, on our walk home"

He smiled.

"How could I not be honest with you? I believe myself to be incapable of anything else. You make it all easy"

He reached up, cradling her head, and kissed her forehead, then nose, then lips. She pulled herself up nearer him and settled her head in the crook of his neck, her arm thrown lazily over him, and her legs intertwined with him. She was asleep before she had time to say goodnight, but was sure he had covered her in blankets before falling asleep himself.


	110. Chapter 110

When Jane woke the next morning she could tell it was still very early. Henry had not cried more than twice throughout the night, and her body seemed to be sceptical of all the time to sleep it was given. She opened her eyes, her face pressed against her husband's chest. From where she lay she could only see the top of the window, but she had no desire to move. She only wanted to remain here until she was forced from her comfortable bed.

She was grateful for this quiet time, for it gave her time to think about everything that had happened over the last few days. In truth, there was not much to think about, but still, it was her nature to mull things over in her mind repeatedly. All the stress and anxiety within the house had dissolved, Henry had fallen asleep, and all seemed well in the world. But there was still the question of Mary's future. Jane was forced to admit that even though Mary's pregnancy was because of force and not her own decision, no man would ever want to marry her now. She was 'spoiled', she was no longer whole and pure as a wife is expected to be. She would be safe at Captain Franklin's home until she gave birth, but surely she could not live there forever as she could not live in this house forever. Where would she go? Jane thought, her mind buzzing with questions that had no answer. Surely she would always have enough money, through both Jane's and her sisters marriages, to be comfortable, but it seemed now that there was no possibility for her ever having the life of a family she had always wanted.

Jane's thoughts dissolved and her surroundings were brought into clearer focus. She untangled herself from Edward, feeling the instant coldness hit her skin outside of his embrace. He stirred momentarily but was soon still again- his deep breathing resuming. From the way he had shifted onto his back, Jane had better access to him. She reached her hand up and traced feather light lines down his arm, across his shoulder, and down the line of his stomach. It was difficult to put into words what this level of intimacy meant, but it was something Jane did not even know existed before marriage. She never once thought he would push her arm away, or tell her to let him sleep. Indeed, when his dark eyes flashed opened he grinned sleepily at her before turning rather serious and focused on what she was doing.

As Jane traced her hand across his chest, Edward reached for the loose neck of her nightgown and tugged at it lightly so that it fell around her waist. His hand smoothed her collar bone, then he moved to cup her breast, not breaking his look of admiration as he did so. Jane's touches became more distracted as his became more intentional. Wordlessly, Edward moved Jane before him in a kneeling position and brushed her womanhood lightly, sending a shiver down her spine. He chuckled once to himself, looking to his wife in amazement.

"I was going to help you, but I do not think you need it" he said, feeling the wetness of her desire. Jane blushed, it was true, since having Henry she had been so busy that she and Edward had not laid with each other as often, but she thought about it far more than she admitted to. He reached up quickly, running his hands through her hair and kissing her cheek.

"No" he said, his whole face filling with a smile unlike anything Jane saw in another person. All at once it was searching, prideful, and amused. "Don't blush like that- like you are embarrassed in front of me"

Edward's voice was still horse with sleep and Jane felt a warmth spread through her she could not quite put words to.

"I am not embarrassed. Well-" she said hesitantly, "Maybe a little"

"Why?" he asked, pulling her onto his lap as he reached under her and slowly inserted a finger inside of her. Jane gasped, almost inaudibly and moaned quietly as he moved skilfully within her, stroking exactly where she was most sensitive.

"Why?" he repeated, looking at her expressive face with such love and admiration that it made Jane's heart ache.

"Because I think of being with you day and night, when I am alone and when other people are around. God- I cannot stop thinking about how much I want you".

He nodded, kissing her exposed jaw as she threw her head back.

"Then we think alike. Because I think of making you moan and cry out for me and I think of touching you, just like this".

Jane dropped her head onto his shoulder, her opened mouth pressed to his skin. She did not think she had the strength to hold up her own head, it spun with so much sensation.

Jane felt him smile against her skin as she felt the pressure within her reach an almost unbearable point. Wrapping her arm around his neck for support, she allowed the shocking electricity of pleasure to pulse through her body, radiating from her head to her toes.

"Ahh" she grunted, pressing her forehead into his shoulder. She gasped desperately.

He kissed her softly, drawing her face to him between his finger and thumb. Her breathing was still heavy, so she took breaks between his long, sexual kisses. She ran her fingers through his hair, finally opening her eyes. His head was thrown back, savouring the feeling of her running her hands through his hair.

"Lie back" Jane said, laying him onto his back by pressing on his chest.

She climbed over him as he pulled her hair loose from its tie, allowing it to fall all down her back.

"I am going to need that" Jane said, indicating the tie in her husbands hands. He handed it back to her, looking perplexed. She tied her hair up quickly and inelegantly at the back of her head before she bent down and encircled her husband in her mouth.

Jane heard her husband exhale in one heavy breath. She loved hearing him, how long he held his breath, how he exhaled sharply after not being able to hold it in any longer. How his low, sleep-heavy groans sounded more musical to Jane than the best symphonies of the world. His large and warm hand covered her back unconsciously as she pleasured him, applying different pressures and slowing her pace to an almost unbearable rate.

"Jane" Edward said breathlessly, gripping her shoulder, "Dear god, you will undo me"

And, just when she could feel a rippling sense of desire move over him she stopped. It took him a moment to regain his senses, but when he did he pulled Jane to him, turned her over and entered her so quickly that she had felt a rushing thrill shoot up her spine and through her core.

He rocked into her rhythmically, pushing deeper with every fast thrusting motion. There was something so sexually needing in his desperation, in the way he brought them both back to the edge so quickly and with master skill. Jane moaned loudly, only to be echoed by her husband. She clawed at his back, closing her eyes as her thumbing heart almost pounded out of her chest. But just as she was moments away from her finish, he drew out of her, comfortingly kissing her burning cheeks and chest.

Jane was frustrated with him- was he trying to get even for her stopping just before he was climaxing? But then she was guided into a kneeling position before him.

"Tell me if I hurt you" he said firmly, for they had not tried his position since she had had Henry and at times she was still sore. But when Jane felt him enter her from behind, there was nothing but pure ecstasy coaxing her core even deeper this time, and driving her to shaking rush of bliss in mere seconds.

Jane collapsed down onto her arms as her husband finished, filling her with himself before falling beside her, one hand resting on her leg, the other on his own stomach. Jane felt for his masculine arm and closed her eyes, feeling perhaps at this moment more tired than she had been in weeks.

"No, my darling" Edward said, kissing Jane back awake as she started to drift off to sleep.

"I wasn't going to actually fall asleep" Jane said, slightly stubbornly.

Edward nodded knowingly, smiling to himself. "If you fall asleep now it will only be much harder when you have to wake for breakfast in a few minutes".

"I have no desire to sleep" she said, turning so she could nuzzle sleepily into his shoulder, "I am with you".

He kissed the top of her head.

"Jane Rochester, I wish more than anything you could know how much I love you" he said, sounding very serious.

"Try" Jane entreated, reaching up and moving a curl out of his face.

He looked down at her, into her beautifully unsuspecting face.

"Your soul is the nation where I want to live" he said, "For it is far more beautiful than any place in this world".

. . . .

Henry woke just as they were headed downstairs an hour later, so Jane stayed to nurse him and rock him before handing him over to Jenny while she went down for a quick breakfast. When she stepped into the dining room she was happy to see the conversation was lively and happy. When she sat down everyone greeted her with genuine happiness, asking how she and Henry were. When the conversation between Diana, Mary and the Captain resumed, Edward leaned into his wife, speaking almost inaudibly.

"You look as if you have had a pleasure-filled morning"

She gripped his leg tightly, warning him from continuing. He grinned at her, but she flashed her eyes warningly.

"In other words" he said, less softly, "You look very beautiful".

The Captain looked up, "What are you two love birds talking about?"

"A good night's sleep" Jane said, before her husband had time to say anything. "Henry only stirred twice last night, it was wonderful. I feel like I have slept a full day".

Diana laughed, taking another bite of her bread.

"Well, you both are amazing with him. You know since being here I am astounded Mr Rochester at how much time you spend with your son. I mean, I remember first really interacting with my father when I was almost ten. Me and Mary spent far more time with our mother, and with the servants. But then again, in other ways I am not surprised at all, for you and Jane are far from a traditional couple".

Edward sipped his tea, shrugging easily. When he spoke however, his voice held far more conviction.

"Henry is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I cannot imagine why any father would not want to spend as much time with his son as earthly possible. I do not take for granted that for the vast majority of my life I had resigned myself to knowing I would never marry, and thus never have kids".

"You have that little girl Adele, do you not?" the Captain asked,

"Indeed" Edward said, "Though Adele has never considered me her father, for I am not. She has spent much of her life in France, a part of her life that I was not involved in at all, for she had people there to make decisions for her. Still, she is part of our family now and she is loved here very much".

It warmed Jane's heart to hear him speak of Adele in this way. In their early days and weeks of marriage Jane talked extensively with her husband about who he had been, and what led him to become such a broken person. She had always known, of course, for he had told her often when she was still only his servant, but there was something rewarding in talking about such things as husband and wife. It was hard not to discuss it, for he often ran his fingers along her cheeks and told her that she had stronger healing powers than any doctor, having healed his soul without leaving any trace of scars. In these discussions, Jane realised the barrier that had always stopped any sort of intimacy between Adele and him was caused by the gravity in which he looked upon the world. It was not Adele he hated, and it was not children he hated, rather he hated himself for who he had allowed himself to become. When last Adele was at the house, Edward had walked through the gardens with her for a very long time, asking if she wished to call him father. But her answer simple- she said that to her, he would always be "Mr Rochester" and her old governess would always be "Jane". To them, that was perfectly alright.

"Adele is wonderful" Diana said, "And I hope she will be back soon"

"She is too busy for us, I'm afraid! She hardly writes us anymore, for she is away at school. Very busy social life, I imagine"

"Then she is similar to you, Jane" Diana said, raising an eyebrow.

Edward turned to her, "You? A busy social life? Under what false delusion have you had me?"

Diana laughed, "Not of Jane's own accord, perhaps. But she was always so loved when she lived with us. People asked her round for tea constantly, and if it was not tea it was dinner, or for a walk, or children would run up to her door and ask if school could resume early"

"Well, I can believe that with complete confidence" Edward replied, smiling at Jane.

"She exaggerates-"

"No, it is quite true" Mary added after much silence, "She was very much admired".

Jane's cheeks blushed furiously. She hoped that it did not look as obvious on her face as it felt.

"Ms Rochester, I think you will find as you move though the world that very few people will have anything ill to say of you. I am married to a highly critical character, someone who is very picky about the people she is willing to call "good", and in her estimation, and indeed her equally critical sister, you are nothing but superb".

"It is strange, for until I meet Edward I had never meet a soul that liked me, and certainly had never known anyone who would have called me even decent. I remember when I first moved to Thornfield I was mesmerised by Edward's personal office. I did not know him for the first few months I worked there, for he was away. But I could not resist going back and looking at his very extensive collection of books frequently, and I began to take them to read. I knew it was not a particularly customary thing to do as a woman, but at that point I was positive I would never marry and was only interesting in making myself content and comfortable. I fear I am not content without books".

Jane could feel her husband smiling at her, but she did not look at him, instead the Captain folded his arms, leaning back in his chair and looking deeply interested.

"One day, when Edward came back from his travels, I had forgotten that I now had to ask for permission to read the books in his office. He came in and found me rifling through them one day and I was mortified. I apologised to him vigorously, saying I never should have been in his personal space, nor reading his personal books without asking first-".

"But I am positive Rochester did not have the typical reaction one may expect?" the Captain said, looking to his friend knowingly. Edward grinned,

"He was genuinely confused, and asked me why a thinking, intelligent woman would ever need to ask permission to read the books. I was stunned by him and knew from that moment that I was appreciated, for the first time in my life. It was such a humbling feeling".

Jane looked into her husbands face, and was reminded of the man he was back then, compared to who he was now. Despite how much had changed, that fundamental respect for her he always had and showed to her still ran through him.

"Were you not possessive over them?" Mary asked,

"No! I was only very happy to have someone to discuss them with. No one I had ever known had appreciated the pursuit of knowledge in the way I did, and I soon learned Jane's interest in books far out-rivalled mine. More wonderful still, she loved to learn by listening, and I took great please in telling her all I had learned of the world".

"Do you hear that Diana? Jane liked to hear of her husbands stories. I told you that my stories of travelling the world are very interesting-"

"Well, speaking of the wider world, I thought today that us ladies may go into town," Diana said, "leave the house for a little while".

The Captain looked as if he was going to say something else, but Diana had seen something in Mary's countenance that caused her to change the subject.

"Mary, soon you will need some new dresses and I believe there is a shop in town we can go to"

Mary did not raise her eyes from her plate as she responded.

"There is no need for such an expense. Jane would allow me to borrow her dresses, I am sure".

"Just for a walk, then! I am sure the fresh air would do us all some good" Diana continued, still trying to encourage activity.

"I am sorry, but I cannot leave Henry for any stretch of time. He is rather too fussy to leave with anyone else"

"But of course. I was not thinking. We can still go, Mary".

"No thank you Diana" her sister said firmly. "I have no desire to leave the house today. I told Father Andrew I would attend church on Sunday and that would be the first time I ventured outside. I would rather read, or finish my needle point".

Diana went to speak again, but Captain Franklin laid his hand her arm and shook his head. She looked very angry, but finished her breakfast in silence. Edward looked at Jane as the Captain too turned back to his plate. She knew what he was thinking- that he was thankful he never had to check her in front of people like the Captain just did. He was also thinking of how thankful he was that she did not turn as sullen as Diana now looked. The rest of the breakfast remained rather awkward, and was significantly less talkative than it had been before.

In her mind, Jane formed a plan to speak with everyone individually throughout the afternoon, for she had a suspicion that people were not seeing eye to eye on the matters at hand, and that far larger drama would surely come if it was not seen to immediately.


	111. Chapter 111

"If it were not you, I should think it a very bad idea" Edward said wisely, bouncing Henry on his lap.

Jane was changing in her room after Henry had spit-up on her, just having finished conveying her plan to scope out the households general feelings about the past few days.

"What do you mean?"

"Only that if it were not for your ability to search for answers without simultaneously seeking gossip, I fear such a plan could go drastically downhill- or more likely _would_ go downhill".

"How?"

He looked up at her, stopping Henry's bouncing.

"What if I told you I was going to do the same thing?"

"I would tell you it is a terrible idea"

"Why?"

"Because you have trouble retaining civility with people whom you feel are doing the wrong thing".

"Exactly. You do not have such problems, nor problems of any kind controlling yourself".

"But you still think it a bad idea?"

Jane walked over and stood before her husband so he could help do up the back of her dress. She held her hair up as he began to pull the dress closed.

"No...I do not think it a bad idea. I only worry because you only want happiness for the people that you care about, and sometimes, when a person cares so much they can do so at their own expense. This is a sensitive topic, and clearly Diana has not fully adjusted to her sisters pregnancy yet. I do not want you to feel like you have to take on a burden that is not yours to carry".

He tapped her bum playfully to indicate he was different before Jane turned to look at him.

"You know, you are the only one who calls it her 'pregnancy' and not her 'condition'".

"Well, I would prefer to call it exactly what it is, and that is a pregnancy".

Jane sighed as she sat on the bed beside him, taking Henry into her arms and kissing his little forehead.

"Edward, I do not know if I am asking for your approval on this because I am not sure if it is a good idea, but I feel like I must try something to help. Mary is so desperate. Diana is so closed and timid. Nothing like this has ever happened in their lives, and I believe the coolness between them comes from not knowing how to proceed. The Captain seems almost oblivious to it all, which is alone frustrating and confusing. You know me, I hate prying. I hate looking for information that is not mine to have, but this is my family and I do not even need to do anything with the information I collect. It may just be helpful to know honestly where everyone stands".

Edward smiled warmly at her, kissing her temple tenderly.

"Sweetheart, you need not justify anything to me. I have a feeling that you are only guilty because you have never snooped for information before in your life. But your heart is never wrong, and I trust whatever you decide to do"

"Well" said Jane, being drawn into him, "It would be more helpful if you did not use words like 'snoop'".

He laughed as he looked from Jane to their son in her arms. He was very happy today, and very content to be with both his parents. He had not yet slept, and yet was as quiet as when he was asleep.

"Thank you" Edward said, rubbing her arm , "For helping me so much these past few days".

"I've hardly done a thing"

"On the contrary, though all this confusion and change in circumstance you have remained my partner amid everything. Even as I have laid in bed with you in the nights and you have been so tired, whenever I've needed to talk to you about something you have rolled over and sat up, facing me with your full attention, without complaint".

"Because you are my husband, and my family is the most important thing in my life. You and Henry matter most, above everything else that's been going on. I never want you to feel neglected by me, because I do not even worry about if I will ever be neglected by you- no matter the circumstance".

"Well" he said, leaning forward and smiling suggestively at her, "I do not feel neglected by you, ever. Especially not after this morning-".

"Speaking of!"

Jane slapped Edward across the arm as he laughed heartily,

"What!"

"You cannot say things like that at breakfast. You will mortify me one of these days and I will not be so fast to forgive you"

"Jane" he said knowingly, rolling his eyes, "I wasn't going to say anything- I didn't say anything!"

"Well I do not trust you- and you implied it-"

"Shh, you'll frighten Henry" Edward said, taking his son back from Jane.

"No, no. You held him while I changed. It is my turn".

"But you held him all this morning"

"I was feeding him!"

"Still holding him" Edward argued , rocking Henry.

"I hope he grows up to be far less stubborn then his father" Jane mused, running her finger along Henry's foot playfully, "But very much like him in every other way"

"Every way?" he asked, sceptically.

"Well...almost every way" she replied, putting her head on Edward's shoulder.

Realising how long she would spend nursing Henry throughout the day, and knowing how little time would be truly hers, Jane stood up.

"If you wish to be with Henry all that is very well. Just give me a kiss and then I'll be off"

"No! Absolutely not. I do not want you to go. Stay"

"I have some investigating to do though"

"Oh no, I've changed my mind about all that, it was all a bad idea from the start- I think you should forget it all together"

"I am not so sure" Jane said, bending down to kiss her son before walking towards the door.

"No! Come back, come back. I'll give you a kiss, even if you are leaving me"

"Too late!" Jane called, closing the bedroom door behind her.

. . . .

Like Mary had alluded to at breakfast, she wanted to spend the day reading and finishing her needle point, so Jane did not disturb her. Somehow she got the feeling that knowing what Diana and Captain Franklin thought about her situation would help when talking to Mary.

Jane did not need to find Diana, for she called out to her her when she passed by the sitting room a short time later. Diana was standing in front of the window, apparently looking out into the gardens. She smiled perhaps a little sadly at Jane when she entered the room.

"You have changed, then?"

"Indeed. I am afraid that Henry's accidents, in their many forms, are in need of constant cleaning".

Diana smiled more genuinely, and with less sadness.

"I can imagine. My goodness Jane, you are an amazing mother".

"Thank you" she said advancing forward, "But I am not sure what I have done to deserve such confidently high praise".

Diana looked back out of the window, her arms folded casually.

"It is not just one thing, rather everything. Its the way you talk about him, the way you did not hire a nurse because you always want to be with him- last night the way that Mr Rochester was telling us about you as a mother when you went to change Henry. It all makes perfect sense, you have always been loved by anyone who has known you, especially children. Henry will be very lucky to know you as his mother someday".

"I hope so. Being a parent is immensely difficult. I never know if what I am doing is right, I never quite know how to go about it. Right now is easy- he is young and all he needs is much love and care. But as he grows, he will need far more than that, and as parents it is our job to guide him into being his own mannered, kind and intelligent person. It is a lot to think about".

"Imagine how us, who are not naturals as you are, will have to fend with motherhood" Diana laughed, "If indeed you are so worried it hardly gives me any encouragement".

"Come, let us take a walk outside. It is a lovely day and the grounds are so beautiful as they come into full bloom. I hardly have any time to walk them myself anymore, and would greatly appreciate the company".

Diana agreed heartily, and once they were in a more private place, Jane resumed their conversation.

"You said us who are not naturals, do you think of being a mother yourself? There was a time you told me that you were not so very fond of children".

"Oh, well, when it came to being a governess I was very weary of children. But I am sure it would be very different with my own. Besides, it is part of marriage. I could never deny Captain Franklin the joy of having children. You look at me Jane, and I know what you think. You are thinking that marriage is equal, and if I did not want children then it would be my right to say, and I think you are right to a point, but on the other side I think that without compromise it would be impossible for marriages to remain enjoyable for either party. Now that I am married I am sure it cannot be healthy to share everything with _ones_ partner".

She waited for Jane before continuing.

"I know now from marriage that no one formula works for everyone, and that it is important to communicate as a couple in order to find out what works best for you individually. What kind of things do you not share with your husband?"

"Oh, nothing secretive"

Jane smiled, "I did not think so".

Diana laughed with her cousin, "You know very well I have no secrets to hide. I only mean boring, mindless things that occur within a day. I do not share those things because I know he would try to listen, but really would be thinking of something else. I do not share my concerns unless he is involved with them- nor do I share concerns that I am still trying to work out. Once I have figured out my stance on an issue, I will go and ask him then. It eliminates so much of the small talk that makes couples find each other tedious".

Diana was generally a very good conversationalist, asking question and opinions in return, but Jane had a feeling that she did not ask this time because she did not want to know Jane's answers. Although Captain Franklin was kind and generous, he showed no real sign of deep rooted affection to Diana yet, for Jane suspected they were still getting to know each other. Their marriage was new, as was their relationship in being so close to one another. Jane had months and months to get to know her Mr Rochester before they were married which consisted of long talks practically every night- talks that were honest, and deep, and meaningful, oftentimes that were also light and funny. They had lived in the same house, eaten the same food, experienced the same people and things during those times, and Jane felt like she truly knew the soul of the man she was marrying. For Diana and her husband, they had known each other socially, they had talked with chaperones and then alone when they were engaged, but there is only so much you can know about a person when you are not with them constantly, and Jane knew that Diana and the Captain were still understanding that new balance.

"I know" Jane replied to her, smiling, "There is much to learn about communicating as a married couple. When Edward did not have his sight I constantly wondered about how much I was blurring our identities. There was so much I had to do for him, and I had almost no time for myself. It was very new for me, caring for another person as myself- for I had always been so alone in the world. That is-" Jane added with a smile, "Before meeting you, and Mary and St John".

Diana smiled quickly and then looked back down at the ground before asking her question in reply.

"How did you...decide what to do? How did you know how not to sacrifice yourself?"

"Well, I stopped looking at it as a sacrifice. Edward was, and is, my whole life. I married him knowing what he needed from me. If we were going to be joined in marriage that meant we were going to be joined in all things. It was no longer a sacrifice then, it was something I knew was required of me, and something I took immense pleasure in".

"But then, when he regained his sight, did you worry you would lose some of your importance to him?"

"Somewhat, at first. But very quickly I realised that we would always need each other in different ways, not in fewer ways".

Diana smiled, putting her hand on her stomach.

"You make me feel better, much better then I have been feeling lately".

"Why? What has been wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, exactly. It is only that since returning from our short honeymoon trip after our wedding, there has been fewer spoken declarations of love proclaimed between us. I am rather shy about it still, so I always used his expressions of love as a way of showing mine, but I suppose I was naive to think that upon returning to normal life that such loving adoration would continue".

They had turned past the main part of the garden into the long, stretching fields behind. The air was full of the music of nature- birds chirping, wind blowing through the branches of the trees, grass rustling beneath their feet.

"All I can say Diana, because it is the only thing true for all couples, is that you cannot ever let any feeling build up without conveying such to your husband. He has a right to know what you feel, and especially if you are unhappy. Again, it is difficult sharing your life with someone, and it takes work. But I promise you will have a better marriage if you share your insecurities and the things you are worrying about".

Jane turned to her friend, smiling at her.

"Or, better yet, just tell him that you love him. Men love being told such a thing out of the blue, it makes them feel so very important".

Diana grinned widely. "Deal. I shall tell him when we return".

Feeling now that Diana had gotten everything off her plate she needed to, Jane, without partaking in formalities asked Diana how she felt about Mary. Diana looked thoughtful before answering, taking her time to consider her answer.

"I wish Mary would come outside, be anywhere besides locked upstairs in that room. What has happened to her is terrible, and since speaking to her I understand that more than ever. But she need not be ashamed of herself, and she cannot hide from life. This baby will come whether she is prepared to stay away from the world forever, or not".

"Unfortunately" Jane started, careful of her wording, "I am not sure that any of us know how she truly feels. We are both married women, and for us, getting pregnant is an occasion of immense joy. For her, she is now to be forever cast in the shadow of the violence placed against her. Her child must bare the burden of such too. She is surely concerned, and fearful of a judgement of which we do not know-"

"But you must know, Jane. At least to some degree you must know how she feels. You married Edward in spite of rank, fortune, circumstances and a history that was exploited to all of his acquaintances. You must have known people would look at you in a judgemental way, and that people would look down upon you. But you had faith and courage in doing what you knew was right. I wish Mary would have some of your courage".

"You give me more credit then I deserve' Jane assured her cousin, "My choice to go against what people thought of me was primarily fuelled by love, and love is an immensely powerful motivating force".

"Nice try Jane" Diana said, smiling, "But I know that you have never cared about what people thought about you".

"Well, I do not blame Mary for being shy at present, and I think she needs to feel she has our support before she will be comfortable to venture out into the world"

"But she has our support"

"Perhaps it is just taking her a little longer to actually realise that, given her situation" Jane assured, kindly, "And, I know that until she is ready, you will be the all encouragement to her that she could possibly need. Just give her time, and all will be well in the end".

. . .

The rest of Jane's attempt to find out general attitudes of the household was inhibited by Henry, who began fussing and crying excessively in the late morning. Eventually the morning had turned into the afternoon, and Jane became exhausted very quickly. Edward took his turn again with Henry while Jane went to get a cup of tea, and she returned to find Henry still screeching and a very tired looking husband rocking him desperately.

Captain Franklin eventually left with Diana and walked into town when there was no sign of either Jane or her husband returning for conversation. Mary chose to stay in her room, an endless amount rocking and cradling, Edward eventually retreated into his study to finish some work that had long since been abandoned in the wake of Henry's arrival, promising to return quickly to check on his wife.

To Jane's utter astonishment, Henry fell asleep after being fed for the sixth time that day. Petrified at the idea of moving and waking him, she lay beside him on the bed, her arm keeping him from potentially rolling away. She had not intended to close her eyes, and especially had not intended to fall asleep, but yet was asleep within moments.

The next thing she knew Edward was standing beside her, smiling down at her. She felt his kiss lingering on her lips.

"Tired, my love?" he whispered.

"Mmm" she breathed, sleepily.

"That was my fault, early morning lovemaking is a bad idea, for it cuts into sleeping time that is very valuable on days like today".

Jane smiled lazily, stretching out her free arm that was not cradling Henry.

"There is no bad time for lovemaking, of that I am sure"

She sat up, slowly untangling herself from Henry. When she looked outside she was astonished to find that the sky was a vibrant orange, with the light just dropping below the furthest hill on the property. She had slept far too long.

"Why did you not come check on us sooner! Look at the time, good god, I have slept through half the day!".

"I did come and check on you earlier, but you looked so peaceful, and you slept so soundly, I thought it would be a shame to wake you".

"Edward, love, that is very kind, but now I have slept away my afternoon. I mean, we have guests I have ignored the whole day-".

"Jane" he said firmly, kissing her forehead, "Stop. You needed the sleep. Supper is in a few minutes. I'll take Henry so you can freshen up. We have a special guest coming"

"Goodness, who?"

"Father Andrew's good acquaintance, Lady Denver. He is quite excited for us all to meet her".

"But you sound not so enthusiastic..." Jane commented, "Like you have met her before"

"Ah, no, I've never met her. I have only heard stories. From what I hear though, she is an interesting character...a quite _old_ character, who is very _old_ in her set ways. She has just moved here to live in her summer residence permanently after retiring from the London scene and wishes to meet the neighbourhood".

Jane raised one eyebrow at her husband, "Did you wake me so you would not be there to greet her alone?"

"No"

"Are you sure of that?"

"Give me Henry, Jane. I will hold him so you can go and get freshened up. Quickly now, she will be here any minute".


	112. Chapter 112

Hello all!

THANK YOU for the amazing support. I am forever in your debt, I do not even know how to express my gratitude fully, but please know how humbled I am by it.

I would love it if you send a message saying what you think of the new characters! Or thoughts in general! It absolutely makes my day. I love knowing what you all think.

xoxoxox

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Jane arrived downstairs ten minutes later with Edward. She had asked, knowing what the response would be, if Jenny and some of the other women servants would like to watch Henry during dinner. The answer had been a unanimous and excited affirmative. The girls assured Jane that she could take as long as she liked at dinner as they hurried her from the room.

"This is so strange" Edward said a few minutes later when he and Jane sat in the sitting room, waiting for everyone to arrive downstairs.

"What is?" Jane asked

"Having a stranger over for dinner. What do we know of this Lady Denver? Only that she is simultaneously ancient and new to the neighbourhood. I would be willing to sell my soul to the devil if she turns out to be a decent women and a good conversationalist"

Jane gave him a serious look.

"You will not be selling anything of yours to the devil. Especially for Lady Denver's sake. Who knows? You may find her very charming and kind. It is not good to judge people before you know them, it makes people so bitter. Besides, there was a time you held these sorts of dinners at Thornfield Hall frequently. You need only call upon the powers of suppression you must have at one time employed frequently. Also-"

She sat forward so that he could remove his arm from behind her back.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"It is not proper" Jane said, "Not with company coming"

"Well, she is not here yet!"

"No, but the Captain and Diana will be down shortly".

Edward chuckled, "Like they will care"

"Diana may, in fact" Jane said, lowering her voice. "When I spoke to her today, I realised you may have been right about the sleeping in separate beds-"

"I knew it!" he said triumphantly, cutting Jane off "I knew that was the case. You can always tell".

"Shh, no, lower your voice. I meant metaphorically. Diana said that things have not been so romantic between them since the end of their honeymoon".

"Since their honeymoon? By god Jane, they were only married three months ago. Surely things cannot be so desperate yet?"

Jane knew instantly why his tone had turned more serious. Edward did not take unhappy unions lightly. He himself had been part of one for so long that he could no longer separate himself from the idea of people being in loveless marriages. It was an old memory now, but could be freshly called upon at any moment.

"She was looking for my advice, and I could not honestly give it, for there has never been a moment I have questioned the consistency of your feelings for me. I do not have much experience with what she was feeling, and I did not want her to feel isolated by my honesty in saying such".

"But I know you still gave her a suggestion, for it is in your nature to be helpful"

Jane bit her lip.

"I told her to tell him she loves him out of the blue, because men love being told they are loved, and it works at giving the upper hand every time"

"Does it indeed? And how in the world would you know that?"

"Experience" Jane said, throwing his hand away.

At that moment Diana and Mary rounded the corner, and to Jane's delight she saw that Diana had taken her advice to heart about being a support to Mary until she was ready to open up more fully. Mary smiled at the pair sitting on the couch and advanced towards them, sitting opposite of them in different seats.

"I am excited for dinner tonight" she said, far more brightly than anything else she had said since arriving.

"I am very glad to hear it" Edward responded, looking a little taken a back.

Captain Franklin came into the room just behind the girls, straightening his waistcoat.

"Goodness gracious, I think I have put on weight, this no longer as comfortable as it once was".

"Dearest, that is quite inappropriate to say" Diana said, looking at him with no trace of amusement in her face. Edward turned away from the group to grin broadly at Jane, ruining all of her efforts to keep a straight face. She was afraid of bursting out laughing.

"Stop" she mouthed, her smile wide.

"It has been a long while since I have meet a new acquaintance" Mary continued, not seeming to notice what was happening around her, "And of course with Father Andrew coming back it is sure to be a lovely, charming evening".

Edward and Franklin looked at each other, bemused.

"Father Andrew? My god he was an odd fellow Mary. He was so blundering, and so apologetic, and perhaps even too enthusiastic about his line of work. Why on earth would you ever be happy to see him?" Franklin asked, his head tilted to the side.

"I quite liked him" Diana said, "I did not find him an odd fellow at all"

"Odd? I do not think so" Mary defended "Lively is perhaps a better word for him".

"What do you think Rochester?" Captain Franklin asked, clearly looking for some support.

"Well, he is perhaps not the typical character of a vicar, which I think is a rather good thing".

"I think him very different from any other vicar I have meet" Jane said, "And I grew up surrounded by them in Lowood school. He seems to be refreshing and sensitive, and, most importantly, happy in his chosen career".

"Jane, you are quite right. No wrong can come from him being here this evening, of that I am sure" Diana nodded confidently.

Jane looked at Diana, who was already trying to catch her eye. They smiled at one another, sharing knowing looks.

"Captain, do you know anything of Lady Denver?" Jane asked, still half watching Mary's lingering excitement.

"Not a thing, only what we were told here this afternoon. Though if she has spent her time living in town, I cannot imagine what has inspired her to come here-"

"Apart from having nothing left to say about the city except complaints" Edward chimed in, wisely, "It is generally what happens to people at a certain age".

Before there was any more time to consider, there was the sound of people entering the front door and soon two people were brought into the sitting room. All gathered stood to greet them.

The women that rounded the corner with Father Andrew was perhaps the most intimidating woman Jane had ever seen. The most prominent feature on her face was her eyes which were greatly sunken, giving her the striking appearance of a hawk or some other predatory bird. The large collar of her exceptionally formal dress did not help detract from this bird look, with a high neck that looked like feathers surrounding her face. Her lips were pursed together so tightly that there were deeply defined lines around her mouth that Jane suspected were still apparent when she was not surveying a room critically. She held a cane in her hand which was too short for her, so it caused her to balance herself unevenly and carry her weight more on one side then the other. She wore a look of slight shocked surprise, even though nothing had happened- it was rather as if the whole situation of being in this place with new people was enough to justify such an alarmed look.

Edward was introduced to her first by Father Andrew, and he then proceeded to introduce the rest of the room to her as well. She looked similarly unimpressed by Diana and the Captain and also Mary, but Jane had the curious feeling when Edward had introduced her as his wife, Lady Denver's gaze had softened ever so slightly- hardly noticeably. It was very curious, and Jane was forced to wonder if she had only imagined this in order to make her seem less frightening.

When dinner was announced ten minutes later, Lady Denver had still not said anything to the group, but rather listened and surveyed while others spoke, giving the room a rather self-conscious feel. As the party moved into the dining room, Jane found that they were to be seated next to each other during dinner, and braced herself for the upcoming discomfort.

Suddenly, out of the blue, Lady Denver commented that is was bizarre to see a wife sit to the side of her husband at the head of the table. Edward explained, with some slight annoyance that only Jane could detect as a result of knowing him so well, that when he was blinded she sat beside him in order to help, and a habit had grown from it that neither had any wish to change. She seemed satisfied with this answer, or rather if she was not happy with it she said nothing to indicate so.

"So" She said again, turning to Jane several minutes later while everyone else was engrossed in conversation, "You must be the kindest out of this group of people, and perhaps the best conversationalist. You have been placed beside me at dinner, and I always ask for such a person to be placed beside me".

"I do not deserve to be singled out for such qualities. I am fond of everyone here, for they are all kind, and all good conversationalists"

"Surely you only say such out of politeness rather than genuine feeling".

"Indeed not. If you will excuse me for saying so, I choose the company I keep, and I would not keep company that was unkind, or not fond of good conversation".

Lady Denver looked surprised, but slowly her surprise dissolved into amusement. She observed Jane at length, but Jane did not say anything.

"Well, this sort of raw treatment is refreshing to me. No one ever has the courage to be so blunt with an old woman. Perhaps you are not so harmless after all".

Edward turned towards them at these words, but Jane proceeded without taking notice of him.

"I do not think there is any harm in being honest, I think it is a far better and less clouded way to live"

"Well Ms Rochester, I have meet many, many people in my life who have claimed such but do not live it. Though, from the way you have answered me, I do not think you can be one of them. It is all very interesting to me, you know. Once you live long enough, you can start seeing people for who they truly are and can tell what their character faults will be even before they do"

"You sound very sure of this"

"I am, in fact. You see Ms Rochester, my husband and I were never gifted with children, and so the normal role of being a mother did not take up my womanly years as it should have. I had much spare time on my hands, and very little that needed attending to. I became very good at reading people, for I was observing them constantly at the endless events and parties I attended, despite me never wanting to be there. So, you surely will not object to me being a good reader of people, given my years of experience".

"I would not have objected to the claim in any case, for I do not know you well enough to either agree or contest you. So, in the meantime, I shall be contented to take your word for it".

"Shall I try to convince you? Shall I go around the table and try my hand at reading those in the room for you?"

"I think not. I think it would be a poor use of our time together. I know the people in the room very well, apart from yourself of course. I would much rather learn of your life".

She looked disappointed as she sat back in her chair, not breaking her unforgiving look.

"I have told you all you can possibly want to know of me. I was married, unable to conceive children, and thus unable to do many of the things women typically spend their life doing. What else is there to discuss?"

"Well, the details of your life. A woman does not become identity-less because she does not have children. I could not accept such a notion, for it would mean in all your years of living you never encountered anything interesting, or anything important to impart to another less worldly person".

At this point, Jane could sense that the rest of the tables conversation had subsided and they were now listening to the conversation between herself and Lady Denver, but Jane was intent upon hearing the answer from the women sitting beside her.

"Ask me something I can answer then, for I do not know what you could find to be important about my life"

Jane paused, thinking.

"Why is it that you lived in town all of your life, if you were indeed so weary of parties and events?"

She chuckled, as if the question was a foolish and immature one to ask.

"My husband's work, of course".

"And you could not spend your summers in the country then? When your husband was free from work?"

"No. We could not. For he enjoyed town immensely, and so there was no question whether we would leave it".

There was a sad, stiff, and old reserve in Lady Denver's reply that made Jane pity her. She, like so many women, had lived her life stifling her own desires in order to please her husband- that much was very evident. Though she did not know the details of their marriage, it was clear that she, over her many years, had become very good at this stifling process.

"Then, if the country was not to be an option, what redeemed the city in your eyes?" she asked, encouragingly.

"Surely the theatre!" Diana answered unexpectedly, with much excitement. Lady Denver looked momentarily surprised that she was listening and had spoken, but answered without missing a beat.

"When the right show or ballet was playing it was a tolerable way to spend an evening. Far too social for my taste, however".

"Well, I found it delightful when we went" Diana said, indicating her husband, "I had never been, and so it was quite splendid for me".

"I am glad you think so dear, but the longer you live surrounded by such luxury, the more you become immune to its splendour that, in truth, is nothing more than a dull pallor when thrill is stripped away".

Diana looked hurt, as if she did not know how to respond. Mary too looked far too frightened to chime in. Father Andrew picked up and remarked something about once seeing a production of Romeo and Juliet in London, but his story was cut slightly short by a question posed to Edward.

"Mr Rochester, you are a well travelled man, I am told".

"I have travelled many places, yes" he replied.

Jane thought to herself that if Lady Denver was looking to intimidate another person at the table, she was wrong in her choice of target.

"And did you find that each place is filled with the same sort of mundane things, and the same mundane people? That people far overestimate the value of travelling to different places, and seeing unique things that are not so very different from their home?".

Edward shifted in his chair before answering, putting down his wine glass and looking at her.

"I did. But it was because of the state of mind I was in when I was travelling. I regret now that I was so selfish, and so consumed by my own troubles, for I missed out on many things I would have appreciated far more in better times, and with better company than my own destructive mind".

"Well, I see your wife shares your honesty, Mr Rochester. No doubt you taught her such things".

"No, in fact. I have only ever encouraged what Jane possesses naturally. I admire her honesty in the way I admire everything about her"

Jane sent him look, but he merely smiled subtlety at her, wordlessly defending what he had said.

"Well, at any rate I find much fault in your claim. Seeing places and things, despite whatever a person may be feeling at the time, does not change what the place or thing is. It is impossible".

"Now Lady Denver, I find fault with what you have claimed" Captain Franklin said brightly, sitting up in his chair and leaning over the table. "There have been many cases in my life where my personal feeling has greatly interfered with the experience I was going though. When I met my aunt last week, in fact-"

"Time teaches you control" she replied, bluntly, "Just wait and see".

Edward grinned to himself, bringing his cup to his mouth again in order to disguise his smile. But Jane found it all less amusing. As the dinner continued and then ended with an after dinner drink, the repetitiveness of Lady Denver's cynical and unimpressed answers made Jane feel as if she was a woman with very little to be happy about in the world. It was true she had been rude and dismissive to everyone apart from Jane and Edward, and she still had found fault in everything they had said. Mary had hardly spoken the whole meal, and had only chanced unoffensive and safe answers when she did.

In spite of it all, Jane could not say she disliked her. She felt guilty condemning a woman's character that was so buried with disappointment and a lack of free will overtime, for she was unsure such a person could even know themselves after so long of repressing it. As she sat with Diana, Captain Franklin and Mary after Father Andrew and Lady Denver had departed with Edward for the carriage out front, she could not join in the vocal disapproval towards their dinner guest.

"She was awful" Mary said, definitely. "What a hateful woman"

"With no sense of humour whatsoever" the Captain agreed, "What a terrible existence"

"I thought she was an odd companion for Father Andrew" Diana mused aloud, "What does he see in her that we do not?"

"Quite right" Mary nodded, "It is strange for such a warm person to have such cold company around him. Perhaps he pities her"

"And, perhaps, he knows part of her story that we do not" Jane said, more so out of wishful thinking than a real conviction, "It is almost certain he does. Sometimes, people do not know how to make a good first impression, but does that mean we should forever hold her to that initial assessment?"

"Oh Jane, that is very kind of you to say, but how can you mean that? Lady Denver was plain mean, and if you ask me, she was trying to deflate your confidence time after time with her answers"

"I did not much care" Jane replied honestly, "I was not personally offended by it. Such people always have a reason for being the way they are, and I pity anyone who lands in such a place in their lives".

Edward stepped into the room, wringing his hands. His hair stuck to the sides of his face and his dark green tailcoat was covered with water.

"It is pouring out, good God"

"Edward, tell us what you thought of our guest tonight!" Captain Franklin called, "We will not give you our own opinions, so we will not bias you".

"I'm not sure there is much to tell" he said frankly, throwing off his coat, "Obviously Lady Denver is an unpleasant woman, but we do not know her or anything of her situation. She was so reluctant to speak of the personal details of her life, there is no way to fairly judge her".

Jane felt a swell of appreciation for Edward, and for his answer.

"Well, both you and Jane are kinder than us" Diana said, looking to her cousin, "As per usual"

"Excuse me" the Captain interjected, "But I bore her insult very well when she called me a child in a mans body".

Jane burst out laughing, and soon started a ripple of laughter all over the room that soon turned to eager laughing from everyone. Jane felt her cheeks blush, and she covered her mouth as Edward turned to her, grinning from ear to ear.

. . . . . .

Later when Jane was dressing for bed, she and Edward talked at length about Lady Denver. He agreed with Jane in saying it was unfair to make a judgement based on one impression, but also said he was put off by the rudeness and inferiority of the majority of her answers.

"It is a very odd way to meet new people in a new, and very small place- contradict everything they say and make them feel inferior when they answer. I do not know what game she is playing at, but if I were her I would be careful of building a reputation she will not be able to undo".

Jane crawled into bed beside him, pulling the blankets up around her.

"I know, I know. But Father Andrew likes her, clearly- or he at least sympathised with her enough to ask her to dinner at a new house. That must mean something".

"He is a pastor, Jane. It is his job to be equally kind to everyone"

"Indeed, but how many vicars do you know that actually live by that?"

"Fair" he said, opening his arms so Jane could crawl into his embrace.

"Well, tonight is not the last we will have seen of Lady Denver" Jane said, "I have a sneaking suspicious that we will see her Sunday at Henry's baptism too".

Edward groaned miserably into the air, putting his hand to his forehead. Jane smiled to herself, putting her arm lazily across Edward's chest.

"In fact, if she is to be attached to Father Andrews hip, I fear we will see her even frequently"

"What do you mean by that?" Edward asked sleepily, kissing the top of Jane's head absentmindedly as he closed his eyes.

"I think Mary will be doing as much as she can to be in his presence when possible, and while she is here that means we will see him too".

"Mmm" Edward grunted in agreement, but his eyes opened again as he looked down at Jane.

"Wait, why?"

"Because she is interested in him"

"Interested in what? Helping him get established as a pastor here?"

"No Edward" Jane said, turning over on her stomach to look up at him, " _Interested_ in him"

He went to answer but stopped himself, looking absolutely puzzled.

" _Interested_ in him?"

"Mhm"

"Are you sure? That does not seem quite right"

"I am sure".

"But I thought all of that praise of him this afternoon was because he managed to assure her in some way the other day? I thought she was grateful to him, I did not think it was romantic"

"Well, love comes in all types of ways-"

"Yes Jane, but Father Andrew? He just seems so... young, and excitable"

"Well now, not everyone can find a man like the one I found in you- contrary, worldly and experienced".

He shot Jane an unamused look, but she grinned at him and kissed his lips briefly before settling back into his embrace.

"Just promise me something, love"

"Anything"

"Promise me that if you ever have to leave me, for some unknown and horrible reason, you will not fall for the likes of Father Andrew"

Jane laughed into his side, shaking her head.


	113. Chapter 113

Hello lovely, lovely readers.

I am so sorry for the delay with this chapter. I wrote and re-wrote it many different times but it never fully sat right with me.

 **I would LOVE to hear what your favourite aspect of Jane and Edward's relationship is!** It is something I am constantly considering when writing and I would love some of your feedback. Charlotte Bronte wrote two amazing characters when she wrote Jane and Rochester, and there are always so many things to unpack and think about.

Hope you are all really well!, xoxoxox

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As Sunday approached and Henry's baptism drew nearer, Jane felt an increasing sense of worry in herself and the household. Although there had been general happiness and excitement when it was first said that it would be taking place, as the day actually came closer, anxieties began to rise within the family that Jane could not remove herself from.

Jane guessed that Mary would not have been so willing to attend the baptism if it had not been for Father Andrew urging her to do so on his visit. Love after all was a powerful motivator, Jane had reminded herself. Mary had said yes, and after the Fathers visit seemed to have a renewed sense of self and confidence to step out in public as visibly pregnant as she was. But, in the time that had passed since he had come to see her, Mary had had plenty of time to start worrying about what people would say to, and about, her. At dinners she frequently asked what the gathered party thought people would say to her, and what her response should be. The first time Jane had dismissed the sense of worry, but as she had asked the question repeatedly, and with more and more concern, it was clear she was dreading the day immensely.

Diana shared Jane's sympathy for Mary, but Diana also seemed less interested with what people would say to Mary and was instead worried about what people may ask her as the sister. She had learned that some of the Captain's family would surely be attendance as the baptism was happening during regular church service, and suddenly became very concerned with the fact that they would surely ask her difficult questions. When Jane had been surprised with her for reverting to her old way of thinking, Diana had assured Jane that the Captain's family would not sway her from supporting her sister, rather she regretted very much she would have to say anything at all to them.

Captain Franklin could have been very helpful in diffusing the situation, Jane thought. He could have reassured Diana, and by extension Mary, who had also began worrying about Diana's concerns, that what his family thought did not matter at all, for it was what he truly believed. Instead, he took the approach of ignoring such thoughts all together. One day, Jane overheard her husband talking with Captain Franklin in the sitting room. The Captain was telling Mr Rochester how he knew Diana and Mary were upset but could not really see why. Edward had responded that while the Captain had every right, and perhaps reason, to disown his own family, his wife and her sister did not. Because Diana and Mary were generally unknown to them, what his family thought of them mattered very much. After that, the Captain seemed to take a more active role in reassuring them, though they both clearly still had apprehensions.

Jane listened to both her cousins concerns out of respect for their feelings, but in truth, she was forced to separate herself from their fears. She did not have the concern for what society thought of her as Diana and Mary did, for she had married a man that outranked her in station, fortune, and family name and had long suffered for it. Overtime, she had learned not only to stop caring, but to not hear the comments at all. She only wished she could impart the same self assurance on her cousins.

The whole situation had become very complicated for something that was so simple. It was a baptism for their child, nothing more or less controversial than that. Jane had wished many times over that she and her husband could simply ride to a further away church and have a quiet sacrament, but with Father Andrew so excited, such a thing was now quite impossible.

. . .

On Saturday night, Jane had slept for a very short period before tossing and turning for a long time. Although she had separated her own feelings from her cousins fears, she could not help but think over what they were feeling. More importantly, she felt incredibly guilty lying next to her husband that they had been too busy over the past few days, and between dealing with Henry and trying to balance the feelings of everyone in the house she had somewhat neglected him.

The pit sitting in her stomach did not go away the longer she lay awake and tried reasoning with herself, so after much deliberation, Jane turned over and shook Edward's arm gently. He stirred, grunting the kind of way one does after being woken from a deep sleep. His eyes flicked opened and he looked at Jane expectantly. She sat up, sitting cross-legged before him.

"Can I be very selfish?"

He smiled at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners with affection.

"Yes" he said, untangling Jane's fumbling hands. "Despite how very selfish it is to wake me up in the middle of the night, Ms Rochester".

"Do not tell me that" Jane grimaced, "You will make me feel very guilty and then I should not know how to proceed"

"Nonsense. I can see something is on your mind. Come, tell me"

Jane pushed her hair back out of her face and sighed, looking out of the window behind her bed. The night was crystal clear, and there was absolutely no sound coming through the opened windows. All was very still.

"You know how busy it has been the past few days?"

"Mhm"

"And how much we have been torn in opposite directions, trying to accomplish different things in order to help our guests as much as we can"

"Yes"

"And its caused us to be more separate than normal for a little while?"

He raised his eyebrow at her in response.

"Can you please just tell me what your day was like? I would have asked earlier, but I think I was asleep when you arrived upstairs"

Her words seemed to stun him. His face stretched into a smile and he laughed.

"To be clear, you could not fall back asleep because you didn't ask me before bed how my day was?"

"Not exactly" Jane explained, "But in general I am uneasy when I feel we are not on the same page"

"Very well" He said, propping himself up on his arm and looking Jane fully in the face, "Shall I give you the full rundown?"

"Mhm"

"I woke up and had a perfect morning, because I made love to you, and you were struggling very much to remain quiet for the sake of our sleeping guests next door-"

"Mmm, I remember that part" Jane said blusing, grabbing his upper arm affectionately to stop him from continuing.

"Why are you blushing?" he said, clearly very amused.

Jane still found talking about her own intimate life slightly embarrassing. She still did not think of herself as a particularly attractive person, and so found talking about making love to someone she found to be the most attractive person in the world always took her by surprise. She conveyed as much to her husband, seeing surprise spread over his face.

"You? Not attractive? Are you mad?."

"Remember the times you told me I was not a handsome creature? I miss those days"

He smiled, "I was lying. Physical beauty in no way equates true attractiveness. Besides, attractive would be such a shallow word to describe you. It is nothing to intellect, generosity, and kindness. In those ways, and so many others, you are untouchable".

"Continue on" Jane urged, "I wish to hear more"

"Of how beautiful you are?"

"No" she said rolling her eyes, for he had known what she meant. "About your day"

He smiled, "After that we ate breakfast with our guests, and following that I am afraid I spent much of the day in my study, trying to sort out some papers"

"Which papers?" Jane asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Eshton returns tomorrow, and he has much paperwork to crosscheck from his own notes as magistrate. I fear I quite neglected the organisation of such documents, so I had to go through them and try to arrange them in a way he could actually read them".

"Sounds fearfully exciting"

"Cursing myself for disorganisation all day? It was very exciting indeed" he said, leaning forward and kissing Jane's lips briefly.

"And then?"

"Then I watched Henry while you were speaking with the ladies downstairs in the kitchen, and he was quite happier than normal, which was wonderful. He was making faces, and playing with my fingers, all new things for him. I could have watched him all day. But you returned, we traded off roles quickly. I spent the rest of the day with Mr Miller on the end of the estate, his wife is still not back from her travels, and he is quite lonely. I came with more tasks for him to complete, which I think he is quite grateful for at the moment- it keeps his mind off his family".

Ms Miller, Jane's trusted companion on the estate and the women who had helped her through birth and the following months had been gone for some weeks to see her dying sister. She had been estranged from her family after marrying Mr Miller, for he was white, but as her sister lay dying she had asked for her to come, and so she had taken her children to see her many miles off. Her husband eagerly awaited her arrival each day.

"I hope she will be back soon. I hate seeing him with his head hung so low, doing all of his tasks with such a productive ferocity. I know how much he wants her home again with the children".

"I still do not know why she took the children" Edward said, "Her sister rejected her all of her married life and wanted nothing to do with the children before on the account of something as meaningless as race. Now that she is dying, she receives a free pass for her past mistakes to be wiped clean from her consciousness? I certainly was not given that"

"Not a free pass- she is looking for forgiveness. I think we all deserve that".

"I'm not sure Jane. It seems an awful thing to do to your family in life- punishing someone for loving another person".

"You never got the chance to repair things with your family" Jane said, "So you know how painful it is to live with a relationship that is eternally broken".

"I never could have repaired things with them" he said, dislike flooding his voice, "I wouldn't have wanted to. They were such grotesque human beings, I wanted no part of their lives".

"I know that" Jane said, touching his knee, "So if someone did have the ability to, wouldn't you think its a good idea?"

"Perhaps" he replied, "Perhaps if they were not as my father and brother were. Any involvement with them was too much. Good God Jane, angel as you are, you could not have stomached their attitudes and behaviour for five minutes"

"Perhaps you underestimate me, perhaps they would have found me charming and I would have liked them"

"Stop" he said, waving his hand in the air. "I do not need to have that image in my mind".

Jane only laughed, her gaze drifting back to the opened window.

"What about you? What about your day?"

She did not bring her gaze back to him as she replied.

"I spent much of my day feeling very angry with myself for caring about the things Diana and Mary were saying" she replied honestly, "I hated that something had momentarily swayed me into believing it"

Edward nodded in understanding,

"I have not forgotten, Jane, that you did not ask for this social position in life when you married me. You did not care about rank, or fortune, or an old name to carry you in society. I am sure you did not even give society itself any thought. In becoming my wife you have learned in a year what most young women who marry well learn over their whole teenage life, and you have done it wonderfully. But, I also do not forget that you do not have practice in brushing off the things people will say of those who you are close with, because they have nothing more important to fill their meaningless lives with. You do not have a long experience in knowing the upper class will talk about anything and anyone in order to remain entertained. The problem with this is that you care very much about those you love, and do not wish their name to be darkened with inaccuracies. Do not let Diana and Mary's concerns about others useless prattle bother you, for I know it will far more than it should. Tomorrow shall come and pass with nothing significant in between, and they shall feel silly that they were concerned at all".

"Alright" Jane said softly, sighing deeply "Kiss me goodnight and do not forget to wake me up as soon as you get up tomorrow, for I am sure I will not wake up of my own accord and the morning will be too busy to sleep in".

"Okay then" he replied, pulling Jane forward by the neckline of her nightgown and kissing her deeply. When the kiss dissolved Jane touched the side of his face.

"Thank you"

"Do not thank me. I will never tire of you waking me from sleep so I can look upon your face"

"I do not think such will be the case tomorrow morning" Jane said, laying back down in bed and being drawn to Edward's chest.

He chuckled heartily into her, kissing her neck affectionately.

. . . . . . . .

The next morning was a hectic one, but after the previous night's conversation, Jane felt returned to her normal self. She had been reminded of her natural lack of care for what others said or thought of her or her family, and being once again far removed from their concerns, she could be of help to her cousins. She took their concerns in stride over breakfast, giving her confidant and honest feelings of reassurance. She seemed to cheer them enough so that they left to get dressed with a spring in their step that had been missing for some days.

When it came time to leave for church, Diana, Captain Franklin and Mary piled into one carriage bickering slightly while the Rochester's climbed into the other. When the door had been closed and they set off.

As always, Jane had a wonderful conversation for the whole ride with her husband. It always felt too short with him, that they never had enough time to discuss everything they wanted. Jane was reminded of his admirable nature as the bumpy road caused Henry to cry quite inconsolably. At one time, Jane remembered hearing him tell her with disdain that he had absolutely no fondness for children and that his long and distant lack of acquaintance with them was by choice. Now, she watched him move across the carriage and sit beside her, trying to help soothe his baby writhing in her arms with as much passion and intention as any action he did. She had long since understood every fowl mood and bad disposition she had experienced at his hand were not part of his natural character, and now that the circumstances that had caused such in him were gone, he had softened and become the person who he had always been underneath. Jane secretly grieved for all the time he was wasting away under the burden of disappointment, but kept such thoughts to herself. There was no value in reminding him of such times, not when he was so happy.

"You know Jane, I have a great joy in attending church with you"

"Do you?"

"Yes. I have always said you are my good angel, sent from above. I fear no judgement in your presence, though God knows I have much to be judged for. He returned you to me, and perhaps I at last deserved you. It feels strange though, for I have a sneaking suspicion that church, for many there, is far more about judging others than being freed of ones own burdens".

"I agree with you. At Moorhouse, I did not attend regular church service and it worked out perfectly well for me" Jane replied,

"You did not? Why on earth? St John must not have been pleased with that decision"

Jane smiled, "He was not, now that you mention it. But I had just quitted Thornfield, and while living there we did not attend any regular church service. I felt closer to God during that time than I had in my whole life, even more than when I attended church service at Lowood multiple times a day. It was then I learned that God did not reside in any four walls more than he resides in all hearts. And besides that, I had just quitted you, and I was angry that he made me do it. I had much to be angry at in those days, and yet much to be very thankful for. I spoke to God often in my own way, and that did not require me to go to any particular place".

"Mmm" Edward said, eyeing her thoughtfully. "You never have been predictable, Jane Rochester. Who would have thought that a girl coming from an 8 year long nightmare at a religious institution you would have such independent thoughts of religion as you do"

"Well, as you say it was a nightmare. It did little to inspire a rigorous system for religious study in my everyday life".

"Did you explain this to the surely disgruntled St John?"

Jane grinned to herself- he never tired of hearing her speak ill of him. It was hard to blame him after all Jane had told him, for nothing of his constricted and tamed personality was like the passionate and loving fire of her husband.

"Yes, but unlike you he never strained himself to see things from another persons point of view. He dismissed my thoughts, and told me that with an established routine, in time, I would feel much differently. And, perhaps he would have been right, but I had no desire to try his recommendation".

"Though I am not sure I could ever welcome him with opened arms after all he said to you..." Edward began slowly, "Would you wish to see St John again, if given the chance?"

"Indeed" Jane said, without much thought, "He is my family, and he cannot help his narrow way of thinking in the same way you cannot help your grand passion for life and all it contains within it. But perhaps I can only give my answer so confidently because I am sure I will never see him again. St John will serve and eventually die in India, happy in having served his purpose".

"Do Diana and Mary suspect the same?" Edward asked, hesitantly.

"I think not. I believe they still think after a year or two of service he will realise the comforts of home and return. I think that he is willing to stay and die to prove a point".

"Well, so long as they believe him content in doing what he chose, they cannot be unhappy for him"

"No, indeed not" Jane said, simply, "It is so funny, he is nothing like the type of vicar Father Andrew is".

Edward shook his head, "No one is. His good nature unsettles me, for no one is naturally so kind and enthusiastic".

"What a grumpy old man you suddenly seem like" Jane said, smiling up at her husband.

"I am only saying that he seems young, and very unacquainted with the world"

"I was the exact same way when you meet me" Jane added, "Perhaps even more unacquainted with the ways of the world than him".

"But you were not like him at all. You were aware of your limited knowledge- you talked about such openly with an appetite to learn all you could, but also with a critical eye for reason and truth in all that was told to you. Because of such you learned intuition as well as knowledge, and because of your sensitive nature and your ability to have others confide in you, even when you do not ask for their confidences, you could sense much of what I imparted to you without me needing to tell you directly. I can say in full confidence that Father Andrew is not the same way, for you never once appeared young or silly to me in your lack of knowledge".

"Perhaps he does not have an honest teacher as you were to me".

"He could only have an honest partner in conversation if he was completely nonjudgmental of past wrongdoings and misfortunes in the way you were. People like myself, Jane, need someone who can hear a story without reiterating the regret the speaker is surely feeling in relaying it ".

"And yet" Jane said, rocking Henry a little more fervently as he began to fuss, "I can tell you do not dislike him. I think he rather amuses you".

"As I have said, you never appeared young to me in the slightest, so I feel it has been a long time since being around a young person on the brink of knowing the world in all its possibilities. He wears his experiences on his sleeve, and is unaware that the people around him may know more than he does, and have learned things that have dimmed the youthful enthusiasm he has in abundance. That sort of blind pride and optimism reminds me of the shadow of a person I was a long time ago. I like him indeed, for I think him different from the mould of other vicars, and surely that takes some sort of bravery".

"He wishes to see the best in people" Jane joined, "That is a rare quality. I hope his enthusiasm does not dim overtime. I believe you are right, I think he would be willing to turn away from certain aspects of reality in order to keep it. I know he will never be your very close friend remaining the way he is now, for your dispositions, interests and knowledge are indeed too different. But, because someone could not become a close friend does not mean that they are any less valuable".

"You are very right" Mr Rochester agreed, "But I have learned that lesson long ago, on the first day I meet you. You have dimmed every acquaintance in my life by comparison since then. I did not know before meeting you that it was possible to give yourself away to another human being as I wished to give myself away to you. I did not know such likeness and ease of being could pass between people. I did not know another person could know my thoughts if I did not speak them aloud".

"Mmm" Jane rejoined, kissing her husbands cheek. She dared not do more balancing Henry in her arms on the rocky road. Instead, Edward put his arm around her and cradled his wife and son close to him. Jane hardly could have felt more loved in that moment.


	114. Chapter 114

The Rochester's coach stopped in front of the church right behind the one carrying the Captain, Diana and Mary. When Edward stepped out of the carriage Jane had a quick moment of seeing everyone gathered outside of the church before being helped from the carriage herself. Jane observed the vast variety of people standing around. There were very old couples, all of whom looked like they disliked the company of the person they were with immensely. The older women in general were dressed with an outdated over-formality that looked odd and out of place on a Sunday morning. Many high necks and frills around collars gave them the impression of being half-strangled by their own clothing. The older men talked among themselves, but the women remained silent. Perhaps they had had too many years of talking to one another to have anything new to say. Many families were also in attendance, with in some cases what looked like upwards of ten kids. The mothers called to the children running circles around the gathered group, looking frustrated and tired. There were young people too, surely male bachelors and single ladies who were batting their eyes in the direction of the young gentlemen that had no time for the glances being sent their way. They too talked loudly and happily to one another, standing confidently with their hands on their hips. Everyone it appeared was standing in a loose line so that they would greet Father Andrew before service began. Captain Franklin, Diana and Mary reached the Rochester's side and they all advanced to join the line. Most heads had turned to watch them.

By this time, Jane and her husband were well known to most people in the town, perhaps for their now infamous marriage more than anything else, but this did not matter. Jane thought that they would be the sight of much speculation, and they were. Though her husband was not the most handsome man present, he had, as he always did, an impressive and important presence without any conscious effort. It was the old pride that Jane had sensed in him when they had first meet- the self assurance that was unaware, and not at all motivated by any sort of vanity. It caused the group to look away almost as quickly as it had turned towards them.

Father Andrew looked up at the gathered congregation as he went to meet the next people in line and saw the Rochester's, waving enthusiastically before turning back to greet those standing before him. Jane, Mr Rochester and Henry stood in line waiting to enter the church with the others, fully aware of those watching them intently.

"Good lord, what have we gotten ourselves into" Edward said lowly to Jane, completely unimpressed with the situation he had found himself in. But his wife only smiled.

"Be good, just for a little while. Oh my bootlace, here"

Edward took Henry from Jane as she bent down to fix her shoe. He bounced him in his arms gently, speaking to him quietly. As Jane stood up, she saw many people watching Edward with his son, looking surprised and confused. It was not customary for a father to take care of his child- not until they were perhaps twelve years of age. The sight must have been baffling to some, but Jane only took her husbands arm and continued forward to Father Andrew.

"Hello father!" Diana said as the group reached him. He clapped his hands together, smiling brightly.

"Hello Mr Rochester, Ms Rochester, Captain, Ms Franklin, and Miss Mary. And of course-" he said, reaching forward to tickle Henry gently, "The man of the hour".

But Henry began to cry when Father Andrew approached him, and the priest was subsequently mortified. It took far too long to reassure Father Andrew he had done nothing wrong, and when they moved into the church to find a seat, he still looked quite shaken.

"Dearest" Diana snapped quietly at her husband who was trying to squeeze into the back row of the church, "What in heavens name are you doing?"

"Sitting down?"

"Back there? Good heavens, we are sitting in the front for the baptism. Get up, now".

"The front?" Edward asked, turning to Jane, "Why?"

"To be close to the font" Mary replied, quietly.

There were two pews at the front of the church empty, and presumably reserved for the baptism apart from two figures already seated there. When they turned around, Jane saw the Eshton's smiling at them and waving.

"Hello all!" Anne said, nodding to the group, "How are you? It has been far too long. What a pleasure to see all of you again. I did not expect it!"

Their excited voices were muffled by the low conversational buzz about the room.

"Very well! And yourselves?" Diana replied.

Diana and her husband sat down with Mary in the pew behind where Jane and Edward had moved besides the Eshton's . Anne turned around to ask Mary of her wellness, but Mary only mumbled some response that was inaudible and sat with her eyes bent on the floor. Anne turned slowly, meeting Jane's meaningful glance that promised she would explain later.

"Rochester" Eshton said, grinning "I never thought I would see the day where you were back in church"

"Nor I with you" he replied, raising his eyebrow. "I cannot imagine what transpired to have you in attendance today"

"Long story. But it comes down to women, and you know you must keep them happy".

"Goodness darling, you could be a little less straightforward" Anne said, looking to him and then back at the Rochester's, amazed.

"I dragged him kicking and screaming this morning. He only agreed to come when he heard you both would be here" she explained.

"I thought you all may join us back at our house after the baptism for a celebratory lunch" Eshton continued, "It has been far too long, and there is much to tell. Come, say you will".

"We would normally like to, very much" Rochester said, "But our servants have prepared a lunch for us in celebration, and it would be quite unforgivable to not attend, they have been up since dawn, I am sure".

"Then it shall be lunch at your place this time and ours the next" Eshton nodded affirmatively, "I cannot complain. Your cooks are far better than ours".

Anne was sending him a severe and horrible glance while Jane laughed with her husband silently.

"It is cold in here" Edward said, indicating Henry, "Do you think it is too cold for him?"

"I will get his blanket. Where did you put it?"

A pause.

"I did not put it anywhere, I thought you did"

"I had to feed him just before we left, so I asked you to find it"

"Well" Edward said, rocking his son apologetically, "I did not go and find it, I'm sorry, I did not hear you".

Jane looked at him, ready to say something else, but she realised the fact that she had woken him up in the middle of the night probably had something to do with it. So, she stopped and instead shook her head.

"I'm sorry, I should have been more clear. It is far warmer outside than it is in here. We can take turns walking him in and out when we need to".

"Well, let me see if the carriage has left" Edward said, standing, "There are always extra clean blankets in there since Henry's arrivial. I'll be back in a moment".

He handed their baby back to Jane and took off towards the church doors. Jane held Henry close to her, feeling to see if his hands were too cold.

"You see" Captain Franklin said, throwing his hands in the air, "That is how you have an argument, Diana. Rochester forgot, but Jane did not berate him, they have just solved the problem and moved past the issue with no hostility at all"

Eshton laughed heartily, and both Anne and Diana looked slightly cross with their husbands.

"If you ever think you will have the ability to communicate like Jane and Rochester, you are much mistaken" Eshton said, amused. "They are one of a kind".

Jane turned to look at those around her.

"Oh no, he forgot this morning because of me. I woke him up last night, and I am sure he did not go back to sleep for quite some time. Tiredness has made him inattentive, and that is my doing".

"See" Diana said, "So, it was not Jane forgiving him, it was him not getting upset at her"

"Oh please, imagine that" the Captain replied.

"I would appreciate if everyone would stop putting my marriage on a pedestal" Jane said, slightly amused and slightly serious, "It makes me feel as if I have far too much of a falsity to live up to. Besides, I am married to Edward Rochester, and if you know him at all you know that that means things are never dull ".

"Well then stop acting so perfectly and we will gladly take you off the pedestal" Anne teased, "It would give the rest of us far less to feel inadequate about"

At that moment Edward moved back along the pew, sitting down beside Jane.

"Here" he said, passing her a blanket to wrap around Henry. "I thought I should take this as well. You may get cold in here too, seeing as you are always cold- no matter where we are".

Jane felt her cheeks burn bright pink as he wrapped her shawl around her shoulders. Her arms were full with Henry, and she could not do it herself.

She was fully aware she was being watched intently.

"Jane, why are you blushing like that?" he asked amused, "What have they been saying?"

"Oh nothing, but you have just confirmed a theory for us" Eshton said,

Edward looked to his wife for clarification.

"Apparently, we are the perfect couple" Jane said amused, "Or so they all seem to believe"

"Well you are perfect to me" he replied, "Though I am far more flawed than you, so I know we cannot be perfect".

Jane looked at him, the corners of her mouth turning into a slight smile as Father Andrew moved to the front of the church.

"It is a good thing I love you very much" Jane said only loudly enough for Edward to hear, "Otherwise, I should be mad at you"

"Shh, Jane. This is a house of God, and we mustn't speak of anger. It is Sunday, after all"

"Don't you speak of it being Sunday to me-"

"Oh look, he is starting" Edward said, smirking. He reached for his wife's hand, and Jane did not push it away.

Father Andrew walked briskly through the church, completely unaware of his surroundings. He caught his foot on the floor and tripped, barely catching himself as the heavy bible in his arms pulled him forward.

"Oh my" he said flustered, straightening up "How very close".

Mr Eshton laughed, but quickly disguised it as a cough. Jane looked over at Edward, who was smiling and looking straight forward. She felt a slight squeeze to her hand.

Father Andrew walked to the altar and stood before the congregation,

"Good morning to you all. I would like to take a few minutes to introduce myself to you, seeing as I am new and I wish to know you all very well. I am Father Andrew, and I have just moved from Bath to be your Vicar here. It was a difficult choice, but since moving here I have meet many wonderful people. For example, the Rochester family here today to Baptise their son-"

"Christ" Edward said to himself, angrily.

"They invited me warmly into their home, and made me feel part of the community of people here. Mr Rochester, of whom I had heard so much about, was very kind to allow me use of his carriage for a ride home, for I had not obtained one yet, and it was a long walk back to the parsonage here. His kindness towards a stranger did not go unnoticed, and that is why I am honoured to be the priest to conduct his, and his lovely wife's, beautiful son's baptism".

Edward looked as if he had never been so unimpressed in the whole of his life. It was true that Mr Rochester's kindness to him had not been so far outside of the ordinary, for offering a carriage was not a big trouble. But, Father Andrew seemed to be touched beyond expression at such a gesture, and had made it clear in front of the whole congregation how much he appreciated it. When Father Andrew had turned back to the congregation to discuss his times for private prayers and confession, Jane rubbed her husbands arm reassuringly.

"Jane-"

"I know".

The service itself proved to be far easier than the conversation before. Both Jane and Edward had long forgotten about the watchful crowd's gaze when they stepped forward to have their son baptised. It was a special feeling, holding him together and recognising what they had created before God. Jane was humbled by the moment, as she knew her husband was, for neither had ever expected a family for themselves, let along a family like this one. It was hard not to feel the truth of their lives in that moment.

How had this ever come to pass? This thought consumed Jane as she sat through the final part of mass.

When everything had finished, there was a rush of people who came to congratulate Jane and Mr Rochester. Although Jane suspected most of the words were false and more out of nosiness rather than real feeling, some words were very sweet and kind. One older couple in particular who had congratulated them seemed especially touched, and wished them the vest best in their lives together. The Eshton's, Diana and her husband and Mary all were speaking to different people as Father Andrew approached them.

"Thank you, Father" Edward said, "For baptising our son"

"Of course. I was only about to thank you for allowing me the pleasure. I love baptisms, as I love weddings, they are always such joyous occasions".

Mary turned as they lady she was speaking to left, she leaned over to Jane and spoke lowly.

"Do you think Father may enjoy coming for lunch? I am sure he has no where else to be"

"But of course, you can invite him, if you like".

Diana smiled at Jane, but Captain Franklin looked confused.

"Father" Mary spoke up, drawing him out of his conversation with Mr Rochester, "Would you care to join us for lunch?"

"Oh yes" he said, smiling, "Very much".

. . . . . . .

As she got dressed for bed that night, Jane could not help but think over how drastically her life had changed- and how much she had changed. She thought about this often, but there was something about the group of people who sat at her table that afternoon that had stirred these thoughts again within her. She now had a group of people in her life she loved, and who loved her in return. She had friends who cared for her exactly as she was. She had seen so much genuine care and affection pass between the group who had come for lunch that she was filled with a notion of love that in her youth was not only foreign, but impossible to her.

When Jane's nightgown was slipped over her head she went to Henry's bassinet and picked him up.

"You did not think I would leave you in there for very long, did you?" Jane asked, kissing his head. "No, of course not".

She brought him to the bed where she sat with her back to the headboard and knees pulled up so she could rest him on her legs. His little hands gripped her fingers as she danced his hands back and forth.

"You did so well today. You did not even shed a tear while you were in church, and I was sure you were going to. If you had done so, you may have given your father an excuse to walk outside, and then he would have thanked you".

He smiled up at his mother, his cheeks crinkling his eyes. Jane kissed his forehead. The door then opened and Edward stepped inside, looking tired. Even the effort to close the door seemed to take more concentration than before.

"Look, there your father is. Looking far more tired than yourself"

"Oh please tell me Jane that is not the case"

Jane only smiled, "I can take the first round, I know you are tired".

Edward stepped out of his clothes, leaving them thrown lazily on a chair. He pulled on his nightshirt with an equal lack of gusto. When he collapsed into bed Jane sighed and put her hand on his back.

"What is wrong?"

"Nothing" he said, simply, "Nothing at all. Today has just given me a lot to think about".

"What sorts of things?" Jane implored, rubbing his back habitually.

"Sitting at our lunch table today I was struck by several different things. First, how strangely my life has transpired from the dark and grim one I always imagined and frankly, expected it to be. Secondly, I was struck by how truly, and indescribably superior you are to every other person in the room at any given moment, which is a lot given how much I genuinely enjoy the company of everyone gathered here today. But I do not know why I am so surprised still, for I do know how exceptional you are".

Jane stopped rubbing his back, and he looked up at her.

"You do not have to stop that, you know"

"But you must stop the flattery" Jane said, "You know very well that I am not far superior to everyone that was gathered here today. You say that because your love for me biases you, and I would rather not hear it".

He turned over to look at his wife,

"You are very bad at accepting compliments"

"Only when they are untrue"

"No, it is all of them" he said, "And they are not untrue! They do not need to be with you".

Jane leaned forward and kissed his cheek,

"I love you"

"Ah, there is my wife, after I have broken her down into submission. Here-" he said, sitting up and holding out his arms to see Henry. "Let me hold him for a little while, you lie down".

Jane did not contest his offer. She pulled the blankets over herself and lay facing her husband and son. Edward was feeling his soft head of hair smiling.

"I think it is getting darker" he commented, "Surely his hair is darker than it was this afternoon".

"Well, indeed if he is going to look like his father it must be darker...and he must obtain a little more of it, but I think it will be curly too".

Edward smiled his proud smile that was remarkable in its ability to make one feel. It was reserved for special people and moments, however, and did not cross his face often. Jane marvelled at the image of him and their child together. How could life be more perfect than this?

"Tell me more of what crossed your mind today" Jane said, "I never grow tired of hearing what you think".

He smiled at her laying beside him and looked thoughtful for a moment.

"You remember when you told me Mary fancied Father Andrew?"

"Yes?"

"Well since you have enlightened me I see it clearly from her. Though, I cannot make out what he feels for her".

"I wish I could say it was love" Jane lamented, "I wish I could believe that, and if she was not in the situation she is in I would be confidant to declare it as such. But her life now will always be very complicated, and I fear this horrible attack on her has most likely sealed her fate of ever having a family like she so much desired".

"Well especially given his career. He is the beacon of moral order here now, and I am afraid to say it would take a very brave man indeed to defy what the community thought of his moral competency".

"I know" Jane agreed sadly. "And how can anyone besides that horrible man be held responsible?"

"They cannot be" her husband assured her, "And until we can locate him, I am sorry I cannot give you or Mary something more satisfying. Now that Eshton is back, perhaps we will have more luck in trying to track him down".

Jane held his arm, looking up into his face. "Thank you, truly. I know how much work you have put into finding him, and I know how thankful Mary is".

"It is selfishly motivated too" he assured Jane, "The thoughts of a man like that in this world when I have a wife to protect is unbearable to me. I want to see that man put away where he will never see the light of day again".

"Mmm" Jane agreed, closing her eyes momentarily, "I could not agree with you more".

Jane opened one eye, grinning at Edward.

"I find it funny how much Diana and the Captain fight. Did you hear them exiting the carriage earlier?"

Edward chuckled lowly, shaking his head.

"I heard Eshton trying to crack a joke to lighten the mood, and that is never a good sign".

"Do you think it could be a serious problem in future?"

"No" Edward answered quickly, "Not at all. They have just been together a lot recently, and Diana does not have a home to attend to at present to keep her busy. Nor does Franklin have any work to do as a military man. Idle people make for idle lives and that always leads to fighting".

Jane propped her head up on her arm, thinking.

"Edward, did it make you uncomfortable when they referred to us as a perfect couple? They do it often and we simply are not perfect".

"We are pretty close" he said, grinning at her,

"I am serious"

He placed Henry in between them, cradled safely between his two parents bodies. He was wrapped tightly in blankets which kept him warm and fast asleep.

"I do not like the attention, which you know, but the price for being a wonderful person Jane, is that people will always love examining parts of your life that is so different from their own. And, because I am far less good than you, but I am bound to you in marriage, I am brought into that examination too. I am not sure how personal it really is".

"I cannot help it" Jane said, smiling happily at him, "I love you. I love you more than I trust myself to say. I cannot hide it and I have no desire to".

Edward drew her to his mouth and kissed her deeply, cautious of the baby sleeping between them. Jane felt dissatisfaction spread through her when the kiss ended but pressed her forehead to her husbands reassuringly.

"Jane Rochester, you are everything to me. Everything" he said, cradling her face.


	115. Chapter 115

The next morning was a sleepy one in the Rochester household for everyone apart from Jane and Edward, for Henry had cried through the night and into the morning. Jane dressed sleepily, not fully aware of what she was doing through yawns, but it felt good to be able to get up and move about the house rather than being confined to pacing within their bedroom, for they could not wake their guests too pacing the hallway. After Edward had traded Henry with Jane so he too could get dressed, the three went downstairs for a quiet breakfast. It was still very early, but the servants were used to the Rochester's being awake with their son, and so it did not take long for food to be brought to them in the dining room. Henry lay in a mobile pram beside the table as his parents ate, talking contended to one another.

"Do you have anything planned for today?" Edward asked, "Dammit. Do you mind if we switch teas? I put too much milk in mine"

"Of course" she answered, sliding the cup over to him. Recently, this had happened most mornings. Jane suspected it was due to the lack of sleep. She did not mind, she was less fussy about her tea and his surprise at it happening every morning was still funny.

"And no" she continued in answer to his question, "Anne wanted to come over and have afternoon tea with Diana and ask of her honeymoon and her new house, but I am not sure if she will come or not".

"You sound as if you will not mind if she does not" Edward said, glancing at her over the brim of his teacup.

"It is not that. I have not seen Anne for quite some time, it would be very nice to hear the updates on her life. Yesterday I am sure she was somewhat confined in what she could say with the large group present. It is only that Mary is always very uncomfortable around conversations that include husbands and households, which is unfortunately what most women talk about"

"Do you think it insensitive of Diana and Anne?"

"No, I don't. It is not their faults. They are newly married women, it is what they are taught to value and thus talk about. I think in truth it is comforting to them to have a person to confide common purposes in, and lessons you have learned as a new wife".

"And you do not? You talk of 'them' not 'us'"

Jane smiled at him, "I am very lucky. I did not feel as disoriented as they did in becoming a wife. I just felt more complete, like it was a completely natural step".

He leaned across the table and kissed her cheek swiftly before sitting back down and looking at her curiously.

"What is it?" Jane smiled

"I only wonder if it makes you feel isolated when you are with them, not being able to talk about such things in the same way?"

"I do not like talking about my relationship with you to others in any capacity. It is not because I do not trust them, but I think it is private"

"It is more than that though" Edward said, knowingly.

"Well, our marriage is very different from theirs. Perhaps even foreign".

"Do you think that bothers them?"

"Possibly. But I think it far more likely that they find our relationship somewhat amusingly because it is different, but they know and respect my wish to keep things private. It certainly does not cause them to be reserved around me".

"Of course not, who could be reserved around you? I told you a long time ago that you would have to learn in your life people will open to you whether or not you wished it, because you have a sort of reassuring and opened presence without even trying that draws people out. I was not wrong, you see".

"You flatter me" Jane scolded, "Tell me something else- anything else".

"Mmm" Edward said knowingly, aware of his wife's dislike for his flattery, even when it was honest. He lay down his fork. "Eshton and Franklin carry on similarly sometimes in a way that I cannot relate to".

"But that is not like you" Jane said, "Unable to relate to what someone is saying. What do they talk of?"

"Defects in their wives" he said, "I refuse to talk about you with them. They do not need to know what we share together. What you tell me is always in confidence, and none of their concern. Sometimes I feel like saying something warming to them, but then I am reminded their wives are probably doing the same, that it may help to do so when they do not have the kind of trust we have in our relationship".

"Well, you are right in thinking they talk of their husbands. I think that most women are closer to their female friends than their husbands, in truth. I think both Diana and Anne share things with me they would not necessarily share with their husbands, and I do not share things with them that I do share with you".

"I must say, Jane, it is not the worst confession in the world for a husband to hear that his wife confides in him above all others".

Jane looked at him, her face falling.

"What is it?" Edward asked, taking her hand that was stretched across the table. His thumb caressed her hand encouragingly.

"Tell me, am I a very bad person for wishing Mary would leave soon with Diana?"

"No" he replied assuredly, "You only wish it because you know as well as I that staying here offers Diana and Mary a distraction from being fully honest with each other. Your wishes are not malicious, in fact, I know they intend only to help".

"How can I know that? How can I be sure it is not only because I am selfish, that I want to spend my time with you and Henry, and forget this difficult situation all together?"

Edward smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Because such is not in your nature. You delight in helping others, and it is a gift as natural to you as my temper is to me".

Jane looked at him as he brought her hand to his lips.

"Do not worry about Mary. At the risk of sounding too harsh, she must get used to judgement in order to function in society again. Her situation is unique, and there is no one more sympathetic to it than the women she is with at present. She has strength enough for this with you supporting her".

Jane interlocked her fingers with his reassuringly but he shook his head at her thankful look.

"No. I deserve no praise, and nothing is more telling of your feelings than your eyes. I know this to be true because if I could find the strength to wake up every day after hurting and losing you, I know anyone is capable finding it".

At that moment there were footsteps in the hallway and Mary came around the corner, looking surprised to see Jane and her husband in the dining room.

"Oh, hello" she said, "I'm sorry, I did not think anyone would be here this early".

"Not at all, come in" Jane said indicating the seat besides herself.

"Oh, no thank you. At least not right now. I am heading into town"

"Indeed?" Jane asked, "To do what?"

"Well, Father Andrew spoke to me yesterday about giving out charity baskets to the poor today. It seemed like a daunting and difficult task to do alone, so when I offered my assistance he happily accepted. He said he would start early, and it is now eight o'clock so I thought I should begin the walk".

"Surely not" Edward said wiping his mouth with his napkin and standing. "I will take you in the coach. A pregnant women should not travel alone, and the walk may be difficult".

She smiled at him, "Alright then, I shall be ready in a few minutes, I am just going to put my bonnet on".

She exited the room happily, her footsteps far lighter in the hall than they had been a minute before. Edward turned to look at Jane and shook his head, grinning.

"Good God, first all these new friends and their families and now I will potentially have a vicar for a brother in law. What has my life become?"

He bent down to kiss his wife.

"I love you. I will not be gone long".

"Alright" she said slowly, tugging him gently to her, "Tell me again"

He smiled at her, telling her lowly again that he loved her before kissing her lips again.

"And goodbye to you" he said, kissing the top of his sons head sweetly, "Be good for your mother, she is very tired because of you".

And then he was gone.

. . . . . .

True to his word, he was not gone long at all. There was news from John that he had already arrived back just as Diana had arrived downstairs with her husband for breakfast, but he did not appear straight away. Jane sat with Diana and Captain Franklin, even though she had already eaten, rocking Henry in her arms. As they ate and talked, she wondered to herself whether the conversation would be different if she was not there, but it continued in pleasant and happy generalities all the same.

"It is strange that Mary is not down yet" Diana said, "Should I go and check on her".

"She has been down actually" Jane said, grinning, "She is gone with Edward into town"

"To do what?"

"To help Father Andrew pass out charity baskets".

Captain Franklin sighed dramatically, shaking his head.

"I do not know why you look so happy, Jane. Nor you Diana. No good can come from encouraging this match I assure you"

"Why is that?" Diana asked.

"Dearest, look at the situation we are in. As it were, it would be near impossible to find a man who would marry her in the condition she is in, let alone a man in the public eye who is meant to uphold the moral standard for the town. I'm not saying that it is right!" he added quickly, catching Diana's look, "But it is the truth".

Jane hated how much of the truth was in his words.

"Mr Rochester married Jane and she was only a servant to him!"

"Yes, but that was different" he said, looking to Jane, "Rochester had nothing to prove to anyone and nor did Jane. If Father Andrew is to make it here, he has much of his virtue to prove to many people".

"What do you say, Jane?" Diana asked sadly.

Jane rocked Henry a little slower in her arms, for his little eyes were closing and he was falling asleep.

"I do not know. I do not know what he feels. I know he is certainly acting like a man who is interested, but as you say Captain, it is a unique situation and he has much to prove to the people here. My only ray of hope is in understanding him not to be a conventional man. He took Lady Denver here for his first guest, and it was a strange choice for a young man to say the least. Perhaps convention does not matter to him so much and then we would have a right to hope for him and Mary. But at any rate, I think it is a good friendship even if it is to come to nothing more than that. Clearly she feels comfortable with him, and he does not make her feel ashamed. If others see this from their priest, I am sure they would be more willing to adopt his attitude too".

"Agreed" Diana said, nodding her head, "You are too right Jane".

"It would be cruel to lead her on, to give her a false sense of hope. It is far kinder to let this go apparently unnoticed"

"That goes to show my darling how little you know of women" Diana said defiantly. Jane smiled.

"Ah, there you must be right. We must talk of something more universally shared. How is Mr Henry this morning?" the Captain asked, taking a genuine interest in the child in Jane's arms.

"He cried most of last night, I am afraid we got little sleep".

"If you do not mind me asking" the Captain began a little tentatively, "Why did you not get a nanny for him? I know that you did not come from a place where it was a possibility, but now you are in such a position I dare say. It would be sure to make your life far easier".

"To be sure. We discussed such at length when I was first pregnant. As you say, I grew up in a position where it was not possible to have a nanny, but as a servant I saw what having a nanny was like and, personally for me, it would mean too little contact with my child. Other women raise their children on their own, I saw no reason why my wealth should make the situation any different".

"And you do not regret it, on such nights as the previous one?"

Jane smiled, "Perhaps only a very little bit on such nights"

Captain Franklin laughed heartily as Edward stepped back into the room holding his hat under his arm.

"Morning" he said, "I am glad you are up and have eaten. The Eshton's are on their way over. I passed them on the road".

"Oh no, we shall miss them!" Diana said, "And for such an early morning visit, I am sure that they will be expecting to see us".

"I'm sorry dearest, but we said we would visit my aunt today"

"Indeed, but we have not written back to her since our plans took an unexpected detour with Mary. She cannot be expecting us today. I am sure she would not mind postponing a few days longer-".

"I think she would mind, though. Rochester you must give our apologies to them" Franklin said, nodding to him.

"Of course" Mr Rochester said "They will be sorry to miss you, I'm sure. Mr Eshton is coming over to discuss business with me but I believe Anne is just coming for some company. There will be other times for them to come on account of more social business".

Diana still looked slightly dejected as they got quickly into their carriage and began their trip to Captain Franklin's aunt's. Jane thought that he did not want to run into the Eshtons on the road and then be forced to make awkward small talk to account for the absurdly early hour of his visit to his aunts. Jane mulled the thoughts over as she feed Henry upstairs. She did not think there was anything cynical in it, only that he was stuck in his ways, and was anxious to make a good first impression of himself and his wife. If his family were to fully accept Diana, perhaps he was not entirely wrong in what he had expected of them and maintaining their plans.

. . . . .

Jane found Anne to be half-hearted and disinterested over their tea that morning. It was striking, for she was always the exact opposite, with her interest peaked and her attention focused. Jane watched her without listening too carefully to her story, for it lacked enthusiasm at any rate, until she stopped Anne mid sentence, smiling kindly.

"Anne, you are my friend, are you not?"

"Jane, what a strange thing to say" she said, looking confused, "You are the dearest and kindest friend I have ever known"

"Then I think I am entitled to your honesty. Is there anything wrong? You seem not quite yourself today".

Anne sighed, closing her eyes slowly.

"I suspect part of what makes you such an excellent friend if your ability to see past what I try to hide".

She shuffled in her chair, making herself more comfortable. Jane could see her allow herself to relax because there was nothing to hide anymore, and no guard to keep up.

"It is only that I have noticed since me and my husband returned from town that he seems less happy. Not here, not with you all together, but alone with me at home. I am very on edge, consciously watching every action he does to see his response".

"What makes you say such?"

"I know my husband. I know how unhappy he is with nothing to do. It only saddens me that I am not enough to lift his spirits. You told me before Jane that I will always upset myself if I try to make a person out to be more or less than what they are, and that the true way to happiness is to see everyone for who they are- well, I am trying with my husband. I know he is a man of science, and a man of movement and action. He is not happy at home with nothing to stimulate his mind. I only wish, in between him working, I could offer some help to this, but I find I cannot".

"As you say Anne, he is a man of science and work and stimulation, I know to a degree it is why you married him- you admired his mind. Mr Eshton married relatively late in life for a bachelor, in his mid thirties. He has lived a lifetime of only needing to occupying himself, and to keep himself busy. I do not think it is because you are not enough that he does not turn to you for stimulation, I think it more likely that it does not even cross his mind that another human being could provide it for him. You have been married to Mr Eshton only a month more than Edward and I, which in the grand scheme of things is not long at all. Give him time to continue adjusting to his new way of life not as a bachelor, and continue to confide in him, with that you cannot go astray".

"All the advice you have given me so far is right" Anne said, smiling kindly, "So I shall adhere to it again".

Jane only took her hand and held it fast.

"Marriage is hard. Two unique souls living as one is a difficult thing to accomplish. No one tells you it is going to be as difficult as it is".

Anne laughed, "Too right Jane. Too right. Goodness, Mr Eshton can be a handful".

"I will tell you a story of Edward" Jane said grinning, "He is occasionally such too. The other day I was rather frustrated and rather tired. I felt stuffy and confined and just wished to leave the house for a little while. Edward said he would take Henry and I could take a walk into town. I only intended to get flowers, and it was not to be too long-"

"How did you buy them?" Anne asked, looking curious, "The shopkeeper there holds no credit".

Jane felt very confused, there was only one way to buy flowers.

"The usual way" she replied, but Anne still looked puzzled. "I took Edwards coin pouch and used the coin in there".

Anne looked absolutely dumbfounded.

"What is it?" Jane asked insecurely, wishing most desperately to divert Anne's curious eyes.

Her face broke into a wide grin and she sat back, looking amused.

"I have never seen Mr Eshton's coin pouch, nor billfold".

"Oh" Jane said quickly, unsure how to proceed further. She had not thought of it, not ever. Was it odd to have access to a husbands money? But of course it was- of course it was not ordinary. She had never heard of it before, now that she thought of it. She had never seen a woman carrying money, it was always put down in the credit of her husbands name.

"Jane you must receive some curious looks from people when you are shopping"

"I do, in fact..." Jane continued slowly, "I never noticed why. I always carried my own money, and I was never given a second glance for it"

"Of course as a poor governess!" Anne said, "No married woman is ever seen with money"

"Why? It is wrong? Or improper?"

"No!" Anne answered quickly, "...Just never seen".

As she continued to muse happily Jane felt her cheeks burn scarlet.

"Oh dear Jane, do not look so. It is only amusing, not wrong. I should not be surprised, there is nothing conventional about your marriage to your husband, I ought to have learned that by now".

When Jane did not respond, still caught up in her own thoughts, Anne took her arm.

"Have I offended you Jane?"

"Not at all" was her honest response, "I just never think of it as his money or mine. When we married, the money my uncle left me was obviously put into his accounts for safe keeping. I did not keep track of it, for we share everything as man and wife, why would I ever consider it again?"

"Our money is still very separate" Anne said, "Though I have no claim on it and know nothing of it. Mr Eshton guards my estate money but keeps it separate from his own. After marrying me it is his, after all. I would not know what it looked like if he did show it to me".

"What if you need it for something?"

She laughed, "Such as what?"

"Flowers" Jane said joking with her friend, but still she was curious as to the response.

Anne smiled at her, "They are simply brought to the house. I never choose them myself".

. . . . . . . . . . .

"Thank you Edward for making me a spectacle for months without tell me" Jane said, standing before him in his study.

He had just finished putting Henry down for his nap and had retreated to his office where he knew Jane would be waiting for him, out of habit and desire to spend a few minutes alone with him. He looked puzzled at her words,

"Your words require an explanation" he said, sitting before her.

"Edward! You have given me your coin purse to go into town"

"Yes...and?"

"And! That is why I have been the receiver of so many strange looks and glances. No woman has access to her husbands money, they all use their husbands credit if they are to shop at all"

He still looked thoroughly confused.

"Do you wish me to send the servants on errands for you? Is that what you are telling me?"

She shook her head,

"Or you wish to use credit? Why should we do that if we have money?"

"That is just it. 'If _we_ have money'. It is not _our_ money, it is yours. As my husband you have full control over my finances"

He stood, leaning against his desk easily, his hand on his hip.

"Perhaps lawfully...but not in practice, not if you wanted something. You know very well that our finances are shared as our lives are shared. Have you felt like I have been keeping money from you?"

"No! I have not, that is the problem. By giving me money you have made me a spectacle. I can buy whatever I like".

He looked up at the ceiling and then back down at his wife.

"Darling, you have yet to clear my confusion. What is it that you want from me?"

"Simply to know that I am breaking social custom of which I am totally unaware before I do so"

He smiled in understanding, chuckling as he pushed off the desk and sat back down, drawing his wife to him.

"So" he began, "You wish me withhold all money from you so that you may fit into the majority of women in society while simultaneously not doing such because you would never allow for it in our equal and transparent marriage"

"Exactly" Jane said, nodding to him.

"Good god, you are exhausting" he mused, kissing her temple. Jane did not draw back from his embrace, she cuddled into his large warm frame and tucked her feet into the corner of the chair.

"Does this have anything to do with Anne?" he asked suspiciously.

"Yes! She said she has never seen her husbands finances after laughing at me for going to buy flowers with your coin purse"

"Mm" he said, "I know such is generally the case".

"Why did you choose to not do such with me, then?" Jane asked, lifting her head to meet his eyes. "I would have known you were not keeping money from me, even if you did not give me your coin purse or bill fold".

He shrugged, "I never much thought of it. I thought only of insuring you felt that our lives were shared, in all aspects. I feel guilty enough that lawfully you can have no claim on your own money. Especially as you know that much of the money your uncle left you is still somewhere in all of our finances- apart from what ridiculous sum you spent on the carriage rides to reach me as quickly as possible in returning to me after a years separation. It was very bad financing, Ms Rochester".

"I do not think you could call that bad financing, Mr Rochester, given the result".

Jane rested her head once again on his shoulder, thinking. He kissed the top of her head.

"I think people must believe I have you wrapped around my little finger, with access to your money and carriage and attention at any time-"

"They think correctly then" he said, "I have absolutely no power in resisting you".

Jane shifted herself so that she was straddling him in the chair.

"Impossible. Not the way you leave me rendered helpless so often".

"Is that so?" he said, drawing her in for a deep kiss. She felt her core pounding in the instant their lips touched. Her body craved his passionate kiss faster than he could give it, skillfull as he was.

"Mmm" she replied late and thoughtlessly, not able to muster much more of a response.

"Come" he said, pulling her up and taking her by the hand, "There is not a moment to be wasted".

Off to their bedroom he went, his fingers interlocked with hers.


	116. Chapter 116

As the door was closed behind them, Jane was instantly pressed against it, her mouth furiously covered by her husbands. He lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Her hands became quickly tangled in his mess of dark curls as he reached his hand up her skirt. Jane was light and her husband strong, so he was able to balance her weight around him with only one arm while the other searched her intentionally, passionately, and skilfully. He grazed her womanhood so that she gasped slightly into the kiss and then began tracing her with more intention- with more pressure and with more need. Jane could no longer kiss him, she needed her mouth for the sharp inhales of breath necessary to steady her racing heart. She tried to push the hair out of her face that had fallen from its bun, but it was pointless and she gave up the effort. She felt her husbands fingers move inside her and she groaned in his ear, grasping her hands around his neck for support. She felt his smile on her skin and then his lips brush her neck. It was part of the little he could reach of her that was not obstructed by clothing. Then another finger entered her and she moaned even louder before her breath caught characteristically in her throat. She felt the tightness in her stomach expand and move to her womanhood, causing her to buck her hips involuntary into his hand so that his fingers were pushed deeper inside of her.

He withdrew his fingers, taking to kissing her instead, lowering her away from the door. She felt lightheaded when placed on the ground, but was soon lying with her back on her bed, looking up at her husband.

"Here my darling" he said softly, turning her over so that he could undo the back of her dress. She lay on her stomach, chin resting on her hands, perfectly at ease as he worked. When she felt the dress was completely loosened she was turned over again and the dress was peeled easily away, leaving her naked before him. He stopped to look at her, and even now the sight of him doing so made her blush. He often commented that seeing her wearing only a blush on her cheek and his ring on her hand was the best sight in the world, but she did not continue to blush deeply for that reason- only because she knew herself to be no natural beauty, yet she had found someone who truly thought of her as such.

She reached her hand up, and as if he instinctively knew what she wanted, he bent his face to hers so she could touch his cheek. He turned his lips to the hand cupping his cheek and bent down to kiss her lips long and slowly. She tugged at the waistband on his pants before he quickly shed them and mounted himself before her, driving himself deeply into her. She gasped heavily, pressing her hand to her husbands chest. He groaned, taking hold on her arm and steadying it.

There were three deafening raps on the door.

"ROCHESTER, ARE YOU IN THERE?"

Jane almost jumped out of her skin at the sound. Edward's hands were instantly on her mouth, silencing her. He threw a nearby blanket over her instinctively to cover her, even though there was no chance of Captain Franklin stepping into the room

'ROCHESTER?"

"YES" he called back, not able to hide his anger very convincingly. Jane breathed heavily beneath him while remaining as quiet as humanly possible, trying to catch her breath. She did not remove her hand from his chest as he pulled out of her.

"I'm sorry" Edward mouthed at Jane, kissing the arm that pressed a hand to him. She caressed his cheek with her thumb.

"ROCHESTER YOU MUST COME DOWNSTAIRS INSTANTLY. LADY DENVER IS HERE WITH AN EMERGENCY BUT SHE WILL ONLY TALK WITH YOU ABOUT IT".

"Dammit" Edward grumbled, his face red with fury.

"TELL HER I WILL BE DOWN IN A MOMENT FRANKLIN. I NEEDED TO CHANGE MY CLOTHES, HENRY HAD AN ACCIDENT"

Jane looked up at him sceptically, grinning.

"She is angry man, hurry!"

Edward pushed away from the bed, "I'M COMING, I'M COMING" he called, picking up his discarded clothing on the floor. Captain Franklin's footsteps could be heard marching back down the hall.

Jane watched Edward from the bed, her arm thrown easily over her head.

As Edward finished dressing again he walked back to Jane,

"Do not move. Do not move from this bed"

"I must" Jane contested, "I have to go downstairs and see what all the commotion is"

"No, no" he said pushing her back onto the bed, "Stay here, I want to imagine you laying here, just like this"

"You will imagine no such thing when dealing with Lady Denver, get downstairs"

"Stay here".

"Go".

He looked at her, his face crooked into a disapproving smile before he bent down to kiss her one last time.

"ROCHESTER" Franklin called distantly, moving quickly back up the hallway.

"DAMMIT I'M COMING" he called, "Jane cover up while I open the door, for the love of God".

He stormed from the room, shutting the door quickly behind him. Jane laughed to herself, throwing her glowing pink face against the pillow.

. . . . . .

When Jane descended some fifteen minutes later dressed with her hair fixed (for her face and chest were far too pink to not betray her situation) she found her husband and Captain Franklin in the hallway with a flustered and agitated Lady Denver. The Captain looked frustrated, but Mr Rochester looked composed and calm in the face of her wrath.

"That is not an option" she was saying definitely, "The nearest place is miles off, it will take days to construct it"

"Lady Denver, there is nothing more we can do" Edward said firmly, "All I can do is offer you my carriage today and send a servant for the wheel replacement tomorrow"

"I do have servants, Mr Rochester, capable of the task themselves"

"Not with the knowledge of the fastest routes, I'm afraid. But if you choose to refuse my help and wish the trip to take far longer, of course you can send your own servants. It makes no difference to me".

Lady Denver caught sight of Jane on the steps and sighed,

"And here is Ms Rochester at last, come to see about my situation"

"With all due respect Lady Denver, I do have an infant child to attend to. I am sure you were capable in these gentleman's hands".

This of course was a lie, but Lady Denver certainly did not need to be enlightened on the situation. Jane thought she caught a flicker in her husbands eye before he turned away from her and back towards Lady Denver.

"What is it you would have us do?" Franklin mused, looking less than willing to oblige in her request.

"Tea!" Diana called coming out of the sitting room, "Lady Denver, Leah has just brought a tray in for us. Perhaps you would like to join me and Ms Rochester while this matter is sorted out".

Lady Denver's searching eye fell on Diana and stared at her,

"My goodness, what poor timing you have. How is this situation to be solved if I am not there to see to it?"

"Well, it appears since you have come to our house for help, Lady Denver, you could not sort out the problem on your own" Jane said, eyeing her with equal confidence. She felt Franklin's, Diana's and her husbands eyes on her.

"Because I am an old woman, not because I am incapable" she barked, as if Jane had accused her of being such.

"If such is true then you deserve for the gentlemen to attend to it. Join us for tea, I am sure you have shared all you can with Mr Rochester and Captain Franklin. They will sort it out between them".

But she would have absolutely no part of it. She wished to stay and command Mr Rochester and Captain Franklin, managing all of what they did to try and assist her. Jane finally learned over obtaining small bits of information that her carriage had lost a wheel and that it had cracked in the effort to retrieve the carriage from the mud. She was quite frantic about the situation, so much so that Jane sent one of their younger servants on horseback to send a message to her butler explaining what had happened. Sure enough, half an hour later a different carriage of hers came down the drive.

"That will be George" she said firmly, clacking her walking stick onto the ground. "I knew he would come. I knew he would find me out and fix this mess".

Jane was not sure how she thought he would appear without her sending notice but that did not matter, soon she would be on her way. Captain Franklin looked enraged that she had not acknowledged his and Mr Rochester's efforts to try and fix her "mess".

Mr Rochester, as head of the house, walked her out to her carriage. The afternoon was at its very latest, the sun its warmest and brightest before in a few short minutes it would surely start its descent. The greenery of the garden and drive warmed Jane's heart, and she momentarily forgot all that was happening around her. She could not help but be moved by its beauty.

Lady Denver walked over to her butler, telling an animated story of what had happened, and pointing occasionally to Mr Rochester and Captain Franklin.

"He was helpful at least" she said indicating Edward without looking at him, "If he possessed no powers in calming my exhilarated nerves, he at least made me feel as if all could be righted. The other gentlemen was of no help at all, did not seem to understand the horrible place I found myself in at all".

Jane was not sure that she really meant to be all that discrete, but Captain Franklin turned on his heels without another word and strode back into the house. Diana looked at him, considering, and then followed placed his hand on Jane's shoulder, waiting for Lady Denver to get into the carriage and drive away, but she did not. She closed the door of the carriage and walked back up the houses steps.

"Where is the tea?" she said matter-of-factly, both hands resting on top of her cane. Jane and Edward were both dumbfounded, unable to speak momentarily. "I am guessing it is indoors, perhaps in the sitting room" she mused, sweeping inside.

Jane looked to her husband, and he looked to her.

"Unbelievable" he muttered, "Jane I cannot sit through tea with her".

He said it with much animated pain that Jane believed him.

"I know" she assured, "I shall take it on. You've already done much in dealing with her. Hopefully it is short".

"I thought you had solved the problem when you sent for her carriage, I cannot bare thinking of you sitting in tea with her. We can say something, make up something so that she leaves".

Jane shook her head, "I intend to draw her out. No human is that contrary for no reason. If it is not to be enjoyable for me I shall at least make it a case study of character. I am sure I will have much to analyse".

He kissed her cheek quickly, "You are an angel Jane, you have just proven it. I shall never hear you denounce it again".

"We will see if such can still be said when we are through".

. . . . .

As Jane suspected, it was only herself and Lady Denver who attended tea. She sat still clutching her walking stick, her hands set firmly on top of it. Her presence was still intimidating and commanding, even in a private and informal setting such as this. It was as if she never let her austere and rock solid guard down. As Jane served tea, Lady Denver spoke plainly.

"Is it only to be you and I?'

"I believe so, yes."

"Why is it? Is it because of the way I acted over my carriage?"

Jane stopped pouring the tea to look up at her companion.

"Lady Denver, I cannot make out if you wish me to be honest and fair, or polite and my honesty obstructed by custom".

She raised her eyebrow.

"The fact that you know the difference tells me much of you, Ms Rochester"

"You may call me Jane, if you like"

"Jane then. But you may not call me anything else but Lady Denver. I have been such my whole married life, and do not intend on changing it now".

"Very well" was the simple reply.

"So tell me, why is it just us two?"

"You did not answer my question" Jane said, "So I still find myself unable to reply".

Lady Denver pursed her lips,

"At my age, Jane, you will learn that little matters in this world but honesty. No doubt you will come to realise too that you live a life of dishonesty, and when you are old and grey and nearing your end, you crave the opposite".

"Then I shall speak truth. You were unkind to my husband and my cousin's husband in spite of them doing more for you and your situation then most would. You dismissed Diana when she initially offered tea in the hopes of making you comfortable while you waited".

"That was for mere customs sake" she argued dismissively.

"You are wrong again, and are too cynical of the people here. She offered to help, not for any other reason".

"Be that as it may. I was not unkind to either your husband or Mr Franklin. I said your husband was of use to me, and I spoke plainly that Mr Franklin did little to help me which is all the truth".

"Do you not think it is the gesture that matters when trying to help someone, not necessarily the outcome?".

"No" she said abruptly, "When someone is in need of assistance it is your job to help, not to _try_ and help. Why do you look at me in such a way?"

"We are at odds in our beliefs, that is all"

"And you do not try to dissuade me from them?"

"Why should I do that?" Jane asked, "You have a right to your beliefs, and it would be wrong of me to try and change them".

Lady Denver looked surprised, but rallied herself quickly.

"Does your husband reprimand such honesty in you? Or does he allow it? No man can be that forgiving of his wife expressing herself so openly, surely"

"He 'allows' me nothing, if you will excuse me. To allow me to do something would be to control me in some way, and he does not wish to control me. But yes, he does ask honesty of me as I ask it of him".

"Your present sentiments of equality are warming to be sure, but unrealistic for the long term. A marriage needs a certain amount of deception, Jane. It needs detachment at times between the two individuals. One cannot live forever with a person completely honestly- all decency and goodness would surely crumble. But I can see you will contest me again"

Jane played with her hands, "It simply has not been my experience".

"I hope such remains to be true then, for yours is the first account I have heard that contests my claims"

Although she was blunt, Jane sensed truth in her sentiment. Had she really 'hoped' something, rather than discounted or disregarded it. Jane was not quick to fill the silence between them, for she felt that there was much in the conscious of Lady Denver that would come out if she was left to speak her mind, and Jane was curious as to what she thought.

"When I married my husband-" she said, for the first time not able to look Jane plainly in the face, "we were as much in love as any old love story in any old book. I was told growing up to throw away my notions of love, for they would never hold in the real world, and I did. I did not expect love in my marriage, for my family was excessively wealthy, and the chances of me marrying for love within our circle of wealthy acquaintances because painfully evident to me. When I was sixteen, and just preparing to be brought to London for my first season in court, a man moved into town. He was very young, only one and twenty, but his family had died in some fire he had been absent from, and so he had much free time to himself with little obligation. I do not know why he came to London, but he did, and I meet him one day at a party. We were married a month later".

She stopped her story, not looking for any sort of response from Jane. It was more for the sake of gathering her own thoughts.

"I was sure our marriage would be different from all others I had seen, but very quickly I realised that love stories are just that- stories. Those loves survive because they do not dwell inside reality, and what reality demands".

"So what happened?" Jane asked, "What became of your love story?"

"It faded" she responded, looking far away from the place she sat. "By the end of the first year of marriage we hardly ever spoke to each other. Between his work, and my duties as wife, we never saw each other. There were sometimes days that stretched into weeks where we would not talk".

She turned her head,

"You look at me curiously, Ms Rochester. I will guess at your question. You will ask me what changed between us, and I would reply nothing. Nothing changed. Nothing very dramatic happened. It did not happen overnight, rather every action seemed to push us naturally further and further apart. Our fairy tale love fell to the wayside in exchange for comfort and stability, and I learned to be very content with that".

Jane nodded to her, but she did not speak.

"Have I rendered you speechless?" Lady Denver asked, the usual bluntness returning to her voice in full power, "If so, you are not so acute as I thought".

"No, not at all. But I am not sure if it is my place to voice any sort of opinion. What you tell me is your truth, and since I did not know your husband at all, and I know you very little, it would be wrong of me to interject".

"I would like you to" she said, clicking her walking stick on the ground impatiently, "I did not tell you to have you gawk at me. Say anything of it, I would love to hear your opinion".

Jane considered before answering, for some people ask for the exact things they do not necessarily want to hear, but after weighing the likelihood, Jane felt that Lady Denver valued genuineness over falsity of any kind.

"I have a question more than an opinion" Jane prefaced, "Why did you not fight for your marriage? Why did you allow things to settle as they did without trying to change them?"

"Ms Rochester" Lady Denver began, not phased by the question, "Has your husband ever done something you did not like?"

"Of course" Jane replied,

"How often?"

"Often enough"

"And do you feel compelled to correct him every time?"

"No" Jane stated

"And why is that?"

"Because, it should become a matter of nagging, I am sure. And I do not wish to do that to him"

"Exactly" she responded point idly. "My husband began to do things that upset me, but I knew full well that making him aware of them each time they happened would be a fatal mistake. If love was to fade, which it inevitably does to perhaps varying degrees, but still to everyone- I wanted it to be considerate and at least comfortable between us".

Jane nodded, "That makes very good sense"

"Yes, I thought so. Do you believe me now?"

"I believed you all along"

She pursed her lips again, looking frightful.

"Your answers are infuriating. They are neutral, and unimposing. I believe a conversation is meant to pass between two people, not come from one person and remarked upon by the other".

"And yet, I sense from you that you like to talk, that it has been a long time since you have been able to do so. I am not a natural conversationalist, Lady Denver. Often I find myself far happier to sit and listen than to talk of myself. My neutrality, as you call it, comes from me wishing to hear you as plainly and honestly as possible".

She stood quickly, looking straight ahead without addressing Jane. She was positive that she had offended her- overstepped a line of honesty she had no right to cross. She felt a pit in her stomach and rose from the couch in over to correct her mistake. But before she could speak, Lady Denver looked at her.

"You look guilty, like you feel you should apologise. Do no such thing. Would you come to my house one day next week for tea? I shall return this favour, and hope to hear more of yourself. If you are naturally shy of conversation as you say, I would suggest thinking of some things to say. I intend to hear you talk more".

"I should be very happy to, thank you".

"Until then" she confirmed, taking leave of Jane swiftly.

. . . . .

Dinner was spent at large discussing the events of the afternoon. Captain Franklin was still quite angry over the way Lady Denver had treated him, and he and Diana were both quick to dismiss her behaviour as simply rude. They praised Jane for being so good as to have tea with her so they did not have to, making her feel guilty.

She loved her cousin and the Captain very much, but she always thought they shared the quality of being too quick to judge other people, and once an impression was formed upon them, it was very difficult to change it. She was not sure it was the right time to try and discuss the complexity of her character when they were both still upset, so she did not directly contest them.

The other half of the table, Mary and Edward, discussed Mary's afternoon with Father Andrew handing out the poverty baskets. She had returned home happy and refreshed, a wonderful result in opposition to what Jane was concerned would happen. Going around with Father Andrew to the upper classes would have subjected her to far harsher critiques and judgements, but Jane knew that the poor had little need or wish to judge her, so she had returned feeling better than when she left in the morning. Edward listened to her generously and with much patience, for her talked constantly without giving him room to interject and did not stop until all retreated for bed some time later.

Up in their bedroom, after putting Henry to sleep, Jane and Mr Rochester sat by the fire, discussing their days in more detail than at the dinner table. Jane told him of her tea with Lady Denver, and how she had been invited for tea the next week at her house. Edward seemed surprised Jane had accepted the invitation.

"Jane, I hope you do not do this out of pity. You said you sensed she was a lonely woman- I do not wish you to feel compelled to do this out of goodness if it will only make you miserable".

But Jane shook her head, "I cannot describe it, Edward. But I do not think the person she shows to the world is who she is- I just do not see how that can be possible. I think she is full of life and experience and has no one to share it with. How lonely such a thing must be. You of all people should be able to relate to that".

"I can" he said, rising to change for bed, "And I also know what a gift your presence is. I am starting to become quite jealous of anyone who receives your attention. Between Henry, our house guests, and those who simply come over with charity baskets and broken carriage wheels, my time with you is drastically reduced".

He turned to smile at her in a good-natured way, but Jane did not find his words amusing. Being already changed, she got into bed and covered herself up in the blankets without replying to him. Edward's face fell as he watched, and he paused his task to study her. He sighed, pulled his nightshirt over his head, and climbed from the bottom of the bed up to where Jane was.

"Hey" he said softly, touching her face with such tenderness that it made her heart swell painfully. Jane felt her eyes burn, and suddenly they were brimming with unexpected tears.

"What is it, my love?"

Jane grabbed the arm of the hand that was wiping away her tears. She knelt up and wrapped her arms around her husbands neck, holding him close to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her shoulder.

"I do not want to stop being enough for you" she said, softly.

Edward drew back, looking searchingly into her face.

"Not be enough for me? You not be enough? Jane, how could you think that?"

"I do not think it, it is just all around me. I see unhappy couples, and people insist on telling me I will eventually become unhappy and complaisant in my marriage too. I know that I never will because I love you far too dearly and with too much of my soul for that to ever be the case, but when you just said that I have drastically reduced our time together, it made me fear the one thing that I think about all of the time. You give me everything, and I never want you to feel like I am not enough for you".

"Not enough" he repeated softly, "Jane Rochester, you are everything to me. You have given me everything- a son, a family, a home. How could you not be enough when you are the very air that I breathe?"

He ran his finger and thumb along her jaw before drawing her lips to his. He guided her back gently onto the pillows, kissing her deeply. She moaned into him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He drew back and looked down at her, playing with a curl that lay across her forehead. She ran her hand down his strong, muscular arm that supported his weight above her.

"I'm sorry" she apologised softly, shaking her head "I am-"

But he only silenced her with a kiss as his hands worked to slowly remove her nightgown. The night was a freezing one, and so he moved instantly to wrap a blanket around her as his warm mouth closed around her breast. She gasped slightly, gripping his hair in her hand as he sucked her nipple in radiating waves of different pleasure. She gripped the blanket in her fist and gasped into the air as he moved to her other breast.

Jane reached down and tugged on the edge of Edward's nightshirt, indicating that she would help him remove it, but in an instant he had it off over his head and thrown on the floor beside them, returning intently to his task.

Jane felt her racing heart beat out of her chest as he drew his mouth away from her, leaving the building pressure in her stomach to pulse painfully- reminding her she was not finished with him. But he was not finished with her. He kissed all the way down her stomach until he reached the place she most craved him. He knelt before her, separating her legs gently, and in an instant had his mouth on her. He ran his tongue through her, teasingly. His skilful mouth knew exactly what to do, but his teasing mind and radiating heart wished to prolong her. Every time he would come close to her sensitive core that burned for him like fire, he pulled back, kissed the inside of her leg, and returned to his agonising routine. Jane put her arm up to her mouth, trying to centre her breathing and her dizzying mind from collapsing on her too soon. Edward drew his face back to look at his wife. Her chest was a bright red, her hair stuck to her forehead, her breathing was heavy and laboured, and her stomach rose and fell with sharp breaths. He smiled at her before closing his mouth around the spot that had craved him from the moment he touched her.

"Agh" Jane cried, quickly covering her mouth. Edward, who always listened keenly for her, reached up and took her hands away from her face. The pause in his act made Jane protest- she tipped her head back and felt her racing heart beating against her ribs, breathing heavily.

"Edward" she breathed

"Hm?" he asked, kissing her lips briefly, "What do you want, love?"

Jane moved beneath him so that he was positioned before her, but he shook his head smiling.

"No, not yet"

He reached down and replaced the work of his mouth with his hand. Jane felt her chest rise and fall rapidly as his fingers searched her, stroking the spot which drove her to absolute oblivion in seconds. She curled up into him, wrapping one arm around his shoulder to pull him closer. He kissed her cheek, then her jaw. The feel of his lips melted her like wax.

"Stop fighting it" he said softly, "I want to watch you".

With two more motions of his hand and a kiss on the forehead, Jane felt an immense rush of pleasure cover her whole body in its warmth. This lovemaking was low and slow, but the lightening that ran through her veins was overwhelming. She fell back onto the bed, one leg wrapped around her husbands waist so that she felt him near but she was not in command, or aware of where her other limbs lay.

"There's my Jane" he said, stilling her breathing with a deep kiss.

He ran his finger across her burning cheek and brushed her hair out of her face. Jane felt simultaneously heavy as lead and light as air.

She closed her eyes, taking her husbands hand in hers and brushing her lips across it lightly.

"I love you, so much" she said, laying his hand on her heart.

"I love you" he said, caressing her with his thumb, "I love you so much".

He knelt before her, and she spread her legs instinctively for him. He kissed her stomach and in between her breasts reassuringly before pushing himself deeply inside of her.

He groaned deeply and Jane felt a smile spread across her face. Hearing him in such a vulnerable and raw way moved her heart in a way words could not pronounce. She rocked with him, the pace quickening and deepening with every thrust. She threw her head back, unable to watch him anymore as she felt the familiar sensation of helplessness pull her away from reality. With one final movement she was completely undone, followed by her husband moments later.


	117. Chapter 117

**Thank you all for your great, great kindness to me. Honestly, receiving reviews from you guys is the highlight of my week. They encourage me so much to write more, and to write to the best of my ability, so thank you.**

 **I hope you are all well, and feeling good, and that life is being kind to you.**

 **There are exciting things coming soon for our beloved characters...( ;) )**

 **xoxoxox**

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jane lay in her husbands arms for a long time after, listening to the sound of his beating heart with no desire to move from his embrace. Edward's lips were resting against her forehead and his hand stroked the small of her back affectionately. Jane drew her hands up to his chest and had thrown her leg over his comfortably. He kissed her forehead as she shuddered involuntarily, so he reached down and pulled a blanket from the bottom of the bed up around Jane.

"You get so cold so quickly" he commented, "I miss your pregnant days when you are always warm, then we did not need all these blankets.

"Thank you, but excuse me" Jane said, looking up at him, "I have no clothes on, it is natural I would be cold. It is only you who is perpetually warm"

"I know" he said, grinning mischievously and lowering his head to kiss between her breasts.

Jane closed her eyes and sighed happily, moving her fingers through his hair. She pulled on his hair slightly so that he looked at her. "Do not dare try and distract me, Edward Rochester".

He chuckled deeply, closing his eyes.

"Make me".

She pulled out from under him, wrapping herself firmly in the blanket so that his chances of distracting her further were ended immediately. He sighed deeply, looking disapprovingly at his wife.

"Temptress" he said,"What makes you think I won't just unfold you from that blanket and distract you to my hearts content".

"You would not dare" she said knowingly, "You would not risk my disapproval".

"Wouldn't I?" he asked leaning in to kiss her, but she drew back shaking her head. He stopped, and she lightly brushed her lips against his teasingly.

"Not for a moment, Mr Rochester".

"Mmm" he grunted, bringing his mouth inches from hers, "Kiss me"

She opened her mouth to him and he engulfed her in passionate kisses. She felt lightheaded and had lost all sense of her surroundings before such feelings were dissolved instantly. He pulled away from her. She moaned her dissatisfaction.

"You see Ms Rochester, I have power over you too".

"I never doubted it for a moment".

Smiling at him, and receiving an apologetic kiss, she lay down and once again covered him once again in blankets as she relaxed into his arms.

Some time had passed before he spoke her name thoughtfully into the night air.

"Hm?"

"Did you mean what you said earlier? About feeling guilty about the amount of time we spend together as of late?"

Jane paused, thinking.

"I do not fear the time we spend apart taking care of our son. Though I would like to spend every moment caring for him with you, it is simply not realistic. We would both burn out from exhaustion. But that being said, when Henry is asleep, or contented, there is no other place in the world I would rather be than with you, in whatever way or whatever capacity. But now that our family has been here for several weeks, all of that vital and fleetingly rare free time is taken up with tending to our guests. Many nights I collapse into bed without even giving you so much as a kiss. I only wake several hours later to find you asleep beside me. In that way, I worry that I am neglecting you in the face of everyone else, and that I am doing so because I trust you would forgive me of my shortcomings as a wife".

Rochester looked to Jane with a mingled look of confusion, incomprehension and sympathy. He answered with such a resonant honesty that Jane was left in no doubt of his feelings.

"You confuse me, Jane, because I must admit that since having Henry I have only felt stronger love from you than ever before. I did not know that having a child together could bond us in the way it has, just like I did not knowing that loving someone to the unfathomable degree that I love you was possible. It is unfortunate that our free time is taken up with unfortunate family problems, but as you have reminded me many times before when I am complaining of my house being constantly taken up, it is the price of having family".

"I would not change it" Jane said, "I do not forget the days I did not have cousins, friends, or you".

"I know you wouldn't" he replied, kissing her forehead, "I know that you are just tired, because you have been busy being an exceptional mother".

Jane shook her head,

"Please do not tell me such. You say it often, and it does not make me feel like it is any more true"

"I will tell you such, for although you hate flattery, you delight in truth".

Jane lifted her head, propping it up on her hand.

"Can I be honest with you for a moment? So honest that you may mistake it for flattery?"

"Of course" he said, "For you know I am far less pure than you and delight in being praised".

"Usually the people who love hearing their own praise are those unworthy of true compliments to their character"

"Exactly, so proceed".

She shot him a warning look, but his innocent smile illuminated by the fire softened her feeble attempt at being stern.

"You are a better father then I ever imagined, even though I thought I had imagined the perfect father. You have managed to far surpass that. And as for a husband- I know that there is no better husband anywhere in this world. I do not care how long I would have to look, or how wide my searches stretched, I know I would never find a person who would not become a mere shadow in the light of your presence".

She paused, looking into his dark and feeling eyes.

"My god, how much I love you".

She sat up, letting the blankets fall from her shoulders. She reached her hand up and traced his face softly, taking in every line and every groove of it. She was positive she could do this in her sleep, for she had done it a hundred times before, but she never grew tired of surveying his face.

"What can you possibly see in me?" he whispered, looking to his wife for the answer he did not understand.

Jane ran her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes, opening then lazily only when her hands had left his mass of curls. A thin sheen of sweat from the nights lovemaking still covered his face, and the fire light illuminated the places where such traces remained most. Jane moved over him as he sat up and pressed her lips to his. She breathed into his dizzying mouth, feeling her mind dissolve into sheer feelings of love.

Jane wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him closer to her. The smile which played across his face caused a rush of warmth within her that had nothing to do with his experienced and overwhelming kisses. He groaned as his hands covered her smooth skin, resting in the small of her back and pushing her throbbing core closer to him. The masculine sound of his pleasure in her ear sent flutters through her body. She reached down, not breaking her kiss, and took him in her hand, guiding him into her slowly. She could not wait a moment longer for him. With one deep and intentional trust, she moved him inside her. Jane grabbed the headboard to steady herself as Edward groaned deeply. Then they moved together slowly, enjoying the maddening pace of soothing their desperate desires. Jane watched her husband, trying desperately hard to keep her focus on his contorting, masculine, face.

"Mmm" he moaned into her collarbone as he quickened their pace. It was a sound she knew was only for her, and it was the most beautiful melody the world had ever composed. Jane pressed her forehead to his, only able to brush her lips against his, for she needed her mouth for deep, steadying breaths. He smiled at her action quickly before his face contorted again into painful and urgent need. He pushed her hips quicker and deeper into him so that they were both gasping for air and release. With one final thrust, and with the sound of her surrender, Jane felt shock surge through her entire body, lighting every nerve within her. She concentrated very hard so that her husband could finish, and at the feeling of his release within her, she fell back onto the bed, landing amongst their pillows, trying very hard to catch her breath.

Still recovering with slow, steadying breaths, Edward turned over and placed his chin on his wife's stomach. She looked at him over her heaving chest, putting her fingers in his curls to show the affection for him that she couldn't yet speak.

"Mmm" she sighed, pushing her head back to look at the ceiling. She felt him kiss her stomach, resting his head on her. Without looking, she searched for the hand that instantly closed around hers reassuringly.

. . . . . . . .

Over the next few days, Jane felt wonderfully connected to her husband as they moved through their daily routines. This was not to say that she did not feel close with him before, but her slight insecurities of how she had treated him of late were resolved through talking with him, and the full confidence in her ability to balance all in her life had been restored. She noticed a shift in her husband too, for he was easier in mind and less concerned with his list of things to do. All felt very right between them.

The Franklin's had decided it was time to leave with Mary and return to their house in a neighbouring county. It was not especially far- perhaps a two and a half hour carriage ride, but Jane knew the distance meant far more to them than simply distance. Jane suspected that both Diana and Mary loved being in the Rochester home because there was such a sense of calmness and absolution in what was right. But on their own, Jane sensed it would be a different atmosphere between the sisters. Diana still cared very much for what the Captain's relatives thought of her, and although she never would have abandoned Mary for their approval, Jane felt that she was slightly apprehensive for what reprimands may possibly come. For Mary, however, the distance from the Rochester's home meant something far more personal. Nearly every hour of her free time had been taken up with assisting Father Andrew in some way. Jane was not sure if it was because she admired him, found him a comfort, or saw him as more, but there was a noticeable shift in her mood when she learned she would be moving so far away.

Although he never showed it in any outward way, Edward was also glad that the guests were leaving. He was gracious and very good to them as always but, like Jane, he very much valued alone time, and the privacy of being free to conduct himself in his own home as he liked. Jane also guessed that it would be a relief to Edward to have some space from Captain Franklin, in spite of them being friends. Captain Franklin, though good-natured and humoured, was still young in ways and gravitated towards Mr Rochester's maturity in order to validate his choices and opinions. He often consulted his friend of an evening, and though Edward gave honest and fair answers that the Captain appreciated, Jane could tell at times Edward was bored with the self-conscious element of the Captain's character that always strove to impress the people he was surrounded by.

With all of this, it was also difficult to care for Henry with so many people in the home. Henry's parents were not able to walk him up and down the hallways at night, for in doing so they ran the risk of waking all the guests who slept along the same corridor. Neither Jane or her husband slept well anymore, so also being confined to their bedroom when they could have been up doing other things was hard to accept.

The night before the guests departed, Jane and Edward hosted a dinner that the Eshton's and Father Andrew were invited to. Jane and her husband talked at length about whether it was a good idea or not to invite Father seeing as it was sure to only break Mary's heart. But as Jane argued to Edward, no amount of physical space could have pushed him from her mind, just as such could not be done with Jane and Edward if they were to be separated from each other. In the end he had agreed, and Father Andrew arrived with much enthusiasm for the night. It made Jane very sad to watch them, for she was painfully aware of what Mary must have been thinking. She had at one time herself experienced what Mary must have been thinking- how do I go on living my life without the person I love? Of course it was different, for Mary's love was a far shallower river in comparison to the ocean of emotion Jane had for her husband when she had been forced to leave him. But this was all Mary had known of love and this was devastating to her.

After supper was finished, the ladies made their way into the sitting room in order to have tea while the men remained in the dining room for a drink.

"So" Anne said, sitting on the couch across from the one that Jane and Diana sat on, "Where is little Henry Rochester tonight?"

"He is upstairs with Jenny and some of the other girls" Jane said, "Thankfully they enjoy spending time with him, and it gives me and Edward a break".

"Which you desperately need" Anne said, smiling to Jane before taking a sip of her tea.

Jane smiled, "They say that the first few months are the hardest, and I pray to God that such is true, for I cannot imagine things becoming more difficult than this".

Mary rounded the corner, stepping into the room with a heavy, dejected step. Her hands were in front of her, and she gazed at the floor as she made her way over to the couches where the others sat.

"Father Andrew is just leaving" she said, sadly, "I thought I would say goodbye".

"Oh" Jane said quickly standing up, "Father Andrew's gloves were left in here. I did not know he was leaving so soon. Mary, would you like to bring them to him?"

She hesitated but shook her head.

"I have already said my goodbye, and do not wish to have another".

"Then I shall try and find him before he leaves, excuse me for a moment please".

Jane hurried from the room but there was no need to do so. Father Andrew stood in the doorway of the house, looking out into the night with as much pensive energy as someone willing to wait there all night. Jane stopped abruptly when she realised there was no need to rush and observed him from a far. He turned at the sound of her footsteps and looked upon her, his vicar hat in his hands. His smile was sad.

"Beautiful night" he said, somewhat passive in his clearly occupied mind. Jane stepped up beside him, standing on the front step with him.

"Indeed" she said, "Far too beautiful a night not to admire".

"I am lucky, my coachman is always on time, but tonight he is not. It has given me a chance to enjoy the lovely scenery here".

Jane noticed the sadness in his voice and couldn't help but wonder if it was because of the news he received mere hours ago of Mary's departure. She did not know what he thought of her in a potentially romantic way, but her certainly cared for her as a person, almost a friend- that much was evident. While grappling with herself in wondering what could be said, Father Andrew turned to Jane.

"Ms Rochester, you strike me as the type of person I could entrust my deepest secrets to and never fear that they would be shared".

"I try very much, Father, to not share the things people tell me in confidence with anyone else, although I do not keep secrets from my husband if he was to ask something".

"Oh no!" he said quickly, "No, I know that, and I would not ask you to keep something from him, for he strikes me as an equally confidential person".

Jane waited for him to proceed, but he did not. He sighed deeply, and looked up into the sky.

"You do not strike me as the type of person who has many secrets".

"No" he answered truthfully, shaking his head, "No secrets. I rather think that at times though I have my own personal predicaments that are unique to myself, that no one can truly understand. I am a vicar, you see, and it is my job to always be a beacon of hope and guidance to people. In Bath I was unimportant and often went unnoticed in my daily actions. Here, I am constantly busy, constantly being analysed- as any good priest should be kept in line. But it has made me think in great detail about my future, and my own right to happiness in it".

Jane looked at him.

"You see, Ms Rochester, some people choose their own happiness over doing what is right. Other people choose their own happiness over what societal customs demand of them. I am not saying this is a good thing, or something I would encourage, but it has occurred to me that I will never have that option as a priest. Not even for a moment of consideration. My life always must abide within what people at large deem to be correct and proper, and indeed I wish to be that. But if I was sure my happiness would come from something that is not wrong, but also not acceptable, I would be forced to admit that I would always be unhappy in my future".

Jane had a horrible, sinking feeling that she knew what he alluded to. His words had confirmed her greatest fear- that he would never choose love over what society deemed to be right. She paused before responding, careful of the fact that her words may give away more of the situation than what Father Andrew believed people to know.

"You are right, it sounds like a very difficult situation to be in-"

"But I do not complain" he corrected himself quickly, "I love what I do".

"I am very sure of that" Jane said, kindly, "But I also know that to live under the constant eye of others judgement leaves you with a lack of individuality that must be difficult, in spite of how much you enjoy your calling".

He nodded, "Indeed. Especially because the goodness I seek is exactly that- good. I am just not sure what others would call it".

"Father Andrew, in yours and Mary's conversations, has she told you about her brother, St John Rivers?"

"Briefly. She told me he was a missionary and is abroad at present".

"Yes. St John is also a kind, good, selfless man who has devoted himself to serving God with all of his ability. He also asked me to be his wife and serve with him in India".

Father Andrew looked truly surprised at this. He paused, looking perplexed.

"I did not know" was his simple reply.

"You know of course mine and my husbands story".

He nodded.

"Well, when St John asked me to marry him there was no good reason for me to say no. He was decent and honest, and I knew would provide for me. He was the exact type of man that I have always been told would make a respectable husband. But when he proposed, there was only one person who entered my mind, and because I knew the honest and pure love of that person, I preferred to remain unmarried rather then trapped in a loveless marriage. St John chose what he thought was expected of him, and now he is in India, constantly ill, in poor health, and can only write on rare occasions. I speak only from personal experience for myself, but looking at all I have been given and how with my husband I can be free to be fully who I am, I made the right choice that many people would not have made out of fear of judgement. I allow God to be the only one with a right to judge my life, and for me that is enough"

The sound of a rolling carriage broke the thoughtful gaze between Father Andrew and Jane. He looked at her in wordless understanding and nodded.

"Thank you, Ms Rochester, for your honesty. Few people are able to show such with me, it is more refreshing than you know".

As his carriage stopped in front of the house, Jane curtsied customarily to him.

"Of course. Have a safe ride home. I am sure we shall see you very soon. Sunday, in fact".

"I look forward to us meeting then" he said, smiling.

. . . . . . . . .

When Jane returned to the sitting room she found it filled with Mr Eshton, Captain Franklin and her husband entertaining the ladies gathered there. Her heart warmed for the group, for they were all wonderful people that she valued immensely. They were all unique individuals who spoke and thought with a freedom that was encouraging. Although Mr Eshton and Captain Franklin were not the husbands to their wives that Mr Rochester was to Jane, they were respectful and kind, and loved their wives in their own ways. Most importantly, everyone gathered was happy- even Mary's grim countenance had lifted in the face of the people joined before her. She smiled and laughed with them, occasionally seeming to completely forget all the troubles that were sure to lay ahead for her.

When Mary caught sight of Jane hovering near the door she called to her and the group all turned to look at her.

"Jane, come, you must hear this" Edward said, "Eshton has been telling us all of his time in London and the interesting characters he meet there".

"You would have hated them" Eshton said, "I correct myself, Ms Rochester, you are not capable of hate. But you would have found them quite silly as you tolerate no nonsense, despite being married to Edward here".

"Excuse me, but I am sure the same could be said of you"

"Indeed, but Ms Eshton here is wise enough to not mention it"

"Or to overlook it completely" she murmured to Mary, who grinned.

"Come, tell me Mr Eshton, I should love to know" Jane entreated as she sat beside her husband. She felt his hand reach for hers and, for once, she obliged his affection in front of their friends.


	118. Chapter 118

**Thank you, thank you, thank you to all my amazing readers. Truly, I am more humbled everyday that people are still here, and still reading. I owe much to you.**

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The next day, Captain Franklin, Diana and Mary all departed for the Franklin estate. It was not a sad parting, for Jane promised when the baby was born in a few short weeks she, her husband, and her son would come to visit. This seemed to lift Mary's heavy spirit, and she made Jane promise she would give her much help when the time came. It was a promise Jane was happy to make, even though her husband did not look happy at the prospect of playing guest in someone else's house.

The Rochester's stood on their front step, shading their eyes from the sun, and waving to the departing carriage as it pulled down the long drive. When it had turned out of sight, Jane dropped her waving hand and sighed deeply.

"Our home is our own again" Edward said, "How strange it is that that sentence can now be uttered".

He turned to his wife, but saw that she was distracted.

"What is it?"

"Nothing" Jane said, smiling to herself, "I thought for a fleeting moment of Father Andrew coming up the drive to say a final goodbye to Mary. It was a foolish and impractical thought, yet one that would have made her very happy".

Edward tilted his head at Jane,

"Tell me, even if this relationship _could_ come into being, would you want it to? Father Andrew is a good man that cares far too much about what people think of him. Even if he did listen to his heart and marry Mary, would their relationship not always be tainted by his concern for what people saw him as?"

"No, I think you are right. I think in a quieter place, or perhaps a busier place where they would be easier to miss, it would be different. But this town, mixed with his need to be viewed a certain way, would never allow for it. But if I was to accept that, I would be forced to accept that she will never find a man willing to marry her. Perhaps not until she is old and grey and meets a man who has lost his wife and merely looks for a companion. By that time her baby will be grown, and the most difficult part of life that is easier with someone beside you will be long gone for her".

"It is not fair, Jane" Edward said, "Many people make mistakes that are far more easily forgiven, and this was not even her mistake. I wish we could rest easier knowing that she will never want for anything as many women must in her situation, but that knowledge is not particularly comforting".

Jane knew her husbands frustrations stemmed from knowing himself what it was to be entangled in something that was impossible to become removed from. She sensed his empathy, and loved him for it.

"Come" Edward said, "Would you like to take a walk around the gardens with me? It is too lovely an afternoon to turn in just yet, especially with Henry still asleep".

Jane smiled at him and took his arm as they moved together towards the grown in shrubbery.

Jane had always loved this fully English garden. She suspected that when it came time to find a new house her husband asked only for homes with impressive gardens. Jane spent most of her personal time out here, examining the new flowers that began to come into bloom, or just sitting under the shade of an impressive tree. She thought that it must look like something out of a fairy tale with large lines of beautiful leaves wrapping around trellaces and curling up the side of wooden fences. Large, soft pink flowers bloomed wildly in tall bushes while wild spring flowers of all different colours and sizes grew lower to the ground, in between the walkway and into the grass. One could smell the lavender when walking past it, for when in full bloom its aromatic oils, heightened by the sun, were almost overpowering. One could not see past the tall and pleasant hedges covered in leaves and flowers, but no high stone wall encircled the garden.

Jane held her husbands arm, comfortable walking with him wordlessly. She often thought about this, and what level of comfort it must have signified that she did not feel the need to fill the silence when it came between them. To simply be with him was enough.

"Look" Edward said suddenly, walking towards a light purple flower with individual long petals streaked with white lines, "This is an African flower. I have never seen it in person, for I did not think it possible to grow them here. How beautiful it is".

He half addressed Jane, half marvelled to himself.

"How do you know it is African?" she asked, touching the flower very gently.

"I have a textbook on North African violets. It is of a similar kind of flower, but this is far more vivid and striking than any book has made it out to be".

Jane smiled to herself. Her husband's deep interest in nature had always touched her. He stepped back, smiling to his wife before putting his arm around her waist.

"I will show you the book when we return to the house" he said "I would ask you if you wish to see it, but I know your answer would be yes"

She nodded and he tugged her gently in the direction of a large and shadowy tree. He kissed her temple easily as she moved back into his embrace, walking once again close to him.

"You know" Jane began, "I do not think that Mary will ever move out of Diana's house now"

"Really? I find that hard to believe. Surely if Diana and Mary become close again, which I am sure they will, that prospect would still never be appealing to Captain Franklin"

"But Diana is often lonely. I think once she learns what the comfort of her sister being always with her is, she will not want her to go. Besides, where could Mary live on her own now? At Diana's she will have a nanny for her child, and many servants to help. As for her husband, well, I think he would want her happiness for he loves her, and he grants much of his own happiness without her approval".

Diana had been telling Jane during her stay at the Rochester home that she often passed nights alone, stitching or painting, while her husband was out his with his fellow naval soldiers, and that he did not return home until she was long asleep. This time away did not seem to bother Diana, only that she did find herself lonely without someone to talk to.

"To be sure" Edward said, "He spoke often of his naval friends and their gatherings to me and Eshton, who's father was in the navy himself. I think Eshton knew far more about these infamous gatherings than Franklin thought he did".

"Are they so very bad?"

Edward grinned slightly to himself, "They have the potential to be, as most things in large groups of men do. Often, some of the men go to brothels nearby, or drink too much and end up fight in the streets, but I would say the vast majority simply drink and remissness on the glory of their sailing days. I am positive that Franklin does not partake in anything that is wrong".

But something crossed Edward's mind, and he looked to the ground, biting back a smile.

"And here I am telling my wife about the mischief of navy men".

As they reached the tree, Jane sat down and looked up at her standing husband.

"You have been spending too much time with Mr Eshton and Mr Franklin if you think that you need to protect me from the truth of the life of a man at sea".

Edward nodded, "I know I do not need to protect you from such things, but being around both Eshton and Franklin has made me aware of how lucky I am to be able to share such with you".

Jane would have reprimanded him for his answer if she thought he was merely trying to cover up other feelings, but he was honest as he always was, and sat beside her on the bench with a unpolluted mind.

"I would be surprised to learn if Captain Franklin did engage in anything wrong- he is good and fair, or so it seems to me".

"No, I agree entirely" Edward said, "Though as you allude to, it is wrong to leave his wife at home with no company. She told me briefly she did not like the servants in her home"

"Diana finds that her servants are quite old, for they came with Captain Franklin's family home. She does not find any commonality between herself and them. They are polite and good, but have no qualities beyond that of which she knows as mistress of the house".

"Ah, not like the governess who used to make her way around my house, stunning her master with her thoughts and her heart".

Jane grinned,

"No" she said softly, "Nothing like that".

"But enough of our family and their servants" Edward said with renewed energy in his voice, "Tell me something of yourself-anything. These days it has been much about Henry, or our guests, and I wish to know of my wife".

Jane thought for a moment, but then a thought rose to her mind that she had intentionally tucked away while their guests were staying with them. The smile fell slightly from Edward's face and he looked to Jane a little more seriously.

"I thought you were going to tell me something amusing, or encouraging, and yet you look very serious. What is on your mind, darling?"

"Nothing so very bad" Jane said, truthfully, "But I worry I have taken on more then I can handle with Lady Denver. When she arrived here I was unkind to her, in my own way, for I decided I would take her on as a project- that to draw her out and try and understand her more would be my mission. I had no right to do this".

"What do you mean?"

"People have many reasons for not revealing themselves. I was selfish, and because she is difficult in temperament I decided to make knowing her more enjoyable for me by drawing her out. If she did not wish to be known to those around her, I was wrong to force it".

"Jane" he said, "I would hardly say that you were unkind to her for doing this. If she really did not want to be drawn out or known, she would remain in her home and keep to herself. She answers the questions she is asked, and invited you over for tea with no obligation to do so. That does not seem like a person who does not wish to be known, rather, maybe it is just someone out of practice".

Jane thought on his words, and though there was a lot of truth in them she couldn't help but still feel slightly guilty. She must not have looked convinced, because Edward took her hand.

"Anyone would be lucky, Jane, to have you in their life. I do not say that as your husband, nor as your friend, but as someone lucky enough to know you. I am positive she has asked you over for tea because she sees in you something she relates to, and for a woman like her who is so unhappy with seemingly everything, I think that is remarkable. You will do her much good, probably more than you will ever know".

She kissed the hand that was resting in hers and brought it close to her.

"Thank you. I did not stay silent so that you would flatter me into contentedness"

"Do you think I do not know that?" he asked, grinning, "I saw your cheek burn scarlet at my words. Sometimes I wish you would allow me to compliment you more, and more freely, but then again I do not think I shall ever become tired of seeing that blush cross your face".

. . . . . . . . . . . .

The following days of ease and peace in the Rochester home was wonderfully refreshing. Without guests to entertain, Jane and her husband could go about their day as they pleased with no worry of remaining within respectable time perimeters, which was especially helpful with Henry. While guests were over, dinner had to be at seven, regardless of whether Henry slept or fussed, which most of the time left one of his two parents away from the party while trying to feed him or have him fall asleep. Now, if Henry did not fall asleep until eight, they simply ate together a little later. It was a much freer feeling, and it felt much better to not be apart for important things such as meals.

Henry continued to astonish them both. He was now almost four months old and already Jane was shocked by the time that had passed. In quiet moments, she made herself promise to miss nothing, for time was precious with Henry, and in looking away she may never see again the things she missed. She suspected her husband also said the same to himself, for he played with Henry and held him and rocked him without complaint and without anything but patience and love. It warmed Jane's heart, and made it the sight she best liked to see.

She also had time to catch up on some readings that she had been too busy to attempt. It left her with much to discuss with Edward. Talking with him never ceased to fascinate her, for he knew much, and could add much more information to that which she gathered off of a page. Often time this came down to personal experience, and seeing the sites she could only read about. When she voiced how extraordinary it was that he had seen all he had seen and been all the places he had been he merely smiled and promised her that one day, she would see all those things too with him as her guide. She hoped that this would be true.

One day, she was sitting in the library nursing Henry and reading when the door opened and her husband strode inside. He moved straight to his desk without addressing Jane and only then did she see a letter that had already been opened sitting in his hand. She watched him as he pulled another piece of paper from a drawer and compared it to the crumpled one in his hand. After some time of complete silence, Jane turned and addressed him.

"What is it?"

The sound of her voice seemed to pull him back to reality.

"It's my banker in London"

"Is everything alright?"

He did not answer right away, his eyes still darting between the different pieces of paper.

"...Yes" he said eventually, not raising his knitted eyebrows from what was before him, "But they want a meeting with me"

"In London?"

"Mmm" he replied walking over to her. He sat beside her and quickly kissed the top of Henry's nursing head before handing her the two sheets of paper.

"Why?"

He pointed to the older and yellower piece of paper.

"See this? This is a report from last years household expenses, meaning all the wages of the servants. Well, because of the amount of servants we have for a small household I had to put certain roles in under unique titles. When Ms Miller was helping you here I listed her as a nanny, though she was not, and now the bank wishes to meet to discuss such roles I had hired people under".

"But it seems absurd" Jane said, taking the other piece of paper from Edward, "Is a man not allowed to hire whomever he likes for whatever purpose if he can afford to pay it?"

He shook his head, "It is not that. I am not worried about the outcome of the meeting, for nothing will come of it, and all will be settled by my travels there. This is routine for banks. But I am worried about the travel. I absolutely hate being away from you and Henry".

"How long will you be gone?"

"As short a time as possible. Two days, one night"

"That is not so very bad?"

"It is to me" he huffed, looking highly annoyed.

Jane touched his arm, "I know you do not like being away. But at least it is no longer than two days-"

"Two days Jane! My god that is bad enough as it is, and all over a ridiculous, made up issue".

Jane signed,

"We have a staff to see to, and you in particular are responsible for their wages. And-" she continued, stopping him before he could speak "-for their ability to feel secure here".

He rolled his eyes, looking more grim than ever.

"You would see it that way"

"Which way?"

"As me securing the comfort of our servants"

"What other way would you have me see it?'

"As a wife who is sad that her husband will be gone for two days, perhaps"

At times, Jane could still see parts of the man that she had first known when she arrived at Thornfield. He could still be brisk and demanding at times, wishing her to see things from his point of view. She did not mind though, such moods were infrequent now, and only the result of being frustrated. Now that she knew him so well, she could see how harmless such actually was.

"Of course I see it that way, that is the first thing I thought of" Jane said, honestly, "But I am less important than all the people in this house who are relying on this meeting to keep their job".

He looked more frustrated then ever in realising his selfishness, but Jane was quick to pull him back from that edge.

"Still, I do not know what am I to do in bed at night with no one to talk to...with no one there to warm me? And, god forbid if I am driven mad with Henry's crying-".

These words were meant to be light and playful, but he did not understand them in that way.

"That's it, I am not going then. As you say, what if Henry cries for two nights straight and I am not here to help?"

"You are going, and that's that" Jane said firmly, "I think I shall manage without your help for only two days"

"I know you can manage, but then what of myself?" he asked, "How am I to manage without you by my side?"

Jane wished to kiss him very much, but did not want to disturb her nursing child. He must have caught this unspoken internal dialogue in her eye because he merely grinned and reached forward to press his lips to hers.

"Bring a good book"

"Now you mock me"

"No, not at all. I think next to having me to talk to, it will be the thing you enjoy the most".

Although these last words were true, it did not make his leaving the following day any easier. He sulked as he rose and dressed, and would not elaborate on the questions Jane asked him. After suffering short and dissatisfying answers long enough, Jane lay back down and tried to go back to sleep. But soon there was an guilty touch on her shoulder as she was shaken lightly.

"Jane, love?"

"Hm?"

"Forgive me".

"Forgiven" she said, turning to look up into his face. He brushed his fingers along her cheek and lips.

"Do not forgive me so quickly, I do not deserve it"

"You are welcome to anything I have, including my forgiveness".

"Good god woman" he said, burying his head in her chest, "You will make it impossible to leave you".

"But you must, your carriage awaits".

He pulled back, sighing. He leaned forward and kissed Jane passionately. She never quite knew how he had come to learn the skills to overpower her instantly with his lips, but it surprised her every time. When he drew back she felt like she was in some sort of dream-like haze, and it took a moment for her eyes to focus again.

"Goodbye, darling" he said with such tenderness and softness that it made Jane's heart bleed. He leaned in to kiss her again but she pushed him back.

"If you want another kiss you must come back for it" she said, her eyebrow raised, "Goodbye husband".

He pressed his lips maddeningly gently to her forehead, temple, nose, cheeks, chin and jaw before just brushing her lips with his.

"There" he said, "Look after my heart, I am leaving it with you"

Jane nodded and touched his forehead thoughtlessly.

"I will give Henry a quick kiss goodbye before I go. I wish I could pick him up and tell him how much I love him, but he is still sleeping, and I do not think you would ever forgive me if I woke him prematurely".

"Never" Jane confirmed sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"No, no. Sleep for as long as you can".

"I want to see you off" she said assuredly, throwing back the blankets.

Within another 10 minutes, he was gone and Jane felt his absence weigh on her heart like lead. It was not long after that that she would have done anything in the world to bring him back.


	119. Chapter 119

**I hope you guys like this chapter! It ends in a little bit of a cliffhanger, but the rest to come very soon.**

 **Thank you all! xoxoxox**

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"Thank you Caroline" Jane was telling one of her chamber maids, "I did not get a chance to strip the beds of any of our guests, I cannot believe I forgot, it has been weeks now".

Caroline only smiled, "That is my job, ma'am, and I am very happy to do it".

Jane nodded, "Well thank you all the same, even though I should have had that finished long ago".

At that moment, John came down the hallway, moving slowly and yet moving quickly for his age and condition. Jane felt more confused as he approached, and even felt afraid when he had reached her. His face looked so sunken.

"John, what is it?" Jane asked,

"Ma'am there is a visitor here to see your husband. I told him that he was not home and yet he insisted on speaking to you".

Caroline shuffled away quickly. John's tone was peaked and serious. Jane looked at him,

"Who is he, John?"

"A Mr Mason, miss".

Jane felt her heart thud to the bottom of her stomach. That was a name she had not heard in a very long time. It was a name, although it was not his fault, that had caused her profound and unimaginable sadness in revealing the identity of his sister. She had put the name into the back of her mind, and it had not crossed her thoughts since. This sudden arrival was strange and difficult to process.

She said nothing, so John posed a question.

"Shall I send him away miss? He was quite insistent on speaking to you".

She was sure that John remembered who this man had been and was trying very hard to protect her from him. Gathering much courage, Jane shook her head.

"I would appreciate if you would show him into the main sitting room. Tell him I should be down in a moment".

He nodded in comprehension and was soon moving back down the hallway. Henry, who had been in Jane's arms fussed, and she bounced him absentmindedly. For once, her thoughts were not with her son. She considered calling Jenny and the other girls to watch him while she spoke with Mr Mason, but decided against it. It seemed to be dishonest in a conversation that was sure to be anything but. She took a deep breath and descended the stairs towards the sitting room.

She had a clear view of Mr Mason before he saw her. He stood in the middle of the room, his hat clutched wearily in both of his hands. He looked down at the floor, and then around the room, seeming to take in all that he could see. Two years had aged him significantly. His hair was not so thick as it once was, rather wispy and thin, and the dark brown, almost black that it once was was fading into a premature grey. His face was sallow, and thin and when he saw her, it bore a similar guilty look he had given her so long ago upon bursting through the church doors and declaring the marriage- her marriage, to be illegitimate.

He bowed quickly upon seeing her, and then he took a double take at the child in her arms. Jane stepped towards him.

"Hello Mr Mason" she said politely, struggling to keep her voice even and indifferent.

"Hello, Ms Rochester" he said, with equal politeness, though he was perhaps worse at concealing his nerves than she was.

"Please, sit" Jane offered, sitting across from him with Henry in her lap.

"This is our son, Henry".

He bowed his head, "He looks well"

"I would like to hope so. Apart from when he is crying, which can be frequently, he seems to be a very content child. I hope so, anyways".

He nodded again silently, this line of conversation not easing the awkwardness between them.

"I will not trifle with you, Ms Rochester. You must be very surprised to see me, and I must be a very unwelcome guest here"

"You are a surprise, but I should see no reason why you would be unwelcome".

He stared blankly at her, trying to make out some secret meaning in her words that were simply not here.

"With all due respect, ma'am, I understand what I did to yours and your husbands happiness. Though I do not regret it, I thought you would be angry with me, even furious".

Jane thought before answering, wishing her loyalties to remain with her husband while explaining the situation as best she could to Mr Mason.

"You did the only thing you could have done, Mr Mason, and my husband would agree with you. You stopped something that was wrong".

He nodded, unsure whether to trust Jane's calm words or not.

"Well I am...surprised you feel that way. I am grateful for your understanding".

Jane tilted her head to the side, observing him.

"I must admit, I do find it strange you are here wishing to speak to me when you come and find my husband is not home at present. I am sure that John informed you he will be back tomorrow".

"Ah" he said, looking thoughtful, "I am afraid what I wished to tell him could not wait beyond today. My luck is poor, and now I fear I will never have the chance to say such things to Edward directly. I must ask you to repeat what I intend to share with you so that you may pass it on to him. You look confused, Ms Rochester. I am dying, you see, contracted some sort of illness from Paris and have not recovered since. I am going home to be at peace, in the final months, perhaps weeks I have left. I have not spoken with Edward in a very long time, since the news of my sisters death, but I owe him much- far more than I was ever willing to admit in the times we spoke. I do not wish to die a remorseful man, Ms Rochester".

Jane reflected on the words and felt truly sorry for him. He was not old, and could not have deserved such a premature death. It did not seem he had ever gained much happiness from this life. She could tell that death would not come peacefully to him, even now he looked laboured and unwell, and like this was not an end he could meet while holding the white flag of surrender.

Mr Mason mistook her silence for something else, for he spoke again as if he had not properly informed her of his intentions.

"I wished to apologise for my actions to him in the past, and in many ways my actions, or lack thereof, caused you equal unhappiness. I am sure by now your husband has told you in detail the story of how he and my sister were brought into an engagement and eventually marriage?"

"Yes, of course"

"Then he has told you that his Father and brother contacted my father, knowing that my family was half deluded with madness and illness?"

"Yes"

"My father, like his, was selfish. He wished Bertha to be out of his hands, and out of his hair. His father and mine plotted to bring the two together. Edward was young, two years younger than myself, and they knew, as I knew, that he was impressionable. I allowed the union to happen for purely selfish reasons. I was tired of my father complaining of Bertha's unnatural and unreasonable ways. I, in my youth, did not want to be responsible for her any more either. We encouraged each other in securing our freedom from her as my father had already done with my mother by placing her in an institution many years before. I did not know Edward when he married my sister, for they had only even spoken at parties where we knew Bertha's true character could be hidden effectively. He himself had only spoken with her a handful of times, and never alone. We were always there to push the union along and, eventually,we were successful".

It was very painful for Jane to listen to this. Edward had significantly dulled other peoples influence over the union when he had described the situation to Jane. He had taken all the blame, and from Mr Masons tale it was evident that his only mistake was youth, and that goodness lay under the unfortunate ability to be flattered far too easily.

"I felt immensely guilty when the marriage had taken place. Not only because I realised what I had done, but because I liked Edward very much. He was lighthearted then, and full of youthful energy. My sister killed him in many ways. Days into their union I believe he saw her true character, if not within the first hour of their time alone. Edward understood then that he was laboured with her increasing madness until he died, and that took an immense toll on me".

He stopped again, this time waiting for a comment from Jane.

"You may be able to see, Mr Mason, that I have little compassion for what you suffered in comparison to what you laboured my husband with. You knew the difference, you knew your sister. You knew that her circumstances were indeed very unfortunate, and that any man who inherited caring for her would be miserable for the whole of their lives. Could you not see past your own selfishness to grant a man happiness? To grant a man his life?"

Ms Mason remained frozen, saying nothing.

"I did not mean to imply that my suffering was worse than your husbands- only that I was not free from guilt either. My guilt only increased when I had seen what my horrible sister had degraded into. You see Ms Rochester, not even Edward can know the full extent of her awful character, even before he meet her. She was selfish, rough, and destructive in obtaining whatever she wanted. With her illness, all these qualities only grew more fowl and unbearable. Edward may have hated her, and rightfully so, for she tricked him herself, but he never treated her badly when he had every opportunity to do so. I will always respect him for the amount of decency he showed to Bertha, in spite of how undeserving she was of it. In the end, he suffered permanent scars and at one time blindness for trying to save her, though she had caused him to lose the most important thing in the world. I wished to tell him that I know the cost of what he has done".

Jane thought it was cruel and strange for a brother to talk of his sister in such a way. Even if she was horrible before her descent into madness, it was an odd way to address her memory in death. There was strange aggression in his words, anger which throbbed in his veins. She did not think this spoke well of Mr Masons character, which was quick to blame everyone but himself. But, Jane was quick to remind herself of the thing which Edward had found redeeming in him- that he continued to look after his sister. He cared about her well being, and this conversation was proof of it.

"Strange" he said, thoughtfully, before Jane had a chance to reply to him. "In ways, we are very connected, you and I. You saved my life at one point, or at least aided me when I was in need of saving. How strange that this is where we have ended up. That small, quiet governess is now the lady of a beautiful home with a family. And that man she helped, with supposedly everything in the world, is reduced to ruin and illness that will kill him with ferocity. I suppose it is my punishment. If it is, I shall bare it with as much grace as possible".

He paused.

"Bertha ruined many lives, Ms Rochester. She ruined Edward's, mine, my fathers. God has forgiven Edward. He has granted him a fair measure of happiness after the goodness he showed to my sister. But, he has continued to punish me straight to my death, and I will never understand why until I come to meet him".

Jane laid Henry, just asleep, into a bassinet beside her so that her hands were free. She knitted her fingers together and looked into the face of her companion who was a stranger, but oddly close to every moment of her life. This thought softened her.

"Mr Mason, you do not know me well, or perhaps even at all, so I feel like I must tell you that I am a very honest person. I do not say things that I do not mean. Perhaps under very different circumstances, and in another time, we would know each other well enough so I did not need to tell you this in advance".

She felt a breeze of encouragement move through her, and she sat up a little taller.

"You still speak very ill of your sister. You call her a burden, and you call her a torment in your life. Though she robbed my husband of every share of happiness in life, he still understood that her madness was not her fault, and although she was no good woman before their marriage or after, the violence of all her worst traits was accelerated by a condition she could not help. If it was in her to repent, for I do not know if it was, she never had the chance. Bertha lived a burdened and tormented life too I am sure, though she was made comfortable and well taken care of".

Jane paused, looking at Mr Mason with as much honesty as she could muster.

"Do not let your heart be troubled now. The time for guilt and shame are long gone. You come with an apology that does not need to be spoken. I can speak for my husband when I tell you that he harbours no bad feelings towards you. We cannot change the past, Mr Mason, and for you to spend time thinking about what kind of person then is a waste of the precious time you have left. Return home knowing that what you have told me I will faithfully pass on to my husband. Return home in peace".

He looked at Jane, bewildered. He looked as if he did not know what to say- as if this turn in conversation was the last thing he expected to hear. In ways, Jane wished they had more time together- that she could be sure he would leave unburdened, and free from whatever obligation he felt to Mr Rochester. But she could see he was itching to leave, and that nothing but a need to be thorough pinned him to the sofa that he sat on. It was odd- Edward thought so little of him now, but the way Mr Mason sat before Jane she was positive that he thought of Mr Rochester frequently. Remorse, Jane reflected, was a terrible burden.

He nodded at her, and sighed, standing up.

"As you say, in another time we may have even been friends...had we all made better choices. You are a remarkable woman. I understand so clearly what your husband sees in you. I know he realises what a lucky man he is. He was never a fool, after all. Thank you for your kindness to me, and thank you for listening. For now, there is nothing more I can think of to say to you".

Jane nodded wordlessly, standing with him.

"Goodbye, Ms Rochester"

"Goodbye, Mr Mason" Jane said, kindly, "I wish you well".

As he turned to leave the room Jane stopped him abruptly by calling his name.

"Please. There is ink and paper beside you. Write your address in Jamaica. I am sure Edward will have wished he was here to speak to you personally, and will want to send you a letter in response to all you have said".

Mason, looking confused but somewhat satisfied that he could have one last direct correspondence with his old and complicated acquaintance, scribbled down his address.

Looking up, he smiled sadly.

"I am truly happy that Edward has found his way back to you- that God has been kind to you both. Your happiness is well deserved. I only wish it could have come sooner, at far lower a cost".

And with that, he had rounded the corner and was out of sight forever.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Jane was ill at ease the rest of the afternoon and into the night.

The encounter had been brief, almost like it had never happened at all, yet it left Jane feeling strange and unsettled. She knew that Mr Mason, as flawed as he was, would suffer death alone- and soon. His apology had been in order to clear his own conscious, but Jane wondered how much of that emotional weight had actually been lifted from him- he seemed like the sort that would carry it as a badge of honour until his final days. How short and fleeting were the moments she had known him, and yet how profoundly had he shaped her life, perhaps without even noticing.

She had her tea alone that night, musing that Edward's concerns of whether or not Henry would take a long time to put to asleep were all for nothing. He slept well, and Jane stayed with him for as long as she could before retiring to her own room.

She undressed slowly, groggily, and with little intention. It look her much longer than it normally did, for her mind was absorbed. She had a feeling if her husband was around she would have had someone to loosen up all the knots of thought in her mind, but she was alone, and her mind ran amuck. She was surprised how one year and a few months of marriage could so drastically alter her ability to ease her own mind.

The night was freezing, despite it being summer. The day had been odd too, feeling abnormally cold in comparison to what the average summer day had been. She should have suspected the night would be similar. As she climbed into bed, she felt the cold sheets against her body and shivered. The fire, though lit, was simply not warm enough tonight. But then Henry crossed her mind, and she wondered if he had been warm enough.

Pulling her sheets back, and releasing whatever warmth she had stored up in the blankets, she went to check on her son. Henry's nursery next door was much smaller than her own bedroom and the fire lit in this room kept it comfortably warm. Henry was also wrapped in warm blankets apart from the sleeping outfit he was already wearing. Jane touched his cheek ever so gently and found him to be content, his fingers and toes tucked into the blanket securely.

She sighed, wondering is she was merely looking for excuses to keep herself awake. Her mind was still racing with thoughts, and she didn't feel the least bit tired. Frustrated, she returned to her room and climbed back into bed.

She was angry at her husband now for going- irrationally angered by her lack of sleep. He was always so welcoming, his body her personal warmth all night. She simply did not sleep as well with him not there. She knew this would be the case when he left, but she could not settle herself, and felt there was no chance of falling into a deep sleep any time soon. She once again threw back the sheets and climbed out of bed.

She dug in Edward's drawers looking for his longer nightshirts intended for winter. Finding them on the very bottom, she took one out and pulled it over her head, trying to disturb as few of his things as possible. The fabric of his nightshirts were much thicker then hers, and he hardly ever used them. He was always warm enough to sleep without anything. He often teased Jane that if she was to put a little more meat on her bones, and became a little warmer naturally, he would get the same benefit of sleeping with her as she did with him wearing nothing to bed.

She hoisted up the nightgown material so she didn't trip on the ends that dragged on the floor and got back into bed, pulling the blankets up to her chin, with admittedly with a few additions. As she lay there, her eyes pointlessly closed, she listened for the sounds of the night. They were unnaturally easy to hear, and with a sudden realisation she saw that one of the windows was left opened from the night before. Feeling more frustrated and cold then ever, she got up and tried to slam the window shut, but it would not budge. She did not know if it was because she did not have the strength or because it was truly stuck, but it was pointless for her to keep trying. Desperately, she took a blanket from the bed, hesitant to let it go, and pinned it up to the window, at least blocking the main persistent wind from blowing through her room.

Jane did not remember when she fell asleep, but it was not for a long time after. Still, she must have fallen into a light sleep for she was woken up by sound in her room. When her eyes flicked opened it felt like they had never closed. She had had no rest. It was still dark, and her eyes focused on a black figure standing by the window trying very hard to force it shut. Edward's familiar grunts told Jane who the intruder was, although she had little doubt, even in this dim lighting. Laying her head back on the pillow she realised she had been sleeping in the same position in order to keep the warmth in the blankets and as a result was very stiff.

Finally the sound of the window slamming pulled Jane back to her senses. Edward sighed heavily, shaking his head towards the blanket hanging in front of it. For the first time he looked to Jane and saw that she was awake. She had pulled herself into a seated position, and was looking towards him.

"Why did you not call one of the servants up to look at this window?" he demanded, "It is cold out tonight. You must be freezing".

Jane cautioned herself before she spoke, careful not to get angry at him for something that was not his fault.

"It was too late when I realised" she said plainly, "I wouldn't have woken them up for a window- it is the summer after all".

"It may be summer but tonight it does not feel like it" he said, throwing off his travelling cloak, "You should have called someone to come and close it".

He was not especially angry with her, but his voice was firm. This did nothing for Jane's mood.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, "Why are you home? What time is it?"

He flipped opened a pocket watch laying on a table beside him and looked at it,

"Almost three"

Jane crossed her arms,

"And I am assuming you just arrived home?"

"Of course I have just arrived home".

He had less patience in his voice now.

"And what were you doing travelling at night? And alone?" Jane asked, "What is so urgent that you needed to come home straight away? You know how dangerous the roads can be at night. That was an necessary risk, Edward. You would have been home in a few hours time and under much safer circumstances".

He paused to look at her, his shirt half pulled over his head.

"Well if I knew that was the sort of welcome I would receive, I do not think I would have rushed home. I was only excited to get back to my family".

"If something had happened to you on the road you would never have returned to us"

"And yet here I am" he said obviously, taking off his socks with more force than necessary.

Jane sighed and lay back down in the bed, her hand over her eyes. She had thought about wanting him home for the majority of her night and now he was here, she was scolding him. She wanted to bury her face in the pillow.

Edward sat on the edge of the bed, his back to Jane, before sighing and turning slowly. Jane watched the tension fall from his shoulders and heard his pride vanish from his voice.

"I'm sorry, love. I shouldn't have said anything about the window. I know why you did not call anyone to help, and if I had been here I would have closed it for you. Forgive me, please".

"No, it was not a good day, Edward. I have been thinking all night about how much I wish you would come back here, and now that you have, I have spent your time telling you that you should not have come back. I do not mean a word of it. I am sorry".

"Why did you want me?" he asked seriously, cupping her face in his hand, "What happened today?"

Jane pulled him into bed beside her. She felt her heart relax and her mind begin to run silently. He was all warmth and comfort to her. He reached out to draw her nearer, but touched her arm and gasped slightly.

"Darling, you _are_ freezing" he said, sounding more concerned than surprised. He took her hands in his and held them to his mouth. Jane shook her head at him,

"All is well now".

He touched her back and moved his hand down her leg to where her nightgowns ended, pulling them up slightly to feel how many layers she was wearing within her thick bundle of clothing.

"Come here" he said, lifting his arm so that she could be as close to him as possible. He wrapped his strong and protective arms around her and pressed his lips to the forehead that naturally rested against them.

"Tell me what happened today" he entreated, but Jane shook her head.

"Can we please talk in the morning? I know you must be tired too from travelling all night. I am not sure I could string more then a few sentences together at present".

He nodded, "Of course".

But by this time she was already asleep.

. . . . .

Jane woke to soft kisses being planted on her forehead. She stirred slightly, not wishing to open her eyes just yet. She cuddled into the frame that had remained by her all night, breathing in his familiar scent. She had slept very soundly in comparison to what she had suffered earlier in the night and had no desire to wake yet- but his lips brushed her cheek again and she could not pretend that she was not being roused from sleep.

Edward's face was serious and thoughtful when she opened her eyes. He was sitting upright, his back pressed to the headboard as his hand traced shapes in her back absentmindedly. His gaze was set on some unmarked place before him. Jane turned ever so slightly, propping herself up on her arm. She touched his leg with her hand and he turned towards her.

"How did you sleep?" he asked seriously.

"Very well"

"You did not sound as if you did. You murmured in your sleep all night long".

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to keep you awake with such mutterings. Why did you not shake me awake"

"That is not what bothered me" he said, "You only talk in your sleep when you are keeping something from me that is bothering you. I am sorry I have just woken you, but I could not lay here any longer not knowing what happened yesterday".

Jane nodded and pulled herself up to sit beside him too. She ran though her mind what was the best way to tell him of Mr Mason's arrival, but no answer seemed like the right one. As she thought, she was swept onto her husbands lap. She was now looking directly into his face and felt guilty for it. The one person she told everything became the one person that she did not want to tell about this interaction.

He tilted her chin up, bringing her gaze to his.

"While you were gone yesterday, Ms Mason arrived here".

All encouragement in Edward's face fell, and he looked rather shocked.

"Mason?" he repeated


	120. Chapter 120

"Mr Mason arrived yesterday in the afternoon. He wanted very much to speak to you in person"

"And how do you know this?" he asked impatiently.

"Because I spoke to him instead".

Edward looked taken aback, and extremely annoyed.

"Mason had the nerve to speak to you?"

"He asked to speak with me, yes"

"He asked!? You didn't just come upon him?"

Jane put her hand around her husbands arm,

"Can you let me explain, and then I will answer any questions that you may have, limited as my knowledge is".

He looked as if he was going to blast some angry retort at her, but he stopped himself and nodded.

"I'm sorry" he corrected, "Continue, please"

Jane reached up and smoothed his scrutinising forehead with her thumb, relaxing his tense face.

She proceeded told him the whole story, how Mr Mason had come in search of Edward but in finding he was not there asked for her instead. She told of how she arrived downstairs and he was surprised to see she was not angry with him, or that she did not want to throw him out the front door. She then relayed his full story of woe, the additions he had made to the story of his sisters marriage, and how he had left almost as quickly as he had come. When she was finished, Edward was quiet for a very long time. Jane did not feel the need to interrupt him, for she knew this information meant a lot to him and taking it in was important.

"Thank you" he eventually said, kissing Jane's forehead somewhat unexpectedly, "Thank you for listening to a difficult conversation that was not yours to take on".

Jane looked at him, eyebrow raised.

"Your life is my life. There is nothing of yours I would not be willing to take on".

He nodded, not looking at her, "I know".

Jane surveyed him, rubbing his hand affectionately.

"Then what is wrong?"

"I just do not like that fact that he came here, reminding you of a horrible experience that I only wish to place behind us now. That situation of mine has already caused enough unhappiness".

Jane shook her head,

"It causes me no unhappiness any longer. You are my husband now, and I am infinitely happy with you. Mr Mason had something important to tell you, something that I know has resided between you long before you meet me. He had every right to come and want to speak with you. I have no desire to shy away from your past, for it is part of who you are, and I want to know every part of you".

Edward looked to his wife, and Jane allowed him to press his lips to her forehead softly.

"Was there anything Mason said that upset you?".

"Of course not" Jane affirmed, "You have told me everything that he told me, and in far greater detail. In truth, I think he was surprised I knew as much as I did of his sisters marriage to you"

"I'm sure he was" Edward said, "The women in Mason's family were never deemed to be competent enough to handle much of any truth. And since, he has surrounded himself with equally dull women of which he had no expectation of intellect. If I know Mason at all, which I flatter myself I do, he was gracious about our marriage but upset that he was not granted such in his life".

Jane paused, impressed with her husband's intuitiveness.

"He said exactly that".

He shook his head, smiling, "Mason always was a predictable man".

But Edward's mood shifted to something slightly more thoughtful as he fell back into silence. Jane stroked his arm.

"Are you sad to receive such news of Mr Mason's impending death? I know that your relations have not been particularly pleasant ones, but you have still known him a very long time".

Edward looked very thoughtful as he pondered his answer.

"I am sad a fellow human being is dying prematurely, as I would be sad for anyone. Mason has lived a miserable existence- he's never been happy, he's never been granted any measure of success in life. And now, it seems he will never have the chance to have that. In that way I am very sorry for him".

"But you will not miss him as a friend?"

"I'm not sure we ever were friends, Jane. Circumstance brought us together, not comradery. I think under very different circumstances, if we had not meet the way we did, we never could have become friends. He was hardened and cynical by the age of 23 when I had first meet him, though he had no reason to be. And, though I have long since stopped being angry with him, he did know better then to promote the union between myself and his sister. He was selfish when he could have chosen better. I could never be close to someone I do not respect, and the only respect I ever had for Mason was in the minimal care he showed for his sister".

"Such a person could not have been worthy of your time" Jane agreed, "Though I did take his address. I did not know if you would want to write to him or not, but in truth, he seemed far too disappointed to find only me here to not at least offer".

She reached over on her nightstand and picked up the piece of paper where he had scribbled an address, but it was only then that Jane realised that there was no address written there at all, just the words "the same".

Edward studied at the piece of paper before looking at his wife,

"He means that he is still living on his fathers old plantation. I remember the address. To ask for this was very kind of you, I know he would have appreciated it. And if you say that he left still disappointed, I will write to him".

"Thank you"

"Thank you?" he laughed, "For goodness sake Jane, what ever do you have to thank me for in all of this?"

"For trusting me, for reassuring an old acquaintance on his deathbed, for coming home, for all of it".

"I'm sorry, love. My earlier anger was not because I did not trust you, or because I did not want you speaking to Mason. I have no secrets from you now, and nothing to hide- there is nothing even that Mason could tell you now that you do not already know".

"I know that. I imagine when Mason was in your life, and Berta was still alive, you lived in constant fear of someone discovering what you tried so desperately to hide, and such fear must have caused much anxiety. I understand your reaction"

"Then you were not sure if I would come home to you?"

He pushed Jane back gently onto the bed and watched her land amongst the pillows lightly. He climbed over her, smiling at her.

"You could no sooner do without me then the stars can do without night, Ms Rochester".

She grinned at him knowingly as he buried his face in her neck and kissed up from her collarbone to her jaw. Jane closed her eyes happily.

"Why are you wearing all of this?" Edward asked, bunching the fabric of her multiple nightgowns together. Jane laughed, pushing him away from her.

"It is incredibly inconvenient"

"For who?" Jane asked, eyebrow raised. Her husband smiled,

"Someone who very much wants to feel your skin on his".

She relaxed back into his embrace, her back pressed to his chest. He looked momentarily disappointed at her submission.

"I'm sorry Mr Rochester, but if you had been here all of last night I would not have needed them. You were gone, and I needed a different solution then your arms".

"Am I not enough warmth now?" he asked. Jane shook her head.

"Then, I will try warming you another way" he said, looking slightly mischievous.

In one swift motion, before she had really registered what he had said, Edward had left Jane's side and moved her on her back before pushing up her clothes. He wrapped his arms around her legs and gently pushed them apart, lowering his head between them. In an instant, pure pleasure flooded Jane's body radiating from her core. Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to draw a deep enough breath.

"Mmm" Jane moaned, throwing her head back into the pillow.

She grabbed a bunch of her husbands curls trying to grip something-anything to steady herself. She bucked up into his skilful mouth, but he guided her effortlessly back into place without breaking his concentration. Jane strained, contorting under him. She sighed heavily, drawing in another deep breath. She felt her face burn hotter, her core radiating heat through her whole body. She felt the tension expanding in her stomach, making her head pound with expectation.

He was other worldly, Jane thought to herself, not able to string more thoughts together.

Jane involuntarily cried out, surprising herself with the force of her scream. She covered her mouth quickly, closing her eyes and focusing very hard to stop another cry from bursting from her. Just as Jane felt herself tipping over the edge, Edward slowed his pace, and eased up on the pressure drastically. Blood rushed to Jane's head as she could for the first time comprehend how her body felt, simultaneously feather light and heavy as lead. The change in her husbands speed caused Jane to realise just how much her centre pulsed with desire for him. The need in her had been dulled by the prospect of fulfilment now pressed against her stomach painfully. His mouth teased her now, his tongue moving between her with care and control. He broke away from her, his kisses moving down to her legs.

Jane groaned in pure frustration, wishing for him to revert his attention to a more pressing area, but her noise of protest only made him smile against her skin. Edward never prolonged Jane's unhappiness in any sense for any reason, and so with her groan, he moved back to her core and placing his mouth around her most sensitive place and sucked with expert skill and precision. His pause in action had made every movement now far more intense.

A gentle hand moved to her stomach reassuringly. Jane gripped the fingers that lay there as the earth pulled from under her and split away, leaving her suspended in a void of uncertainty that could not be made known by touch. For a moment, the universe did not exist outside of what all-consuming sensation flooded her body- like drowning in a tub of warm water.

The next sensation Jane was aware of was Edward's hand on her face, his thumb caressing her eyebrow, his other hand holding the one that had fallen to her side. Jane squeezed his hand but said nothing, this particular lovemaking had left her completely undone, and completely removed from herself. She listened to her beating heart slow, and her breathing stabilise again before opening her eyes again.

Edward was smiling at her in a way she was incapable of describing, propped up on his arm effortlessly. His curls were messy, no doubt from Jane pulling on them. Some fell down in front of his face which looked more boyish then ever. The only sun in the world radiated from his face, the only thing tethering her to the world was him. She touched his chest thoughtlessly and sighed contentedly.

"Jane, can I tell you something?"

"Of course you can"

"I think you are the most beautiful person in the world"

"Do you?" she asked, touching a curl hanging in front of his eyes.

"Mhm, without a doubt in my mind. I sometimes wish you would not leave this house, or speak to another man for fear of him taking you away from me in realising what a gift you truly are".

"If you had not just made me feel immensely happy I would be very, very upset with you in this moment".

He grinned,

"What can I say? There is nothing enticing about me. A scarred, partially blinded, aged man who is grumpy and ill-tempered".

"I agree with everything, apart from aged. I cannot imagine you becoming aged- you are far too full of life and youth to become that. And besides, I will not allow it until I am old and grey too".

"I was being serious, Jane"

"I have just told you that I agree with everything apart from-"

"No, about you being the most beautiful person in the world. I mean it".

"But not the part about other men taking me away from you? Surely you must know after a year of marriage that I could no sooner be in love with another man than I could tear myself away from you".

He smiled again, his face filled with genuine love and humility.

"No" he answered softly, "Not with that part".

Jane moved the hair which stuck to her hot face and looked at Edward affectionately.

"You find me beautiful because you love me, not because I am any more striking than any woman".

"I do not care" he protested, "What of looks when you are brimming with heart and soul?"

"I am glad you still feel that way" Jane said, "For I would not like to think you married me for my looks. It would be a very shallow marriage, and indeed a very false one".

He laughed, burying his face in her stomach. She allowed him to lay there happily, for she was happier with him there too.

"You are very bad at taking compliments"

"That is because you are too good at giving them. I never know if I can trust you or not".

He fell to the side, pulling himself up to her level. Jane could see he was well amused, and happy, and that was all that mattered.

"I know when we married I said that I would never grow tired of you, and that I would always want you- morning, noon and night...but I did not know what I meant then like I do now. I have wanted you more and more, every moment of every day. I do not know how I passed a year, a week, a day, or even an hour without you before".

But Jane only shook her head.

"I am completely undone by you".

He drew her to his lips and kissed her deeply, Jane feeling every muscle in her body relax, and then instantly turn to nothing. Just when she was about to pull him closer, the sound of a crying child broke their moment and spun them back into reality. She pressed her forehead to her husbands, sighing.

"I'll get him"

"No, I can"

"I am dressed, and you certainly are not. I'll be back in a moment"

"Wait" he said, pulling her closer for one last kiss, "There".

Jane smiled,

"I am scared to stand up. I do not trust that after what you did to me this morning my legs can still stand my weight".

He laughed at her staggering out of bed before burying his face in the pillow.

Jane made her way, slightly unbalanced, out of her room and entered Henry's nursery next door.

"Good morning little fellow" she said, walking to his bassinet and scooping him into her arms affectionately.

"How did you sleep? Well, I think. I hardly heard from you all night. Your daddy is home, and he is very excited to see you".

She rocked him all the time she spoke to him, and his crying subsided. She kissed his cheek repeatedly as she carried him back to their room, his soft dark curls tickling her face.

When she opened her bedroom door she saw that Edward had pulled on a nightshirt and eagerly awaited his son. Jane smiled as she handed Henry to him.

"Good morning" Edward said, kissing him as Jane slouched into bed beside her family.

Edward drew his knees up to his chest and balanced Henry on his legs, watching his son curl his tiny fingers around his ring finger. He played with him as tenderly as any father had ever loved his son, and Jane wondered how she could have become so lucky to have them both in her life. She drew herself closer to her husband and placed her head on his shoulder. He turned and pressed his lips to her forehead, wrapping his arm around her so that she remained close to him.

Jane knew the unspoken words that passed between them were mutual gratitude for giving each other a family.

Jane kissed his shoulder before laying her head back down and looking into Henry's small face. He looked happy, and content. It was all Jane could ask for at present, especially given that Henry had so few ways of communicating with them. His eyes were bright, and his smile was the most precious thing in the whole world. She could look upon his face until the end of time.

"He has your eyes" Jane said, "And your hair, and your smile. I am so glad he is like you, and not like me".

"But he is like you" Edward objected, "He has your lips, and your small round nose, not to mention the shape of your face. I would know those features anywhere".

"Perhaps. But far more like you in more pronounced ways".

Edward sighed, shaking his head.

"You frightened me so much, Jane, during your pregnancy. I hated every moment where I watched you suffer, unable to help.

"All is well now" she corrected him quickly, "Look what the result was".

"I know, I know" he said, "But look at Mary. She will deliver soon, and she has faced nothing in comparison to you".

"Nothing physical like I did- but I had all the support in the world I could have hoped for from you, which is exactly what she needs right now. I would rather be sick then feel alone".

"Well, her baby will come soon and then she will be alone no longer, since you made her a promise we cannot go back on".

He screwed up his face at these words and Jane smiled, shoving his arm lightly.

"What is so very bad about staying as a guest at someone's house?"

He suddenly looked very serious and unamused as Jane laughed at him.

"My darling, when we are there a week and you come to me with your complaints, I fear you will find a very unsympathetic husband".

"Stop it, I will not. You married me and brought me into this world, Edward Rochester. House visits are not part of servant life".

"Ah, but you brought your wonderful family into our life, which is why we will be going in the first place".

"Well, there is no point in worrying about this now, we have time. And I do not intend to worry about it until we are on our way there".

At that moment there were three sharp knocks on the door.

"Pardon Sir, Ma'am, but there has been urgent news from the Franklin residence" Leah called hastily.

"Oh Christ" Edward groaned.


	121. Chapter 121

**Hello all!**

 **Hope you are all really well. It is getting into a busy time of year for me, but I am really excited for these upcoming chapters. This is a very long one, but there was lots I wanted to say, and lots of just Jane and Rochester. They are my favourite to write for.**

 **Thank you, again and again, for all your amazing support. Without people reading, and writing me their thoughts and feelings, I am not sure I would have the drive to keep writing. So thank you.**

 **I would _absolutely love_ if you would write me to tell me something you would like to see in the story coming up. I am looking for some wonderful ideas. **

**Lots of love,**

 **xoxoxox**

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Within half an hour the Rochester's were rushing around their home trying to pack up the necessary items for their stay at the Franklin's. Mary had had her baby, and although there were no details given yet as to how she or the baby was, it had all had gone well and Jane and Edward were requested to come straight away.

Jane found herself feeling suddenly very flustered. She was trying to deal with a crying Henry and a disgruntled husband while trying to organise the servants while they were away. The large body of servants did not need to stay at the house, only Leah and John would keep the general routines, so Edward went downstairs to relay the news while Jane packed, assisted by Jenny and some of the other female servants.

"We've got this miss, you attend to little Henry"

"Thank you Jenny" Jane said gratefully, picking up her son, "He has not been so bad in so long. He must know something about our long carriage ride up ahead".

"You know miss" pipped up one of the young new servants "my grandmother always tol' me that it was better to take two carriages when travelling, for if a man become' frustrated with his wife and crying child, he would have nowhere to go but the roof".

Jane smiled, "Thank you Josie, but I am afraid I will need Mr Rochester's help. I have never visited another persons house before as a guest and I am not quite sure what to expect".

" 'ave you not ma'am?" Josie asked, her big eyes looking even wider then normal as she surveyed Jane.

"No, never".

"But you are lucky, aren't 'ya that this is the Franklin's you are going to see, and not a complete stranger".

Jenny sent Josie a look that was meant to show that she went too far, and spoke too much, but Jane was not bothered by this line of questioning in the slightest.

"I am very lucky, Josie. I do not think I would be able to make it with a newborn child in a house of people I was not familiar with. But, Mr Rochester says he will help me, and I have faith in his promise".

"Of course you do miss" Jenny said confidently, closing the trunk containing all of Henry's clothes, "Mr Rochester never makes promises he cannot keep, not even to us servants".

"He is a good man" Jane agreed, "But we shall see how good he is after this long carriage ride".

The girls giggled at the way Jane spoke so freely of her husband, and soon were gone in bringing the trunks downstairs.

Henry continued to cry, and Jane walked him up and down the halls, bouncing him in her arms and shushing him while she waited for Edward to reappear.

"I know darling" she said to him reassuringly, "I know. How can mommy help you?"

But nothing helped. Jane tried nursing him, changing him, burping him, but nothing worked. She finally laid him down on her bed and stood over him, massaging her temple in an effort to stop the pulsing headache in her head from becoming any worse. But Henry continued to cry, and servants continued to rush up and down the corridor, and Jane felt overwhelmed. When the door opened and Edward stepped in, he saw Jane and came to her side, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Let me look after him for a few minutes, I will walk him up and down the halls. I'm sorry, I took too long downstairs, I know you've been trying to get a lot done up here and Henry has just been crying".

Edward drew his wife close to him and pulled her into a close hug, kissing her temple.

"Thank you"

"Just take a moment to yourself" he said, picking Henry up off the bed, "I have him for a little while". He kissed her forehead sweetly before walking out of her room, the sounds of Henry's crying becoming more distant as they moved down the corridor.

Jane put her hand on her forehead. It surprised her that the deep inhale of air into her lungs felt so foreign and strange. She indeed must have been rushing around. Swinging her arms, she walked over to her nightstand and bathed her face in some cool water that was sitting there. It felt refreshing, almost relieving all of the pent up stress in her body. She gripped either side of the nightstand and sighed, letting her shoulders fall.

But when she finally felt a genuine sense of calm move through her there was another hard knock at the door but this time she only smiled and shook her head.

"Ms Rochester, your trunks have been loaded. You are all ready to go".

Jane walked over to the door and pulled it opened.

"Thank you, very much John".

"Enjoy yourself, ma'am" he said warmly, "This is a wonderful opportunity to have some space away from your familiar routine. Enjoy it while you can".

Jane touched his shoulder, smiling.

"Thank you. I am going to try my very best. You and Leah will have everything you need?"

"Yes, very much. Mr Rochester has left us with some extra money for perhaps some extra sugar so that the ladies in the kitchen may make a pie for us while you are away. It was very good of you ma'am, thank you".

Jane smiled, "You should have much more then pie as a thank you, but please enjoy it, and take time to relax too. There will not be much to do while we are gone, and you deserve a break as well. Do not go looking for projects while we are away".

"Very well ma'am" he grinned, "I shall make sure Leah receives your message too".

"Please do" Jane smiled.

At that moment, Edward came around the corner holding a fussing, but comparatively quiet, Henry. Jane smiled at them and took her husbands arm as they made their way downstairs.

"Ready?"

. . . . . . . . . . . .

The Franklin Estate was not far from the Rochester's home, especially in this time of year when summer was in full bloom and the roads were clear and dry. Half a days ride was the maximum the journey would take, and in such favourable conditions it was more likely to take a shorter time. Henry, to Jane and Edward's great surprise, fell asleep in the first few minutes and lay contentedly in his carrier on the seat next to Edward. But Henry was not the only tired one. Edward stared out of the carriage window, his usually talkative self dulled by the temptation of sleep. His eyelids were heavy, and he rested his head on the side of the carriage.

Jane didn't mind. In fact, she felt a little guilty for how tired her husband was. He was the type of man who was almost never tired, able to stay up late into the night and get up early with no side effects. But he had spent the previous night travelling, and then when he got home he and Jane had talked so that he was restless, and he did not sleep well until morning. She was contented to sit in silence and just watch the scenery roll past. Even such peaceful silence seemed like such a blessing to her now.

Left alone with her own thoughts for long periods of time, Jane often felt an old sense of insecurity start to sneak up on her. It was silly, she told herself. She was going to stay with her cousin and her cousins husband, not strangers. And yet the experience felt oddly foreign to her. She was reminded in moments such as these that she was still a servant in so many ways, and not the lady of a large house. She knew that when she stepped out of the carriage she would feel guilty that a fellow servant at the Franklin's house would take her trunk and bring it up to a bedroom that another servant would clean and attend to. The whole thing felt uncomfortable, for she wished she could just wave the servants off, take her own trunk and clean her own room so they did not have to wait on her.

Within her own house, Jane had the luxury of being able to choose almost everything for herself as she wanted it. This often meant that she did things for herself that society did not necessarily encourage ladies to do. Jane nursed her own son, for example, and did not hire a wet nurse. She and Edward had not hired a nanny for their child, but rather took care of him on their own. Jane helped in the kitchens when she could, or helped the servants when she was able, and left the planning of meals to the kitchen staff so they had a freedom to cook what they also wished to eat, not just what she and Edward wanted. To Jane these things felt natural, and it was all she had ever known as a lady, but now she was going to visit a house that was traditionally very rigid, and did not know what to expect.

As the carriage travelled further from the Rochester home and closer to the Franklin's, Jane noticed a change in scenery too. Where her own house was, the land was marked by overgrown shrubbery, tall grass, beautiful natural trails, and tall ancient trees that covered the ground in its shade. Here, the land seemed much more contained, and far more consciously groomed. The grass was cut very flat to the earth. Tree's were replaced by carefully manicured hedges, and the paths were carefully laid with not a stone out of place. There was no sense of nature here, but rather of tamed wilderness. The whole place felt oddly meddled with. Jane did not know if she was being cynical, but it seemed to be too cautious and self conscious here for her.

The carriage, after some time, hit a rough bump in the road and Edward hit his head when he rested it, jolting him awake. Seeing a place she could be useful, Jane moved onto the other side of the carriage and slipped between her husband and the carriage so he could rest his head on her instead. He looked back very sleepily at Henry who was still resting and then at Jane.

"He has slept this whole time?" he asked, his voice full of sleep.

"Mhm"

He nodded and put his head on Jane's shoulder, taking her hand in his.

"Thank you" he muttered, referring to his new and far more comfortable head rest. But Jane only resumed her observance of the passing scenery with the same enthusiastic interest.

. . . . . .

More time passed before Edward woke again, but this time he woke far more alert and refreshed. He opened his eyes to see his wife looking peacefully out of the window, her mind not absorbed in an unhappy or tormented way. Her mind was always turning, that much he would always be sure of. He loved her endlessly for it, for they always had things to talk about, or feelings to express to one another. He was blessed beyond words for her.

Edward drew himself away from his wife's comfortable shoulder and she slowly turned upon him. That smile of hers- knowing and curious, transparent and mysterious. He could have looked upon her face until the end of time and never have grown tired of it.

"Can I be honest with you?" she asked, somewhat unexpectedly.

"Mmm" he prompted, looking deep into her eyes.

"I am very glad you are awake now because now I don't have to feel guilty for waking you"

"And why would you be doing something like that?" he asked, grinning.

"Because I was becoming extremely bored"

"I know, I'm sorry, I was just so tired-"

"No, no. I don't mean you sleeping. I meant that I did not want to wake you up by reaching over and grabbing my book".

"Oh Jane, please tell me you are joking"

But, the book on the opposite side of the carriage left untouched was proof enough. Jane blushed slightly, and he could not help but feel much affection for his all too considerate wife.

"I brought that book because I thought you would genuinely enjoy it!"

"Well it doesn't matter any more anyways" she continued, her blush not subsiding, "I wish you would tell me something I want to know instead"

"I will tell you anything you wish"

"Very well. Why do you not like going to stay as a guest in someone else's home? I know you said before that it was because you did not like the people you were staying with, which is very understandable. But these are our friends, and yet you are still reluctant to go. I cannot feel a little bit guilty for putting you through it if you dislike it so much".

He sighed, putting his arm around Jane's shoulder.

"House parties remind me of trying to escape a house that at one time I was forced to keep. Staying at other peoples houses, or roaming the globe looking for a temporary abode was a way for me to forget what the reality of my life was. I have no desire to flee from any part of my life now. My home is an exceptionally happy place. Besides, staying in other people's homes mean that you are at the mercy of their plans and their schedules. There are almost always multiple outings held when one goes for a house visit- balls, dances, card game nights, and as guests we could not really refuse those invitations".

"Are you sure?" Jane asked, her heart sinking "I did not know that"

Edward nodded, "Then there is dealing with unfamiliar servants, unfamiliar acquaintances, constant socialisation. In ones own house you are free to excuse yourself, if there is a reason, from the general company. As visitors, we will be sitting in the company of all the guests every night, every meal, and for every social outing".

Jane reflected on this, feeling more dejected then she was willing to admit. But as Edward looked over at her he sighed and shook his head, his attitude changing instantly.

"I'm sorry" he said softly, "I am being overly negative, especially where this is your first time attending a house party. I simply have a lifetime of negative encounters to make me cynical of the general experience. But I forget that we are going to visit not only friends, but family. I enjoy the company of these people very much, and I know why it is important we go".

Jane took her husbands hand and looked into his face.

"I know. Thank you for doing this, and thank you for being my support in all of this".

"This isn't for you, darling" he corrected her, "Diana and Mary are my family too. I want to do what is right, and correcting old habits and feelings is not a bad thing, especially if the old feelings are negative ones. But I do swear to be your constant support".

Jane kissed his cheek, slumping back into her seat.

"You know how much I dislike balls" she began, somewhat amused at herself and somewhat genuinely distressed. "I did not think of it, but you may be very right. Franklin was talking of how much he enjoys a ball, and I have no doubt that he would wish for an occasion to show it...".

Edward grinned to himself, trying to shadow his face from Jane.

"What?" she asked.

"I like them too now, admittedly" he replied, "I like seeing you dressed up, and surprising everyone with your insights of life as you are continually surprise me. Since I have no fear of losing you to another man it is very enjoyable for me to be a husband that people envy".

"Edward Rochester!" Jane said, jabbing him in the arm, "That is terrible for you to say"

But he was only laughing, "I am being serious Jane. I am proud of you, and seeing you show people why is wonderful for me".

"I feel the same way about you. And before you interject to say some disparaging remark of yourself I am telling you right now that you are not aloud to".

He looked like he was about to speak, but his face froze in mid objection when Jane stopped him and then relaxed into a smile.

"I suppose then the ball will not be so horrible after all".

After a few more minutes of talking Henry woke up, though Jane was thankful he did not cry. He only wanted to be fed, and in the privacy of the carriage far removed from anyone's view, this was very easy. Edward's arm was still around Jane and rested on the opened window, his hand hanging out easily. Henry nursed as Jane touched his angel soft hair affectionately.

"Are you worried about having Henry with us?"

"Not at all. I do not think he will cry as much as he did the first few months. He has been good recently".

"I bet there will still be some confusion as to why we did not leave him with a nanny".

"Well that simply isn't an option for us" Edward said plainly, "And besides, Diana, her husband or Mary will be expecting it"

"Mmm" Jane agreed, "I only hope he sleeps through the night. I do not want him waking anyone, or worse the whole house"

"I do not think that will be a problem" Edward answered knowingly "The houses in the Franklin's neighbourhood are large enough that you could have an army of crying babies and those on the opposite end of the house would never hear".

"Have you been here before?" Jane asked curiously.

"Not in this particular county, no. But I once knew a young man who was from here who did enough bragging of himself to paint a very vivid image of wealth. it would make sense. Like Eshon, Franklin inherited this home from an elderly uncle who died several years ago. It was shut up until very recently, when Franklin retired from the navy and married Diana".

"Speaking of houses..." Jane began, looking with slight hesitation at her husband, "I have been thinking about why Mr Mason wished to speak to you so desperately, and why when I asked him to leave his address he simply wrote 'the same'. I am assuming that he has no family to leave his estate to seeing as he never married and his sister did not bare any children. Could it be that he wants you to take care of his estate when he passes away?"

Edward did not speak for a while. Henry stopped feeding, and while Jane was redressing herself Edward took Henry into his arms and rocked him comfortingly. When he answered her, his voice was full of genuine truth.

"In all honesty I have considered the matter for myself and although I do not wish for it to be true, it may be the case. The reason I think he did not tell you his intentions, apart from the obvious, is that if he simply wrote me as his successor in his will, there would be nothing I could do legally to free myself from the obligation. He did not need to impart his intention to you because the law would bind me to action, even if you did pass on such news".

"And what would that entail?"

"Travelling to Jamaica, for one. That cursed, blackened land that brought on all the misery in my life. It would take weeks I am sure, perhaps even months to do the work needed to separate the slaves from the plantation and to sell it off, and that is once I had travelled the immense difference. I have no desire to get caught up in such a mess. I hate the idea of slavery, I always have. I could not even bring myself to look upon the violence of a plantation when I was there, let alone sell of a fellow creature once his master has died to another. I could not do that, Jane".

"I know you could not do such a thing" she sympathised, "But then what? If you would be legally tied to the obligation, what could be done?"

"I am not sure yet" he answered a little sadly, "But to leave you and Henry... to travel all that way when it is so dangerous...that is also impossible. But I refuse to worry about what is to come until it does. As of right now, all of that could be wrong and we would be worrying for nothing".

"I am not worried" Jane smiled, "I know you. I know how you are willing to sacrifice much of yourself for us, but you are unwilling to sacrifice your family. We will find a way to deal with whatever comes, if it does".

He drew her towards him by grabbing her chin between his finger and thumb and kissed her lovingly. She deepened the kiss, moving towards him and wrapping her arm around his neck. He responded instantly and effortlessly, his skillfull mouth no match for her. As the kiss broke she sat back, smiling with slightly heavy eyes at him.

"Now look who is tired" he said, smiling slightly.

But with the announcement a few minutes later that they would be arriving on the property soon, Jane gained a fresh energy and sat up a little straighter.

"I am not coming apart, am I?" she asked, not able to see what she looked like after the long journey and breastfeeding in between.

"Far from it" was the honest reply, "You look beautiful, as always".

"Thank you. And as handsome as I think you always look your hair could use some attention" Jane said kindly, "Have you your pocket comb on you?"

He fished in his pocket and pulled it out, handing it to Jane willingly. From their position on the seat it was awkward for Jane to properly manoeuvre his hair around the comb, but the job she did sufficed and she was happy with her now presentable husband.

"Very good" she said, smiling at him.

"Jane Rochester?"

"Hm?"

"Have I told you today how much I love you?"

"Yes" she said, smiling.

"Then I will say it again. Ms Rochester, I love you".

"I love you, more and more every moment" she replied.

Jane did not always repeat that she loved him when he told her that he loved her, for she knew that her withholding it from him occasionally made it that much sweeter when she did say it. Jane had known from the moment they had become engaged that it was an all too true reality that they could easily sink into a bathos of sentiment in each others presence. Though it was near impossible, at times she teased him rather than pleased him and doted on him. She knew it balanced them out, and more importantly, she knew that he could be in no doubt of her constant and ever-growing affection, whether she teased him or not.

It was often on Jane's mind that having a new baby had the potential to instantly drive a wedge through less bonded couples. She could see it now far more clearly then when she did not have a child, for the demands placed on taking care of a baby were never-ending. Edward was always engaged as a father, always wanting to help and doing so without being prompted. Jane felt exceptionally lucky for this, but considered that for a women with a more traditionally detached husband, she may feel completely isolated and alone in the world. How easy would it be so spend all day with your child, attending to their needs, and crawl into bed at night so exhausted that no words would pass between her and her husband in a day. Overtime that routine would not simply be a non-communicative day, but the standard for life. Crawling into bed and saying nothing would be what was expected.

This life was immensely hard for Jane to picture for herself, but easy to imagine for so many women. When she expressed this to Edward she was always meet with a similar seemingly obvious response, that any good father and husband would never leave his wife in such a place. But Jane knew her husbands good and kind heart lead him to oversimplify and misunderstand, because to him the answer was simply painfully obvious.

. . .

Edward had been right. The houses here were huge, immaculately kept, and ancient establishments. The old drives leading to even older houses held every ounce of impressiveness but hardly any character or warmth. They were all built of a similar stone grey, with large powerful facades. Glittering lakes sometimes decorated the front of estates but more often it was a tall fountain at the head of the drive.

There was no movement here, no sign of life. Jane wondered how Diana had felt arriving here for the first time. It was so different from the little cottage she had once shared with her sister, and then with Jane- that house had been the only home the Rivers sisters had ever known. Though life was stark there in appearance, it was warm in truth. There was movement behind the rough exteriors, neighbours meet on the road to talk of life, children ran around them happily. Here, these homes held no sign of habitation- rather only held the acknowledgement of wealth and prominence.

Some half an hour later the driver announced loudly over the sound of the wheels on gravel that they had entered the Franklin's estate. Jane leaned forward expectantly to look out of the carriage window, her conversation with her husband distracting her from noticing much in terms of their new temporary home. Not to Jane's surprise, the Franklin house was similar in every way to the ones that surrounded it. The house was huge, elegant, and impressive standing on the base of a small incline the drive was set on. The cloudless sky hanging overhead was a cold steel grey stretching as far as the eye could see.

"Here we are" Edward said, taking Jane's hand, "Home, for a little while at least".

When the carriage pulled up in front of the house a distinguished looking man of perhaps fifty came out and opened the door, helping the travellers down onto the walk. Edward got out first and then turned to help his wife descend with Henry in her arms. Instantly there were a flurry of servants all dressed in the same immaculate uniform coming out to help unload the trunks. Jane stepped closer to her husband, a little surprised at the amount of attention they were receiving.

"You must be Mr Rochester" the butler said to Edward; he nodded politely,

"Indeed I am" he said, "This is my wife, Ms Jane Rochester and our son, Henry".

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance ma'am. Now if you will come this way I will have you shown to your rooms. Have you travelled a long distance? The roads were dry, I trust"

"A little less then half a day" Edward responded placing his guiding arm around Jane's waist, "Favourable roads made it a pleasant drive".

But Jane had the impression that the Butler was not listening for the answer to his question.

As they entered the foyer Jane's jaw nearly dropped. Though she was not particularly stirred or moved by wealth, the majesty of this home was undeniable.

The foyer was an immense space that was almost completely empty, apart from its heavy ornamentation. The very light sea foam green walls were heavily detailed with white mouldings depicting classical scenes from ancient Greece and Rome. Large inlays were cut out of the walls to house statues also depicting Greek and Roman hero's- swords drawn and lion-skin adorned. Large floor to ceiling columns were dotted around the outline of the room, and white marble balustrades wrapped around a winding staircase that lead upstairs. Thick wooden planks of a medium toned wood ran along the floor and yet the intricately moulded ceiling pulled ones eyes upwards. The craftsmanship of the room was impressive, but Jane could see no sign of habitation. Everything was perfectly in order, everything laid exactly in its proper place.

The butler continued to lead the Rochester's upstairs to their bedroom, revealing how expansive the house truly was. High windows meant that much light entered the upstairs gallery. Being white, the light bounced around the room so that one had the feeling they were being engulfed by some blaze of white fire. The light was not warm, but rather garish and striking. Jane found it oddly quiet here, and it was strange that there had been no greetings from her cousin or Captain Franklin. There was not even the noise of servants bustling about.

They were eventually brought into a room at the very end of the gallery and left to unpack their things before they were to be brought down to the rest of the party.

The bedroom they had been assigned was huge with a large domed ceiling that was highly decorated with angels sitting on the moon and amongst the stars. A very high bed was set in the middle of the room with heavy red curtains that fell around it. There were no windows in this room, but the walls were painted a dark forest green, matching the darkly star covered ceiling. The side tables were gold, as were bookshelves on which very few books rested. The fireplace was located in the very corner of the room, and if it were not summer Jane could be positive the sleeper in this room would freeze during the night- for its size was not proportionate with the sheer space of the room. An equally golden ornate crib had been placed in the room as well, which Jane considered was a very thoughtful addition for Henry.

Jane turned to look at Edward and immediately broke down into laughter. His face was screwed up in disbelief at the mural painted on the ceiling. As his eyes fell onto his laughing wife he shook his head, looking with great disdain at the ornate room that was so far from his own tastes.

"I thought I had lived a thousand lives, Jane, compared to some. Yet I can say with certainty that I have never slept in a bed with heavy red curtains draping it, nor with a golden headboard. I've also never slept under the watchful eye of- what are these meant to be, angels?".

Jane put her hand over her mouth, trying in vain to stifle her laughter.

"I'm serious!" he said, but he was smiling now.

. . .

After unpacking their things, which was narrated by Edward pointing out every obscenely decorated item in the room, Jane, Edward and Henry went downstairs to greet Diana and Captain Franklin. They were brought to a room on the first floor again off the large foyer, and inside sat Diana cross-stitching and Franklin looking out of the window expectantly. When footsteps were heard on the threshold they both turned to look at their company.

"Hello!" Diana called, springing out of her chair and running to greet them. Franklin's face stretched into a smile too, and he soon was at their side asking hurried questions of how the journey was, how Henry was doing, how they were. Jane felt very happy to be with her family again. She never thought she would grow tired of hearing her own mind pronounce that she had family to speak of.

"How is Mary?" Edward asked, passing Henry to Diana when she held out her arms for him.

"She is very well" Franklin answered, "The surgeon said she had an excellent delivery. It was a boy".

Jane beamed, "What is his name?"

"She has not named him yet, mostly she has been sleeping. We sent word for you right away, as soon as she went into labour, so she is still recovering. Our nurse, Megan, has been with the baby since".

"I am so relieved" Jane said, "I was worried her delivery would be difficult. I did not want to say too much of it in detail before to her, for I did not wish to frighten her".

"Well you would worry, wouldn't you Ms Jane?" Franklin asked happily, "I am sure you remember all too well what it was like to go through the process yourself".

Jane nodded, "Our darling Henry was worth it, but I do not think I shall forget it soon".

Diana and the Captain smiled a good-natured smile before Diana sighed happily,

"Well, we shall have plenty of help around here now, and much support for Mary. With Mary, me, you Jane, and Anne I do not think the baby will have time to sleep in a place that is not someone's arms".

"Anne?" Jane asked in confusion

"Oh yes!" the Captain said, "Rochester, I forgot to tell you that I invited your friend Eshton along. He told me upon departing from your home that he would be in London for a few weeks and Anne suggested stopping with the house party on the way back to see the new baby. I hope you do not mind".

"Of course I do not!" Edward said, a relieved gratitude detectable in his voice onto to Jane, "I think it wonderful".

"And" Diana rejoined, "That means that you, Jane Rochester, will have some time free from Henry to relax. There is much help here, and you work so hard. I am sure your husband would agree you need the break".

"My husband deserves an equal break" Jane answered honestly. Edward shot her a meaningful sideways glance.

"You shall both have it" Franklin said confidently, "While you are here as my guest you shall want for nothing. Speaking of, dinner is announced and I am too hungry to wait any longer".

Henry was handed back to Jane and they proceeded into the dining room happily.


	122. Chapter 122

Dinner passed in ease, but in truth Jane was anxious to speak with Mary and to get to bed. She found herself struggling to stay fully alert at the dinner table as conversation buzzed by her, going in one ear and out the other. Edward gave her hand a squeeze under the table from time to time when she suspected her eyes started to drift closed, but everyone else at the table was too engaged in happy conversation to notice. Once the plates had been cleared away, Edward and Franklin went into the drawing room for a drink while Jane and Diana moved into the sitting room to talk.

"Your house is quite spectacular" Jane said as they walked the long distance from the dining room to the sitting room.

"I did not know this is what the house looked like before I moved here. Mr Franklin had never taken me here, you see. It is rather extravagant to me, even after being here for months now. Do you find it too intimidating?"

"No" Jane lied, not wishing to hurt her cousins feelings, "Though it is rather impressive".

"I find it intimidating" Diana answered plainly, "You know the house I was raised in- the house you lived in for a year. It certainly wasn't like this".

But Jane only smiled,

"I felt that way when me and Edward first moved to our house. Still, in truth, I feel that way at times. I am not sure it will ever go away for me".

As they entered the sitting room, Jane was struck by how elaborate even the most comfortable space in the house was meant to be. The walls were a soft pink, the windows floor to ceiling, but covered in an intricate stained glass that made the light in the room patchy as different coloured lights landed in different places. The couches were white and stiff, very clean, and stationed in the middle of the large room. An ornate rug was laid under the couches and large portraits hung on the back wall. Light, most likely from the opposing windows, had caused them to fade over time, their once brilliant colours dulled significantly.

"But yours and Mr Rochester's house is, well...I'm not sure. It is difficult to describe. It is personal, and warm, despite being large and beautiful. There is a different atmosphere there, like everyone under the room if content. I am not sure what is happening under this roof half of the time".

"You have not been here long, Diana. You need to give yourself time to make this place your own. I imagine within these large homes it is easy to lose your sense of self. Time will straighten out all those unsure bumps and soon your house will feel like mine does to me".

Though Jane considered that these words may not have been entirely true as they sat opposite each other. This house seemed to hold bits and pieces of all the previous owners rather than show the the character of those people who lived in it at present. It was like the old and faded portraits of the wall had more permanence in the house than the current owners. Perhaps it would have been more honest to say that when Diana would abandon the idea of this house ever feeling like a home to her, she would feel much better.

"Is this room yours?" Jane asked knowingly,

"Indeed" Diana responded, "Captain Franklin never comes in here. He does not like the pink walls, nor the oddly large portraits of people he does not know or remember. In a way it is strange, they give me a sense of familiarity in this home when not much else does, for I look upon their faces frequently and know them well".

"I can imagine" Jane replied, "So you do enjoy your time alone in here?"

"Very much. I often will write to you or Mary in here, very occasionally I will read...mostly I do some cross stitch perhaps, and sometimes I just enjoy the silence"

"That sounds wonderful" Jane admitted, "I am so sceptical of silence now, for I only get silence when Henry is asleep, and admittedly that is not for much of the day"

Diana smiled, "But seeing you as a mother is the most natural thing in the world, apart from seeing you as a wife. You are excellent, especially given you had no mother to show you the way"

"Perhaps that is why I am the way I am" Jane suggested, "Because I could not bare the thought of my child going through what I did without parents".

"It is a burning shame, Jane. But I am glad for how well you have come out on the other side. Me and Mary could not be more thankful you came into our lives"

"You tell me you are thankful of me when you two gave me a family! I shall never be able to repay you for that. But tell me" Jane prompted, hearing Mary's name, "How are things between you and Mary?"

"Very good" Diana said, sounding resolved, "Very good. Since she has moved back here with me and Captain Franklin I have found my old sister underneath all that she has been through. We have even laughed together at length. I have a friend here now, and in many ways she has made me feel infinitely better. The only thing I could wish for to complete my happiness is you, and now you are here".

She learned forward and wrapped her arms around Jane who reciprocated the hug with equal enthusiasm.

"I am so happy we get to visit you here"

"Was Edward very unhappy to leave your house?"

"No, he wishes to be here. Besides, he slept most of the way so he did not have time to ponder the situation at length"

"Did he indeed?" Diana laughed, "I can only imagine".

Jane grinned, but then a thought crossed her mind that had only just occurred to her.

"Have you written St John, Diana?"

The happiness slipped from Diana's face to be replaced by thoughtfulness. She interlocked her fingers on her lap and shrugged.

"I have said nothing yet, for I did not know what to say- or if I should say anything at all. I wished to know your thoughts on the matter before I acted"

"I was thinking of it too on the way over, for I had a feeling that you would not have made any decision yet".

"Tell me your thoughts Jane. I very much value what you think".

Jane reflected, and spoke at long last after she had gathered her thoughts as neatly and honestly as she could.

"I cannot consider the thought of St John thinking ill of his sister, even though this new child was not her choice, and not within her power. I do not want him to spend his days praying for the soul of someone who does not need saving. St John will never return home to England, of that I am sure. He told me over and over how he would die doing God's work, and I never doubted him. What does he gain in us conveying this information to him across lands and oceans? He will never look upon his nephews face, nor will he look upon Henry's face. I do not even know if he was aware I was ever pregnant, or had a son. We hear from him so infrequently, and this story would take much distance and time to explain. Perhaps it is better to leave this out of our letters, when he does manage to return one of them to us. He only wishes to know of our comfort, and we are all comfortable. That is what matters".

Diana nodded slowly as she listened, but when Jane finished she nodded vigorously.

"I agree completely with you" she said "And I fear that even if we did tell him, I would not know what to say. Especially since we have done nothing yet to find out the man that did this"

"Edward and Eshton have been looking tirelessly into it" Jane said, regretful that she did not have a more satisfying answer.

"Oh, please do not think that I believe them to be doing a poor job. I think quite the opposite-"

"I know" Jane interjected quickly, "I know. Edward is certainly determined enough, and Eshton has more connections within town then I am sure I could name five of. It is simply proving to be very difficult to track him"

"Well we will" Diana said confidently, "And then we can place all of this behind us".

But as her sentence ended, she looked back up at Jane cautiously.

"Have you seen Father Andrew recently?"

"No" Jane answered, "I have not. I last saw him the night before you all left my house, and that was weeks ago now. It is very strange, I thought he would come and see us more frequently then he has".

"Perhaps he finds it too difficult" Diana offered, "After all, I do not think we can deny that there was some level of attraction between them, and had circumstances been different..."

But her sentence ended quickly, and she looked at the hands folded in her lap quietly.

The door opened at that moment and Edward and Franklin came in, looking deeply engrossed in their conversation. Jane noticed a determination on her husbands face that was natural when he had a goal to achieve, but the same look of determination on Captain Franklin's face was foreign, and strange to see. When they looked up at their wives, Franklin smiled.

"What is it you ladies are speaking of?" he asked, sitting next to Diana.

"Whether or not to write St John of the current situation here, with Mary's pregnancy and now her delivery".

Edward sat beside Jane, an audible grunt issuing from him. He never did like the mention of St John's name.

Franklin shot his friend a knowing look and smiled ever so slightly.

"What was that for Rochester?"

"St John Rivers is not my favourite name in the world to hear, for obvious reasons. I'm sorry Diana, I mean no offence"

"I know" she said, giving Jane an amused look, "I cannot say I would expect you to like a man who almost took away your wife's happiness forever"

"Why?" Franklin asked, confused.

"St John begged Jane to marry him" Diana answered, looking at Captain Franklin beside her, "He was ever as adamant as Mr Rochester here ever was"

"You are joking" Franklin said, but Edward did not look so interested or engaged by this line of questioning.

"It is true. He asked me more than once".

"Huh, is that so? And why did you not accept"

"For an obvious reason, I would have thought" Edward piped up, sounding now less then impressed.

Jane only laughed, "Though my husband sounds far more bitter about it then I feel, it was for the obvious reason that I still loved Edward very much and if I could not marry him I did not want to marry anyone else ever".

"Besides" Diana added, "St John, as kind-hearted as he is, would have been a horrible husband to Jane. By nature he is cold and private, too practical for sentiment of any kind. He only ever wished to marry her because he thought she would be a good companion to him in India"

Edward rubbed his forehead and Jane took his hand without thinking.

"I had known what it was to be loved fully and completely for who I was in spite of rank, fortune and situation in life. I could not sacrifice that kind of love for a far more shallow one, no matter what the cost for myself would have been. St John is an honest man, but not the type of man who would have been good for me".

Franklin crossed his legs and took a sip from the wine glass in his hand. He looked thoughtful as he surveyed the two people sitting across from him.

"Well, I cannot say I am surprised. I have never meet a couple more naturally in tuned. My Diana and I are still working on our communication, but you two seem to have never needed to practice- like sharing your lives is instant" he said.

Edward smiled, "Easier than breathing".

The small squeeze Jane's hand received was all the comfort in the world she needed.

"You know, it does not make it easy to be a new couple around you" Diana teased, "It makes one feel ever so self conscious about their relationship"

"In fairness, I never expected it for myself either" Jane said truthfully, "I certainly did not go in search of it, plain, poor servant as I was".

"That is the beauty of love, I suppose" Franklin commented, "You cannot go in search of it"

"You can" Edward corrected him, "Though at a terrible cost that no one should be willing to pay".

"Speaking of!" Franklin said, an evil smirk curving his face, "Did you hear that Lady Marcus is pregnant?"

"Lady Marcus?!" Edward asked incredulously, "As in the former Blanche Ingram?"

"The very same" Franklin said, unable to hide his grin now.

"You are not serious. Good God, I thought she was only in it for the money"

"Of course she is" Franklin answered, "But now it seems she is with child under rather strange circumstances".

Diana raised her eyebrow at her husband's evasive answer, so he continued.

"Lord Marcus has been out of the country since our wedding five months ago. All sources have claimed that he has been in Wales on a hunting trip since, not having come home for any reason. And yet, his clever wife is three or so months pregnant, just showing. It has caused a massive stir in London".

"It cannot be true" Diana pipped up, "The way she was acting at our wedding was as if she was the most honourable woman in all London society, surely she would not let this scandal happen"

"You would be surprised" Edward said, "Her sister, also a prised jewel of the English court according to their mother, was found in the room of a young man last year in Manchester, and servants were sent from her house to retrieve her. Apparently it was a very ugly scene. If you ask me, I would guess that she tried to get pregnant in order to secure a marriage for herself. Jane is aware of the sisters motives, for Blanche attempted it on me. They are beautiful, yes, and they come from an old family name, but in truth their fortunes are small and their wealth is mostly talk. Blanche perused me for nearly five years in order to secure my families large fortune, but when I caused a rumour to reach her saying my fortune was not half of what she originally suspected, she dropped me overnight. That whole family is corrupt, and I would not be surprised if Blanche landed herself in an unsavoury spot".

"Blanche tried to marry you?" Franklin asked in disbelief

"She tried very hard" Edward replied,

"And she was not subtle in it either" Jane said, smiling.

"What do you mean?" Franklin asked,

"Well, I did particularly like the way she referred to you as "Edwardo" from time to time" Jane said, looking up at her husband, "Very romantic"

"No!" Diana objected, "You are exaggerating"

"Blanche was very determined to have him propose. She was already planning rearrangements of furniture in Thornfield, talked of choosing which maid's to take with her when she moved- I even think that she delayed plans in London at the prospect of a proposal"

"Well, anyways, she should have known that a proposal would not happen if I had done nothing, or said nothing to lead her on and it had been five years, but that is it", Edward shrugged.

"You must have loved witnessing that, Jane" Captain Franklin said, smiling.

"If he was foolish enough to make that choice in marriage, he deserved to be miserable with her forever" Jane said frankly. Edward chuckled but Jane added, "I was not worried".

"Well, hopefully we will see Lady Marcus at a ball here, if you are up for one" Franklin said, "She is always in attendance. I would love to see her face with you two around"

. . . . .

As Jane was returning to her room for the night she stopped in front of Mary's door and listened. There was the sound of movement in the room, and despite the claim that Mary was asleep and did not wish for any visitors, Jane knocked lightly on the door and pushed it opened.

Mary was sitting up in bed, looking forward at the wall as if in deep thought. When the door clicked shut, Mary turned on her cousin and smiled more genuinely than Jane was expecting. She said hello, and indicated a chair next to the bed that Jane could sit in.

"Thank you for coming, and so quickly" Mary said, "I really do appreciate it".

"Of course! And how is the new mommy?"

"Oh, she is doing well, I think"

Jane stood up out of her chair and hugged Mary very tightly.

"Mary, I am so proud of you. Look at you! You did one of the hardest things, bringing a child into the world. Women are meant to be strength and love, and you are overflowing with it now".

Mary looked almost as if she could not take such a compliment, but she smiled regardless and nodded.

"Thank you, truly. You helped me Jane, so much. All of our conversations when I was staying at your house reassured me, and made me feel okay. I do not think I could have done it without you".

Jane squeezed her hand and sat on the side of the bed.

"I have been told that you have not yet chosen a name for him?"

"No" she answered a little more softly, "I have not been able to think of one. Do you think that is terrible of me?"

Jane shook her head, "Me and Edward did not know what Henry's name was going to be when he was born".

"And how long did it take you to decide?"

Jane thought for a moment,

"You know, I cannot really remember. I do not think it was long, a day perhaps?".

"The problem is that sons are mostly they are named after their fathers, or some other family member that is important. I have none to name him after".

Jane rubbed her arm,

"That may be a tradition, but it is not required. Edward did not want his son to have the same name as him, so we chose a name we both liked, and that meant something to us. If you do the same, he will be no worse off".

"Well, when I see him next I will look into his face and see what possibility for a name is there"

Jane smiled, "Exactly. Speaking of, where is he? I should love to see him"

"He is downstairs with the nurse. Diana and Captain Franklin thought I should relax today, and get some sleep. They may have been right, I feel exhausted".

"Then do not let me keep you any longer" Jane said quickly, sliding off the bed. "I remember how tired I was at first, and your sleep is very important. I shall see your little one tomorrow"

"Jane" Mary said quickly, catching her arm as she moved away from the bed, "I do not mean to rush you out-"

"Of course you do, I should think me a very bad cousin indeed if you did not feel like you could throw me out of your room when you are tired. I shall see you tomorrow".

And she was gone.

. . . . . . .

When Jane had re-entered her bedroom down the hall she just walked in to see Edward lowering their sleeping son into his crib. When he had stepped away and looked at his wife, Jane approached him smiling.

"You know, I do not think I have ever wanted to kiss you more than in this moment?"

He laughed, "I thought getting him to sleep before you returned would put me in your good graces"

"You are always in my good graces" she confirmed,

"Doesn't hurt to keep myself there" he said, kissing her cheek sweetly. Jane squeezed his arm where she gripped him before she stepped away to undress for bed.

Edward was in before her, wasting no time in crawling into bed. But almost as soon as he had lay down he pulled himself into a seated position, stretching slowly.

"I am very stiff from sleeping in the carriage today" he explained as Jane got into bed beside him. She placed her hand on the back of his neck and massaged it gently. He leaned back into her fingers and closed his eyes, groaning softly.

"Better?"

"Mm".

As Jane took away her hand a few minutes later he opened his eyes, looking at the ceiling.

"Those blasted angels" he said angrily, "From his position it looks as if they are looking directly into my face".

Jane sunk down into the bed laughing,

"Pull the curtains closed and you will not see them. Problem solved!"

"More like they will not see us" he said, following her advice and pulling the thick red curtains shut around the bed.

The light was instantly sucked out of the space, making it impossible to see anything inside the coverings of the bed. Jane felt her husband turn onto his stomach and move over her and when he spoke, his voice was full of humour.

"Well Jane, I think I will kiss you goodnight now and turn in. Wait, where is your face so that I may kiss your cheek briefly. Show me, I would not want to miss your cheek and plant a kiss somewhere else instead".

She knew he mocked the people who normally would have slept in this bed, pointing out that laying inside these curtains meant they would not see each other at all, and that this was perhaps the point of such heavy curtains.

"Goodnight" she said, reaching up and pecking his lips feather lightly. He did not seem happy.

"No, no" he said, turning her onto her back when she moved onto her side, "Talk with me, talk of anything. If I can't see you then I wish to at least hear your voice".

"Edward! Go to sleep. You slept too long today in the carriage, now you are wide awake, and it is quite late".

"Maybe" he agreed, "But more importantly I enjoy having you near me"

"I shall be near you the whole night" Jane pointed out

"You know that is not what I meant".

She sighed, reaching up and pushing the curtains of the bed opened again so she could see him.

"Darling, go to sleep"

"Kiss me first"

"I already did"

"It will help me go to sleep"

"It will not-"

"I think it will"

Jane looked into his eyes, boyish and serious as much as they were playful and light. She pulled him down to her mouth by the fabric of his nightshirt and kissed him deeply, having no desire to deprive herself of the sensation of his mouth. He buried his hand in her long curly hair and drew his other hand up her leg slowly. Jane stopped him just as he reached the top and broke the kiss, looking up into his face.

"Goodnight darling"

He smiled at her, his eyebrow raised.

She took his arm and wrapped it around her waist before cuddling into his frame, her back pressed to his stomach. He lay back, planting a kiss in her hair before holding her closer to him in a tight embrace. Jane was asleep before she could count to ten.


	123. Chapter 123

The following day Jane woke up to the sound of Henry wailing. It was not very early, and yet it was early enough that it was only the servants up and moving. Jane untangled herself from Edward's arms and quickly made it to Henry before his crying could reach too loud a volume. Edward lazily rolled over, rubbing his eyes and blinking himself awake slowly.

"What is wrong?"

"He needs to be changed" Jane said, bringing him over to the bed. Edward kissed his son good morning and sat up, looking groggy and oddly dishevelled.

"Edward, hold him. I am going to grab his changing things".

Within ten minutes all was right again, and Edward and Jane were free to cuddle their son in bed. Jane had decided it was not worth going back to sleep, and so she and her husband simply talked. Never for a moment did Jane take these instants in life for granted. She was fully aware that in time, perhaps no time at all, these memories would become indescribably precious to her because she would not be able to get them back again. These were lived, fleeting, passing moments that if one was not conscious of, then their whole life would pass them by and only then would they realise how much they had truly missed. Jane tried desperately hard to lock every element of the memories in the back of her mind so that she could recall it later, but she was interrupted by the warm familiar voice that was her whole world.

"I have a confession" Edward said, sitting up and looking at his wife holding Henry in her lap. It made Jane uneasy that he looked the slightest bit like he was to blame for something.

"Go on"

"You are not going to like it"

"Why?" she asked, "You sound serious".

"I am, but it is not bad. Well, perhaps for you it will be"

"Edward you are frightening me".

"Don't be silly Jane, I would never allow anything bad to happen to you. Yesterday when I was talking to Captain Franklin he accidentally let something slip. Diana and Mary told Anne that it is your birthday in the upcoming weeks and they thought that while we were all here together they would throw you a party"

"No" Jane moaned, her forehead falling onto her husbands shoulder, "Please tell me you are teasing"

"Not teasing, I am telling you in advance because I know you would want to know. You cannot tell them you know of the party, though. Then they will know it was me who told you"

"But I do not want a party" Jane said, pulling her face up to look at Edward, "I do not mean to sound ungrateful but I do not need one. It would only be a waste"

"No it wouldn't darling, everyone wants to celebrate your life-"

"Are you in on this Edward Rochester?"

"No" he answered quickly, "I know you well enough as your husband to always respect your wishes. Tell me, what did I do last year for your birthday?"

Jane sighed, "You said 'Happy Birthday darling, I will give you a singular birthday kiss and I will not mention it again', and I appreciated that very much"

"Though I would have liked to give you _far_ more" he proceeded still sounding slightly annoyed that he could not give Jane any large gesture, "I knew you wanted nothing else so I left it".

Jane pouted slightly, and Edward laughed deeply.

"Jane darling, a pout looks quite foreign on your face".

But she did not laugh with him, and so he sunk back into quiet thoughtfulness as he observed her.

"Should I tell Franklin how much you would prefer not to have a party thrown for you?"

"No" Jane said, shaking her head, "No, the girls will look forward to planning it, and perhaps it will have Mary up and moving. Besides, Franklin says he likes hosting so much, perhaps this will give him a reason to be able to"

"And?"

"And what?"

"It is meant to be a good thing for you too Jane! Not for everyone besides yourself".

Jane nodded, a blush already burning her cheeks at the thought of what the party may entail. Edward touched her cheek affectionately and smiled his irresistible sideways grin at her.

"I love you"

"Mmm, I love you" Jane replied, "And thank you".

He winked at her and picked Henry up from her lap, smiling at him.

"Your mother is impossible" he teased, kissing his cheek affectionately.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Shortly after breakfast the Eshton's arrived at the Franklin Estate. Again, Diana or Captain Franklin did not come to the door to greet their guests, rather the Eshton's were brought to their room first and then to the room where the Rochester's and Franklin's waited and chatted. Anne hugged Jane and Diana very tightly as Mr Eshton greeted his old and new friend with seeming equal excitement.

"Town has finished me" he announced, "I am done with the whole lot there. I could do with country living for a very long time".

Anne rolled her eyes at Jane and Diana, announcing lowly that Mr Eshton only decided he didn't like it when he tripped in a square and fell in some muck on the road shortly before departing. They all laughed softly together and Eshton glanced over suspiciously.

"Where is Mary?" Anne asked louder this time, "And where is her baby? What was his name?"

"He hasn't gotten a name yet" Diana said, "She is still deciding".

"And hello Ms Jane Rochester" Eshton said, walking up to Jane and bowing.

"Morning Mr Eshton"

"You look well, I trust that you are?"

"Very much so, thank you. I heard you admit you are finished with town living for a while, but are you as finished with your duties as magistrate?"

"No, I quite enjoy them!" he said, "But of course you know that, you are as good as any gypsy woman at predicting the future. You told me that you thought I would enjoy it as much as I do".

Jane smiled,

"I can only say that I am very glad, and thankful"

"Why? Because it keeps me out of politics?" Edward asked, stepping up behind them.

"Only possibly" Jane said, grinning at her husband.

"Then old Rochester here is treating you well?"

"Eshton, you are a year younger than I"

"That is a whole three hundred and sixty five days older. That is a lot".

Edward rolled his eyes and Eshton looked back to Jane for her reply.

"Edward is always very good to me. I could not ask for a better husband"

"I must be honest, for keeping him in check I am sure that you deserve far more"

"I do not know how true that is" Rochester piped up, "Though I am sure the same could be said for Ms Eshton, who seems to have patience for all your projects and ideas that I never could have"

"That is because you never had my vision"

"More like I had common sense that you did not"

Eshton smiled and clapped his old friend on the shoulder.

"I am very glad to see you again, and to see you so happy. I know, Jane, it is all due to you and master Henry".

"Come on you lot" Franklin called abruptly, "A light lunch is waiting for us"

. . . . . . . . . . .

When lunch was finished the girls all went upstairs to see Mary, who was in good spirits, and very happy to see them all. Her newborn son was brought into her when they were settled after a few minutes by a young-looking nurse, and Mary held him in her arms with a slight new-mother awkwardness.

"I am not sure what to do" she admitted, looking to Jane.

"Here" she said, walking over and positioning Mary's arm in a more comfortable way so that she could hold him better, "Just like that"

"Where is little Henry?" Mary asked,

"With his father" Jane replied, "I do not know where though".

"I thought he may want to know his cousins name" she said, smiling at those assembled around her bed.

"Go on! Tell us" Diana prompted,

"This is Daniel Rivers" she said, smiling at him lovingly.

"That is beautiful, Mary" Jane said, rubbing her shoulder,

"I love it" Anne assured,

Mary smiled, "I wanted a biblical name for him, and I liked this one best".

"It is perfect. Daniel Rivers, it has a very nice ring to it, I think" Jane said.

Mary's demeanour stayed with Jane for the rest of the day. Mary did not come down to supper, for she was still healing and resting, but her spirits were high and she had begged the ladies to come back up and see her as soon as dinner was finished. This they did while the men were still downstairs, but Jane retired to bed shortly afterwards, too tired from the previous nights poor sleep while adjusting to a new bed.

Jane settled herself for bed before she rocked Henry for so long that she had to constantly remind herself not to fall asleep in the chair. She rubbed her eyes often, blinking them frantically to keep herself alert. If she did not love her son very, very much, she would have been immensely frustrated and most likely horribly unbearable to be around. Whenever his little eyes would close, the smallest movement of her attempting to rise from the chair would wake him, and his eyes would flash open with as much alertness and expectancy as someone who had just women from a long nap. When he was finally asleep, she laid him in the crib with great caution and difficulty, wasting no time in getting into bed herself. She did not remember how long it took her to fall asleep, but it was not long enough for her to realise how tired she truly was.

. . .

When next Jane woke she could tell that not much time had passed at all between when she had fallen asleep and the present. There was still movement in the hallways, too much movement for only servants to be awake. Even the blankets of her bed did not feel very warm, rather like someone had just gotten into them. The angry voices that had woken Jane up moved closer to her door and she could not help but grin widely, in spite of her frustration that she had been woken again so soon.

"You smell like you have drunken a whole barrel of wine" Anne was reprimanding angrily, "Why do you not sleep in another room? I am sure it will do us both some good"

"This is my room" Eshton argued stupidly, and Jane heard her friend click her tongue.

"You are not staying in here tonight, you are drunk and I am tired. Go sleep down the hall. Diana has made up a room for Captain Franklin there".

"Why?" he asked again in his drawn out and slurred voice. Jane smiled, she had never heard Mr Eshton talk like that before.

"Go, up the hall. Rooms have already been made up"

"But where is Rochester?" Eshton asked, immediately as the thought had also crossed Jane's mind. Jane pulled back the blankets and wrapped her robe around herself so that she could step out into the hallway to find out the answer to Eshton's question.

When Jane opened her bedroom door, Anne and Eshton spun around, looking at her with widened eyes.

"Oh Jane, I am so sorry. We have woken you"

"No, it is alright" Jane said, her voice somewhat heavy with sleep. She looked down the hall and saw her approaching husband.

Edward had certainly looked better, she thought to herself. His face was sallow and pale, drained of all its natural warmth. His hair was pushed back at the front, as if he had been constantly running his fingers through it. His cravat was loosened, but not removed, and the look which covered his face was less then impressed. Jane had only seen her husband drunk a handful of times, and because it was not a regular, or even a somewhat regular practice, she always chose to look at it as amusing.

Anne turned on Jane, rolling her eyes dramatically.

"Honestly" she said, puffing her chest out, "Those three got into this aged, fermented wine downstairs that was clearly too strong. What a job it has done on the lot of them".

But Jane only smiled understandingly at her husband who looked immensely guilty as he ambled up the hallway. Jane could tell he was not as intoxicated as Eshton who now leaned on the wall for support, but all the same... he did not look very good.

"Hello love" Jane said as he reached her, "How are you feeling?"

"I hope they all feel rotten" Diana answered from a little further up the hall as Captain Franklin walked out of their room, now dressed for bed himself. Jane assumed that Diana too had ordered her husband out of her room for the night. Captain Franklin was perhaps the worst out of the lot, looking positively grey as he made his way down the hallway towards the small group gathered before him. He gave them a small sort of half-hearted wave and then hung his head again, reaching his temporary bedroom's door. Jane quickly walked down the hall to help him open the door and he thanked her in what she assumed was a disguised grunt before he closing it quickly behind him.

"Come on" Jane said to her husband, taking his arm, "I think it is time to sleep this one off"

"I couldn't agree more" he mumbled, rubbing his head.

Anne was still standing with her arms folded at her expectant looking husband.

"I will see you to your room"

And without another word, Anne marched with her husband towards where Captain Franklin had vanished into a spare room. Jane opened their bedroom door, letting Edward step in first.

He immediately sat down on the bed, running his fingers frustratingly through his hair and sighing deeply. Jane looked at him, trying to suppress a smile from spreading over her lips. She went over to his clothing and picked out a nightshirt before returning to him and removing his already loosened cravat. It came off with little effort.

"I'm sorry" he murmured to Jane, but she shook her head.

"All is well" she assured.

He groaned audibly and Jane silenced him quickly,

"Henry is asleep" she reminded.

This room was so immensely large that with Henry on the other far side of the room he never woke with any noise. And yet, he had taken so long to get to sleep that Jane did not want to risk rousing him for any reason. Edward put his hands over his face, surely about to say some self-reprimanding profanity, but Jane tugged the collar on his waistcoat to stop him. She began to unbutton his vest as he turned his face to her.

"My head is pounding"

Jane stepped back and observed him. She moved over him and kissed his forehead gently, careful not to apply any real pressure. She was sure his forehead relaxed very slightly. He put one hand instinctively on her waist in a non-verbal form of gratitude, the other still massaging his head.

Within a few more minutes Jane had him undressed and into his nightshirt. There was a forcefully closed door in the hallway, footsteps, and then all fell silent throughout the house. Jane peeled back the blankets and he got into bed before she could realise he was sleeping on her side- not that it mattered much. Slipping into bed beside him, he gathered her to him and kissed her forehead very briefly. Jane coughed, and wrinkled her nose.

"Edward Rochester, you really do stink".

"Do I?"

"Of course you do. My, what a state the three of you are in"

"I only had a little more than a glass" he said, "My god, the others must be in worse shape than me. They drank a lot more"

Jane shook her head,

"How did you not notice how strong it was?"

"I lived in the Caribbean, Jane, for four years and practically everyone there lives on pure rum. I thought I had built up a tolerance enough with that to endure a little after dinner wine. Jane!" he asked, his face lighting up with a sudden thought, "Have you ever tried rum?"

"No"

"Would you like to?"

"Not particularly-"

"I think you should try it. I liked seeing you drunk during that one party last year. You were very sweet and I liked taking care of you".

Jane smiled at him, trying to look disapproving.

"I am glad you liked me best while I was drunk. That reassures me in how much you must love me everyday"

But he only smiled, his cheeks flushing with the colour they had been drained of. He grunted suddenly and buried his face in the pillow

"My head" he moaned, "Why did I drink that damned stuff?"

Jane rubbed his back comfortingly.

"Go to sleep darling. You are sure to feel somewhat better in the morning"

"But I do not want to sleep" he said, bringing himself up on his forearms so he could look at Jane. He leaned in very closely to her so that their mouths were almost touching. The alcohol on his breath was very strong.

"Jane, make love with me".

But she only smiled, shaking her head.

"No, not right now"

Though it was a rather tempting thought.

"Why not?"

"I have many reasons for saying no"

"Well, tell me. I should like to hear them"

Another smile from Jane,

"Firstly, you are drunk, and such would be taking advantage of you-"

"No" he interrupted, putting his finger comically up in the air, "You can safely assume that drunk or not, I will always want you"

"Very well then. Secondly, I have no desire to kiss you with such a strong smell of alcohol on your breath"

"I am sorry, there is not much I can do about that at present. However, there is much we can do that does not involve kissing-"

"Thirdly, our son is right in the corner of the room"

"But Jane, he can't-"

"Fourthly, I am immensely tired-"

"Me too, but we can be quick"

"And lastly, I do not like the idea of having relations in someone else's bed"

"Wait, wait" he said, thinking, "You mean for the whole time we are here-?"

'That is exactly what I mean"

"Jane!" he said, trying to shuffle around into a seated position, but Jane held him down softly with her hand. "That is not fair"

"How? You survived longer than a month when I was in my final month of pregnancy"

"That is because it would have put you in incredible pain, and I was not about to chance that for my sake"

The last few words of his sentence had slurred together slightly.

"Love, how about we talk about it all later?"

"Promise?"

"Of course".

. . .

When Jane woke several hours later bright, warm sun was beaming down on her face. She opened her eyes to see Edward sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at her. When she opened her eyes he smiled.

"Good morning Ms Rochester"

"Good morning Mr Rochester" she said, "How are you feeling?"

"Absolutely terrible" he grinned, leaning down and kissing her sweetly. He had washed up it looked like, and cleaned himself since Jane last laid eyes on him, "But I suppose it is what I deserve"

Jane only laughed, "I think you shall look like a very beacon of modesty today compared to the other two"

"Really? Was it that bad?"

"Well, put it this way, you are upright"

Edward put his hand over his face, chuckling.

"Poor chaps. Ah well, I am still not totally free either"

"You look much better though" Jane commented, touching his cheek.

"I may look better but my head is still pounding and my stomach is not well"

"Here" Jane said, pulling back the sheets and walking over to her wash basin. She had put it in the bathroom the night before in anticipation for her husbands headache. When she returned he looked at her curiously.

"Wrap this cold cloth around your head" Jane instructed, wringing most of the water out of it.

He lay down and Jane helped secure it around his head.

"How does that feel?" she asked,

He closed his eyes, breathing deeply, "Like a god send"

"Good" Jane said, "And Henry is still asleep?"

"He stirred himself a little while ago but settled again quickly. When I went over he was already asleep again".

"Well, no complains there" Jane admitted, "He was very hard to put down last night. He whined for the better part of two hours"

"Why did you not come get me to help?"

"I didn't know you were so busy living the high life with Eshton and Franklin, I could never disturb such fun" Jane said, but Edward did not look amused.

"You should have come to get me. You were so tired yesterday, I thought you went right up to bed to sleep-"

But Jane silenced him and took the cloth off his forehead to dip it again into the cold water. He sighed when it was put back in place.

"Jane, I am very much in love with you"

She looked up at him, smiling ever so slightly. He opened his eyes and reached up to run his fingers along her jaw. She turned her face to kiss his hand and then pulled it down, holding it in hers.

"Would you be saying the same if I was not sitting here with this basin of cold water?"

"Yes" he smiled, "I would be saying it no matter what".

"I know" Jane answered, rubbing his hand affectionately, "And I would be sitting here with you, no matter what"

At that moment there was a hard knock at the door and Jane jumped. Edward laughed as she stood quickly to answer it,

"Wait, wait" he called, "Look"

Her nightgown was not buttoned up all the way, and it exposed a little more than Jane would have wanted. Thanking her amused husband quickly, and wrapping her robe around herself as she went, Jane opened her bedroom door.

Diana stood before her looking highly annoyed and yet somewhat happy to see Jane.

"Morning Jane. Will you join us for breakfast? Mr Franklin and Mr Eshton, and I am assuming Mr Rochester, will not be joining us".

"Edward" Jane said, glancing back at her husband whom Diana could not see in the small amount Jane had opened the door, "You won't be joining us for breakfast, will you?"

"As much as I wish I could, I do not think it would be a good idea at present"

"Oh, he is up at least, and coherent" Diana said, clearly irritated. "But do come down to join us Jane, we could use your sunshine of presence".

Jane only nodded,

"I shall be down in just a moment".


	124. Chapter 124

**Hello all, hope you are all doing really well and life has been treating you well. I have been really busy with work, so I am sorry for the slower pace with posting.**

 **There are a lot of exciting things coming up in the story which I hope you guys will really like. I have had a lot of fun planning them.**

 **Let me know what you think about the chapter! I never, ever get tired of reading all of your amazingly kind comments. Your support means everything to me, and is the thing which keeps inspired, and writing.**

 **Thank you again, and more soon!**

 **xoxo**

 **. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

When Jane arrived down at breakfast a few minutes later she found a very unusual sight- two of the most talkative people she knew sitting quietly at the table. Diana had her hand over her mouth, looking absentmindedly out of the window while Anne twirled her fork thoughtlessly around her plate of breakfast. When they both were brought back into alertness by the sound of Jane's footsteps entering the room, they both immediately launched into all of their frustrations from the previous night.

Jane understood where they spoke from, for in truth it was any woman's worst nightmare to find her husband drunk and stunned wandering in through the door. But it had been, overall, a harmless incident that had not happened any previous time. Although all of their husbands drank, it did not seem to be a problem for any of them, though Jane could only speak absolutely in terms of her husband.

Diana was primarily embarrassed because her husband had caused such a scene for their guests, and she suspected that he knew the strength of that wine and simply chose not to say. Anne, on the other hand, was frustrated because Eshton had been angry with her for making him sleep in a different room. She called this ridiculous because some nights he slept in a different room anyways from her, if he was up late enough, and at home it was never a problem. Apparently he had said some unkind remark to her before she left, and Jane was reminded of the slamming door she heard just before she and Edward had gotten into bed.

When all the frustrations had been spoken, and there was nothing left to say, Jane took folded her hands in her lap and looked up compassionately at her friends.

"I cannot say for certain whether Mr Franklin knew the strength of the wine, or whether Mr Eshton can remember the unkind comment he made to you, Anne. What I can say with certainty is that you both love your husbands, very much, and I am willing to bet that they are both feeling rather embarrassed this morning at their conduct last night. I am not saying that you should ignore the way you feel, but you must understand that without speaking honestly to them about the way you feel, they will never know, and you will be angry at them for something they do not realise. I fear in a marriage that would be a recipe for disaster, in the long run".

"But they did the wrong thing" Diana said, looking dejected, "They should be apologising to us".

"In a marriage, I think, if you begin keeping track of "wrongs" and "rights" then you will also be very unhappy in a short amount of time. Men are stubborn, and showing them that you are willing to listen will pull them out of feeling embarrassed and defensive. Do not apologise to them for making them sleep in a different room if you are not sorry, only tell them that you wish to talk, and you both can be honest".

"Are you not mad at Mr Rochester, Jane? Even in the smallest measurement?" Anne asked.

"Perhaps I would be, if we did not speak with each other last night before bed. But I make a point, as he does, to not fall asleep angry at one another".

Anne nodded and sighed, throwing her napkin into her lap.

"I am sorry, Diana, but I am just not hungry. I think I should go back upstairs and speak with Mr Eshton"

"Nor I" Diana replied, "I think I should go and do the same. Jane, thank you".

But before Jane could say anything, both had stood up and left the dining room in a hurry. Fully intent on finishing her breakfast, Jane enjoyed the sound of nothing but birds twittering in a nearby tree close to the opened window.

. . . . . . .

When Jane returned to her bedroom upstairs she found Edward asleep again with his son sleeping enclosed in his arms on the bed. It was nearly nine by now, and though she hated to wake him, she knew the others would be up soon. She went to the side of the bed and sat down before running her fingers slowly along his back. At first he moved and mumbled something incoherent, but then settled back into sleep. Jane bent over him and pressed a kiss to his warm cheek and then to his shoulder before shaking his arm lightly. This time his eyes fluttered opened.

"Good morning again"

"Hm? I did not mean to fall back asleep"

"It does not signify. Neither Mr Eshton nor Captain Franklin have risen yet"

"What time is it?"

"Just about nine o'clock"

Edward nodded and with some difficulty pushed himself into a seated position without waking Henry. He rubbed his eyes hazily and sighed.

"How is your head now?"

"Better, after you brought me that cloth. But still not like normal. Today may be a rough day for us all"

"Less so for the others, now. Diana and Anne went to speak to their respective husbands after breakfast"

"Which I am sure you had nothing to do with"

"They would have gone to speak with them eventually" Jane said, "It is not within women's natures to hold such grudges"

"Thank goodness for that" he said, putting his hand on the back of her head and drawing her in for a kiss.

"Jane!" he said, suddenly remembering a thought, "Last night I asked to speak with you about something this morning, I made you promise and you agreed but I cannot remember what it was for"

"Oh" Jane said in surprise, "I am not sure what it was, probably nothing important".

"It was if I made you promise. Besides, it is not like you to forget such things. What did I ask you? What are you withholding from me?"

Jane blushed a deep scarlet and Edward looked at her, grinning.

"Why are you blushing? What on earth could I have said to you?"

"You asked to lie together, which I said no to for a multitude of reasons, all of which you were fine with apart from not wanting to have relations in someone else's bed"

"Ah" Rochester said, "That sounds about right. Well you were serious in what you said, otherwise you would not be blushing so deeply right now".

"Are you disappointed?"

"Of course, I am always disappointed when I cannot be with you in that way"

"Then do you understand?"

"It does not matter whether I understand or not. You do not wish to do it, and so I will not try to convince you"

"Edward" Jane said, tugging lightly on the line of buttons on his nightshirt, "That is not an answer that makes me feel any better"

"It is the truth, Jane, love"

"It is just that I can be very loud- you make me very loud" she said quietly "I have never been good at remaining quiet and I would be mortified if I woke someone in the house, or if someone heard us..."

Edward could not help but look a little prideful at her confession but he only nodded,

"I know"

Jane dropped her hand and looked at him longingly.

"I am unhappy"

"I can tell, but you look very sweet while you are acting in such a way and so I do not wish to dispel your grief too quickly"

But when Jane looked genuinely upset he sighed, "Come here" he said softly, drawing her onto his lap.

"I love you Jane Rochester, far too well to make you unhappy. I will not be selfish to satisfy myself. Besides, I love you in far too profound a way to act like making love is the height of my affection for you or the most important thing to me. I am just as happy with you here, in my arms. I mean that".

Jane leaned her head against his shoulder, curling her feet up and resting comfortably for as long as she could manage it before Henry would wake beside them. Surely it would be soon- he had slept through the whole night and into this morning.

Edward lips brushed gently over her temple and onto her forehead before he pressed a kiss to Jane's cheek.

"Mmm" she soothed, sighing in relaxation.

. . . . . . . . . .

As the morning shifted into the afternoon Jane thought increasingly of Mary, and how she was doing. Jane wished to go and speak with her, but there always seemed to be some sort of impediment. At first, Mary was getting a bath while Jane went up and when she returned later in the day Mary was taking a nap. So, Jane took it upon herself to go with Henry into the nursery with the two nurses who normally attended to Mary's baby. At first they seemed surprised to see her, but when Jane introduced herself and her son they seemed to lighten their resolve and become far more friendly. They were only young. Neither girl could have been older than one and twenty. They offered Jane a seat next to the crib containing little Daniel and she very happily sat down, thankful for the chance to rest.

"I am sorry if I am interrupting your work" Jane began, but the girls vigorously shook their heads.

"Oh no ma'am. Master Daniel has just gone to sleep. Our job is done until he wakes up"

"And how is he as a baby?"

"He is a wonderful baby" one of the young girls said enthusiastically, "Easy to put to sleep, feed, and change. Sometime he even sleeps through most of the night".

Jane smiled, "You make me feel rather jealous. My Henry cried for the first three months straight. Neither myself or my husband ever got any sleep".

Jane immediately regretted this comment. It showed that they did not hire a nurse, and she worried that the young girls would think it was because she did not think them useful or helpful. Thankfully they only smiled.

"Oh Miss, how awful. I grew up round babies all of the time, and so I know how difficult a fussy baby can be. It tires one out ever so much"

"Exactly" Jane said, "I had never known it was possible to be as tired as I was in those days"

"But he is settled now?" the other, more quiet girl asked,

"Yes, thankfully he is starting to settle a little more, and sleep a little more into the night without waking. I am very thankful for it".

A slight pause,

"You two must be absolutely wonderful with children, or I know you would not have been hired under Mr Franklin's roof"

They both smiled with a prideful glow that Jane liked seeing on their faces. She remembered as a servant that the highest compliment one could receive was that their work was being done well. It was often the reassurance that you would still have a job the next day and that you would not be disposable as so many servants became.

Both girls prompted in such a way went on to tell Jane their stories, their experience with their many brothers and sisters before leaving home to go and work in order to help support the youngsters they were leaving behind. Jane listened intently, asking questions along the way and joining in their cheery laughter. It was refreshing, Jane thought, to have this moment of humility while with these two girls amid this massive and overbearing house. She felt oddly more at ease here than at the large and grand dining table with golden spoons.

"I must admit" Jane said at long last, getting to the point of why she had come, "I am wondering after Mary. She seems happy in ways, but in others not so much. She stays either confined to her bed or in the tub, sleeps much of the day and seems to want to be with baby Daniel very little. Is it always like this?"

The two girls faces suddenly dropped slightly and their conversational smiles turned into apprehensive looks.

"I would say yes miss, for the most part"

"Yes indeed. We see most of Master Daniel during the day, and she sees him only when he is not fussing, which for a new born as you know miss is very limited. At first this was under mistress Diana's request, so Mary could sleep after her delivery, but now it seems to be the established routine. It is a bit odd, miss, if I am honest with you".

Jane nodded, "I thank you for your honesty. I am worried for her. You have been told, I am sure, of why she is with child without a husband".

They nodded again wordlessly, looking even more solemn than before.

"Well, it must be exceptionally hard for her. I wish to do more, but I do not wish to overstep any lines".

"No!" the other joined in, "Indeed she spoke of nothing else but your arrival leading up until Master Daniel's birth. She was immensely excited for you and your husband to come. I am sure you could not overstep a line with her, ma'am".

"-Jane, and thank you for your reassurance, and all your stories. And thank you for caring for Daniel so well. Mary will need lots of help once she takes a more active role, and I am very glad it shall come from you both".

The two girls played with Henry for a little while until dinner was announced and Jane made her way into her room to get changed.

. . .

When dinner had concluded, and the group had moved into the sitting room for cards and other games, Jane found herself in the company of Captain Franklin. When the others had settled into thoughtful conversation, and Edward and Eshton had begun one of their intensive games of chess, the Captain turned on Jane.

"I believe I owe you some thanks" he said lowly over the rim of his wine glass, "I had a rather unexpected but pleasant conversation with Diana this morning that I believe was inspired by you".

Jane did not really know how to respond. She had not tried, in particular, to do anything- she only wished for her friends to be happy in their marriages. She conveyed as much to the Captain, but he shook his head.

"I am a realistic man, Jane. I know that you and your husbands marriage is a unique and very happy one. I know that you two do not have to work very hard for your marriage, or if you do, you are so in sync with one another that it is too natural to feel like work. I am happy to have friends who demonstrate this so effortlessly, and who can help those of us who are a little newer to this. Somehow I get the feeling that even when you two first meet it did not feel like you two were strangers".

Jane blushed ever so slightly, mulling over the truth of his words.

"Me and my husband have a happy marriage at the expense of it not being completely what society tells us it should be. I know you have already overstepped that convention in marrying Diana, and in marrying for love. I have always admired you for that".

He smiled,

"Diana had my heart for a long time, and she knows this. I only wish it had been me this morning coming to apologise to her. I was embarrassed about the events of last night, and in truth I did not want to face her scoldings that I knew I deserved. But it did not pass like that after all, and I felt much better when he parted than before. So, I thank you again".

Jane smiled, "I am glad to hear so, Captain".

He nodded and took a sip of his wine, balancing the bottom on the cup on the end of his fingers while his other hand held the top.

"How would the 14th suit you for a ball?" he asked, a little louder so that the whole room could hear. The men looked up from their chess game and Anne and Diana beamed from the couch on which they sat. They all agreed heartily, and Edward, in solidarity with his wife, only winked at her.

"Then it is settled" Franklin concluded, "I shall send out invitations tomorrow. I am sure it will be great fun, and surely Mary will wish to join us for that".

The three women gathered shared a knowing look. If Mary was locked up in her room with only family and close friends here Jane thought it very unlikely she would emerge for a party. Still, it was worth mentioning to her if there was even the slightest possibility she may want to come.

"May I borrow Captain Franklin for a minute?" Diana asked, rising from her seat, "There is something I wish to discuss with him".

"But of course" Jane nodded, "I have kept him long enough".

When Jane turned her eyes fell upon Anne who was patting the couch cushion beside her in an eager invitation.

"So, a ball" Anne began slowly, "How does that make you feel?"

"Terrified" Jane admitted honestly. "You know very well that I do not do well in situations where I must amble around with the goal of being admired. I am nothing special in either looks or interests. Besides, I am married!"

"But not in your grave yet" Anne teased,

"Excuse me" Edward called, looking up from his chess game, "Do not give her any idea's, Anne, of leaving me for another man"

"As if that was likely" Eshton said, very concentrated "Rochester, stick to the game"

But Jane only smiled at her husband and looked back at Anne.

"Jane, the point is not to flaunt yourself around like was required when you were in search of a husband-"

"I never went to a ball in search of a husband, that is the point. I have such little practice, and am so ill-equipped with the whole experience of attending a ball".

Anne laughed, "Oh Jane, forgive me, you know I know this. You will be on the arm of your more than capable husband, and you will have friends there this time as well. At our Christmas Ball, which you were dazzling at, we could not talk with you much because we were hosting. This time, we shall have lots of opportunity to be in each others company".

Jane winced slightly, frowning, knowing what the reaction to her next statement would be.

"I did not bring a dress that was formal enough for the ball"

"Oh!" Anne said, clapping her hands together, "Excellent. That means we shall have to go into town to shop for one. How exciting!"

"Oh no" Jane said quickly, "That would be such a waste. I would only wear it to a ball, and how frequently do we attend those-"

"Jane, there will be no arguing. We shall go tomorrow. Surely your husband will not mind relinquishing a few dollars on the excursion"

"No, I dare say he will not" Jane said, "Seeing as he encourages me to use more of it rather than keeping it from me"

He grinned without looking up from his game, "I do not have to worry about Jane spending too much money, especially on herself- no Eshton, it is my turn. I will only have to worry when she bankrupts me spending money on poverty baskets for the poor".

"There you are. It is settled" Anne said confidently.

Jane put her hand up to her mouth in thought, but could think of no way out of this one. Submitting to the prospect, she only sighed at her friend who looked far too excited for the shopping trip the next day.

. . . . .

The next morning Jane delayed for as long as she could as she dressed herself. Though she said nothing, Edward noticed her slowed activity and asked her what was wrong.

"I do not wish to be away from Henry for so long" she said, looking at her son resting in her husbands arms. He looked so perfectly sweet and at ease, it was hard to imagine being away from him so that she could not pick him up and hold him in her arms when she wanted.

"It will only be for a few hours maximum" Edward said reassuringly, "He will still be here when you return, I promise"

"It is not just that" Jane said, sitting on the edge of the bed so that she faced her husband. "Ever since we have been here I have been spending too much time away from him. Granted, I like the nurses here very much, and they are very good to him but I feel like I am neglecting him".

"Jane, love" Edward began firmly, but not unkindly, "You are with Henry constantly. You never give yourself a break. Take this morning for yourself. Do not worry about what is happening here. Henry will be with me and we shall do very well together until you return".

She allowed herself to be pulled in for a forehead kiss before she sighed and stood quickly.

"Very well. What if I come home with the biggest, laciest, boldest, and most flashy dress I can possibly find?"

"Then I will wonder where my Jane and what impostor took her place. Then I would make very quick work of removing it".

"You better not be removing anything from anyone who you believe to be an impostor of me"

Jane tried to look disapproving look but his charming, boyish grin always dissolved her resolve instantly.

"I am being serious" he teased, planting a kiss on her stomach and pressing his forehead to her.

"I do not doubt you".

Moving her towards him by the waist, Edward pulled Jane down to his lips and kissed her lovingly.

"Return soon, I will miss you".

"I will, in the most plain and unimposing dress I can find. Then you will know it is me"

He chuckled heartily as Jane bent over her son.

"Good bye my love" Jane said, kissing the top his head, "I love you very much"

Edward looked rather expectantly at Jane and she grinned, "You too, Mr Rochester".

. . . . .

The ride into town was impeded by immense amounts of rain that poured onto the roads. The late summer rain was warm, and sure not to last very long, but it greatly slowed their journey. The town closest to the Franklin's was Milford, a rather large town that Diana spent much of the ride describing.

"It is rather large. Too large for us to walk through top to bottom in one day" she was explaining, "So I know which dress shops to go to, and I have a feeling that one of the dresses I saw there last week will be stunning on you, Jane".

"I am not looking for stunning" Jane admitted honestly, "I am looking for plain and simple".

"Absolutely not" Anne interjected, "There is no reason for a women to ever look 'plain and simple'. You, Jane Rochester, are too admired for such. Besides..." she continued, looking slightly calculating, "Do you not think that you should look a certain way for a certain person who will be in attendance?"

"Who?"

"Blanche is going to be there"

"Oh no" Jane said calmly, "There is no need for me to dress up any particular way because she is there. I am married, so is she, there is nothing to prove between us. There was never anything to prove between us. I fear we have far more in common than we do in differences".

"You may think that way, Jane, because you are as close to an angel as one can be on this earth. Blanche certainly is not thinking that way of you, and why should you let her loom that way over you?"

"She doesn't. I do not think of her, so how can she loom over me?"

Diana sat back, arms folded.

"I pity her" Jane continued to explain, "When I saw her at Thornfield hall, when I observed her from the corner of the room, I saw a very insecure person who had one goal in life. She moved about the room, floating from man to man, trying to get one of them to fall in love with her, or at least with her beauty and youth. She had no convictions, no original thoughts, no stirring of feeling beneath her beautiful and cool exterior. She did not look happy, nor fulfilled. I am not even sure she had any sense of who she was. Imagine living that way. I have nothing but compassion for her, in spite of her shallow vanity that she used so often to try and hurt me".

Anne nodded solemnly, "In truth, Jane, I thought I would have to be like her in my own life in order to find a husband. It is what all of us in upper class families are taught. Be beautiful. Be talented. Be charming so that a man will love you. There was never any mention of know who you are- or what you are willing to be as a woman. I am very lucky, because I meet Mr Eshton and he was light, and funny, and easy to talk to. I never had to abandon myself in others company to win a husband because I had found one before I was pushed into that place. Perhaps we have been to hard on her in assuming what she deserved".

Diana frowned, "I only know that she tried to hurt you, and she insulted you Jane and so I promised I would never form any attachment with her. But if what you say is true, I shall soften my opinion of her".

Jane smiled,

"I like the idea of women supporting each other more than women being cruel to one another. We all suffer the same lives, if not at home, then certainly on a public level. We all have unfair expectations placed on us. It is a matter of being willing to see it in others that makes a difference".

She took her friends hands,

"Which is why I am so thankful for two immensely wonderful friends".

They beamed at her, quick to add in their own words of love.

When they had reached town they found that the dress shop was not very far at all. As the carriage slowed in front of the doors they saw a very peculiar sight. There was a small huddle of women outside speaking frantically with the owner who would not allow them inside.

"Ladies, please. Only so many at a time" he was saying, "If you wait patiently, all will be well. Oh, here they are!" he said, eyeing the carriage that Jane, Anne and Diana had just arrived in. When Jane was helped down onto the ground there were twenty pairs of eyes on her, narrowed in dislike as she, and her companion were ushered into the shop.

" 'Here they are' ?" Jane said lowly to Diana, "How did they know we were coming?"

Diana smiled apologetically, "Don't be cross with me, promise"

"Why would I be cross with you?"

But before the question could be answered Jane was swept away by a women with a tape measure around her neck and a very wide skirt which dragged very gracefully on the ground as she moved about quickly.

"Ms Rochester?"

"Yes, Jane-"

"Ms Rochester come this way. Your selection of dresses are waiting".

When Jane turned around she saw Diana and Anne being brought away in a similar fashion, though they looked far more excited for what was about to come than Jane felt.


	125. Chapter 125

Jane was dressed and undressed into about six different dresses that were all hugely extravagant to her taste. She could hardly keep a straight face when she was placed into a rather pink one with large bows all around the skirt. When she was asked how she felt about it, she had to fight very hard to keep her voice even, and politely explain it was not to her personal style. The women helping Jane was getting more and more annoyed with Jane's refusal of every elaborate dress in the shop, but was soon gone to search for something more "plain".

Once she had left, Jane looked around the room for the first time in detail, noting the white walls with curtains all along them. Low candles burned all around the room so that it was illuminated enough to see the dresses. She assumed these changing rooms had no windows in case men were walking by outside and happened to see in. The thought made Jane shudder. Still, she made herself smile when she thought that the many candles burning around the room gave the odd, and very ironic feeling of her being in a church.

The dress Jane was currently in, a large and dark emerald one, dragged significantly on the ground as she tried to move about the room. Clearly it was meant for someone far taller than she was. When she looked up into the mirror, for a moment, she hardly knew who was looking back at her. The whole look was so bizarre, so foreign. Though she was the technical lady of a large house she in no way felt like one, nor did she wish to look like one. She was reminded of a conversation she had had with Edward a long time ago in which she told him not to adorn her in satin and lace, and not to put jewels around her neck, for then she would no longer be Jane Eyre, and he would not know her. Now here she stood, in a satin dress with jewels around the neck and she felt every bit foreign to herself as she knew she would have in those days. Still, marrying Edward as a man of status meant something to her. It meant that she could not always say no to balls, or walk around in a governesses plain black dress. To be his wife meant that she was part of him at all times, and when that included formal gatherings and the responsibilities of being the women of his house, she had to take part.

The amusing thing was, since their very first day of marriage, Edward had never pushed any of this onto her. He had never asked her to change who she was. He had never asked anything of her that was unfair, or she was unwilling to do. Jane _wanted_ to be seen as his wife, she wanted to be the women of his household, she wanted to be the mother to his children and to be the partner at his side. If that meant wearing a formal dress to a ball what did that matter? His marriage gave her everything, a home, a child she adored, and more love than she even knew was possible. What of a dress when she had all of that?

The door opened and a younger girl walked in, her face concealed by a large bonnet and she began taking the dresses Jane had already tried on out of the room.

"I am sorry" Jane pleaded, "I did not mean to make such a mess trying on these dresses"

The young girl only smiled, "You would be surprised, miss. This is modest for some. Besides, you have been very kind, so I do not mind. If I do say so, some women are quite particular and quite difficult at times"

"Well seeing as I feel like a swallow in a peacocks jacket"

The young girl laughed but quickly bustled from the room when the other women had returned with a dress on her arm, looking resolved.

"I think this may work, Ms Rochester".

. . . . . .

"That was wonderful" Diana was saying on the carriage ride home, "I have never experienced service like that before".

"I quite agree" Anne said, "How very modern of them to have the dresses already made and they simply hem the bottom to your height"

"And Jane" Diana began, "You are not too angry then, with me?"

Jane shook her head smiling.

"Perhaps it was not the first activity I should think of for myself, but all in all it was nice!".

Anne clapped her hands together, "I think we are making a shopping lover out of you, Jane Rochester"

"I think I will have to see about that" she laughed, "Maybe very, very slowly I am getting there. How long were we there, do you suppose?"

"About three hours, I think" Diana said, glancing at a pocket watch she pulled from her dress.

"Good lord, it did not feel that long" Anne said, "I am excited now. Truly. The ball shall be great fun, and with any luck, Mary will come"

"I do know one way in which she will be sure to attend" Jane said, sharing a look with her companions.

"Father Andrew?"

A nod.

"But we cannot, Jane" Anne continued, "Not when her heart was broken when she left. If there is no chance of them being together what good would it do to bring them together?"

"I know" she said softly, "I just wish, in some other world, and in different circumstances, that a marriage could be realised. He loves her and she loves him, of that I am sure".

Diana shook her head.

"What a horrible state of affairs"

"Eshton was talking with both Captain Franklin and Mr Rochester about that horrible- well, man, who did such an unspeakable act to Mary. He is very illusive, it would seem. Even my husband cannot track him through connections in town. His wife, it would seem, does not know where he is. She apparently never took too keen an interest in his affairs. Eshton has been using lawyers but nothing yet"

"It is alright" Jane said, "In time we shall know and he will pay the consequences for what he has done".

"But that still does not help our Mary's heart right now"

"No" Diana said, "But in time, we will be able to know how to help her better. For now, she is lucky to have such wonderful friends and indescribable support. I am sure she realises that not every women would have stood by her after that happened to her. To some, it is always the woman's fault"

"Well" said Anne angrily, "Not to us. Never to us. We know far better, and know when men are like".

"Look what happened to you, Jane, with my own brother in law. Look what Captain Franklin's brother did to you. We are only exceptionally lucky nothing more happened".

Jane shuddered at the topic being brought up. She tried not to think about it often, but when it did come up it made her stomach knot so that a terrible sickening feeling flooded her veins.

"-frankly, I think we are lucky Mr Rochester did not kill him", Anne was saying.

Jane came back to the conversation and shook her head at her two friends.

"He was so angry...I am _very_ lucky that Edward is not currently sitting in an English prison".

"Rightfully so" Diana said forcefully, "I had never seen the Captain so angry either".

"Who knows? He may come and attend your ball, Diana. He lives not far from here, clearly, and he seems to be a vain man. Perhaps he will come, or someone who does will learn something. The men are always on the lookout, and I am sure they will not miss anything".

. . . . .

As the carriage pulled down the lane towards the Franklin residence the conversation turned much more pleasant. When the carriage stopped there were a flurry of servants outside to greet them. Jane felt quite overwhelmed by all the attention, by the arms which helped her from the carriage or by the voices that asked her how her day was. When they entered the house, however, everyone left for different locations except Jane, who stood in the foyer with her hand on her waist. The house was oddly quiet for a moment, and Jane heard voices coming from a nearby room. To her great surprise, the voices were her husbands and Mary's.

"I know" Mary was saying, "It is very intimidating for me. And he has been good so far, for a baby".

"But in time you learn" Edward replied, "You learn overtime how to not be so worried about every move you make. Things will work out, Mary".

"Did you- well, I do not want to be presumptuous-"

"I am sure you will not be. Go on"

"Well...I guess then...did you ever worry that you would not be the father you wanted to be?"

"I did, and I still do everyday. I never had a father, or at least one that I could look up to and trust. I always wondered, if I had children, if I would be exactly like him. And then I married a person who is the most loving I have ever meet, and the most naturally generous person I have ever known. That made it so much harder for me not to worry. My child would have a absolutely perfect mother and a wretch of a father in contrast".

"But that is not the way Jane talks about you, not at all! She says quite the opposite, all of the time".

"Well, I have more love for them then I knew I could have and that, in ways, has made it easier. And Jane leads by example, she has softened me considerably. She reassures me too- makes me feel less worried".

"And yet, I do not have a partner like humans are supposed to have".

"That does not matter" Edward said quickly, "You love Daniel, and so you will always do what is best for him. You do not need a partner to be the sort of mother he will need".

Smiling, Jane stepped quietly away from the door and ascended to her room upstairs.

. . .

Jane took a few minutes to herself up in her room while Edward and Henry were still downstairs. The quiet she experienced was almost too disorientating to her in its rarity. She was always with someone now, either her husband, her son, or both. The silence which she momentarily resided in allowed a strange feeling to wash over her as she stood in front of the window. Looking down into unfamiliar grounds from a still unfamiliar room she felt the way she had when she first arrived at Thornfield. She had been so unsure then, but pleased at the prospect of great change in her life. How strange. The old feeling of insecurity felt like a rushing memory of a time long lost running momentarily through her.

And then it had gone as soon as it had come, and Jane was left with her reflective thoughts of how much life had changed for her in three years.

"You look rather thoughtful" a voice said, examining her from the doorway.

Jane did not turn to look, for she could have known that voice in any language, or in any world. She only smiled slightly.

"I am" she replied.

"What is it? Tell me"

Edward sat in the armchair that rested in front of the extensive, but largely stained glass, window. Jane turned and looked at him, and he motioned for her to come to him. Allowing herself to be pulled onto his lap, she tucked her feet into the corner of the chair and sighed.

"I was just thinking of how strange it was to have a moment of silence in my life where I was truly alone. For a moment I was reminded of who I was when I first came to Thornfield and did the same thing as I was just doing- I stood at my window in my new room, looking down at unfamiliar gardens. I did not know then how much my life would change. I was only hopeful for any amount of deliverance from the mundane and dark life I had previously lived. For a moment, a very small moment, the silence brought me back to that place".

Edward put his chin on Jane's shoulder and kissed her there lightly.

"Must have been a funny feeling, given how much of your life is different now"

"Exactly! It has changed astronomically. And all for the better".

"But not everything has changed" Edward said, love and affection flooding his eyes, "My Jane Eyre, the small and quiet and yet passionate governess that I fell deeply in love with is still you in every way, and is my heart in an equal amount of ways".

"And you" Jane began, wanting to tease him, but not being able to when she looked into his honest and adoring face. She sighed, running her hands through his curly black hair. He leaned into her touch, closing his eyes as she kissed his temple.

"At one time I believed that the fundamental things with you would never change. How much I love you, how much I want you near me all the time, how I willingly entrust my heart and soul to you for safekeeping...but I was wrong. The fundamental things are constantly changing, I love you more and more every moment".

"Mmm" he said seriously, looking up into her face as he placed his hand on her waist and drew her in for a deep kiss.

Jane caressed her husbands cheek with her thumb. She moved over him, swinging one leg on either side of him so that she had easier access to him in the chair. She bend down to reach his mouth and sighed happily as he steadied her against him by putting two hands around her waist.

"Jane, love' he breathed as she reached for his pants. She knew he thought of her previous claim not to want to have sex while in someone else's house, but in this moment she did not care very much. She shook her head, pressing her forehead to his lightly.

"Tell me what you want"

Jane brought his lips to hers again, more gently this time, with less driving need.

"Well Jane Rochester, you will have to more specific than that. I would give you anything, if you asked for it".

"I want to be with you. I do wish to wait until we are home any longer".

Edward stood, taking Jane's hand and guiding her over to the bed. She stood before him and turned around, pulling her hair in front so that he had free access to the complicated corset at the back of her dress. As he undid the ribbon and pulled it out of place with each loop he kissed her exposed back right down to where the dress was opened, right above her bum.

Jane felt searing want flood her as his mouth moved down her spine. She was determined to wait, and be patient, but he made it extremely hard sometimes. He turned her around, letting the dress fall to the floor so that she was standing only in her slip.

Stilling his hands against his side, Jane reached up and began to unbutton his waistcoat. She freed him from the confines of his cravat before pulling his dress shirt out of his pants. He watched in perfect contentment as she worked, seeing her ease and her comfort as she stripped him down to nothing.

Jane ran her thumb over his lip pensively before wrapping her arms around his neck in a kiss. He lifted her up so that she could wrap her legs around his waist and laid her down softly on the bed beneath him. He rolled up Jane's slip until, with her help, it was brought over her head and discarded beside her. She smiled up at him, her face surely flushed, her heart beating wildly in her chest.

"Jane" he spoke softly, running his hand down her front until he reached her pulsing core. The contact of his hand on her was enough to make her whole body curl up in sensation. She closed her eyes, biting her lip ineffectively to hide the light moans that issued from her. His thumb circled her small nub with expert skill, the feeling building so rapidly that Jane felt the warmth instantly spread through her chest to her fingers and toes.

She opened her eyes lazily to find him above her, pressing a kiss to her jaw as she pushed her head back into the pillow.

"Agh" she gasped, looking back at him.

He found her softened, strained, slight sounds of desperation even more arousing then the loudest cry she could possibly issue. He pulled her chin down with his thumb and planted a kiss on her lips and felt the release of her moan into his mouth.

"Shh, shh" he soothed, kissing her into silence once more.

Suddenly the pressure of his hand was gone and Jane exhaled sharply, taken aback by the sudden lack of feeling when she was about to give way to him and his touch. Edward pressed a kiss to her forehead and then lips before he turned Jane so that she was laying with her head resting amongst the pillows. Climbing on the bottom of the bed, Edward separated Jane's legs gently by placing one over each of his shoulders and then ducked his head between her.

Jane slammed her palm into the headboard and bit down on her finger to stop from crying out. His tongue had entered her, and repeatedly ran over the place that made her head spin with sickening feeling. Jane felt for him and gripped his arm to steady herself. His mouth sucked her most sensitive spot and she inhaled sharply, her face contorting as she felt herself building and building to the place she so desperately wanted to reach. With one final pressure he would have done it, but he drew back and mounted himself before his wife.

He may have asked he something but she did not know, she only ran her hand over him stomach in wordless encouragement and within moments he was within her, pressing into her core with a force that was unique and entirely him.

"Eyes opened" Jane heard lowly from a long ways off. She looked upon her husband who kissed her lips, this time less steadily, his own pleasure mounting visibly within him to a point of tipping over.

"I want to watch you" he explained, thrusting into her deeper and causing her to breathe into the pillow beside her face. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer to her, and deeper within her.

"Mmm" he grunted, struggling to keep himself from releasing into Jane before she was ready. It would not be long now, her heart beat so fast with every thrust that robbed her of all her senses that she thought her brain may explode.

Three sharp and hard knocks on the door made Jane jump, but Edward's hand was already over her mouth, silencing her instantly. He slowed his rocking, but did not stop.

"Jane, are you in there? Have you seen Rochester? I cannot find him anywhere".

"Damn him" Edward grunted so quietly that only a person as close as Jane could have heard it.

Jane tried very hard to slow her breathing enough to respond but she was afraid her voice would give her present activity away. Kissing her forehead sweetly, and stilling himself within her for a moment, Edward spoke.

"I am here, Franklin. Me and Jane are discussing something important".

His voice was strangely calm compared to how he look, aroused, desperate and angry.

Jane rocked in frustration against him once, causing him to grab a bunch of the bed sheets beside him.

"Forgive me, I do not mean to interrupt. Mary was looking for you, but dinner is in half an hour at any rate".

"Thank you" Edward called, "I shall speak with her then".

When his footsteps were long gone on the corridor outside, Edward sent his wife a look before resuming his maddening pace and agility of before. Jane's slight smile was gone and instantly replaced with open mouthed breaths, desperate to slow the expanding tightness in her stomach and rapid beating of her heart which crushed her in a moment of blissful relief. Jane first, and then her husband a second later. She felt him release inside her, felt the air snatched from her lungs and the bed fall away beneath her. She could have been anywhere in that moment, for she did not know. All she knew was the familiar weight of her husband landing beside her, and the way she moved into his embrace, waiting for sensation to return to her.

"Edward" she said, very lowly after some time.

"What is it?"

Jane bit back a laugh, coming up on her elbow to look at Edward,

"My god, Franklin at the door-"

"I know, I am sorry Jane. We probably should have waited until night, at least".

"You are very serious. Do you think he heard us?"

"No, I don't. But I know that was exactly why you did not want to-"

"No, it's okay" she assured him before he could be too hard on himself, "It's okay. Besides, I cannot say that I regretted what we did".

Edward smiled as he brushed a strand of hair out of Jane's face.

"Mmm, I suppose not" he said, pulling her down to him for a deep kiss. Jane pressed her forehead to her husbands and then lay into him, her face pressed to his side.

"I am too tired to move"

"I hope you are, I have no desire to have you leave my arms".

Jane turned her face and put her chin on his chest. She was going to say something, words visible on her lips, but she only smiled and lay her head back down on his chest.

"No" he smiled, pulling her face back to his, "What were you going to say?"

"Nothing. Only that I am happy. Very, very happy".

A kiss on her temple.

"Well, that is not nothing. That is everything to me".

"And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you happy?"

"You know very well how happy I am. You are making me feel suspicious of how happy I am, in fact".

"You deserve it, every day for the rest of your life".

He chuckled,

"And somehow, by some miracle, I have been granted that fate when I was given you".

Jane sat up, stretching her self out automatically.

"Sweetheart, stop".

He brushed her hair away from her shoulder, revealing a scratch at the top of her back underneath her hair.

"What is this from?"

"I'm not sure" Jane answered, "Probably from trying on all of the different dresses today. A lot of hooks and buttons to get scratched on".

"And how did that go?" he asked, kissing her shoulder as she lay back down in his arms. She looked turned to her side to look at him.

"It was really...well, elaborate".

He chuckled, "I thought it may be for you".

"Well, we got there and some women were waiting outside. They would not even let them in, because they knew we were coming. I was brought into this change room where I was helped in and out of dress after dress, all of which you would have laughed at me for wearing. Yellow satin-"

He laughed harder,

"Yellow satin, Edward! I looked like an oversized bird"

"Now I am sad I missed it. Adorned in lace and bows and frills too, I hope?"

"Every last one".

"So, did you find one in the end? Or are you now determined to go in a paper bag?"

Jane frowned slightly.

"I know you are not going to care, and you are going to tell me that I never buy things for myself and so it does not matter. But I did find a dress, and it was the most expensive one there. I am really sorry, but the plain cream satin cost the most, and when I realised I said no thank you, but then Diana and Anne told me it would be silly to leave without one since then I would have nothing to wear to the ball and...I bought it".

"How much?"

"It cost five pounds"

"Five pounds Jane, how could you?"

"Edward, that is 1/6 of my governess wage for one dress".

"Jane, darling, you are a very bad head woman of the Rochester household. A five pound dress is what most women spend in a month conservatively"

"I never claimed to be a good head of the household. Only a good wife".

"Mmm" he said, smacking her bum lightly as he sat up, "I will not argue with that. Come on, dinner will be soon enough"

When Jane had redressed and was fixing her hair in front of the mirror Edward passed behind her laughing.

"Love, you will have to look a lot less guilty then you do right now if you do not want them to know what 'important business' we were discussing in here".

"Oh, right".

A kiss on the forehead, "Let's go".


	126. A positive update!

Hello my very lovely readers.

I owe you all a very big apology. I am still writing this story! I am still very much enjoying it! The reason for my lack of writing recently is because my laptop was actually stolen, and it contained all my notes and bits of writing for this story on it. Plus, without a laptop, I have had no way of posting in the meantime either.

So, huge apologies. From my phone, I could not work out how to make a new document so I could write this message to you. The good news is, I have a new laptop and will have a nice large chapter for you all tomorrow. From then on, it will be regular posting again!

Thank you again and again for all your lovely and kind support. It is amazing I have been writing so long, and it is all thank to you guys. You are my main motivation for writing.

Wish you all the very best, and hope you are relaxing and taking it easy.

xoxoxox


	127. Chapter 127

Thank you all for your kind messages.

It was definitely really unfortunate to lose my laptop but it could have been worse for sure. I hope you can forgive me for the long period with no posting, and with the lack of explanation I left you with. I missed writing a lot, so I will have lots of time and motivation to write in the upcoming days! More soon.

I hope you like this chapter! Let me know what you think. I think there is trouble brewing.

Much love, and thank you again

xoxoxox

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The days leading up to the ball were filled with comfortable ease around the household.

The schedule during the days remained the same, with everyone meeting for meals but mostly carrying out their own activities in the day. The group would meet to play cards, or read, or as of recent, take turns caring for Henry and Daniel. It truly felt like a large family to Jane, connected through common thoughts and ideas about the world and similar senses of humour. It was wonderful. She even realised that sometimes people within the group did not agree, but a common care for each other stopped them from fighting, and so disagreements often just dissolved into conversation. It was a completely unique feeling to both Jane and Edward to have a large group of family and friends whom they trusted so well, and it was truly remarkable.

As time passed, Jane also saw the amount of respect that everyone had for her husband. Though he had not asked for it, Edward was the first person people went to when they needed help, or when they needed advice or knowledge. He did not even seem to notice, for his own wisdom was so deeply embedded in him that he could not recognise it when it was present in the form of his words to others. When Jane shared this with him he had adamantly denied it, telling her instead it was she that people went to for guidance, but she knew that there was much truth in what she had told him.

The day before the ball, however, took on quite a different atmosphere.

Starting very early in the morning there were decorators running up and down the hallways with ribbons and flowers and banister decorations for the stairs. Jane had been woken suddenly to the sound of someone calling down the hallway for a ladder, and she had found it rather hard to go back to sleep after that.

Because Diana and Captain Franklin were tied up most of the day with the decorators, cooks, and musicians coming to the ball, it was the perfect opportunity for the Rochester family to spend some private time together. The kitchen staff had generously packed them a picnic to take on a walk. So, shortly before lunch, they set off for a spot at the very end of the Franklin's groomed property that offered some distance from the massive amount of movement within the house.

"Here" Edward said, unrolling the blanket and laying it on the ground so Jane and Henry could sit.

"Thank you" Jane said, lowering herself onto the ground with their son.

She laid Henry on her legs, one of her arms around his middle as she and Edward unloaded the basket. It was the perfect late summer day, with the air warm but the breeze cool. Under the shade of the tree Henry would be free from the sun's direct light, which would also keep him content and happy.

"Do you know if Mary will be attending the ball?" Edward asked his wife as she ate a piece of apple. She turned to him, nodding.

"I think so, yes. At least the last time she spoke of it she was coming, and that was only yesterday".

"Good" he said definitively.

Jane smiled at him, pausing before speaking, "I think your interest in her situation is a great reassurance to her. Thank you".

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I know you have had much to do with Mary feeling far more comfortable lately. I heard you two speaking when we arrived home from dress shopping a few days ago but I did not want to interrupt you by stepping into the room. You give her much comfort, you must realise this".

"I think she relates to my life's tale of woe. I think she sees in me the sort of unfortunate event which can occur and forever change your life. I do not mind if she does. What she went through is far worse than what happened to me, however, because she did not choose this for herself. I was only young and stupid".

Jane smiled a side smile at him and fed him a piece of apple that she was cutting.

He lay down on his back chewing, hands behind his head, looking completely at peace with his surroundings. Finding it too hard to cut with Henry in her arms, Jane laid their son on Edward's stomach. He instantly wrapped his arm securely around Henry without opening his eyes.

"Blanche will be at the ball tomorrow" Jane commented, "Franklin is sure of it"

"Does that bother you?" Edward asked in slight surprise.

"No, not at all. But everyone about me thinks it should".

"And why does that suddenly matter to you?"

"I'm not sure. I just find it strange they are all so disapproving of her. They have not even meet her".

Edward turned his head,

"You are not the only one to have experienced Blanche's less than pleasant side, Jane. Neither Eshton nor Franklin are quick to esteem her either. Besides, she was rather cruel to you, which I am sorry I ever allowed, and your friends are quick to come to your aid against her. Though it is not necessary for them to act the way they are, I am sure that it means a good thing for your friendship".

Jane pondered his words, the last piece of apple hovering close to her lips.

"I suppose. I just think with the situation she is currently in, if it is true, it is hard to not equate her to Mary only a few weeks ago. Though the way her pregnancy came about is different, the consequence will be the same- except she does not have a loving or supportive family to help her. She seems quite alone in the world".

"Sometimes selfish people must bare the burden of their mistakes- I did".

"You were not like her".

"Indeed. But I knew better, as did she. I cannot say I am incredibly sad about the affair, for Blanche has caused disruptions wherever she has gone for far too long. Perhaps this is what it will take for her to mature, and become a little more civilised, and if that would be the case then it will not all have been for bad. Besides, her husband would never cast her out or publicly embarrass her. I am surprised he has let the rumours spread long enough"

"Why?" Jane asked, tilting her head in thought.

"Because Lord Marcus has been married three times and never had any children. Now that he is away, his current wife falls pregnant. Do you not think that says something more of him then of his wives?"

"So you think he will claim the child is his, even though it is not, to save his reputation of not being able to father children?"

"Exactly. And then the blame would fall on his previous wives. Besides, like any man, I am sure he is hoping for a son to have as heir to his estate".

Jane ate her final piece of apple as she thought over the situation.

"Well, it seems in ways an obvious choice to make, especially given Lord Marcus' age. I am sure that it is better to him to pretend that child is his then to admit that it was he who was incapable fathering children. If the solution works for them, then it must work".

Edward looked surprised,

"This is a radical opinion, Jane"

"Well, it is certainly not one I would consider for myself or for us as a married couple. What she did was absolutely horrible, and it breaks the sacred sacrament of marriage. Being unfaithful is the lowest of low acts one can commit. But, when you look at the other options, and given that the married couple actually does not have any binding commonalities or love, it is a logical choice, at least".

"I agree" Edward said, "But I suspect we shall see for ourselves, for I have a feeling Lord Marcus will be in attendance tomorrow night, to show support to his wife with 'their' child".

"Where has he been?"

"Brussels, I think. Though he has been known to travel frequently and has homes in almost every capitol in Europe, so it is anyone's guess".

Jane nodded thoughtfully, rubbing her stomach happily.

"That was quite good. I regret sharing now".

Edward laughed as he reached up to kiss his wife. But when he stirred, Henry began to fuss. So Edward kissed the top of Henry's head, resting his hand on his sons back soothingly.

"I'm sorry" he said, "Did I disturb you?"

Jane smiled and looked off into the distance, her mind deep in thought. Edward turned to glance at her, and surveyed her curiously.

"Are you worried for tomorrow night, darling?"

"No" she replied easily, "I am never worried about social gatherings when I am with you".

A soft smile.

"I am glad to hear, given how much I know you hate the whole affair normally".

Jane blushed, "Well, as of late I have tried to have a more positive attitude towards social gatherings, as your wife".

"What do you mean?"

"Only that I understand being married to an important and high ranking man entails me being at balls and dinners and all the things of which I normally wish to hide from. But, it is rather a small price to pay for being your wife, and so I have decided to be a little more gracious towards them".

"I can see how hard you are working, darling, to be so optimistic. It is very endearing. I would kiss you right now if I could".

Jane smiled and reached down to kiss his forehead.

"You tease me. You know that is not the kind of kiss I meant".

"No, but I am afraid for now it is all you get".

A grin, and then a serious look.

But in all seriousness, Jane, I do not want you to feel like you must act this way for my sake-"

"No" Jane said quickly, "I do not".

"Because you know I would be just as content, more content, to just be at home with you, reading, or talking or doing absolutely nothing. Balls and social gatherings mean nothing to me now, apart from getting to feel immensely proud to have you beside me as my wife".

"I do know. And am very thankful for it".

Edward reached out and took Jane's hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing her sweetly.

"I want you to know your place is at my side, in all things. You have a place here. You are inferior to no person who will walk through those doors tomorrow. You will be far superior to them in every way".

Jane smiled at him, biting her lip. He grinned at her in anticipation for hearing her thoughts.

"What is it?"

"Well" Jane began, speaking in a whisper "Perhaps apart from my dancing skills".

Edward laughed heartily, pressing his hand to his forehead.

When Edward opened his eyes again for the first time, he noticed the sky that had been warm and bright in the day had darkened significantly. Edward sat up quickly, holding Henry close to his chest.

"Come on love, it looks like rain. We should get going".

Handing their son to Jane, Edward swept over the picnic site, scooping everything into his arms and throwing it into the basket. Every passing moment made the sky turn darker and darker. Henry began to fuss again and Jane bounced him in her arms in an attempt to soothe him.

"It is alright. We're going back now, and we shall try to put you down for a nap. Then you will feel better".

Edward, with a little more urgency, had grabbed the basket and wrapped the blanket around Jane and Henry.

"There is no time to waste, let us go".

Dark heavy clouds were now moving over and covering the sky in menacingly dark shadows. Jane prayed silently that it did not start raining before they could return to the house. If Henry got wet, and caught a cold...

The rain began when they were in the gardens, still a distance from the house, but not far. Jane wrapped the blanket solely around Henry, providing as many layers between him and the rain as possible. It was wet, and cold, very unlike summer rain, and Jane felt a chill flood her bones. Edward pulled her along with yet more urgency, struggling to get her and their son inside before they became too soaked. Jane knew what pulled on his mind. Last time it had rained like this while himself and Jane were out, he had left her under a tree to keep dry and Captain Franklin's brother had come along and assaulted her. Jane knew he would never leave her alone like that again, especially not with their child, but he also could not chance them catching cold by staying out in the rain. When he had pulled them under an arch in the garden which protected them from the downpour, he stopped abruptly and sized up the condition of Jane's dress. She was quite soaked through, the light grey dress she was wearing looking almost black. As for himself,

"he had little care for his own condition.

"Jane-"

"I am fine".

"It is running from your hair-"

"I am fine".

Jane pealed back the blanket, happy to find Henry nearly completely dry.

"Thank goodness" she said, "The blanket was thick enough. Now I suppose we wait until the rain lets up"

"No. I am going to leave you and Henry here. I cannot chance you getting any more wet, nor him. I will hurry and grab some help, and we will be back to get you. You should be safe here, there are servants all around".

"Edward, no. That is far too much of a hassle for this. I am sure if we simply wait a few more minutes it will let up, and we can make it to the house-"

"I am not having you catch cold from standing in layers of wet clothes, Jane. Who knows when this rain will let up. Stay here".

"But-"

"Do not be so stubborn Jane".

True to his word, he returned for his wife and his son within minutes and they were successfully brought into the house without getting any wetter. Although she had been slightly annoyed at his commanding tone, Edward's care and consideration as a husband could not be overlooked. When he returned to them Jane saw a genuine concern darken his aspect, and when they had made it back to their room and Jane tried to change Henry he had insisted that she go and take off her wet things first and that he would tend to Henry instead.

With as much speed as she could, Jane stripped herself of her soaked undergarments and dress and got changed into a single under-layer that was far warmer and dryer. She pinned her dripping hair up into a bun quickly and returned to help with Henry so that Edward could also change. He did not argue with her, his wet clothes dripped all over the carpet beneath his feet.

In spite of all the chaos, Henry was no longer fussing or upset. Jane bundled him in a blanket and held him close to her on the bed. She could see his eyes, his eyes that were so like his father, begin to drop and when he had settled into a calm and easy sleep she laid him into his crib, swaddled in blankets sure to keep him cosy as she slept.

As she looked down into her son's crib,Jane felt a large and warm hand on her shoulder. A kiss was planted on her cheek as protective arms encircled her. She relaxed back into the embrace, leaning into the warmth that he had in abundance and she did not.

"Come on, you go and sit by the fire and I shall call for some tea".

. . . . .

When Jane woke the next day the house was similarly full of activity, but this day the Rochester's could not escape it. The ball was to take place at seven o'clock, first with a formal dinner and then a dance. Jane tried to be as helpful as possible, even though the Franklin's had a massive body of servants well equipped for the task. After being ushered out of the dining room when she tried to help lay some dinnerware for the night, Jane decided she could be the most help in the nursery. She did not like being away from Henry, and she very much liked the nurses who had been hired to care for Daniel, so she found it pleasant to pass time in the nurses company. Being young, and having never attended a ball, the nurses had lots of questions for Jane about the event in general which even she did not have an answer to. Still, even talking about it kept them well entertained until Jane was forced to leave to get ready. She kissed the babies goodbye and returned to her room.

One of the lady servants in the Franklin home helped Jane get ready. It took quite a long time, far longer than she was used to. But eventually, when the servant had left, Jane stood in front of the long mirror surveying herself. The dress was cream satin with pleats all around the full skirt. Fabric from the neckline of the dress converged at the waist in a v-shape while small capped sleeves ended just above her elbow. She had on accompanying long white gloves. Her hair was styled in two large braids that wrapped from the front of her hair to the back in a sort of crown style with curls freely falling in the back. Very small white flowers had been placed in points along the braid very simply.

Since her last ball, which was some time ago now, Jane felt more comfortable in this situation. More comfortable, however, was not at ease. She still felt like an impostor. The beautiful dress and the prettily fashioned hair did not hide how plain Jane was under it all, nor how little practice she had in carrying herself as a lady married to an important and distinguished man. She smiled at her reflection, at the woman who stood underneath all of the layers of formal wear. Leaving the bathing room beside her bedroom, Jane caught sight of her husband sitting on the edge of the bed before he noticed her.

He looked absorbed in his own thoughts as he unconsciously and slowly tied his cravat with expert precision. His ease of being, his assuredness about life, his constancy made Jane always feel at peace. If for a moment she felt overwhelmed or unsure, one look at him settled her. There it was, she thought, all her hopes of heaven and happiness, all of her love and life concentrated in him, sitting on the edge of their bed, unaware she was thinking any of these things about him.

His head turned when she made a movement. Looking down instantly at her dress, Jane ran her hands over her dresses fabric in search of the reason for her husbands alarm.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. Nothing bad at least. You look absolutely beautiful, Jane. Like a vision"

"Oh" she said quickly, "Thank you".

He chuckled as he stood, pulling on his vest and buttoning it up.

"Always the tone of surprise with you, especially when you are being complimented".

He pulled Jane's mouth to his, wrapping his arms around her waist and putting his hand at the back of her head. Flowers fell from where they had been delicately placed, causing Edward to break the kiss suddenly.

"Oh, sorry love"

He picked them off the floor, collecting them in his hand.

"Turn, let me see if I can put this right".

Grinning, Jane turned back onto him. He did his best to put them back into place and spun Jane around again to face him.

"I am afraid that being kissed in that way is simply a hazard of appearing before a very loving husband looking so lovely".

Jane sent him a knowing, teasing look before holding his face in her hand for a moment, surveying him.

"You, Edward Rochester, may not be the most handsome man at the ball this evening, but no doubt you will be the most clever, the most charming and the most intelligent one. I do not want any women besides myself finding that out".

He chuckled, putting his arms around her waist and holding her at arms length.

"Well, I had no particular plans..."

"I day say you do not"

"Come" he said smiling, taking her by the hand and leading her towards the door.

But something in her chest sunk, and she suddenly had a rush of anxiety fill her system.

"Edward" she said quickly as she grabbed his arm to stop him. He turned around to look at her, concern filling his face.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"Thank you, for making me feel at better. I still find balls intimidating, I still do not fit in with all the people downstairs. You make it all much easier for me".

A nod and a small kiss on her temple.

"Thank goodness you do not fit in with them. I like you just as you are".

"I know. But you know what I mean. I am not of their kind, and they know it as well as I do"

"Yes, but do not make yourself uneasy. You are far better than any woman will be downstairs. I told you before Jane, your station is in my heart, and on the necks of people who would look down upon you. I will be by your side the whole time".

Jane smiled, "Okay. Let us go"

But Edward did not move, he smiled slightly, and then his face relaxed into a serious look as held Jane steady.

"You are meant to enjoy yourself tonight. It is not made to be torture. I would hate to think of you as miserable the whole time".

"I will not be, for I am with you".

"Very well. Let's say goodbye to Henry one more time, and then we shall go downstairs".

. . .

Jane and Edward descended the staircase together, her arm resting on his. As they rounded the corner, the dull buzz of evident conversation grew louder and louder. The foyer, though not the main ballroom, was packed full of people arriving. It was lowly lit by candles lining the walls, and as it was night time it cast a warm glow around the large and spacious entryway. Other couples, linked by arms, chatted to Diana and Captain Franklin who stood in the door greeting their guests. People hovered, engaging in formal and polite conversation with those they knew and were being introduced to strangers by other guests.

As they reached the bottom of the steps, Jane felt the eyes of the room turn onto her, surveying her without reserve. She reminded herself to not look away, and not to avert her gaze to the floor. Instead, she looked at her husband who gave her a reassuring smile and lead her away past the foyer and into the main ballroom.

If Jane had felt overwhelmed by the amount of people in the foyer, it was nothing compared to the number of people gathered in the ballroom. People were packed in around the walls of the room, leaving room in the middle for dancing. Though people spoke lowly in whispered conversations, the sheer amount of people caused the general state of whispering to sound like the noise of a train. There were too many people to see the other side of the room, and Jane clung instinctively closer to her husband.

"Edward, is this normal?"

"Is what normal?"

"This ballroom? The sheer number of people here?"

"Yes, I believe so. Look, I see a path for us to take. This way, our party will be at the head of the room".

Jane obeyed him happily, eager to make it to some familiar faces.

"One time" Edward began, keeping Jane close to him so she could hear his voice over the tumult of sound, "I went to a ball in Russia. It was at the imperial palace. I had been invited last minute and thought since I had no other commitments I would go. Well, the room was about three times the size of this one, covered all in gold. The floor itself seemed to sparkle with gold. And people covered every square inch of the space. There was practically no room for dancing, people were turned away at the doors"

"Really?"

"Indeed"

"And what was it you did the whole night?"

"Drink, talk, dance, and drink more. I will save you a reprimanding look, Jane. I was very young, and very foolish then".

"I was not about to send you a reprimanding look. I know that you have since learned better".

"Indeed. In those days I thought it the height of satisfaction to have the most dance partners by the end of the night as possible. Now I know that it is to only have one".

Jane squeezed his arm.

"Impressive recovery, Mr Rochester".

He smiled warmly at her and continued to guide her towards the front of the room.

"How are dances different in Russia than here?"

"They are far less polite, far less proper" he grinned, "Women are...well, men get away with far more of what they desire".

"Ah" Jane said, considering such to herself, "I see".

"The music there is superb" he continued, "You would love it, Jane. Such melodies as you have never heard before in your life".

"I am afraid I have heard very little in my life to compare it to"

"That is my fault" Edward said, a little sadly and unexpectedly.

Jane was surprised at his reaction. It seemed like the sort of response that was ready prepared, as if this thought had been on his mind for some time. Confused, Jane shook her head,

"What do you mean?"

A group of giggling young girls ran behind Jane, and Edward quickly moved her out of the way, avoiding them smashing into her.

"Well, I promised you I would show you the world when we became married-"

"Which you have"

"Not to the extent I would have liked"

Jane sent him a meaningful look, but at that moment Anne and Mr Eshton walked up to them and grinned brightly.

"My, what a happy looking couple" Anne said, "You are dressed to suit each other perfectly".

Anne was wearing a light pink dress with a drawn skirt and puff sleeves. A bright jewel sparkled on her neck, and her hair was ornately done in a bun on top of her head. She looked very elegant. Mr Eshton was dressed similarly to Edward, and well, except for he had a large pocket watch chain dangling from his pocket and now had some gold rings on his fingers. Not every man chose to wear a wedding ring, but Edward did, and it struck Jane as an odd contrast having her husband with one ring and Eshton seeming now to have one on most of his fingers. It had bothered Anne that he had chosen not to wear a wedding ring, but she had said nothing of it to anyone but Jane.

"Thank you" Jane replied, "You both look well"

"You can still pull yourself together I see Eshton" Edward said, teasing his friend "Where did you obtain all those rings?"

"They were gifts, family heirlooms" he replied, "You could use some yourself Rochester, you only have the one"

"Which I am fine with" he replied quickly, "I do like to be able to use my hands from time to time. Can you lift yours with all that weight?"

"Very funny. Jane, how do you put up with him?"

Jane smiled, "He would know not to cross me in such a way. Besides, much to his dismay I do not have many jewels to wear, and so we cannot comment on me wearing them or not".

Anne laughed, "You wish her to buy more jewels, Mr Rochester?"

"I wish for her to buy anything for herself, frankly. She refuses. But, I am not surprised by that in the least".

"Speaking of surprises" Anne said, "Did you see Mary in the foyer with Diana and Captain Franklin? She is standing with them, greeting guests"

"Really?" Eshton asked, "Impossible. She was considering in her room a little while ago if she was even going to come".

"Something must have changed her mind" Edward shrugged, "But I am glad of it. She deserves to have a good night".

But Jane was not listening to the conversation, she was thinking. Mary was expecting someone, she must have been. Nothing else could have compelled her to wait so boldly in the door when she so wished to remain unseen. It could not be Father Andrew...he was too far away to come all this distance for a ball, especially given what he would have to face there. Who was it then?

"Jane?" Edward was asking, turning on his wife. Anne and Mr Eshton had become tied up in conversation with someone that Jane did not recognise. Edward watched his wife,

"Is everything alright?"

"Was Lady Denver invited, do you know?" Jane asked softly.

"I believe she was out of respect, but I would find it surprising if she came all of this way for a ball of which she already said she was incredibly weary of. Why? Why would it matter if she came?"

"Because she would have news of Father Andrew, and I was thinking that that may be the reason Mary is waiting at the door with Diana and Captain Franklin".

Edward nodded, "Well, I fear that she may not get the answers she wishes to hear. I can hardly imagine-"

"Mr Rochester, Ms Rochester" said a brisk voice.

Jane turned and saw Lady Denver standing before her, balancing on her cane and looking piercingly into her face.

"Lady Denver" Edward said bowing quickly, "How do you do?"

"I will be better once I have stood here for a few minutes. The carriage ride was awful, completely inadequate driver"

"I am sorry to hear that, Lady Denver".

"Are you? Then perhaps you could ensure for me that I will have a comfortable drive home tonight"

The sharp tone of command caused Anne and Mr Eshton to break off their conversations and turn around.

"Oh, hello Lady Denver" Eshton said, bowing to her as well.

She turned on him, quickly silenced him, and wheeled back on Edward.

"How will you ensure that I have a comfortable ride home?"

"Well, Lady Denver, I intend to help you but as you know this is not my home-"

"Is Captain Franklin not your brother by marriage?"

"No he is not, actually" Eshton said, "Diana is Ms Rochester's cousin, not her sister. But regardless-"

"Indeed. Regardless. Mr Eshton I do not remember asking you that question".

Shrinking back into silence, Edward proceeded,

"As I was saying, Lady Denver, this is not my home. So, I will speak with Captain Franklin about arranging a ride home for you. But, I feel confidant enough to say that it will not be a problem. Where is it that you are staying tonight? You cannot be riding all the way back to our county tonight?"

"Of course not. I have a friend, Lady Allen. I am staying at her estate close to here"

"Excellent, well then consider it arranged"

"I will when you have spoken to Captain Franklin".

Eshton went to say something angrily, but Anne tugged his arm to stop him.

"Very well, Lady Denver".

Jane was slightly surprised at her husbands composure, he was usually not so good at managing his feelings when someone was being so obviously rude- but tonight he did not seem to care. They shared a private smile before there was the sound of a clinking glass to draw everyone's attention to the centre of the room where Captain Franklin wad standing with Diana at his side, ready to address the room. Jane happened to turn and see a women standing a little ways off, speaking lowly but with great energy to the girl beside her.

With a jolt of recognition, Jane realised it was Blanche and her sister.


	128. Chapter 128

Hello all!

Hope you are doing well. I am sorry this chapter took a little longer than normal. Again, with my old computer gone it is taking me a little while to re-write all these chapters. But, I hope you enjoy regardless! Please let me know what you think, I love hearing from you, as always. The next little bit I think is quite exciting!

Much love, and much thanks,

xoxoxo

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Ladies and Gentleman" Captain Franklin began, his voice happy and proud as he addressed the room, "It is my great privilege to invite you here tonight for our first ball held here at this house in honour of my new marriage to Ms Franklin-"

He turned to address Diana standing at his side. Jane smiled at her cousin, who looked a little shy but not outwardly uncomfortable as she acknowledged the room.

"I must say. Since becoming married to my wife I have been introduced to her own family and friends who have very quickly become such to me as well. I would be a very poor host indeed if I did not introduce you to them myself, for as interesting and kind as they all are, you all will wish to speak with them over the course of the evening. And, luckily, they all stand together at the front of the room".

Where he had indicated, every head in the room turned on Jane, Edward, Anne, Eshton and Mary.

"My sister in law, Ms. Mary Rivers, our wonderful friends Mr Eshton and his wife Ms Anne Eshton, and our dear friends and mentors on marriage, Mr Edward Rochester and Ms Jane Rochester".

The room addressed them kindly, and Jane smiled at a few people who acknowledged her personally. The familiar hand in the small of Jane's back made her smile ever so slightly to herself. When the rooms attention had been brought back to Captain Franklin, Jane's eyes fell once again upon the two Ingram sisters were speaking lowly to each other rather than listening to the host.

When Blanche's sister had arrived at Thornfield hall, she had been dulled in comparison to her sister. She was less beautiful, less graceful, less accomplished, but in no way was insufficient, she only appeared such in comparison. Because of a lower natural confidence, she had been labelled by the party as quiet and lacking substance in conversation. Jane had only spoken with her once, when the others were getting saddled up for riding. She did not want to go, and there had been little care expressed at her refusal to ride. So, she had spoken with Jane for only a moment, but she had left with the feeling that Blanche's sister felt very unwanted and unimportant in her sisters shadow. She had been younger then too, only seventeen or eighteen. A year younger than Jane had been, perhaps. How easy it is to feel unwanted and lost at such an age.

But since that time, she now appeared rather differently. She looked taller, more self assured, more at ease in this environment. She dressed rather well, in a dark purple dress with gold decorations around the bodice and skirt. Her hair was piled high in an elaborate showing of bows and ribbons. She was only now nineteen or twenty at most, but she appeared far older. The most striking feature, however, was the look on her face of having possessed a secret of which everyone in the world wished to be a part of, but only she had the answer to. It was an oddly prideful look, one that should have attracted attention and drawn people in, but instead the sisters stood alone together in the middle of the room.

"Please, enjoy the ball. Dinner shall be called shortly".

Blanche turned back on her side when everyone relaxed into their own conversations once more and Jane saw her large round bump protruding from under her dress. Jane could see that several people were looking at her, speaking in the ears of their companions with cupped hands. Jane felt an overwhelming amount of pity for her. No one deserved to be singled out so much, no matter what they had done. Not when what people believed you to be mattered so much. Her eyes locked with Jane's for a moment before a man stepped between them and began speaking with the sisters.

Jane turned on her husband, his face aglow with pride and love. It took Jane out of her momentary thoughts and concentrated all her feeling in him.

"What is it?" she asked

"Nothing"

"You are aware that every time you answer me in some vague way, I will be forced to ask you what it means"

He smiled, his mouth half opened in response before he closed it and nodded once.

"Being here, around all these people, knowing that they cannot love their spouses one hundredth of the amount I love you makes me feel overwhelmingly lucky".

Jane grinned, looking around her before looking back at her husband.

"I think I like these sorts of balls. There is a strange amount of privacy amongst all these people".

Edward laughed, nodding.

"You are very right. In small parties there is never any privacy. You know, it was nice to have Franklin introduce us in the way that he did, but it will pretty much ensure that we will have no privacy for the rest of the evening"

"Because now that we have been introduced to the group anyone will be free to speak to us?"

"Exactly" he said quietly, turning in time to see a man approaching.

"Mr Rochester" the round and loud man boomed, "How do you do? It has been some time".

"Indeed, Charles. How are you?"

"Excellent m'boy"

"May I introduce my wife to you, Ms Jane Rochester"

"Ah yes, how do you do" he said quickly glancing quickly at her. The woman who stood beside him, clearly his wife, looked frustrated at her lack of recognition. "It has been so long. How is it you have come to know Franklin? What a nice chap he is".

"He is husband to Jane's cousin, Diana".

"Ah is he? Is he? Well good to know. I meet the chap when he served in the army. Well-meaning and charming".

"Indeed, he is a good man".

"And are you still up for the magistracy position? Last I heard you were in the running"

"No, I am not actually. Our friend Eshton, whom Franklin introduced the group to, took the position"

"Too bad. You would have made a good politician. Fair and just, you are. Why did you give it up to your friend?"

"I did not want to spend so much time away from my family. I realised it would have demanded far too much of my time. I was not willing to sacrifice that".

"Very noble of you, Rochester. For your family, I am sure they appreciated that. Perhaps that is the problem with politicians, the men we want in office are home with their families and the ones we do not want are happy to leave their families at home".

Edward stifled a knowing smile.

"Perhaps, Charles".

There was an announcement made for dinner and the large group of assembled people began to move towards the opened doors.

"Well, it was good seeing you again. Must go find our seats. Excuse me".

He left while his wife trailed behind him sheepishly.

Jane took her husbands arm as they too began to move towards the opened ballroom doors. She tugged lightly on him, watching the man who had come up to them start speaking with Eshton ahead of them.

"He certainly seems like quite the socialite"

"He is" Edward confirmed, "At one time he worked for the king. But that time for him is long gone, he had some scandal which happened and had him thrown from office. Now he just thrives on the memory of what he once was- an important man".

Jane surveyed her husband, and then back at the man speaking enthusiastically Eshton.

"He strikes me as a kind man, but one I would not wish to tell my secrets to".

Laughing, Edward nodded.

"The joke in town is that if you wish to have your secret told to everyone, you tell Charles".

Jane grinned and moved into the foyer and then into the dining room. She and Edward were seated at the top of the main table which was so long that it stretched the entirety of the room. Other shorter tables, but still very long, flagged the main table on both sides and already had guests settled into their seats. Pulling out her chair, Edward allowed Jane to sit before taking his place beside her.

Mary was besides Jane, and Anne and Eshton across from her. Diana and Captain Franklin settled themselves at the top of the table, the Captain looking invigorated and Diana looked drained.

"How are you holding up, Diana?" Edward asked. She turned to him, looking a little dazed.

"Oh good, there have been so many people-"

"I think that that is the point, Diana" Anne smiled, "Everyone wants to meet the new Ms Franklin".

"I'm just not used to being the centre of attention" she confessed.

Jane grinned across the table, "I understand you perfectly Diana".

Franklin shook his head, "My goodness, so many people here with so little experience of balls. This is not meant to be difficult"

Anne scoffed, "Excuse me, but I am very well equipped and I love it"

What was your first ball, Franklin?" Eshton asked, "I know of Rochester's, and he of mine. But we know little of your early experiences"

Franklin shrugged, "I would say that my experience would be the regular one for young men. I started attending mostly with my uncle Robert when I was sixteen years old. My younger sister was quite jealous of me, but of course she was. Young women always dream of the time when they too can attend balls and show themselves off to the young men present. But I always enjoyed them. I like dancing, I like the company of other people. I like being in large crowds, so many interesting people to talk to"

"I dare say you do enjoy a ball then" Rochester said, "A true socialite if ever I heard one"

"Surely your experience was the same Rochester. Do not tell me that you had never enjoyed a ball"

"To do so would be untrue. I enjoyed balls in my youth, then went through a period in the middle of my life where I quite detested them, and now I like them again"

"Why the shift?" Eshton asked,

"Well, most of it was my brother, who was a cruel and horrible man much to the taste of my father and my mother, until she passed. He attracted much attention at balls as you can well imagine. I was less forthcoming, less impressive overall".

"But" Eshton interjected, smiling, "A far better dancer"

"Rochester!" Franklin said angrily, "I did not know you had a brother. How dare you hold such information from me"

"Nor did I" Anne said, looking slightly confused, "Jane, of course you did?"

"Certainly. I know little of him though"

"That is because there is just that much to know" Rochester explained, "He died young, spoiled, unmarried, and without having left a single positive mark on one human being. That is my brothers legacy, and so in truth, there is not much to be said".

"He is right" Eshton said, "I only meet the bloke once, a very long time ago, while our Rochester was overseas. He was nothing to remark on, apart from a thin shadow of his brothers apparent intellect and success in school".

"That is so nice" Anne said, nodding at her husband,

"I do not say it to flatter. It is merely the truth. I did not know Rochester at that point, but he had been at school and did very well. That reputation proceeded him. His brother was a striking contrast to say the least".

Edward laughed, shaking his head, "How ones reputation can be misleading".

"Nonsense. Your false modesty does not suit you, friend. You could have run circles around me academically. You know it. You gave me half the books on the human mind which I now study".

"Enough of this" Franklin said, cutting them both off "You two are making me quite jealous. I did not go to school, I went straight to the army. I have none such stories of school to speak of".

"Nor do we" Anne said, indicating the women sitting around her. Her tone was light, but Jane knew the painful truth which rang behind her words.

"Oh Anne, how unfair you are to us-" Eshton began, but he caught Jane's look and smiled. "You look rather curious Jane. Are you to contradict us?"

"Not contradict, Mr Eshton. Only to offer a different perspective. You speak, Captain Franklin, of having no experiences of university because you chose to join the army. We women have none to speak of because we cannot go to university, nor pursue any other profession, even if we wished to. Where men are handed their wealth, their occupation, we cannot even earn ours. This is the reality that women face in most areas compared to the men in their lives".

"Indeed you are right, Jane. But there is a simple reason for it. Women are intended to be wives and mothers. It is the role that God intended for them, and what an honour. Men take care of everything else because that is the role, in turn, that God intended for them, to be caretakers and providers to their families. What of school, if one is to become a mother to a household of children? Why would one need it?"

Franklin's response was in no way unkind. Jane knew that. He was only repeating what he had been taught from childhood, and what he saw in his youth. He was a very good husband to Diana, he was kind and encouraging. Most of all he did not lay a hand to her, or force her into anything that she was unwilling to do. And yet Jane could see her sitting beside him and knew that she would never challenge what he was currently saying- that to do so would be disrespectful, and thus wrong. Jane was fully aware of how lucky she had been all along- how rare it was to have an employer who would bring her books, ask her to read them, and then discuss them with her like an equal. At that time, Edward Fairfax Rochester had not been her equal, not in knowledge, not in worldliness. And yet, he had treated her as such, allowed her to read and ask questions to her hearts content. He did not trample her, did not berate her. He had always treated her with a respect that allowed her to be comfortable around him, to open up to him, to challenge him and talk openly with her. She had known it was exceedingly rare, and this moment reminded her of it.

"Jane, you look as if there is more on your mind" Eshton said, "I should very much like to hear it. I love a good discussion, and I know you are an equal match to anything Franklin says".

"I do not mean it to be a debate. I only speak as someone who has a very different point of view, and as a woman who has always been given more equality than some women experience in their own marriages. I simply believe that a woman's needs and wants matter. They matter because she is not just a birthing machine, she is not just an audience to hear her husband's woes and thoughts. Women are people too, with thoughts and feelings and emotions that need validation just as much as a man's do. To tell a woman what her role is is to deny her ability to have choice in her own life".

Edward grinned broadly to himself beside his wife.

"I agree with you" Franklin said, "I agree most wholeheartedly. But I would suggest, Jane, that you do not speak for the majority of women. You are very intelligent, that much has always been clear. You, like Diana and Mary, were trained in teaching that knowledge to others. Most other women, especially those of the upper class, have no desires other than to marry and live a life of luxury".

"Perhaps some, but it is also likely that the thoughts of living a different way has never even crossed their minds, for a formal education or a career seem like such an unlikely possibility that it is never a consideration in a woman's future".

"So you are saying that you think most women would choose to attend school? Or train themselves in a career over being mothers and wives?"

"Not exactly. I am saying that while it is not an option for women, we cannot possibly know".

"Fascinating" Eshton said, "Jane you must be endlessly interesting to talk to".

"No more interesting than any other woman. We all share similar thoughts, I am sure".

Anne and Diana nodded together, Mary twirled her food around her plate, looking over the heads of those on the opposite side of the table, clearly distracted.

"And how do you feel on the subject, Mr Rochester?" Anne asked, her hands folded on her lap.

"I think that the fact women are denied almost every experience of life that men take for granted and are expected to be content with it is insulting and degrading. Jane is far superior to me in every way, including intellect. Her gender has nothing to do with that, only her curiosity for life and her ability to remember what she reads. I do not forget that reality".

Diana opened her mouth to respond, but at that moment there was a commotion down along the table as plates clattered and a sharp voice rang out throughout the dining hall. The buzz of conversation fell silent as all heads turned toward the noise.

"No no!" the voice reprimanded, "I cannot eat that. Stone cold it is. I am likely to take ill from it. Take it away".

Captain Franklin rolled his eyes at Lady Denver and turned to Diana looking rather desperate.

"Why is she discontent with everything?"

"Do not take it personally" Jane assured, "She seems this way about most things".

"Indeed. She demanded transport home after the event" Edward said, "She asked me to secure it for her, Franklin. I said I was almost sure your carriage would be available".

"Of course" he said, "Anything that will take her away".

Edward and Eshton stiffed their snort of laughter while Diana scolded her husband. When Anne turned to her husband, caught up in a question of a wealthy aristocrat on the opposite side of the room, Edward turned on Jane.

"How are you doing?" he asked lowly, his eyes filled with loving concern.

"Very well" she responded, so that no one but him could hear, "Do you think I still look the part?"

"Every bit of the part. And acting it too. You kept everyone thoroughly entertained during the first course".

Jane blushed very slightly, "I only spoke the truth. I cannot lie".

"I would never want you to" he said honestly, "I am proud of who you are, I would never ask you to hide that. Even if it made these stubborn men uncomfortable".

Jane smiled, "Do you think Henry is doing well?"

"Well, seeing as you told the nurses perhaps fifty times that if he began crying to find someone to come down and get you, I think it is safe to say that he is doing very well".

"When you put it like that, you make me seem rather-"

"Caring? That is because you are. But all is well with him, I am sure Ms Rochester".

"Very well, Mr Rochester- if you insist".

"No! No, this will not do either! Where is the cook? I must speak with the cook directly"

Franklin threw down his napkin on the table and stood up, "Excuse me"

The top of the table all tried to hide their laughter as he marched down the table towards Lady Denver looking thoroughly unimpressed.

. . . . .

When the plates from dinner were cleared away some time later, everyone began to move slowly back into the ball room. Men who had consumed too much wine with dinner now stumbled and swayed on the spot, trying desperately to stay upright as people shuffled past them.

"I think we are about to see some of the uglier sides of balls" Rochester said in his wife's ear as he guided her through into the main room once again.

"I remember when you had your own house guests over there was a man who got quite drunk one night and was rather unwell on the staircase. I am not a stranger to the darker sides of men's drinking, I assure you".

"That was Captain Graham. But Jane, how do you know that?" he asked in surprise.

"Well because I was the servant he meet on the stairs" she replied simply.

"What!?"

"I was coming down from my own servants dinner upstairs when he meet me on the stairs. He was trying to make it back to his own room but was quite disorientated. I tried to help him as best I could, but he was rather sick before I could help him much".

"That was you?!"

"Yes! But I do not know why you look so surprised at present"

"Because Jane, if I had known it was you I would have given him a proper sobering up immediately"

"Why if it was me would it have mattered more? What about another servant?"

"I was under the impression that it was a male servant he bothered. That is what I was told at the time"

"Well, I thought you might have been frustrated if you learned it was me-"

"Indeed I would have been."

"And, well, I did not think it was worth your concern. You were rather occupied with other things at that time, if I am remembering correctly."

Edward looked very much annoyed as they entered the ballroom, but Jane only tugged on his sleeve lightly to bring his attention back to her.

"You know, in truth, I would have been angriest that lying to me, as you so cunningly did, robbed me of the chance to come and check on your well being after the incident. I would have very much enjoyed that"

Jane smiled, "I know you would have. Well, now at least I do".

Edward drew Jane to him and kissed her forehead, lingering ever so slightly before drawing back. It was the maximum of public affection that could be shown, and even though within proper etiquette rules, it drew attention from those standing around them. Jane suspected it was because outward signs of affection, even though appropriate, were rare in this circle of people.

Jane's cheek burned with a furious blush as people gazed upon them but Edward was unphased, not taking his eyes off his wife's face.

"Look at me in that way all you want, Jane Rochester, with those wide green eyes of yours, but there is something in the blush of your face that I will never grow tired of".

"I am glad, for if you carry on like that for the rest of the night you shall see it in abundance".

"Do not tempt me" he warned before sighing, "Am I to be reprimanded for just one kiss on the forehead?"

"Not yet" she responded, squeezing his hand.

There was the sound of chairs scraping the floor as the musicians took their spots in the balcony that hung over the dance floor. Captain Franklin reappeared and lead Diana onto the dance floor first before other couples joined them in line.

"Ms Rochester, if you are not otherwise engaged, would you do me the honour of this dance?"


	129. Chapter 129

Thank you all very, very much for your love and support. Again, I am so sorry it is taking a while to get these chapters out after my laptop and story notes were taken, but things are quieter now and I will be able to post more frequently!

Your comments mean the world to me. Thank you so much 3

xoxoxo

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Jane took the hand which had been extended to her, trying desperately to swallow her fear as Edward guided her onto the dance floor. They aligned themselves across from one another so that Jane could see how confidant yet at ease her husband looked compared to herself. How strange that he looked so natural when Jane felt like such so out of place. The music started, and much to Jane's relief it was a slow song that involved elegant sweeps across the floor rather than fast, coordinated dance moves. The pairs all stepped forward in union, taking their partners hands and turning on the spot. The hand that Jane's now rested in felt very familiar, and her thoughts of everyone watching her fell away step by step. The couples switched hands, moving the other way around one another. Jane smiled at Edward as she turned under his arm, falling back into her place in line. This routine continued for several minutes until the final strings of the violin were pulled and the song came to an end. All of the dancing couples slowed and came to a stop in the lines they had started in. Applause rang out for the musicians overhead and the men lead the women off of the dance floor. Jane gripped Edward's arm as he lead them into the crowd where there was fewer people lingering to watch the dance floor.

"Very good, Jane. I am rather impressed with you"

"Last time you told me I was not a terrible dancer. You sound rather surprised now that I did not trip and land on the floor".

"No" he laughed, "No, I meant that you looked at ease, if not comfortable. I am glad. You absolutely glowed as you danced. It blinded everyone in the room by comparison".

Jane felt genuinely touched by her husbands love.

"Thank you. But, in fairness it was all you. You are naturally such a talented dancer. If such was not the case, I should not look graceful at all".

"Untrue. If that was the case you would look more ungraceful besides me in comparison. You are a good dancer. How could you not be? I taught you".

Jane grinned, but her eye caught something as she turned.

Blanche and her sister were standing slightly behind the crowd, where they would not be watched by people and seemed to be in not an argument, but a somewhat heated conversation. Blanche had her hand on her forehead, which was pale white and clammy, while the other hand rested on her pregnant stomach. Her sister was waving her arms, and Jane suspected that if she was not trying to conceal their conversation from those around them, she would have been frantic.

Jane turned to Edward to draw his attention to them but he was already watching.

"Edward-"

"I know. Come, we will see what we can do".

When they approached, Blanche did something for the first time which took Jane off guard. She did not put up a fake facade of happiness as she watched them approach. Rather, her face contorted in pain and she took a somewhat strained breath.

"Blanche, are you well?" Edward asked, bowing to her customarily.

"She is" her sister said quickly, "Thank you, Mr Rochester".

"With all due respect, Mariah, I was asking your sister".

"Oh, yes, of course".

Mariah's eyes fell on Jane and then moved back to Rochester before Blanche straightened up. It took an excruciating amount of effort for Blanche to do this, and so Jane believed the next words that came out of her mouth easily.

"I am rather uncomfortable. I am warm and overwhelmed. I have a very bad headache all of a sudden".

"I am sure it is all the heat and noise in this room" Jane said, "Would you like to step outside for a little while? Perhaps fresh air-"

"No. No thank you, I mean." she said quickly, checking her quick and dismissive tone, "I was already outside for a little while but found it too cold".

"Then let us retreat to another room for a little while" Jane encouraged, "One a little more quiet. Then I am sure you will feel better and return to the party. I will escort you and your sister-"

"Yes, well, the fact of the matter is that I wish to remain here in the party. I have friends who should be returning soon and it would be rude for me to abandon them on account of my sister feeling a little light headed. You will not mind, will you Blanche?".

Blanche did not look surprised at her sisters words. She only nodded and assured her that she would be well and return soon. Mariah agreed and was gone as soon as it was physically possible to wade through the crowd. Jane now suspected that the silent disagreement between the sisters had been about Blanche taking up her sisters valuable social time by being unwell, and she felt a rather odd surge of support for Blanche.

They moved into the sitting room where Jane was completely ignored by Blanche. She only asked Edward questions that had no connection to anything Jane could relate to or comment on. Blanche only asked of people, of old acquaintances between them whom she clearly had no interest in outside of using them to isolate Jane from the conversation. The questions seemed half-hearted, and absolutely pointless now. But it was of little matter. Jane recognised that they were, most likely, never to be friends, but never wished to be the type of person who abandoned someone in their time of need.

Blanche sat down on the sofa, the quiet and darkness of the room seeming to do her much good. When she commented that she was warm, Edward stood and said that he was going to go and fetch some cooling cloths from the servants and that he would return momentarily. Jane had no idea of why he had left her alone with Blanche, the women who had repeatedly tried to dampen her spirits at every possible moment, but when she looked up, Jane spoke without hesitation.

"When I was pregnant, I often found-"

"Yes, everyone is always trying to tell me advice from when they were pregnant. I have heard it all by this point, I can assure you"

"Very well then"

A pause.

"Well there is no need to sit there in silence now"

"There seems to be every reason for it. You clearly do not wish to talk with me, and I would not make you do that if you feel miserable".

"It is not that I do not wish to talk with you...though perhaps that is it a little bit".

Jane surveyed her,

"Blanche, I know we may never be friends-"

"Well, I-"

"No, please. Let me say my piece and I will hear yours. I know we may never be friends. I know we come from very different backgrounds, that I am not the sort of person with whom you wish to be associated. I know I was a servant, and that I married a man, a very rich man, that I believe you once had feelings for. But the truth is that we travel in similar circles, we see each other from time to time in passing, and why should there not be politeness between us, if there is never to be friendship?"

Blanche struggled with forming a reply. She stopped and started multiple times, struck, Jane was sure, by the civility of the answer. Finally, pausing, she abandoned any agenda and spoke from an honest place.

"Jane, you remind me of the type of person who has always had a strong sense of what is right and wrong in the world that comes from your own conscience. I, on the other hand, have been told from birth that to marry for love is wrong, to be kind to those beneath you is wrong, to lower yourself to the associations of those beneath you is wrong. I have always believed this to be true because I have never had any reason to doubt it. Recently though, this way of thinking has made me very unhappy and I do not wish to be unhappy. I want an easy life, I want a life of no disruption. I want to do my social activities and then come home to a comfortable house. It has made me rethink a lot, and I wish it hadn't because I am tired of considering it in my mind".

Jane nodded slowly, understanding flooding her. Of course Blanche felt lost. Her whole life had been ease and comfort, and now that she had married a man who made her profoundly unhappy she had no one to blame but herself. She had made her life difficult- taken away her own ease and was struggling to understand that.

"I assume you speak of your marriage? Or of your pregnancy? You can talk to me, Blanche. As you have told me before, I have very few social connections, and I am so quiet that your confidences are safer with me than anyone else out in that ball room"

"And why should I tell you?"

"Because I believe I could help you, and I care whether or not you are-".

"You? You care about me?"

"Of course I do" Jane said, "In spite of you never showing me decency or respect, I do not hold that against you".

Blanche nodded once, her jaw stiff.

"Very well. Despite all I was ever told in such simple terms, my prosperous marriage has not brought me any measure of happiness. I live a very lonely life"

"And yet you find that you are surrounded by people?"

"That is what does not make sense. I have a house full of servants, a husband, acquaintances that stop by from time to time. I should not be lonely".

"Well, perhaps it is that you miss the attention that being a single woman afforded you. In such a situation, you were perused by men, flattered because you are beautiful, and were validated just for existing. All of that attention you received for so long is gone now with you married, and perhaps you miss the effortlessness of such affection?".

Blanche looked thoughtful.

"I have always been flattered, Jane, because I have always been beautiful. I think for as long as I remain such I will continue to be flattered. But my unhappiness has not been only because of my loneliness. It is also this pregnancy. I thought it would bring me some attention, that people would flock to me to ask me questions of this child's birth, but it has only brought with it scandal and shame. My husband does not care, for in truth he has lived too long to consider what other people think with very much seriousness. The scandal has stopped people for caring for me, however, and that bothers me. I cannot do this alone- I cannot have a baby and have no one care about it".

"Do you not care about your child yourself?"

Blanche shrugged, "I am sure I will, once it is born. But, for now, I do not know the child and thus it is difficult to care for it"

"But do you think about how you are bringing life into the world in creating your own family? That alone is very much to care about. If you yourself indeed care that a child is coming into this world because of you, then that is enough".

Blanche shook her head,

"I do not agree with you, Jane. Having a child is a marker of social status. It confirms that your family name will carry on, that you will continue to live a legacy when you are gone. It ensures that fortune passes through the family and remains where it should and confirms that you have done your part".

"Indeed, but all of that does not truly become relevant until that child of yours marries, perhaps at twenty years old. Is not twenty years a long time to wait to find meaning in having a child?".

"Perhaps, if I was the mothering sort, but I am not. I wish I could say something more on the topic but I cannot".

Jane surveyed Blanche for a long time before she responded. Her hands twisted uncomfortably in her lap and Jane knew that although Blanche was probably being more honest with her than she had been with anyone in a very long time, she was not telling the absolute truth about what she was feeling. Her forehead did not relax, but remained tight and troubled. Her very thoughts sat on the air, unresolved. Sighing, Jane took great pity on the person before her. She seemed truly alone.

"I would not hold yourself in so harsh a judgement, Blanche. I know that it is difficult to imagine what being a mother is like before you become one. But you cannot know what it is like to have a child until they are laying in your arms. I cannot even describe it to you, but it is unlike any other feeling in the world. Surely such a concept will not feel so foreign to you. Be kind to yourself, and do not have expectations for yourself that are unfair".

"You really think that such a feeling will not be so foreign to me when my child is born?"

Blanche's poor attempt to hide her desperation, to be reassured, touched Jane's heart. Taking her hand, she nodded.

"I am very sure".

"'Well then" Blanche said, dropping Jane's hand from her own as if she had only realised what had happened, "I guess we shall see when the time comes"

"Which will be soon enough by the looks of you!"

"Indeed, within the month I suspect"

"And is your husband pleased?"

"Oh yes" she said, her lips closing in on each other, "He is. But in truth we have not spoken much about it. He has been away, you see, and has only just arrived home"

"Where is he tonight?" Jane asked, "I have not had the pleasure of seeing him here yet"

"He was late leaving our home. He had some unexpected business to attend to. I would have stayed with him but as you know my sister is visiting, and so I did not want to delay her outing".

"Of course" Jane replied, but there was something rather odd about the situation. Why would he have left her to fend for herself knowing that her pregnancy with a child that was not his own had caused much scandal. It was rather cruel, Jane pondered, but then again by all reports he was a cruel man. Perhaps it was not so surprising after all.

"Can I ask you something, Jane?"

Blanche's tone was calm, and even.

"Of course"

"Did you hate me when I visited Thornfield Hall all that time ago?"

"No" Jane replied honestly

"You did not hate me? In spite of me flirting and courting a man whom I believe you were, at that point, in love with?"

"No, I did not. For although I did love him, and have from almost the first moments I came to know him, I understood that you were of his class and station. I knew I did not have anything to offer him, not in looks or assets or family connections. For him to have loved me would have been too much happiness for me to understand in my common, plain life. I had no expectations".

"Then you did not mind?"

"I did mind, for I did not think you a good match for him, and I cared about his happiness very much".

"Of course" she mused knowingly, "I should have suspected that was why you would have had a problem with me. Not became my marrying him would have denied you happiness, and a life of luxury, but because it would have made him unhappy".

Jane shrugged. "I speak the truth".

"I only ask because I have seen the way you are with him. In turn I have seen the way he is with you. The thing is Jane, I have known Mr Rochester a very long time. Longer than I care to admit, frankly. I have seen him in many social situations, surrounded by, and talking to many women. Although he is always admired, he never admired in return. I thought he may have held such feelings for me at some point but I was wrong. He never esteemed me, he only tolerated me with a politeness I mistook for flattery".

She looked to Jane before continuing, her eyes bent on the carpet.

"I have not liked you especially well because I saw that Mr Rochester loved you in spite of everything that should have mattered to him. As you said, you are not beautiful, nor rich, nor connected, and yet he loved you anyways. I believe he even saw you as a sort of friend at times. It angered me because it contradicted what I was told would be the result of my wealth and beauty. But, lately...only of very late, I have come to lose some of these strong feelings towards you".

"Why?"

"Because, I see that if he broke from the social mould in loving you, broke from custom and habit, he could never have been the man for me. I need the values of society, of beauty and money to be at the centre of my marriage. It is the only thing I know, the only thing I am comfortable with. It makes sense, and it is easier this way".

"Then you have found your happiness, and I have found mine. Surely that constitutes us being kinder to one another"

"Have you not always been kind to me, Jane? It is only I who has been unkind to you"

Jane smiled slightly,

"That does not matter. What quarrel do we have now, Blanche? Which did we ever have that constitutes anything but civility between us at present?"

As she went to answer the door opened and Edward returned with servants holding cooling cloths in copper buckets. Blanche looked relieved, excited even as they were brought nearer to her.

"How are you feeling?" Mr Rochester asked politely.

"Better, thank you".

"Very well then" he replied

"I have been speaking with Jane" Blanche continued, clearly looking for a warmer response from him than he was giving. She waited for him to reply in the way he saw fit.

Mr Rochester had never liked Blanche. At first it was because she was vain, shallow and only interested in her own personal gains. Since marrying Jane, however, he had disliked her for a far more personal reason. She had been cruel to his wife and had implied repeatedly upon seeing them together that they were not a suitable match. This had angered him, and blocked any chance of genuine reconciliation between them. But the encouraging look on Jane's face told him that he did not have to worry about proceeding cautiously.

"We...well, I have been telling Jane of the reasons for my attitude towards her. If I was a better woman, I could form a better answer, perhaps even an apology. But such is hard for me, and too foreign".

"Jane does not need your apology, Blanche. You have not wounded her, nor afflicted her deeply with your demeanour towards her".

"Regardless of my husband's correctness, Blanche, I appreciate your honesty and I admire your courage. I have a notion that it is not often that you are so genuine, and thus I am thankful for the effort. Now I want you to know that there is truly nothing between us but common association, and on my part well wishes".

"And on mine too" she assured, "I mean that earnestly".

At that moment the door opened and Lord Marcus waddled in, looking annoyed and put out that he had to come and find his wife.

"What are you doing?" he asked, more animated than Jane had ever seen him, "To find you I had to ask your sister of your whereabouts"

"Excuse us" Edward said, taking Jane's arm and leading her from the room. With one final look at Blanche, Jane rounded the corner into the foyer that was full of activity.

"Do not worry about that, Jane" Edward warned, "Nothing good can come from meddling in other people's affairs"

"I was not meddling, I was only concerned"

"Yes. And because I know you I know that your heart is far too large for your own good. Blanche may have opened up to you, but regardless of the truth of her words she is still a woman who is selfish and is paying for the consequences of such. She knew he was a bad man when she married him, Jane. She knew she was only marrying for money. If she is now unhappy that is unfortunate, but not surprising. I will not allow you to have your feelings weighted by the concerns of such a person".

Jane caressed his hand with her thumb, looking into his face.

"I would kiss you now, if I could"

"Do not tease me, Jane. You forget I am a man with little self control".

"Hm, in this moment I think I wish you possessed a little less self control" she smiled, pulling herself away from him and moving back into the main ball room. He followed her, grinning.


	130. Chapter 130

Hello all!

Thank you, very much, for all your continued patience.

And thank you, thank you, for all the incredible messages I get, and for those posting as a guest. I cannot see your name but I am immensely grateful for the love and support. Receiving messages from you truly makes my day.

I hope you are all well, and feeling happy!

More coming soon! xoxoxox

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

As the pair reentered the ball room, Jane caught sight of Mary and Lady Denver standing off to the side engaged in private conversation. For a moment Jane had the great urge to walk over, for she did not want Lady Denver saying anything upsetting to Mary about being a mother without a husband. But as she turned, set on her goal, Edward grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"No Jane" he said seriously, "There is no need. Look at Mary, she appears happy enough talking to Lady Denver".

At that moment Mary's face broke into a smile and Lady Denver tapped her arm gently with the fan in her hand. Jane sighed, rolling her eyes at her own rashness.

"Thank you. That would have been foolish of me, and never could have ended well. I am just so worried that Mary will encounter unpleasantness tonight that will set her back".

"Well, as far as I know she has not experienced anything like that, for I think she is too intent on her task to notice anything else. Earlier, I overheard her asking Lady Denver if she had heard anything recently of Father Andrew"

"Did you indeed?" Jane asked, "Lady Denver sees father weekly, if not more often than that. Of course she would think to ask her. How did she sound?"

"A little dejected, but trying very hard to hide it"

"Hm"

"It is too bad, Jane" Edward acknowledged, "For I think they would have made a good pair, Mary and Father Andrew. Life can be very unfair at times".

"It is all immensely unfair. Everyone deserves happiness. Especially someone like Mary who has suffered greatly at the hand of another. She has now been forever denied the possibility of a normal life, of contentment, and none of it was her own doing".

"You never know, love" Edward suggested, "For I understood myself at one time to be doomed to nothing less than a life of utter misery. I was to be forever plagued by a mistake which consumed every good feeling in my life. Look at all I have now. You do not know what is in store for Mary, so we must hope for the best".

Jane nodded, squeezing his hand.

"I think our goal from now on should be to try and encourage her to feel more connected with her son"

"You do not think that she shuns the child because he is also the son of her attacker, do you?"

"I am almost sure that is part of it. But she is also afraid, and confused and thinks herself unfit for the work involved. Look how hard it is to raise Henry, and there is two of us!"

"Indeed, for I know that the kind nurses who have been hired are not the-"

"Jane! Mr Rochester! where have you been?" Diana asked, coming up short in front of the pair, "We have been looking all over for you. You suddenly vanished on us."

"We did not vanish" Rochester said, "We were attending to one of your ill guests"

"Ill? Who is ill?" Franklin asked, catching up to them.

"Blanche Marcus"

"You were with her all this time?" Anne gasped, making her presence suddenly known, "I saw you exiting the room with her but that was some time ago. Why should you stay with such a person so long?"

"She was unwell, and laboured with more than a physical affliction. It would have been cruel to leave her alone while she was in such a way. Even her sister would not see to her. We left when her husband came into the room".

"Oh Jane" Anne said, "I would not have one ounce of time for her, nor one second. I do not know how you can stand it"

"Well thankfully she did not demand it of you, darling" Eshton said, "I think she knows who to go to if she wished for sympathy".

"At any rate" Rochester cut in, "Jane does not need to be harassed by you lot for having been more thoughtful than any of us would have been".

She grinned at her husband.

"But I should think you hate Blanche, Rochester?" Eshton said, "I certainly do. All those long gatherings we attended with that crowd at one time. How tedious they were, and primarily because of her".

"I pity her" Edward said simply, "I do not hate her just for being prideful, vain and selfish. Those are the qualities of ninety percent of the wealthy people here, I am sure. She is no different from the rest".

"Indeed" Franklin said, leaning in and speaking very low, "Half of the people here are detestable and the other half ridiculous. I forgot how tiring hosting truly is".

"And which half are we in, Captain Franklin?" Anne asked, smiling "Are we detestable or are we ridiculous".

"Neither ma'am, if you are willing to forgive my mathematical blunder".

"But of course".

"Oh Anne" Eshton rolled his eyes, "Of course you forgive him. You could not stay mad at any person if you tried. Surely you would forget that you were supposed to be upset with them".

"Be careful Mr Eshton" Jane warned, "I think you are creating your own experiment here that you may not like the results of".

He laughed heartily, but as he looked to his right he groaned.

"Well, despite how much I have enjoyed a break in speaking with you all I must return to Lord Pierce, for he expects me".

He turned on his heel and Anne followed. Shortly after the Franklin's did the same. Once again, Jane was left alone with Edward.

Jane watched Franklin move through the crowd slowly, for he was stopped by people continually as he walked. His charm and his friendly disposition allowed him to flit between people with ease, feeling none the more burdened for having spoken with them all. Still, there was something strange in the encounters. The men who stopped him were not young, nor kind, nor connected to him in any way. The conversations were not long, almost as if the people stopping him wished to account for some part of his supposed reputation before allowing him to leave once more.

"Edward?"

"Yes darling?"

"Is Captain Franklin a popular man?" she asked quietly.

"I do not think he is unpopular by any means, though he is certainly not as well known or respected as his family was. What makes you ask?"

"Well, I find that for a sea captain there is an oddly numerous amount of people here. I know he and his family are well connected, but Eshton went off to speak with Lord Pierce whom I know is an exceptionally busy man, too busy to come to a simple ball if there was not something important in it for himself".

"You make a good point Jane. As you say, his family was well connected, but he himself never really was. From what I understand he never could make it into school, which is why he joined the military. Before his parents passed away I imagine they would have been disappointed by his choice. They were all writers and thinkers and academics through and through. Even a distinguished career in the military would have seemed a let down to them. I think it more likely, then, that the people gathered here tonight wished only to see the inside of this house".

"Really?"

"This house has quite the history. It used to be a house used almost exclusively for high class gatherings. I am sure many people here are wishing to relive some of those original owners all came from a long line of Duke's and Duchesses, and so to be invited into this home was to be invited into the lives of near royalty. Somehow, along the line, there were no more heirs produced and so the house passed into the ownership of Captain Franklin's family. Immediately all the parties stopped, for Franklin's family are all conservative, and had a strict understanding of overindulgence and extravagance"

"Ironic, given that they chose to move into this house with such an importance placed on modesty"

Edward laughed, "Well, you point out the rather glaring contradiction of their lived life versus their values. The parties did stop, however, and the mythology of this house ended too. I believe his family focused on expanding the library and putting money into charitable institutions instead. Strangely enough, I know that there was great talk of this home passing to a new family with the death of Franklin's parents"

"But why? They have two sons"

"Three, in fact. Franklin has an older brother of which I know nothing and he speaks very little of, so I cannot say why it was assumed the house would not pass to him. You have meet Franklin's younger brother, unfortunately, and as we know all too well he has always had a reputation for being a grimy waste of space. Surely there would have been a reluctance on his parents part to allow him to inherit the house. For Franklin, well, he was a sailor. Traditionally sailors settle down far later in life than Franklin has, and I have a feeling if he had not meet Diana he would still be on the seas for quite some time. So, in that case, the house would not have passed to him either. But, here we are. He is married and did indeed inherit, so people were all too excited to see the interior of this rather remarkable home".

Another dance started, and couples moved on and off the floor with seamless ease. The amount of people around Jane and Edward thickened as a larger number of people moved from the dance floor back into the crowd. Jane saw Anne and Eshton move onto the dance floor and she was happy to see that Anne looked very well.

"Poor Diana feels quite lost within this grand home" Jane explained, "Moving from small Moor house to this great mansion was, and I believe still is, a huge shock to her. I am sure that knowing its grand history did not ease her nerves in coming here".

"Houses like this are far too much work for a young married woman trying to run it all on no experience. They are built for long family lines, armies of servants and socialites. I do not blame her for her anxiety in moving here".

"I understand the feeling" Jane said, "Seeing as I went from being a servant to being a mistress overnight myself".

Edward looked at her curiously,

"And yet, in my case, I had all the help I could have asked for along with your full support, which made things far easier. Besides, when we were first married it was only Ferndean I was trying to contend with, and there was only John and Leah in the way of servants"

"Ferndean" Edward said with dislike "What a prison that was. I am sorry we spent any time there. I should have whisked you away at once to better places"

"Do not say such, for I do not feel that way at all. I am rather fond of Ferndean"

"How could you be fond of such a place as that?"

"Well, because it was where we married. That house may have been dark and damp, and in many ways uninviting, but it never felt that way with you there. Tucked away in the woods I felt isolated, and free to be alone with you. We could have been the only people in the world there and I would not have minded in the slightest. It was where I felt fully at peace for the first time in my life".

Edward softened, looking thoughtful.

"Of course when I think of _those_ days I am fond of Ferndean, but the time I spent there without you...that year of endless misery had tarnished the house too much for it to ever be a home. When we were there together you felt more like a dream than ever, a dream that would depart at any moment, and I would be left alone once more, for I could not imagine being so suddenly happy in a place where I had been so wretched".

Jane nodded,

"It was all for the best. I cannot imagine a more wonderful home to the one we live in at present"

"No indeed. The only way it could be improved would be to have more children running around in it" Edward said.

At these words Jane felt her stomach turn slightly. She had not thought of having more children since Henry had been born. He was only four months old, surely Edward could not be thinking of having another child at the moment. She did not think she could do it, not right now.

Edward did not seem to notice Jane's slightly fallen demeanour as he continued talking. Before much time could pass, however, Lady Denver stepped in front of them and demanded that a carriage ride should be made ready for her, that she was tired and ready to retire for the night. Mr Rochester, with much reluctance, promised Jane to return soon and was off to arrange Lady Denver's passage home.

. . . . . .

The night continued on through lighthearted socialising. Jane meet more people than she could remember by the end of the night, names and faces and families and occupations blurring together all too easily for her to truly remember anyone in great detail. She guessed this was a trait of the upper class, to remember names and faces. She never had to, for she only ever knew the teachers and pupils of Lowood or Moor house school that she saw everyday. After she and Edward had danced the final dance and the crowd began to disperse for the night Jane felt truly more tired than she had felt in a long time, even with a new baby.

Edward was caught saying goodbye to many people as they left, for like Jane, many people found him interesting and engaging to talk to. He kept his wife close to make sure that all those speaking with him acknowledged her presence too. At first this had seemed to be a kind gesture that ensured she could not become bored or excluded from conversation, but when Jane realised all the energy it took to maintain polite and surface level conversation she rather wished she could have collapsed into a chair in the corner without being noticed.

'Hello, are you Ms Rochester?!"

The voice rang out was loud and sharp, and it took Jane a moment to realise who it was coming from. Before her, appearing seemingly from thin air, stood a girl with wide eyes and who was bursting at the seams with excitement. She was young, perhaps only twenty years old, a similar age to Jane. Her light blonde hair was curled and fashioned into tight buns on the side of her face which gave her the appearance of a small child. Her cheeks were deeply flushed, her light blue eyes small and crinkled. Her dress was a white, and the frills around the neck, collar and wrists moved long after she had stopped moving herself, adding to the appearance of her trying to flap away like some bird. Her beaming smile was bright, and genuine, but was almost too much so. Jane had the impression that she was the sort of person who would not know when it was inappropriate to smile, as if she would be the person to smile during a funeral.

"Hello" Jane replied, "I am indeed. Have we meet before?"

"No. But I hope that will be fixed very, very soon. I am Annabelle, I am married to Martin Lacey. I was so excited to come here tonight and meet you. We only just arrived, and to think the ball is ending! We were delayed, you see, because we just had the most amazing dinner before coming here, began a discussion with my housekeeper and were so late because of it. Then we were lost on the road and delayed even further so here we are. But I mention this because I am so glad you are still here, for I wanted to meet you very much".

"I am glad, then. My husband and I are actually staying with the Franklin's at present, so we are here regardless of the hour, you would not have missed us."

But as soon as these words slipped from Jane's mouth she immediately regretted them. She had a sinking feeling that she would be seeing Annabelle Lacey again before returning home.

"Ah!" she cried, clapping her hands together, "Good. I am so glad. I have heard so many wonderful things about you and I wish to be your friend. Are you looking for a new friend at present?"

Jane thought that it was a very odd question, implying that a person chose when and where they wished to make friends. Stunned by the nature of the question, Jane tried to form an appropriate answer. Edward had now turned, alerted by all the loud and high-pitched sounds Annabelle was making. He introduced himself in order to save Jane from needing to respond at all.

"Hello Mr Rochester, you are Mr Rochester are you not?"

"I am indeed"

"I thought so. It would be very odd for you to stand so close to Ms Rochester as a married woman if you were not her husband".

"Right, and who are you, sorry? I do not believe we have meet"

"Annabelle Lacey, how can I forget to tell that to people? It is my name, after all"

Edward's face immediately dropped and Jane just managed to stop herself from bursting into a fit of laughter.

"You would not happen to be married to-"

"Mr Rochester! What are you doing talking to my wife? Is she bothering you? Do you want to take her off my hands by chance? I would not object!"

The instant laughter that erupted from his wide, opened mouth was startling. The man who had approached had jet black hair swept ineffectively to the side so that some hung down and stuck to his forehead. His face was quite large and the glasses he wore were small, so small that it looked like his face was engulfing them as he spoke. His cheeks were a blazing red, and he seemed out of breath in spite of only walking a few paces towards them. Jane suddenly had a better appreciation for her husbands fallen face.

"Lacey" Edward said, disregarding the dismissive and rather annoying questions he had asked, "How do you do?"

"Better than nothing" he said, his laughter winding down as he wiped his eyes. No one else around them was laughing.

"Lacey, may I introduce you to my wife, Jane Rochester"

"Huh?" he said, adjusting his glasses awkwardly on his face and looking at Jane, "Is she? Are you?"

"I am" Jane answered, wondering if faking a dizzy spell was too dramatic a way to exit this conversation swiftly.

"Interesting. When did you get married?"

"Last May" Edward answered, his patience wavering.

"So...well let me see now...that would make you...make you married for... a year and a month, no, I'm sorry. A year and three months!"

"Yes" was the blunt and unimpressed response. Jane stifled a laugh again.

"Have you any children?"

"Yes, a son"

"A son, well well, excellent work Ms Rochester, all men wish to have a son first, even if they are not willing to admit it"

"I am not sure it was my doing sir, and thus I am unable to take the credit-"

"And so that means that you were married for...for...let me see, married in May of last year, combined with the present date...a year! You were married a year when you had your son"

Jane was starting to feel rather uncomfortable but her husband looked positively enraged. This was an immensely private conversation to be having out loud.

"How wonderful! Annabelle cheered, her hands wringing together once more, seemingly to entirely miss the ridiculousness of her husband.

"Well, indeed it was very nice to see you again Lacey, Ms Lacey, but myself and my wife must retire now and see to our son. He has been alone tonight for far too long. Goodnight to you"

"Yes, goodnight" Jane said, nodding to them both. Mr Lacey raised his hand in objection but Jane was whisked away too quickly to see anything else of his response.

"Just keep moving, Jane" Edward said, all temperance now lost from his voice. Jane laughed into her fist as they made their way through the final stragglers of the crowd who were saying their last goodbyes.

. . . . .

Henry had been asleep when they arrived upstairs and they decided that to move him would surely wake him and cause him to cry. So, they agreed to simply go and retrieve him when he began to cry during the night and then he would remain in their room.

Some time later, Jane sat cross-legged on the bed. Edward was washing his face in the water basin as she consumed herself in deep thought. She was absorbed in all events from the night, unable to settle her mind after all she had seen and learned.

"Did you enjoy yourself tonight, love?"

She looked up and saw him and smiled.

"Indeed, very much. I forgot how much I enjoyed dancing"

"You should enjoy it, for you look so happy when you are dancing"

"Only because it is with you" she said, and Edward nodded knowingly.

He pulled back the sheets and got into bed, waiting characteristically for Jane to crawl in beside him, but she did not move. She only turned so that she was facing him, hands joined before her. He looked at her curiously, and waited for her to explain herself.

"Edward, do you want another child?"

The look that instantly clouded his face was a mix surprise and confusion.

"What?"

"Do you want another baby?"

Edward tilted his head ever so slightly, his eyebrows creasing.

"Right now? Jane, if you want to lay with me tonight you only have to say so-"

"No" she replied quickly, "I do not mean in _that_ way. It is only that you have said to me twice recently that you wished for more children to fill our home and the short distance of time between these comments made me wonder if you had expectations of me that I was not fulfilling".

"Jane Rochester, come here".

Jane knelt up and was pulled into her husbands embrace so that she was straddling him, arms around his neck. She looked into his face, waiting for him to speak.

"I want to do everything on earth with you. Of course I want more children with you, but I have no expectation for you to be producing a baby every nine months. Such is madness. Right now, you and one baby is quite enough for me".

Jane nodded, closing her eyes and pressing her forehead to her husbands.

"Alright then, now I know".

"But.." he said slowly, bringing his lips to Jane's so that they hovered enticingly just before her mouth, "If it were to happen, because you were making love with me, I would not object in the slightest".

Jane smiled into the kiss he planted on her lips.

"Remember what happened the last time? When Franklin came knowing on the door?"

"Yes" he grunted, "And although that was highly disappointing and very bad timing, I did make it up to you that night"

Jane shook her head, "You are unbelievable"

"You know what, Jane? I think I have had a change of heart. I think we should try again for a child, right now".

"No" she said pushing off of him, "Absolutely not".

"Why not! You asked me a minute ago if I wished for another baby and now I tell you I do"

"I asked you, but I did not say I would consent to it if you said you did"

"Ah" he said, pushing her down against all the pillows, her arms pinned above her head by his strong arms, "I see".

Jane smiled and with some difficulty, given the way she was restrained, kissed Edward. At the touch of her lips on his he instantly released his grip and allowed her to wrap her arms around his neck, deepening their kiss. Jane ran her fingers through his hair and sighed happily.

"You see, do you?"

"Mmm" he confirmed, his low masculine voice singing in her ears as he kissed her again.


	131. Chapter 131

Jane woke very early the next morning and carefully untangled herself from her husband before immediately going to see Henry.

Though still early, he was up when she entered the nursery. He was not crying, nor making any noise, rather he was just looking up at the ceiling, kicking his feet playfully.

"Oh hello my darling" Jane said, picking him up and holding him close to her. He pressed his cheek to her shoulder, arms hanging lazily at his side, "How are you this morning? Did you sleep well? I am sorry that mommy was not here when you woke up"

And Jane was sorry. She suddenly felt very guilty for having been at the ball the previous night. Being a mother to her son was her most important job, and that was more pressing than everything else. She kissed his cheek and rubbed his back affectionately.

"Mr Henry, I love you very, very much".

She could not resist another kiss on his cheek. His face stretched into a smile and Jane felt her heart swim with happiness.

As she did this, she heard Daniel move in the crib beside Henry. Putting Henry in one arm she walked over and stood before Thomas, stroking his face lightly. He stirred again and when his eyes flashed opened he began to cry hysterically. Jane's heart broke that he slept in here alone so young, and that there was no one here to soothe him when he cried.

She lay Henry back inside of his crib before picking Daniel up and rocking him in her arms.

"Sssh sweetheart" she soothed, "All is well. All is well. Be calm".

He coughed back tears and Jane bounced him encouragingly,

"There you go. How does that feel? Better to get all those tears out?"

He was so small, and so light in her arms. Henry gripped her finger through the rungs of his crib while Daniel continued to whimper in her arms. Both babies needed care so desperately, and only one received such care from his mother. The thought struck Jane in the innermost part of her heart. How could she help Mary?

At that moment the door of the nursery opened and one of the two nurses walked in, straightening her apron.

"Oh, good morning miss"

"Good morning" Jane called, "How do you do?"

"Well thanks. I see you are busy in here this morning"

Smiling, Jane handed Daniel to her and picked Henry up once more.

"Poor little one was quite upset when he woke"

"He generally is. Not the happiest baby I have seen, but they all soon grow out of this phase anyways, as I am sure you know. Your little Henry is very well behaved- such a happy, hearty child".

"Goodness, I hope he remains so" Jane said, "I wish nothing else for him. Thank you for taking such good care of him last night, we truly appreciate it".

"Of course ma'am. We enjoyed taking care of him, as I said, he is such a happy boy".

"Well, I am glad. Thank you again".

She nodded to Jane kindly before she and Henry left the room.

Jane did not wish to stay and disturb Daniel by talking, for if the nurse could get him back to sleep such would be wonderful. But Jane also did not want to prematurely wake her husband from sleep by going back to bed with Henry, so instead, she sat in the small parlour room off of their bedroom.

The parlour room was an odd sort of space within the house, and Jane and Edward had spent hardly any time in there. It was a very small room compared to the others in the home and rather stuffy. Thick tapestries hung on the walls, the floors were carpeted and heavy curtains covered the small and insufficient windows in the room, meaning no natural light could enter. The sofa was positioned in the middle of the room, which seemed to fall into dark shadows. Though the sun had risen, this side of the house got very little sunlight, and so it may as well have been the time of the morning where the night is transitioning to day, and the sky is filled with blue hues

There was never any need to be in here, for there was a sitting area in their bedroom, so the details of this room had largely gone unnoticed by Jane. But now with lots of time, and a baby who needed to be fed, Jane had the ability to admire the room's uniqueness.

It was an odd thing to describe, but Jane felt that this room had been lived in at one point, and that since then nothing had been changed in the room. A large wooden box with a locking mechanism sat on the table before her, and with very little effort she managed to flip the lid off and see the contents inside. Paper upon paper was stuffed tightly inside so that when Jane opened the lid, the papers sprung all over the floor of the room.

"Oh no" she said, stretching awkwardly to try and retrieve the contents of the box without disturbing Henry- but this was impossible. Fearing that he would start crying, Jane resolved to simply sit there in the quiet and collect the papers later on.

. . .

A lot of time passed before there was any more activity in the house. Eventually, Jane heard servants footsteps up and down the hallway, indicating to her it must have been six o'clock. They must have been finishing the cleaning from the night before, and wishing to do such before the house was awake. Jane felt an odd, guilty pang for not being with the other servants and helping, but then she had to remind herself again that she was no longer a servant and was not expected to help.

So more time passed, and eventually Jane heard movement in the adjoining bedroom. Edward shuffled sleepily around the room looking, she was sure, for Jane before quickly and dismissively glancing into the room where she was. When his eyes fell upon her and Henry he turned back, looking confused.

"Jane, love. What are you doing in here?'

"Just sitting up with Henry"

"Since when?"

"What time is it now?"

"Seven forty"

"Well, some time ago now. I am not sure the exact time".

Edward rubbed his eyes sleepily, resting against the door frame.

"Come to bed"

"No, you go back to sleep for a while. I shall do very well in here for another little bit".

But he shook his head,

"You are going to catch cold. Go back to bed, I will be happy to look after Henry".

He stepped into the room, his curly hair a mess from sleeping. It hung down in front of his face, and he did not try very hard to fix it.

"Thank you, very much, for offering. But you look exhausted, and I have been comfortable here-"

He sat down besides Jane and put his arm around her. He picked Henry up from Jane's arms and held him close to his chest, kissing his cheek.

"Good morning" he said to him, "Has your mother been attending to you without me? How cruel that was of her".

Smiling, Jane tucked her feet up into the corner of the couch and laid her head on Edward's shoulder. He turned to kiss the top of her head, pausing before drawing back. She suddenly realised how tired she truly was. Jane tried to disguise her yawn as Edward continued to speak to Henry, but he noticed and gave her a knowing look.

"Perhaps I will go back and lie down"

"...Mhm"

"Only for a few minutes"

"Right"

"Yes, so goodnight. Or, good morning?"

Edward pulled Jane in for a kiss by the collar of her nightdress before she walked back towards their room. In reaching the door frame she turned around and surveyed her husband. He was playing with Henry and did not seem to notice her. She cleared her throat loudly so that he looked up at her, seeming confused.

"Excuse me"

"Yes?"

"Are you not coming?"

Edward's face stretched into a wide grin before he answered,

"I had not planned on it, I am spending time with my son right now"

Jane nodded very slowly,

"I see, very well".

"Very well" he repeated, "What does that mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. Well, goodnight".

Jane walked away without another word and crawled into bed. The sheets were cold on her side, so she moved to her husbands side, very thankful that he was always such a pillar of warmth.

After a few minutes there was a weight on the side of the bed as Edward sat down. He chuckled softly to himself that Jane had situated herself on his side of the bed. With Henry in his arms, Edward lay down facing away from Jane on the opposite side of the bed so that he could keep Henry safe within the confines of his arms. After a few moments Jane turned over and wrapped her arm around her husbands waist, pressing her face into his shoulder.

. . . . . . .

The following few days passed with little activity around the house. The high of the ball had died away now and Jane found that everyone was now feeling the effects of not having something to look forward to. For Jane, although she loved being around family and friends, it was starting to become difficult having no routine for herself. She could not busy herself with tasks or jobs because she was a guest here, and meant to be relaxing. So, she spent most of her time out in the gardens with Henry taking walks or, as of late, sketching. It had been a very long time since she had done this, but she had found some paper and leads in an old drawing room, and Diana had assured her that neither she or Captain Franklin would be using them any time soon, so she was free to use them at will. It was nice, having something to do that she did not practice much anymore. Henry sat beside her in the grass as she sketched trees or the walkway or the neatly trimmed garden. She made a promise with herself to draw her beautiful, large and overgrown garden in comparison to this one when she arrived home, for she was thinking of her home a lot.

Edward spent, in truth, most of his time with Eshton and Franklin. Jane found this change in behaviour strange, and if she was less sure of his affection for her she was sure she would have been hurt. Sometimes it was not until dinner during the night that she saw him, and on those days he did not act as if anything was different between them at all.

Jane thought long and hard whether or not she should talk to him, for if she did, she did not want to come off like she did not trust him, for she did with her whole heart. Besides, he was not doing anything wrong. It was only that he also did not see his son during the days much, and for him this was extremely odd. Jane wanted to know what he spent the long hours of the day doing, and what had caused this sudden shift. One night, when Jane had made up her mind to ask him, she found him already asleep in the bed. She climbed in beside him, and half asleep, but half roused by her movement, Edward pulled her instinctively close to him and fell back to sleep instantly.

When Jane woke several hours later, she woke to an empty bed.

Something did not feel right when she sat up. Edward's side of the bed had been vacant a long time, that she could tell. It was only just morning, for the sun was only just breaking over the horizon and starting to fill the bedroom with warm light. Jane stood and looked out of the window- had she not been so distracted, she would have thought the sunrise was one of the most beautiful she had ever seen. Rubbing her arm absentmindedly, Jane walked over to her sons crib where Henry slept soundly. So Edward had not taken Henry anywhere either...where could he be then?

Jane moved slowly back over to the window, wrapping her robe around herself as she went. She saw that the stable boys were up and moving, which could only have meant that Edward had been in the stables this morning too. She very much doubted he was still down there.

. . .

Jane could not go back to sleep that morning. She tried to put her husband's absence out of her mind, but something just did not feel right. He never lied to her, never kept anything from her, and now he was out with a horse before the break of dawn. Nothing pleasant could be happening at so early an hour. More than anything, she was angry that he had not confided in her.

Jane was up and dressed before the other girls in the house, but when Diana and Anne entered the dining room together she could tell that they too were upset.

"Is Mr Rochester gone?" Anne asked, sitting down heavily at the table.

"Yes, is Mr Eshton?"

"Indeed, along with my husband" Diana asked, looking cross.

Jane sighed, "I noticed quite early when I woke and found he was not there, but I am very confused. I am normally a light sleeper, I always hear or feel him move. It is so strange that I did not wake, and that Henry was not woken by the sound of him leaving".

"How early is quite early?" Anne asked,

"Before 4:30. The sun was just beginning to rise. I could not tell the exact time, for Edward took his pocket watch".

"Well" said Diana firmly, "I can only assume that they are all with each other, and that makes me feel better. I did not notice the Captain leave either, so I wasn't sure what time he left. I spent all morning looking around the house for him, thinking he was tucked away in some corner. Then a servant told me he left early".

Anne rolled her eyes, "Honestly, what could they possibly be doing at such an hour together?"

"I am not sure" Jane answered, "But Edward never keeps things from me, nor does he lie. So I can only conclude their business is unpleasant.

"Our husbands spent the last few days with each other a lot" Diana said, seeming to have a realisation, "And I suspect now that they had some plan tying them up".

Anne only tapped her foot angrily under the table,

"Well, I cannot say I have much of an appetite. I shall be worried sick until they return, hopefully later today. When I see Mr Eshton..."

"Try not to be too angry, Anne" Diana said, "I cannot imagine they are doing anything wrong"

"That does not matter!" she answered, "For they shall pay for worrying us, not for what they are doing. Could none of them tell us where they would be going and why? I mean honestly...all this secrecy, and for what. Oh Jane, tell us something hopeful as you always do"

Jane tried to muster an honest smile, but she was not quite up to it. Instead, she took her friends hands across the table.

"They are not rash, and they are not foolish. I am sure we will have an explanation, and soon enough. Until then, we must try and be patient in spite of our worry and frustration".

"You are right Jane" Diana said, "It is easy to assume the worst when you do not know the circumstance. Let us try and be well".

But Diana's words were easier said than done.

The day seemed to creep by slowly, made even slower by the fact that Henry cried continually. By the time the late evening came and Henry had tired himself into a nap, Jane felt exhausted. Little sleep combined with a crying baby had made Jane unforgiving and irritable.

When she had her evening tea, Jane asked it to also be brought to Diana and Anne in the sitting room. They had remained there most of the day in-between helping Jane with Henry and had not eaten much as a result. Perhaps something with tea could entice them. When Jane walked in with the tray, Anne looked up.

"Thank you sweet Jane, this is very kind. How is Henry?"

"He is asleep now, but still unsettled"

"Poor little one" Diana said, "Hopefully he wakes up feeling better"

"Well, because he is sleeping now later in the afternoon he will not sleep tonight until much later. So, that is too bad, but at least he is no longer crying".

"Indeed, and that is all we can wish for after the day we had with him".

Jane nodded, "I admit, I am very tired".

"You look it, Jane. I think we all do"

"That is what a day of worrying will do to you, especially with a crying baby".

"Here Diana" Jane said, handing her a tea cup, "Have some tea. And here Anne"

"Thank you"

"Come let us talk of something- anything" Jane encouraged, "I know we are worried, but time will pass much slower if we do not at least try to talk of something else"

"Yes! How right you are" Anne pipped up, "Well, last night the ball was a smashing success. Apparently, according to that nice servant with black hair, the whole town was still talking of it this morning. Congratulations Diana, you must be thrilled".

"I am glad!" she said, "But mostly glad that it went off smoothly and I did not embarrass myself too much".

"Impossible, you were very charming" Jane encouraged, "You were the perfect host's wife".

"That makes it your turn next, Jane" Diana said, "For now Anne has thrown a ball and so have I. I am afraid the responsibility falls on you now".

Jane blushed very deeply and shook her head, "I dare say not, I could never be the hostess that you and Anne were. Just thinking about it now..."

"And yet your house has a splendid ballroom just asking to be used. It never has been, and that is a shame"

"It was used once!" Jane protested, "When Edward was teaching me some dances for my first ball"

Anne looked as if she was about to exclaim some great form of "how sweet" when one of the nurse maids came around the corner holding Henry, red with crying in her arms.

"Ms Rochester, I'm sorry, you did not have much time with the ladies, but you told me to come and get you in he started crying"

"No, thank you. Little Henry was not fated to have much sleep today, I suppose".

The nurse laid Henry into Jane's arms and exited the room again. He was on the verge of breaking into tears once more, and Jane rocked him, rubbing his stomach reassuringly.

"It is alright little one, it is okay"

"Jane, what a wonderful mother you are. You are never frustrated with him, nor cross when he cries. You are quite the natural".

Jane grinned,

"You learn very quickly when you become a mother that it is unfair to be frustrated when your child cries. Henry has no other way of communicating with me, and is only trying to tell me something. Besides, I love him far too much to be frustrated with him".

Holding him close to her chest, Jane saw the longing on both her friends faces.

"How much I want a child" Diana lamented, sadness lingering in the end of her voice.

"I know" Anne replied, shaking her head, "I have not conceived since I lost my child"

"And I have never" Diana admitted, with shame.

Jane shook her head, "All in good time. We are all young, and have time to have children. I know how much pressure you can place on yourself to have a child, and how stressed you can feel when a child does not happen. But you must not be hard on yourself, nor be upset at not meeting the wish for a baby by a certain time. The loss of my first child devastated me, and I did not think I could ever face having another child. I tried to be patient and easy with myself in spite of-".

But at that moment the front door opened and closed, and three distinct pairs of boots could be heard on the threshold.

The girls looked at each other.

The contented and accomplished looks of the men who rounded the corner were short lived as their eyes fell upon their waiting wives.


	132. Chapter 132

Hello everyone!

Let me know what you think of this chapter! There are lots of little details about the characters that Jane and Rochester love and consider family that I think is kind of interesting.

Thank you, so, so, much for all the love and support. I am touched every single day and could not be more grateful.

Wishing you all the very best,

xoxo

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"What?" Eshton asked curiously, seeing the three girls sunken faces.

"Honestly" Anne said angrily, marching past him out of the room. Eshton, no longer looking amused followed behind her without another word.

Diana went to speak, but found she could say nothing. Instead, she threw her hands up in the air and looked at Captain Franklin.

"I am going to be upstairs. Goodnight Jane, sleep well. Especially after today"

She sent Edward a fuming glance, but he did not notice it. He had eyes only for his wife and son after Diana's comment. She too turned on the spot and marched upstairs, followed by Franklin who rolled his eyes in frustration as she left the room.

"What did she mean, 'especially after today'?"

"Only that I had a hard day with Henry"

"Why? What was wrong?"

"He cried except for when he slept, and that was only for perhaps twenty minutes".

Edward did not speak again. He only looked incredibly sorry and guilty. That was enough for Jane, for she was positive of one thing- that he would never do anything to hurt her or Henry intentionally. He sat down beside her and put his hand over hers, but she stood.

"I am rather tired. I think I am going to turn in for the night, if you are willing to watch Henry for a little while".

"Of course" he said, but Jane was already halfway across the room.

"Jane" he called quickly, "Jane, will you come back here, just for a moment?"

She was still somewhat angry, and ready to pounce on him for demanding anything of her, but instead he only planted a kiss on her hand and took Henry from her arms. Feeling far too many emotions, she turned and left the room for bed.

. . .

When Jane woke she was surprised to learn that she had fallen asleep at all. Her mind was so full when she had lay down, and thoughts spun around her mind so rapidly, that even closing her eyes felt fruitless.

But she had fallen asleep, for she had awoken to a soft touch on her arm. When the room came into focus she saw her husband sitting beside her, his hand resting on her arm, his thumb caressing her so lightly that she could barely feel it.

"Please do not think me terrible for waking you. I could not lay awake knowing you are angry with me".

Jane sat up so that she could look into his face, exhausted and guilty as it was. He pulled his hand away from her arm and rested it on his knee instead. He was still dressed, and the bags under his eyes spoke to his sleepless night.

"I am not angry with you, Edward. At least not anymore"

"You have every right to be, Jane. Every right in the world".

"I know I do, but I do not see the point in being angry at you any longer, it only hurts myself".

He shook his head painfully

"Jane, do not tell me such things, then I shall truly be inconsolable".

But Jane did not reply, so he continued.

"I owe you an explanation. You are wondering why I have spent the last few days away from you, why you woke last night to find me gone, and why we were away"

"I am"

"Well, it is because the whole point of Franklin's ball was to attract a man by the name of James Foley. Eshton had learned through some of his magistrate sources that Foley indeed knew the man that Mary was at one time employed with. And of course, who is the bastard father of her son. The man had fled when he heard of my arrival, of course, but not before telling his banker in London where he was going. During the night of the ball Eshton, Franklin and myself all took turns speaking with him, trying to verify information on this mans whereabouts. It wasn't until I remembered that very strong rum that Franklin gave us all that we made any headway with him. He told us that the man was going by a different name now, and would shortly be on his way to the continent without his wife and children. We set to finding him, working out where he could be and from which places he could be departing- that is what we did shut up in Franklin's office for the past few days. Last evening we realised he was leaving on a ship for Spain in the morning, and that if we delayed further we would never reach him in time. With his general description in mind, and an understanding of what his new name may be, we departed".

Jane kept her face even, listening intently to what he said. When she did not interrupt, he continued.

"Well, to make a long story short, we found him as he was getting onto the ship. We faked some incident with his luggage in order to draw him back from the crowd and then we were able to get him isolated enough to-"

"Dear god" Jane said, her hand flying to her mouth in horror.

"No, no, we did nothing like that! No, he was tied up, and left with the sergeant in his nearby office. His crimes were relayed, and the speed of his departure from England only added to our credibility. We left shortly after being told when his trial would be, and where".

Jane pushed herself off the bed and stood facing the wall, her hand up to her mouth in thought.

"Edward Rochester, how could you?"

"What?"

"How could you? How could you do that to me, to us- to your son. What you did was extremely dangerous. Who knows what could have happened? You would have left me here, all alone, without you and I could not bare that. Your son would have had no father, and the worst of it is I would not have even been able to tell him what happened to you, because you did not tell me where you were going and I never could have known. You broke my trust, you lied to me-"

"I had to lie!" he objected, "I had to lie to you, Jane. For you never would have let me go, and I needed to go".

"Do you think I would have been wrong for objecting?"

"Do you think I wished to be away from you? From Henry? Do you think I wished to ride through a rainy night on a dark road to confront the man who attacked Mary? Do you think that I would not have realised the consequences of lying to my wife, and how it would break my heart to do so? Mary has no husband to protect her as you have me, and if that had been you- I cannot say what I would have done to that man. I lied in order for that man to be held accountable for what he did- so that Mary can have closure, and that she can have her name publicly cleared. So long as she is miserable, I know you will be upset too, and I could not have that. That is why I needed to lie to you".

"You did not _need_ to lie to me. Don't you know that? I trust you, if you told me the truth I would have trusted you. You frightened me, Edward".

"I did not mean to frighten you. Forgive me, please. I should not have gone".

Jane shook her head, closing her eyes. She stepped towards her husband and took one hand in hers, trying to stifle the emotion rising to her face. He took her hand in both of his as she wiped a singular tear from her eye.

"It is not that you went. What person would not be grateful for what you did. I should be thanking you, because I am grateful. It is only that you did not confide in me, and that is something that I am not used to between us. I did not know where you were and that prospect terrified me, because for you to have been gone without a word in the middle of the night...I assumed the worst-".

"It was wrong of me, I know. I should have appealed to your better nature, I should not have betrayed your trust. Nothing is more important than your faith in me. I am sorry, my love, I am so sorry".

"I am not asking for you to apologise, Edward. I only ask you never to do that to me again"

"It is my promise to you, from this moment on".

Jane took a step closer to him so that he could wrap his arms around her and hold her close. He planted a kiss on her stomach and then pressed his forehead to her.

"I am sorry too"

He lifted his head, looking confused and a little upset. When he spoke his voice was firm.

"You have nothing to apologise for".

"But I am sorry if you think that I do not trust you. For I do, and to say I don't could not be further from the truth".

"I know that" he said.

"Why?"

"Because I did nothing to maintain your trust in keeping my plans from you, but you listened to me regardless without interruption, and trusted what I told you was the truth without questing me".

"Still, I was frustrated at you for something you did that was exceptionally kind, something you did not have to do...I still kind of am mad, in truth"

He smiled guiltily, "Do not be foolish Jane, I would not expect you to forget this the moment you forgave me".

"I am not being foolish. In spite of you wishing to always paint yourself as a villain, not many people would do what you did, of that I am certain. I cannot imagine Franklin, as good as he is, doing such for his sister in law if you did not proposition it in the first place".

"I cannot say, but it is my obligation. My birth family was the worst it can be, Jane. I do not wish to repeat that with my own family now knowing what it does to people and relationships".

"I know that".

Jane bent down to kiss the top of his head before he stood, releasing her hand slowly.

"Back to bed for you, then?"

"And what about you?"

"Well, technically I have been on a sofa, so I cannot go back to bed"

"And why would you be returning there now!?" Jane asked, gripping his hand tightly again.

Jane was suddenly very unimpressed that her husband had slept on the couch. The look on her face when she looked back at Edward's undisturbed side of the bed made him laugh.

"Why were you on a sofa instead of in here with me? You have already spent a night away from me, and I did not give you permission to stay away another".

He nodded, leaning in to kiss her sweetly. He pecked her lips, but she did not break her unimpressed stare as he did so.

"To be very honest, sweetheart, I have no desire to be more than an arms length away from you tonight. So, I am going to go and check on Henry once more, and then I shall return".

. . .

True to his word, Edward returned in record time. He closed the door a little loudly in his haste and, shedding at his clothing, climbed into bed beside Jane.

"That is much better" he said as Jane moved into his embrace.

"Yes it is" she said harshly. "Edward Rochester, you amaze me. Sleeping on a couch- why on earth would you do that? Since when have I become the type of wife who throws her husband from the bed and banishes him to find sleep outside of the room?"

"Never" he laughed, "But I thought you may appreciate some space, if only for tonight".

"Well I do not".

Silence fell between them, and Jane became lost in her own thoughts to answer the question her husband asked her.

"Jane? Jane, darling, what's wrong?"

She turned onto her back to look up thoughtfully into the face of her husband. He gave her a curious look and moved a strand of hair out of her face.

"I miss being home"

"I do too"

"And I do not wish to sound ungrateful for all the time we have spent here, but I do miss it now".

"Its not being ungrateful, Jane, to miss the things that define your life as yours. Besides, I know you are itching for something to do, some task to be helpful with"

"Its true" she said, putting her arm on her forehead, "And the fact that everything here is so traditional and formal. I don't really feel like I can relax here. The flurry of servants everywhere you turn, the sense of immediacy around the house for order and propriety. There is a drinks Butler here who is only in charge of drinks! I just do not feel like I am the sort of person who should be visiting this house, as foolish as that is seeing as it is our family here".

Edward chuckled, "Thank goodness, Jane, you have not changed from the poor, plain, obscure and little person I fell in love with all that time ago. I do not know what I would have done if I lost that person to someone who appreciated this kind of house".

Jane smiled, "I cannot help it. I do not think I should ever be comfortable addressing the drinks Butler for my choice of fine wine. I would not even know what fine wine is"

Edward grinned, "I suppose you would not. Well, we only have a formal dinner tomorrow night with some of Franklin's family, or some of the neighbourhood, I cannot remember. And then it is home for us".

Jane nodded, closing her eyes.

"Guess what that means?"

"Hm?"

"It means we can resume our normal schedule of-"

"Edward" Jane scolded, her eyes flashing opened to see her husbands wide grin above her.

"What? Am I not allowed to be excited to have my wife back to myself back in our own bed?"

"You do have me to yourself"

"Right, but I mean I can _have_ you to myself."

Jane rolled her eyes, although in truth she somewhat agreed with him. They had been here almost three weeks now, and they had only been with each other twice. She articulated this to her husband with amusement only to have him shake his head.

"A man can only take so much, Jane"

"Indeed, but this man is not deprived. That I know"

"Not normally, but twice in three weeks, especially one where someone knocked on the door right in the middle of the act..."

"But as you always tell me, Edward, the anticipation makes it all the better when it does come"

"Hm" he huffed, "Do not use my words against me. Perhaps a few minutes of waiting, not a few weeks".

Jane reached up and pulled his mouth towards hers with intent. She ran her fingers through his thick curly hair before breaking the kiss to lie back down again.

"I love you regardless, very much"

He smiled one of his warm, private smiles that he only shone on the rarest person in the rarest moments.

"Do not pretend that you do not know how much I love you".

She smiled, dropping her hand from his hair.

. . . . . . . . .

"Do you think that the others will be forgiven this morning?"

"I highly doubt it" Jane replied

They had arrived down at breakfast to find that despite the announcement made over half an hour ago, neither the Eshton's or Franklin's were down to the table. The kitchen staff had come up to ask if the Rochester's wished to eat, but they said that they would wait until the others arrived. But a long time had since passed and there had been no activity.

"It will be a long time before Anne will let this one go" Jane guessed, "She was not impressed with his secrecy".

"I dare say she was not".

"And Diana blames the Captain for being a ringleader, and for getting both you and Eshton in trouble".

"That hardly seems fair, given that we all were willing participants"

"Yes, well, apart from that she is still angry at him for the lies".

"Mhm"

Henry began fussing in his bassinet beside them and Edward stood to sweep him into his arms.

"There is much to discuss of this man you confronted yesterday" Jane began, "And Mary does not yet know"

"Later I will tell you" Edward promised, "I will tell you everything you wish to know. But Franklin and Eshton agreed not to tell their wives details of the encounter, and I would not risk being heard by either Anne or Diana and upsetting them"

"I think you are right" Jane agreed, "So I shall be patient".

Edward smiled appreciatively at his wife. Henry continued to fuss, the gentle rocking of his father doing nothing to ease or soothe him.

"Was it truly a bad day with him yesterday?"

Jane nodded,

"The worst in a long time".

He shook his head,

"I'm sorry again, darling"

"It is alright. You shall just have the night watch with him for the next, I do not know...month?"

"I will take it, if that is to be my penalty"

"Do not be foolish, for then I would have a cross baby and a cross husband to contend with".

Edward laughed, kissing Jane's hand.

At that moment there was the sound of footsteps in the hall and a second later Captain Franklin rounded the corner into the dining room, adjusting his cuff as he walked.

"Good morning Mr Rochester, Ms Rochester"

"Good morning" they said in unison, looking to Franklin as he sat down across from them.

"I hope you slept well last night, Jane. I was told by Diana that yesterday was a difficult day for you with Henry being rather upset"

He was genuinely empathetic, and Jane felt his honesty came from a place of slight guilt.

"Thank you" she said, "I slept well. Henry has had many good days lately, so I will take a bad one from time to time".

Franklin smiled a slight smile laced with a little sadness.

"Well I am glad you can have such an outlook. It is better than my wife's at the moment"

"And mine" Eshton said, entering the room, "Though I missed what you said, I have a feeling that it relates to my Anne too. Tell us, Jane, what we can do to earn our wives forgiveness?"

"Perhaps we should be asking Edward" Franklin said, "For it seems as if he has already earned your forgiveness".

"Do not be so daft" Edward said, "If you have to ask my wife how to resolve things with your own wives, well, there you have the problem".

"Your wives are eager to forgive you, but they need to feel listened to, and their feelings must be acknowledged".

"What we did, it wasn't wrong, Jane" Eshton argued, "We did it for Mary's sake, and we did it with good intentions. I did not imagine for a moment it would cause such a stir at home".

"Then imagine it from our perspectives" Jane encouraged, "We all woke to find our husbands had departed in the middle of the night without a word. Then we could only sit around the house the following day, consumed by our own thoughts of fear for you. I was not mad at Edward because of what he had left to do. I was mad because he did not tell me where he was, and because I love him very much I was very frightened for him. You put your wives through much anxiety yesterday, and that was unfair".

They both looked down at their plates, twisting their faces into pained comprehension.

"For goodness sake" Edward said, "Be men and go apologise to your wives so that you can bring them down to breakfast"

Eshton departed first without a word, and after a brief thank you, Franklin too was gone.

. . .

Early that afternoon, Jane found herself and her husband in an upstairs reading room with Henry awaiting the announcement of lunch. They were both sitting on a couch, Jane's feet tucked under her as she learned on her husband. Edward held Henry in arms, rocking him gently to keep him from waking up. Neither Franklin nor Eshton had returned to breakfast with their wives, but when Jane ran into the girls later in the morning, she was told they had decided to forgive them for their act of deceit, especially in light of how it helped Mary. She was just telling her husband this turn of events when he turned to her, looking confused.

"But they did not appear to be newly forgiven men" Rochester pointed out, "They seemed rather cross, actually".

"Do you think it is because their pride was hurt too much?"

"No. Franklin perhaps is a little prideful at times but Eshton never is. Such a thing would not leave him with wounded pride".

"Then, I have a feeling that in spite of telling their husbands they were forgiven, Anne and Diana did not feel that way"

"But why then would you say they are?" Edward asked, "It seems rather pointless to tell someone they are forgiven if they are not. Then ones is walking around with a false sense of ease, and there is only tension and passive aggressiveness when next those people meet. I understand if Diana and Anne wish to make their husbands work for the apology, but granting one when it is not true seems counterproductive".

"I think this is about more than just this incident"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, both women were frustrated with their husbands and with their marriages before this all took place. I am sure that this only did more to aggravate them, in truth"

"How so?"

It was true that Diana, Mary and Anne often confided things in Jane that they did not tell anyone else. Although it had never been said officially, Jane understood that what she was told was always said in confidence and so she never spoke about it with anyone else. Well, apart from her husband. There were no secrets between Jane and Edward. It had always been that way from the moment they meet. Even when Jane was just his governess she did not feel like there was a question she should not ask him, nor an answer he gave that was not true. Jane was forced to recognise that the one very large lie he had told her was very wrong, but also was to protect himself, and to ensure that he was not denied love forever in his life. But their marriage life was built on honesty, and she did not feel that conveying her friends troubles to him was a betrayal to them. Edward cared for them all, and cared very little for other people's personal matters. He was no foolish gossip. He cared only about helping, and easing his wife's mind when she was consumed by her friend's troubles.

"Diana does not think that she can conceive a child. They have been trying from the moment they were married"

"But that has not been long. They were married in early May, it is now only late August. That is only four months"

"I know, but she frequently reminds me that I conceived the first time after two months, and many other people she knows conceived even before that"

"Most likely because it happened before the wedding"

Jane sent her husband a knowing look. He smiled.

"I know. In fairness Jane, we often have the opportunity to conceive a child, for we are together often. Franklin made a strange comment when we first arrived that it did not matter when he arrived upstairs for bed, because he would not wake his wife either way. That gave me the impression that they do not sleep together"

Jane nodded, "I believe he took up sleeping in a different room"

"Hm" Edward said, looking puzzled "Why? After four months of marriage why would you need separate rooms?"

"I believe Diana often complained about his late nights, and he thought it easier to simply not worry about waking her at all"

"I am sure that left her feeling wanted indeed" Rochester said sarcastically.

"Well, the other thing is that Diana is very shy with her own feelings. She will not speak to her husband regarding lovemaking, and she certainly would never try and initiate it".

"Does she find it unpleasant, Jane?"

"I cannot say for sure, but she told me that all she wanted was to conceive a child, and then she would not have to keep trying".

He shook his head.

"I hate to think there are people in the world who do not share what we share, Jane. Men are taught from such a young age that they should be sexual creatures and that this is a sign of masculinity. How many women and wives are petrified by their husbands brutality in the first days of marriage. How many men do not care how little women are taught and know of sex"

Jane squeezed the hand that rested casually in hers.

"I am also sure that the pressure of having a child is very hard on her, and that it cannot be conducive to conceiving either".

Edward shook his head, "No, it cannot be"

"I am very lucky to have you, I know that. I know how much you put me first, how much you have always put me first. I cannot imagine a marriage where one does not feel equal to their spouse. In my case, I am treated better than you treat yourself".

Jane was drawn nearer to her husband and his lips brushed against her temple. She learned closer into his embrace, the embrace that had been made to fit her perfectly.

"You, Jane Rochester, would never allow that to happen. You would never allow me to give up too much of myself for you".

Jane smiled, raising her head. She felt a soft kiss planted above her eye on her forehead.

"The fact of the matter is that most marriages are not a are not equal. I imagine that it is very hard to share your innermost feelings when that is the case, even when it is Franklin who I know loves his wife very much".

Jane nodded,

"I know he loves her, and she loves him too. But she is also very aware that he is the head of her house and because of that they will never be able to share their feelings openly".

"And what of Anne? Why is she mad at Eshton?"

"A few reasons, I think. Firstly, because she too is unable to have a child. Where she can conceive children easily, she has trouble carrying the babies to full term".

"I am very sorry to hear that" Edward said, "That must be very hard on both of them".

"Eshton does not know about any other ones besides the first baby she lost. Anne chooses to keep them to herself, so she does not disappoint her husband".

Edward raised his head and nodded seriously, "I see"

"And apart from that, Anne often feels that Eshton ignores her during social events when he goes as Magistrate. She says that she spends most of the night standing by his side daydreaming, wishing for the thing to be over. I am sure this has been very disappointing to her because half the reason she encouraged him to take on the role in the first place was so that she could be seen with him at plays and assembles".

"Of course, for what other benefit would such a thing have for Anne?"

"I know"

"Why does she simply not tell him such? Tell him that he is being a-"

"Edward"

"Sorry- being ungentlemanly to her?"

Jane shifted her position so that she was facing her husband, her legs hung comfortably over his.

"You know, if I had married St John Rivers, I would have been the same quiet, unimposing, unobtrusive wife".

"No you wouldn't have Jane, you are far too strong for that kind of docile domesticity".

"I was only strong then because I had seen at Thornfield Hall with you that love could mean a very different thing from polite order and respect. When he asked me to marry him, to go with him to India, I almost said yes because I believed that my prospects in England had died with my inability to marry you. I thought a missionary trip to India could at least make me a useful person to someone else. But, more than I like to admit, it was because in ways I was intimidated by St John, and I did not want to disappoint him. Though he was a good man he was a direct and demanding one too. To make him mad as I did was deeply upsetting, though his anger was all quiet and intentional isolation, and it was easier to appease him than challenge him. I had a very brief and uncomfortable taste at what that type of marriage would be like, and it would have meant sacrificing my own voice. Franklin and Eshton are not like St John, but all the same, both Anne and Diana have been taught from birth to respect their husbands as their providers and the heads of their respective houses. Having that mindset, and being told it is the only way to achieve a happy household, is something deeply ingrained in women. It is hard to act against it, even when you love your husband very much".

Edward looked at the floor, and then back at Jane.

"I could have lived Jane, knowing you married another man out of love, if such made you happy. But I never could have forgiven myself if you had married that man and became miserable- a shrinking shadow of your former self. I would have suffered every day until I died".

"Do not think of such things" Jane said, taking his hand in hers. She brought it to her lips and pressed that hand to her cheek. "Luckily for you, you need not suffer at all"

"No" he said softly, kissing his wife's cheek affectionately. "But you may"

Jane looked him, her eyebrow raised.

"Remember how I told you when we first arrived that the party gathered here wished to have a celebration for your birthday before you leave?"

Jane did not respond, she only looked at Edward flatly.

"Well, the day has arrived. But, in truth, I think you may enjoy yourself"

"What makes you say that?"

"Because I was the one who arranged the surprise"

"What is it?"

"The better question is, who is it. Come, let us go downstairs. They should be here shortly and you will want to be there to meet them".


	133. Chapter 133

Thank you all for your kind messages last week. I was really overwhelmed at the reaction and cannot thank you enough! I love these characters and they are so fun to write for.

This chapter really gets the ball rolling for the next part of the story, and I am really excited for you all to see what that is!

My thank to you again one hundred times over. I am endlessly grateful for you and your love.

Take care,

xoxo

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The general spirits of the house seemed to be, for the most part, rallied by the time Jane and Rochester arrived downstairs. Diana and Anne were waiting in the hall, hands clasped together, peaking towards the door excitingly.

"Who could be producing all of this excitement?" Jane asked, but Edward only smiled and pulled Jane towards the hovering figures who suddenly turned on Jane with great excitement.

"Happy Birthday! or at least, happy early celebrations!"

"Yes, Jane, we truly do have reason to celebrate the day you were born" Anne said, throwing her arms around Jane, "For you make all of our lives far better"

"Indeed!" Mary said, suddenly appearing around the corner and moving to hug Jane as well.

"Goodness" Jane blushed, hugging Mary back, "All of his attention is quite overwhelming".

And it was. Jane had never known herself to be appreciated by another living soul before she had meet her employer, Mr Rochester. His ability to see her exactly as she was, and to love her for it, had made her believe it was possible to find friends elsewhere, in Diana, Mary and Anne. At times, it still felt remarkable that she could be valued by so many people, in many different ways.

"Now, Mr Rochester, we must insist that you completely forfeit your wife to us today, for you get her all to yourself on her actual birthday".

"Oh no" Jane interjected quickly, "I would never allow for that. I trust him far more than I trust any of you to keep my birthday a very quiet affair".

She sent her friends a very serious look before Diana rolled her eyes.

"Do not worry, Mr Rochester has already made it abundantly clear that we are not to torture you with extravagance"

Jane turned sideways to see her grinning husband.

"As the ladies have so astutely pointed out, I am with you tomorrow for the whole long carriage ride home and I would not have you upset with me so that all good conversation was denied to me".

He squeezed her hand affectionately so that only she could feel it before dropping her hand from his.

"Well I must away from a little while"

"Away, where?"

"That, my Jane, is the surprise. I must go and bring your gift back here. I will not be long".

"But-"

"Come!" Anne said, dragging Jane into the sitting room for tea before she could object further, "Until your husband returns we shall have a marvellous time".

"But Henry-"

"Is being looked after by the nurses. Now relax, and try to think of just yourself for once".

. . .

The women were joined by both Captain Franklin and Mr Eshton shortly after tea was settled. Normally they would not have attended their wives tea but, surely in an effort to continue apologising and to make a good impression for Jane's celebrations, there they sat without complaint. Jane could see they were content enough, happy to share stories and thoroughly entertained by the women's curiosity regarding their lives which they could not have possibly lived themselves.

"And what is it like, to sail for so long at one time?" Mary was asking curiously, "You must feel rather homesick at such a time"

"Many of the lads did, but I did not. In truth, I did not have much to miss to come home to. Now of course, I should find it very hard indeed".

He sent Diana an honest, flattering look, and she smiled ever so slightly to herself.

"I imagine that the most difficult part of sailing must be to live on board so closely with men for so long a period that you do not necessarily get along with. I cannot imagine that every man on board a ship is one who you would be natural friends with".

"You are very right, Ms Rochester. The most difficult part of the job, for me anyways, was always getting along well with the young men of the ship for months on end. It was always fine for the first few weeks, but when people begin to show their true natures, it can be quite difficult".

"It was the same in University" Eshton said, waving his hand dismissively, as if remembering some long lost unpleasant experience, "I rarely meet someone I did not find imposing, arrogant or with a false sense of pride".

"Unbearable youth" Franklin said, "Thank goodness that we are free of it all now. But you lived in a girls school, Jane. Surely you experienced something similar".

Jane paused, trying to think of the words to describe the life all the girls lived at Lowood Institution.

"Well,mine was a charity school, and so there was not really the same opportunity to express oneself freely. There were certain girls who did not get on well. Mostly it was a clash between the headstrong girls and the ones so ruled by anxiety that they shrunk in fear at the possibility of there being an altercation. But, we all lived in such misery that the shared experience of such was enough to unite us all. If we were not all to be friends, we were at least living in a common understanding".

"It is her birthday" Anne objected, "Perhaps you should not be asking her to relive horrors of her past"

"Not horrors, or at least not complete horrors" Jane corrected gently, "For I owe much of my life to that school. They gave me an education, and that education allowed me to leave and be independent. I harbour no ill feelings toward it".

"I find it remarkable you can speak of your past in such a way, in truth" Franklin said, "For my past, which was privileged and indulgent, makes me miserable. Your past, which is truly wracked with pain and heartbreak seems to be a source of strength for you. I must say that it baffles me".

"I have no other choice, from my own perspective. Besides, my life is so wonderful now that to dwell on the misfortunes of my past would be to not fully appreciate all I have at present".

The sound of a carriage could be heard coming up the drive.

"Speaking of" Mr Eshton said standing, "I believe your gift has arrived".

They all stood and moved out into the hallway and then out onto the main steps. The carriage stopped and the door opened, revealing Edward holding his hat under his arm. He extended his hand to help another person from the carriage, and as she stepped into the light Jane beamed.

"Adele!" she said, running towards her.

"Ms Eyre!"

Adele hugged Jane very tightly, swaying her on the spot.

"Oh Adele, it is so good to see you. How long it has been. I've missed you very much"

"Not more than I've missed you, miss. But you have sent me to a school I love and we have been in the city for the summer. I have had the greatest fun with my new friends, but I have not been able to see you".

Jane released her and rubbed her back affectionately. Edward stepped up behind her, smiling.

"And, Mr Rochester, when he wrote me to say that he was going to come and collect me I cannot say how excited I was. I was so excited that I may have lied at my school and told them to put me on my coach earlier than was necessary so I waited all day at the stop here in town. Oh, do not worry. I have already been in trouble for it. Mr Rochester reprimanded me for doing something so foolish, and told me lying is wrong and what I did was not at all safe. I will try not to be so excited next time"

Jane looked to her husband who only rolled his eyes in amusement.

"Well, come Adele. We can talk about that later. You know of course everyone who is here. Diana, Mary, Anne, Mr Eshton and Captain Franklin".

"Yes" she beamed, moving towards them and curtsying, "Hello".

"Hello little Adele!" Diana said, "How do you do?"

"Very well indeed"

"You are grown since last I saw you"

"I know, I hope I do not grow too tall, for if I do I shall be too tall for a husband".

"Enough of all that" Rochester said, "You are too young to be thinking of husbands or your height"

Franklin and Eshton laughed to themselves, stiffing it in their sleeves.

"Are you hungry, Adele? We are about to have some lunch"

"Indeed, I am quite hungry"

"Then come" Anne said, "Tell us all about your time at school Adele. It has been a long time since I knew a schoolgirl and I always loved the stories".

Adele turned back to ask for permission.

"I will get your trunk, Adele. You go on".

"Thank you, Mr Rochester".

She ran up the steps with Anne, Diana and Mary without turning back, waving her arms as she began to tell some story. Franklin and Eshton followed closely behind, also seemingly amused by Adele's energy and enthusiasm. Servants ran out to take Adele's trunk and brought it inside, most likely up to one of the seemingly endless guest rooms.

When they were alone, Jane turned on her husband, smiling.

"You know, I cannot imagine you having any other name but mine, now that we have been married so long. But hearing Adele call you Ms Eyre brought me back to a happy place when you were just my Jane Eyre and I loved someone as I never knew was possible before".

"I am still your Jane Eyre" she said softly, "And I will be until the day I die. But since when have we been married 'so long'. Have you grown tired of me so quickly so a year has felt like forever?"

Edward looked around to see if anyone was near by and leaned forward to peck his wife on the lips.

"I would do far more to you, Ms Rochester, if we were not in such a public place".

Jane blushed under his meaningful look.

"Come" he encouraged, bringing her hand to his lips, "Let us go and have some lunch. I do not trust Adele alone with the company- she may talk so much that they throw us from the house before we are set to leave tomorrow".

. . .

The day passed into evening far quicker then Jane realised it could. She was so happy to see Adele again, and had so much to catch up with her on, that time flew at an unaccountable rate. After lunch, Jane joined Adele in her guest room and they spoke at length about her school, friends, and general life. She could tell that Adele was very happy and this was all that mattered to her.

Adele was enthralled with Henry. Jane showed Adele how to hold him, rock him, and swaddle him and watched her joy as she did so. It was the first time Adele ever admitted to wanting to become a mother some day.

"He is perfect' she purred in her french accent, "I love him so very much".

Jane smiled, moving her finger lightly over her sons chest.

"He is rather perfect, isn't he?"

"How old is he now?"

"Four months"

"Still so young!"

"Indeed, but growing every single day. I fear soon I shall look back and find him grown before my very eyes all too soon. Much like you".

"I am not yet grown" she protested quickly, "I am only eleven".

"But you are growing into a fine young lady. Quite different from when I first meet you".

"That is because you were my teacher, and taught me to be good and patient".

Jane kissed the top of her head, rubbing her arm.

"I often think of those days, Adele. Those memories bring me so much happiness".

"Even the days where you were forced to discipline me for not paying attention?"

Jane laughed, "Of course. Even those days, perhaps even especially those days".

She glanced at the clock and noticed the hour, how late it had become.

"Come now Adele, get into bed. You had a very long day and I am sure you are tired".

Jane picked Henry up in her arms and pulled back the bed sheets so that Adele could climb into bed. She lay down and covered herself quickly, smiling up at Jane.

"Goodnight Jane"

"Goodnight Adele. Sleep tight. We shall see you in the morning".

"Where is Mr Rochester? Will he come in to say goodnight?"

"Indeed" he said, rounding the corner of her room at the exact moment she had asked for him.

"I am glad you have come" Adele said, looking very happy.

Mr Rochester stood beside her, allowing her to reach up and take his hand in hers.

"Thank you, for giving me such a wonderful home to return to. The other girls in my school talk with dread about returning home, but I always know I am to receive such warm care and affection I cannot help but feel so excited".

Jane and Edward smiled together.

"Your home is with us" Jane assured her, "Forever it is to be with us".

"Indeed" Edward said, sitting on the side of her bed, "So much so that, if you would like, your name can be Adele Rochester now".

Her eyes went wide, and suddenly she was kneeling up in bed, beaming widely.

"Really? Do you mean it?"

"Of course. Only if you wish-"

"Of course I wish. Oh my- I am overwhelmed. I do not know what to say. Although your name is not French, I love it! I love it because it is yours".

Jane looked to her husband, even though he could not see her, with much deep love and warmth.

"Back into bed Adele before you dislodge all of the blankets"

"Okay Mr Rochester".

She settled back down, unable to stop smiling.

"Thank you".

Jane stepped closer to the side of the bed. Henry squealed in her arms and she smiled,

"Look, Henry is excited for you too".

"Oou, how will I be able to sleep now?"

"You must try very hard" Jane encouraged, "For the faster you fall asleep, the sooner you will wake tomorrow".

"Of course" she said, "Of course. Goodnight then"

"Goodnight" Jane and Edward chuckled together. They left the room, glancing back to smile upon Adele.

. . . . . .

The Rochester's departed the following day with the need for unusual speed and efficiency. It had poured all night and all through the morning, and so in a desperate attempt to get onto the roads before they became impossible to travel on, the Rochester's packed in quite a hurry.

Anne and Mr Eshton could leave a little easier, for they did not have to worry about packing up two children. Henry cried desperately just as they were packing, and Jane had to stop and feed him. Edward, then, was left to deal with Adele alone.

In only a day, Adele had managed to spread her things everywhere. It rather looked like some sort of explosive had gone off in the room, sending her things flying about. Rochester had marched back into his and Jane's room where his wife was finishing feeding Henry with some pink bow still grasped firmly in his hand. It made his whole angry rant about Adele being so messy very hard to take seriously. But he indeed had a point, for even with several female servants helping, it took Adele over an hour to find everything and pack her trunk.

As the coach was packed, Adele stood off by the wall looking rather sheepish.

"I thought we were going to be staying for a little longer and I wanted to show you all of my things I brought", she said sadly.

Jane only smiled and put her hand on her shoulder.

"It is okay, Adele. We are just anxious to get on the roads because very soon they will be mud, and we will not be able to continue home".

"Then what would happen?" she asked curiously,

"Well, nothing good" Jane answered, "Other than that, I do not know".

Mr Rochester ran back through the rain having secured the last trunk in place and opened an umbrella so that the others could reach the carriage without becoming drenched. Adele was first, and shivered dramatically in her large cloak as she quickly made her way inside. When Edward returned to Jane he rolled his eyes,

"That is the fastest I have seen her move all morning".

Jane stifled a laugh to herself as he took Henry from her arms and moved quickly to the carriage with him. She turned to say goodbye to Diana and Captain Franklin in the door. There was no Mary. She supposed last night was to be her goodbye, and that her goodbye to Daniel in the nursery that morning would be her goodbye to him. Diana must have read the look on Jane's face, for she sighed and nodded.

"I know. I will write to you, I promise, to indicate any change in her mood".

"Thank you. I would appreciate that very much. And any news of Daniel too"

"Of course"

Edward returned again and reached out to shake Captain Franklin's hand.

"I have just assured Jane, Mr Rochester, that we will write to tell of Mary and of Daniel"

"Thank you very much, Ms Diana" he said, "Such would be very nice".

"Well, we have very much enjoyed your company Mr Rochester, Ms Rochester. I think we shall find it far too quiet around here now that you and the Eshton's are gone. Me and Diana shall have to find ways of occupying each other now".

"Well, it will not be long before we see each other again, I am sure" Jane smiled, "At the very least, Christmas is but four months away".

"God" Franklin groaned, "Jane, do not remind me"

"Dearest, that is no impression to leave our guests with" Diana said, shooting Jane a knowing glance. But she only smiled.

"Thank you again".

Diana hugged Jane very tightly before she was released,

"Please write, keep in touch. Say goodbye again to Henry and to Adele".

"We will. Goodbye to you"

"Thanks Rochester, safe travels".

Once again the umbrella was opened and Jane and Rochester made a dash for the carriage. They waved from the window until the house was out of sight, and until Diana and Captain Franklin could no longer be seen on the porch.

. . . .

The first few hours of the trip passed in relatively lively conversation. But soon, Adele fell asleep along with Henry and things became far more silent, highlighting the sound of rain pounding on the roof of the carriage. Jane rocked Henry. who was wrapped in many blankets, in her arms, humming lightly to him. It felt very right for everyone to be gathered like this, and if not for her husbands worried look, Jane would have found it a very relaxing carriage ride.

But Edward was very unsettled. He looked out of the window, hand up to his mouth as he watched the rain carefully with a surveyors eye. Eventually, he turned to Jane with a heavy look and sighed. When he spoke it was hardly above a whisper.

"I do not like the look of the roads, Jane. We are still some distance from the house, and even if the rain stops the roads could still very likely turned to mud. By Franklin's the roads were better than here, far more dry".

"Well, what do you suggest we do?"

"If the rain does not stop, we shall have to stop at the next town and stay overnight in a tavern. If it does stop, I suggest we carry on and try to make it home. In that case, even if the roads do become bad, there are several places we should be able to stop along the way and that should give us peace of mind".

But the prospect of such an outcome did not do anything to lift Edward's anxious mood. He spent the majority of the ride worrying, examining the road with such focus that it excluded him from all possibility of conversation. Jane then looked out of the other window, thinking about seemingly everything. Her train of thought was only broken when Adele stirred and woke up.

"Jane?"

"Yes Adele"

"Are we not home yet?"

"No, it is taking a little longer than normal because the roads are quite muddy, and we cannot go the normal speed".

"Is it muddy because of the rain?"

"Yes, and on stepper slopes of the road it is dangerous to hurry, for the wheels could slip"

"How many slopes have we gone down and up? Has it been dangerous?"

Edward glanced over, looking slightly annoyed.

"Adele, Mr Rochester would not put you in any danger in travelling home. You know that".

She paused, sighing drastically.

"How much longer do you think it will be?"

"I cannot say, Adele. I am not sure".

"Mr Rochester?"

"Adele, sit back and keep your questions to yourself. Asking about how much longer it will take will not make the time go any faster".

Adele sat back, looking rejected. She slumped against the side of the carriage and looked out the window with her hand pressed to her cheek.

Jane took her husbands hand in hers, looking at him intently.

"It has been a long ride" she said softly, "She is tired".

"I know that, but all the same".

Jane let go of her husbands hand only for it to be immediately picked up again.

"Adele, we will not be much longer" he said in a far kinder voice, "I know its been a long time. Are you cold?"

"No Mr Rochester" she said, her mood lifting instantly, "For I have this wonderful cloak. Remember when you gave it to me at Christmas?"

Mr Rochester nodded, grinning to himself slightly.

"Yes, Adele. I remember".

"Ms Eyre. Oh, Jane I mean, will you read me a story when we are home".

"Tell you what, Adele. You can sit in with me and Henry for a story tonight before bed, alright?"

"That sounds very good" she said, nodding to Jane.

The promise of such kept Adele entertained for the rest of the ride. The rain let up halfway through the trip which allowed the Rochester's, in the end, to make it home. Jane was filled with such excitement as she pulled into the drive of their house. It had been nearly a month, and she was suddenly was filled with the desperate feeling that a month had been far too long. Nothing had changed since they had been gone, and yet Jane had such a renewed appreciation for how fresh and green and in bloom everything was. Their house looked so happy and so welcoming as they approached.

They were home.

. . . . . . .

Hours passed and brought with it a starless night that was as quiet and undisturbed as it was beautiful.

Jane sat by the fire in Edward's study, every ounce of energy she had was spent trying desperately to keep her heavy eyelids from dropping. The book in her hand had long been rendered useless, her having read the same paragraph perhaps three times without taking in a single word. The heat from the flames lulled her into a comfortable ease as she stared into it, willing herself to remain awake.

The day had long since come to a close with Henry and Adele sleeping soundly upstairs, but Edward had a stack of paperwork a foot high from his time away and did not wish to delay working through it. So, Jane had come down to be if not with him, near him. She could easily have turned in and gone to bed, and perhaps should have given how tired she felt, but then again, time with her husband was precious, and just being near him was enough.

As the orange flame flickered before her, Jane drew her feet up into the armchair so that she was a little more comfortable. Defeated, she closed the book in her hands and took to her thoughts instead.

She felt as if there was much she needed to do, so many people to see and speak with. All the servants of course must give her an update on all that had happened in their lives since she had been gone, she must check in in a few days to ensure that Anne and Mr Eshton returned home safely and that all was right. Then there was Lady Denver to speak with, and after Jane had spoken with her surely Father Andrew would be by to politely ask after their trip...perhaps more that would be disguised in polite conversation but really would be an attempt to ask specifically about Mary. Jane was so frustrated with the situation that she felt like telling him nothing at all, and leaving him to always be in want of information regarding Mary. For if he was not going to talk with her directly why should she tell him anything? What right did he have to ask at all?

But Jane quickly realised that her anger was uncalled for and the result of her lack of sleep. Father Andrew was not to blame for Mary's state. Jane was only disappointed that, by some miracle, he had not accepted her in spite of all that she had suffered. Jane grieved the fairy tale-like ending that she wished for her friend that was now to never come true.

A large crackle from the hearth before her brought Jane back to her senses. She had fallen into a light sleep and now vigorously rubbed her eyes to wake herself up again.

"Are you doing alright, love?" Edward asked, looking up from his desk to see Jane on the opposite side of the room. She indeed looked very tired when she turned to answer him.

"I am very well"

"You would say that no matter what" he argued, raising an eyebrow.

"I am very well" she repeated, "Only a little tired".

He nodded and returned to his paper before him.

Jane did not know exactly what he was doing but it was important enough that he was not distracted by her watching him intently as he worked. His pen scratched the paper before him rapidly as he wrote, referencing other papers spread out before him on his desk. From time to time he opened a very thick book before him that held all the servants wages and place of birth and family information. After surveying this, he closed the book and continued writing.

"Can I help you?" Jane asked, for perhaps the fifth time that night. Before when she had asked this question he had thanked her, but assured her that it was probably more straight forward for just one person to complete the task. This time, however, his answer surprised her.

"Come here" he said, holding out his arm.

Jane stood quickly and moved towards him, trying to appear as awake as possible. As she stood before him, Edward pulled her onto his lap and moved her feet comfortably to tuck into the corner of the chair as she always did herself when she was sitting informally with him.

"Now" he said, "See this sheet of paper? I am tracking wages for the past year for the servants here. At Thornfield this was a much easier process. Thornfield was a very isolated place- difficult to reach and nothing surrounding it, so all of the servants lived in Thornfield hall. There were also fewer servants overall, and so less for me to deal with. Now, in this home, you and I are responsible for far more people who live in both this house and in the nearby town. Some people ask to have their wages sent off to other family members who's addresses I am in possession of, and then others ask for wages to be waved in favour of things such as food. I paid everyone in advance before we left so they would not be without for the past month, but now I must log all of the payments, and changes that occurred in circumstance while we were away"

"What changes in circumstance?" Jane asked,

"Well, Mr Gates' mother passed away while we were gone"

"Oh no" Jane said sadly, "I am very sorry to hear such"

"He was very upset, understandably. But, knowing she was very ill, you told him before we left that if anything happened while we were gone he could leave and go home"

"I remember"

"Well he did, and so he asked for his wages to be deduced from his next paycheck for his time spent away"

"Which you have no intention of doing" Jane said, looking to her husband knowingly.

"No, I do not" he said, "But there are other small things here too. Ms Connolly's sister had a child and she wished for some of her funds to be transported there. Ms McDougal is in need of new fabric and asked for early deduction from her pay in order to make a new dress"

"Jenny is going into town tomorrow in order to get fabric. I will ask her to get whatever Ms McDougal needs. I will speak with her in the morning".

"Very well then" he said, marking it in his large log. "Then there is Mr Adams. He said we are in need of a new saddle for one of the houses. I will go and see that tomorrow, though I am sure if he is telling us we are in need of a new one we are. He has repaired it twice before".

Jane nodded, "I remember him showing me one afternoon on the way back from my walk".

Edward pulled a much larger sheet of paper towards him that was laying under a stack of sheets. Jane looked to him, squinting slightly.

"And how am I able to help you with all of this?"

"You are not really able to, especially seeing as the banks would not do business with my wife"

"Then why have you called me over here?"

"Because I would rather you be near me then far away. Besides" he said, grinning, "When you fall asleep in a few minutes it will be far easier to bring you upstairs without waking you".

Jane only smiled to herself, "I may have argued with you on that if it were not true. But there is no need for that. I will go up to bed now, and you can come up whenever you are finished here".

"If that is what you wish" he said, though Jane noticed that his grip on her did not relax. So, instead, she cuddled closer into his frame and closed her eyes- content to relax there until he was ready for bed. He smiled to himself, pride and contentedness flooding his system. He kissed her temple and squeezed her affectionately before returning to his work.


	134. Chapter 134

**Hello everyone,**

 **So, here is the new chapter, finally!**

 **I'm sorry that this took so long. I had four drafts of this chapter written, but none of them felt quite right. I was probably being too picky, but I was not happy with them. Even though this one is a little shorter than normal there is more to come soon. I am excited for the next little bit of story, but let me know what you think based on this chapter!**

 **Much love to you always. I am incredibly thankful for you all- for your support, encouragement and love. It means the absolute world to me. Thank you, thank you.**

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Jane slept so soundly that night that she might have slept until noon if not for the rain which beat hard upon the window. She wondered if her mind's partiality towards rain had woken her from her deep sleep just so she could lay there and listen to it, deeply pleasant as it was. The sun was almost fully risen, though its light was not warm or bright. Cloudy and grey as the day was, speckles of cold light were cast all around the room were it moved through the raindrops resting on the large windows.

Jane sighed to herself, recognising how comfortable she truly was. Edward's arm encircled her, holding her close to him as he slept soundly. She watched his chest rise and fall in perfect rhythm. Laying here like this, Jane was free to take in her husbands appearance without him casting her a sceptical look.

She could not help the smile which spread over her face as she observed him.

Jane thought that Edward's features had softened slightly during their time of marriage, most likely because the burden of keeping a secret was not pressing on him anymore and he was not plagued with the prospect of continual unhappiness in his life. And yet, his features had not softened enough to render him a handsome man. His brow was still square, his eyebrows thick and heavy. The scars left by the Thornfield Hall fire were invisible to Jane now, as much a part of him as his dark eyes or his thick curly hair. They did not make him less attractive, nor highlight the fact that without such scars he would still not be a good looking man. They were simply a part of him now.

Filled by a sudden rush of love, Jane untangled herself from Edward's arms and moved over him. Her movement was enough to wake him from his sleep. Burying her face in the crook of his neck, she planted repeated soft kisses that caused him to breathe in deeply before letting his chest fall again, closing his eyes.

"What sweet dream is this?" he asked, his voice thick with sleep. Jane drew back observing him.

"I may be regretting something at the moment".

"That is very unlike you. What is it?"

"I think I very much regret being mostly celibate while at the Franklin's house".

Edward's face stretched into the widest grin and he suddenly looked far more awake.

"Do you?"

"I do indeed. I have been laying here thinking about it as I have been observing you".

Edward shrugged,

"Well, there is a very simple remedy for that kind of regret" he assured.

Jane lowered her mouth to his, allowing him to pull her into the deepest kiss which deprived her of all her senses. She suspected this had to do with the fact that they would have wound up in this situation the previous night, but the hour had been late and they were both exhausted. Desperate need had been prolonged, and in spite of circumstance had simmered under the surface for the whole night. Now came the much needed relief.

Edward turned Jane easily so that she was laying on her back before him, looking up into his flushed and determined face. He slowly began rolling up her nightdress, his mouth following his hands as he removed it. He kissed up her leg, his hot breath hovering over her womanhood before he continued up her hip, her stomach, in between her breasts and eventually her jaw. He discarded the shift beside the bed.

"It is not fair" Jane spoke, barely above a whisper, "I have nothing to remove of yours"

He smiled, kissing her forehead and then behind her ear.

"But I suppose that's not necessary" she concluded.

He looked quizzical as she moved above him, pushing him back into the bed. She too began kissing at his leg, taunting him- teasing him into his desire. She paused at the top of his leg as he had, moving her mouth over his abdomen, and she could see him ball his fist in frustration. She unfurled his fingers and kissed his palm.

"Jane" he objected, his need evident.

"Hm?" she imitated him, but he only put his head back down in the pillows.

Jane continued to kiss up his stomach, resuming her path of kisses until she reached the base of his neck, a specially sensitive area for him. Jane lingered here, issuing deep groans from him. She would have remained at such all day, but when she moved to kiss his Adams apple he shuddered and sat up quickly, pressing his mouth to his wife's. Jane was moved onto his lap, straddling him as she wrapped her arms around his waist. His finger and thumb pulled her chin closer to him. The kiss broke suddenly and Jane was left staggered, her mind numb when his mouth closed around her breast and sucked her nipple.

"Ahh" Jane exhaled quickly, closing her eyes.

Edward's hand teased her centre of pleasure, but never pushed against her with enough force to satisfy. She moved her hips, trying to thrust down into his fingers so they moved against her with more pressure. He allowed this, helping her by adding more pressure himself. Jane felt momentary relief, only to have the stretching, pulling feeling in her stomach pulse against her ribs in desperation. She let out a moan of frustration which she knew would have an immediate effect on Edward. He never allowed her to be frustrated for long.

Removing his mouth from her breasts, he brushed his thumbs over her peaked nipples one last time so that she shuddered, sending ripples of warming sensations through her whole body. His lips closed on her forehead, a small action containing infinite love within it.

Edward lay Jane down before him very gently, supporting her back as she fell into the pillows. Face flushed, her hair puffy around her face, her complexion glowing, he mounted himself before her and entered his wife with one, long, agonising thrust. He moved slowly at first, her preference. He willed himself with every atom of his nature not to spill into her prematurely, a virtually impossible task, until she indicated she could not handle his pace anymore. With one jerk of her hips he sped up, hurtling them both towards sacred release.

And it came in one moment. He had one flashing second to see her contorting face, to see her shuddering body below, to hear her cry out for him before he was overtaken in what was a blinding sensation of every possible feeling in the world.

He collapsed beside her, his face resting in her hair. Neither had the mind to move or speak for some time. The overcast morning Jane had woken to had now turned almost grim, and had she not been so happy she would have perhaps felt its effects more than she did. But today, the light grey light which flooded the room with the sound of harsh rain was paradise.

Eventually, Jane felt her husband's lips press softly into her temple. His breath was hot on her neck, and his hair brushed the side of her face. She turned to look at him, smiling, trying to convey with her smile all she could not say in words. Instead, she picked up the blankets from around their feet, covered them both in it, and cuddled into his warm and protective frame. Pride emanated from Edward, who had no intention of going back to sleep but would remain still in bed until his wife woke again.

. . . . .

Hours later, Jane rose from bed when she thought there may be a chance of Adele walking around the house. There were light footsteps up and down the halls and seemingly tentative steps which stopped outside of their door, listening for the sound of movement. At almost the same moment there was the sound of Henry's cries, and so Jane and her husband divided and contoured, Jane addressing Adele and Edward moving into the adjoining bedroom to be with Henry.

"Adele" Jane said, sizing up the girl who stood before her, "Why is your dress covered in dirt?"

She blushed, swaying on the spot.

"I was trying to keep my room clean, as not to disappoint you or Mr Rochester while I stay here".

"Adele, this is your home. There is no need for you to clean here on your hands and knees".

"I know that" she said, "But after I left Captain Franklin's house, and my room was in such a mess, I upset Mr Rochester. I do not wish to make him upset again".

"He was not only upset with you Adele. He was anxious to get onto the road before the rain turned our passage to mud. Do not worry about disappointing him, such would be impossible. He is very happy to have you here".

"He told me so when he picked me up in the carriage" she said, happiness radiating from her, "And I know he meant it because he allowed me to sit with him on his side of the carriage and when I did not know a word in the book I was reading, he told me what it was".

Jane smiled, trying to knock the dirt off her nightdress.

"Well come, let us get you dressed and ready for breakfast. Aren't you hungry?"

"Yes" she said forcefully, "I am very hungry. But Jenny is waiting for me in my room. She said she would help me change"

"Very well, then straight downstairs"

Adele nodded, intent upon her task as she moved quickly back to her room. Jane followed her, and when she passed in front of her room on the way to the stairs Jenny came out, her face drained of all its colour. She went to speak, but looked back at Adele and stepped into the hallway before mostly closing the door behind her.

"Ms Rochester, I was wondering it was possible to have a moment to speak with you today, when you are not occupied. Though I know you are always busy, so if you cannot, I would understand".

"Jenny, we can absolutely speak today. Let us meet before breakfast, I can see on your face it is important".

"It is ma'am, otherwise I would not bother you"

"It is not a bother. Will you meet me in the library when you are finished dressing Adele?"

"Indeed, thank you" she said, bowing lowly and returning into Adele's room.

It was barely ten minutes before Jenny walked apprehensively into the library. Jane invited her to sit down but she looked as if, for a moment, she was about to refuse, too anxious to do so. Jane decided that prompting her would be the best course of action, as upset as she seemed.

"What is wrong, Jenny?"

"Oh miss" she said, evidently struggling to push down emotions that threatened to boil over, "I did not know who else to go to, who else I could tell. I did not come to you yesterday because this is not my story to tell exactly, but the person who is involved would never come and bother you or Mr Rochester".

"Please continue" Jane encouraged kindly, "I am sure you are acting very bravely on the part of your friend by helping her when you feel she is unable to act herself".

"But miss, I do not know what I would do if another living soul found out because of me"

"Jenny, you must know that I keep nothing from my husband" Jane explained, "And if necessity requires, I will tell him. But, your confidences are safe with us both, I assure you of that".

She hesitated, clearly torn between keeping the confidences and helping the issue at hand. At long last, she proceeded.

"I know that, miss. While you and the Master were away this past month there was quite a bit of free time around this home. Though we proceeded to do the chores each morning as instructed by Leah and kept the house in fine order in case you returned early, we had much of our own free time in the day which we all appreciated very much. I myself walked into the village often to stretch my legs and take in the afternoon air. On one particular day, however, I walked further than I normally did. I was feeling lightheaded, you see, and thought that it may do me good. As I walked through the town and past the main road I saw Rosie-"

"Our housemaid?"

"The very same. She was standing, looking as if she was processing large and difficult news. At first I did not think of interrupting her, for as I said I did not feel well myself and she looked occupied. As I went to turn around though, Rosie saw me. I think she thought I took her to be suspicious, because suddenly she rushed over to me and said she would accompany me home if I allowed it. I did, of course. As we walked, she spoke of only polite, light things- the weather, my mother who was ill last month, but suddenly she turned grim and looked frightened. Without me prompting her, she began telling the most horrifying story and I suddenly understood why she was waiting. While you were away-"

But at that moment the door to the library opened and Edward stepped in. He looked surprised when he saw his wife and Jenny sitting, his servant looking clearly flustered and his wife concerned.

"Pardon my intrusion" he said, "I did not realise you were in here, Jenny".

Jane suspected that he was looking for her to begin breakfast, but with Jenny so visibly upset he did not mention such a trivial issue. Instead, Jenny raised her head and said,

"If you did intend on telling the master this story, I would be willing to say such in front of him now".

Edward furrowed his brow, interpreting the importance of the situation.

"Let me go and ask one of the other girls to watch Henry and Adele, then I shall be back".

He vanished and reappeared within a few minutes, and after retelling the first part of the story so that he understood, Jenny continued.

"While you were away, Rosie explained she had spent a significant amount of time in the village, especially attending church there. Father Andrew had advised it of all of us in service the last time he visited, and many partook in the practice. Rosie said that she had meet a man there, a young boy who was studying the church. She said that a mutual acquaintance, an uncle of her sister through marriage, introduced her and the young man and they fell in love. He often walked her home after church, and they talked along the way of the different lives they had lead. I believe what he told her was all lies, but because she had no reason to doubt him she believed them".

Edward suddenly looked weary,

"She said that he made every effort to show his affection to her, the end of this being that he asked for a piece of her hair to take with him while he ventured to his uncles estate in a neighbouring county for a few days. It was during this time that she learned of his true identity. One day, while mending here, she was told she had a visitor. Entering Leah's parlour downstairs she found a well dressed gentleman who had clearly never stepped foot in a servants parlour before. Rosie was confused, for she did not know the man, but greeted him regardless. He told her that he was the Baron of Kent, and that his brother also held that title. This brother was the young man she had been meeting at church who told her he studying the law of God. The Baron said that having gone to the church one day to find his brother, he saw him talking with Rosie and followed them to this house where he knew she must have been employed. He came to threaten Rosie, and told her that if she ever saw his brother again he would have her thrown from this house and into the streets where she would be worse than what she already was. He left here that day without another word uttered, and Rosie was quite horrified. When the Baron of Kent's brother, the man who Rosie believed to be named Tom, returned to town she refused to meet with him. He came by the house several times, but Rosie had asked John and Leah to turn him away which they have done. I found Rosie standing on the street corner after she was forced to tell him in secret what had happened, and that they must never be seen together again, for although she loved him, she understood that threats made by a Baron had complete power over the claims of a house maid. He was furious, raving angry, and said that he wished to marry Rosie, and that his brother would pay for his threats. Oh, how anxious she is, and how afraid. Her mind cannot settle, and she fears some violent retaliation from the Baron hourly. She assured me that his anger was not to be underplayed".

When her story ended, both Jane and Edward sat quietly for a few moments.

Rosie had always been excessively quiet, and because of this Jane was not sure that she knew her very well. Even when the other servant girls walked together or spoke with Jane, Rosie always remained on the outskirts of conversation, not wishing to draw attention to herself. Jane highly doubted that this almost painfully quiet girl would be stirring up any scandal. It was probable, even likely, that going to church appealed to her a great deal, and meeting a nice and quiet young man there who was studying the church was almost too good to be true. Se was angry he had done a great disservice to her by lying, and as a result roped her into his complicated upper class drama of which she had no desire to be a part of.

"And you are sure, Jenny, that this is the correct occurrence of events?"

"Yes sir" she replied, "They are the exact events in the way that Rosie told them to me".

Edward nodded, looking thoughtful.

"Thank you. I shall look into this. For now it is best not to say that you mentioned this to either myself or to Jane. When the times comes for me to speak with her I shall make sure that we have something reassuring to tell her".

"Thank you" Jenny said, nodding to them both,"Miss, Sir".

She stood and walked from the room, clearly eager to return to her routine. When the door was shut, and her footsteps were no longer heard moving out of the foyer, Edward turned on his wife.

"The Baron of Kent, Jane, is no laughing matter. I am afraid if she is telling us the truth, this situation is an extremely serious one".

"And here I was thinking we were going to settle back into a peaceful life here".

Edward put his hand on the back of Jane's head and kissed her forehead.

"You tease me, but when I say he is a serious man I mean it. There is to be no peace until this matter is settled".


	135. Chapter 135

**Thank you everyone (including new readers!) for all the love and support recently.**

 **Honestly, I love writing this story of two amazing characters and so long as people are enjoying reading, I am very, very happy.**

 **More to come very soon. I had more written for this chapter but I had to chop some out for the next chapter so this one would not be too long. So, the wait for more will not be long.**

 **Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. I love reading your comments. It is quite literally the highlight of my day.**

 **Hope you are all well!**

 **xoxox**

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Jane's mind ran over Rosie's situation all through breakfast and during the time she fed Henry afterwards. It was not until she sat in the library that afternoon opening letters that she really had time to think.

Jane wished to herself that Rosie had been the type of servant who wished to have herself known, for then perhaps Jane would know how to proceed with the situation better. But then again, when she was a servant, Jane had not wanted attention either. She had always respected and valued privacy and, because she did not much care for gossip, this had always left her isolated from the rest of the servants. She imagined Rosie to be in a similar situation. Jane knew that she had no friends within the house, nor anyone she spent time with outside of those maids she worked with. Perhaps this is why she fell so easily for this young man, or why his words which were too good to be true were so enticing. At any rate, Rosie's situation needed to be addressed. Edward had made it clear that he did not want the Baron of Kent coming to his house and threatening anyone- not when he had his son and ward here. Mr Rochester was not upset with Rosie for bringing him into their lives, for she did not know what effect he would have, still, he wanted this matter put behind them.

The door to the study opened suddenly and Edward entered holding Henry.

"I cannot get him down"

"Is he hungry again?"

"No, he is just not tired. I have been rocking him for over an hour and he is as wide awake as ever".

Jane smiled understandingly at his frustration and held out her arms.

"I will take him for a little while, you go and have a break doing something else. I know you still have a stack of paperwork a mile high".

He sat down beside his wife, kissing his son's head before handing him to her.

"The paperwork can wait. As it is, it is sure to take me almost a week before it is all done, but I took care of the most pressing things yesterday".

"Then perhaps just a walk?"

He smiled appreciatively but shook his head.

"Thank you my love, but I would rather be here with you".

Jane nodded, "Alright then".

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Jane resting against her husband frame. Henry was contented, but as her husband had said, he was not tired. He had slept soundly throughout the night and this was most likely why he would not settle for a nap at his usual time.

"Where is Adele? Is she occupied?"

"She and Jenny are walking into town later. Adele said that she needs a new pair of shoes for winter, for when she returns to school. I thought it best to have Jenny gone from the house when we spoke with Rosie, just in case she was to become angry with her for betraying her trust. But as it turns out, Rosie is not working today"

"She is not?" Jane asked in surprise, "Where is she? Is she ill?"

"No, gone to visit her sisters baby over past the village. She asked for the time off from Leah quite a while ago, so I am told".

"Well, tomorrow then" Jane said encouragingly. Edward squeezed her hand in response.

. . .

Because it was no longer necessary to keep Jenny away from the house, she remained at home while Adele and Jane walked into town with Henry. Jane pushed Henry in his pram, the fresh air and last few warm days of the summer being too fair to miss out on. Edward remained at home to work, but made Jane promise to come home as soon as they were finished. He was never at ease when him family was not safe in the was no cause for alarm, however. Town was as it always was- busy and friendly. Since Diana's marriage at their home, in which much of the town was invited, people had been far more friendly towards the governess who had become the lady of a large and fine estate.

Adele spent the majority of her time in the shoe store trying to convince Jane that she needed far fancier boots than was required for winter at a girls school. After picking up a white pair of boots with pink satin laces, Jane was forced to pull Adele aside and explain to her what it was to live excessively with too much vanity. Though Adele had been greatly humbled in the time Jane had known her, she still occasionally tried to obtain more expensive or extravagant things than she needed.

"You wear such things now, though, Jane" Adele argued, "And I wish to dress like you".

It was not a heated comment, but an honest one. Jane nodded to her,

"I wear finer things now than when I was your governess Adele because being married to Mr Rochester requites it, but I wear nothing so extravagant as those boots. In truth, if I only had one dress to wear everyday for the rest of my life then I would be completely content. What matters is who you are- the person you strive to be, not what you wear. Besides", Jane smiled kindly, "no one will even see your boots under your dress".

"Does Mr Rochester make you wear different clothes?"

"No, he does not"

"Then why must you have different dresses? Why does being married to him require it?"

"Ladies do not wear the dresses of the professions they no longer serve in, Adele".

"I suppose" she replied,

"And Adele, you mustn't ask so many questions, or challenge the opinion of those older than you so frequently. It is fine with me, for I am your guardian and I know your questions come from a place of genuine interest. But for someone who does not know you as well as I or Mr Rochester, you will appear flippant and challenging".

"Yes Jane" she said, nodding her head.

"Very good, now let's find you a pair of boots and we shall find some flowers before heading home, alright? You can even pick the ones we choose to take".

This was a mistake on Jane's part.

Adele spent virtually the better part of half an hour choosing flowers. It was becoming too warm and, though Henry was shielded by a sun bonnet, Jane did not want him to become overheated. So once Adele had picked an arrangement of large and blooming pink and purple flowers, all of which had come from the hot house, they arranged for such to be brought to the house. Jane, in seeing a distinctly unique flower, picked it up and observed it in her hand. It had long pink and orange triangular overlaying petals with a long and thick stem. Paying for it and taking it with her, Jane pushed Henry home with Adele skipping happily at her side.

When they arrived home, Edward stepped out of his office to greet them at the first sound of footsteps in the hallway.

"Hello" he called. Adele ran forward and hugged him. He placed a hand on her back and patted her warmly in greeting.

"Hello Mr Rochester. Flowers are coming. Jane did not want Henry to become overheated so we hurried home. It is far warmer now than when we left. Have my boots arrived?".

But she waited for no reply before running up the stairs towards her bedroom.

Jane smiled at her husband, moving in to kiss him gently. When she drew back, he pressed his lips to her forehead and put a hand in the small of her back.

"I missed you" he said, "You were gone far too long".

"We were held up with Adele picking out flowers"

"Ah, I see. That's what she was talking about. And how are you?" he asked, picking Henry up from his wife's arms and kissing his cheek in greeting.

"Very well. The day is so beautiful, and one of the last ones like it in this year at least. Perhaps we can take a walk later, for I would hate for you to miss it".

"You are not tired yet of walking today?"

"Actually I am a bit" Jane confessed, "But I would not be if it meant time with you".

He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips.

"Come" he said, pulling her into his study, "I have something to show you".

"I do too actually" Jane said, stopping him suddenly. He gave her a curious look as she let go of his hand and exited the room. She returned momentarily with the unique and beautiful flower she had found at the flower stand, handing it to her husband who was playing with Henry at his desk.

"I saw this today at the flower market. It made me think of a flower you showed me in a book a very long time ago. You were describing the West Indies to me, in all the vividness that your expansive memory offers, and showed me some drawings in a book on flora and fauna. The book was not coloured, and so I was not sure which colour to expect, but it looked very much like the drawing".

Edward took the flower from her, examining it closely with all the interest man could possess. He turned it in his hand, looking inside of the petals and at the stem. Eventually he smiled and spoke without breaking his examination.

"Jane, you have brought me back. This is indeed a West Indies flower. It is exactly the type which grew outside of the house which I stayed in". He stole a glance at her. "I always found it odd that such a cursed home could have something so simple and honest growing within it".

Jane stepped forward with her hands behind her back as she also observed it.

"Were they common flowers there?"

"Very, for they require much sun and very little water- tempered perfectly for the climate there. But this colour was not. I mostly saw yellows, and occasionally pink. This type is quite strange to me".

"Interesting" Jane said as he poured water from his pitcher into a glass container and stood the flower up inside of it. He stayed observing it for a few seconds before turning to fully face his wife.

"Thank you Jane, very much".

"I thought you may enjoy it".

"Well, it is not only the flower itself- it's that you remembered. I showed you that book on the flora and fauna of the West Indies on the third night I called you to my company. I remember distinctly, for you had asked me earlier of my travels abroad and I knew you were interested in the nature of places. It was one of the few things you had disclosed to me at that point. I thought you may have enjoyed it".

"Of course I did" Jane smiled, kissing the top of his head.

Henry swung his arms, trying to reach the brightly coloured flower before him.

"I'm sorry mister" Jane said, bending down to kiss his cheek, "Were we neglecting you?"

Edward laughed, bouncing him on his knee gently.

"God forbid your mother and I share one moment without all of the attention being on you"

But he was smiling, and Henry in no way was neglected for the rest of the afternoon or night.

. . .

Over breakfast the next morning, Mr Rochester was informed by Leah that Rosie had returned to work. When the breakfast plates had been cleared away and Adele ran off to play with her dolls, Mr Rochester spoke.

"Jane, I think it is best if you speak to Rosie alone"

"Do you indeed?" Jane asked in surprise, "You are her master, and the one who knows of the Baron's character where I do not. Do you not think it would be better if you were there too?"

He shook his head,

"I do not want her to feel intimidated by us both confronting her. You have a way with people, Jane, a gentleness I have never possessed. I also have a feeling she will trust you more, you having been a servant yourself. She is private, and we all know the power you possess in making people feel comfortable enough to open up to you without even trying. But, if you would rather not do such alone, I will of course come".

Jane looked to him,

"No, no, I think you are right. I think this will be best if I speak to her, woman to woman".

"Alright then" Edward said. He took one final sip of his tea before standing and taking Henry out of his bassinet beside the table. "Then I shall take Henry and inform Leah that you wish to meet Rosie in...?"

"The library" Jane answered,

He put his hand on her shoulder and kissed her briefly before thanking her.

"Thank you. If you speak with Rosie, I will deal with the Baron".

. . .

There was a apprehensive knock on the library door before Rosie nervously shuffled into the room. She waited by the door to be told where to go.

"Hello" Jane said, standing to greet her, "Please, come and sit Rosie. How are you?".

She did as she was told and sat down beside Jane in a softly cushioned chair but did not answer the question. Jane wondered if it was the most formal chair Rosie had ever been invited to sit in. Looking intently at the frightened woman sitting before her, Jane spoke in a kindly.

"I am sorry if you are ill at ease. I do not wish to make you anxious in calling you here unannounced".

But Rosie only looked at Jane. After shuffling her feet on the carpet for a moment she crossed her hands in front of her on her lap.

"Can I be of assistance to you, miss?"

"No, I do not believe so. Not right now, at any rate. But I do believe that I can be of assistance to you".

The atmosphere in the space changed instantly. Rosie's face stiffened in apprehensive fear as her hands stalled.

"I do not know what you could mean, madam"

"I will be honest and upfront with you, Rosie, because I think you deserve me to be. While Mr Rochester and myself were away we were informed of your involvement with the Baron of Kent. From what we understand, the Baron and his brother have been coming to this house to speak with you since you have learned of his true identity".

"Ms Rochester, forgive me. I never intended for your house to be affected by my life. If this is my dismissal, I would understand your decision completely".

"Oh, no" Jane said quickly, "This is not your dismissal. I do not believe that you are responsible for the way both of those men have treated you. You should know, Rosie, that you have the support of this home from myself and my husband".

Rosie looked surprised, almost as if the words spoken were too good to believe. But soon the hope fell from her aspect and she dropped her shoulders, once again bending her eyes low upon the carpet.

"With all due respect, I simply wish to put this all behind me and go back to completing my work".

Jane nodded, proceeding with caution.

"I understand that you wish to retain your autonomy within this house, Rosie. I understand your wish to privacy because I too was a servant who valued my animosity within the house I worked for. But I also know the risk you face because I was a servant, and because I know that you cannot possibly provide yourself with enough protection in the eyes of a man with far too much power over you. Whatever has transpired, whatever as occurred, the Baron of Kent had no right to lie to you, and his brother had no right to come here and accuse you of choices that were made without you understanding the truth of the situation".

Jane softened her voice more, "I would not interfere in you wishing to put this behind you if I felt it could be done on your own".

"Oh I know" Rosie said quickly, "You and Mr Rochester have been wonderful employers. The best I have ever known. You have allowed me to retain my privacy here in this home and allowed me to feel comfortable. But, with all due respect, I believe that if I ignore both the Baron and his brother, they will soon forget about me and this will all go away".

"I wish that were true" Jane said, "But you have become involved with a very angry man who, by all accounts I have heard, has never walked away from a situation not having his desires meet. His desire right now is for you to be sent away from this place, this town, so that no one can accuse his brother again of being in love with a servant".

Rosie nodded absentmindedly, her mind hanging onto another thought.

"I never..." she began slowly, but then stopped herself. Sighing, she started again. "I never wanted this, Ms Rochester. I never asked for trouble, nor wished for trouble to be brought into either yours or Mr Rochester's lives. I have disrupted your home, and for that I am very sorry. My mother is ageing, and she wants to see me settled in marriage before she dies. She wishes for some security in her final weeks, perhaps months. I trusted him too easily, did not question as much as I should have. I only wished for my mothers happiness".

Jane reached across Rosie and took her hand. For the first time, she looked almost childlike in her realisation. Rosie was older than Jane was, but circumstance and time had marked her as young in her mind. Though she was quiet and reserved, this did not make her more mature. In fact, perhaps the fact that she had never befriended one of the girls in the house meant there was no one to mature her understandings of life, no one to tell her she was wrong to fall in love so quickly, or so carefully. Jane suddenly realised now how different they were, how different their reasoning in life had been.

As a servant, Jane had never expected to marry, and because she had had no expectations, she felt no disappointment when she was alone in the world. Being resigned to this fate had not made her desperate for a man, in fact she had never even considered looking for one. Even when she did find love in the most honest and natural way, she was sceptical of the man whom she completely adored. She was weary of being reliant on him, of not being independent of him if she wished to be. She did not want to be kept by him. But his deep and unconditional love for her, and hers for him, had dislodged any notions of apprehension in her mind. It had taken time, and conversation and honesty for Jane to understand her equality to him, and his everyday actions proved such. It was only then that they had married. But here before Jane sat a girl who had acted out of not wishing to remain alone forever, and perhaps was simply ready to marry the first man who showed her the slightest bit of attention. Whether she had truly loved him or not, Jane did not know.

Jane's reassuring hand seemed to reignite something in Rosie, for a tear ran down her face, and she brushed it away quickly after blushing with embarrassment.

"I understand, Rosie. I know that you did not wish to bring such into your life. Please, do not apologise for having brought such into ours. If you cannot have complete independence in your life as our servant, then we wish to provide you with all that we can while you work for us, and that includes the security of our home. My husbands thoughts are the same, so I can speak for him on this subject. We will sort this out, and you will have to think about this no more".

Rosie was positively crying now. Attempting to stifle her tears, she dabbed at her eyes with a dirty cloth covered in ash and soot that she pulled from her dress pocket. Jane quickly handed her a clean one of her own and she took it, thanking Jane through thick sobs.

"Thank you, Ms Rochester, for your great kindness towards me. I am not deserving of it".

"No Rosie, please. There is no need for thanks and to say that you are undeserving of it could not be further from the truth. I only ask one thing of you. Mr Rochester will need to know the particulars of what transpired between you and the Baron so that when he speaks to him, he can speak truthfully".

"Of course" Rosie said, "I shall speak with him and tell him all whenever he requires me to do such".

"Thank you. In that case, I think that you should relax for the rest of the day, and have a lie down. I will speak with Leah on your behalf so that she knows where you are. Jenny informed me that you have not been sleeping much, and perhaps you are in need of it more than you think. I often find that such is the case with myself, and there is not much that some rest cannot help fix".

And so, with more tears and more thanks, Rosie left for the servants quarters, still clutching the cloth close to her wet face as she walked.

. . .

When Jane had returned to her husband who was occupying both Henry and Adele with stories, she quickly told him that she had spoken with Rosie and all was well. He had nodded knowingly, assuming that he would hear of the details later. It was not until that night, however, that Jane was able to disclose everything to him fully.

"So, did she give you any indication of still caring for the man?" Edward asked from across the room, pulling his nightshirt out of the closet and slipping it on over his head. Jane answered from the bed.

"No. She said nothing of having remaining feelings for him. But I do believe she did genuinely love him. Her quietness on that subject now may simply be from understanding the reality that a life together for them could never work. She must learn to un-love him now for her own sake, and that is a near impossible task".

"Hm" Edward said, his curls falling down in front of his face as he took off the nightshirt again. He had picked up the one which was too heavy for this time of year and quickly discarded it on a chair beside him.

"You know what I dislike most about situations like this?" he asked, searching for his other shirt. Jane smiled to herself at his exposed body. He was far more attractive in her eyes than he ever would have seen for himself.

"What?" she asked,

"That the Baron knew the place that lying to Rosie would put her in. He knew that if she fell in love with him she would have the protection of no one. He knew that she would have nothing to fall back on if she gave up the world for him and society cast her out. Whether he actually loved her or not, he acted incredibly recklessly".

"I know" Jane agreed, moving some of the blankets around the bed to accommodate for the warm night, "If he is not a bad man, he is a careless one. And to be careless with the heart is to be very cruel indeed".

Edward climbed into bed beside Jane, extinguishing one of the candles on the far side of the room and casting them into near total darkness. Even in darkness, Jane could see the dark bags under her husbands eyes telling of the amount of sleep he had been getting lately. Before she could speak, however, his thumb was caressing her face, his look concerned and thoughtful.

"You look exhausted, Jane".

"That is funny", she said softly, touching one of his curls, "I was about to say the same to you".

But he did not find that funny. His unwavering glance was surveying her attentively, not considering himself.

"Edward" she said firmly.

"Yes?"

She put her hand on his chest.

"All is well. I am just a little tired like you are".

"I am fine".

"Are you? Truly?".

His face softened at the seriousness in her tone. He put his hand on the side of her face and caressed her cheek softly.

"I am better than fine. I am incredibly happy"

Jane nodded, not able to fully believe him. Tears sparked in her eyes as she continued.

"Because with coming back to this house, and having Adele here and Henry, and stacks of estate paperwork and letters to read through, and now this incident with the Baron-"

"Shh" he soothed, pressing his lips to his wife to silence her, "I know. It is a lot. But I am incredibly happy".

She nodded again, taking his hand in hers and kissing it before pressing it to her cheek.

"I am so in love with you" she spoke, barely audible over a whisper.

His heart shattered with overwhelming love for her. Pulling her up so that she was straddling him, he took her in his arms and kissed her deeply, rubbing her back as he tangled his fingers in her hair. Jane put one hand on his neck, the other on the top of his back as she kissed him deeply.

"Mmm" she expelled happily, her heart expanding with such warmth and love that she thought her head may burst.

Edward turned her over slowly so that she was laid gently onto her back, not breaking their kisses. Moving in perfect synchronisation, Jane lifted her arms and Edward began rolling up her nightdress slowly...


	136. Chapter 136

The following day was a seemingly unspectacular one. After a shared breakfast, Jane took Henry with her up to Adele's room so that they could spend some time together while Mr Rochester attempted to make it through more of the letters that were stacked high in his office. Adele showed Jane the work journal she had been keeping at school which was filled with neatly handwritten pages of notes. Jane proudly read through, commenting on the things Adele had learned well and encouraging her in the things she still struggled with. For one strange moment, Jane felt like Jane Eyre the governess once again. It was a nice thought, as fleeting as it was, for it reminded her of happy times.

"And look" said Adele, pulling Jane's attention to the book in her hand, "We were learning about Roman soldiers, but of course I already knew of that for you had taught me. My teacher was quite impressed with me".

Jane beamed,

"I am glad, Adele. I see you remembered that their excellent military tactics was due to their organisation"

"Yes!" she piped up quickly, "I remembered because you made me laugh when you said that one day, if I tried very hard, I could be as organised as them too".

Jane laughed,

"And I see that day has not come yet. Look at the state your desk is in"

"I thought if Gwen came in later-"

"Adele. It is not the maids job to clean your desk. She makes your bed and cleans your floor but the desk is your own responsibility. Will you please clean it this afternoon?"

"Yes" she said, sounding slightly disgruntled with this decision.

"Thank you" Jane replied, squeezing her hand.

Henry made incoherent baby noises in Jane's arms and she hugged him highly, bouncing him into laughter. Adele observed him with wide eyes, smiling.

"Jane?"

"Yes Adele?"

"Was it very difficult to be pregnant?"

"It was at times, yes" Jane answered truthfully, "Especially at the end where I could hardly stand up or sit down without help. But to have an amazing little person on the other side of it makes it all completely worth while".

Adele's eyes grew very wide,

"You could not stand on your own?"

Jane shook her head,

"Only on a very good day".

"What did you do?"

"Mr Rochester was there to help me. I was very thankful for him".

"He did not send you away to Bath? Or to further regions to convalesce?"

"No, he did not. I would never agree to such a plan, and nor would he".

"But so many men send their wives there. I heard it is the fashionable thing to do, for the waters there are good for the baby and mother".

"Well, it is not what everyone chooses to do, and we had a healthy son without those waters. Just because something is a tradition, Adele, doesn't mean it is the only choice people can make. If I was sent away to Bath I would have been alone and isolated. By staying here, I had my family with me, and friends to help me when I needed it. I would not have had it any other way. Besides" Jane grinned, "Who would help me stand and sit down then?".

"I guess you are right" Adele said thoughtfully, "Of course you would wish to be around friends. I would choose the same thing".

"Well then, when the time comes for you to be a mother, you can choose to do the same" Jane said warmly.

"When do you think I shall be a mother?" Adele inquired innocently, squeezing her hands together in excitement, "I very much wish to be a mother".

"Not for a while yet. It is important to receive your education and live as a young woman before you are married. It is not until then that you can have children".

Adele looked sullen and disappointed, so Jane continued.

"It is not wise to wish your youth away, Adele. You are lucky every moment you are alive and well to experience all the wonderful things in the world. There is time for everything, including becoming a mother. Now" Jane pipped up, seeing Adele's lifted face, "I would appreciate it very much if you would clean your desk. I am going to go and put Henry down for his nap and go to check on Mr Rochester. When I return, I think it should be looking quite as good as the day you arrived".

"Yes Jane" Adele said, standing and moving over to the desk, barely recognisable under the stacks of drawings there.

. . .

Jane did exactly the things she told Adele she would. After rocking Henry to sleep for the better part of an hour, she laid him in his crib and crept from the room with the utmost caution. To wake him after trying to get him to settle for so long would have been a tragedy indeed. Upon closing the door with unnatural care, Jane descended the staircase into her husbands office.

Edward was sitting at his desk deeply engulfed in the piles of paper around him. His hair was pushed back unnaturally on his head as if he had been running his fingers through it often. With an unconscious focus he dipped his pen in the inkwell between reading different sheets of paper and did not seem to notice his wife lingering over the threshold.

"Hello" Jane said, stepping forward so that his attention was drawn to her.

"Hello love" he said, laying down his pen and turning to face her, "How are you?"

"Oh very well. I've just put Henry down for his nap and instructed Adele to clean out her desk. I came to see how you were doing"

"I am making my way through them, though the progress I thought I made yesterday has been revoked by another large stack of unopened letters I found this morning".

"Let me help" Jane entreated, "This is too much for one person, and I am doing nothing at present. In truth, I should have been in here this morning with you".

He smiled, and rubbed his eyes,

"Jane, darling. I appreciate that very much, but you are busy taking care of two children. I can handle a few letters".

Without instruction, Jane picked up a large stack of bound letters and moved over into an armchair to open them up. She sliced the letter opener through the first envelope of the pile and shook the letter out. When she unfolded it, she found something completely foreign to her inside in the form of estate balances and the division of one servants wages. She turned on her husband who merely laughed.

"Here" he said, standing to switch out the letters in her hand with a smaller stack, "These are social invitations we missed while we were away. The servant wages I had left until last because they are the most complicated. One day I can show you how to settle these, if you wish?"

"I would like that" Jane said,

But quickly into the process of reading and replying to the social letters, Jane understood why this pile had also gone untouched by her husband. There seemed to be an endless amount of dances and services and army marches and christenings that they had missed while they were gone, all of which Jane was forced to send regrets to. In truth, Jane felt all of the invites were impersonal and insincere. The Rochester's had not received any of the invitations because their presence meant anything to the hosts, rather it was a sign of status to have wealthy neighbourhood families come to whatever event you were holding. Jane was not even sure she knew half of the names written in flawless writing on the cards before her, and often asked Edward for clarification on their identity when responding.

She was opening a particularly elaborate envelope with an invitation to a long since finished picnic when there was a knock on the door and John stepped inside.

"Sir, madam" he said, bowing his head slightly, "The Baron of Kent is here to see you sir"

"What?" Edward asked in surprise, "Which Baron? The older one?"

"Yes sir. We have seen his brother here before but not this man. He said he wishes to speak with you on a matter of personal business regarding one of the servants in this home".

Edward looked serious and thoughtful as John spoke, but still instructed that the Baron be brought in. John nodded at his instructions and left again to retrieve the man.

"This is sure to be interesting" Edward said as Jane stood. He joined her at her side and took her arm.

"I guess I am finally to learn if he truly lives up to the spectacular reputation that proceeds him"

"I think you will find he does" Edward said, "And probably more".

Jane smiled as the door opened again, and she was instantly struck with how exceptionally good looking the man moving towards her.

He had pale skin with high cheek bones that sculpted his face into enviable masculine symmetry. His curly blonde hair contrasted his dark brown eyebrows and thick lashes which framed striking blue eyes. His teeth, which he beamed in full awareness of their attractiveness, were straight and bright. There was something in his demeanour which told that he was all too aware of his looks, and how much of an impact they had on the people who looked upon him. He had far too much skill in knowing how to look for anything in his appearance to seem natural. Everything about him felt constricted and forced. But there was nothing in his countenance that suggested he realised Jane could see this calculated performance. He strode forward and extended his hand.

"Mr Rochester. It has been too long. Almost ten years, I believe"

Jane was surprised at this. This man looked no more than three and twenty, but for her husband to have known him ten years ago meant he would have been only thirteen at the time. Suddenly his good looks turned remarkably boyish, and were almost silly in contrast to his worldly confidence.

"Possibly. I find I cannot remember the events of ten years ago with very much detail. Baron, may I introduce you to my wife, Jane Rochester".

"Indeed! How do you do?" he asked happily, but his look contradicted his voice. His eyes were searching, intent upon finding within Jane either the confirmation or denial of rumours he had surely made a point to hear before coming to the home.

"How are you Ms Rochester? I have heard much about you and find you as lovely as ever I was told you are".

Jane was very close to contesting his calculated remark. She found it highly unlikely that he was speaking to anyone in town who would have referred to her as lovely. And as far as her looks went, Jane was sure her plain and unassuming nature never lended itself to such romantic language in anyone's eyes. But, she chose a far more polite reply.

"I am well, thank you".

"I must say, your stretch of countryside is very beautiful. I always forget how peaceful and quaint it is. London is always so busy, and always so crowded. One looses the appreciation for seeing people, and not just passing them by".

"By my understanding you have been in the countryside for quite some time now, though" Edward said, "I did not know you had been back to London recently".

"Well I haven't" he said quickly, "But I am so used to it now that even the weeks I have spent here cannot wipe the effect of London from my mind".

"Well then" Edward said, "Please, take a seat".

He indicated the seat across from the couch where Jane sat first. Once she was seated the two men also sat down. Though the Baron made a clear effort to look confidant and at ease, his presence was still nothing compared to that of the man who's home he currently sat in. After three years of being Edward Rochester's biggest confidant, Jane was somewhat immune to her husbands powerful presence in a room. The rough exterior he had revealed to the world was never what he had shown to Jane. But in moments such as this, she was reminded of the immensity of his person. Even the seemingly unshakeable prowess of the Baron of Kent wavered in the presence of Mr Rochester.

"To what do we owe the great pleasure of your company?" Edward asked, indicating his wife beside him.

The Baron smiled, looking from Edward to Jane.

"It was very nice of you to greet me, Ms Rochester, but I do wish to discuss this in private with your husband. It is a matter of the household, after all".

"This is Jane's house" Edward interrupted abruptly, "She is not excluded from any of the conversations that take place in her home".

Jane suspected that if Mr Rochester was not so final in his resolve that the Baron would have contested this statement. Instead, he pushed aside his surprise and smiled politely.

"I actually believe I may be of home help to you, Baron, as I have spoken with Rosie directly where my husband has not and am familiar with the situation at hand"

"James" he corrected Jane, "Please, call me James. And have you indeed? So you know then why I have come, and what my intentions are"

"Well, I know that while we were away you were in conversation with Rosie. I cannot say, however, that I know of your intentions because I do not believe that Rosie knows what your intentions are".

The Baron flashed his teeth,

"Ms Rochester, to me it seems that my intentions are clear. I love Rosie and wish to marry her".

"But why have you come here for such?" Edward asked, "She works in our home, but she is not our property. She does not need our permission to marry, nor does she need permission to leave this house whenever she wishes".

"Well, in my own experience, servants are devoted to the house they serve and are reluctant to act upon their own wishes without consulting the master first".

"Rosie has not indicated to me any intentions" Rochester admitted plainly, "Did you ask her to marry you?"

"Not yet. You see, my brother heard of me meeting with Rosie and came to this house to try and stop us. Well, I believe Rosie got a bit of a fright and so I thought it best to leave the idea of marriage until my brother calmed down a little bit. He is sure to forget about this eventually but for now, I thought it best not to press the issue"

"So you have not asked her to marry you, but you are here to seek my permission in allowing her to leave this house, despite this not being an intention she indicated to me that she wanted or even expected?"

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence in which the Baron collected himself, smiling pleasantly.

"I'm sorry. There has been some kind of a misunderstanding" he said, his attitude once again far too confidant for Mr Rochester's taste, "I love Rosie indeed and intend to marry her as soon as I am able".

"And what does your family say of such a decision?" Edward asked, his voice flat and impossible to read. "You say you wait for them to think this has blown over before you will ask her which implies to me that they would disapprove".

"They will find it an impossible match, naturally" he chuckled, "But, then again, what of that?"

"What of that? There is a great deal to that of which you speak. You are an exceptionally rich man with a well connected family. You would be marrying a young and defenceless girl who would have no such resources to arm herself with. What if you grew tired of the trouble marrying her afforded you? What is to stop you from saying that you were tricked into the marriage and leaving her behind you? You could recover from such where she could not".

"Mr Rochester" he said, sounding offended, "I must implore you to retract such a horrible accusation. I love Rosie, and there is a beginning and an end to what I would be willing to do for her".

"Do you indeed? Because from what I have seen of the way she has been treated I cannot say that I see your love for her particularly clearly".

"How dare you? Of what do you speak!".

All pretence of respectability had been dropped now. The Baron's temper rose, and he could no longer control his effectively charming looks. He looked positively outraged now at a negative accusation against him.

"Well, if you loved her perhaps you would not have abandoned her without a promise of marriage only to have your brother come and threaten her at the place she works-"

"I did not know he was intending to do such" he protested, but Edward continued,

"But you can recognise that she was left vulnerable without a promise from you?"

"It was a mere two days-"

"Or perhaps the primary issue is that you should have been honest with her from the start- told her the truth of who you were so that she was not falling in love with a man she only knew under a false pretence".

His face was red now with fury, his knuckles white.

"Honest?" he spat, "She would never have accepted me had I been honest. This much I know. I lied to ensure my happiness".

"Exactly" continued Mr Rochester, " _Your_ happiness. Did you not think of hers? Of how her happiness only came from a place of believing you to be a poor farmers son? Instead you lied, and allowed her to fall in love with a man whom she believed she could build a life with. Now she has found you to be completely unsuitable for her in every possible way and must disown her feelings for you, and the security for the future she had established in her own mind".

"I cannot believe what I am hearing. A servant marry a Baron. Such is unheard of. She would be lucky beyond measure to marry me. She would know comfort and wealth beyond her wildest dreams. She would know a lifestyle of riches she has never before glimpsed unless she was washing floors or setting tables in such rooms".

Edward's patience had run out now, and he spoke frankly and directly to the man standing before him.

"Even if that were true she would also know disapproval, perhaps even disgust from your family and from your society. She would have no settled life, no approval from the world you would be dragging her into of which she is entirely unacquainted. She would likely know resentment from you, overtime, for at this moment you cannot picture how much your life would change if you wed her. What if you could no longer know the luxury of which you have been accustomed to your whole life because you chose to make her your wife? Could you live with that? Could you live with being cast out of the society you have always known? Is she worth that- is she enough for you? Because if not, there is only one thing left to do- the only decent thing you could do for her. Leave. Leave and do not come back. Part from her in peace so that she is unaffected by your way of life of which she wants no part. Go back to the plan you have been groomed for your entire life and forget her. I am sure you will soon enough".

There was an intensely anxious silence that filled the air when Edward's voice had ceased to ring through it. The Baron looked as if he was stunned, unable to speak. But the fact that he did not fight for Rosie, did not object straight away was enough to solidify his character in Jane's mind. He shifted in his seat, his fist pushing against his lip.

"Mr Rochester, you underestimate me. I thought you would understand. I thought you would remember the circumstances under which you married your wife, who I understood was your governess. If anyone should be sympathetic to the cause I am undertaking, it should be you".

Jane squeezed her husbands arm before he could respond angrily, reeling him in before he said something he would have regretted. The Baron did not see this action, so the civility with which Edward answered was surprising to him.

"The choices of my family are private matters, Baron. But I will say that I cannot imagine, even for a moment, that you could sustain yourself through whatever criticism came your way for marrying Rosie. I lived it, so I know what it is like. If I had the assurance that such would be the case for you, I would support you wholeheartedly, and yet I do not even get an inkling of this being a possibility from you"

"Ms Rochester" he said, now sounding slightly desperate as he turned to Jane, "Please. You must remember what it was like to be in Rosie's shoes. Think of your own happiness, think of the happiness I can give her. Surely I have your support if I do not have your husbands".

Jane shook her head,

"I am sorry, Baron, but I agree with everything my husband has said to you. I do not know what it is like to be in Rosie's position because I never had any doubts about my husbands willingness to defy convention for me. You have not even fought for her in this room today in front of two people who you may have gained the sympathy of. The time will come when you must fight for her against the society of which you have only ever operated within, and you must consider the fact that you may not be willing to do that".

Seeing for the first time the splitting of his reserve, and seeing his resolve crumble away in the face of realisation, Jane spoke more kindly to him.

"I believe this to be a passing thing. A momentary flash of feeling in time. With thought that considers all that is right, I have no doubt that you will arrive at the conclusion that you made the right choice in leaving Rosie out of your life. You will both be better off, and life will be easier. The things you cherish, and the things you value would most would most likely cease to mean anything if you chose Rosie over them. Could you navigate the world without such luxuries? Could you even know if you would love Rosie as you claim you do without them? If not, I think it is time for you to be on your way".

"I see" he said, standing abruptly and looking down at the people before him. Jane and Rochester both stood to acknowledge him.

"I see now that you do not wish to lose a good servant, that you are not willing to encourage a love story that would surely bring infamy to this house when it reached the paper. I understand now where such an opinion comes from. So I will go. But I want you to tell Rosie why this relationship has dissolved, and why she can no longer count on my love for her".

"In truth, Baron" Rochester began slowly, "I had not even considered those things. But I shall pass onto her directly why she can no longer rely on you. Good day to you".

And with that, the Baron picked up his hat and was instantly gone.


	137. Chapter 137

Hello everyone!

Sorry for the long awaited update. I did not mean to take so long, but life really did get in the way. I am really excited for some upcoming chapters in the story and I hope you are too. More soon!

Thank you, again and again for all the love and support. It means more to me than you could possibly know.

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In the week that followed, normality returned to the Rochester household in full.

Rosie cried all throughout Jane's explanation of the Baron's quick and final departure. Although Jane suspected that her tears came from embarrassment rather than sadness, she still felt sorry for her. When Edward stepped in to offer his condolences and his own explanation, Rosie only nodded, not wishing to raise her glance too much from the floor.

She left the room, but as she did so Mr Rochester called out to her.

"Rosie" he said, stopping her in her tracks. She turned slowly,

"Yes sir?"

"I am not sure whether or not the Baron of Kent is a good man. All I have to judge him on is actions towards you, and these do not reflect well for him. But he is also a spoiled man. A man who I am sure has never been accountable for a moment of his life. So, I will tell you that I do believe he had feelings for you, but giving up the life he has been raised in was not a possibility for him. I am only sorry he could not realise that before he dragged you into his life".

She nodded appreciatively.

"Thank you, Mr Rochester".

. . .

In that following week Jane also received letters from both Anne and Diana detailing their time since the party had disbanded from Captain Franklin's residence.

Diana wrote that her life had become significantly less exciting. She said that Captain Franklin had left the day after the party for London disbanded and had not yet written to her to say when he would be back, so she was busy trying to occupy her time until he returned. She also said that Mary had become more of a recluse since everyone had left, spending her days locked in her room reading but really making no process in the various books she held. Anne wrote similarly that her husband was tied up in meetings and research since he returned to his house and that she was busy hosting her cousin visiting her from Sussex. Jane remembered Anne once telling her that Mr Eshton did not much like her cousin very much so Jane suspected it was perhaps a good thing that he was too busy doing research to be around very much.

On Friday morning, Jane was sitting in her husbands office reading over some letters when he entered, a curious searching look on his face.

"Jane, darling" he said, "Did you forget about this?"

He was brandishing a piece of paper in his hand that he handed to his wife when he arrived at her side. Jane scanned over the letters and groaned, slamming her palm into her forehead.

"I did, I completely forgot. Oh no".

It was an invitation from Lady Denver to attend tea at her house that afternoon. Well, it wasn't so much of an invitation as it was a demand that Jane arrive at a certain time to a certain place for tea. She had completely forgotten about it, for when she had intended to reply originally, Henry began to cry and she had been whisked away.

"Are you going to go?" Edward asked, amusement in his voice.

"Well, I do not have a choice, do I? She will be expecting me".

Mr Rochester smiled knowingly.

"I know you will go Jane, for it is the right thing to do. Do not worry about what is happening here at home. I will take care of Henry and Adele".

"I promised Adele we would go strawberry picking this afternoon in the lane, she will not like to be disappointed".

Mr Rochester nodded, "Very well, that is where you shall find us when you return, I imagine".

Jane stood up and kissed her husbands cheek.

"Thank you".

"Of course"

"I am going to go and finish getting ready" Jane said, but she stopped and turned when she reached the office door.

"Oh Edward?"

"Hm?"

"What does formal dress mean for tea?"

He laughed heartily and smiled,

"Well, it would be, for you, the equivalent of what you would wear to an evening dinner at another persons home".

"Oh" said Jane in surprise, "And she wishes me to dress like that for tea?"

"She has said as much, but also I know you, so I will go and call the carriage for you now".

Grinning, Jane nodded,

"I am just going to go and say goodbye to the children. Then I will be straight back down".

. . .

Jane had never been to Lady Denver's house, never having had a reason to travel so far to the south of her own home. Here the countryside was older, and the feeling that the gentry had inhabited this land for generations was vivid as the carriage rolled down picturesque winding roads. Sheep grazed freely from field to field, sparkling lakes detailed the land between rich forests and high hills surrounded the valleys of flat land that ran beside the road. There was not another living soul for as far as the eye could see, and Jane felt for a moment as if she was Jane Eyre once again, lonely and desolate in the world.

But then her mind instantly thought of her family surely occupied at her home, preparing themselves for lunch and then eventually for strawberry picking in the late afternoon. If this tea was as long as she guessed it may be, which was the respectable time of an hour, Jane could be home again in time to find them in the field. At one time, Jane would have found it perfectly pleasant to travel in this carriage alone to an unknown place. At that time, travelling in a carriage meant that something was changing in Jane's stationary and stalled life. She could admire the passing trees and streams and birds freely, and hope that one day she would be able to sketch them, in some private moment. There was no meaning of time in her life, for time evolved around a schedule which was an unchanging fixed point that did not budge. Now, however, she had a family at home, and she was no longer completely content to sit in the silence and the solitude. Perhaps it was not very temperate of her to miss them so much, and perhaps it would be better if she spent more time outside of the house with female companions as other women did. But it could not be helped, she missed her home.

These thoughts were still running through Jane's mind when the carriage made a wide turn down a straight drive who's ultimate view was obscured by high stone garden walls. Eventually, turning out of the closed in shrubbery, the house came into view. Jane was not sure whether to call this a house or a castle. The enormous stone facade was frightening in its grandeur, and the towers which flanked the house were like two giant lookouts, scouting out the land and people surrounding the house. There was no growth around this house, rather the land was flat and barren and bleak for as far as the eye could see. The hills which rolled behind the house stretched endlessly with no sight of any other life. Observing this all, the carriage stopped in front of the door and there was instantly a swarm of servants opening the door and helping Jane step down from the carriage.

A man who was standing in the doorway stepped forward immediately towards Jane and bowed deeply. He was distinguished, dressed well but was incredibly stiff and just polite enough not to be considered rude.

"Ms Rochester, I presume" he said bowing, "Hello"

"Hello" she replied, but the butler looked only briefly towards her and simply continued,

"Please, come through into the sitting room'.

Jane followed him, not daring to disobey his ordering commands. Inside, the house was equally as intimidating as the facade. The floor and walls were the same cold grey stone as the exterior, and with only a few high windows the house felt very dark. Long since faded tapestry's hung on every wall, certainly to keep the heat in, making the place feel oddly contained and confining. Though it was late summer days, there were large fires burning in every hearth, making the space sickly hot and perfumed. The small of drying flowers overpowered Jane's senses as she carefully walked forward, conscious of the uneven flooring. Eventually, after what seemed like a long walk, they arrived at the entrance to some room with a massive wooden, iron handled door which the Butler did not enter.

"Just in here, madam".

When the door closed behind Jane again she found she was quite alone. This room was slightly more pleasant to Jane's tastes than the rest of the house was, though it still had the same claustrophobic, sweltering feeling. Occasional bookcases were lined around the wall, but other than that there was very little furniture. There were no windows here, though if there were they would similarly be covered by wall tapestries. There was the sound of voices in the hallway and the door opened. Lady Denver appeared and then behind her Father Andrew appeared. Jane stood and Father Andrew suddenly looked quite awkward and out of place, especially since he had nothing natural within him that helped disguise such feelings when they came.

"Ms Rochester, you know Father Andrew of course?"

"I do indeed. How are you, Father?"

"Oh, very well, very well". There was a slight pause and then, I'm sorry" he blurted quickly, "But I think it is best time I take myself off. I have much to do for the sermon this week and they do not write themselves. Good day to you both, it was nice seeing you. I hope to have the pleasure of your company again soon, Ms Rochester".

Picking up his hat and hovering on the spot for an awkward moment, he was off.

Jane was still thinking of his sudden departure when Lady Denver mumbled for her to sit. Jane looked at her, and she sighed,

"Please sit Ms Rochester. I am an old woman, and cannot stand forever".

"By all means" Jane replied, sitting in the chair across from where Lady Denver indicated she would be sitting.

Lady Denver drew a pocket watch from an inside pouch and clicked it opened. She observed the time and nodded to herself.

"You are on time"

"I try to be when I can, yes".

"It is not often people are on time when visiting me. It upsets me, quite. But seeing as you have not committed this offence, I suppose you think I should stop talking about it".

"Not exactly, I think you can speak on whatever you like"

"I see" she said slowly, "Well I do not wish to speak on it any longer so, tell me Ms Rochester, why is it that you think I have called you here today?"

"In truth, I am not sure. I did not think too much about it knowing I could not answer the question myself".

"Then did you consider why would I not invite Anne Eshton? For I like her too and she is a little more to the taste of the women I have traditionally kept in my life".

Jane glanced at the old woman sitting before her, covered in lace from head to toe and looking rather miserable.

"If she is more to your taste, Lady Denver, then perhaps she would have been the better invitation for you today".

"You mistake me girl" she said sounding angry, "I said that she is traditionally more to the taste of the women I kept in my life. Now I am at the end of my life, I crave a different kind of company. One that is more honest and more truthful with me. I am tired of being flattered- of people tip toeing around me in order to ensure they remain in my good graces. When I meet you, you did none of these things and I did not realise how much I appreciated it until I returned home and really thought about it. When I heard of the scandal that Mr Rochester had married his once governess, then run away servant, I cannot tell you what I felt. Surprise, shock, even. I wrote to my friend to tell her of the news when I had heard it immediately, but that is when I learned she had passed. Well, regardless, you see I knew old Ms Rochester a long time ago. How much she would have disapproved of you-"

"Lady Denver-"

"But, she would have disapproved of anything which would have ensured young Mr Edward's happiness. She always favoured her older son, Rolland. You of course must know the story by now-"

"Lady Denver" Jane repeated, not unkindly. "I am not sure why you are telling me of the disapproval that my husbands family would have had for me, nor that you were shocked at our union, nor that you disapprove of our marriage. It seems an odd way to greet a guest. I came here to have tea with you, not to have my life placed under the analysis of your moral and social conscious. I am happy with my life, and so I must ask you to please not continue down that train of thought".

Jane did not know how she would react for a moment, but then she nodded.

"Very well. And, so you know, I do not disapprove of your marriage. I have a tenancy to ramble, for I am an old lady with many thoughts and no one to talk to share them with. Where that particular conversation was going was that I am glad you married Mr Rochester. I was speaking to Mr Eshton, Captain Franklin, Anne Eshton, Diana Franklin and Mary Rivers during the ball held at the Franklin's house. I am interested in you and your husband. You could be of use to me, I am sure. I asked all of those people about you and your marriage and they all told me exactly the same thing- that he loves you and that you love him. In this world of gossip and status do you know how rare that is, Ms Rochester?"

"I do not much care for gossip, so I could not say very honestly how rare it is".

"It is rare, I tell you it is. I was wrong to think his marrying you was for any other reason than love. But I had to know. Mr Rochester's mother and father were selfish, conceited, low people who cared only for money and only about image. His brother was the same and they all perished. Good riddance, I say".

Jane stifled a grin and nodded.

"Well, I cannot speak ill of them because I did not know them. But may I ask why you are interested in me and my husband? You said there is something we may be able to do for you, and indeed I am sure we could if I knew what it was".

"Not now" she said firmly, "Later".

Jane would have sat pondering this last thought but Lady Denver spoke again without missing a beat.

"And do you like this home of mine?"

"It is very impressive" Jane answered honestly, "I am sure it has served many noble families before yours"

"I wouldn't know, it certainly wasn't our family home. We never had any family to speak of" she said dismissively, "It is my husbands home. I moved in when I was sixteen. By that time most of his family were dead from the fever, and so I never meet them. I never much liked this place"

"But you never made much of a point to try and make this house your own" Jane commented, surveying the room, "You told me once you did not like reading, and yet those bookshelves are the only furniture in this room besides these chairs".

"Where was I to put the suits of armour and the paintings child?" she asked

"Into storage, perhaps, into guest rooms which no one sees but on a rare occasion. If you do not much like a house, and you have lived here since you were sixteen with little family to interfere, I imagine that it was difficult for you to feel completely comfortable".

"I didn't care much at the time. Though I do not like this house I am too old to change it now. Besides, you speak of being comfortable, and I think comfort is a very dangerous thing for a woman to feel. She is not meant to be comfortable, she is meant to be a good wife- and sometimes that means being uncomfortable. Though, knowing your nature, I wonder that you are not disagreeing with me right now in your mind".

"I certainly cannot wholeheartedly agree with you, though I understand the validity of what you say".

"Go on then" she urged,

"Well, marriage is a complicated union of two complex individuals. By nature, then, there is no simple meaning to what makes a good marriage. It depends on the circumstances of ones character, and the circumstances of rank and station. For example, a farmer may love a woman for her character very much who is far above his station, and she may love him equally. Even if she had her families support, and even if he was willing to marry her, for other reasons it may not work. A farmer needs a wife who is willing to work with him, as well as keep the house, for it is a job which requires much labour. If a woman is raised in privilege, unaccustomed to hard work or personal sacrifice, even with the best intentions it probably would not work out. In a different case, a man may need a wife who is stimulated and lively, for perhaps he is shy himself and in need of assistance during social events. That sort of relationship requires a strong driven woman, not a submissive one. With that being said, what you say is also true of some women. Some may not want to marry for love, or for money or any sort of social gain- some simply wish to marry for comfort. If a woman has an uncomplicated nature, and wants no fuss or issue in her life then being a kind and quiet wife to her husband may be the best thing for her. So in my eyes, what makes a good wife, and a good marriage can be drastically different".

"Even if everything you say is true, time changes all things" Lady Denver argued, "Just because a man likes a strong willed woman when he is one and twenty, who is to say that he will like the same at fifty".

"Well, as you say, time does change everything. But, if you can be opened to changing with it, and you communicate to your partner along the way, then I suppose you have the best chance at making that change an easy one".

"Ms Rochester, you say such based off of the assumption that men and women are equal, and we are not. Men are meant to be providers, protectors, the head of the house. Women fall to his side in all he commands, for that is our role as wives and mothers".

"But Lady Denver, even accepting the role of wife and mother, why can we not be equals in that role to our husbands as fathers and protectors? Do we not bring all life into this world? Are we not the strongest force of love? Does that not make us equal to men?"

Lady Denver looked thoughtfully down at her lap. The normal rapid-response she spat at Jane was replaced with reflective consideration. She folded her hands before her and looked up at Jane- her confidence unshaken.

"Even if I do not believe you, I am happy that for some reason, you can believe it to be the truth".

There was a quick knock at the door and the tea tray entered with a young servant. She laid the tray between them on the table and left the room again. There was quietness between the women as tea was poured, and when Lady Denver handed Jane her cup, she observed her momentarily.

"And what do you do with yourself in free moments, Ms Rochester. This topic is of great interest to me since it is all I have myself".

"I spend most of my time with my family, and especially now since my husband's ward Adele is staying with us too".

"Apart from that? What do you do in your alone time when the nurse is with the children?"

"I have no nurse"

"You have no nurse?" Lady Denver asked sharply. Jane guessed she would have been more surprised if she had the energy for it.

"No, I do not"

"And why not? I suppose the one tradition of the upper class where the mother is given help is too much for you to accept too?"

"Well, in my experiences nurses do not help the mother, rather she raises the children while the mother indulges in her own life. I was raised by a nurse in my aunts home, and I wished very much my mother had been there to raise me. Besides, I enjoy it very much. To be a mother has been the keenest pleasure of my life".

"You continue to surprise me, Ms Rochester. I cannot imagine why you should take on such a task on your own, but if you say you enjoy it, then I would have no power in persuading you".

"No, you would not", she smiled.

Lady Denver tilted her head inquisitively,

"I am afraid your answers are rather extraordinary. I am not sure how to process the half of them. Though for you to have such a blatant disregard for the traditions of the life you have been brought into is refreshing for me. I never dreamed of straying from what was expected of me, and yet you seem to do it with a natural ease that is disarming".

"It was very frightening at first" Jane admitted, "Though I may have been raised into such circles at a younger age had circumstances been different, I was wholly unacquainted with the the customs of the upper class having been raised in an orphanage away from all civilised society. The staff at that school were as miserable as the students, and that was all I ever knew. When I met my husband, he too had a natural disregard for formal custom outside of what was polite and gentlemanly. In that regard, we have always been similar".

"What is this of your past? You said you were raised in your aunts home by a nurse, but now you tell me you were raised in an orphanage away from all civilised society. What of that?"

Jane proceeded to tell Lady Denver all of her young life, how her parents had died and she was left in the care of a loving uncle who died soon after them. This was followed by a period of misery in her life in which she was tormented, teased, belittled and pushed aside by her cousins. After her aunt had had enough of her passionate temper, enhanced by the cruelty of her children, Jane had been sent to the orphanage Lowood. Lady Denver listened with keen interest, asking questions wherever Jane left out a detail of the story. Jane could see in her eyes that she sympathised with the loss of Helen, and that something inside of her softened at the image of impoverished children who were orphaned.

"And you advertised to leave, under the advice of your friend Helen?"

Jane nodded,

"It was the advice which I held closest to my heart. Perhaps Helen knew innately that I would stay at that school for much of my life without the encouragement to leave. When I was a teacher for two years, saved some money, and lost the only other friend I had made there besides Helen in the form of a teacher, I left".

"And that is when you were hired at Mr Rochester's house?'

"Indeed"

Lady Denver hesitated before the next question, but proceeded in spite of her doubts.

"Did you love your master straight away?"

Jane laughed,

"No, indeed I did not. He was changeable, burdened, sarcastic, and unpredictable. I did not know what misery his life was- how low a life can become when you know that your life is to be truly void of happiness forever. But, overtime, he showed me the truer aspects of his character not affected by the circumstances of his life. He was intelligent, very funny, thoughtful, passionate and honest. He treated me as an equal in every respect, in spite of the fact that no other person in the house gave me a second look".

"I loved my husband right away" Lady Denver said decisively, "From the first moment I met him. And he loved me. No matter how things may have changed over time I am sure of that".

Jane smiled, nodding to her companion.

"I am sure he did love you very much'.

"If I had been able to have children he may have loved me for longer. I will never know the answer to that now, but I think of it from time to time. Because I failed in my wifely duties, there will be no continuance of his family line. Not from me, anyways".

"What do you mean, Lady Denver?"

"Only that he had children with other women".

Jane looked sadly at the woman sitting across from her "You sound sure of that".

"Well, I don't know what else a man does alone in London for four months at a time while his wife sits at home, but I can well imagine he found ways to entertain himself".

Jane started apprehensively, but with much heart.

"If such is true, then he was a bad man, no matter whether or not you could give him a child, and not deserving of your love".

Jane thought she saw the smallest grin move over her face.

. . . .

When the carriage pulled back down the drive of Jane's home the warm sun was starting to drop in the sky. The house was illuminated by the glowing light of the late afternoon and Jane could not help but smile.

"Jacob" Jane called, "Would you mind stopping the carriage here?"

"Are you sure my lady?"

"Yes please, I want to check in the lane for my family".

"Very well miss, I believe that is where they are."

Jane listened to the carriage drive back towards the house as she set off for the path which lead to the overgrown lane. As she approached, she heard voices. She would have known them anywhere in the world.

"What do you mean?" Adele asked in a high pitched voice.

"If you do not wait for the strawberries to ripen they are bitter and harsh. Try this one"

Jane rounded the corner to see Adele biting into a small lightly pink strawberry. Her face contorted at the taste.

"But that is not sweet at all".

"Exactly. You must be patient and wait".

Edward manoeuvred his son to his other arm and rested him on his lap.

"How much longer will I have to wait for these to be sweet?"

"Perhaps another week, or more?".

"Hopefully not that long" Jane said, alerting everyone to her attention, "They look far too good to leave for that long"

"Jane!" Adele called, jumping up and running to meet her.

"Hello" she replied, hugging her tightly, "How was your afternoon?".

"Very well indeed. We picked many strawberries but I think I left my basket over there somewhere. One moment, I will show you!"

She bolted off around a hedge before Jane turned on her husband and son.

"Hello"

"Hello love, how was your tea?"

The happiness in his face and the warmth in his voice at seeing her made Jane almost blush. He kissed her lips and then her forehead as she sat beside him in the grass.

"Hello my little one" she said, taking Henry form her husbands lap and kissing his cheek. She bounced him happily as she responded to his question.

"My tea was good, thank you. Better than I thought, in truth. Lady Denver surprised me".

"In what way?"

Adele spun around the corner again, her basket swinging recklessly at her side and spilling strawberries all over the ground. Jane smiled at her husband,

"I will tell you later".

Adele knelt down in front of Jane and showed her the now significantly less filled basket.

"Wow, how wonderful Adele. You must have been working a long time".

"I have been. And Mr Rochester was eating some of my strawberries so I worked even harder than it looks like I have"

"I hope that is not true" Jane said, glancing towards her guilty looking husband, "I hope at least he picked his own to make up for the ones of yours he ate".

"He absolutely did not"

"How terrible of him" Jane said in mock frustration, "Well I promise you Adele that I shall speak with him later on the subject, but for now I imagine you are hungry"

"I am! I am going to run back to the house and tell Leah you have come".

"Not run" Jane corrected Adele, "A lady does not run"

"Very well. Can I walk quickly?"

"I think it is best you do" Mr Rochester said, nodding authoritatively.

When she once again the corner of the lane and vanished behind the tall bushes, Edward stood and offered his hand to his wife to help her up.

"Come, let us get some supper. I imagine you are hungry after all day"

Jane took her husbands arm and walked towards the house, listening to him tell her about his afternoon with Henry and Adele.


	138. Chapter 138

Much later that night, Jane entered her bedroom to find her husband sitting up in bed with his eyes closed but not asleep. He looked worn, but not unhappy as he sat there pondering over thoughts of the day.

Jane undressed without saying anything, taking off her dress and letting down her hair so that she felt immensely more comfortable. She bathed her face in cool water and dried it with a cloth before looking at herself in the mirror. She thought that she looked tired. The lines under her eyes were more pronounced than usual, and she was perhaps a little bit pale, but she did not linger on that thought for long. Instead, she rose from her seat and moved towards the bed, climbing in and pulling the blankets immediately up around herself. She turned onto her side and closed her eyes before she felt her husband sink into bed beside her.

"Are you too tired to tell me of your day?" he asked, his voice heavy and thick with a need for sleep. Jane smiled to herself and turned over.

"Are you too tired to hear of it?"

"Perhaps, but I will try very hard to stay awake".

"Very well" she said, moving onto her back. Edward tucked a piece of hair away from her forehead as she began speaking. "My day was well, for tea was better than I imagined it would be. Lady Denver had quite an intimidating house".

"How so?"

"Everything was covered in the same monotonous cold grey stone. There were two tall watchtowers which flanked the house on both sides, and there was absolutely no natural growth at all besides the grass that was cut so closely to the earth that it may have been no grass at all. There was not another sign of human life surrounding that house, the servants were obedient and silent- that is what it was, the house was so eerily silent in every way".

"And was there a drawbridge?"

"You tease me, but it is not too far off from the reality of that place. Regardless, she took me into her house and I saw Father Andrew"

"Did you?"

"Indeed, I believe he spends much time with her, counselling her in her life's affairs".

"I would not be surprised if it was the other way around" Edward said fairly, "But their families are very old acquaintances, for Father Andrew comes from much money"

"Does he indeed? I never would have imagined"

"Well, I think that is the way he likes to be seen, as humble and able to sympathise with those less fortunate than himself. But yes, he comes from an immense amount of money. I only made the connection the other day while talking to Eshton".

"Interesting" Jane pondered

"But continue, what did he say to you?"

"Not much. In fact, when he learned of my presence he took off faster than a bolt of lightening. Not more then two phrases passed between us before he was out of the front door and off. But of course, I imagine that I know why".

Edward nodded knowingly, "What can be said, Jane? He loved Mary, or if he did not love her he certainly felt an attraction to her. But she was with child, and he could not take her and her situation into his life, so now he must be iron and rock to us all. I am not surprised, though I am sorry for them both".

"Not only that" she added, "But Edward, I read something about him today which really surprised me, and now I cannot get the thought out of my head"

"What is it?" he asked seriously,

"Just after dinner, I received a letter from Anne, who heard from Mr Eshton in town that he was now engaged, and had been bound to this woman, at least in their families intention, for quite some time".

"Who could he possible be engaged to?" Edward asked in surprise

"An Eliza Spencer, the daughter of a Duke in Westminster "

Edward shifted his weight to that he was pressed up against the headboard, arms crossed in thoughtful contemplation.

"There was an Eliza Spencer who was introduced at court not five seasons ago. She was indeed very beautiful Jane, with red hair, and fair eyes, and natural curls which made her the primary talk amongst all of the ladies. But nothing ever came of her debut. She never married, never became attached to anyone- could it be the same person?"

"I do not know, though Diana told me her only reputation is that she is a beauty, and that this proceeds her everywhere she goes. If you say she is very beautiful, it is likely she is the very same person"

"How strange. Father Andrew does not seem to be the type to marry a noble woman. Though he comes from money, Father Andrew has not lived that life of luxury in so long. He is, I believe, a countryman at heart, for he was absolutely miserable in Bath".

"Is it possible that we simply did not know him well enough to understand that he perhaps cares more about these surface things than we originally thought?"

"What do you mean?"

"That he understands beauty and status and wealth to be far more important than we thought he did"

"Well" Edward began, his hand rubbing the small of his wife's back, "Does it change anything now?"

"No" she answered, "I do not believe it does. The reason that we all softened so quickly to his awkward and sometimes even foolish demeanour is that we thought him to be one day attached to a member of our family. Now that he is not, and apparently is promised to another, I do not see how it can matter to us anymore".

"Perhaps I softened to him for such a reason. But you, Jane love, softened to him because you saw in his person a kind soul who was in need of honesty and guidance. That does not change because he is no longer a person of particular interest to your cousin. I know that you cared for him initially because you wished to see him succeed in this place, and I do not think that so much has changed now".

"Well, that does not matter anyways" Jane confessed, "For he will not even so much as look at me now".

"His loss" Edward replied kindly, "But continue with telling me of your tea. Father Andrew said hello but left quickly, then what".

"Well, Lady Denver asked why I thought she had called me to her presence, asked why I thought she invited me when she could have invited other women more suited to her class and status. And then, she said something that was truly confusing to me. She said that you and I may be of use to her in some way one day. When I asked her what she meant by this, she only told me that I would learn in time, possibly".

"She is very presumptuous to call you to her home for tea, ask you to speculate why you are there but then not tell you"

"I'm not sure what all of it was about, but indeed it was strange. Regardless, our conversation after that was one that was honest, and good. She told me of her husband, Sir Denver, that they married young and she could never give him a child. She told me she believes that he had many other children with woman in town, and that is why he would spend months away from the house at a time and only returned when there was some urgent business to deal with at the house".

"As you know, that is unfortunately the practice of many husbands. Lady Denver may have particular reason to suspect her husband though. He is rather infamous for his ways in London, and has been I believe since he was a young man. When I first heard her name when she came to the house, I wondered if she was his wife".

"I cannot imagine she would lie about such a thing, but she also did not seem to be too much bothered by it. I hope such is the case. Whether or not time has softened the effects of her heartache or she has always taken a more passive stand on it, it surely is better than feeling conflicted all these years later".

"Do you know, when I saw you round the corner to the house today, all flushed with happiness at the prospect of being with your family again, I was reminded for perhaps the hundredth time today that I never have to be one of the husbands who wonders or worries where his wife is"

Jane only smiled, "You tease me in saying such".

"I do not take it for granted, Jane. You know my past. You know me to be a man who was not always as faithful as I should have been, despite the circumstances. I do not trust easily".

"No, you were not" she affirmed, "But now you are. And I know it. And I do not take it for granted. Though I know both men and women escape to cities to hide amongst the crowds, I have never for a moment considered that man would be you".

He dropped his head to press his lips to hers appreciatively. He was all warmth and love as he drew back, brushing his lips against her forehead. Jane brought her hand to his face, brushing her thumb gently over his under eyes.

"You look very tired".

He dropped his head again to press his mouth to his wife's, this time with more passion and intensity than before. Jane smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him into her.

"I would rather kiss you" he said breathily between their connecting mouths.

She slowed his kisses, running her fingers through his hair as he drew back to look at her. He kissed her behind the ear, sending fluttering through her entire body before he lay down beside her. He drew her into his chest, her bum resting against his stomach. He sighed in his contented masculine way and closed his eyes, but Jane's mind was still running.

"Edward?"

"Yes love"

His voice was mumbled with his mouth pressed against his wife's shoulder.

"Where do you find cheating men and women in London?"

"Hotels, brothels, theatres, back alleys, carriages, streets and other places".

"Oh" said Jane quickly, nodding in surprised understanding. There were still some points on which she was largely innocent.

Edward chuckled, kissed her shoulder and was asleep instantly.

. . . .

Summer ended and fall entered the countryside of England with an almost unnoticeable ease. Leaves turned slowly on the trees until one day, in looking out of some window, a person may have believed the very world was on fire. Flowers budded their last brilliant bloom as the days clung onto sunshine for as long as possible. The warm wind turned cooler, the cloaks were aired from the closet and fires were lit in the day.

Adele stayed at the Rochester's home until the last possible moment, until her returning to school was necessary and almost last minute. It warmed Jane's heart to know that she was excited to return, that she said she had much to tell her friends, and that she knew that Christmas was really not very long away. She was happy, and so Jane held back her own tears as Adele got into the carriage and headed down the drive.

Henry seemed to be growing and changing everyday. At five months old he was as sweet and content as any parents could wish their child to be. His hair grew in thicker and curlier and his dark eyes, so like his fathers, brimmed with understanding and curiosity for the world. More than ever, Jane felt that time was slipping by with her son faster than she could appreciate it and she never wanted to be away from him.

At the same time, Jane felt incredibly happy to be alone in her house with her husband again. Because of all the socialisation they had done in the past few months between hosting their own friends and then staying at Franklin's house, Jane had almost forgotten that by nature she was not inclined to be naturally communicative. Edward was the exception, and always had been. His presence was nothing but an addition to her comfort and happiness. Indeed, it was not so easy to forget how much she loved him when he showed his care everyday in small gestures. On one particular morning he had placed a note in her book so that when she opened it, his words of wishing her a good day fell out onto her lap. Overwhelmed with feeling and a great love for him, she walked into his office to tell him so.

Edward was sitting at his desk, scribbling notes onto a large piece of paper when he heard the door open and then close. In looking up he saw his wife standing there, and he in turn surveyed her curiously.

"Jane, darling, are you well?"

"Oh yes" she said, suddenly realising how foolish she perhaps was in rushing in here to tell her husband what she felt. He had looked more busy than she had expected him to. Her pause in speech to think on this caused him to drop his pen and observe her.

"Is there anything I can do for you, then?"

"No, not a present" she said.

Edward stood and advanced towards her but she put her hand on the knob and turned it to leave.

"I will see you at dinner-"

"No, no, no" Edward said in reaching her. She only smiled as he took her hand off the knob and closed the door again, smiling. "What is it?"

"It can wait, you are busy"

"I am not. And at any rate, I am far more interested in you than any work in this room".

Jane bit her bottom lip in thought, but then grinned at herself.

"If I tell you, will you promise not to act in your normal way"

"What do you mean by that?" he asked, his smile almost turning to laughter,

"You know- the way you act when you are amused by something foolish I do"

"Now that-" he said, wrapping his arms around her waist, "-is something I could never agree to. I find you far too attractive to not be amused by you from time to time".

But Jane only looked at him and smiled,

"I was just sitting in the library thinking about you-"

"Were you indeed?" he asked, in the amused tone that Jane only moments ago asked him not to use.

"And I was thinking", she paused, unable to hold back her beaming smile, "-I was thinking about how happy I am, and it is all because of you and what you have given me and what we share together. It is because of our son sleeping in his room, and it is because of Adele not wanting to leave us, and so many other things- but you are at the centre of them all".

Edward cupped his wife's face in his hand and drew her into a deep kiss. He pressed her gently against the wall and wrapped his other arm around her waist. Jane wrapped her arms around her husbands neck and ran her fingers through his hair, pushing into his scalp.

"Jane, love" he breathed "You cannot continue with that or I will not be able to help myself"

But she only smiled honestly, looking into his face.

He nodded,

"Come on then" he said, lowing her gently from the wall and taking her hand in his.

He lead her upstairs, Jane rubbing his hand in hers as they rounded the corner at the top. Henry would be sleeping in his nearby nursery, but other than that the house was peaceful and quiet.

Jane had not noticed the sky turning a dark grey, nor did she hear the rain smashing upon the window but she realised both when she stepped into her room. The cool grey light which was dispersed throughout the whole room was not cooling, nor was it steely, but it was calming and peaceful. Jane walked over to the window, large as it was, and stared out at the wet landscape. It was difficult to make out the detail of the trees and paths through the water which streaked panes of glass, but even that in itself was beautiful. Jane felt arms around her, and then lips pressed into her neck. She leaned back into her husbands arms, still focusing on the blurred and distorted landscape before her.

As he pressed his lips to her jaw, Jane closed her eyes and smiled to herself.

His hands dropped from around her waist and moved to the back of her dress. He fumbled with the clasp so that it took longer than normal to remove, but Jane only smiled at his mumbled frustrations. When her dress had hit the floor she turned around to smile at the man she loved with her whole heart. She pushed his jacket from around his shoulders so that she was free to remove his shirt underneath. As soon as his chest was exposed, Edward lifted his wife into his arms and brought her over to the bed. She landed on the mattress with a light thud, smiling as Edward moved above her. He kissed between her breasts, sucking her nipple though the thin material of her under dress. She gasped, arching her back under the sensation swelling in her head.

Jane sat up, resting on the edge of the bed so that Edward stood before her as she undid his pants. She kissed his stomach, moving her mouth lower as he groaned deeply in satisfaction. He tangled his hand in her hair before pulling her mouth back and kissing her hurriedly.

Moving over her once again, he pushed himself into her quickly in one sweeping, powerful motion. Jane gasped, but the sound was masked by her husband's moan. She grinned, and silenced her husband.

"Sh, sh, sh" she laughed, kissing his lips as he pushed into her again. He smiled too as she lay back down, closing her eyes and trying to control her own sounds.

"Who are you to tell me to be quiet?" he asked playfully, kissing her forehead as he thrust into her deeper. Jane put her arms around his neck, bringing him closer to her. She did not last long as her husband varied his pace between shallow quick thrusts and deep slow movements. Jane bunched the bed sheets in her hand before she was hit by the absolute overwhelming feeling of dizzying pleasure. She shut her eyes tightly, feeling her husband shudder against her, and then release himself within her. Smiling, Jane kissed her husbands shoulder as he fell beside her. Opening her eyes, she looked upon Edward and thought there was no more beautiful sight in the entire world. He turned his head so that his eyes fell upon her. His face broke into one of his radiant grins before he closed his eyes again, drawing his wife into a close embrace.

. . .

Jane was not sure how much time passed before she spoke again. The rain continued to beat upon the window and run down the glass in a hypnotic rhythm, the sky remained grey, and such were a sufficient enough lullaby to almost lull Jane to sleep, wrapped as she was in her husbands arms. Her eyes felt heavy, but she would not allow herself to fall asleep. Not in the middle of the morning as it was. But then again, Henry had cried most of the night, and although Edward was the one up with him he had woken Jane every time he rose or returned to bed. Because of this, and because of his silence, Jane thought he was asleep, but he kissed the back of her head and squeezed the hand that rested in his.

"You know" he said softly, "We have been married one year and five months".

Jane nodded,

"I know we have".

"Imagine, Jane, if you had chosen not to advertise on the day that you did. Or imagine that my duties to Thornfield Hall did not call me back to that old mansion on that cold November night? Imagine both of our souls living in the world and yet not being together. It is a seemingly impossible thing to imagine".

"It was not chance that I was called to Thornfield and you were called back to it. You were placed in my path as I was placed in yours. God did not put two souls such as ours into this world to not be together".

"No, I suppose you are right" he affirmed, moving his large and warm hand to her stomach.

Jane pressed her back closer against his chest and sighed, breathing in his scent and feeling a calmness pour over her.

"I wish everyday could be this" he said thoughtfully, "Just you and I, until we were needed by our son- then we could be together with him. I am afraid I do not want to share you with the rest of the world. Is that selfish of me?"

She shook her head in reply,

"Are you unhappy with our life right now? I do not mean in general-" she said quickly, stopping him from interjecting "-I know that you are very happy. I mean, are you unhappy with how much time we have spent away from home lately? Though you are always polite and gentlemanly, I know that you are by nature not necessarily the type of man who wishes to be constantly surrounded by company. Lately, it is all we have known in our lives. Frankly, being here in our home again with you made me realise that I miss the days that are this, and only you and I".

Jane turned over, looking into his genuine, attentive face. Edward smiled to himself, running his thumb affectionately over Jane's cheek.

"Jane, love. If you are tired of visiting in other peoples homes and you just wish to be in your own, there is no shame in that. It is quite tiring to be outside of your routine in an unfamiliar house".

"I know"

"But you feel like you must help at a distance" he said knowingly, "Which makes it difficult to be completely at peace in your own home. You have been thinking much about your cousin lately, and about Lady Denver, and about everyone. Though it is natural for you to be concerned with everyone who you care about we have a baby here who demands all of your attention,"

"And yours" Jane said fairly,

"Indeed, but I do not have the natural desire to aid everyone as you do".

Jane smiled a sideways grin, squinting suspiciously, "Do you not?"

"That is besides the point. I do not want you feeling as if you have stretched yourself too thin".

"I would never. In truth, when last we spoke your words resonated in my mind for quite a long time afterwards".

"Which words were those?"

"You told me that I could not help others where I had no energy to do so. Besides, Henry and you are the most important people in my life. I could not lay my head down at night and sleep well knowing I had abandoned you in any way".

"You are incapable of such an act Jane, it is simply not within your nature"

"No" she answered forcefully, "Especially when it comes to you, for I am drawn to you with a force that is quite impossible to understand".

But he only smiled and kissed her again before propping his head up on his elbow. Jane twisted one of his curls around her finger, looking at the wall behind his head.

"I suppose I thought that if I helped with Mary's pregnancy, and then Diana's marriage, and Lady Denver's loneliness that all of these things would come to an end, and everyone would be happier. But I am learning now that life will always present challenges, and for me to feel like I must help in all of them is rather silly of me".

"It is not silly of you" Edward argued, "You are made to feel that way because you help others so naturally and so well that eventually people come to expect it from you. It is entirely unfair".

Jane smiled briefly before turning over and bringing her husbands arm around her protectively. She rested her head on his shoulder and traced her finger up and down his arm lightly. He kissed her cheek sweetly.

. . .

Henry's cries roused them from their dream-like state. Edward, able to dress faster than his wife, had gone in to tend to their crying son while Jane put back on her different layers of clothing. As she was sitting in front of the mirror fixing her hair there was a rough rapping on the bedroom door.

"Ms Rochester, I am sorry to disturb you. There is a visitor for you downstairs and she seems quite frantic".

Jane stood up quickly opened the door to see Jenny standing before her, eyes bent on the carpet and hands held in front of her.

"Ms Jane" she said quickly, "I am sorry to bother you, but she seemed so distressed I thought I should tell you".

"Who is it, Jenny?"

"It is Ms Eshton"

Jane nodded,

"Tell her I will be straight down, in the meantime, please make sure she is comfortable"

"Yes miss, of course".

Jane pushed opened the door of the nursery and saw her husband walking in the middle of the room, bouncing Henry on his shoulder. He turned when he heard the click of the latch and looked upon his wife.

"Edward, Anne is downstairs and Jenny said she seems quite distressed"

"Why? What has happened?"

"I do not know yet".

"Eshton is out of town, from my understanding. Perhaps I should go down. Henry needs to be fed, darling"

"Then I will feed him and come to join you when I am finished. Thank you".

"Of course".

He wrapped his arm around Jane's waist as he kissed her forehead, handing Henry to her. He was gone in an instant.


	139. Chapter 139

Hello all!

Thank you, very much, for all your extremely kind comments recently. I will be messaging you all back very shortly. I had a really busy past few weeks, so posting was spotty. But I will have more for you all very soon!

Hope you are all well, thank you so much again.

Much love,

xoxo

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When Jane rounded the corner of the sitting room with Henry she saw that Anne was sitting across from Edward, speaking in an animated voice. She was trying very hard to stifle her tears at the expense of her voice being weak and shaky. Both people looked up when they saw Jane. Edward was rather serious, and Anne seemed panicked.

"Anne, what has happened?" Jane asked sitting down beside her friend and putting her arm around her.

"Oh Jane, the most terrible thing. My cousin, the one who was staying with us, she has run away with some man and cannot be located".

"Run away? What do you mean?"

"She left on a trip with a respectable mutual acquaintance of ours for London. She is young, she wished to be in society, and in truth we thought it would be good for her, and she would enjoy herself. While there, she apparently meet a man and was swept up entirely with him. The two have not been seen since the ball they last attended together the night before last. Jane- I do not know what there is to be done. Mr Eshton is away, and I cannot contact him for all the good I have tried. The longer we wait, the further away they will travel and the harder they will be to discover. I am afraid there is nothing that can be done".

"Do you know the name of the man she has run off with?"

"No" she stammered, "Not at present. He is- he is a solider, I believe. But there is nothing we can do and so it does not matter what his name is".

"Anne, be at ease" Mr Rochester entreated, "There are things we can do, just not from here. Your husband will need to be located immediately in London, and since Captain Franklin is in London as well it is likely he will be able to help- especially if he knows some military Captain who will be able to locate his soldier. Did Eshton take his man servant with him?"

"He did"

"Then Eshton will need to be sent for through other means. I will send two of the boys from our household- they always enjoy the ride into town. Do you have any idea of where your husband may be staying while in London?"

"I do not know that either. He spoke of possibly staying with an acquaintance but I do not remember his name, and I am not sure that was ever properly arranged".

"That does not matter- Eshton is well known and he will be able to be located quickly. Let me go and speak to my men now, when I return I will tell you what their plan is".

He stood and departed without waiting for a response.

"Your husband is such a good man" Anne said weakly, "Though this is hardly news to myself, let alone you".

Jane smiled appreciatively but then looked intently at her friend.

"Would you feel better staying with us tonight, Anne. I imagine you are feeling quite guilty home alone-"

"I know what you will tell me, Jane" she said, seriously but not unkindly. "I know that you will tell me it was not my fault, that I could not predict this, and that she was capable of making her own, better choices. But she was still under my care, and knowing that she never was out in social circles before I should have gone with her to London. I see that now very clearly. So thank you, very much, for the invitation to stay, but I must remain at home. If any news arrives of her whereabouts, or if Mr Eshton attempts to contact me, it will be there he would write. In the meantime, I shall try to be content, and I shall try to not slip into too much guilt or shame".

"If you will not stay for the night then you must stay for tea, at least. I cannot see you go home like this, convinced there was something you could, or should have done to prevent her disappearance".

"No, thank you Jane" she said sadly, "I think I would like to be home by myself at present".

Edward came back into the room, clearly having made haste in his return.

"The man servants are departing now. Their instructions are clear- to head into London and try and locate Mr Eshton before I arrive tomorrow morning. If they are unsuccessful, I will find and inform Franklin of the situation and together we shall find Eshton".

"Oh Mr Rochester, you are very kind, but such is impossible".

"Why is that?"

"It is too much to ask of you to ride to London. In truth, if there was anyone else I trusted enough with this very sensitive issue, I would tell them instead. For I know you share a small child, and are very busy in taking care of him".

Jane and Edward looked at each other, a soft look of understanding passing between them.

"Anne, please know that my husband would not offer his services to aid you if we could not manage it between us. You are a friend of this home, and as such, you will always have our help".

"But you will not leave tonight? It will turn dark soon- it is too dangerous to ride alone at night".

"No, not tonight. I will depart early in the morning".

"Very well" Anne nodded, her eyes bent low on the carpet. "Thank you, Mr Rochester, for everything. And thank you Jane, for the comfort you have given me. I shall take my leave of you now, for I wish to be at home at the first sign of news".

"But of course, let me return you to your carriage" Mr Rochester said,

Jane stood, her arm still around Anne, and walked her out onto the front steps where her carriage still stood in the drive. After a few quickly expressed words of gratitude, Anne was once again being wheeled away back to her house.

. . .

Much later that night, after Henry had been put to sleep, Jane and Edward sat in their room talking over the events of the day. Jane, for once, had undressed faster than her husband, who was busy scanning letters from Eshton, looking for a possible mention of where he was staying in London. When he had concluded that there had been no mention, he sat down beside Jane on the couch and began

"I wish you were staying with me" Jane said quietly into her husband's shoulder as he undid his boots. Her words made him stop. It was a sort of confession from her, something she uttered quickly but regretted saying immediately.

"And no" she continued at the look on his face, "Not in a way that means I need you would stay with me and not go to London. Just because I will miss you very much, and so will Henry".

Edward drew her close to him and planted a kiss on her forehead. Jane closed her eyes and smiled.

"Love, you do know what you have done just now?"

"No, I do not"

"You have ensured your own passage to London tomorrow morning".

Jane paused, looking at him curiously.

"There is absolutely no possibility of me leaving you home tomorrow after the way you just said you wished I was staying with you"

"No, no" Jane said, "I should not have said anything, knowing the way you are"

"What does that mean?" he asked, grinning slightly. Jane gave him a knowing look before she kissed his cheek and stood up. He smiled to himself as she got into bed, pulling the blankets up around her.

"I am serious Jane" he said, following her shortly afterwards into bed, "Come with me. I can arrange for us to stay in Franklin's Townhouse or Eshton's with absolutely no trouble. If I am honest, I think business in town will take us longer than one day. Once Eshton is tracked, then Franklin, we still must find Ms Eshton's cousin. Once she is found, if she is found, we can go and retrieve her"

"If?" Jane asked concerned, "You do not suspect that we will not be able to find her?"

"She is young, she ran off with a man without thought. She could not have planned well how she would hide herself from society, so I am sure we will find her. Though many young women slip away and are not seen again in London".

"I see" Jane said thoughtfully, "Of course it may take longer than a day. If such is the case, would it not make more sense to bring Anne too? She knows her cousin, we do not. She has the most information regarding where she was last seen and heard from".

"Oh Jane, no" Edward protested, "Anne is upset at present, and the trip to London is not a short one. She has asked information to be sent to her house, and if any is on the way she will have missed it by the time we arrive".

"Who will be sending her information if she could not find her husband?"

He looked very hesitant.

"I do not know, darling. As fond as I am of Anne, Henry will be with us, and if he is crying for hours on end, I am sure she will become frustrated given that she is already anxious for this situation to be resolved".

Edward was right. Though Anne was always patient and kind, especially with those she loved, when she became stressed or worried she lost that patience very quickly. She herself was the one to point this out to Jane, having told her friend that she wished at moments she would be more temperate when difficult things arose.

"You are right, but I think it would be unfair for us to go without inviting her to come. She may not want to, but if she does, we are leaving her home to feel helpless. And if something does occur in which she needs help, there will be no one left here to help her".

Edward looked thoughtfully at his wife, sighing.

. . . .

The next morning, Edward helped Anne down from her carriage. She thanked him quietly before hurrying towards Jane.

"Thank you, Jane, for taking me to town with you. I hope I have not caused much trouble".

"Of course you have not, Anne. Your presence will be invaluable to finding your cousin, I am sure. And with you there, I am sure she will be found much faster".

Edward was ensuring that Anne's cases were moved to the his coach as she rocked unhappily on the spot.

"You are not coming because of me Jane? I hope that such is not true, especially with Henry-"

"No" Jane corrected her quickly. She lowered her voice considerably, smiling. "I am going because Edward does not like being away from home without his family".

Anne smiled in return,

"Of course".

"Ladies, are we ready to depart?"

"I think so" Jane replied, "Anne?"

"Yes, very ready"

Jane had wrapped Henry in extra blankets as the coach was no doubt to be colder than anticipated, especially when moving. His face appeared so small between the layers of blanket so that all she could see were his large cheeks and dark sparkling eyes. She bent down and kissed him as Anne was helped into the carriage,

"Are we going to London?" Jane asked "It will be your first time in the city. I wonder if you will like it as much as your father does".

Edward smiled at his wife,

"I cannot imagine so- not with us as his parents".

Jane laughed,

"Perhaps not, but who knows".

She took her husbands hand as he helped her inside the carriage.

"Thank you" she said, low enough so that it was indistinguishable to anyone else but him. She was thanking him for a multitude of things, but she knew he understood the two simple words. He smiled knowing at her as she kissed his cheek and moved into the carriage. He followed closely behind so that the doors were instantly closed behind them.

. . .

The first part of the drive passed with pleasant conversation. Though Anne started off reluctant and perhaps feeling slightly guilty, the Rochester's comfort set her at ease, and soon she was talking quite naturally. Henry fussed little, sleeping most of the ride. Jane and Edward took turns holding him, switching only when their arms became numb from holding him in the same position for too long.

After some silence had lapsed between the party gathered in the wake of laughter, Anne turned rather serious. She seemed to check her happiness, and remind herself that she was to feel sorry for the situation at hand. She sighed deeply, scrunching her hands together on her lap.

"Mr Rochester, I must ask you something, though a truthful answer may tear my conscious in two. Will we ever find Catherine? Or is she a lost cause, and I am to face the consequences of it all. I do not know if I am playing the fool right now".

"In truth, Ms Eshton, I have little personal experience when it comes to this particular situation. I do know, however, that such scandals are more common in families than one would often like to admit. They boarder on being perhaps even common. It is my understanding that Catherine ran away quickly, and that her choice to depart with the gentleman she did was not premeditated. If such is the case, we have a very good chance of locating her. In truth, the chances of success in finding Catherine rests almost entirely on one thing, and that is money. Your husband can afford to pay the sum required to bring her back, and so I am inclined to think all shall be right in the end".

"What sum? Why would my husband need to pay her a sum to return? If we find her, she will want to come back to us, surely".

Edward paused momentarily, thinking of how to proceed.

"Often, in cases such as these, the men can be paid off with even the smallest sums of money to leave the woman alone and never contact her again".

"And why would the young man need to be paid off?"

"Because he will, unfortunately, have something to use against Catherine. He has a way to ruin her reputation in good society forever".

"Despicable" Anne snapped, "Absolutely unbelievable. To think that love could be shattered with something as simple as money. Though I suppose that to those with money, it is hard to fathom what it is to be in need of it".

"Anne, do not make yourself uneasy" Jane urged, "Let us worry only when we have arrived in town and have run out of options. By the time we arrive I am hopeful the men from our home will have found your husband and he is already in search of her. Do not let your spirit be broken so quickly. All will be well".

She looked as if she was going to protest, but she nodded and relaxed back in her seat. She looked up at Jane, and smiled weakly.

"I am so thankful for you Jane, and for you Mr Rochester. I could not have borne this alone. I would have crumbled away into nothing from the stress and worry of it all without your comfort. Especially to you, Mr Rochester. I know you are not fond of town".

"I am not fond of town for my own personal reasons, Ms Eshton, because of the man I once was during the times I spent there. I shall be happy to return with much happier company".

It was only after that that the carriage ride became significantly more difficult. Rain began to beat down on the windows and roads, causing the carriage to slow significantly. It also brought a chill, dropping the temperature, making the carriage much colder and damper. Jane was suddenly very thankful for the extra blankets which had been packed that morning. It saved the passengers of the carriage from being chilled and uncomfortable for hours to come. Anne tried to sleep, but Henry became fussy, and indeed fussed for the rest of the ride. The Rochester's energy became entirely focused on easing his comfort, trying to rock him and soothe him in spite of the rain and cold and bumpy road. His crying seemed to ring loudly in Jane's head, even in the moments he only whimpered and whined.

When they finally arrived in London it was late afternoon. The streets were crowded with people carrying out business, running in and out of the rain filled streets with little consideration for the traffic passing over it. They finally stopped outside of the Eshton's townhouse, a tall and pleasant home on the main street that was consistent with the others that flanked it. It became evident that only the very wealthy lived here. Flowers filled the baskets of these houses, the walkways were clean and washed compared to the streets and servants arrived out the duties of the house rather than individuals themselves.

There was a rush of servants who greeted the carriage when it arrived, all busying themselves immediately with removing the luggage from the carriage and bringing it inside out of the pouring rain.

"Eshton must have learned of our coming" Edward said, looking at Anne, "Such is good news".

Edward opened the carriage door and stepping outside. He turned to help Anne out first where she was meet by a group of servants holding an umbrella and then turned back to help Jane and Henry from the carriage. He took off his jacket and held it over their heads so that they remained as dry as possible while he became quite soaked. Once inside, his jacket was taken by a servant, and Jane examined the inside of the home.

The foyer was a bright white, with checker tiled floors and a large staircase leading upstairs. There were minimal furnishings here, but the house did not feel bare. Flowers were laid in vases, and fires were lit in every room. Anne immediately took up conversation with the servants, ordering them to arrange the most comfortable room for her friends so they could warm up before supper. When it had been announced that the room was already prepared, the Rochester's were brought swiftly to it to change.

. . . .

"Edward, could you please hand me something dry of Henry's?"

"Did he get wet?" he asked, opening his trunk and fishing for a clean and dry long white shirt.

"No, I do not think so, thanks to your heroic and foolish gesture of removing your coat in the rain. But I do not want him to catch a chill regardless".

"No, of course" Edward said, "Here, let me dress him and you change yourself. You did not escape the rain with as much success and you are just as likely to catch cold".

"What are you talking about? You are quite soaked through".

"Yes, but I never catch cold"

"And I do?"

"Only occasionally"

Jane eyed him, but he was determined and already undressing his son, so Jane opened her own trunk and searched for something appropriate to wear. Since dinner had been announced upon their arrival she assumed a slightly more formal attire should be adopted, though even her most formal dining dress was not nearly as ornate as some. She agreed upon a royal blue dress that she did not wear often, but had been packed by one of the servant girls, perhaps Jenny, for her to wear in town. The dress had dropped shoulders, with the smallest line of white lace slightly poking out from the neckline and capped sleeves. The belted waist gave a flattering shape to the fuller skirt.

"Could you help me please?" Jane asked, holding up her hair so that her husband could help do up the back of her dress. He turned from playing with Henry and smiled at his wife.

"How pretty you look" he said, with enough genuine love to make a person's heart dissolve. Jane blushed.

"I do not wear this dress often, it seems rather formal, but Jenny packed it and I thought I should wear it, seeing as we are in London".

"Well, you should wear it more often. Royal blue suits you very well".

"Thank you".

As he buttoned the back of her dress closed, Jane caught Edward smiling to himself in the mirror. She turned on him,

"What is it?"

"Nothing" he said, closing the last button. "It is only that I prefer to undress you"

He kissed her cheek and smacked her bottom before receiving a disapproving look. Jane moved over to the bed where Henry was squealing happily and picked him up, gently kissing his cheek.

"Do not listen to your father, he is a very bad influence. You are far too sweet for him to corrupt you".

"Corrupt him?" Edward asked indignantly. But Jane only smiled and bounced their son lightly on her knee. Though his cheeks were red and rosy, Jane worried for the long journey her son had travelled that day.

"Darling, I am going to take him downstairs by the fire for a little while. Just in case he was exposed to too much cold today. Will you come down as soon as you are changed?"

"You had him wrapped so warmly, love, that I cannot imagine there was anyone warmer in the world. But yes, I will be down in a moment".

Jane walked over to him and allowed him to pull her face towards him and kiss her deeply. She had to stretch onto her tip toes to reach him, but greatly felt the loss of him when the kiss ended. He kissed her forehead lovingly before she was on her way.

. . .

The sitting room that Jane was brought into was warm, welcoming and comfortable. Anne was nowhere to be seen, but Jane guessed that the servants had been given specific instructions to wait on the guests of the house with the utmost care, for all were eager to see Jane put at the greatest ease.

She was sitting quietly, rocking her son and waiting for her husband, when there was a soft knock on the door and Mr Eshton stepped inside.

"May I come in?" he asked

"It is your house, Mr Eshton, of course you may. Besides, we are old friends now, are we not?".

"Of course you are, Ms Rochester. But you are the guest here and I have much to thank you for".

"Do you indeed?"

"I do. You have helped my wife through a very difficult situation. She has a tenancy to worry too much, and allow herself to become over excited with any increased amount of emotion she feels. I am glad you were there to smooth those emotions".

"Do you think that she is wrong to be concerned at present?"

"Of course not. What happened is incredibly unfortunate. Though I cannot say I am surprised".

"Really? In what sense?" Jane asked, slightly disappointed at Mr Eshton for not preventing the situation if he had seen it coming.

"I have meet Catherine twice before she came to stay with us about a month ago. The first time was at the same social gathering I meet Anne. At the time I found her to be a little too loud, silly and too interested in what attention she was receiving from the men in the room. But since I was happily occupied with getting to know Anne that night, I did not remember the memory until I meet her again when she came to a party hosted by Anne's mother for our engagement. This time, her youth could not serve as an excuse for her behaviour. I spoke with her that night whereas before I had only studied her from afar. She talked much of the frivolous things that most young girls are interested in, and spoke too loudly of her opinion of others. I thought my-well frankly, my annoyance with her would be shared by others, but I was quite wrong. She was the apple of her families eye, both in looks and in personality. Everyone found her charming, beautiful, and easy to forgive. Everyone thought her to be likely married within the year, despite only being 15, and to be welcomed into one of the most respectable families in London. This did not happen, and her family could not understand why- still, they upheld the belief that she was too fine for the class of which she was more suited for, and soon grew restless of her stagnation in life. That is why she was sent to me and Anne in the first place, to bring her into a different society where she was to be further admired and likely find a husband. While staying with us I continued to find her vain, shallow and ultimately frustrating, but Anne took to her, claiming to see much of herself in the girl when she was her age-though I find the comparison impossible to make. It was one night during a dinner shared with a rather old family acquaintance of Anne's that this couple offered to take Catherine into London to find a partner. Now, here we are".

Jane sat, contemplating all that had been said. In truth, it seemed very likely as no level-headed young woman would run off with a naval officer to forever ruin her reputation and chances of marrying well. She also knew Eshton to be unimpressed with frivolous young women for he had been unimpressed with Blanche Ingram and the other young women who had stayed with him at Thornfield Hall all that time ago. Still, it was surprising that Anne was so taken with so foolish a young woman- that was not like her at all. Mr Eshton smiled,

"I hope you are not disappointed with me, Jane".

"No, indeed not. Why ever should I be disappointed with you? I am only surprised at Anne's preference for her if she is truly as you say she is. From my understanding, that is not normally the type of woman who Anne likes to spend her time with".

"No, it is not. But when we locate Catherine, Jane, and you have a chance to meet her, I think you will see why. She is very charming, indeed. Besides, she is Anne's cousin. They have known each other since they were little girls. I believe she indulges Anne, and Anne allows it because it flatters her".

"Well, I will be happy indeed to meet her, for it will mean she is safely back in your care".

"Me too. Anne's family is furious- the only thing stopping them from blaming me and marching down to London is that Anne's father arranged his old friends to accompany her to London. He is only biding his time until, if it is needed, he must come down and join us in the search. Though I am hoping it will not reach that point".

"What has been done so far to aid in finding her?"

"Well, when your men came and found me in London I sent them immediately off to find Captain Franklin. Today, it was his intention to meet with the Captain stationed here in London in order to see if he has the connections to meet the Admiral responsible for the soldier who ran away with Catherine. I hope such will prove a tangible place to start".

"When will you hear from Captain Franklin?"

"He is supposed to be arriving for dinner tonight. Hopefully we shall know more then. But how is Henry? Was he well on the ride? I am so sorry, again, I was not here to receive you when you arrived".

"No, not at all. And Henry is well. Very well, actually, for he slept most of the ride. It was not until we were nearing London he woke up".

"Good" he said definitively, "Shall I give you a break and hold him a little while?"

Jane nodded, handing her son off to Eshton who received him warmly. As Jane watched Eshton rock Henry, looking down intently at him, she thought she saw some sort of longing in his face- some regret which masked his features temporarily.

"Henry seems so well all of the time. He is not like other babies I have known".

"I am very thankful everyday that he is a happy child. One must only show him love to soothe and calm him and make him content".

Eshton nodded, chuckling once.

"So simple, yet something so many people complicate".

At that moment, Edward entered the room looking more composed than he had when Jane left him. He walked over, greeted his friend and sat beside Jane.

"Edward I was just thanking Jane for you having taken Anne to London. You have no idea what she would have suffered alone at home".

"Of course. It was nothing. She was a very pleasant companion and eager to arrive and help".

"I know. And it is best that I now go and speak with her".

He stood up and passed Henry back to Jane,

"I hope you are not leaving on my account"

"As if you had such power over me, old friend" Eshton said, "No, I really should see my wife. She has remained upstairs in her room all day. If you'll excuse me-"

And with that, he swept from the room.


	140. Chapter 140

Hello all!

I just wanted to say thank you, so much, to you all.

I realised that this week I have been writing this story for two years. Two years! Honestly, writing this story has given me such an important therapeutic outlet, and knowing that the story has resonated with you has been incredibly touching. I am so grateful for you all, so thank you- from the bottom of my heart.

This chapter is a long one, but more coming very soon!

Love to you all,

xoxox

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Edward put his arm around Jane's lower back and looked to make sure that the door was close before sitting back and sighing. When he spoke his voice was low and cautious.

"I was speaking with Eshton earlier, for he seemed rather unhappy. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that he suspected that Anne had a miscarriage a few weeks ago. He found a sheet covered in blood when we went to the laundry in search of one of the servants. They would not give him a direct answer as to what happened, for they claimed they did not know"

Jane closed her eyes regretfully.

"Oh no"

Edward nodded,

"Eshton said that her inability to keep a child is creating some distance between them. Primarily because Anne did not tell him, and he was upset that she does not confide in him".

"He must be patient with her. I know that such much be hurtful to him, and so he has a right to be upset. And yet, Anne is only hiding this because she is so ashamed of herself".

"She has no reason to be ashamed".

"You think that way, Edward, because you are far better than any man I have ever meet. But a woman's only job is to have children, to be able to provide her husband with an heir. If a woman cannot do that, she is useless in the eyes of a marriage".

He shook his head,

"I know that it is what society demands, and what the marriage contract may demand formally in writing, but surely real relationships must transcend the convention, Jane".

"For some. For us, at least. I know that I still would have been valued as your wife, even if I could not have given you a child. But Anne takes pride in being a wife- it is all she has ever wanted, and the only training in life she has ever known. I am sure she is devastated and embarrassed. If what Mr Eshton suspects is true, she has lost three babies now".

"I am sorry for it" Edward said genuinely, "Truly sorry".

"I am most sorry that she must be suffering alone at present, with no one to confide in. I cannot imagine how I would have made it through the loss of our child without you" Jane said, looking up into her husbands face, "Truly".

He kissed her temple, pausing before drawing back. Jane took his hand in hers and brought it to her lips before lowering it and holding it in hers.

At that moment, one of the servants stepped into the door to announce that dinner was being set on the table. Eager for some food, and to see Captain Franklin, the pair stood and advanced into the dining room.

. . . . . .

This room was similarly fashionable to the others in this house, with its tall windows and long table of handsome dark wood. The lights were low in the room, with candles along the table providing the only light. The minimal amount of servants working in the house did not take away from the immensity of the food which had been prepared. Soup, meats, breads, cheeses, tarts, and other dishes were spread over the table in a way which only showcased the ridiculous amount everyone would need to eat in order to finish it all by the end of the dinner.

"There you two are, we could not find you".

"We were securing Henry for his nap" Edward said, "Or else we could never settle him tonight"

"God forbid" Franklin commented, smiling.

Jane noticed Anne looked down at her plate at the mention of Henry, and so she changed the subject.

"It is very good to see you, Captain"

"And you, Ms Rochester. It has been far too long since I have seen such happy company".

Edward helped Jane into her seat before sitting down beside her.

"What have you been doing in London, Franklin?" Mr Rochester asked, laying his napkin on his lap.

"Well, I was originally in London to see the new list of navy recruits that Captain Lockeart asked to me to see to. But now I am only too thankful I was here, for I can be of use in the present situation".

Eshton signalled to his footman that he had enough soup so that he moved on to serve Anne.

"Now that we are all here, fill us in Franklin. What did you learn of today".

"I did not learn much. The man who I wished to speak to was a Captain Ashbury. He is in charge of new recruits into the navy and is thus in frequent contact with General Baron who approves the new recruits into the army. General Baron would be the man who could identify which soldiers have recently abandoned post without notice. Captain Ashbury, however, was occupied today with a personal matter so I could not speak with him. I have, however, set up a meeting with him at nine o'clock tomorrow and if you, Eshton, and you, Rochester would like to come. Ashbury is a decent man, and will be of service if he can".

As the footman was drawing back from Jane's bowl he lost his grip on the ladle he was holding and dropped hot soup onto her front and side.

"Good God man!" Eshton cried from across the table, "Ms Rochester is our guest, and the soup is very hot!"

"No, no" Jane interjected quickly, "I have so many layers of clothes on I did not feel a thing.".

Edward stood up and handed Jane his napkin so she could sponge herself off.

"Madam, I am so sorry" the footman said painfully, "I do not know how it happened. It was an accident, please. This is only my first night. I am terribly embarrassed-".

"It is quite alright, it was only an accident" Jane said, looking at him kindly.

"Thomas, go on" Eshton said, "There will be no more serving for you tonight".

"No, wait a moment" Jane said, "Could I please see your gloves?"

The boy nodded nervously, handing Jane one of his gloves with a slightly shaking hand.

"This was not your fault" she said examining them, "For these are the wrong gloves. There is no traction for you to hold onto the dishes with".

"Well who gave him these gloves?" Eshton asked, spinning around to see the Butler with an upturned face looking forward blankly.

"An oversight, sir"

Eshton sighed angrily, then shook his head.

"Ms Rochester, I apologise again. Thomas, please go and find the proper gloves downstairs and then rejoin us"

"Yes sir" Thomas said, moving out of the room quickly towards the servants quarters.

"I am just going to go and quickly change, I will not be very long" Jane said. Anne rose across the table, laying her napkin down and looking all too eager to escape the conversation for a few minutes.

"I will assist you"

The girls were seen off by the gentlemen who stood at their departure. Once around the corner of the dining room Jane heard Franklin say,

"She is a good sport, Rochester".

Anne only smiled,

"You know you are a good sport, Jane. I am glad you noticed about the gloves, for poor Thomas has only started, and the mean butler here is not very kind to him, I'm afraid".

"Then why do you simply not go out in search of someone else?" Jane asked, but Anne only shrugged passively.

"He has worked in this family for generations. Mr Eshton indeed moved him here after being the butler in our home in the countryside, for he was too intense and too contrary. I believe he has grown even more so since being moved to the city. Oh Jane, I am truly sorry. Your dress is so lovely too".

"It is nothing that a little soap and water will not fix".

"Well give me the dress immediately when you are changed and I shall have the ladies downstairs clean it for you".

They reached the bedroom door and Jane pushed her way inside. It had been made up for the night with a warming fire and fresh sheets. It looked rather lovely and modern in this light. Anne smiled appreciatively at the room as she closed the door.

"This house really is lovely, is it not?"

"Truly" Jane replied, "I like it a great deal".

"It belonged to Mr Eshton's aunt. But she was widowed, and none of her children survived past childhood. She left the house to Mr Eshton's mother, and when we married, Ms Eshton offered us either this home or the one in the country".

Jane looked up at her friend as she rooted through the closet looking for another suitable gown for dinner.

"You sound as if you may have preferred this house to the one in the country"

Anne smiled sadly, dropping her hands from sorting through the fabrics.

"I believe I would have. I grew up in the city, so I have a fondness for it that many others do not. Besides, I believe the first time we meet I told you that our home in the country feels too large, and too impersonal, for I cannot change one thing in terms of the decoration without Ms Eshton commenting quite angrily on it. Mr Eshton also wanted his children to grow up in the country, and-" she stopped herself quickly, "Well, that has not happened for us yet".

Jane walked over to her friend and placed her hand on her shoulder,

"Take courage, Anne. You have been married to Mr Eshton for but a year and a half. It takes many couples longer than that to conceive a child. You must not put so much pressure on yourself for something that is completely normal, and completely natural".

"I know" she said, sounding as if she was trying very hard to contain frustration from bursting out of her, "But I hate to disappoint my husband. He so wants a son, and with another wife I am sure he would have had one by now-".

"Anne" Jane said firmly, "Your husband does not want another wife. Not even if it meant he could have a son".

"Do you believe that?"

"Of course, Anne. Your husband cares for you very much. He wants your happiness as much as he wants his own"

She blinked back her emotions and pulled Jane into a tight hug.

"Thank you, Jane. I am so foolish sometimes. I do not know what I would do without my dear friend".

"Your feelings are never foolish, Anne. And you shall always have me. But be careful!" Jane said, smiling, "I do not want to cover you in soup!"

"Oh!" Anne said, leaping back and moving towards the closet again, "Well, on that note, let us get you changed again for dinner in something equally becoming. Though it would not matter what you wear, for your husband looks on you always in the same way".

Jane blushed very slightly,

"You know" Anne continued "When Mr Eshton told me of Mr Rochester's state before you entered his life- always travelling, never feeling at home anywhere, never feeling settled, I cannot imagine what comfort and ease you brought him. How much he must have loved you for it".

"I brought him less comfort then he brought me, I am sure".

"And you never-" Anne grinned, "Well, perhaps it is none of my business"

Jane looked to her friend curiously.

"That is not like you to be shy"

"Well, I do not wish to pry"

"You are very welcomed to pry"

Anne paused, considering, and then continued,

"When you first meet Mr Rochester, and he was the master of the house, did you not even for a moment think he could be anything... more to you?"

Jane laughed,

"No, indeed not. He was cross, and changeable, and prideful to a fault. But overtime, we became friends- true friends. He was the only person in the world who I felt saw me for who I was, and appreciated that person, and wished for my happiness just the way I was. I fell in love with him slowly, and with no intention of such being the case.".

"My goodness. It sounds like a story out of some fairy tale book"

"I do not mean to make it sound so".

"Well, regardless, I have never seen you two not married, and so it is the most natural thing in the world for me to see you in that way. And I have never seen something I wish to strive for more".

Jane burned with embarrassment. It was often the case with Anne, Diana and even Mary that they used her marriage as a mirror to hold out to themselves. Jane wished she could have told them that all love was different- that it was unfair to draw comparisons between them. They were all married and they loved their spouses, and were loved in return. That was enough. But before Jane could assemble an answer, Anne was shaking her head.

"These will never do for a formal dinner. And now Thomas has ruined the beautiful dress you brought"

"Oh Anne, I am amongst friends. I am comfortable wearing any of these dresses I brought-"

"Nonsense. Just one moment"

Before Jane could respond, Anne swept from the room. Jane slipped herself out of the stained dress she was wearing and laid it on the vanity near the door. The door opened again, and in walked Anne, shielded behind a large and billowing purple dress.

"Here we are. This is quite beautiful too. Lilac suits you equally well".

Jane smiled,

"Thank you, Anne. But where did this come from? Is it yours?"

"No, indeed. These belonged to my cousin when she was much younger. She has since had many children and will not fit into these anymore. The very sight of them makes her long for her youth. Slip this on and I will help you with the back. These laces are so tricky, it always takes my maid so long to do them up on me. It is quite a tedious process".

"Anne, I really do not-"

"Jane, do not argue with me. It is wasteful for these dresses not to be used, is it not?"

"Yes. But perhaps they could be given to women who do not have much clothing to wear. That would surely serve a more meaningful purpose-"

"Jane!"

Seeing that she was losing this battle, and wishing to return quickly to dinner so that her absence was not too long, Jane agreed. After Jane had stepped into the dress, Anne pulled the laces closed one by one and Jane found she could barely breathe.

"Goodness. I am not sure I have ever been held in so well by a dress"

Anne glowed pridefully.

"A woman never has an excuse to have a large waist- not that you do Jane! You are indeed a glowing portrait of a feminine figure. I just think women look so flattering when their waists are small".

"Mhm" Jane said, trying to adjust to the tightness.

"Anne I will not be able to sit in this"

"You will, look, sit here".

She indicated the side desk which Jane lowered herself into.

"See, you look lovely".

Jane stood again with some difficulty and walked over to the mirror, horrified by what she saw.

"Anne, I absolutely cannot wear this", she lowered her voice "Look at the top of the dress! It is far too revealing".

The dress was far lower cut than Jane was used to. The neckline fell gracefully off the shoulders and dipped lowly into her cleavage, which had been greatly exaggerated by the tightness of the bodice.

"The dress is modern and beautiful. I am wearing something very similar. It is not revealing at all! All the new ladies being introduced in London this season are wearing this design. Now come, I am sure dinner is getting cold".

"I shall be cold if I remain in this dress, for there is no fabric-"

"Jane!".

. . .

A few minutes later, after descending the steps with increased care due to the restriction of the dress, Jane swept back into the dining room feeling highly self-conscious. She entered so quickly that the men barely had time to stand after registering hers and Anne's return before they were all sitting again. Jane could feel everyone's eyes fixed on her before Anne spoke.

"I hope we did not detain you for too long, gentlemen"

"No, of course not" Eshton replied, "We were merely discussing our plan for meeting the Captain tomorrow. I am sorry again, Jane, for your dress".

"It was only an accident. I am very well"

"I should never have thought of the gloves" Franklin said, "It is a wonder you did Jane, for otherwise I fear Thomas would be in much trouble at present. Don't you think it is a wonder, Rochester?"

"I am afraid that I do not find it very surprising. I am never surprised by my wife's empathy. Jane is an intensely thoughtful person who has been subject to similar experiences in her own life in a way that makes her always sympathetic to others".

Franklin looked confused,

"I was a servant at one time" Jane reminded him, "So I have seen what it is like to be intimidated by a person who you have no right to speak up to. Though the life that I live now is very different from the one I had lived before, I do hope that it does not make me blind to the people who are so often overlooked by those they serve. I would be very disappointed in myself if such was the case".

"Of course" Franklin said sensitively, "I think we could all live better by your example, Jane. I know for myself personally that there have been times where I have taken advantage of the help in my home because I assumed it was my right to have it".

"People do not appreciate their servants" Eshton commented flatly, "Especially those raised in a certain way"

"Well, not perhaps actively. But when a man wakes up and finds he cannot dress himself, or that he cannot saddle his own horse for riding, then I am sure he would find a new appreciation rather quickly" Rochester said, wisely.

Franklin laughed,

"Was that a personal attack?"

"No, why? Does it seem as such?"

"I have never been able to care for horses, and I am helped each morning with my dressing" he said, smiling wryly.

"Well, I am indeed very grateful for my lady servants" Anne said, "There is no way I could get ready without her. Women are forced to wear such complicated garments that there is no way she could dress without help".

"But Jane, you did not have a ladies maid as a governess?" Eshton asked, "And as I recall, you were able to dress yourself well enough".

Anne looked slightly embarrassed,

"Well, my dresses then were significantly less complicated than they are now. Servant dresses are designed so that a woman can get dressed in the morning without assistance".

"Speaking of the morning" Franklin called, "I meant to ask you Anne, before I forget, have you heard of a man Mr Nickles? He spoke of you this morning when I told him I was staying in this house"

"Oh yes! He is such a sweet man. Mr Eshton and I know him from my mothers sister..."

When the other three were sufficiently occupied within their own conversation of Mr Nickles, Edward learned into his wife and spoke very lowly.

"If I could kiss you right now for looking so lovely, I would".

Jane looked at him appreciatively. He was aware of the fact that she was feeling very insecure at that moment, and in his easy, genuine way he set her at ease. He took her hand under the table and held it in his.

"I am afraid I look rather silly"

"Silly" he said softly, "You look no more silly than a duchess would look if she sat here".

Jane blushed, and his face hardened slightly.

"Though I must say, I am not in favour of such a garment if the result is to be the men of this table looking at you in the way that only I am allowed to".

Jane sent him a disbelieving look as the conversation across the table dissolved.

The dinner carried on until it had turned quite late. Just as they were finishing, one of the maids came with news that Henry was beginning to fuss. Edward excused himself from the table to attend to him so Jane did not have to leave again, and she spent another few minutes with the gathered party. When the clock struck nine thirty, Anne claimed she was tired from the days journey and wished to return to bed early. As Mr Eshton and Captain Franklin were still drinking, they moved into the lounge, urging Jane to tell her husband if he wished to come back down, they would be more than willing to share another drink. With this promise, Jane went upstairs to find her husband and son.

Anne and Mr Eshton had gone through the trouble of obtaining a bassinet for Henry and setting it up in a room down the hall from where Jane and Edward were staying. Though this was very kind, the room was too far away to hear if Henry cried during the night. Indeed, for people who were not yet parents it may have been easy to overlook such a thing. But when Jane went into that room, she found that neither Henry or Edward were there and in walking down the hall she realised that they were also not in their bedroom either. Assuming they were gone for a walk, Jane returned to her room and began undressing. Though she managed to slip off her dress with relative ease, the corset was much harder. Twisting awkwardly, her arms swinging behind her back, Jane tried to untie the corset but found she couldn't, constricted as she was. Sighing, with hands on her hips, she decided to lie down on the bed until help arrived.

One minute or ten could have passed before the door was opened and Edward stepped inside. He did not see his wife at first, but when he did, he moved over to her and crawled over her. Jane looked up at him, smiling.

"What is happening here?" he asked, kissing her neck affectionately and pushing her down into the covers. "How kind of you to wait so that I could take you out of this".

He tugged playfully on the corset laces. Jane shook her head,

"I am stuck in it"

"Stuck?"

"Mm"

"Well, I think I can help you there" he said, and in one gentle movement Jane was on her stomach, face pressed into the mattress.

She felt the corset being loosened string by string until it was pulled apart, and she could take a deep breath again.

"Ahh" she groaned happily into the blankets, "Thank you".

"Good God Jane, look how you were sewn into this thing"

He smoothed his hands over the deep ridges left in her back and kissed her there sweetly.

"Anne told me there was no excuse for a women to have a bigger waist than what a corset could provide, when pulled small enough"

"What is she talking of? You are small, corset or no corset"

"Perhaps I will never wear one again" Jane said dreamily, turning over so that she was now facing her husband.

"Works for me" he replied, kissing her lips, "I will have easier access to you".

Jane sighed, putting her hand up to touch his face. His hands rested on either side of her, containing her in his arms.

"You do know how much I love you, do you not?"

He smiled softly and kissed her forehead.

"Because, do you not remember when you first proposed to me at Thornfield all that time ago, and I was determined to keep you at arms length for I did not wish to sink into a bathos of emotion regarding you?"

"Is that what you were doing?'

"Mmm. It all seems so silly now. So pointless when I have long since fallen into such with you so helplessly".

He lowered himself down onto her mouth again and kissed her, but as Jane tugged on his waistcoat and pulled him closer to her, the kiss was deepened instantly. He began to unbutton his vest, Jane helping by making quick work of pushing it from his shoulders. He untied his cravat, pulling it from around his neck and discarding it on the floor as Jane sat up to unbutton his pants.

"Edward, wait"

"What is it?"

"What about Henry. We will have to go and get him if he wakes-"

But his lips silenced her.

"We can be very quick. He is sleeping at present".

Jane nodded and pushed his pants from around his waist without hesitation. When he stood before her, no longer covered by any clothing, she lifted her arms so that he could pull her shift over her head. She fell back onto the bed, her husband standing before her as he mounted himself and entered her in one swift movement.

She closed her eyes as the sensation of him filled her senses. A quick, stifled breath escaped from her as Edward grunted in satisfaction. Together they moved, establishing a pace that was mind numbing in its satisfaction. Slipping too much on the satin sheets, Jane pulled her husband to her for a kiss and turned them over so that she was on top. As she manoeuvred him once more inside of her, he moaned a deep masculine noise that made Jane's heart leap.

"Darling" she said, lowing her mouth onto his in order to quiet another noise, "Shh, Shh"

But the smiled dropped from her face when he husband took her hips and pushed himself further inside of her, and she felt the painful expansion of want and need in her stomach return in full. Jane rocked in and out, her waist steadied by her husband who was spread out before her, trying to control himself so that he would not finish before she would. But he did not have to wait long, for Jane felt her limbs begin to shake, and in one final deep thrust, she had broken over the edge of desire and felt it flood the very marrow of her bones.

"Ahh" she moaned, laying down on her husbands chest and waiting for all to still again. His heart was racing, and his breath was shallow, but she could not bring herself to do anything besides listen to the sounds of him. When she lifted her head, she looked at the man before her, pushing back his curls and holding them down against his head so she could see his face in full. He was looking back at her with such a profound expression of love, and pride and happiness that the smile slipped from her face into a more serious look. Edward turned her over gently, hand in the small of her back, and kissed her passionately, his hand cupping her face warmly.

"I think that if the world was looking for the perfect specimen of man, they would need to look no further than you".

Edward chuckled lowly, his laugh rippling through him.

"I am not sure about the truth of that statement, Jane. But it is very sweet of you, all the same. It is nice to know that you find me physically attractive, in spite of my many shortcomings"

"I did not say you were the most physically perfect specimen on the planet" she corrected, "Just the most perfect".

He laughed, burying his head between her breasts and kissing her there before pulling his face back to hers.

"Well, I would not want to be a specimen on display for the world, and I certainly do not want that for you, in spite of being far more qualified for such a thing than I am. I like being the only person in the world who knows this part of you- who knows you in this way".

"I could not be this way without you"

Another soft kiss, and then the sound of a slamming door to rouse their attention. Voices could be heard fighting, though they were muffled enough to not be able to make out individual words. After this had gone on for some time, it was clear that it was Anne and Mr Eshton. Edward rolled to his wife's side and propped his head up on his arm. Jane covered them both in a blanket and sighed, looking at her husband. There was no way to tune out the argument next door. At times it was low and hushed and at times it was loud and passionate. Jane had never heard two people fight in such a way, and how unlike them it was to fight at all.

"Did Anne say anything to you when you went upstairs to change?"

"Only that she thought Mr Eshton did not want to be married to her anymore if she could not give him a child".

Edward paused thoughtfully.

"I know you told her that was not true"

"Of course I did, but there is no way to make someones self worth sufficient enough if they do not believe it for themselves".

A door slammed in the hallway again and then Jane could hear a babies cry.

"I will get him" she said, sitting up quickly.

"It will take you three times as long to get dressed as it will take me. I will be right back".

"Thank you" Jane said, receiving a kiss in reply.

He paused before standing up,

"I wish I could have stayed here all night, taking you again and again and again".

She went to speak, but bit back her reply, unable to form a coherent sentence though the flood of feeling. Edward grinned at the blush which spread over her face and kissed her briefly before dressing and leaving the room.

Jane took her clothes off the floor and folded them neatly in the corner of the room on a large dresser. When that was done, she pulled on her nightshirt from the corner of the bed and bathed her face in water. When Edward had returned, and Jane had fed Henry and gotten into bed with him, she noticed that her husband was still meandering around the room, picking up cushions and peering under them.

"What are you looking for?"

"My nightshirt. Have you seen it?"

"Yes, it was over next to the closet"

"I looked there"

"Hung in the closet by mistake?"

"I checked there too".

"Still in the trunk?"

He walked over, opened it, and closed it again.

"Perhaps it was not packed, forgotten in the quick move this morning".

"I thought I had seen it though, Edward".

"Well it does not matter" he said, "I will look tomorrow when there is more light. I am too tired to search right now".

Jane lowered herself into bed, laying Henry beside her. She waved her finger in front of him so that he gripped it tightly, smiling brightly up at her. Edward slipped into bed so that Henry was resting protectively between his two parents.

"I am very tired too" Jane said yawning,

"I know. It has been a long day".

Edward reached over and pressed his lips to her forehead, but Jane pulled his mouth down to her by the chin and kissed him softly.

"Goodnight my sweetheart" he said, "Sleep well"

"Goodnight", she said warmly.

"And goodnight to you" he said rubbing the stomach of his son affectionately, "For the sake of your poor mother and father, please sleep well and all the way through the night".

"One or the other" Jane corrected, "I do not wish to ask for an unreasonable amount from him ".

Edward grinned and blew out the candle on his bedside table.

. . .

Jane woke up in the morning to the sun shining through the opened window. In this new room she had forgotten to pull the curtains closed, and so when the sun came up, she could not get back to sleep. Turning over, her eyes fell upon her family sleeping beside her and an instant and complete ease fell over her. Henry was still bundled in his blanket, encased by one of his fathers arms and fast sleep. Edward similarly was sleeping soundly, his curls had bunched together in sleep so that they hung down in front of his eyes. Jane brushed them back gently before relaxing back into bed. She did not mind laying still for some time, even if she could not fall asleep. It was enough to be in the stillness and silence when she was so happy.

She drifted in and out of a light sleep for several minutes, or perhaps several hours, before Henry began fussing on the verge of great sobs. Jane she sat up quickly and picked him up in her arms.

"Good morning my love, how are you?" she whispered.

Jane rubbed his back and kissed his cheek

"Shh, do not cry. You will wake your father, and he deserves a little more sleep. Come, have another lay down with me. Perhaps you can have a few more minutes of sleep too".

Jane lay down with her back against her husbands stomach and her son laying before her. She closed her eyes to try and rest longer only to feel her husbands arms encircle her. He buried his face in her hair, and immediately fell back into a deep sleep. Feeling very warm, Jane noticed that Edward was sleeping in his robe. She tried to push off the blankets, but was not successful. Instead, she shook her husbands arm which lay under her.

"Edward. Edward, you are too warm" she said, pushing herself away from him.

"Mmm" he grumbled, pulling her back.

"Edward, you are too warm" she repeated.

"That is because I am in this robe" he mumbled, almost incoherently.

"I noticed. Why?"

"Because you are in my nightshirt"

"No, I am not. We could not find it last night, remember?

Without opening his eyes, Edward pulled back the blanket to show Jane the excess of material she was swimming in. She twisted to look at him.

"Why did you not wake me to tell me?"

"Because you looked too peaceful to do that to" he said, reaching forward and kissing her lower back.

"I do not know how it happened. It is so strange, I should have noticed getting into bed. What is the matter with me?".

But he only grumbled that it did not matter and then fell into silence once more.

Jane, lifting her son gently, put him into his fathers arms and left the bed. She located her own nightshirt before pulling off her husband's and laying it on the end of the bed. She walked over to a clock on the far end of the room and saw that it was now seven. The men were scheduled to set off at nine in order to reach the Captain friend of Franklin in time to speak with him. There was not much time to be wasted, and already Jane heard steps in the corridor outside. She dressed herself first, savouring greatly the feeling of her own, significantly loosened corset, and then tied her hair up out of her face. Standing, she smoothed her skirt and moved over towards the bed, shaking her husband awake.

"Come on darling, you must get up. Breakfast will be soon and you all have an early set off today".

He turned over slowly onto his back, rubbing his eyes lazily.

"I am so tired Jane"

"Some tea will rouse you, I am sure"

"And I would much rather spend the day with my family rather than a naval officer".

Jane sat down beside him on the bed and looked at him thoughtfully.

"I know. Thank you, so much, for helping Anne in all of this".

"Oh Jane" he said, "You must not give me such an honest, innocent look. It surely will break my heart in its genuineness".

"I do mean it" she insisted, "It means a great deal to me that you would do this"

"Of course" he said, touching her face lightly.

. . .

Half an hour later, Jane, Edward, Mr Eshton, Anne, and Captain Franklin were all seated at breakfast. Jane could not help but notice that both Anne and her husband seemed quite quiet, but Franklin spoke enough for all of them so that it did not feel awkward. Perhaps he had not heard the fight that had ensured the previous night, for he was clearly unaware of the unusual atmosphere of the table.

"-well, I told Diana that if she or Mary wished to go into the town for the day, such would be quite alright. Diana is always so worried that she will not be home for something important, but then again, it is rare we have visitors this time of year".

"And will her brother come and stay with you soon?" Anne asked,

Jane looked up from her plate of breakfast, almost dropping her fork from her hand.

"Diana and Mary's brother, St John?"

"Yes.." Franklin said slowly, clearly surprised Jane recognised the name "Do you know of him? I have heard very little of the chap".

"I know him well" Jane answered, "Is he planning on coming back to England to stay with you?"

"I do not think so. From my understanding, St John Rivers is a devout man who is on a mission which will most likely claim his life. But Diana did receive a letter from him which said that he missed the civilisation of England, and I believe she read it as he missed the society of England".

"Perhaps certain people" Jane replied, "But St John is a man who held his acquaintances in such a high regard that almost no one meet his standards-"

"Except for you" Franklin interjected, "Diana told me that he held you in such a high regard that asked you to marry him".

Eshton's coughed on his tea.

"Surely not".

"He did ask me to marry him. He thought I would be a good missionary wife to him- fit for labour and hard work in India".

"For goodness sake" Eshton said, "To drag any poor woman there would be a tragedy indeed, but you Jane"

She only smiled,

"Edward, you are awfully quiet just now" Franklin said, grinning.

"That is because I have little to say on the subject"

"I find that hard to believe"

Edward sent him an amused look.

"It is true. I do not know the man, but I do know that he and his sisters were very kind to Jane when I could not be there for her. For that, I am very grateful".

"But if you ever did see him..." Eshton teased,

"Then St John would know exactly why I refused him" Jane interjected, "He would see where my heart lay, and why his proposition of a loveless, but productive marriage were so impossible to me".

Anne smiled at Jane,

"I too was proposed to before I accepted Mr Eshton"

Eshton rolled his eyes,

"You were not, Anne"

"Indeed I was" she argued, "A Mr Williams. He was so very romantic. He was a farm hand, on my uncles estate. I spent one summer there when I was sixteen, and I believed myself to be very in love with him. On the day of my leaving, he confessed his feelings and asked me to marry him-"

"Oh Anne" Eshton dismissed, "That was not a real proposal. You were children, and you never could have married him. He was a farm hand"

"Well it was real enough to us" she said, sounding slightly hurt.

The butler stepped into the room and stood in the door.

"Sirs, the carriage is ready when you are"

"Right" Eshton said standing, "Come along gentlemen, we better get this underway'.

Edward stood, kissing Jane on the cheek as he rose.

"Goodbye darling, have a good day. Thank you for looking after Henry"

"You too. I look forward to your return".

Eshton gave Anne an odd pat on the head that was simultaneously affectionate and dispassionate.

"Goodbye Ms Eshton" Edward said, bowing to her,

"Goodbye Mr Rochester"

"Ladies" Franklin said, tipping his hat.

Anne looked slightly dejected as the men swept from the room out into the awaiting carriage. It was not until after it had pulled away that she seemed to brighten up again. Smiling at her friend, Anne sighed.

"Shall we take a walk through London today? I fear I cannot be in suspense in this house all day long"

Though Jane had no particular wish to walk through town, she would not deny Anne the simple pleasure which would bring her so much comfort.

"Let me just get my hat".


End file.
